The Previous Version
While I was writing the regular State of VTuber World post, I wrote a massive tangent detailing Hololive's history, and decided it would be much better done as a separate post.
I was actually going to overwrite the previous version, but the previous version is too... old, so I thought I would just write a new one. Hopefully I'll update this in September, which would be the end of the current period, and then probably put out Ver. 3 a long time after, if that ever happens.
The history of Hololive are split into 9-ish month chunks.

Part 1 - Pre-History {17-09-07 - 18-06-01}

When Tokino Sora first went on NicoNico in the auspicious day of September 7, 2017, there were famously 13 viewers unaccounted for in her debut stream. VTuber as a modern concept started ten months ago with the advent of Kizuna Ai on December 1, and at that point VTubers as a concept was seriously considered a dead end. The Ai's initial hype train died down and newcomers such as Siro did not gain the success that people were hoping for. Many suspect this VTuber fad was going to be consigned into the dustbin of history much like disco and leg warmers.
So, Sora did not start with the most fortuitous occasions. But the luck for VTuber and Sora turned around as Kaguya Luna became the new hit star and ushered in a kind of Cambrian Explosion of VTuber at the time. One of the bigger innovations was that Luna frequently mentioned other VTubers, she coined the term Oyabun for Kizuna Ai, and therefore there was a genuine sense of community building around this newfangled tech. Hololive App went online of December 21, 2017.
Sora was one of the bigger beneficiaries as she was redirected by Siro after her Christmas stream failed to work. Sora started to gain subscribers at a pretty good clip at that point. Sora is sometimes mentioned as one of the secondary heavenly kings along with Fuji Aoi, her close friend to this day.
Cover debuted their second talent, Roboco-san, on March 4, 2018. Roboco was the demo model for the Hololive app, similar to the beginnings of Nijisanji with 1st Gen's model also being a demo. Nijisanji was and is and will be a foil to Hololive. They both started as an app but quickly pivoted to the entertainment industry. Nijisanji's 1st Gen was a revolution - and singlehandedly shifted the meta in a way that will never be done before. And Nijisanji were pumping out great talents every month or so, flooding the market, which further threatened the other companies.
Nijisanji prompted fierce response from the competitor. AppLand, the company responsible for Siro, decided to debut 9 new talents that will operate on a strict weekly schedule, and this approach worked very well. Cover had to respond in turn, and so they quickly debuted 6 new talents, first being Yozora Mel who debuted on May 13, 2018.

Part 2 - Early Classical Era {18-06-01 - 19-04-01}

Note this version will not be delving too deeply into the individual members, as they are nicely detailed in Version One. If you want to know what the talents in the agency are all about, then check the previous version which is the top link. This version mostly expands and clarifies things.
First Gen of Hololive - Aki Rosenthal, Natsuiro Matsuri, Shirakami Fubuki - debuted on June 1, 2018 with Akai Haato debuting a week later because she had some tech issues. There was one other person but we do not talk about this person, she basically bribed her way into debut, and after that incident Yozora Mel was folded into this 1st Gen. A recent observation - there is a hidden theme in early VTuber groups, for example Re:AcT was originally called Kageyaki Stars and their talents all had a Zodiac theme, Leona being the Leo, of course, and Kyo being... a virgin? Not sure, actually. This Gen also has a theme, reference much later in the title for their song Plasmagic Seasons, which is of course the Seasons - Akai Haato as Spring, Natsuiro Matsuri as Summer, Aki Rosenthal as Fall, and Shirakami Fubuki as Winter. That extra person really did not fit, especially with the above theme.
Second Gen of Hololive quickly followed, the debut was more spaced out this time. Minato Aqua went first on August 8, 2018, followed by Murasaki Shion on August 17, 2018, Nakiri Ayame was next on September 3, 2018, followed by Yuzuki Choco on September 4, 2018, and Oozora Subaru rounding out the crew debuting on September 14, 2018. Around the same time, on August 1, 2018, another Cover Project launched called Sakura Miko project, which was a return of Kizuna Ai style content.
This odd collection signifies the attitudes of this time, no one really knew what they were doing. There were not many collabs, in fact Hololive members tended to collab with Nijisanji members more than their own members, and many kind of considered Hololive to be kind of a sister group to Nijisanji. Again, the contents were kind of halfway between video and streams, there weren't really long streams, those that did famously Kanae and Korone, were seen as odd outliers. There were a lot of odd and interesting VTuber-industry projects - a fun thing is to watch PL's of future talents interacting with their future workmates, which is obscenely entertaining in some respects.
Sakura Miko project immediately crashed and burned and Miko joined Hololive proper on December 25, 2018. On November 15, AZKi debuted as a part of a collaboration with Cover and upd8, another agency that was progenitor of Kizuna Ai. upd8 ran things differently, it was a 'talent' agency and not a creative one, which meant upd8 did not hold onto any assets of livers. upd8 had a hodgepodge of creators, including one half of 774 inc., which meant AZKi, Inaba Haneru, Patra Suou and Kizuna Ai were technically part of the same agency at this point in November 2018. Oh Shibuya Hal and Utai Meika was also part of this group. Yep, upd8 was a mess, had potential though.
On December 12, 2018, Ookami Mio joined Hololive as part of a new project called Hololive GAMERS, and unlike their other projects GAMERS actually grew a few months later.

Part 3 - Late Classical Era {19-04-01 - 19-12-27}

Okayu and Korone were announced on April Fools 2019 and subsequently Nekomata Okayu debuted April 6, 2019 and Inugami Korone on April 13, 2019. Korone's stream was so scuffed that it became the anti-basis for future debut streams. But the GAMERS basically set the tone of Hololive as a company. GAMERS were basically scouted as Fubuki's friends, and therefore GAMERS were the first generations that felt like a group of friends. Most, if not all, relationships between people grew from this seed.
They still regularly collabed with Nijisanji at that point. One can go through what is now seemingly bizarre combos - Higuchi Kaede and Roboco, Nakiri Ayame and Inui Toko, and so on... although few still persist to this day, Kamioka Family and its extension NASS and Oozora Family being the two...
But this was the time that Hololive kind of found the identity that we were kind of familiar with. This was also the time that idolization was slowly making its way through the company. The well-remember first Hololive Summer (which was, and still is, a Comiket associated project) was the first time Shiny Smily Story was introduced with the full song being released on September 17, 2019, which led to Hololive 1stFes or Nonstop Story on January 28, 2020.
Hololive extended the relationship with upd8 regarding AZKi to be Innoaka Music and they eventually snagged an indie VTuber named Hoshimachi Suisei, who has been active since March 22, 2018, during the height of the First Boom, announcing this new venture on May 19, 2019. Hoshimachi Suisei was frustrated with the arrangement and joined Hololive proper on December 1, 2019. The inclusion date is more mutely celebrated but their growth more closely tracks with the counterparts who debuting around their inclusion - so in some sense, we should think of Miko as an honorary member of GAMERS and Suisei as a honorary member of HoloForce, which considering her early relationship with Kanata and Coco, might as well be true from a different perspective.
Another push regarding this idolization was the opening of a male branch called Holostars. First talents started appearing in June, with Hanasaki Miyabi on June 8, 2019, Kagami Kira on June 9, 2019, Kanade Izuru on June 22, 2019.
Hololive also started to look beyond Japan, which was largely locked by the immense success of Nijisanji, and Hololive looked towards China. Around late winter and early spring of 2019, Hololive member started to stream quite a bit in BiliBili and started to take in a lot of Chinese sponsors, culminating in the Azur Lane event, which was one of the seeds for their future in North America - indeed many of the early English clippers were Chinese...
It was at this point that Hololive went looking for its third Gen, which had a fantasy theme - Usada Pekora debuted on July 17, 2019, Uruha Rushia on July 18, 2019, Shiranui Flare on August 7, 2019, Shirogane Noel on August 8, 2019, and Houshou Marine on August 11, 2019.
Many consider this group to be the miracle group, but they were kind of isolated for the first few months, many of their streams consisting of group Minecraft sessions. It was a friendship forged from pressure, not a loose one like GAMERS, and it gave a different feeling than the rest. Even today, there is an odd break between 3rd Gen and the gens higher up, except for a couple important exceptions like Aqua-Marine, or Marine in general. Subaru-Noel came out much later, and before that it was actually Rushia-Subaru.
Azur Lane event was on November 26, 2019. During this time, Hololive also opened their ill-fated Chinese branch with Yogiri debuting on September 28, 2019, Civia on November 2, 2019, and Spade Echo on January 30, 2020.
There was kind of an add-on group with Takushiji Suzaku debuting on September 7, 2019, and Arurandeisu on September 8, 2019. Suzaku apparently was really fed up with how Holostars worked so he left early on March 6, 2020. Second Gen followed with Rikkaroid debuting on October 20, 2019, and Astel Leda debuting on December 7, 2019, Kishido Temma on December 14, 2019, and Yukoku Roberu on December 24, 2019. Note this division feels wildly off, with the intra-gen gap being larger than the inter-gen gap. Perhaps this is one of the reasons the first three gens are usually grouped into one super group.
This nicely segues to our next section...

Part 3 - Early Golden Era {19-12-27 - 20-09-12}

HoloForce, as they are rarely called, were truly a force. Amane Kanata debuted on December 27, 2019, Kiryu Coco followed on December 28, 2019, Tsunomaki Watame on December 29, 2019, and after new years, Tokoyami Towa on January 3, 2020 and Himemori Luna on January 4, 2020. Kiryu Coco was an instant hit, growing at a rate seldom seen before.
Spearheaded by this new leader, Hololive slowly gain prominence right as the pandemic hit and the Second Boom occurred as Western anime fans looked to VTuber as a replacement for all the delayed anime releases. Hololive was well positioned to take on this second boom, as there were more clips from Hololive... even though Nijisanji pursued a Chinese audiences like Hololive, the Nijisanji clippers were usually Japanese students and therefore preferred longer clips, while Hololive clippers were people bred from things like TikTok and they truly clipped like a fame-chasing clipper would, short condensation of the streamer's character. A very easy and addicting introduction.
There was also the fact that Cover knew their western outreach and also saw the success of people like Hana Macchia, and they decided to slowly branch out to Western audiences, starting with Indonesia, which was also a safe second options since the days of AKB48.
Area15 debuted April 10, 2020 for Ayunda Risu, April 11, 2020 for Moona Hoshinova, and April 12, 2020 for Airani Iofifteen. While their growth was paltry compared to their JP counterparts, they were on the higher side compared to their ID peers, so Cover saw the green light to go ahead and continue developing an western EN branch.
Also Hololive China debuted their 2nd Gen with Doris debuting on April 3, 2020, Rosalyn debuting on April 5, 2020, and Artia debuting on April 11, 2020. Holostar 3rd Gen also debut around this time with Tsukishita Kaoru debuting on April 29, 2020, Kageyama Shien on April 30, 2020, and Aragami Oga on May 1, 2020.
Those three groups tended to stick together, which HoloID had a close relationship with Holostars which would turn out to be fruitful much later in the process.
Hololive started to gain its rapid growth, and as with all rapid growth, there were some growing pains, a large numbers of archives had to be taken down due to increase in copyright notices and Hololive increasingly became isolated from the VTuber world as a whole.
Also, pretty much the rest of HoloForce was struggling. Towa's low voice and her boyfriend fracas, happening since the idol concept has been firmly placed and heavily sold to western audiences, meant Towa lost pretty much all momentum. Watame had her infamous kuso internet which she famously did not apologize for, therefore forever becoming blameless. Luna was a controversial choice as she was a former Nijisanji Liver and kind of known as a vagabond, jumping from agency to agency, but thankfully she found her home in Hololive.
Kanata, even though her hearing was going, managed to stand with a budding relationship with Coco and furthered her relationship with Suisei, who she knew from way before.
Except for Coco, this was a quiet time. Many of the talents were on rest, like Mel or Akirose, which is one of the main reasons they are so far behind, and there was less outside appearance as the company simply tried to wade through their newfound fame.
HoloFive eventually appeared - Yukihana Lamy on August 12, 2020, Momosuzu Nene on August 13, 2020, Shishiro Botan on August 14, 2020, Mano Aloe on August 15, 2020, and Omaru Polka on August 16, 2020. Mano Aloe were swept in a huge scandal and prompt graduated at the end of the month. Considering HoloFive had a long gestation period, even this short stint was a shock to many. Truth be told, Aloe was not in a great mental state, she later attempted suicide falling down several stories, only to be saved by a tree.
There are still people who like to imagine a world with Aloe, but I wonder of a world where the person behind Aloe was swapped with someone from HoloX. Aloe would have been fine by late 2021, and many of the talents from HoloX would have been more than adequate in August of 2020. I think the best switch would be with Chloe.
Even though technically in the next era, Haato-Coco Taiwan Incident would be the final of the three major controversies that rocked Cover as they restructured. Taiwan Incident basically killed off all chances of development in China, along with a separate fiasco that led to the closure of HoloCN with all six members quietly disappearing by the end of 2020.
With all these controversies, Hololive could have gone down in flames, but there was a saving grace or really multiple saving grace that effectively created a shift and an opportunity.

Part 4 - Late Golden Era {20-09-12 - 21-07-01}

HoloMyth arrived on September 12, 2020 for Mori Calliope, Takanashi Kiara and September 13, 2020 for Ninomae Ina'ins, Gawr Gura and Amelia Watson. They were another of the 'perfect' groups, a heaven-sent in the time of multiple disasters.
The minecraft server, largely dormant since the beginning of 2020, reopened with the introduction of Gen 5 and continued when Area15 were introduced, with Moona Hoshinova pretty much alighting the Company Rivalry Arc which became the basis for the modern dynamic of Hololive as we know today. The fame of Area15 skyrocketed, the combo of Risu's first NNN and her KING cover didn't detract from that fame at all either...
And their newfound dominance in ID was sealed with the debut of HoloRo - Kureiji Ollie on December 4, 2020, Anya Melfissa on December 5, 2020, and Pavolia Reine on December 6, 2020. Once again, they were heavily focused on outreach with Ollie being the breakout star which sapped any remaining momentum NijiID had, leading to their long and terminal decline for the next three years at least.
Those early months of 2021, defined by the time between Hololive 2nd Fes, Beyond the Stage, and Bloom, Hololive's first original concert, was in my humble opinion, the greatest time in Hololive. The development of the Company Rivalry Arc with the first extended interaction of MiComet, one of the most enduring duos in Hololive much to the chagrin of Nousagis and Heimins. The 2021 Mario Kart Tournament, which brought Towa into prominence and showcased that Hololive can pull off a tournament, one of the major strengths of Nijisanji and the Bouquet album's relative success, especially with the opening song Blue Clapper was instrumental in Hololive becoming a reliable music producer, which left Innonaka without an identity leading to AZKi eventually joining Hololive proper in April 1, 2022.
Another development was the introduction of Hololive Alternative, which was marked by two PVs, first of which debuted on May 5, 2021 with a teaser right after Bloom.
Days after Bloom however were colored by one event, which marks the finality in this era. There hasn't a large graduation - Holostars lost two members Tsukishita Kaoru on July 28, 2020 and Kagami Kira on November 30, 2020... but it was a quiet one, most might only recognize those graduations because of the downed spirit of HoloID at the time. But the graduation to come was the big one - probably the biggest one until Kizuna Ai's hiatus and many would argue even still then, as the age of Kiryu Coco came to close.
The announcement was on June 9, but in hindsight the signs were there since the beginnings of the Hololive Summer Festival, which also marks the start of the end of the Company Arc. The later half of this era felt like a barrel racing towards that final moment. Most watched stream in VTuber stream, probably unlikely to be broken for a long time.
Coco was instrumental in steering the talent's directions, especially in turbulent times such as the year and half in which Coco existed on our screens. Without that sail, Cover and their talents had to go on their own and face whatever demons it may raise...

Part 5 - The Transition Era {21-07-01 - 22-03-20}

Hololive was chugging around after the graduation with 3D Live happening almost every other day during August... and also quite a lot of debuts from the EN side.
IRyS debuted on July 8, 2021. She was supposed to be part of a JP/EN collab VSinger group that were probably going to debut in Spring if there were enough applicants, but they were only able to fish one, and she came down (three times) to grace our screens and a month later on August 22, 2021, HoloCouncil made their debut - Tsukumo Sana, Ceres Fauna, Ouro Kronii, Nanashi Mumei, and Hakos Baelz. Less perfect than HoloMyth but still good, and very helpful as there was a Minecraft merger happening. As I explained above, Hololive had a hard time integrating their new members. For the longest time, I had a hard time differentiating 5th Gen because they would just hang out together and rarely with senpais, but the merger and the eagerness of HoloMyth to get fresh blood led one of the smoothest integrations.
This continued with HoloX - La+ Darknesss on November 26, 2021, Takane Lui on November 27, 2021, Hakui Koyori on November 28, 2021, Sakamata Chloe on November 29, 2021, and Kazama Iroha on November 30, 2021. My impression of them was shock, as with many, not only were given only a few hours notice, but it happened right after the infamous 3rd Gen Live. The relative failure of that live and the death of her beloved cat started a decline for one Uruha Rushia, whose aberrant behavior will eventually blow up three weeks before 3rdFes.
Rushia's termination also felt like a barrelling moment in hindsight, but I did not end this era on February 24, 2022, but on the 2nd Day of 3rd Fes, because I want to end on a high note and the 3D debuts of Area 15 and HoloMyth more than enough made up for the sudden loss and confusion of Uruha Rushia. While Rushia left on quite a sour note, Rushia still gets fondly remembered, especially by talents like Pekora and Fubuki... it's interesting.
I should also mention taht 3rd Fes, Link Your Wish, was first to be accompanied by an Expo, which was first done by Nijisanji back in early 2020, right before the pandemic.

Part 6 - Early Modern Era {22-03-20 - 22-12-31}

End of 3rd Fes led to two debuts - first HoloH3roes with Vestia Zeta on March 27, 2022, Kaela Kovalskia on March 28, 2022, and Kobo Kanaeru on March 29, 2022, followed by Holostar's UPROAR with Yatogami Fuma and Utsugi Uyu debuting on March 29, 2022 and Hizaki Gamma and Minase Rio debuting on March 30, 2022.
The focus for these groups was a change, HoloID now looking inwards back towards Indonesia, marking the rise of homegrown groups like AKA Virtual, and Holostar's idolfication including the de-aging of Aruran. This was followed by a quiet but long integration of Hololive and Holostar, an informal but still significant, which culminates in the year-end concert.
There were quite a lot of concerts in this era, 2nd PV which was on June 11, 2022, the return of Hololive Summer along with the regular spate of summer celebration concerts, there was a kind of fatigue and there was no new debut in sight, at least for a while...
Tempus HQ was quite a turning point - Regisa Altare and Magni Dezmond debuted on July 22, 2022 and Axel Syrios and Noir Vesper debuted on July 23, 2022. Not only did it accelerated the interaction between Hololive and Holostars, but also the EN branches of Hololive and Nijisanji as well, which was a long time coming, considering it was over a year since NijiEN debuted.
Along with Tsukumo Sana's graduation on July 31, 2022, things kind of took a back seat in the fall season as the long preparation for 4th Fes was underway. There was a lull that was unfamiliar since the beginning of 2020 - a nice bookend to the EN boom, which was rapidly fading at this point. In hindsight, it was an appreciative one, or so I think at least.
There was one incredibly bright light and that was Kobo Kanaeru, who along with Hyakumantenbara Salome, was the biggest beneficiary of the Third General Boom, caused the end of COVID restrictions for most of the world. The third Boom was less significant than the first two, but it saw the surge of strong local ID and KR groups along with renewed interest in Japan, which benefitted both Hololive and Nijisanji.
Kobo's obstinately Indonesian nature gave me worry as for integration but I wasn't to be worried because Kobo has quite a sharp wit behind her genuinely childish behavior. Kobo will be remembered for her various connections reaching across all branches, pretty much.

Part 7 - Late Modern Era {22-12-31 - 23-09-??}

The year-end concert served as a teaser for Our Bright Parade, which happened on March 18 and March 19, 2023. There was also an extension for Hololive Tempus, with its VG division - Gavis Bettel and Machina X Flayon debuting on January 7, 2023 and Banzoin Hakka and Josuiji Shinri debuting January 8, 2023. It was an understandable yet odd debut and I think VG was one of the most 'Nijisanji' groups in Hololive I have ever seen.
This was good grounds for Kobo. After Our Bright Parade, there was both a lull and an uptick. There was a lot happening - a new studio and an amusement park takeover - but a strange lack of debuts from any branches. One of the longest lack of such, I believe ever.
This might change soon, however, and that's where all our story has to end. I will fill in the rest of the story at the end of this period. And hopefully, I can come back to fill in the next era.

Note: Women’s Championships have been exchanged between Asuka and Rhea Ripley so the titles are on their respective brands.
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Alba Fyre (Smackdown) vs Bayley (Smackdown) vs Iyo Sky (Smackdown) vs Zelina Vega (Smackdown) vs Raquel Rodriguez (Raw) vs Shayna Baszler (Raw) vs Candice LeRae (Raw) vs Tegan Nox (Raw) vs Roxanne Perez (NXT)
The London crowd is extremely behind Bayley as usual, as well as the home country hero, Tegan Nox, the two clear the ring and come face to face. Every competitor gets their moment to shine, but as the match comes to its closing moments, Iyo Sky and Roxanne Perez are atop the ladder, and Sky manages to knock Perez from the heights. As she begins to reach up to the top, she is thrown from the top by the opportunist, Bayley. Bayley climbs the ladder and reaches up, pulling down the briefcase and becomes a two time Miss MITB, and she threw her teammate off the ladder to get it.
Bayley def. Alba Fyre, Iyo Sky, Zelina Vega, Raquel Rodriguez, Shayna Baszler, Candice LeRae, Tegan Nox & Roxanne Perez
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Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn (c) vs IMPERIUM vs Alpha Academy – Undisputed Tag Team Championship
Owens and Zayn have the trouble of facing two teams with their titles at risk, when the match reaches its conclusion, Zayn nails Kaiser with a Helluva Kick and throws Ludwig into a Pop Up Powerbomb. Gable grabs the waist of Zayn and nails the O’Connor Roll German Suplex, Otis takes out Owens. Zayn rolls out of the ring, Gable goes to cover Kaiser, but he catches Gable for a Schoolboy, the referee counts 2, but Gable reverses the pin and gets the 3.
Alpha Academy def. IMPERIUM & Owens & Zayn
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Austin Theory (c) vs Rey Mysterio – United States Championship
Mysterio challenges Theory for the US Title, attempting to end the reign of the ‘Forever Champ’, Mysterio puts up a good fight but comes up short.
Austin Theory def. Rey Mysterio
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Asuka (c) vs Bianca Belair – Smackdown Women’s Championship
Asuka and Belair have a great match, but Asuka retains and can look ahead to bigger challenges.
Asuka def. Bianca Belair
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Rhea Ripley (c) vs Nikki Cross – Raw Women’s Championship
Cross wins a Battle Royal to earn this shot, but Ripley continues her reign of dominance by defeating Cross in short work.
Rhea Ripley def. Nikki Cross
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Roman Reigns (c) vs Sheamus – WWE Universal Championship
This feud sees Roman Reigns and Solo Sikoa take out Butch after he’d qualified for the Men’s MITB match, leaving Sheamus on the warpath in this heated rivalry. When the match comes, Reigns inevitably retains, but Sheamus gives Reigns an extremely close match.
Roman Reigns def. Sheamus
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Gunther (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura – Intercontinental Championship
Gunther takes on the King of Strong Style, Nakamura gives Gunther a hard hitting fight, but the champion retains once again after an incredible fight.
Gunther def. Shinsuke Nakamura
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Seth Rollins (c) vs Finn Balor vs Damian Priest – World Heavyweight Championship
Rollins’ first defence is against two members of Judgement Day, but this match doesn’t see Judgement Day exhibit cohesion, but instead sees further seeds of dissension planted. The finish comes when Priest nails Rollins with the South of Heaven and makes the cover. However Balor nails a Coup de Grace out of nowhere to break the pin. Priest and Balor argue back and forth until Rollins is recovered and nails a Superkick to take Priest out. Rollins wins the match after a Curb Stomp to Balor.
Seth Rollins def. Finn Balor & Damian Priest
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Trish Stratus & Zoey Stark vs Becky Lynch & Lita
Lita returns to even the odds for Becky, and so the tag match is set up, Lita gets some revenge on Stratus by scoring the pin for her team over her former rival. But the saga between Becky and Trish continues…
Becky Lynch & Lita def. Trish Stratus & Zoey Stark
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Cody Rhodes (Raw) vs JD McDonagh (Raw) vs Bronson Reed (Raw) vs Ricochet (Raw) vs LA Knight (Smackdown) vs AJ Styles (Smackdown) vs Santos Escobar (Smackdown) vs ??? (Smackdown) vs Bron Breakker (Smackdown)
Note: following Night of Champions, Rikishi appears on Smackdown, and Roman Reigns says to him that he wants Rikishi to take the Usos home and straighten them out. He doesn’t want to see them until they ready to fall back in line. The story with Reigns and Sheamus brings to light a ‘fear’ of Butch from Roman with Heyman hyping all his previous accomplishments. Which is why Reigns takes Butch out prior to the MITB match, only for Jimmy Uso to take the open spot against the wishes of Roman.
The match is filled with excitement, towards the end of the match, Jimmy looks like he could actually win, alone on the ladder he climbs for the case, but Solo makes an appearance and pulls Jimmy off the ladder, as he looks to hit the Samoan Spike, Jey runs down and Jimmy looks relieved, but as he measures up the Superkick, Jey can’t take the shot. Solo puts Jimmy down and leaves the ring. Leaving LA Knight the opportunity to climb the ladder and win the match.
LA Knight def. Cody Rhodes, JD McDonagh, Bronson Reed, Ricochet, AJ Styles, Santos Escobar, Jimmy Uso & Bron Breakker
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Final Note: The inclusion of NXT stars in the MITB work as call ups, but neither of the stars have a brand they’re on just yet, instead this was a chance for Raw and Smackdown to see what they’ve got and then offer a spot if they like.

Vell Harlan and the Doomsday Dorms Book 3: Just a Moment
At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
For the past two years, Vell Harlan has been caught in the loop alongside his best friends, Lee and Harley, and with their help he’s been able to survive every disaster the universe has thrown at him. But as Vell enters his third year, Lee and Harley are entering their fourth (and final) year at the Einstein-Odinson College. With a ticking clock counting down, the trio must cut through the chaos of killer crickets, haunted phones, and naked sorcerers to try and solve some of the mysteries plaguing their lives -including why all these butterflies keep following Vell around...
[Chapter 1 (Book Two)][Patreon][Cover Art]
The ferry finally came to a halt, and Samson wondered if his long nightmare was finally over. The Einstein-Odinson campus being on an island apparently came with some benefits, but quick commutes clearly weren’t one of them. Between planes, trains, and boats, Samson had spent most of the past 24 hours cooped up in a vehicle, traveling the long road from Nigeria to college. Thankfully, he had company.
“Still remember how your legs work, right?” Ibrahim asked. “Get a move on.”
“I need your fat ass to move first,” Samson snapped back. “Can’t get past you.”
Ibrahim chuckled at the joke and got moving, with Samson following close behind. The twin brothers made sure not to stray far from one another as they headed deeper into unfamiliar territory that got more unfamiliar by the second. Samson tried to avoid staring at the serpentine tail of a Lamia as it slithered by. He thought it would be rude. Ibrahim, on the other hand, very obviously stared at a cyclops lumbering past.
“Very...diverse,” Ibrahim said. He had no objections to any of the centaurs, vampires, or goblins arrayed in front of him, he’d just never seen so many in one place.
“Apparently they’re branching out,” Samson said. While the Einstein-Odinson had never been explicitly human-only, its facilities were designed by and for humans, so enrollment among the more magical forms of sapient life had been minimal. That had changed over the summer.
“Makes sense,” Ibrahim said. “They do have the robot, remember?”
Samson nodded. Of course he remembered. The school had made a big deal out of having the world’s first sapient machine among its students.
The twins cut through the crowd around the dock and found their way into a whole new crowd further on the campus grounds. Various departments and school organizations had set up recruiting booths to welcome the new students and hopefully snag a few members. The booths all had banners advertising organizations like the student council, culinary club, chess club, and one at the very center of them all which simply said “Ask us about your deja vu”. To Samson’s surprise, the robot herself was sitting at the deja vu booth, alongside a bulky man with tattoos on his cheeks. He took a quick look at the odd pair as he walked by. The robot, oblivious to his stare, appeared to concentrate on something for a moment and then held up a hand.
“Hey, stop for a second,” Kim said aloud. “You’re going to want to keep the space behind us clear.”
A few students who had been walking that way stopped in their tracks, not a moment too soon. The air split open as a crackling portal opened, and an icy blast of air surged forth. A second later, a quick spray of snow burst out of the portal, carrying with it three bundled-up bodies on snowboards and skis. They landed in a jumbled heap of snow, scarfs, and skis as the portal closed behind them. A few purple butterflies skimmed by the newly fallen pile of snow, circling a man on a snowboard before fluttering away as the robot approached.
“Nice landing,” Kim snapped.
“It’s a work in progress,” Harley shot back. “We’ll do better next time.”
“I’m sure. You guys enjoy the ski trip?”
“I’m not going to lie, Kim, it was fucking radical,” Harley said. “You should’ve come!”
Kim shrugged newly mechanical shoulders. After her dramatic journey of self-discovery at the end of last year, she had chosen to do so slightly less dramatic self-discovery and spent the summer studying herself and refining her new, robotic body. Now that she was no longer trying to imitate humanity, she was trying to figure out exactly what kind of design she was supposed to follow. She’d given herself a few once-over’s and refined her design a little bit.
Hawke, on the other hand, had just gone home and read a few good books, trying to de-stress after a year packed with multiple apocalypses, robot friends, and talking fish. It had done wonders for his mental health, and he was almost ready for another year at the Einstein-Odinson. Almost.
“Maybe next time,” Kim said. “Glad you guys had fun though.”
“And all at my parent’s expense,” Lee said. She removed some ski goggles, and the rest of her winter gear, as she made the quick transition from the cold mountain slopes to the warm air of the tropical island.
“Still baffled they sprang for the single-use portal,” Vell said. He shook a purple butterfly off his hat before removing it. “I know they’re like, rich rich, but still. That shit’s expensive.”
“But convenient,” Harley said. They’d been able to swing straight from their vacation back to school.
“I hope the Dean doesn’t make us clean up this snow, though,” Vell said.
“Eh, fuck it, it’ll melt,” Harley said. “Come on! Let’s drop off our stuff at Lee’s and then come take our turn at the deja vu booth.”
The snow-covered trio wandered off. Samson did a double take as they left.
“The hell was that about?”
“Robots and snake ladies all around and the ski trip is what has you asking questions,” Ibrahim said.
“The robot is involved in the ski trip,” Samson said. “The weirdness compounds.”
“Come on. We got a tour to join.”
Samson tried to put the weirdness out of mind as they weaved past the snow pile and tried to find their tour. As it turned out, the search for their campus tour was slightly harder than either twin suspected, because it was two tours instead of one.
“Ibrahim and Samson Onwe. I have you two down for separate tour groups.”
“Why would we be separate?”
“Why wouldn’t you be?”
Samson and Ibrahim each pointed to the other’s identical face. The tour guide rolled her eyes.
“I don’t make the group assignments, I just follow them,” she said. “Now, which one of you is Ibrahim?”
“I am,” Ibrahim and Samson said simultaneously. The tour guide lowered her glasses and stared at them for a long time.
“Seriously?”
“We’re a package deal, lady.”
An attempt at a staredown ended with the tour guide blinking first. She sighed heavily and decided she didn’t want to fight any battles this morning.
“Alright, fine, follow me,” she said. Samson and Ibrahim playfully elbowed each other and followed along, beaming with pride that their gambit had worked -again.
***
“I know it’s a big campus, and it’s only getting bigger, but do try not to run,” the tour guide said. “There’s always plenty of time to get where you’re go-”
The tour guide stopped herself mid-sentence as another tour group went sprinting past, headed the other direction. Samson and Ibrahim watched them go, noting the looks of fear on their faces.
“Is this the set up for a gag?” Samson asked. The past few hours had been pretty dull, so he’d be happy to see a good joke.
“No. They shouldn’t be doing that…”
The tour guide turned her head in the direction the other group had run from. A single log flew around a corner and bounced off the ground once before coming to a halt.
“Wood?”
The single log was joined by another, and then a stick, and then three branches, and then ten more logs, and suddenly a tidal wave of wood in all shapes and sizes was thundering in their direction. The tour guide chose to ignore her own advice and run, with Samson and Ibrahim close behind.
“What the fuck?”
While running, Samson had taken a moment to glance over his shoulder and try to get a closer look at the torrent of wood being launched his way. In between the falling logs and tumbling two-by-four’s, he caught occasional glimpses of tiny, furry little animals.
“Are those...big rats?”
“I don’t care what they are, Sam,” Ibrahim shouted. “I want to get the fuck out of here!”
The rumbling torrent of wood kept crawling closer and closer their way -until a crashing sheet of ice rammed into it from the other direction. Samson saw one of the skiing women from earlier suddenly step onto the field and sweep her hands, reshaping the flow of the wave of ice.
“How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood,” she said, sounding far too amused by the turn of phrase, given the disastrous circumstances.
“Apparently the answer is ‘too fucking much’,” Harley said. She looked over her shoulder at Samson and the other fleeing tour groups. “We got this! Keep running!”
Samson didn’t need to be told twice. Though very soon he would be getting told very many things twice. Running didn’t do him much good, as the tidal wave of wood caught up to him. He stuck next to Ibrahim for a sudden and splintery end -and then woke up in his own bed, alive, confused, and alone.
***
Samson narrowed his eyes and stared at the Lamia slithering past.
“Look! It’s happening again, man, just like I said!”
Ibrahim looked at the half-snake woman and shrugged.
“I’m not seeing the punchline yet,” Ibrahim said. “This better be a good fucking gag, Samson.”
“It’s not- Listen to me! Everything is repeating itself!”
He’d gone through the entire twenty-hour ride to the school all over, somehow, after waking up on what appeared to be the same morning. Disbelief had turned to confusion had turned to frustration over time. Twenty hours in transit was actually even more boring the second time, especially since everything happened the exact same way, unless he did something to change it.
“Look at this, there’s about to be an ogre -yep, there he is,” Samson said, gesturing to the ogre crossing their path. “And then we’re going to step out here and there’ll be a lot-”
Samson stopped himself mid-sentence. There would be a lot of booths, including one labeled “Ask us about your deja vu”.
“We need to go.”
The twins cut an even faster course through the crowd this loop, since Samson knew exactly where to go and how to get there. He cut past chess club members and student council leaders and beelined straight for the booth with a robot and a broad-shouldered Maori man sitting at it. He only froze in his tracks long enough to notice that the sign had changed. Now it said “What should you ask us?”. The two residents of the booth carefully eyed Samson as he approached.
“Hi, uh, hello, Samson Onwe,” he said. The robot’s electronic eyes flickered in his direction. “Am I supposed to ask you guys about deja vu?”
Kim made two raised eyebrows of surprise appear on her digital face.
“One second.”
A storage compartment on Kim’s metallic hips opened up, and she withdrew a five dollar bill, handing it over to Hawke.
“Told you it would work,” Hawke said.
“You know what’s going on?”
“We do,” Kim said. “But we can’t explain it just yet. I think you should know we’re waiting on someone.”
“Right. Behind you, yeah?”
At this point, Ibrahim closed the gap and examined the table, and more importantly, the robot lady sitting behind it. Kim examined him right back. She’d actually never met twins before.
“Okay, I get it, these two have been telling you about all the stuff like the snake ladies and the campus stuff,” Ibrahim said. “Can we speed this up now? I really want to get to the joke.”
Hawke and Kim shared a furtive glance with one another before turning it in Samson’s direction.
“Does he not…?”
Samson shrugged.
“Oh, that’s going to complicate things,” Kim said. Her brain buzzed at her for a second, and she once again stopped traffic in the area, clearing the grass behind their booth.
An icy portal snapped open and shut in an instant, depositing a small amount of snow and two point five very graceful snowbirds gliding to a halt. Lee almost managed to make it to a dignified finish, but toppled over and fell into the snow at the last second. Harley slid her skis to a stop and then sat down in the snow next to the fallen Lee as she removed her goggles. Vell, who was on his feet this time, took notice of just how many butterflies came to flock around him, and decided to compartmentalize that until later.
“Told you we’d get it right this time. Most of us, anyway” Harley boasted. Lee sighed heavily as Harley’s eyes caught a person out of place, and she latched on to Ibrahim and Samson. “Well hello new people!”
“New person,” Hawke awkwardly insisted. He pointed at Samson. “Just him.”
Ibrahim didn’t bother trying to hide his offense.
“Oh. Well,” Lee said. “This will be...interesting.”
“Lee, the dramatic pause shit, seriously,” Harley said.
“It’s warranted,” Lee snapped. “Harley, Vell, go take our things and put them in my dorm. I’ll get our new friend started on, well, orientation.”
“Got it, boss,” Harley said. She waved to Samson with one hand and picked up Lee’s discarded gear in the other. “Talk to you later, dude!”
Two-thirds of the skiing trio wandered off, leaving a still highly confused Samson and an even more confused Ibrahim to face off with Lee.
“Right, and you are?”
“Samson.”
“And Ibrahim,” his twin interjected. It sounded like his patience with this “joke” was wearing thin.
“Pleasure to meet you both, Samson, if you’ll come with me, I can answer most of your questions.”
The two twins stood their ground, though Samson did twitch a bit.
“I want to know what’s going on here too,” Ibrahim said. “Is this some kind of hazing thing? Am I being hazed?”
It took a lot of effort for Hawke not to roll his eyes. He’d thought the same thing once upon a time. He almost wished he’d been right.
“No. It’s...well, it’s hard to explain,” Lee said. “It’s just a bit of a randomly selected process, and random chance has turned up Samson! It’s nothing personal, dear, it’s not up to us.”
“Well, listening to you is up to us,” Ibrahim said. “We’re a package deal.”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Samson said. He looked for certainty anywhere he could get it right now, and his twin brother was the most certain thing he knew.
“Well, alright then, I can’t force either of you to do anything,” Lee said. “But, Samson, any explanations you may be wanting to hear right now will have to wait. It’s your choice.”
After delivering that gentle ultimatum, Lee stepped back and joined Hawke and Kim at the booth. Ibrahim stepped away, and though it took a moment, Samson walked away too. He took a few glances over his shoulder, but followed Ibrahim all the way to their tour guide. She sat in the exact same place as last time, and said the exact same things too.
“Ibrahim and Samson Onwe. I have you two down for separate tour groups.”
“Why would we be separate?”
“Maybe it’s just how things are around here,” Samson suggested.
“Well screw that,” Ibrahim said. “We’re a package deal.”
“Come on, it’s just a tour, the island’s not that big,” Samson said. “An hour or two, at most.”
“You’re suspiciously on board with this,” Ibrahim countered.
It was true, but Samson played it off anyway. He didn’t want to ditch his brother, but the weirder things got, the more he felt he had to.
“Fine. But this had better be a really good joke you’re setting up for,” Ibrahim said. He followed the tour guide away while Samson pretended to wait for the next tour group. As soon as Ibrahim rounded the corner, Samson went running back to Lee.
​
Author's Note:
Hello and welcome back to Doomsday Dorms for book three! Your friendly local lunatic/author here with two status updates on all things Doomsday Dorms:
First, for those of you desperate to know what happens next (and next, and next, and next...) the Patreon version of Doomsday Dorms has been updated to be a full month ahead of the free updates, rather than just a week, for the same price.
Secondly, to those who might be wondering about the availability of book one, I did want to say that while I had every intention of having the final version ready and published today, alongside book three's launch, a few different factors conspired to delay my plans. It is very close to completion, however, and I look forward to officially launching it within the next week or two, so if you're a new reader curious how this chaos started, or an old reader who wants to revisit a favorite chapter, stay tuned!

No.1 Contender Tag Turmoil match
Build
Adam Pearce makes a match to decide who will take on Sami and KO on their respective show. The participants include Alpha Academy, Valhalla, Imperium, Brawling Brutes, Pretty Deadly and a NXT Wildcard.
(The NXT Wildcard is decided in a fatal four way tag won by The Creed Brothers)
Match
The match kicks off with Alpha Academy vs Valhalla. Valhalla overpowers Gable who begins the match for his team. After a miscommunication from Vahalla, Gable is able to get a hot tag onto Otis. Otis lays out both members of Vahalla and gets ready for the Caterpillar onto fellow legal man, Erick. Before he can hit it however he is attacked by Ivar who clotheslines himself and Otis over the top rope. After this the ref points to Chad who enters the ring but is quickly attacked by Erick. Chad then rolls up Erick for the quick pin and wins. The announcers are confused until they see an instant replay of Chad tagging himself in as Otis went over the top rope.
The next entrants in the match are Pretty Deadly. The two handsome fellas come out of the crowd attacking a wounded Chad Gable. Otis (after being helped up by Maxxine) jumps in the ring and evening the score. Otis throws both Pretty Deadly members out of the ring, then stands on the apron. Chad then rises and tags in Otis. Gable then does a suicide dive onto both Elton Prince and Kit Wilson. He then throws Elton into the ring and tags in Otis, who hits a Caterpillar onto Elton for the 1.2.3
The next team to enter are The Creed Brothers. They come out to the ring and have a classic wrestling match with Alpha Academy. The two teams show respect for one another while they show their amateur wrestling acumen. With Gable still nursing injuries from his previous 2 matches. Towards the end of the match, The Creed’s isolate Gable once again. They pick apart the leader of Alpha Academy as Otis is forced to watch on. Gable gains a moment of rest after a big german suplex onto Julius. Chad then gets the hot tag to Otis who clears house until being picked apart by the Creeds. The Creeds lift Otis up for the big finish but Chad makes the save pushing Julius off the top and hitting Butch with a German. This leaves Butch in the ring with Otis allowing the big man to hit another Caterpillar for the win.
The next team is Imperium who show zero sympathy for Alpha Academy. They systematically beat down both Otis and Chad with neither man showing any quit. Once Chad becomes the legal man Imperium begins to dominate the match. Otis looks on with a sad look watching his friend be torn apart by Imperium. Finally after minutes of agonizing pain, Otis throws in the towel ending the match and Chad’s suffering.
The final team to enter the match is Brawling Brutes; they immediately begin to brawl with Imperium. The ref attempts to separate the two rival teams to no use. Finally some order is restored when Ridge and Giovanni fight to the outside and up the ramp. This leaves Butch and Ludwig in the ring. After a quick back and forth, Butch seems to have Ludwig ready for the Bitter End. When Ludwig scratches Butch’s eyes, rolling him up for the 1.2.3 Imperium will meet Sami and KO on RAW.
Roman Reigns vs LA Knight for the Undisputed WWE Championship
Build
On the main event of the Smackdown after Extreme Rules(A show that didn’t feature Roman Reigns) LA Knight, (A man who has gained a cult following in recent months with great selling T shirts and YEAH becoming an ever popular phrase) is seen in the ring with a microphone “Extreme Rules was a good show (Crowd exclaims YEAH) but something important was missing. The missing piece to the puzzle was our World Champ, Roman Reigns (The crowd rains down boos at the mention of his name) Roman is an interesting case of nepotism… YEAH, because no matter what he did for years he couldn’t gain the admiration of the WWE universe. Hell, I’m a douche and it took me a month… YEAH. The top brass in this company wanted him to succeed for years but he never took off…until he took advantage of his family. Well I got to thinking that sounds like a great idea. YEAH. So I decided I’d use MY family to get what I want YEAH. (LA Knight walks to the barricade telling some front row fans to jump after a bit the ring is full of fans) Now Roman Reigns, I challenge your boring ass to a WWE Championship match. YEAH. (Roman appears on the titantron and says) “The fans may love you Eli, but the fans loved Cody too and you saw what happened to him. You're nothing more than a catchphrase. But I accept your challenge”(Roman turns to Paul) “This will be the easiest match yet.” LA Knight responds with “I might just be a catchphrase… but at least it's a good one. YEAH!!!!! (The men and women inside the ring respond with a loud YEAH) The show goes off the air as they exchange YEAHS.
The two men exchange verbal blows throughout the build with Roman dismissing Knight as a fad. Knight continues to gain support from the fans despite his cocky tendencies. This culminates in a contract signing on the go-home Smackdown. Where LA Knight jumps an unexpecting Roman putting him through the table to a large pop.
Match
The match begins how you’d expect with Roman taking control. Roman overpowers the popular Knight as the crowd keeps Knight in the match. Throughout the match, Roman attempts to cockily pin LA after non finishers to no avail as the crowd continues to keep their favorite in the match. Towards the end of the match, Knight reverses a Superman Punch into a big roll up. 1.2…kickout Roman spears Knight. 1.2…kick out the crowd loses it as Roman does the same. Roman begins laying in punches on LA Knight over and over again until the ref pulls the tribal chief off of Knight. Roman then gets ready for another Superman punch but is caught by the Gravy Train. The crowd explodes with excitement as LA Knight pins Roman.. 1, 2… Roman kicks out. Knight looks devastated as he gets ready for the big elbow drop. He gets his foot grabbed by Heyman. This allows Roman to connect with a final spear. 1, 2, 3… Roman Reigns retrains again, much to the chagrin of the sold out crowd.
Gunther vs Shinsuke Nakamura
Build
On the Raw after Extreme Rules, Ludwig Kaiser tells everybody that Gunther is the best IC champion of all time but Shinsuke Nakamura comes out to the ring and says that’s not true. He challenges Gunther to a fair fight at Suvivor Series and holds out his hand. Gunther shakes it but Shinsuke kicks him in the balls! He smiles and says, “A fair fight, as of now!”
Through the remainder of the build, the two crush all opposition on the way to facing one another.
Match
The match is hard hitting and fast paced. Towards the end of the match, Shinsuke goes for a Big Kinsasha but is caught with a chop by Gunther. Gunther then scoops him up for the power bomb. 1, 2, 3… Gunther wins, cementing himself as one of the greatest of all time.
Austin Theory vs Shemaus vs AJ Styles vs Grayson Waller vs Montez Ford vs Angelo Dawkins in a 6 Man Championship Scramble for the US title
Build
Shemaus: Shemaus challenges for the US title at Clash at the Castle. Austin Theory wins by cheating. After the match, Grayson Waller comes down to the ring and attacks Shemaus, injuring his leg. Austin Theory then gives Waller money, leaving Shemaus in the ring. On the Smackdown after Extreme Rules, Shemaus returns promising to destroy Austin Theory.
AJ Styles: AJ challenges Austin Theory at Extreme Rules but comes up short after Grayson Waller interferes. This loss infuriates AJ who also challenges Austin Theory on the Smackdown after Extreme Rules.
Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins: The Street Prophets face Grayson Waller and Austin Theory on the Smackdown after Extreme Rules. The match ends in Chaos after Theory pisses off AJ Styles, who is doing guest commentary. This leads to Austin repeatedly dodging a rematch with the Street Prophets, causing them to challenge him at Extreme Rules as well.
Grayson Waller: Grayson becomes Austin Theory’s tag partner after getting on the A Game’s payroll. Austin refuses to give him any recognition. Then, on the go home Smackdown before Survivor Series, Adam Pearce announces that one more person has been added to the championship scramble match. Austin asks who. Adam tells him to turn around. When he does, he gets a big right hand from Grayson Waller.
Austin Theory: Austin Theory has been a dick throughout the build, causing anyone he’s crossed paths with to hate him. This results in an almost unwinnable situation for Austin Theory.
Match
The first two entrants in the match are Austin Theory and Shemaus. Austin Theory appears scared to be starting first but goes through with it anyway. The bell rings. Shemaus hits Austin with a Brogue Kick. Shemaus pins Austin. 1, 2, 3.. Shemaus has become the interim US Champion. He then throws Theory out of the ring (despite Austin not being eliminated). Shemaus waits for the next opponent. The next opponent is… Grayson Waller. Grayson Waller walks out from backstage and sees the man that he injured at Clash at the Castle. He slowly walkd down the ramp, but Shemaus gets out of the ring and attacks him. The interim US Champ beats the crap out of Grayson Waller. After a couple minutes, the next man comes out… Angelo Dawkins. Angelo Dawkins runs down and begins trading rights and lefts with Shemaus. The two men brawl into the ring when Austin Theory decks Angelo with a steel chair, then hits Shemaus over the head with the chair, busting him open. He pins Shemaus.. 1, 2, 3… becoming the intermim US Champ. He then attempts to escape up the ramp but is stopped by the next entrant.. Montez Ford. Montez Ford chases Austin Theory back up the ramp. Theory runs into the ring and eats a Spine Buster by Angelo Dawkins, then a Frog Splash by Ford. Grayson then throws both of the Street Prophets out of the ring and pins his former boss.. 1, 2, 3.. Grayson becomes interim champ. Then the final entrant, AJ Styles, comes out to the ring. (a clock is set for 5 minutes). AJ jumps into the ring, Phenominal Forearming Grayson Waller, pinning him.. 1, 2, 3.. AJ Styles has become interim champ. The five men go back and forth for four minutes. That’s when Austin Theory rolls up AJ Styles!.. 1, 2, 3.. Theory becomes interim champ. Then Shemaus Brogue Kicks Austin Theory, pins him.. 1, 2, 3.. Shemaus is now interim champ. Then Grayson Waller rolls up Shemaus, grabs the tights.. 1, 2, 3.. Waller is interim champ. Grayson celebrates but accidentally backs up into Austin Theory, who hits him with an A Town Down.. 1, 2, 3.. Theory is interim champ. Angelo Dawkins then spears Austin Theory and pins him.. 1, 2.. It’s broken up by a Frog Splash by Montez Ford, who pins Austin Theory.. 1, 2, 3.. As the timer hits zero, Ford becomes permanent champ! Montez celebrates as Angelo shoots him a cold look.
Asuka(C) vs Iyo Sky for the Smackdown Womens Championship
Build
Bailey and Dakota Kay betray Iyo Sky at Summerslam. They feud until Extreme Rules where Iyo Sky beats Bailey in a steel cage. On the Smackdown after Extreme Rules, Asuka calls out Iyo Sky. She says, “You’re a great competitor, but I can make you even better. Take my hand and you can be something special.” Iyo looks at her hand, looks at Asuka, and she slaps Asuka across the face and says, “All I need is ME!” Asuka then sprays the mist in Iyo’s face, causing temporary blindness as she locks in the Asuka Lock.
Over the next few weeks, Asuka shows zero mercy towards Iyo, attacking her at all turns, frequently using a pipe wrench. Iyo, however, refuses to use weapons, instead wanting to beat Asuka mono y mono.
Match
The match is a hard hitting, technical classic, with both women giving it their all. Towards the end of the match, Iyo Sky has Asuka down for the Moonsault. She jumps to hit the move when Asuka sprays her with the mist, mid air! This temporarily blinds Iyo, allowing Asuka to lock in the Asuka Lock. Iyo taps out in the hold. Asuka is celebrating, but the ref looks down at Iyo. He notices the mist in her eyes so he gives her a rag and starts the match back. Asuka is livid. She turns around and eats a Hurricanrana, the a Moonsault. 1, 2, 3… Iyo has pulled off the shocking upset.
Judgement Day vs Sami Zayn, Kevin Owens, Seth Rollins and Becky Lynch in a Wargames Match
Build
At Extreme Rules, Finn Balor faces Seth Rollins for the World Title. When it appears that Seth has the match won, it is interrupted by the Judgement Day. They beat Seth down until he is saved by Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn.
On the Raw after Extreme Rules, Sami and KO explain why they helped Seth. Kevin says, “We helped you because we hate the Judgement Day more than we hate you… by just a little bit!” All of a sudden, the lights go out and the Judgement Day attack. Sami, Seth, and Kevin seem to weather the storm until Rhea Ripley gets involved. Judgement Day begins to take control when Becky Lynch’s music hits. She comes down to the ring with a chair, saving her husband and his two tag partners.
In the following weeks, the two groups continue to brawl until the only way to contain them is a War Games Match.
Match
Becky demands to be first for her group while Damian Priest is first for Judgement Day. Damian Priest second guesses going after Becky allowing Becky to hit him with a Man Handle Slam. The next entrant is for the Judgement Day. It’s Rhea Ripley. She tells Damian to back off as she begins to dominate Becky. The next entrant is Kevin Owens. He comes into the ring and stuns both Damian and Rhea Ripley. The score is now even with Rhea and Damian vs Kevin and Becky. The next man to enter is Dominik. He comes in with a pair of brass knuckles, hitting Kevin, then allowing Rhea to hit Becky with them. This allows the Judgement Day to dominate Kevin and Becky. The next person to come in is Seth. This levels the playing field; three on three. The last member to enter for the Judgement Day is Finn. He comes in to aide his team by taking the attack to his rival, Seth. Finally, the last man to enter the match is Sami Zayn. He hits the Helluva Kick on all four members of the Judgement Days. Now, pinning can commence. The two teams go all out until only two men are left standing.. Finn Balor and Seth Rollins. The two go blow for blow, with neither man giving up. Out of nowhere, Rhea comes up behind Seth, low blows him and hits him with a Riptide. Finn climbs to the top of the cage to hit a Coop De Grace on Seth, but Becky pulls her husband out of the way. She hits Finn with a Man Handle Slam, then Rhea. She then pins Finn to win the match for her team!

What’s the result when a bunch of teenagers make shit up for their creative writing exercises all meditate and have dreams about spirit animal guides, and post on a talking cat roleplay forum about it?
An evil polar bear that tries to kill you.
This is the third write-up I’ve made about Virtual Warrior World, a Proboards roleplay forum based on the Warrior Cats book series by Erin Hunter, which I’ve already covered in these two previous posts. Some forum members I mentioned in the first post also show up here, as you’ll see later. (You don’t have to read any of the other posts to get what’s going on here, but the first gives more in-depth context.)
Spirit Animals
A spirit animal, also known as a totem, is a sacred guide that can take the form of an animal and is seen as a protector. Spirit animals are important in many cultures, including certain Native American ones (such as the Ojibwe). They also tend to be appropriated by neopagans, New Age hippies, and white American teenagers.
Obligatory disclaimer time: I don’t know anything about spirit animals other than what’s written about them on Wikipedia. This writeup is NOT intended to mock anyone’s spiritual or religious beliefs, nor make a claim that such cultural beliefs around spirit animals are inherently “fake” or “imaginary”. It’s important to note that nobody in this club (as far as I know) was Native American or indigenous, nobody performed religious rites or even acknowledged such aspects, and several members years after the fact admitted that they had been making the whole thing up and never saw any spirit guides, animal or otherwise. This writeup is all in the spirit (no pun intended) of fun, and is not in any way supposed to be commentary on real religions or cultures.
Now that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the club itself.
The Spirit Animal Club
On VWW, there was a section dedicated to clubs that members could make about their interests. The site admin, Jai, made a fair few clubs of her own and created sub-boards for them (one of them was a fan club for The Lonely Island, whom you might know as the masterminds behind such iconic hits as “Jizz in My Pants” and “I’m On a Boat”); if your club got popular enough, she would make a board for it too. So there were clubs dedicated to the usual subjects: debate, writing, gaming, anime, the LGBTQ+ community, etc.
One particularly notable club was the spirit animal club, which a (white) member named Abby (whose character was Skyflight) came up with and Jai made a board for. The club’s actual name was “Animal Spirit Guides Club”, but because that was too clunky, everybody just called it the spirit animal club.
The club was about who could write the most creative story about yourself and your favorite animal finding your spirit animal and connecting with other members who were communing with theirs. You didn’t have to have your own spirit guide to join; anybody could sign up, but the point of joining was that you would somehow find it eventually.
Abby’s spirit animal was a hawk named Farrow; Jai’s was an eagle named Baldwin. Most spirit animals were “cool” or “pretty” animals in that vein, such as tigers, cheetahs, foxes, bears, panthers, deer, horses, robins, swans, ravens, and wolves (that last one was particularly common, for some reason…). Rare were the outliers: one had a boa constrictor as their spirit guide. Another had a clownfish. And absolutely no one had, say, a slug or a mole rat as their spirit animal.
The club was divisive: it was pretty popular at its peak (around fifty-nine members!), but it had its naysayers who wanted to get rid of it. The most vocal of them was Mike (the resident gay admin who hated his job for a myriad of reasons), who knew thought the whole thing was a creative writing exercise and (by his own admission) also sort of, kind of wanted it gone out of spite. He might have succeeded if it had been smaller or less popular, but because Jai herself was a member, it stayed.
Other than that, everything was smooth sailing. Discussions centered on how to meditate to find your spirit animal, what your spirit animal was like, what your spirit animal told you today, what your spirit animal ate for breakfast…okay, not that last one, but you get the idea.
One memorable thread discussed past lives: Steph (the staffer who later helped with the hack of VWW) claimed she had been a Native American girl in a Seneca tribe who drowned in a river when she was around twelve to fourteen. Another member named Jenny said she had once lived in ancient Greece and died when she fell from a cliff. Abby had a whole saga about how in her past life, she had been an ancient Egyptian princess who was murdered by her stepmother for challenging her authority, and she had an evil older brother and an older sister (no word on whether or not the sister was evil too), and her father was the Pharaoh for a short time (which somehow explained Abby’s bad relationship with her own dad), and her mother had been one of the Pharaoh’s concubines, so her stepmother was hateful because she couldn’t have children of her own, and…
You get the idea. The thread capped off with one more member claiming her past life had been as a First Nations girl who loved salmon and ran away from home in winter when she was twelve, then froze to death, and concluding that was why she hated wearing scarves or hats in winter.
Notice that all these past lives ended in dramatic deaths at a young age, and nobody had died from old age or illness. That was the spirit animal club for you.
But alas, such peace could not last long. That leads us to:
One, Two, Jason's Coming for You
Remember the outlier with the clownfish for a spirit guide? Her name was Jessica (she was also a staff member; her character was Sparrowfeather), her clownfish was named Chloe, and one day in October 2010, she (not the clownfish) made a post that would change everything for the club.
In this post, she detailed how she had fallen asleep and dreamed that she was looking for Chloe. When she went to a pond, a polar bear showed up and she assumed he was a spirit guide too. She asked who he was, and he introduced himself as Jason before attacking her. Fortunately, a leopard named Amber showed up in the nick of time to protect her; unfortunately, she woke up with sore and red arms that left her scratching them. Totally befuddled by the whole thing that definitely happened, she asked what it meant.
The first reply was from a member named Jordan, who oh so helpfully told her that Jason was probably a “shadow guide” (without explaining what that meant) and that she probably deserved to nearly be killed because she must’ve done something bad to warrant it! Classy. The other replies were about the same level of usefulness, with nobody understanding where this Jason weirdo had come from.
Later, Jessica posted again in her thread that Amber told her Jason was not her spirit animal, and that her clownfish guide, Chloe, had once been contacted by the kid Jason was supposed to guide. The kid died, Jason blamed Chloe for it, and the fish went into hiding. How exactly a clownfish from the astral plane was able to cause the death of a child went unexplained.
Abby’s helpful advice was that Jessica should research leopards and polar bears, and eventually confront Jason to get rid of him. She cited the fact that she and Jai had both apparently had a problem with an “evil guide” in the past and dealt with it by confronting it, but unfortunately didn’t elaborate on how that happened.
There was some radio silence for a bit, then Jessica posted again. Her next thread was about how she had a dream of walking up a creek and encountering a panther that could shapeshift. Conveniently, she somehow realized that it was Jason, and then it turned into a polar bear and attacked her. When she called out to her spirit guide for help, Amber helpfully told her that she’d been told not to “interfere with destiny” and sent her good wishes, spouted off some poorly Google Translated random Italian, and disappeared, leaving Jessica on her own to wake up just as Jason tried to kill her again. Couldn’t ask for a better spirit guide.
Jessica naturally asked her friends what this meant; Abby posited that the Italian that Amber had spoken was her giving Jessica her magic energy (as it literally translates to “Security for the baby. Sure it will. Out of harm's way, oh, can win the battle. I am sending my will, my strength and power. Let child.”). When Jessica asked if Jason was an evil spirit (as anyone would do after nearly being murdered in their sleep by an evil polar bear), Abby said definitively that Jason was a lost spirit animal without a human.
All was quiet for about two months, but like any good slasher movie villain, Jason made his return (making his name even more appropriate—funny, that). His next victim was fittingly Jordan. Jordan had (allegedly) had a problem of his own with his spirit animals three months ago: he’d had two spirit guides, a wolf named Nightshade and a snake named Ankh, and they left him because they were “messengers” to herald his real spirit animal, a snowy owl named Aurora. That would’ve been well and good until, horror of horrors, he dreamed that Nightshade was attacked!
He found Nightshade bleeding violet blood, which we all know talking wolves have, because Jason mauled him. Aurora, ever the helpful type, told Jordan that they could protect him from Jason for a while, but like any good heroic anime protagonist, he’d have to face Jason eventually. Apparently, Jason was a demon who fed on fear and negativity, and the only way to ward him off was to show no emotion around him. The unmentioned alternative solution would probably have been to turn your back when he tries to attack you so that he’ll evaporate…wait, wrong slasher villain. Never mind.
Anyway, Jordan’s post did not get the attention he so desperately craved; he only got one response from another member named Zach, who told him to meditate and then wished he had his own spirit animal so he could ask them about Jason. Jordan’s reply was to give the sage advice to everyone in the club to get away from any sign of Jason in the “physical world”, which apparently includes movie posters and stuffed animals, because he’s totally an Empath™ and can tell that, shockingly, the polar bear that keeps trying to attack people feels “anger, bloodlust, and death-urges”! Who’d-a thunk it?
The next day, a girl named Carolyn posted about how her two spirit animals had disappeared. When she encountered a polar bear, she asked him if he’d seen one of them, he introduced himself as Jason, and attacked her until a hawk showed up and scared him off. The only advice she got was to meditate more, and Jordan helpfully told her that Jason was dangerous and had raging bloodlust (just in case she might have gotten confused and thought Jason was going around to give hugs).
The thread petered out after she claimed that the hawk told her that her previous spirit animals had left her forever, presumably to avoid dealing with any pesky bears. Ah, spirit animals. Gotta love ‘em.
Literally one day later, a club member named Emily piped up with a Jason story of her own. She claimed that not only did she believe her spirit animal, a white tiger named Leila, had been with her since she was a kid, she also believed Jason had been trying to target her back then. Apparently, she asked her mother about her childhood and whether or not polar bears had been involved, and her mother definitely told her that Emily had once woken up, screaming, “He’s gonna get me, the polar bear!”
So from this totally legit information, Emily drew the logical conclusion that Jason was going to try to kill her, and she could destroy him, and like any good chosen one protagonist, only she could do it. Somehow.
Her fellow club members—including Zach and Jordan—were not so accepting of her radical ideas, and told her she was being paranoid and to get some sleep (because, you know, that’s totally what you should do when you think an evil polar bear’s trying to kill you in your dreams).
Jordan added the crucial information that demons didn’t focus on solely one target and sought to create as much chaos as possible, because I guess he somehow became the expert on demons in addition to being an Empath™. He also claimed that Jason was actually rather cute if you got past him trying to murder everyone, because we all know attempting to murder children is a very minor character flaw that can be easily overlooked.
Emily’s response? She claimed she somehow fell asleep immediately after posting, was attacked by Jason in her dream, and screamed for Leila, who didn’t show up. How convenient! The only advice she got after that was to talk to Abby or Jai about it, since they were the club admins.
Three, Four, Better Lock Your Door
Not even a week passed before a fourth member, Jody, posted that she'd seen Jason too. She had been trying to contact her own spirit guide, a swan named Dooslan, when Jason showed up. She asked him what his name was, he told her his name like any true gentleman would, and then started attacking her until a deer and a cardinal showed up and told him "Swiper, no swiping" to stop. Then she woke up.
This sent the other members into a tizzy, and Zach suggested that Jason, like any classic anime villain, was planning something. Steph claimed that her spirit animal told her that saying Jason's name was what made him appear. Another member claimed that she got blurry visions of Jason even though she hadn’t even tried to contact her spirit animal.
Four days later, a member named Lilly posted about how she’d been talking to her spirit animal, a wolf named Lacriasca, until the wolf suddenly vanished (adding another example to the pattern of spirit animals being useless thus far) and she woke up back in the real world. Then, while still in said real world, she saw Jason in front of her! And what was her reaction to being faced with this notorious terrorizer of teens she knew on the internet?
Hug him, of course.
Naturally, this ended with her arm being broken—but not by Jason, actually! She told another member that she’d been meditating outside, then conveniently got hit by a basketball right before Jason showed up. And she had somehow been able to hug this angry astral plane polar bear with an arm that got broken moments earlier by a basketball. Or the basketball breaking her arm was caused by Jason’s arrival, I’m not sure. It’s not really clear. Maybe Jason was also a basketball player in addition to being a killer polar bear?
Jenny made a thread to document the pattern of everyone who got attacked by Jason. Jessica herself commented and was shocked, shocked, that Jason had obtained more victims! No one had any solutions to this problem, except for Abby and, surprisingly, resident spirit animal doubter Mike. Sort of.
Five, Six, Grab Your…Wait, That’s It?
Several days later, Mike posted a simple challenge on the board for a member to explain what exactly their “spirit animal” business was all about. Abby reacted to this very calmly and gracefully, as you can see here, and told everyone else in the club not to respond to him. After some back-and-forth between them, Abby linked to an expert on spirit animals to show where she’d gotten her interest in them. Personally, I have no idea who this guy is or how much of a verified expert he is on spirit guides, but the font he uses for everything on his site is Papyrus. Make of that what you will.
Although Abby wasn’t a fan of Mike’s little stunt, she did agree with one point he’d brought up—namely, that spirituality was largely based on your subconscious and what you manifested of it through dreams, meditation, or the like. She made a thread to lay down the law about Jason: it was best to no longer give him attention because it would make the issue worse, and the only person she believed about the Jason attacks was Jessica—everyone else was overreacting, because she (somehow) knew for a fact that the spirit world had guards to keep beings like him out. From now on, anyone who wanted to talk about Jason could only do it in a PM to her. No more posting about the evil polar bear.
Not a lot of people responded, but Jenny pointed out the oddity of the fact that Jason had first been classified as a spirit animal without a human and was now considered a demon. Abby’s response was that the whole Jason thing was just a product of an “overactive imagination” (insert obligatory snark about self-awareness here), because spirit animals couldn’t actually hurt people physically at all, let alone cause a broken arm. According to her, Jason couldn’t be a demon because demons work for the devil and no one on the site was a Satan worshiper (as far as we know), and somehow she knew all of this because she’d been attacked by spirit animals before and only got hurt mentally. Unfortunately, she didn’t elaborate on this claim (again).
The only member to respond to Abby after that was Jordan, who suggested that Jason was a figment of a collective imagination and that everyone should stop obsessing over Jason and move on. Sound advice, which Abby agreed with, and that was the end of the thread. All’s well that ends well, right? Well…
Seven, Eight, He’s a Poor Little Cinnamon Roll Now, Actually!
Jordan proceeded to take a massive dump on his own logic and made a thread later that same month, with the oh so civil title of “You People Are Idiots”. He posted about how he’d been meditating in his basement until Jason showed up, touched his nose to Jordan’s chest, somehow caused Jordan to hallucinate about his loved ones, and turned into a little cub.
Then Jordan was transported to his “spirit world”, where he met with Nightshade, Ankh, Aurora, and his fourth newly found spirit guide, a black panther named Masen, because he apparently was somehow soooo special that he got not one, not two, not three, but FOUR spirit animals. The whole gang was shocked that Jason was now a cute cub, and Jordan heard a voice telling him that this would all make sense later. (Spoiler alert: it did not.)
He concluded the post by saying Jason followed him around everywhere now, and threatened to rip anyone who called Jason evil to pieces because he was soooo totally "badass", being an alleged Empath™ with five spirit animals now and all.
The reception to his self-aggrandizing little display was lukewarm, to say the least. Jenny expressed skepticism that Jason was able to attach himself to Jordan, abiding by Jessica's story that Jason was another kid’s intended spirit guide who went rogue and Abby's claim that the “attacks” on the other members were just their imagination. Abby had no response other than to wish him luck with Jason, stating that demons could shapeshift and deceive.
Jordan’s reply was that it did happen, and that he’s totally an Empath™, and Jason’s totally a good guy now, girls, really, he’s a cute little de-aged cub now and everything! He went on to say that his wolf, Nightshade, was wary and always beside him whenever Jason was around (considering that Jason, you know, mauled him and all), and he was ignoring Nightshade now because the wolf (very logically) thought he was going to do something stupid. Truly a guy worthy of having five spirit animals.
Abby and Jenny didn’t take kindly to this and told him to listen to his spirit animal, Jordan conceded the point, and that was that.
Nine, Ten, We Can All Sleep Again
The next month, Jordan posted about how he thought he was being demonically possessed because he kept waking up to bleeding cuts on his arm. He claimed that this demon possessed him to go into the restroom during class and cut the name “Drew” into his arm with a paperclip, and he somehow knew that was the spirit’s name. Oh, and he was sure his friend was being possessed too because, uh…her pupils were big and “gear-shaped” (I assume this was a typo), and she was laughing a lot and being clingy. Because those count as signs of demonic possession now.
Zach advised him to meditate, but Jordan whined he couldn’t do that because all his spirit animals except for Jason were (understandably) ignoring him. The only one talking to him was Jason, who had no advice because he was currently infantilized. No one else had much valuable advice, and Emily (remember her?) told him on her other account to get holy water or an exorcism. Jordan rejected both options because of his hatred for priests and shared that the demon’s full name was Drusilla (because I guess she took the time to introduce herself in between the self-mutilations).
Conveniently, he refused to post any photos of his arm’s cut because it was too “gross” (sure, Jan). When advised to burn sage instead, he claimed he’d already tried that and helpfully filled in that his spirit animals had previously been shunning him because of Jason, so he cut ties with the cub, and now his guides were fighting the demons for him. So much for ripping anyone who insulted Jason to pieces.
Emily told him he had to say holy words while burning the sage to make it work, and that he shouldn’t get a “Lugi board” (I presume she meant “ouija board”) because that’d make it worse. Jordan responded that the demons were now conveniently gone and he’d put “protection charms” around his home and his friends (which I guess absolved his friend of her possession too), so it was all resolved now. Yay?
Jason basically faded into irrelevance after that, and only got a mention in two more threads. Carolyn posted again, this time about how she definitely saw a shadowy figure manifest in front of her, and when Zach suggested that it might be Jason in search of a new home, Jordan barged in to “correct” him that Jason wasn’t a demon (which had nothing to do with what Zach had said). Jenny chided Jordan in turn for talking about Jason and reiterated definitively that Jason had been another kid’s spirit animal who solely messed with Jessica, and all other sightings of him had been imaginative. After some spamming from another kid, Abby resolved the matter by stating the shadow figure was not a demon, but a shadow guide (and yet again failed to explain what that was).
The other thread was from a member named Morgan who talked about how, while daydreaming in math class, she had found her spirit animal sitting on the back of a polar bear. When Zach suggested that it was Jason, Abby cut in to reinforce the decree that Jason wasn’t real and had been a figment of everyone’s imagination. Zach reminded her of what Jordan and Jessica had said about him; Jordan screeched once again that his precious little baby Jason (whom he abandoned) wasn’t a demon and was somehow not a spirit, conceded grudgingly that some of Jason’s attacks had been imaginary (presumably not including his own experiences), and whined that people were stupid. Oh, and Morgan said her polar bear’s name was Cascade, but by that point nobody cared.
So, what can be learned from this episode? Not a lot, other than maybe the fact that an evil polar bear can do a lot to grip a bunch of teenagers’ imaginations. Sadly, that was the only exciting thing to ever happen in the spirit animal club, so there’s not much else to write about after that. There are some chat logs discussing the incident years later, though (“Roy” is another name Jordan went by and, to my knowledge, is not his real name).
And on a final note: from what I’ve heard, Abby still believes in spirit animals to this day. Do whatever you want with that information.

UPDATE: WB killed the Dr. SEUSS code some time in the past 3 weeks sorry
MA = Movies Anywhere
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title = pending trade
If a title is no longer listed = It has been traded
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• Ex Machina HD Vudu
• Exodus: Gods And Kings HD (4K If iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• the Expendables 2 HD Vudu/iTunes/GP
• the Expendables 3 4K Vudu
• the Expendables 3 [unrated] HD
• the Expendables 3 HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• Extraction HD Vudu
• Fast & Furious 1 (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 1 HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 2 (4K iTunes) =MA
• Fast & Furious 3 HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 4 HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 4 (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Fast & Furious 5 Extended (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 5 Extended HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 6 Extended (4K iTunes) =MA
• Fast & Furious 6 Extended HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 7 Extended HD =MA
• Fast & Furious 7 Extended (4K iTunes) =MA
• Fast Furious 8 Extended 4K =MA
• Fast Furious 8 Extended HD =MA
• Fast Furious 8 Theatrical 4K =MA
• Fast Furious 8 Theatrical HD =MA
• the Fault In Our Stars HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Fault In Our Stars HD =MA (no Upgrade)
• the Favourite HD =MA
• Fences HD VUDU or iTunes 4K (split)
• Fifty Shades Darker [unrated] (iTunes) HD =MA
• Fifty Shades Darker [unrated] HD =MA
• Fifty Shades Of Grey [unrated] HD =MA
• Fifty Shades Of Grey [standard] 4K (iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Fighter HD =MA
• Finding Dory (googleplay) HD =MA
• Finding Dory HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Finding Nemo (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Finest Hour HD =MA
• the Finest Hour (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Five Year Engagement (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Flight HD (Vudu / iTunes Split)
• Footloose (2011) SD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Frank & Lola HD =MA
• Fright Night 2 UR HD =MA
• the Front Runner SD = MA
• Frozen HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Frozen (googleplay) HD =MA
• Frozen (sing Along Edition) HD =MA
• Frozen (sing-along Edition) (googleplay) HD =MA
• Frozen Ground HD Vudu
• Fury HD =MA
• Fury SD =MA
• G.I.Joe Retaliation HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• the Gambler HD (Vudu / iTunes Split)
• Gemini Man HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• Get On Up (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Get The Gringo (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Ghost In The Shell [2017] HD Vudu Only
• Ghost Rider Spirit Of Vengeance SD =MA
• Ghostbusters HD =MA
• Ghostbusters: Answer The Call & Extended HD =MA
• Gifted HD =MA
• the Girl In The Spidersweb SD =MA
• the Girl On The Train =MA 4K (iTunes Redeem)
• the Girl On The Train =MA HD
• the Giver HD Vudu
• Gladiator Vudu or iTunes 4K
• Glee The Concert (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• God's Not Dead 3: A Light In Darkness HD =MA
• Gods Of Egypt HD Vudu (and iTunes 4K split)
• Gods Of Egypt SD Vudu
• Grace Unplugged HD Vudu
• the Grand Budapest Hotel HD =MA
• the Great Wall (iTunes Portion) 4K =MA
• the Great Wall HD =MA
• the Greatest Showman HD =MA
• the Grey (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Grown Ups 2 HD =MA
• Grown Ups 2 SD =MA
• Guardians Of The Galaxy Volume 1 HD =MA (no 4K Upgrade)
• Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2.0 (googleplay) HD =MA
• Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2.0 4K =MA
• the Gunman HD =MA
• the Gunman (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Hacksaw Ridge HD Vudu iTunes Or GP
• Hail, Caesar! HD =MA
• Hail, Caesar! (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Halloween Kills Extended HD =MA
• Hammer Of The Gods SD Vudu
• Hansel & Gretel [unrated] HD Vudu / HD iTunes (split)
• Hands of Stones HD Vudu
• the Hangover (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Hardcore Henry HD =MA (iTunes redeem)
• Harvey (1950) (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Hateful Eight HD Vudu Or GP
• the Haunting In Connecticut 2 Ghosts Of Georgia HD Vudu
• the Heat HD =MA
• the Heat (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA (will Send First)
• Heaven Is For Real HD =MA
• Heaven Is For Real SD =MA
• Hell Or High Water SD Vudu
• Hellboy (2019) 4K Vudu/iTunes/(GP HD)
• Here Comes The Boom SD =MA
• Hidden Figures HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Hillsong: Let Hope Rise HD =MA
• Hocus Pocus (googleplay) HD =MA
• Holiday Inn (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Home Again HD =MA
• Home Alone 4K =MA
• Home Alone HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Home Alone 2: Lost In New York HD =MA
• Homefront (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Homefront HD =MA
• Honey 2 (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Honey 2 HD =MA
• Hop (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Hop HD =MA
• Hope Springs HD =MA
• Horton Hears A Who (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Host (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Hostiles 4K Vudu/iTunes/(GP HD)
• Hotel Transylvania SD =MA
• Hotel Transylvania 3 SD =MA
• Hours SD Vudu
• House With A Clock In Its Walls HD =MA
• How To Train A Dragon 2 HD =MA
• the Hundred Foot Journey (googleplay) HD =MA
• Hugo SD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• the Hunger Games HD Vudu
• the Hunger Games: Catching Fire HD Vudu
• the Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 HD Vudu
• the Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 2 HD Vudu
• I See You HD Vudu (no itunes)
• I, Frankenstein HD Vudu/iTunes/GP
• Ice Age: A Mammoth Christmas (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Ice Age: Dawn Of Dinosaurs (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Ice Age: the Great Egg-Scapade HD =MA
• Identity Thief (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Ides Of March HD =MA
• In Time (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Incarnate (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Independence Day Resurgence HD =MA (no Upgrade)
• Independence Day Resurgence HD (4K if iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• Inferno HD =MA
• Inglorious Bastards (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Inside Out HD (4K If iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• Inside Out (google Redeem) HD =MA
• Insidious Chapter 2 SD =MA
• Insidious: the last key SD =MA
• Internship (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Interview HD =MA
• the Interview SD =MA
• Into The Spider-verse SD =MA
• Iron Man 3 (googleplay) HD =MA
• Iron Man 3 HD (4K If iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• Jack Reacher SD Vudu
• Jack Reacher HD Vudu (4K itunes split)
• Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit HD Vudu Or iTunes
• Jarhead 2 [unrated] HD =MA
• Jarhead 2 [unrated] HD =MA (iTunes portion)
• Jarhead Law Of Return HD =MA
• Jason Bourne HD =MA
• Jason Bourne 4K =MA (iTunes portion)
• Jaws HD =MA
• Joe SD Vudu
• John Wick 4K (Vudu,iTunes Or HD-GP)
• John Wick SD? Dvd (Vudu/iTunes/GP)
• John Wick : Chapter 2 HD (Vudu,iTunes Or HD-GP)
• John Wick 3 4K (Vudu,iTunes Or HD-GP)
• Joy HD (4K If iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• Joy HD =MA
• Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle SD =MA
• Jumper (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Jungle Book [2016] (preorder) HD =MA
• Jungle Cruise (googleplay) HD =MA
• Juno (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Jurassic Park (4K iTunes) =MA
• Jurassic Park HD =MA
• Jurassic World (4K iTunes) =MA
• Jurassic World HD =MA
• Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom HD =MA
• Just Wright (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Justin Bieber: Never Say Never HD VUDU / iTunes (split)
• Keeping Up with the Jones (4K if iTunes Redeem) = MA
• Kevin Heart: Let Me Explain HD
• Kickass 2 (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Kickass 2 HD =MA
• Kidnap HD =MA
• Kidnap (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Killer Elite (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Killing Them Softly HD Vudu
• Kin HD Vudu/iTunes/GP
• the Kingsman: The Golden Circle HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Kingsman: The Secret Service HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Kingsman: The Secret Service SD (Vudu) =MA
• Knight And Day (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Knocked Up HD =MA
• Knocked Up (iTunes redeem) HD =MA
• Kung Fu Panda 3 HD =MA
• the Last Exorcism Past2 SD =MA
• Last Knights HD Vudu
• the Last Stand HD
• Last Vegas SD =MA
• the Last Witch Hunter SD Vudu
• the Legend Of Hercules HD Vudu
• Les Miserables [1998] HD =MA
• Les Miserables [2012] (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Les Miserables [2012] HD =MA
• Let's Be Cops HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Life HD =MA
• Life As We Know It (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Life As We Know It SD =MA
• Knight And Day (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Life Of Pi HD (4K iTunes Through Foxredeem) =MA
• Lightyear (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Little Mermaid HD =MA
• the Little Mermaid (googleplay) HD =MA
• Little Women (2019) HD =MA
• Lockout (unrated) SD =MA
• the LOFT (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Logan HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Logan Lucky HD =MA
• Logan Lucky 4K (iTunes) =MA
• the Lone Ranger (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Lone Ranger HD =MA
• Lone Survivor HD =MA
• Lone Survivor 4K (iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Longest Ride HD ( 4K If iTunes Redeemed) =MA
• the Longest Week HD Vudu
• Looper SD =MA
• the Lorax (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Lorax HD =MA
• the Lord of The Rings: Return Of The King HD =MA
• the Lords Of Salem HD Vudu
• Love Actually (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Love Actually SD =MA
• Love & Mercy HD VUDU
• Love & Other Drugs (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Machete (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted HD =MA
• Madea's Neighbors From Hell The Play SD Vudu
• Madea's Witness Protection HD Vudu Or iTunes
• Madea's Witness Protection SD Vudu
• Maggie HD Vudu Only
• Maleficent (googleplay) HD =MA
• Maleficent HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Maleficent: mistress of evil (googleplay) HD =MA
• Mall Cop 2 SD =MA
• Mamma Mia! (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again HD =MA
• the Man With The Iron Fists (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Marauders HD Vudu
• the Marine 4 HD Vudu
• the Marine 6: close quarters SD =MA
• Marley & Me (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Martian HD (4K If iTunes Redeem)=MA
• Mary Poppins HD =MA
• Mary Poppins (googleplay) HD =MA
• Mary Poppins: Returns (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Maze Runner HD (no Upgrade)
• the Mechanic: Resurrection HD Vudu, GP HD Or iTunes 4K
• the Mechanic: Resurrection SD Vudu
• Megan Leavey (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Megan Leavey HD =MA
• Men In Black 2 HD =MA
• Men In Black 3 HD =MA
• Men In Black 3 SD =MA
• Middle School: The Worse Years Of My Life HD Vudu/GP or iTunes split
• Midway 4K Vudu/iTunes or GP
• Mike & Dave Need A Wedding Date HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Minions (4K iTunes) =MA
• Minions HD =MA
• Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children HD (4K iTunes redeem) =MA
• Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children HD =MA (Vudu Redeem)
• Mission Impossible: Fallout HD (Vudu or iTunes)
• Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocal HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocal Dvd (Vudu)
• Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (HD Vudu Or iTunes 4K)
• Mom's Night Out SD =MA
• Moneyball HD =MA
• Monte Carlo (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Monuments Men HD =MA
• the Monuments Men SD =MA
• Moonlight HD Vudu
• Monster's University (googleplay) HD =MA
• Mortal Instruments SD =MA
• Mostly Ghostly: Have You Met My Ghoulfriend? (iTunes Portion) HD =MA
• Mostly Ghostly: Have You Met My Ghoulfriend? HD =MA
• the Mountain Between Us HD ( 4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Mr. Holmes HD Vudu
• Mr. Peabody & Sherman HD =MA
• Mr. Popper's Penguins (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Mud HD Vudu
• Mulan Original Cartoon (googleplay) HD =MA
• the Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Muppets Most Wanted (googleplay) HD =MA
• Muppets Most Wanted HD =MA
• My All American HD =MA
• My All American (iTunes redeem) HD =MA
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 HD =MA
• My Life As A Zucchini (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Nebraska HD Vudu
• Nerve SD Vudu
• Night At The Museum Or Night At The Museum: 2 [pick One] HD =MA
• Night At The Museum 2: Battle Of The Smithsonian (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Night At The Museum 3: Secret Of The Tomb HD ( 4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Night School [extended] HD =MA
• No Country For Old Men HD Vudu Or GP
• No Escape HD Vudu
• Noah HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• Non-stop (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Non-stop HD =MA
• Norm Of The North HD (iTunes Or GP)
• Norm Of The North HD Vudu Only
• Now You See Me 4K Vudu/iTunes/GP
• Now You See Me HD Vudu
• Now You See Me HD Vudu/iTunes/GP
• Now You See Me 2 SD Vudu
• Oblivion HD =MA
• Office Party HD VUDU or iTunes (split)
• Olympus Has Fallen SD =MA
• the Oranges (itunes redeem) SD =MA
• the Other Woman HD =MA
• Ouija: Origin Of Evil (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Overcomer SD =MA
• Oz The Great And Powerful (googleplay) HD =MA
• Oz The Great And Powerful HD =MA
• Pacific Rim: Uprising HD =MA
• Paddington HD Vudu
• Pain & Gain HD Vudu Only
• Paranormal Activity 2 HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity 3 SD Vudu (try iTunes at your own risk)
• Paranormal Activity 4 HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity Ghost Dimension HD (Vudu or iTunes)
• Parental Guidance HD =MA
• Parental Guidance (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Parker HD =MA
• Parker SD =MA
• Passengers HD =MA
• Patriots Day HD Vudu (or 4K iTunes)
• Paul [unrated] HD =MA (iTunes Redeem)
• Peanuts Movies HD ( 4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Penguins Of Madagascar HD =MA
• Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters HD =MA
• Perks Of Being A Wallflower HD Vudu Or iTunes SD (split)
• Peter Pan 2: Return To Never Land (googleplay) HD =MA
• Peter Pan 2: Return To Never Land HD =MA
• Philomena HD Vudu
• Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (googleplay) HD =MA
• Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales HD =MA (iTunes kills code)
• Pirates! Band Of Misfits SD =MA
• Pitch Black [unrated] (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Pitch Perfect HD =MA
• Pitch Perfect [iTunes redeem 4K] =MA
• Pitch Perfect 2 HD =MA
• Pitch Perfect 2 HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Pitch Perfect 3 HD =MA
• Pixels SD =MA
• Planes (googleplay) HD =MA
• Planes HD =MA
• Planes Fire And Rescue (googleplay) HD =MA
• Planes Fire And Rescue HD =MA
• Planes, Trains & Automobiles HD (Vudu or iTunes)
• Playing For Keeps SD =MA
• Pompeii HD =MA
• Pompeii SD =MA
• Possession HD Vudu (SD iTunes)
• Predators (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Premium Rush SD =MA
• the Prince HD Vudu
• Prometheus HD =MA
• Prometheus (iTunes Redeem) [?] =MA
• Promised Land (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Protector 2 SD Vudu
• Public Enemies (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Public Enemies (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Purge (4K iTunes) =MA
• the Purge HD =MA
• the Purge: Anarchy HD =MA
• the Purge: Election Year HD =MA
• Queen Of Katwe (googleplay) HD =MA
• Queen Of Katwe HD =MA
• R.I.P.D. (redeems In iTunes) 4K =MA
• R.I.P.D. HD =MA
• Ralph Breaks The Internet (googleplay) HD =MA
• Rambo HD (Vudu,iTunes4K Or GP)
• Rambo: Last Blood 4K (Vudu,iTunes Or HD-GP)
• Ramona And Beezus (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Rango HD Vudu Or 4K iTunes (split)
• Real Steel (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Reasonable Doubt HD =MA
• Red 2 HD Vudu
• Red Sparrow HD =MA
• Redemption HD Vudu
• Reprisal HD Vudu
• Resident Evil: Retribution HD =MA
• Resident Evil: Retribution SD =MA
• Resident Evil: Welcome To Raccoon City HD =MA
• the Revenant HD =MA
• Ricki And The Flash SD =MA
• Riddick [unrated] HD =MA
• Riddick [unrated] (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Ride Along (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Ride Along HD =MA
• Ride Along 2 (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Rio HD =MA
• Rio (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Rio 2 HD =MA
• Rise Of The Guardians HD =MA
• Rise Of The Planet Of Apes (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Risen SD =MA
• Robin Hood (1973) [Disney-animation] (googleplay) HD =MA
• Robin Hood (2018) Vudu/GP HD or iTunes 4K
• Robocop 2014 HD Vudu Or GP
• the Rocker (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Rocky Horror Picture Show HD =MA
• Runner Runner HD =MA
• Rush HD =MA
• Safe HD Vudu Only
• Safe House (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Safe House HD =MA
• Same Kind Of Different As Me HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• Samson HD =MA
• Santa's Little Helper HD =MA
• Sausage Party HD =MA
• Savages 4K (iTunes Redeem) =MA (unsure Which Version)
• Saving Mr. Banks HD =MA
• Saving Mr. Banks (googleplay) HD =MA
• Scarface 4K (iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Scarface HD =MA
• Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark 4K Vudu/iTunes or (GP HD)
• Schindler's List =MA HD
• the Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption HD =MA
• the Scorpion King 4: Quest For Power (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Scorpion King 4: Quest For Power HD =MA
• Seal Team 8: Behind Enemy Lines HD (Vudu Or Googleplay)
• Search Party HD =MA
• Search Party (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• the Secret Life Of Pets HD =MA
• the Secret Life Of Pets (4K iTunes) =MA
• the Secret Life Of Pets 2 HD =MA
• the Secret Life Of Walter Mitty HD =MA
• See No Evil 2 HD Vudu
• Seeking A Friend For The End Of The Earth (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Selma HD (redeems In iTunes) HD =MA
• Seventh Son (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Seventh Son HD =MA (iTunes Portion)
• Sex Tape SD =MA
• the Shack HD Vudu Or iTunes (split)
• Shrek: Forever After (the final chapter) HD =MA
• Showdogs HD =MA
• Sicario HD Vudu
• Sicario 4K Vudu (or HD GP Or iTunes)
• Silver Linings Playbook HD (Vudu Or Googleplay)
• Single Mom's Club HD
• Sisters [unrated] (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Sisters [unrated] HD =MA
• Skin Trade HD Vudu Redeem
• Skyfall HD (Vudu Or Googleplay)
• Skyfall SD (iTunes)
• Skyscraper HD =MA
• Sleepless (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Slumdog Millionaire (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Smurfs 2 HD =MA
• the Smurfs 2 SD =MA
• Snitch HD Vudu
• Snow White & The Huntsman (4K iTunes) =MA
• Snow White & The Huntsman HD =MA
• Snowden HD =MA
• Snowden (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Son Of God HD =MA
• Sonic The Hedge hog 2 4K (Vudu or iTunes)
• the Spectacular Now SD Vudu
• Spectre 007 HD Vudu/GP/iTunes
• Spider-man: Far From Home HD =MA
• Spider-man: Far From Home SD =MA
• Spider-man: Homecoming HD =MA
• Spider-man: No-way Home SD =MA
• Split HD =MA
• the Sponge Bob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water HD Vudu / iTunes (split)
• Spy [unrated] HD =MA
• St. Vincent HD Vudu
• Stand Up Guys HD Vudu
• the Star SD =MA
• Star Trek [1] HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Star Trek [2] Into Darkness HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Star Trek [3] Beyond HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• Star Wars: Force Awakens HD =MA (Vudu - No Upgrade)
• Star Wars: Rise Of The Skywalker 4K =MA
• Star Wars: Rise Of Skywalker (googleplay) HD =MA
• Step Up Revolution HD Vudu Or (iTunes Quality Unknown)
• Straight Out Of Compton (iTunes Redeem) 4K =MA
• Straight Out Of Compton [unrated] HD =MA
• Strange World (googleplay) HD =MA
• Street Kings (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Super 8 HD Vudu Portion
• Super Buddies (googleplay) HD =MA
• Super Troopers 2 HD =MA
• the Sword In The Stone (googleplay) HD =MA
• Taken (theatrical slip) SD =MA
• Taken (Extended slip) SD =MA
• Taken 2 HD =MA
• Taken 3 (extended) HD =MA
• Ted (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Ted [unrated] HD =MA
• Ted 2 (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Teen Spirit HD =MA
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles HD Vudu/iTunes split
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows HD Vudu/iTunes split
• Temptation HD Vudu
• Temptation HD Vudu or Google Play (ask for this one for GP)
• Terminator Dark Fate HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• That Awkward Moment SD =MA
• That's My Boy SD =MA
• the Theory Of Everything (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Think Like A Man SD =MA
• Think Like A Man Too SD =MA
• This Is 40 (iTunes Portion) HD =MA
• This Is The End HD =MA
• This Is The End SD =MA
• Thor Love And Thunder 4K =MA
• Thor Love And Thunder HD =MA
• Thor Love And Thunder (googleplay) HD =MA
• Thor Ragnarok (googleplay) HD =MA
• Thor Ragnarok HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• the Three Stooges [the movie] (iTunes redeem) SD =MA
• Tinker Tailor Solder (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Tinkerbell And The Legend Of The NeverBeast HD =MA
• Top Gun HD Vudu & Unknown iTunes (split)
• Total Recall (1990) HD Vudu
• Total Recall (2012) [theater & Extended] HD =MA
• Total Recall (2012) SD =MA
• Tower Heist (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Toy Story 4 (googleplay) HD =MA
• Tracers SD Vudu
• Trainwreck (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Transformers: Age Of Extinction HD (Vudu Only)
• Transformers: Age Of Extinction SD Vudu
• Transformers: Dark Of The Moon HD Vudu
• Transformers: Dark Of The Moon SD Vudu
• Transformers: The Last Knight (digital Cut) HD Vudu Or iTunes 4K Split
• the Transporter (iTunes) SD =MA
• Trauma Center 4K Vudu/iTunes/GP
• Tremors 5: Bloodlines HD =MA
• Tremors 5: Bloodlines (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Tremors 6: A Cold Day In Hell HD =MA
• Trolls HD =MA
• True Grit HD Vudu (iTunes Split)
• Trumbo (iTunes redeem) HD =MA
• the Trust SD Vudu
• Turbo (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Turbo HD =MA
• Twilight: Breaking Dawn Pt 2 HD
• Unbroken (iTunes) HD =MA
• Unbroken HD =MA
• Underworld: Awakening SD =MA
• Underworld: Bloodwars HD =MA
• Unfriended HD (iTunes Portion) =MA
• Unfriended HD =MA
• Unknown (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Unstoppable (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Vampires Suck (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets HD Vudu
• Venom HD =MA
• Venom SD =MA
• the Vow SD =MA
• Walking With Dinosaurs HD =MA
• Wallstreet 2: Never Sleeps (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• Wanderlust (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• War Of The Planet Of The Apes HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• War Room HD =MA
• War Room SD =MA
• Warcraft (4K iTunes) =MA
• Warcraft HD =MA
• Warm Bodies HD Vudu
• Warm Bodies HD Vudu/GP/ iTunes (4K iTunes Split)
• the Watch HD =MA
• Water For Elephants (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• We Bought A Zoo (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Wedding Ringer SD =MA
• Werewolf: the Beast Among Us UR HD =MA
• Wanderlust (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Wanted (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• What Happens In Vegas (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• What To Expect When You're Expecting HD
• Whats Your Number (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• When The Game Stands Tall HD =MA
• When The Game Stands Tall SD =MA
• White House Down SD =MA
• Why Him? HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• Widows HD =MA
• Wild Card HD Vudu
• Winchester HD Vudu/GP/iTunes
• the Witch SD Vudu
• the Wolf Of Wall Street HD Vudu (and 4K iTunes Split)
• the Wolfman (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• the Wolverine (iTunes Redeem) [SD?] =MA
• the Wolverine (unrated) HD =MA (must redeem on MA)
• the Woman In Black SD =MA
• Won't Back Down HD =MA
• Wonder HD (iTunes, Vudu Or GP)
• Woodlawn HD =MA
• Woodlawn (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• World War Z HD (Vudu Or iTunes)
• X Men Apocalypse HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• X Men Days Of Future Past HD (4K If iTunes Redeem) =MA
• X Men Days Of Future Past HD =MA
• X Men First Class (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• X Men Origins Wolverine (iTunes Redeem) SD =MA
• XXX: Return Of Xander Cage HD Vudu (or iTunes Split)
• Yesterday HD =MA
• Young Adult HD Vudu
• the Young Messiah (iTunes Redeem) HD =MA
• Zero Dark Thirty HD =MA
• Zero Dark Thirty SD =MA
• Zootopia (googleplay) HD =MA

TV Series Marked
Vudu Only

• Nurse Jackie Season 6 HD Vudu
• Orange Is The New Black Season 1 SD Vudu
• True Detective Season 3 HD Vudu

ITUNES Only

• Game Of Thrones Season 1 HD iTunes Only
• Game Of Thrones Season 2 HD iTunes Only
• Game Of Thrones Season 3 HD iTunes Only
• Game Of Thrones Season 4 HD iTunes Only
• True Detective Season 3 HD iTunes Only

ITUNES Only MOVIES - No Port - Marked

• Abduction SD (iTunes)
• the Act Of Valor SD (iTunes)
• the Adventures of Tin Tin HD (iTunes)
• Alex Cross SD (iTunes)
• All Eyez On Me HD (iTunes)
• Annihilation HD (iTunes)
• Bankok Dangerous SD (iTunes)
• the Bank Job SD (iTunes)
• the Big Wedding HD (iTunes)
• Book Club 4K (iTunes)
• Brooklyn's Finest SD (iTunes)
• the Corrupted [2020] (iTunes)
• Criminal 4K (iTunes)
• Daybreakers SD (iTunes)
• the Dictator HD (iTunes)
• Divergent 4K (iTunes)
• Divergent Series: Allegiant 4K (iTunes)
• Divergent Series: Insurgent 4K (iTunes)
• Don Jon SD (iTunes)
• the Expendables [first movie] SD (iTunes)
• the Expendables 3 [unrated] HD (iTunes)
• Family Guy Its A Trap (iTunes)
• Forbidden Kingdom (iTunes)
• G.I.Joe The Rise Of The Cobra (iTunes)
• Gamer iTunes SD (iTunes)
• Ghost In The Shell 4K (iTunes)
• Gods Of Egypt 4K (iTunes)
• Hansel & Gretel [unrated] HD (iTunes)
• the Happytime Murders (apple Tv)
• the Haunting In Connecticut (iTunes)
• Hot Tub Time Machine SD (iTunes)
• House At The End Of The Street SD (iTunes)
• Hercules 4K (iTunes)
• Hot Tub Time Machine (iTunes)
• the Hunger Games [4k Itunes] or [GP-HD]
• the Hunger Games: Catching Fire [4k Itunes] or [HD GP]
• the Hunger Games: Mocking Jay Part 1 [4k Itunes] or [HD GP]
• I Feel Pretty (apple Tv)
• Jack Reacher 4K (iTunes)
• Jack Reacher: Never Go Back 4K (iTunes)
• John Wick 4K (iTunes)
• Immortals (iTunes)
• Interstellar 4K (iTunes)
• La La Land 4K (iTunes)
• Labor Day HD (iTunes)
• the Last Witch Hunter 4K (iTunes)
• Limitless (iTunes)
• the Lincoln Lawyer (iTunes)
• Machine Gun Preacher (iTunes)
• Mission Impossible: Fallout HD (iTunes)
• Monster Trucks HD (iTunes)
• Movie 43 (iTunes)
• Noah HD (iTunes)
• Office Christmas Party 4K (iTunes)
• One For The Money [Bluray] (iTunes)
• Pain & Gain HD (iTunes)
• Paranoia (iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity 2 HD (iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity 3 HD (iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity 4 HD (iTunes)
• Paranormal Activity 5: The Marked Ones HD (iTunes)
• Pet Sematary 2019 4K (iTunes)
• Pink Panther 2 (iTunes)
• the Raven SD (iTunes)
• Red Dawn SD (iTunes)
• Rogue Warfare HD (iTunes)
• Safehaven (iTunes)
• Same Kind Of Different As Me HD (iTunes)
• the Shack HD (iTunes)
• the Spirit SD (iTunes)
• Star Trek SD (iTunes)
• Star Wars: The Clone Wars SD (iTunes)
• Step Up Revolution (iTunes)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (tmnt1) 4K (iTunes)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out Of The Shadows 4K (iTunes)
• Terminator: Dark Fate 4K (iTunes)
• Texas Chainsaw [2013] (iTunes)
• Titanic (iTunes)
• Transformers: Age Of Extinction 4K (iTunes)
• Transformers: Dark Of The Moon 4K (iTunes)
• Transformers: the Last Knight 4K (iTunes)
• Transporter 3 SD (iTunes)
• Warm Bodies SD (iTunes)
• What to Expect While Expecting SD (iTunes)
• Wonder 4K (iTunes)
• Xxx Return Of Xander Cage 4K (iTunes)

CANADIAN CODES: GOOGLE PLAY / ITUNES MARKED I do not know any of these port

• Black Water (GP) Can. (NOT MA)
• Hitman Agent 47 (GP/iTunes) Can.
• Kingsman: the Golden Circle (GP/iTunes) Can.
• the Wolverine (GP/iTunes) Can.

WANT LIST
Titles I am looking for

Source
Tenno!
While we’ve briefly paused on Hotfixing until we release Update 33.5 The Seven Crimes of Kullervo, we wanted to note a handful of documented issues that will be fixed when the Update launches. These are in-game fixes that require code, which means it requires a Cert Update to deploy these changes. If you’re not sure what sending to Cert means, we’ve posted a “Warframe Lexicon for Updates” to help explain our processes.
Known issues that are fixed for The Seven Crimes of Kullervo:
(this list is by no means exhaustive)

• Rune Marrow not being affected by Boosters in the Undercroft.
  
• The Killer’s Confidence Decree slows Warframes for the remainder of the mission after using abilities with large areas of effect (Commonly seen in the Undercroft and Orowyrm arena).
  
• Sevagoth’s Shadow does not benefit from Decrees.
  
• Joining missions with a full set of Stalker weapons and the Dread Incarnon evolution “Coup de Grace” crashes the game (workaround in the meantime: use a different weapon or a different evolution).
  
• Tapping Aim while in the middle of a melee swing causes your weapon to get stuck in Aim mode until you tap it again.
  
• “Rolling Reload” Decree breaks Hema functionality.
  
• The Evolution 5 challenge "Complete a mission with an Incarnon weapon in every slot" doesn’t unlock if Incarnon Genesis weapons are used.
  
• Host migration after abandoning a Railjack mission causes Client to be stuck loading.
  
• Copying existing Decorations does not keep scaling or orientation.
  
• Unable to search for weapons with Incarnon Adapters installed in Arsenal.
  

More fixes are actively being investigated - the above is a reflection of issues that been verified in Update 33.5.
Under Review for the Update:

• The Hate’s Incarnon Form causing self-stagger.
  
• The Soma’s Incarnon Form damage output and interaction with the Hata Satya Augment Mod.
  

Upcoming “Quality of Life” (QOL) Changes:
As mentioned in Devstream 171, we have an ongoing list of QOL changes based on Community feedback (this list is by no means exhaustive):

• Ability to preview Teshin’s Cave offerings in the Star Chart before entering Duviri.
  
  • Tied to specific Drifter Intrinsics.

0f00dba9202b28ee4c22db12afaace20.jpg
(In development image for reference)

• Static Undercroft Portals in Duviri as optional side-objectives.
  
  • Steel Path Circuit Arcanes will also be available here.
• Full Key Binding customization for the Drifter in “Control” settings.
  
• Players can now skip the Reward pop-up in the Circuit after unlocking multiple tiers at once.
  
• Reduced Maw Feeding difficulty by increasing the time allotted to feed.
  

Thank you all for your feedback and bug reports! If you have any more bug reports or feedback to share, you can continue to do so in our dedicated Duviri subforum.
There’s lots more to come in Update 33.5: The Seven Crimes of Kullervo, such as Kullervo himself!
^{This action was performed automatically, if you see any mistakes, please tag u/desmaraisp, he'll fix them. Here is my github.
I have found a new home on AWS Lambda, RIP Heroku free tier.}

First off, I am the Michelangelo of Menards, master of megaracks, secret engineer of sky-high sanctuaries. My pièce de résistance? A top-tier, high altitude mancave, secretly nestled behind an imposing barricade of 60+ gallon water heaters in the plumbing aisle. I'm talking three stories up, folks, where even the keenest-eyed GM would struggle to spot anything amiss.
The single camera standing sentinel at the end of the aisle, you ask? Well, let's just say it was gifted a liberal coating of vaseline a while back. The lens hasn't seen clearly in years. In case anybody questions, the tale of an adventurous pigeon that routinely graces our store with its presence is my standing alibi.
My fortress is a hidden treasure, an oasis in a desert of faux discontinued SKUs. It's outfitted with a PRD-sanctioned special-ordered couch and queen bed, perfect for those mid-shift power naps. For sustenance and comfort, I've got a pink stickered microwave, mini fridge, air conditioner, sink, and a toilet – all expertly "borrowed" from a back haul or compactor and restored to full functionality. For those cozy winter nights, there's an electric fireplace, and the floor's adorned with a plush rug snagged from Ray's List. The one concession to opulence? – a flat screen TV I bought at full-price, for all my entertainment needs.
Of course, even the craftiest TM can't just disappear off the face of Menards. I still have my wits about me to maintain an illusion of diligent work. I answer calls on the radio with practiced ease, ensuring my presence is felt, if not seen. Carefully timed descents to the ground level for a quick PRD snack haul, a cardboard run here and there, some small talk with my pals in Building Materials, and a round of checks at my precious GC farm are all part of my routine. My garden's a true gem - fruits, vegetables, and a few 'herbs' that make life just a bit more interesting.
Despite the precariousness of my situation, I've managed to maintain this delicate balance for months. As far as anyone's concerned, I'm the hardest working TM Menards has ever seen. The one hiccup in this perfect setup came in the form of our eagle-eyed plumbing DM. But even he fell to my powers of persuasion and now serves as my unwitting guardian angel. It's no surprise a man who works with pipes appreciates a little green incentive to ensure he keeps things running smooth and leak-free. As I recline in my fortress, planning my next grand project - perhaps a shower - I can't help but marvel at the good life here at Menards. Who says work can't be comfortable?
So, dear GMs, and esteemed members of GO, enjoy this exclusive peek into the extraordinary lives of your TMs – this story is my salute to you. After all, it's not every day you find out your employees have a better living room at work than you do at home. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a fort to attend to and some crops in the GC to water. Happy hunting!

Last Thursday I made a post where I showed the unlabeled timelines of each Documental season, and wrote that I planning to release all my data showing the entire breakdown of every card given in the first 10 seasons (and the shelved S8).
That time has come.
Reddit posts are limited to 40k characters, so I can't fit all the seasons in one post. However, I was planning to cap off the data post with a post reviewing every season, where I'd divide Documental into three eras (1-4, 5-7, shelved 8 - 10) and try to rank them. Instead, I'll combine the timeline, data, and review into three posts, one for each era. The reviews will go in a comment to save space.
Welcome to the Classic Era (alternatively, the Cookie-Fujimoto Era) of Documental. Introduction and methodology in the comments to save space.
ドキュメンタル。。。スタート！

Season 1

U! S! A!
Documental Season 1 Card Timeline
Winner: None (three-way tie, unofficial winner Anthony)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points**	Final Rank
Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	１、２を争うゲラ (Quick To Laugh)	N/A	7th (Tie)

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:20:25	Yellow	(self), Jimmy		Thwaps Jimmy with a rubber band in his bald spot. Twists the rubber band around his mouth immediately after, he claims he was "trying to make a funny face" but Matsumoto says he was using it to hold back a laugh and "that's wrong".	Boke, Self-Destruct
3:31:49	Orange	kukky		kukky comes out with the Tenga Egg on his head that he inflates.	Immediate, Absurd
2:59:31	Red	kukky, Fujimoto	(self)	["Double elimination"]: Fujimoto initiates cleaning Daisuke's ass of the toilet paper, the killing blow comes when kukky comes and sprays something (perfume)? Both Daisuke and Saito get reds.	Coup de grace, Absurd, Lost Endurance

​

Ohchi Yosuke (大地洋輔)	Dienoji (ダイノジ)	エアギター世界王者 (Air Guitar World Champion)	N/A	9th

​

5:47:52	Yellow	Jimmy		"Yoshimoto's Al Capone": Ohchi is laughing pretty much throughout the group's conversation about Hachimitsu's shirt (and Fujimoto's "giant wife", per Kubota) but Jimmy coming out with his "mother and child" lamb gets him to laugh, chided for hiding behind cigarette.	Boke, Absurd, Passive, Warning
5:26:26	Safe!	Anthony		Examined during the Saito orange, Ohchi accused of laughing but holding it in during Anthony's "move" which consists of him squeezing his head through the opponent's arm and saying Hello.	Absurd
4:28:33	Red	kukky		Laughs at kukky's joke about his jacket hood being full of tofu, specifically just the joke and the word "tofu", as he even reinacts it "It's soaked in sweat." "Yeah, it's wet." "That's not sweat. There's tofu in there.". He explains that kukky uses tofu as a joke for everything.	Immediate, Boke, ???, Personal, Unfunny

​

Kubota Kazunobu (久保田和靖)	"Torosa-mon" [sic.] (とろサーモン)	サイコパス的な。。。(Psychopathic...)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 2nd on points)

​

1:06:33	Yellow	Anthony		Loses the rock-paper-scissors against Fujimon and has to look at the photo of Anthony's dad (same photo where he blends into background that Kawahara laughs at) first. His voice trembles with a laugh.	Traditional, Strict

​

Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	"Fujiwara" (FUJIWARA)	嫁への依存心でハングリーになれるか？ (Can He Be Hungry Dependent On His Wife?)	N/A	4th

​

5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		["They calm me"]: Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then Jimmy bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling (albeit Fujimoto smiles in a way that he will always do in the later seasons).	Strict, Warning
2:14:53	Orange	Anthony		A talk starting from Fujimon not needing 10M, name a comedian still popular in their 50s, Ishizuka... Anthony mentions "But I heard that when he does those gourmet reports, he leaves a lot of food." and Fujimoto goes "Hmph!".	Strict, Personal
18:50	Red	Kawahara, (self)		Kawahara goes out with his boxing glove punch strainer dip routine. Fujimoto joins in taking the strainer, and Kawahara hits him in the face with the boxing glove at the end. Fujimoto laughs. "When you get punched that much, you can't help but laugh. I thought, 'What the hell am I doing?'".	Rolling, Absurd, Coup de grace

​

kukky (くっきー)	"Yaseibakuden" (野性爆弾)	ドリ客 (Can-ghter)	N/A	5th

​

4:34:08	Yellow	Hachimitsu		Laughs at Hachimitsu's black-and-yellow lucha libre mask. Contemporary with Ohchi's orange for laughing throughout. No time given, so I'm going off of the 4:33:18 seen when Ohchi's laughs minus 50 seconds of broadcast time to the start.	Traditional
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]: Daisuke demonstrates the game he used to play in dressing rooms: Analympics, strips underwear and shows anus very fast. Kukky laughs because he had toilet paper crumbs left ("looked like termites"), Hachimitsu and Saito also examined, Saito marked safe but other two get orange.	Vulgar, Immediate, Unexpected
2:19:00	Red	Kubota		Kubota performs an unfunny version of Pikotaro. "B... oo... boobs!" It's not even remotely funny, so kukky laughs. Time not shown so going off starting time.	Unfunny

​

Saito Tsukasa (斎藤司)	"Trendy Angel" (トレンディエンジェル)	ハケごときで (His Baldness Is Lame)	N/A	7th (Tie)

​

5:33:48	Yellow	Jimmy, Daisuke		Jimmy and Daisuke line up to play rock-paper-scissors, Daisuke tells Jimmy to put the sheep away and he says they calm them, then he bursts into laughter. Saito and Fujimoto also caught smiling.	Boke
5:26:26	Orange	Jimmy		"First orange": After Jimmy gives him his hair, he goes to wash his head. Jimmy "makes a funny face" and Saito laughs. The group insists Jimmy was laughing and hiding his face in the sink but Matsumoto doesn't check up on it. Ohchi also examined and not carded. Since Saito was attacking he gets an orange, which is explained as the last step before red.	Boke
4:07:16	Safe!	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate

​

Kawahara Katsumi (川原克己	"Tenjikunezumi" (天竺鼠)	板尾創路の系譜 (The "Itsuji Itao Type")	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 3rd on points)

​

2:09:52	Yellow	(self)		"That's quite manly of you...": Nobody's ever seen Kawahara laugh, so he decides to show them. He hides his face and uncovers it to indeed reveal him laughing. "I thought he wouldn't make a face at all. But he gave us a full on laugh. It was so unlike him.". His goal was that everybody would laugh in response. Fujimoto does laugh, but after the siren.	!!!
1:12:11	Orange	Anthony		Laughs at Anthony's second photo of his American dad Viktor (a night photo where his dad is barely visible due to his dark skin color).	Traditional

​

Hachimitsu Jiro (ハチミツ二郎)	"Tokyo Dynamite" (東京ダイナマイト)	地肩が強い (Mr. Highly Proficient)	N/A	6th

​

5:59:17	Safe!	(self)		["First siren on Documental"]: pretty much everyone is laughing, but specifically Jiro's smile as he introduces himself to Jimmy and Jimmy's "stretched mouth" after Kawahara introduces himself as "Kyojin from All Hanshin" get called out.	Lost Concentration, Fun
5:00:25	Yellow	Jimmy		Jimmy eats the bun with the wasabi clearly on it, there's still one more, Hachimitsu laughs as he says "It should be okay...".	Lost Concentration
4:07:16	Orange	Daisuke		["Analympics"]	Vulgar, Immediate
2:50:51	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Earlier on, as Hachimitsu shows off the lucha libre masks, he stands on a chair and breaks it, and Ohchi swings a broken part of the chair around like a tonfa. Later, Kawahara is doing a running joke where he takes credit for other things, and replicated Ohchi's joke. Hachimitsu remarks that he made that and Fujimon says "You didn't make it". They repeat this exchange and Hachimitsu smiles. Fujimoto is stunned as Hachimitsu smiled at the simplest possible tsukkomi response: "What else should I say? You didn't make it." In the interview after, Hachimitsu talks about how he lost his focus, and couldn't understand why Fujimoto was so persistent about something so trivial, as "When you think about it, I made that prop".	Tsukkomi, Lost Concentration

​

Anthony (アントニー	"Matenrou" (マテンロウ)	毛色が違う (A Horse of a Different Color)	N/A	Survived*** (would have placed 1st on points)

​

3:21:16	Yellow	(self)	kukky	Anthony puts on kukky's Tenga Egg and enjoys it, saying "This is fun" but smiling as he does.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:16:37	Orange	(self)		Laughs "like at a normal dinner" while showing Fujimon his kindergarten photo.	Lost Concentration, Fun

​

Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	化物 (Monster)	N/A	10th

​

5:59:17	Safe!	Kawahara		["First siren on documental"]	Traditional
5:33:48	Yellow	(self), Daisuke		["They calm me"]	Boke
5:26:26	Safe!	(self)		["First orange"]	Boke
4:56:08	Red	Fujimon	(self)	Hachimitsu says Fujimon is close to laughing and Fujimon complains about Jimmy: "But he keeps drinking!" (after they agreed using bottles to hide a laugh is a foul). Jimmy laughs and gets mad at Fujimon, saying he was only drinking because the wasabi was still hot and he kept tricking Jimmy into laughing.	???

FINAL WORDS:

Anthony: You act like you're the best, but you're hopeless. ([小僧?]一番出来る感じ出して、なんてないっす。）
Kubota: Hm?
(silence)

Season 2

The legendary 657 seconds. A true fight to the death. This is Documental.
Documental Season 2 Card Timeline
Winner: Kotouge (2 remaining, won 3-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase*	Points	Final Rank	Likelihood To Win**
Yoshimura Takashi (吉村崇)	Heisei Nobushikobushi (平成ノブシコブシ)	破天荒芸人 (The Wild Cannon Comedian)	1	3rd	5th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]: Jimmy gets his balls sucked in the vaccuum and reacts to the pain: "Look at my balls, they've been reshuffled (互い違い)". Matsumoto says everyone could be called out but Yoshimura and Tsuda were clear outs, giving everyone a yellow as a coincidence. The two assert that at first they had no idea what Jimmy meant, but his balls had indeed moved "not just up and down, there was a lateral transfer too".	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
20:25	Orange	Fujimoto		As Fujimoto undresses, Joyman falls out. Turns out Fujimoto had stuck Joyman inside his underwear, and it even stuck to his butt for a moment.	Unexpected, Trap
10:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge spits water onto the photo of Tsuda's mother and yells "old hag!". Almost all of it richochets onto Yoshimura.	Unexpected, Physical

​

Miyagawa Daisuke (宮川大輔)	(solo)	楽屋での密室芸 (The Closed-Door Backstage Artist)	0	10th	2nd

​

5:28:02	Safe!	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]: Jimmy "quits priesthood" and strips, uncovering his smelly yam-jelly dick (konnyaku) covering. Himura laughs, says Daisuke laughed as he looks down but Matsumoto rules it as after the red siren.	Absurd, Boke
5:20:39	Yellow	Jimmy, Himura, (self)		["Atsui/Itai"]: Daisuke shoots a rubber band at Jimmy's ass, Jimmy responds with "Atsui!" (It's hot!). Himura starts to tsukkomi Jimmy saying that's not right, he should say "Itai!" (It hurts!) instead. Miyagawa all along is holding it in, eventually hissing out a laugh (Matsumoto-san! Matsumoto-san!), and says Himura was laughing too but Matsumoto says the cameras didn't catch Himura.	Boke, Lost Endurance
4:17:38	Red	Jimmy, (self)		Jimmy washes his head and is soaking wet, Daisuke offers Jimmy a towel, Jimmy says No thanks, Daisuke chuckles as he responds "Why? It's just..." (... a towel.). Asked why he laughed he repeats this story over and over. He was just talking with Jimmy as he normally would and lost his concentration.	???, Boke, Lost concentration

​

Oshima Miyuki (大島美幸)	Morisantyu (森三中)	女芸人登場 (The First Female Competitor)	1	8th	9th

​

5:42:01	Yellow	(self)		Hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?".	Self-destruct
4:58:21	Orange	Kotouge, Kojima	Fujimon	As the group rags on Kojima being unfunny with his wooden drum, Fujimon points out there's a "wooden drum right next to him" (Kotouge) and Kojima gets spurred to play him. Kojima thwacks Kotouge on the head with his mallet a bit too hard and Kotouge reacts in pain.	Physical
3:29:16	Red	(self), Jimmy		"A poorly written mystery:" Oshima makes Jimmy ramen. He eats it and complains it's sweet. "You put sugar in it, didn't you? Oshimaaa!" She can't hold it in. After the red card she reveals she made Jimmy's ramen half-filled with orange juice - Jimmy's still angry as she leaves.	Self-destruct, Boke, Trap

​

Himura Yuki (日村勇紀)	Bananaman (バナナマン)	笑いの有段者 (The Black Belt Comedian)	0	5th

​

5:28:02	Yellow	Jimmy		["Yam-jelly"]	Absurd, Boke, Passive
5:20:39	Safe	Jimmy, (self), Daisuke		["Atsui/Itai"]	Boke, Passive
2:01:01	Orange	Kotouge	(self), Fujimoto, Yoshimura, Saito	Fujimoto starts a sketch with his screaming mouth mask. Yoshimura joins in with his beer liker cap mask. Saito comes in with the titty cap as if it was really funny, and that turns off the pressure. Then Kotouge comes out with absolutely nothing (he wanted to join, but they already ended), and Himura laughs as he realizes Kotouge doesn't have anything.	Passive, Unexpected
1:27:56	Red	Kotouge		Kotouge does Akira 100% while getting his balls slurped by the vaccuum. On the suggestion that he do it standing on the tray, he slips and impales himself on the trunk behind him. Himura laughs when he sees the bruise that Kotouge has from it.	Physical, Passive

​

Kojima Kazuya (児嶋一哉)	Unjash (アンジャッシュ）	木偶の坊 (The Dunce)	0	9th	7th

​

4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]: Jimmy brings in the vaccuum cleaner, Yoshimura says "What if we try under the konnyaku?" and sucks up his genitals, Jimmy reacts in pain as expected. Matsumoto comes for Kojima but group says Kotouge was who they all saw, both get yellows.	Physical
4:08:07	Orange	Kotouge		Kotouge comes out wearing a chainmail helmet and proclaims "If you hit me (again), it wouldn't hurt at all". Kojima hits him again and it hurts - it didn't work at all. Matsumoto checks to see whether to give an orange (warning) or another yellow (which would mean a red), but gives him orange because he was attacking.	Physical, Rolling
3:46:45	Red	Fujimon, Kotouge	Saito	"An incredible stutter": Saito attempts a titty gag but nobody laughs and the group around the porthole point out that's all he's been trying. Kotouge gives an "unclear stutter" as he says "You only brought titties to thish sh-show..." ("お前今日、おっぱいしか（？？？）じゃない、この番組。。。” and Fujimon reacts with a "Hm?". Discussion as to whether it counts as Kotouge's point, Kojima says he laughed at Fujimon's "Hm?" reaction. Saito says he set it up but Matsumoto says it wasn't even remotely funny.	Tsukkomi, Unexpected

​

Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA）	ムードメーカー (The Moodmaker)	4	4th	6th

​

4:42:40	Yellow	Tsuda		Tsuda brings in the photo of his mom at 14 hula hooping, tells the story of her bad-smelling farts, and reveals that she was a javelin thrower. The group locks on to Fujimon and makes him look at the photo. "Textbook comedy".	Traditional
59:52	Orange	(self)	Saito	"Are 200 watts funny?": trying to do his nose hair remover and heating it up in the microwave, it isn't working. Fujimon insists it will work. Saito: Doesn't that say 200 watts? Fujimon: It only has 200 watts. Saito: 500 watts before. Fujimon: Well, this won't work... it's broken. He chuckles casually while saying that last phrase for some reason. After the card, the group repeats 200 watts to try to make Fujimoto laugh.	???, Lost Concentration
16:16	Red	Yoshimura		"Revenge of the Joyman": During the seltzer-chug challenge, Yoshimura puts Joyman on the bottom of the water bottle, getting revenge for his own orange from Fujimon.	Traditional

​

Saito Shinji (斉藤慎二)	Jungle Pocket (ジャングルポケット）	唯一無二の個性 (A Unique Character)	0	2nd (Survived, lost on points)	10th

​

4:49:37	Yellow	Jimmy		During Kojima's skit, the microwave beeps. What did you heat? Jimmy answers Strawberry candy (earlier, during Fujimon's "Cat's Eye, Dog Nose... add one more" associated word exchange with Kotouge, Jimmy answered with the complete non-sequitur Strawberry Candy). The group thought Jimmy laughed but Saito is called out for suspiciously eating bread right after that statement.	Absurd, Boke

​

Tsuda Atsuhiro (津田篤宏	Daian (ダイアン)	ナニワが抜けてない (He Still Reeks Of Old-Style Osaka)	1	6th	8th

​

4:28:29	Yellow	Jimmy		["Reshuffled"]	Boke, Verbal, Vulgar, Physical
4:00:37	Orange	(Yoshimura or Fujimon, whoever brought Joyman and laid the trap)		As Tsuda shows the picture of his silver-capped-tooth mother, he turns around and sees a trap: somebody placed Joyman's Takagi on the hula hoop. He goes "Heh!" and Matsumoto lets him off with a "any mistake and you're done, this orange card is virtually a yellow"***.	Trap, Strict
3:01:00	Red	(self), Fujimon		Laughs throughout his Masayuki Suzuki impression (Chigau, chiiii-gau, sou jya na-iii...), final laugh after Fujimon's "See you in Yoyogi" (5 o' clo...).	Self-destruct, Tsukkomi

​

Kotouge Eiji (小峠英二)	Viking (バイきんぐ)	怒り芸 (The Anger Artist)	3	1st (Survived, won on points)	4th

​

4:37:54	Yellow	Jimmy, Yoshimura		["Under the konnyaku"]	Physical, Boke
1:13:24	Orange	Fujimon	Saito	Saito tries inhaling the helium that he brought but it doesn't work for him. Fujimon shows him how it's done and says "Hello". Kotouge has a slight smirk, the group defends him (We don't want to see him expelled just for that...) and he gets an orange.	Strict, Traditional

​

Jimmy Onishi (ジミー大西)	(solo)	異星からの贈り物 (A Gift From Outer Space)	9	7th	3rd

​

5:56:42	Orange***	(self)		Laughs casually as he's distributing his "crackers for friendship".	Lost Concentration
5:42:01	Yellow***	Oshima		Oshima hands her panties to Jimmy, then they get examined by the group: "Do you play baseball in them or something?". Oshima laughs but Jimmy gets caught too.	Traditional
3:21:27	Red	Fujimon		Fujimoto randomly does the Ice Bucket Challenge (after Saito spits on Kotouge's head to wash off his "hair").	Unexpected, Absurd, Immediate

FINAL WORDS:
What will we do? Thirty seconds... time for one more. It has to be... (rubber chicken sque-eak).
(Followed after final bell by 'Wait wait wait, please..." "It's over").

Season 3

Squeee... squeee squeee squeee... (Toos! Haah!)
Documental Season 3 Card Timeline
Winner: Yamamoto (2 remaining, won 1-0 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Kendo Kobayashi (ケンドーコバヤシ)	(solo)	無冠の嘘帝王 (An Emperor Without A Crown) / 不惑のTHEエロス (A Merciless Pervert)	2	4th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
3:40:40	Yellow	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]: They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Joins in
3:31:36	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]: Immediately after Kendo's previous card, Goto asks to try putting the curry rice in there. Kasuga does and it comes at slowly - the speed at which it's served makes him laugh, but Kasuga is said to be smiling during it as well, though I don't see it.	Physical, Vulgar
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]: Date as the daddy brings out kukky's Teddy Bear-chan for the first time. Kasuga and Kendo get reds.	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

​

Goto Terumoto (後藤輝基)	Footballhour (フットボールアワー)	ツッコミスナイパー: "Comedy Sniper"	2	7th

​

5:01:01	Yellow	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the green head one - "you have no respect for these veterans, it's downright rude".	Traditional, Absurd, Coup de grace, Prepared, Prop
3:47:48	Orange	(self), Iwahashi, Kasuga		"A remarkable coincidence": Kasuga shows off his pubic area and Goto calls his skin smooth (tsuru-tsuru: つるつる), and Iwahashi says "Brings back memories, right?" as he at the same time was making a paper crane (tsuru: 鶴). Goto laughs all-out but he's spared, as "I have never seen such a coincidence in my life.".	???, !!!, Unexpected
2:46:35	Red	Kendo, (self)		Kendo comes out as Yuriko Koike. Goto asks him: "Are you moving the markets to Toyosu?" the response: "Not anymore. Changed it again. Jakuzure." Goto laughs at the response: "Why would you build a fish market there?".	Impersonation, Quip

​

Akiyama Ryuji (秋山竜次)	Robert (ロバート)	千のキャラを持つ男: "The Man of a Thousand Characters"	1	5th

​

3:41:23	Yellow	Kasuga, (self)	Goto, Kendo	Kasuga shows off his privates and his impressive foreskin as Goto eats a sausage. "How can you eat while seeing that?" Goto is tasked to eat while face-to-face with Kasuga's foreskin. Kendo sits down next to him. Akiyama jumps in too but laughs - "I don't usually laugh at things like that. But his foreskin was even more impressive than I imagined". Matsmoto only gives him a yellow as "He jumped into that by himself. I take such efforts into consideration.".	Jumps In, Vulgar, Physical
3:22:47	Orange	Kasuga, Goto		Kasuga puts the mini eel bento eraser out of his foreskin. "Almost all of you were laughing. But if we go down there, there will be no end. So the guy who stood out the most is out. Akiyama." Akiyama: "I held on the whole time, but then he started clenching his body. Nobody guessed it wouldn't come out. Then he tried to push it out with while whole body, and an eel bento popped out.".	Vulgar, Physical
1:39:46	Red	Yamamoto	Kendo	During Kendo's conversation with Yamamoto about why the latter "went away", Yamamoto reveals he's been sucking on Iwahashi's pills from before, still, without chewing. 1h41m09s shown earlier. Final time.	Traditional, Unexpected

​

Kinoshita Takayuki (木下隆行)	TKO (TKO)	本気芝居入道 (True Bald Actor)	0	[2nd (Survived, lost on points)

​

2:15:21	Yellow	Iwahashi, (self)		Makes Iwahashi play his "Can do it or Can't do it?" game. The first card is Chomi from Chomi-Choko and Iwahashi insists he could "do her".	Counter, Boke
44:37	Orange	Akiyama (zombie), Kendo (zombie)		"The sweat laugh": One of the most memorable endurance trials in Documental history, the sweat laugh. Akiyama and Kendo's VIP service routine, where Akiyama is a Chinese masseuse who massages Kendo with oil and continuously offers 30-minute extensions, lymph node massages, and the "Double Dip Course", involving massaging his groin. Kendo says he's "about to blow", and Akiyama says he has to finish himself in the shower. You can hear Kendo shower in the changing room as Akiyama sings something in Chinese. All along, Kinoshita is sitting there trying to endure without laughing, to the point where he has a physical reaction and sweat pours down his face. After Akiyama starts singing, he breaks and laughs out loud.	Passive, Explosive, Lost Endurance, Vulgar, Routine

​

Kasuga Toshiaki (春日俊彰)	Audrey (オードリー)	奇怪なる節約魔獣 (A Bizarre Thrifty Monster)	6	3rd

​

3:31:36	Yellow	Kasuga, Goto		["Curry rice"]	Self-destruct, Strict
2:39:28	Orange	Akiyama		Akiyama comes out with the panty mask and the penis enlarger stretching device he got from a magazine he writes for.	Vulgar, Prepared, Prop, Absurd, Immediate
1:25:45	Red	kukky (zombie)	Date (zombie)	["Teddy Bear-chan enters"]	Absurd, Immediate, Routine

​

kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	綱渡り放送コード (Walking The Tightrope Of The Broadcast Laws) / 正真正銘最終兵器 (The Ultimate Weapon)	4	10th

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5:15:39	Yellow	Goto	Yamamoto, Kasuga, Kinoshita	The massage tappers brought by Kinoshita keep getting held by Yamamoto after Kasuga's sixpad performance. Eventually they try it on a shirtless Goto holding the "guitar" (violin), and Cookie laughs after he joins in a bit saying "bi-bi-bi".	Join in, Absurd
4:05:07	Red	Goto	(self)	Earlier Cookie gave Goto the pull tab with the mini sushi eraser (that Goto brought). Goto returned the favor by giving a pull tab with a mini curry inside. Cookie laughs full-on and gets a red.	Trap

​

RG	Razor Ramon (レイザーラモン)	進撃のあるあるシンガー (The Attack of the Observational Humor Singer) / 日本のアイアンハート (The Iron Heart of Japan)	0	8th

​

4:36:45	Yellow	(self), Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead" (note that UFO backwards (O=	U) sort of looks like ON).
4:34:34	Orange	Kendo?, (self)	Yamamoto	Immediately after RG's previous card, they get watermelon rinds to eat, and somebody (sounds like Kendo?) asks "Can you eat like Shimura?". RG smiles	Lost Concentration
3:40:40	Red	Kasuga		["Kasuga after the bell"]:They look at Kasuga's dick during the bell, but immediately after: "Can you show us again?". Kendo looks down but RG goes "bu-bu". Matsumoto comes for Kendo first "but what's the story with RG?". No time given but after the bell is 3h4040s, so I'll go with that.	Physical, Vulgar, Passive

​

Date Mikio (伊達みきお)	Sandwichman (サンドウィッチマン)	金髪ブタおしゃべり野郎 (Blond Chatty Pig)	0	9th

​

4:57:27	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly a shrunken head one. Given an orange because he laughs out loud (after saying "I can't take this" - Master Daisuke's head gets smaller and smaller).	Prop, Lost Endurance, Explosive
3:54:33	Red	(self), Kinoshita		Who broke Kinoshita's mirror. Date - you are a girl. Proof - show us your breasts. He shows his stomach - one level higher. Date smiles twice - once while showing one breast, the second time for the other. All I did was show a nipple and go "hmmph".	Self-destruct, ???, Strict

​

Iwahashi Yoshimasa (岩橋良昌)	Plus Minus (プラス・マイナス)	やってはいけない症候群 (Compulsive Behavior)	1	6th

​

4:36:45	Safe	RG, Cookie		RG writes UFO backwards on his forehead accidentally (because he did it in a mirror), Cookie asks "Why is ON written on your forehead"?. Iwahashi not carded but Matsumoto accuses him of using his condition as an excuse.	Warning
2:35:07	Orange	Kendo	(self), Yamamoto	Laughed in the middle of a normal conversation: Iwahashi says he needs to shave the side of his head but his wife can't do it. Kendo: "You have a wife?" Iwahashi: "I have a wife. And two kids." Kendo: "She must be crazy.". Iwahashi laughs because he was so relieved Yamamoto took the razor that he relaxed like in a salon.	Lost Concentration, Fun
1:50:50	Red	Kasuga	(self)	Iwahashi bring the "Strange Supplement" supposed to make you lose taste, and demonstrates it. Kasuga tries it with condensed milk, tabasco that makes him cough (though he insists it's not spicy), and mustard. The mustard also makes him cough, and Iwahashi cracks up (putting on the glasses and buck teeth), because "It was funny watching him pretend he's okay. He kept pretending. In the end he couldn't pretend". Kasuga was pretending all along.	Lost Endurance, Boke, Explosive

​

Yamamoto Keiichi (山本圭壱)	Gokuraku Tombo (極楽とんぼ)	蘇る金豚 (Resurrection of the Golden Pig)	1	1st (survived, won on points)

​

5:49:25	Yellow	(self)	(room), Iwahashi, Kinoshita	According to Matsumoto, Yamamoto was just constantly smiling for the first ten minutes due to the mood in the room: happy to be there.	Fun, Lost Concentration, Warning
5:04:03	Orange	kukky		Laughs at kukky's "ghost photo" of Master Daisuke, particularly the shrunken head one. Unusually, no time shown after so time is based on shot during Yamamoto's rampage after.	Prop

FINAL WORDS:
A series of squeaks and sighs.

Season 4

In the space between you and the sky / Today, too, a golden rain falls...
Documental Season 4 Card Timeline
Winner: kukky (4 remaining, won 4-2-1-1 on points)

Contestant	Duo Name	Catchphrase	Points	Final Rank
Nobu (ノブ)	Chidori (千鳥)	ツッコミ界のクセ強者 (The Tricky Straight Man)	0	10th

​

Time	Card	Primary Culprit(s)	Secondary Culprit(s)	Description	Category
5:40:25	Safe	Daigo, Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]: Kurochan drinks milk, when told by Daigo "It'll stick to your mustache" he drinks it in one gulp and it doesn't stick to his mustache. Daigo laughs first, Nobu judged safe.	Boke
5:02:50	Yellow	(self)	Fujimoto	Daigo and Nobu accidentally get into a pose that Nobu explains looks like they're "young actors doing a photoshoot". He poses with Fujimon, who shrugs him off. Nobu laughs as everyone looks at him, just from setting up the joke.	Self-destruct
3:51:53	Orange	kukky		The famous "Kaan!" laugh. kukky hands out collectible photos of Master Daisuke with obscene phrases. Nobu tries to hold it in, making goofy faces as he does, but the normal phrase "I'm gonna buy some Yomeishu" hits him "like a body blow", and he lets out a laugh with a "Kaan!" sound.	Explosive, Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Prop
2:59:42	Red	Iio, Fujimoto		Iio pulls out his oogiri responses, and it turns into an oogiri game with Fujimoto playing support, revealing the Nishizawa's phone case of Master Sakata, "say a word for this photo" (写真で一言). After a series of attacks where Nobu gets weaker, Iio comes up with new responses (normal oogiri), the one that gets Nobu to crack is "I love you." (好きだ！).	Personal, Prop, Lost Endurance

​

Itoda Jun (井戸田潤)	Speed Wagon (スピードワゴン)	同情するなら笑いくれ (If You Feel Sorry For Me, Laugh)	0	7th

​

1:54:03	Yellow	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]: Miyasako makes everyone perform a gag to eat his steak. Daigo puts netting around his face with a hole cutout for the nose. "I'm here to play The Nose". Itoda and kukky checked, kukky is safe and Itoda gets a yellow for "defending himself too much like that".	Traditional, Absurd
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]: Chidori performs their "ika nikan!?" standup (as Matsumoto points out, the exact same skit they performed the day before, at Lumine, at which Matsumoto's daughter laughed) naked, after which they talk about how Daigo was unable to get hard and in the end he wore a condom. Miyasako says he was afraid Daigo would end up pissing with the condom on, and Daigo says he can't piss either. As Miyasako turns away and holds in his laugher, Nobu begins pissing. Miyasako turns back around to see it and laughs hard - Itoda get caught up laughing too.	Vulgar, Unexpected

​

Fujimoto Toshifumi (藤本敏史)	Fujiwara (FUJIWARA)	ガヤ永久機関 (The Perennial Supporting Commedian)	2	5th

​

4:41:44	Yellow	Kurochan	(self)	Iio starts measuring in bananas, Kurochan starts performing various gags with bananas. Fujimoto eggs him on. Kurochan does a "Nipple beams, they point outwards, heart!" gag, and Fujimoto laughs because "he said outwards, but they're pointing sideways!".	Boke, Verbal
3:49	Red	Iio (zombie), Nobu (zombie)	Itoda (zombie), Miyasako (zombie)	The four zombies come in and do the fighting geezer factions skit (from 24-Hour No Laughing?), involving blowing air into Iio and Nobu's anuses. Fujimon laughs because of a combination of Iio farting (how could he do soemthing like that? after all these years (he's 48) as a pro?) and Nobu being unable to fart (if he can piss, why can't he fart?).	Vulgar, Unexpected, Absurd

​

kukky (くっきー)	Yaseibakudan (野性爆弾)	芸人殺し芸人 (The Comedian Killer)	[4	1st (survived, won on points)

​

5:23:42	Yellow	Fujimoto	(self)	During the group conversation on souvenirs, talking about edible chili oil. "Pengin Shokudo started it off." Cookie tries to go on the offensive by responding "Who "ur" that?" (ペンギン食堂？なんなら？). Fujimoto goes up to him and asks remember "throwable dumplings"? ("投げるシューマイって覚えてる？”), a completely made-up thing in response to the edible chili oil. Cookie laughs at the imagery.	Verbal, Unexpected, Absurd
1:54:03	Safe	Daigo	Miyasako	["The Nose"]	Traditional, Absurd

​

Kurosawa Kazuko (黒沢かずこ)	Morisantyu (森三中)	歌って踊れる肉塊 (She Sings, She Dances, And She's Chubby)	1	4th (survived, lost on points)

​

4:57:36	Yellow	(self), Nishizawa		Kurosawa goes around and feeds people pickled cucumbers, giving Nishizawa a "big load". He spits it out and Kurosawa laughs because it came out bigger then she expected, as he chewed it and it comes out mashed.	Self-destruct, Physical
4:51:19	Orange	(self)		"I want to pick up a man"... picks Itoda for her skit where comes home drunk and she plays the wife, but she smiles during the beginning of the skit (maybe too in character).	Self-destruct

​

Daigo (大悟)	Chidori (千鳥)	荒くれハニカミ坊主 (The Bashful Ruffian)	2	9th

​

5:40:25	Yellow	(self), Kurochan		["Stick to your mustache"]	Counter, Unexpected, ???
5:14:33	Orange	Miyasako		Miyasako brings out one squeaking rubber chicken, then brings out many and squeezes them all at the same time.	Prop, Absurd, Traditional
1:19:52	Red	kukky!, Kurosawa, Fujimoto, Mishizawa		The legendary foursome: Kurosawa sings, Fujimoto dances unwillingly with the gold leotard and the tattoo of his partner, Mishizawa joins in with his student looking for Puma wallet character, and finally kukky comes out as the Teddy Bear-chan, in his I <3 2 PARTY leotard. Matsumoto: "To be honest, he was laughing for a while." Daigo: "I made that face that said "What's so funny aobut this?" and kept that character.	Lost Endurance, Absurd, Passive, Warning

​

Iio Kazuki (飯尾和樹)	Zun (ずん)	関根流 正統系統者 (The Legitimate Successor of the Sekine Style)	1	8th

​

4:18:21	Yellow	Kurosawa		Kurosawa's Mao Daichi "Straddle Time!" ("あ！あ！お跨ぎさ！") skit, riding the rope. She continues singing it into the locker room, and the siren goes off. The contestants conclude Kurosawa laughed, but Matsumoto says it was Iio who was holding it in and could no longer. Iio says "it was the vibration on the rope when she rubbed it that got me".	Routine, Lost Endurance
2:23:22	Orange	(self)	Fujimoto, Kurosawa	Fujimoto places an (apricot pit?), Iio adds tabasco, Kurosawa picks it up with her mouth. What follows is a cycle of many members sucking it up and spitting it down. Iio sucks it up and is caught laughing, explaining "It was so slimy, I nearly vomited.".	Physical, Join in
1:04:54	Red	Miyasako		Miyasako comes out with a hard-on: "Who left this porn magazine here? In the middle of a serious battle?" The ability to get a hard-on in this situation impresses everyone, but Iio is the one whose face laughs.	Vulgar, Physical, Routine

​

Nishizawa Yusuke (西澤裕介)	Daian	不可思議ポーカーフェイス (The Mysterious Poker Face)	1	3rd (survived, lost on points)

​

3:42:57	Yellow	Miyasako	(self)	Nishizawa gives out phone cases with Yoshimoto masters, one of which is Master Osamu. Miyasako tells the story of how Master Osamu has an elevator in his house that's super slow. Have you ever been there? Goes like this... and imitates it. "Most natural laugh yet".	Personal

​

Kurochan (クロちゃん)	Yausda Dai Circus (安田大サーカス)	ドッキリ日本記録保持者 (The Most-Pranked Comedian in Japan)	2	2nd (survived, lost on points)

​

56:44	Yellow	kukky	Itoda, (self)	kukky is cleaning up Itoda's piss (after the members try to figure out what Kurochan's weak at and he replies with dirty jokes, like touching somebody's balls, and Itoda pisses after the stimulation of Miyasako touching his balls (and Fujimon beginning a chorus of Sora to kimi to no aida). Cookie cleans it up and Kurochan hands him one sheet of a paper towel. Cookie complains "Don't just hand me one sheet! If you hand me just one sheet I'll get piss on my hand" and Kurochan smiles as he thinks "Yeah, he'll get piss on him".	Lost Concentration, Tsukkomi, Verbal, ???

​

Miyasako Hiroyuki (宮迫博之)	Ameagari (ダイアン)	決死のオフホワイト芸人 (The Not-So-Faithful Do-Or-Die Comedian)	3	6

​

2:12:20	Yellow	kukky	Daigo	kukky puts on his Shinya Yamamoto makeup. Starts playing with Daigo, "the distance between Sigourney Weaver and the alien". kukky's skit involves acting slowly, playing with his dentures, putting them in Daigo's mouth, putting on sunglasses, pulling out a banana, putting the dentures in Daigo's mouth... the room is tense, but Miyasako is the first to break when kukky nibbles the tip of the banana but it comes out intact: "He didn't even get one bite!".	Lost Endurance, Coup de grace, Absurd, Passive
29:56	Red	Nobu (zombie), Daigo (zombie), Miyasako		["Oh, I ended up pissing"]	Vulgar, Unexpected, Explosive

​
FINAL WORDS:
COOKIE: "Is it really your anus?" （本当肛門に入れてる？） KUROCHAN: He mimicked me. (何か真似した。。。)

I know this is hard to believe for skeptics especially on reddit, but if you're spiritual like most Aaliyah fans who are keeping her legacy alive, these 2 are the ones that I believe:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zoZtPX1cbBQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SpajvbObrQ
For superfans channeling Aaliyah with Tarot cards and the sorts, they tend contaminate what they heard on the news, rumors, and documentaries to cast judgement on the cards drawn instead of having actual channeled Aaliyah tell her story because similar to her music, the message she is trying to convey is sweet yet subtle while hiding the complicated truths to unveil on their own to those who are more in tune with the details. People using cards tend to cast judgement too harshly on what ambiguities they mean and try to shovel this narrative that conspiracy theory videos already exploited with clickbait.
I feel like the tarot card readings are a sham because if you are a good storyteller already familiar with her story trying to convey an agenda with a few slight-of-hand parlour tricks, you can just tell a story and hide all the cards that don't go with the narrative...there are videos where people literally drew a boar but because a boar didn't have anything to do with Aaliyah, she put it back in the deck and reshuffled...she also drew 3 cards in advance for a clickbait narrative without actually getting them by random or the cards were color coded to begin with so she knew what to pick even upon shuffling.
Similar to those psychics who are held captive by the powers that be, they tend to have platinum hair and the first thing they do after being freed is to cut their hair and dye it brown to diminish their psychic/ESP abilities so to be less useful for their handlers. For that one guy who has this device that plays the voice of dead people, that guy just chops up random vocals from old clips and make it talk like that, prior to AI covers, as some type of necro performance arts to desperate and gullible people for views. For his Kobe video, it's not even Kobe's voice, because fans have watched enough of Kobe interviews to know which interview those chopped clips came from, so that's why it's in another voice -- debunked
Watch her other videos channeling other souls of Left Eye, Diana, and 2Pac -- it's easier to actually conduct an interview and upload back to back with new subtle details, do an impression of their active voice of how they feel present day, and what direction of conversation they want to lead than to do all the background research like for a documentary piece just to fake their personality, because people change over time, especially after death, with time to reflect on it all from the vantage point to review what really happened that led them down their path.

Notes from the 2 videos: watch them for yourself to draw your own conclusions and turn on captions to note the subtleties, but like for any veteran Aaliyah fan, links go down or missing all the time so take heed to save. I actually had something tugging at my heart almost like a backseat editor to present the notes as accurately as possible from what was reported in the videos. For these notes, I don't have this distinction between her energy/soul/spirit and I use them interchangeably in case there is a distinction. The eternal present is not aligned with the human perception of time so her soul can traverse her life from the vantage point of how old she was then and visit other memories of past lives. Her current soul identifies as Aaliyah in her past life but she has moved beyond that spiritually to be identified as who she truly is.
Both channelers got signs that her soul wanted to speak either in signals from their dreams or being awakened with signs of her presence. Her soul got the attention of one channeler by portraying herself as Akasha from Queen on the Damned, because her initial sign was somewhat naively ignored. The other more veteran channeler basically read her star chart and found her soul by meditating to find the distinct outline of her spirit and personality. They literally have the outline spirit of Aaliyah here in front of them while they were doing the video where her spirit could correct them in the middle of talking if they got something wrong. I like how in the middle of these soul channeling conversations, her soul is actively telling the channeler to look and interview other souls like Whitney and Left Eye as more evidence that the industry is vile and deceptive like that.
Aaliyah's mom was supposed to be the superstar singer that Aaliyah came to be back in the 80s, but Aaliyah's mom had a pregnancy and stalled her career to raise a child with Aaliyah's dad, who was a bit passive in the relationship. Aaliyah's soul upon reflection realized that at a young age that Aaliyah was given positive conditioning to sing, dance, and perform not realizing what she really wanted in life but she grew to appreciate it and be good at it by living her mother's dreams vicariously through her to be in childhood servitude for entertainment value. Because she was positioned in an entertainment family, it was said that her soul constantly chose these type of families to be born in -- lifetime after lifetime of entertainment servitude for being dependent upon for raising overall family wealth and status -- and that her soul in the afterlife said that she is thriving alongside older women idols (including Whitney Houston and her Grandmother) to figure out who she really is, by identifying and correcting who she really wanted to be to not fall into another life like that. The soul is said to be a thousand to a million years old and they spend time living life (sometimes being indoctrinated or groomed to become a certain individual by families who predetermine your life when you are born), taking time in between lives, and going back and forth in between realms of existence almost like a conditioning for the soul to learn from its own strengths and mistakes when pit against the realities that be. Her soul at the present is thriving and fully disassociated herself from the entertainment industry and when the Channeler praised that "Aaliyah was a good dancer, singer, and performer" at 13:18 in the second video, her soul was actually saying "what?" and disagreeing because her soul moved beyond that identity in the afterlife.
In terms of the R Kelly relationship, both videos said that there was a pregnancy and a pregnancy scare associated with an unnamed family member and R Kelly, respectively. The faces of the channeler reflected how hard of a topic it was for her with regrets and sadness. There was sexual abuse at a young age and because Aaliyah was inside a family record label business which was more ran like a gang-organized crime ring, it was like a pyramid scheme inside a pyramid scheme structure because her family signed off on and was aware of a lot of things she had to do in the industry for her to advance her career when she was just a minor. Her soul also admitted when asked that more than one person in the family including her uncle had sexual advances towards her when she was 12-13 and she was later married to "protect the family asset." In the Chris Brown video remixing "Don't Think They Know" with Aaliyah, there was a lot of imagery where the Bloods that Chris Brown initially was a part of represented "The Family music business" with children and adults -- it was a homely vibe but your royalties are diminished by two layers of pyramid schemes. Then Chris Brown moved and joined the Crips, which were more males, which represented "rappers and industry sharks like Dame Dash" that Aaliyah associated herself with to remove herself from the family business and deal directly with labels. Near the end of the music video, the whites of Chris Brown eyes were shown representing her death and the last scene had him be with all different colors and children as a depiction of heaven, representing unity and no longer associating gang-organized crime by colors. Aaliyah was very intuitive and realized that her talent is multiplied by image for her branding of music to sell -- There are plenty of talented individuals that became ghostwriters because the general public requires image, which creates the branding package to drive sales and relevancy. Therefore, half the interview in one of the channeling sessions had her soul emphasize how protective she was of her image and how her image was affected in a series of events in her life. In terms of Kelly's current image, her soul says that his reactions to the accusations have gotten him to look more guilty than who he actually is and that he himself was in servitude of his environment being born into these type of families with entertainment expectations.
Both Channelers made it their point to revile R Kelly as their separate opinion, but when they asked her soul about it, she explained that R Kelly is a sweet person ("sweet" being a word she commonly said in a particular intonation -- remember this is her soul speaking in the present and not from past conversations with Dame) who wants to do good but has different compartments in his head, where he forgets all the misdeeds that he did or was a part of, from issues stemming from his own upbringing of musical servitude and sexual abuse, which alter his perception towards females. Kelly and Aaliyah have similar backgrounds in victimhood from similar family pressures to succeed and be harvested for wealth and status to benefit the gang-organized crime ring AKA the family-run music business, so a lot of things her soul said was deemed "normal" sounds outrageous for the general public to hear and were brushed under the rug to keep moving forward. Her soul said things were done behind the scenes to protect the image of both and cannot be directly explained because the general public wouldn't understand it. Her parents were well aware she was pregnant and got the paperwork to get a marriage certificate to get an abortion, where the hormone imbalance stunted some of her growth as a woman. The channeler saw some type of pill being exchanged through a mouth to mouth kiss between Kelly and Aaliyah. The marriage was not out of love but was a ritual exchange of goods and services to protect both families' musical assets, like back when royal families strategically married to form alliances and to exchange their resources more evenly. The marriage was initially set up to protect Aaliyah from being preyed by the sexual predators of the industry when in studio collaborations, but that ended up being R Kelly and blackballed her career by her second album to work with new producers after the marriage certificate leaked by a rival record company. Since Aaliyah's first album was mostly produced and written by R Kelly, it may have also been used for accounting purposes to split the profits more evenly or claim tax benefits once they were married to satisfy both family-ran music businesses (which is similar to Jay-Z's and Beyonce's marriage seen more as a business merger). It was later annulled because the public found out, which leveraged the outrage towards Kelly to give up the proceeds of his first 3 albums to Aaliyah's family, except that Barry managed both artists, so the majority of the money literally moved from his left pocket to his right pocket.
Her soul said Aaliyah realized that she could wield her sexuality, body, and confidence as a flirtatious tool in exchange for goods and services without having to participate in sexual acts to be worth value and move into that power. For the sake of her image gaining relevancy to rise up the pyramid scheme to have more control and autonomy over her career, she was proud and not ashamed to use it because of how sexualized the industry is. She used her sexuality as her empowerment to woo strong male figures into her life that she could trust (DMX, Dame) to protect her more from her family and shady industry individuals who 'expected' her to perform for granted and on harsh schedules/deadlines without much royalties going to her. Her soul reflected and said that she should have taken the industry for granted instead of deeming it as a chore to complete, and instead should have taken a break, where she could have gotten married and had kids with Dame regardless of limelight relevancy, which she still regrets not being able to start her own family. Her soul made it a point to analyze her facial expressions to when she was "feeling it" or when it was done out of haste to impress certain authorities. Her soul said that manipulating sexuality for personal gain does destroy something within you spiritually but she was incorporating it for the image and hopefully fans can separate what is depicted by the media versus what truly happened. Her soul said that Aaliyah really loved Dame Dash and what benefited her was that Dame was the cofounder of Rocafella records, which would have gotten her leverage and the connections to move away from her family-ran music label and directly negotiate her deal. Her soul said that her uncle was nefarious and he was losing control and rank in the pyramid scheme that he made with his music label. She was in the middle of being freed from Blackground records to record new material under her control but because she died, he got to keep the majority of the unreleased recordings while her estate was responsible for her image. As stated, the image in tandem with the artistic talents in music are multiplied to propel the branding for relevancy and sales. The estate doesn't want her music to profit the wrong individuals in the family business except that both need to work together for her legacy to be revived. She has a heartfelt message to her fans who uphold and still bring her legacy into prominence after all these years.
Outside of Whitney Houston (that she is really good friends with), her soul kept on pointing to Jennifer Lopez to the channeler in terms of similarities in industry arrival -- JLo was doing dance, Latin, and pop music on her first albums before she transitioned into hip hop and R&B with the help of industry heads in Diddy and Tommy Mottola buying leftover shelved demos from Usher and Brandy, etc and emulating Mariah Carey singles before having Ashanti and Natasha Ramos, etc craft her next singles. JLo leveraged her sexuality to woo heads of record labels (similar to the gentler, natural relationship that Aaliyah found with Dame), where JLo was used to fill the R&B void that Aaliyah left, outside of the rise of Ashanti, Mya, Beyonce, Ciara, Keri Hilson, revival of Monica, etc where Missy was helping some of them succeed. Aaliyah would have found a more flattering way to produce hits and be a trendsetter without harming relationships with other artists in the industry. At the time of her Red album, she said her uncle and his shady industry partners were losing the battle for control and custody over her and she was supposed to be set free from her Blackground label. Her soul said Jay-Z was nefariously scheming over her but wanted her to be in servitude for him in marriage, which is why in the pictures Jay grabbed her by the waist to dance with her (pay attention to facial expressions, similar to how worried she looked at the Nas I Am album release party). She said Jay was wanting to control her towards something sinister to cover up his own insecurities, and that he wanted to teach her a lesson for choosing Dame (which was also why later Dame got screwed out the deal when Rocafella folded and was sold to Def Jam). The Rocafella hand symbol was just a representation reminder for those climbing the pyramid to aim for the top, for how the industry is structured. For example, Kanye took advantage of Rocafella Records and Dame Dash by having his creative output of The College Dropout without the standardization of how rap records were supposed to sound like, where every song Aaliyah sang about was about Love and relationships for R&B records, dictated by her uncle. She was more in control and freeform being in a relationship with Dame, where she said she truly loved him, had a heart connection, and was happy with him.
Upon reflecting on the day of her death, her soul said that her uncle was losing leverage towards controlling her (where she made the majority of the record label's profits) and how she was about to be freed from her uncle's record label. The shady industry conglomerates that her uncle had shady dealings with were also upset and her soul said there were a consortium of shadowy industry conspirators that wanted her demise to control and profiteer off her discography had she died, from how 2Pac and Biggie's music sold way more as one last huzzah before they were supposed to get out their initial contracts and launch their own independent labels. Given that Blackground did a new deal with Virgin Records for her Red album after leaving Atlantic after OIAM, look into Richard Branson (who was associated with Jeffery Epstein, a wall-street magnate) and how the new label backed out and dropped Aaliyah when she died so they wouldn't have to pay for funeral services. Because Aaliyah was dropped from Virgin records after death, Blackground records stopped receiving payments and the funeral bill of $60k went to the estate to cover, where Maxwell picked up the tab. Obviously, she had a premonition dream about her death being floating and weightless from some entity chasing her where all her worries wisped away.
She had a bad feeling about the plane. Her soul reflected that there was something wrong with the airplane tire pressure and one of the airplane instruments was being tampered with and was malfunctioning done on purpose to sabotage the plane. The heavyset man was probably her 300 pound bodyguard discussing some type of deal with the pilot to get them back into the states that she wasn't paying attention to happening in the background. She said that the pilot was the fall guy placed in that position and that the autopsy report saying that there were traces of cocaine and alcohol was a "media trick" to impress upon the public something was at fault with the pilot. It was said that the airplane pilot was the son of a veteran pilot and he had many undocumented hours when flying as a kid with his dad because he had an innate skill to fly without having proper documentation procedures. The pilot was put in this predicament of being on probation for stealing airplane parts and was pressured to fly to keep his job. Her soul said that at the time, she was blind sighted by her anger and the pursuit for her career to be successful and to prove the executives at Virgin Records wrong that 'Rock the Boat' was a good single to be release for her album. Because of this anger, he soul said that she claimed responsibility for flying out a day early to catch other deadlines of recording the Timbaland remix to more than a woman and a feature with Freeway in Miami and that the pressures that resulted in her decisions and actions created hasty judgement overlooking the obvious danger signs and common sense of overloaded/unbalanced luggage. She said that once they were in the air and the plane began to dip and the pilot had to readjust, it was reported in the autopsy report that she died of a shock to the system from a weak heart, suggesting that she was in a coma. She was found 20 feet away from the wreckage where there was one bruise on her forehead and she was in a fetal position. One of the channelers said that when she fainted in midair from her anxiety of flying, she actually felt no pain from the impact and transitioned to the other side where there was a rescue for her soul by her Grandmother that she honored on her red album.
Her soul said that it took her soul 4 years after her death to piece together what had happened that lead her down this path and how to correct for it. She said in her afterlife, she is surrounded by older women as guidance, especially her Grandmother and Whitney, to learn the lessons of not choosing her mortal life path to be stuck in this life of expectation and servitude of having entertainment as a chore to complete for the dangling pursuit of true freedom, but to choose freedom from expectations the minute it appears instead of toil in the guise of it being a careereputation to uphold. She was on the right path towards finding true love with Dame without using marriage as a business pact. She got the upper hand but because she was so low on the pyramid structure of the industry, the powers that be can pull the plug or interfere from her attempts to get free even though she came so close into doing so. Her soul has learned to not pattern her lifetime to be born into these families with entertainment expectations. She said that life is one big stage and some choose the spotlight but everyone has this expectation to contribute to become something. Certain families that your soul ends up being born in have certain agendas for their kids -- they give you the luxuries of life but you have to serve their agenda instead of letting souls pick up life on how they naturally want to be. Her soul said that in order to correct this, she is thriving in the afterlife towards identifying who she really is and recognize the pattern of what life she wants to pick up next without falling into the same situations. My thoughts are that she was so different and had so much style and swag and stood alone that she was a trendsetter without being one by proving to the public she can be her own without following any previous standards or expectations. Even though she was put into that life, she took over and quintessentially became her own person with humility, class, and grace -- people eventually become divas almost as a defense mechanism because of how brutal the industry is towards casting judgement or casting falsehoods about your character because of their struggle for power, greed, and control.
Her souls' words to her mother said that she loved and forgave her in terms of being casted the expectations to perform in industry at such a young age before she had her own impressions of what she wanted in life. She had a lot of good laughter and fond memories but it was in a somber tone due to all the secrets kept. Her soul said that she loved her brother with a lot of emotion and she will never speak badly about him for defending her reputation. She said industry politics got in the way of true progress on her legacy and it wasn't up to the spiritual realm for when her legacy is fully restored to the public. Her soul said that she sacrificed the parts of herself that she understands and identifies with now for the branding and the image of Aaliyah but nobody can decide who you choose your life to be but it is manipulated by the media and family to chase certain ideologies and lifestyles over others. The last message her soul had was that there is a 10 year old girl with her similar looks and poise that they are bringing to the public, who also have this strong connection to her Grandmother, except that this is coming from another entertainment family where the kid is positioned to perform out of expectation and they are drawing inspiration from Aaliyah to mimic and recreate her energy for another money grab. Notice that the 2 videos were done in 2017 and 2019, so they have no way to name that individual except that Blue Ivy was mentioned by her Grandmother that she reminded her of Aaliyah on IG recently, so Blue Ivy is probably the person her soul is talking about that they are trying to rechannel her energy through this little girl as a part of their family entertainment business. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLOuP7WxP-Q If the channelers had "lucky guesses", then how did they stick their neck out and predict that 4-6 years in advance without even having a name?
If there are other channeling videos that you deem to be legit without the cards, let me know.

Demise of a planet home, we gratuitously burn all we’ve got,
Unstoppable warming, desecration, and putrefying rot,
Emissions unending, they rise with exponential degrees,
Human reproduction unceasing ‘til the limits are crossed.
Degrading and despoiling the earth with our industrial might,
Excessive consumption, running toward an inevitable, silent night,
Uninhabitable world, they say we must escape this polluted, heating maze,
Hubristic delusion, we poor apes will suffer from the atmospheric blight.
Accept annihilation, you are among the terminally ill,
Everything is dying, a funeral of our design and fatal will,
This is the inauspicious end, why endeavor to persist, just call it quits,
Extinction is forever, but is this final resting such a bitter pill?
I call on this pitiful race, please refuse to gestate,
Let’s fall into our grave with a sliver of calculated grace,
Defiant reject of prolongation, cessation of a dismal, tortuous existence,
The future is cancelled, in merciful abstention we voluntarily self-eradicate.

Got around to really exploring the Iberia DLC for the first time, combined with T+T, and as the title suggests, I think this somewhat unpopular mechanic could be the saving grace to a drastically under-explored core tenet of the game. Especially with new patches and content, using a similar system to the Iberian struggle in place of the standard crusades as DLC could potentially flesh out a lot of medieval history and help to fix a lot of janky AI shenanigans that make the crusades so unplayable. The intent of this “DLC” would be to focus on building out the historical conflict and its alternate histories rather than fully removing holy wars, similar to what Paradox did with the Iberia region. Maybe I haven’t paid enough attention to posts here or the modding community as of late but I haven’t really seen this crossove fix talked about so heres a bit of rambling ideas off the dome for you:
Crusade Preparation: basically the Opportunity phase. gather progress through catalysts like:
-Pilgrimages -funding inspirations for preachers, holy orders, crusader training -Befriending Greek dudes -Petition liege to support
Or
-War with fellow religionist -Gained claims outside the holy land -Raided Venice -Established an anti pope
Prepare for crusade phase: maybe like a mini hostility phase, basically a crusade WILL happen but when/ where becomes established. Catalysts:
-Recruit new MAA -Grand Feast in Constantinople/ Rome -Build leased baronies/buildings in Anatolia (create localized spawn points for characters who invest in crusader camps for the next stage) -Election system (unrealistic but better than pledging 500 piety) for targets (Latin empire, anyone?) vote tied to individual progress added to struggle
De-escalation/ conciliation phase - Not really sure here, not as familiar with the mechanics so I don’t as of yet have ideas how to go down a non-crusade path and still be enjoyable gameplay. TBD
Crusade! This is the radical part: Make it not one war. By allowing for a series of “friendly” spawn points in proximity to the target, allow participants to call on each other or join in on smaller holy wars to establish crusader states and spawn special MAA. I haven’t really figured out a good way to even theoretically even the playing field entirely against large (Muslim) sultanates, but maybe this phase triggers cultural instability with minority vassals in the Middle East/ North Africa. Catalysts could be:
-Establish crusader state -Join wars -Build or alternatively,raise local villages to the ground -Befriend/ rival involved rulers -Outremer things -Capture Richard and ruin England financially (French things)
Obviously, a lot of the mechanics and ideas need to be built out or entirely changed from above, but it seems like a natural progression to the DLC that Paradox have put out. Give “Establish Outremer Dominance”, “Cultural cohabitation”, “Islamic Dominance” endings to the struggle and bam. Few little details, like the speed of the stages, maintaining a remotely playable “home” realm, vastly overhauling everything we know about paradox crusades, and making relics the conduit to actually fixing items, but I’ll leave that to the devs. It’s a wall of text, but if you made it through, would love to hear folks input.
*Edit: On my phone, apologies for the reformatted text list for catalysts, not going to manually change

This post is part of a series looking at the massive amount of 'rhyming' (and occasionally rhyming) recursivity I believe exists between (a) the homecoming of Petyr Baelish to the Fingers and (b) the homecoming of Theon Greyjoy to Pyke.
While this series/post can be read simply as a study 'for its own sake' of the curious recursion between these storylines, it is my belief that the 'rhyming' explored here between the stories of Petyr and Theon exists (at least in part) to foreshadow that, like Theon, Petyr Littlefinger, is (among other things) a scion of ironborn kings, because Petyr is Hoare-ish: I.e. because Petyr's blood is (in some part) the blood of the ironborn kings of House Hoare of Orkmont and, later, Harrenhal.
You can find an index of every post I've made on the topic of a Hoare-ish Littlefinger (including every post in this sub-series) [HERE].
Even if I'm wrong about Littlefinger's lineage, the 'rhyming' recursivity between the homecomings of Theon and Petyr detailed in this series remains, and certainly merits attention.
NOTE: In what follows, all uncited quotes are from ASOS Sansa VI, which describes Petyr's homecoming to his "Drearfort" tower of the 'Smallest Finger', or ACOK Theon I, which describes Theon's homecoming to "drear" Pyke.
As in past posts, I sometimes use "→" as shorthand for "'prefigures' and/or 'informs' and/or 'is reworked by' and/or 'finds a recursive rhyme in'.
As in: ACOK Theon I → ASOS Sansa VI.
This post picks up straight-away from where Part 8 left off. You can read Part 8 [HERE].
If you want to begin at the beginning, Part 1 is [HERE].

The Myraham's Prophetic Cargo

After Theon makes port, the captain of the Myraham announces his cargo to the people on the docks of Lordport and we read about the offloading of the Myraham:

"We're out of Oldtown," the captain called down, "bearing apples and oranges, wines from the Arbor, feathers from the Summer Isles. I have pepper, woven leathers, a bolt of Myrish lace, mirrors for milady, a pair of Oldtown woodharps sweet as any you ever heard." The gangplank descended with a creak and a thud. "And I've brought your heir back to you."

Most of what we read there seems to be reworked in and around Littlefinger's homecoming in ASOS Sansa VI, when the Merling King brings the Dreadfort its heir, Littlefinger, as well as the seeming heir to Winterfell, Sansa. This begins with the Arbor wine and fruit we see off-loaded from the Merling King:

Oswell made two more trips out to the Merling King to offload provisions. Among the loads he brought ashore were several casks of wine. Petyr poured Sansa a cup, as promised. …
… The wine was very fine; an Arbor vintage, she thought. It tasted of oak and fruit and hot summer nights, the flavors blossoming in her mouth like flowers opening to the sun. She only prayed that she could keep it down. Lord Petyr was being so kind, she did not want to spoil it all by retching on him.
… "Grisel," he called to the old woman, "bring some food up. … Oswell's brought some oranges and pomegranates from the King." …
Grisel reappeared…, balancing a large platter. … There were apples and pears and pomegranates, some sad-looking grapes, a huge blood orange.

Besides the straight repetition of Arbor wine, oranges, apples, and heirs, the repeated Oldtown motif is baldly reworked by Sansa's description of the wine, which is patently Oldtown-summer-esque, per the only substantive pre-AFFC description of Oldtown, which associates it with hot, fruity summer nights:

"King Maekar's summer was hotter than this one, and near as long. … [T]he heat was fierce while it lasted. Oldtown… came alive only by night. … I remember the smells of those nights, my lord—perfume and sweat, melons ripe to bursting, peaches and pomegranates, nightshade and moonbloom." (AGOT Eddard V)

The Myraham's "mirrors for milady" prefigure Sansa being figuratively groomed by Petyr and literally grooming herself in Petyr's Eyrie after he takes over:

When Gretchel fetched her Lysa's silvered looking glass, the color seemed just perfect with Alayne's mass of dark brown hair. (AFFC Alayne I)

The Myraham's "woodharps sweet as any you ever heard" presage Sansa being attacked by Marillion, whose "voice was strong and sweet", (AFFC Sansa I) after he sings a song (about blowjobs?) called "Milady's Supper" (supper a la the Myraham-ish fruit Sansa eats for supper when she lands) during Petyr's wedding bedding:

Lady Lysa's singer launched into a bawdy version of "Milady's Supper"….

The Myraham's "woven leathers" and "Myrish lace" are reworked into the "laces unlaced" i.e. unwoven during said wedding:

By the time they had gotten him into the tower and out of his clothes, the other women were flushed, with laces unlaced, kirtles crooked, and skirts in disarray.

That it's a "bolt of Myrish lace" is interesting: After Sansa boards the Merling King, she sees a singular "bolt" from a crossbow strike Dontos, and then two more:

Lothor Brune dipped his torch. Three men stepped to the gunwale, raised crossbows, fired. One bolt took Dontos in the chest as he looked up…. The others ripped into throat and belly. (ASOS Sansa V)

Three crossbow bolts? What does that remind us if not… a Myrish crossbow:

"The king is playing with his new crossbow," Tyrion said. Ridding himself of Joffrey had required only an ungainly Myrish crossbow that threw three quarrels at a time…. (ACOK Tyrion VI)

What about the Myraham's "pepper"? I suspect this gets box-checked first by Sansa trying not to "retch" as she is off-loaded along with the wine with which Littlefinger tries to settle her tummy, as just two chapters later peppers are tightly linked to "retching" of the sort Sansa feels like doing:

[Tyrion] found himself on his knees retching… that double helping of fried eggs cooked up with onions and fiery Dornish peppers. (ASOS Tyrion X)

GRRM seems to play off the "pepper" motif in other ways, as well. Consider that the gathering to meet the Myraham and the shouted questions that prompt her captain to announce her cargo—

A handful of Lordsport merchants had gathered to meet the ship. They shouted questions as the Myraham was tying up.

—get reworked by Petyr's household all gathering "to meet" the Merling King and by their peppering one another with questions:

Servants emerged from the tower to meet them; a thin old woman and a fat middle-aged one, two ancient white-haired men, and a girl of two or three with a sty on one eye. When they recognized Lord Petyr they knelt on the rocks. "My household," he said. "I don't know the child. Another of Kella's bastards, I suppose. She pops one out every few years."

She's a "popper", then, in case we didn't catch that retching → peppers. (This also reworks Theon "popping one off" with the captain's daughter, who is in many ways reworked by Kella, as will be discussed below.)

… [Petyr]… gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek and grinned at the younger one. "Who fathered this one, Kella?"
The fat woman laughed. "I can't rightly say, m'lord. I'm not one for telling them no."
"And all the local lads are grateful, I am quite sure."
"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man. … "How long will you be in residence?"
"As short a time as possible, Bryen, have no fear. Is the place habitable just now, would you say?"
"If we knew you was coming we would have laid down fresh rushes, m'lord," said the crone. "There's a dung fire burning."
"Nothing says home like the smell of burning dung." Petyr turned to Sansa. "Grisel was my wet nurse, but she keeps my castle now. Umfred's my steward, and Bryen—didn't I name you captain of the guard the last time I was here?"
"You did, my lord.…"
… Petyr gestured toward the fat woman. "Kella minds my vast herds. How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"

A gathering, and questions, questions, questions, as when Theon docks.
Recall that Bryen and Umfred come from shore to offload Sansa (who's just been promised a cup of wine to help with her upset "tummy") from the Merling King's rowboat:

The two old men waded out up to their thighs to lift Sansa from the boat so she would not get her skirts wet.

This reworks the "shorehands… off-loading… casks of wine" from a Tyroshi trader docked with the Myraham—

[Theon] spied a Tyroshi trading galley off-loading…
Shorehands rolled casks of wine off the Tyroshi trader, fisherfolk cried the day's catch, children ran and played. A priest in the seawater robes of the Drowned God was leading a pair of horses along the pebbled shore, while above him a slattern leaned out a window in the inn, calling out to some passing Ibbenese sailors.

—which itself prefigures the above-quoted off-loading of the Merling King (when "Oswell made two more trips out to the Merling King to offload provisions" including "several casks of wine", from which Petyr immediately "poured Sansa a cup, as promised").

Kella & The Slattern

What about that "slattern lean[ing] out a window" to greet "some passing… sailors" while "children ran and played"? I submit that she is one of several motifs from Theon's homecoming prefiguring Petyr's servant Kella. I'll explain.
Consider that Petyr's servant Kella has many bastards i.e. children, popping one out every few years:

"I don't know the child. Another of Kella's bastards, I suppose. She pops one out every few years."

We only see one; presumably the others are off somewhere, running and playing, perhaps.
Kella happily greets Petyr as he comes ashore, much as Lordsport's slattern "call[s] out to some passing Ibbenese sailors". Note that the sailors on the Merling King are likewise 'passing' — passing through:

"From here the King turns east for Braavos. Without us."

Consider most of all that Kella's something of a slattern herself: She's "not one for telling them no".

"I can't rightly say, m'lord. I'm not one for telling them no."
"And all the local lads are grateful, I am quite sure."

Indeed, something Lysa says pretty clearly codes Kella as a verbatim "slattern", underlining the recursion:

"How would you like to spend your life on that bleak shore, surrounded by slatterns and sheep pellets?" (ASOS Sansa VII)

So I think the vignette with the slattern and the children in Lordsport pretty plainly prefigures Kella. But I think she's prefigured by two more pieces of Theon's homecoming.

Kella & The Captain's Daughter

Keeping in mind that Kella has a bunch of bastards ("she pops one out every few years) and that she's "not one for telling them no", consider also that she is (a) literally 'with child' — or rather, with a child—

a girl of two or three with a sty on one eye

—that she's (b) "fat"—

"Who fathered this one, Kella?"
The fat woman laughed.

—and that she's (c) coded as a bit stupid:

"Kella minds my vast herds. How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"
She had to think a moment. "Three and twenty, m'lord. There was nine and twenty, but Bryen's dogs killed one and we butchered some others and salted down the meat."

All like Theon's "captain's daughter".
The captain's daughter is "plump", as Kella is "fat":

The girl was a shade plump for his taste…

She is likely pregnant with Theon's bastard, a la Kella the bastard-popper.
She tells Theon…

"You can put it in me again, if it please you…"

…and accedes to his request for a blowjob, so she's "not one for telling them no."
She thereby helps Theon 'pop one off', a la Kella "pop[ping] one out".
Like Kella, she seems a bit stupid:

She looked rather stupid when she smiled, but he had never required a woman to be clever.
The stupid girl did not seem to be listening.
She… learned quickly for such a stupid girl….
She looked at him stupidly, so he left her there.

And finally, she offers to work in Theon's castle—

I'd work in your castle, milord.

—just as Kella works for Petyr.

Kella: The Spreading Patch of the Smallest Finger?

Besides the "slattern" and the captain's daughter, I suspect Kella may also riff on — of all things — the "spreading patches" of "lichen" on "wet" Pyke as Theon sails by:

[Pyke was] wet by the same salt waves, festooned with the same spreading patches of dark green lichen, speckled by the droppings of the same seabirds.

Get it? A spreading 'patch'? In combination with "lichen" a la "licking" and Pyke being "wet"? And not just wet, but "wet by… salt waves", when as we know from the captain's daughter, semen tastes "salty", "like the sea". It's like Pyke is being described as a turned-on "slattern" with her legs spread.
A Hoare, we might say.
This connects to Kella, specifically because of her name: Kella is a near anagram for "kale", a dark green plant, like the "dark green lichen".
Actually, the name Kella may have anothere precursor in Theon's story: "Qalen", the maester Theon asks Helya about upon his arrival at Pyke:

"And what of Maester Qalen, where is he?"

Qalen would be pronounced Kalen. Qalen → Kalen → Kale → Kela → Kella. Anyway…

Grisel & The Captain's Daughter

Something similar is going on with Petyr's servant Grisel, the "thin old woman" who was his wet nurse but who "keeps [his] castle now":

"Grisel was my wet nurse, but she keeps my castle now.

Grisel is similarly prefigured by two people from Theon's homecoming, including first the captain's daughter who wants to work in Theon's castle as Grisel works in Petyr's "castle".
Consider first that Grisel, like the captain's daughter, seems slightly stupid (but eager to please), as she fails to grasp Petyr's sarcasm and takes his derisive joke about gulls' eggs and seaweed soup as an order:

"Ah, cold salt mutton. I must be home. When I break my fast on gulls' eggs and seaweed soup, I'll be certain of it."
"If you like, m'lord," said the old woman Grisel.
Lord Petyr made a face.

Then there is the captain daughter's resume:

"I'd work in your castle, milord. I can clean fish and bake bread and churn butter. Father says my peppercrab stew is the best he's ever tasted. You could find me a place in your kitchens and I could make you peppercrab stew."

This surely prefigures what we're told about Grisel making a sea-based soup of her own (i.e. the just mentioned "seaweed soup"), baking bread, and churning butter for Petyr:

Grisel reappeared before he could say more, balancing a large platter. She set it down between them. … The old woman had brought a round of bread as well, and a crock of butter.
Grisel climbed up to the bedchamber to serve the lord and lady a tray of morning bread, with butter, honey, fruit, and cream.

Where Grisel used to be Petyr's wet nurse, Theon suckles the captain daughter's nipple as if she's a wet nurse:

Theon's finger circled one heavy teat, spiraling in toward the fat brown nipple. … He took her nipple in his mouth….
"You can put it in me again, if it please you," she whispered in his ear as he sucked.

And finally, where Theon kisses the captain's daughter on the ear—

[Theon] drew the captain's daughter close and kissed her on her ear.

—Littlefinger kisses Grisel on the cheek:

Oswell and Lothor splashed their way ashore, as did Littlefinger himself. He gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek and grinned at the younger one.

Helya & Grisel (& Gretchel)

Grisel also rhymes with and reworks Helya, who keeps Balon's castle:

A bentback old crone in a shapeless grey dress approached him warily. "M'lord, I am sent to show you to chambers."
"And who are you?"
"Helya, who keeps this castle for your lord father."

Get it? "Helya and Grisel", a la "Hansel and Gretel".
(Gretel is a variant of "Greta". "Grisel" sounds like gristle, whereas in Hansel and Gretel the witch is trying to fatten Hansel up — she don't want no stringy meat! Note the thematic symmetry as well: By treating Hansel kindly and feeding him delicious treats, the witch is essentially "grooming" him for her own benefit/consumption, as Theon and Petyr groom the captain's daughter and Sansa, respectively, for their own benefit. Finally, note that "pebbles" are a key motif in Hansel and Gretel, prefiguring the proliferation of "pebbles" on Pyke, the 'rhyming' "pellets" on Petyr's Finger, and the isle of "Pebble" that leads to Petyr's Finger.)
The two "old" castle keepers neatly invert one another. Consider Grisel's comments about the old rushes and fire in Petyr's tower:

"If we knew you was coming we would have laid down fresh rushes, m'lord," said the crone. "There's a dung fire burning."
"Nothing says home like the smell of burning dung."

That's a recursive reversal of Helya's (lack of) preparation for Theon's visit: Where Grisel has a fire going even though she didn't know Petyr was coming, and where she proactively apologizes for not changing the rushes, telling him "we would have laid down fresh rushes… if we knew you were coming", Helya neither lit a fire nor changed the heavily foregrounded "old and brittle" rushes in the rooms Theon is given—

"I'll have a basin of hot water and a fire in this hearth," he told the crone. "See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill. And gods be good, get someone in here at once to change these rushes."

—despite having ample forewarning of his coming:

It was not as though they had no word of his arrival. Robb had sent ravens from Riverrun, and… Jason Mallister had sent his own birds to Pyke….

The joke is underlined by the introduction of "Gretchel" — Gretel with a borrowed H from Helya/Hansel — who fetches washbasins of water (which, see below), "la[ys] a fire in the hearth" and "tend[s] to the fire", brings food and discusses food storage in Petyr's Eyrie in AFFC Sansa I & Alayne I. (In other words, she 'keeps his castle.')

'Rhyming' Interiors

That's just the beginning of the reversals in the many recursions between Theon's lodgings at Pyke and Sansa's in the Drearfort.
Where Helya leads Theon to his rooms on his orders—

"Show me to my chambers, woman," he commanded. Bowing stiffly, [Helya] led him across the headland to the bridge. …
Whenever he'd imagined his homecoming, he had always pictured himself returning to the snug bedchamber in the Sea Tower, where he'd slept as a child. Instead the old woman led him to the Bloody Keep.

—it's Petyr who leads the way into his tower, casually inviting Grisel (and everyone else) to follow him:

"If you like, m'lord," said the old woman Grisel.
Lord Petyr made a face. "Come, let's see if my hall is as dreary as I recall." He led them up the strand…

Petyr jokes about his hall being "dreary", and perhaps it is, but while it's "small" and "even smaller" within, his tower is also home to his servants, and hence very well lived-in.

Within, the tower seemed even smaller. An open stone stair wound round the inside wall, from undercroft to roof. Each floor was but a single room. The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs. Above that was a modest hall, and higher still the bedchamber.

(Note that the "mastiff", which we see as Petyr leads Grisel in, recalls Helya bowing "stiffly" before leading Theon to his rooms.)
This sharply reverses the situation Theon finds at Pyke, when he's deposited not in a single room shared by a bunch of people who've lived in it forever and warmed by a hearth with a burning fire, a la Sansa, nor in the "snug bedchamber" in the Sea Tower he'd anticipated (which sounds like Littlefinger's little "tower" by the sea), but in the Bloody Keep, in a whole-ass "suite" of large but "chilly", even "cold" rooms with incredibly high ceilings — rooms which haven't even been opened, much less lived-in, for "years", and which are the very definition of "dreary":

The halls here were larger and better furnished, if no less cold nor damp. Theon was given a suite of chilly rooms with ceilings so high that they were lost in gloom. [Omitted but see below.]
[Omitted but see below.] It was not fear of ghosts that made him glance about with distaste. The wall hangings were green with mildew, the mattress musty-smelling and sagging, the rushes old and brittle. Years had come and gone since these chambers had last been opened. The damp went bone deep. "I'll have a basin of hot water and a fire in this hearth," he told the crone. See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill. And gods be good, get someone in here at once to change these rushes."

A ton of the motifs here (including the omitted stuff, which I'll return to) get recycled and reworked in Petyr's tower.
Most obviously, Theon's request for hot water prefigures Sansa's request for a hot bath:

"Might I have a hot bath as well?" asked Sansa.
"I'll have Kella draw some water, m'lady."

Note that Kella fulfills the request, not Grisel. This 'fits', as it's not Helya who brings Theon's water, but "two thralls".
Note also that Sansa requests her bath after thinking…

She desperately needed a bath and a change of clothes.

…whereas Theon changes his clothes immediately after the quoted passages.
Slightly less obviously, the "wall hangings [that] were green with mildew" are reworked by Petyr's own green 'wall hanging': his grandfather's shield, which is painted with a "light green field" and which "hung… above the hearth". The "mildew" is reworked by the fact that the paint is "cracked and flaking" i.e. flawed. And maybe also by the "light green field", since a field grows crops which get milled and which get dewy.

Brittle Bryen's Brigantine, Brindled Mastiff, & Old Blind Dog

As mentioned, the motif of unchanged rushes from Theon's homecoming recurs when Petyr comes home. But Petyr's homecoming also lexically riffs on Theon's rushes being quote-unquote "old and brittle" by giving us Bryen in "brigantine" who is very "old" but not, seemingly, brittle, as he still walks watches, not with his "old blind dog", but with a "brindled mastiff":

"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man. He looked to be at least eighty, but he wore a studded brigantine and a longsword at his side. …
"Bryen—didn't I name you captain of the guard the last time I was here?"
"You did, my lord. You said you'd be getting some more men too, but you never did. Me and the dogs stand all the watches."
Sansa found Bryen's old blind dog in her little alcove beneath the steps…
The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs.

Is the brindled dog a "mastiff" 'only' a wink at Theon going mast-stiff for Asha? (See Part 4.) Maybe. But it's worth mentioning that when Theon is first being stirred by Pyke's banner and it's being battered about like the shield we see in the Drearfort three sentences after the mastiff, it's also (a) flying from a very stiff "mast" and (b) juxtaposed with a very large 'dog' of sorts:

The banner streamed from an iron mast, shivering and twisting as the wind gusted like a bird struggling to take flight. And here at least the direwolf of Stark did not fly above, casting its shadow down upon the Greyjoy kraken.

Musty Old Mattresses

The old, "musty-smelling and sagging" mattress (in the chamber that has just been re-opened after long periods of being closed and uninhabited) from Theon's homecoming is answered in Petyr's homecomiong by Lysa, who arrives a few pages later in the chapter, eager to finally have sex again with Petyr. "Mattress" is slang for a sexually available woman (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mattress) and Lysa sags—

Lady Lysa was two years younger than Mother, but this woman looked ten years older. Thick auburn tresses fell down past her waist, but beneath the costly velvet gown and jeweled bodice her body sagged and bulged.

—and smells stale. (Note that Lysa is on a mattress here.)

Her aunt was drenched in sweet scent, though under that was a sour milky smell. Her cheek tasted of paint and powder.

Lysa's "cheek tast[ing] of paint and powder" riffs on the line about Theon's "distaste" and "fear of ghosts":

It was not fear of ghosts that made him glance about with distaste.

The distaste wordplay is obvious: Lysa tastes bad. As for the "fear of ghosts", Lysa (whom Sansa fears) being covered in "powder" reminds us of Sansa being afraid of a "spirit" covered in powdery flour:

When the spirit stepped out of the open tomb, pale white and moaning for blood, Sansa ran shrieking for the stairs…. Arya stood her ground and gave the spirit a punch. It was only Jon, covered with flour. (AGOT Arya IV)

This line—

The halls here were larger and better furnished, if no less cold nor damp.

—is reworked by Lysa as well, who is big and well-dressed ("better furnished", so to speak)—

[B]eneath the costly velvet gown and jeweled bodice her body sagged and bulged. Her face was pink and painted, her breasts heavy, her limbs thick. She was taller than Littlefinger, and heavier; nor did she show any grace in the clumsy way she climbed down off her horse.

—but cold to Sansa and horny/wet/"damp" for Petyr.
Given that Theon's rooms are in several ways like Lysa (newly 'open for business' after a long period of being closed and untouched by men, etc.), and pronouncing aunt like antler, we also might say that where the Lysa-like rooms are "cold" and "damp", Lysa herself is Sansa's "cold" aunt. Rhyming 'rhyming'.
That "years had come and gone since" the room with the Lysa-like mattress "had last been opened" is reworked not just by Lysa getting laid, but textually when Sansa is told Lysa is coming to the Drearfort (where she is 're-opened', so to speak):

It had been years since Sansa last saw her mother's sister…"

I wonder whether Lysa crying and speaking to Sansa of being "bound by blood" to her—

Tears welled suddenly in Lady Lysa's eyes. "We are women alone now, you and I. Are you afraid, child? Be brave. I would never turn away Cat's daughter. We are bound by blood."

—might not be in part a play on the fact that "the damp went bone deep" in the Bloody Keep. By saying that, Sansa's damp (i.e. crying) aunt "went bone deep", so to speak. (If you're "bound by blood" to someone, you have a "bone deep" bond with them. Also, bone → bound wordplay?)

Braziers → Bracing?

Did Theon's attempt to drive away "the chill" and damp of the salty sea air of Pyke using "braziers"—

See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill.

—inform (via wordplay: braziers → bracing) Petyr's line when the Merling King pulls up to the Drearfort?

Lord Petyr came up beside her, cheerful as ever. "Good morrow. The salt air is bracing, don't you think? It always sharpens my appetite."

And/or is that "sharpening" motif a recursion of Theon sharpening his dirk immediately after said braziers are lit?

After some time, they brought the hot water he had asked for. … While two thralls lit his braziers, Theon stripped off his travel-stained clothing and dressed to meet his father. … He hung a dirk at one hip and a longsword at the other…. Drawing the dirk, he … pulled a whetstone from his belt pouch, and gave it a few licks. He prided himself on keeping his weapons sharp.

Gods Be Good!

The motifs of Theon yelling "gods be good" at his servant and of "ceilings so high that they were lost in gloom" are recursively reworked when Lysa summons Sansa (like a servant) to speak with her the morning after she weds Petyr. Sansa responds to the summons by thinking, verbatim, "gods be good", and is then told they'll be heading to the Eyrie, which we know is "so high you can stand on the parapets and look down on the clouds", i.e. it has parapets 'so high that they were lost in the clouds':

Lady Lysa was still abed [like a good mattress!], but Lord Petyr was up and dressed. "Your aunt wishes to speak with you," he told Sansa, as he pulled on a boot. "I've told her who you are."
Gods be good. "I . . . I thank you, my lord."
Petyr yanked on the other boot. "I've had about as much home as I can stomach. We'll leave for the Eyrie this afternoon."
Seven towers, Ned had told her, like white daggers thrust into the belly of the sky, so high you can stand on the parapets and look down on the clouds. (AGOT Catelyn VI)

The notion of a "ceiling" so high it is lost in gloom is perhaps also reworked by the story Lysa tells Sansa about Petyr's "rise" to power: She says she "always knew how high [Petyr would] rise", and it's my belief that said rise has likely seen him 'lost', spiritually, in 'darkness'. (Note that ceilings are a frequently invoked metaphor when talking about climbing the corporate ladder.)

"Half his teeth were gone, and his breath smelled like bad cheese. I cannot abide a man with foul breath. Petyr's breath is always fresh . . . he was the first man I ever kissed, you know. My father said he was too lowborn, but I knew how high he'd rise. Jon gave him the customs for Gulltown to please me, but when he increased the incomes tenfold my lord husband saw how clever he was and gave him other appointments, even brought him to King's Landing to be master of coin. That was hard, to see him every day and still be wed to that old cold man.

(Recall that the motif of bad/fresh breath there reworks the "winey stench of the old man's [Sylas Sourmouth's] breath", which Theon thinks about roughly ¼ page prior to being shown his suite in the Bloody Keep.)

Butchered Sons & Brothers

Lysa continues to rant:

"Jon did his duty in the bedchamber, but he could no more give me pleasure than he could give me children. His seed was old and weak. All my babies died but Robert, three girls and two boys. All my sweet little babies dead, and that old man just went on and on with his stinking breath. So you see, I have suffered too." Lady Lysa sniffed. "You do know that your poor mother is dead?"
"Tyrion told me," said Sansa. "He said the Freys murdered her at The Twins, with Robb."

Those references to (a) a bunch of dead "babies", including two brothers, one of which was "murdered" when Lysa's father, Hoster Tully, who ruled the Riverlands, betrayed Lysa's trust; and to (b) foul smelling breath, a la Sylas, and finally to (c) the Red Wedding — a bloody betrayal of Sansa's brother, who was King of the Riverlands — particularly (per Sansa saying "Tyrion told me") as it's described by Tyrion—

Sansa did not need to hear how her brother's body had been hacked and mutilated, he decided; nor how her mother's corpse had been dumped naked into the Green Fork in a savage mockery of House Tully's funeral customs. (ASOS Tyrion VII)

—are one of the ways ASOS Sansa VI rejiggers the part of Theon's description of his Bloody Keep suite I "[omitted]" earlier, which entails betrayals, murdered brothers, a River King, slaughter, and bodies "hacked to bits".

[Theon] might have been more impressed if he had not known that these were the very chambers that had given the Bloody Keep its name. A thousand years before, the sons of the River King had been slaughtered here, hacked to bits in their beds so that pieces of their bodies might be sent back to their father on the mainland.
But Greyjoys were not murdered in Pyke except once in a great while by their brothers, and his brothers were both dead.

Lysa's speech with its reference to her abortion and to the Red Wedding (and to stink-breath like Sylas's) isn't the only (or even the main) way Petyr's homecoming chapter refracts those images from Theon's homecoming, though.
Littlefinger is himself a kind of River King (as Lord Paramount of the Trident), right? And note that we read all about his "slaughtered" "sons" just before he enters the tower, wherein we then see the foul betrayers who murdered their 'brothers'. I'm talking, of course, about his sheep and his sheepdogs:

"How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"
… "Three and twenty, m'lord. There was nine and twenty, but Bryen's dogs killed one and we butchered some others and salted down the meat."
"Ah, cold salt mutton. I must be home.…" … "Come, let's see if my hall is as dreary as I recall." … A handful of sheep were wandering about the base of the flint tower…. …
Within, the tower seemed even smaller. An open stone stair wound round the inside wall, from undercroft to roof. Each floor was but a single room. The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs.

Note the kitchen, recalling that the Bloody Keep is paired with the Kitchen Keep as Theon first gazes on Pyke:

Farther out were the Kitchen Keep and the Bloody Keep, each on its own island.

Note, too, that the sheep are coded as Petyr's "sons", in a way (a la the "slaughtered… sons of the River King" Theon remembers in his Bloody Tower rooms), and not just because he owns them. He says that Kella has lots of bastards and that she minds his sheep, right? And what else does he say of Kella, in jest? That she 'is' the "mother" of his "daughter," "Alayne Stone":

"Alayne . . . Stone, would it be?" When he nodded, she said, "But who is my mother?"
"Kella?"
"Please no," she said, mortified.
"I was teasing.

The joke foregrounds the notion of Petyr as the father of Kella's children. And while she supposedly has a bunch of bastards, we don't see them. We just see the one girl with the livestock-evoking eye with a sty. It's almost like the sheep she looks after are her children. And thus like Petyr is their father.
(Note the word "mortified". This points straight back to Theon in his Bloody Tower for two reasons: First, greyscale, which mortifies the flesh, killed Balon's brother Harlon, who died "in a windowless tower room" at Pyke. Second: Theon will, in his next chapter, be truly mortified by the realization that "Esgred" is his sister Asha, where that masquerade in turn prefigures Sansa masquerading as Alayne.)
So the "cold" Bloody Keep with its partner the Kitchen Keep and its story of a "slaughter", betrayal, brother killing brother, a River King's sons' bodies "hacked to bits in their beds" — all these motifs are reworked by Kella's account of one of Lord Paramount Petyr's sheep-'sons' being killed by its lexicial 'brothers', the very "sheep-dogs" who were supposed to guard it, and of other sheep-'sons' being verbatim "butchered", i.e. slaughtered on a killing bed and in the process surely hacked into pieces that were then preserved against spoilage for future consumption, such that the resulting "cold salt mutton" could be used as travel rations. Which jibes with Theon's language, creatively interpreted:

[T]he sons of the River King had been slaughtered here, hacked to bits in their beds so that pieces of their bodies might be sent back to their father on the mainland.

(They were slaughtered and hacked to bits only so as to properly preserve them against spoilage during their upcoming journey "back to their father on the mainland", you see!)

Theon's Honor Guard

The conditions in Theon's rooms are consistent with the cold welcome he receives, both from Aeron—

The priest's manner was chilly, most unlike the man Theon remembered.

—and Balon—

Theon pulled off his gloves. "… Why is my father not here to greet me?"
"He awaits you in the Sea Tower, m'lord. When you are rested from your trip."
And I thought Ned Stark cold.

—and they're thus part of a broad yin/yang 'rhyme' with Petyr's initial homecoming, which is warm and welcoming and full of familiar faces, whereas Theon knows no one, such that he thinks:

It is as if I were a stranger here….

The reversal is wryly underlined when Petyr is greeted at the shore by his "captain of the guards", Bryen:

"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man.

Thus Petyr ironically gets the "honor guard" welcome Theon hoped he'd get on his arrival 'home':

[Theon] saw… no honor guard waiting to escort him from Lordsport to Pyke, only smallfolk going about their small business.

Notice that where no one stops what they're doing for Theon, everyone stops when Petyr arrives. And of course, everyone in his household recognizes him, whereas no one recognizes Theon. Which is telling, because in a deep sense, that's all Theon really wants, deep down: a little recognition.
Littlefinger has it… but it's not enough.

(SUB)SERIES CONCLUDES IN PART 10: Oswell & Aeron; Lothar & Dagmer; The Closing Twist

This post is part of a series looking at the massive amount of 'rhyming' (and occasionally rhyming) recursivity I believe exists between (a) the homecoming of Petyr Baelish to the Fingers and (b) the homecoming of Theon Greyjoy to Pyke.
While this series/post can be read simply as a study 'for its own sake' of the curious recursion between these storylines, it is my belief that the 'rhyming' explored here between the stories of Petyr and Theon exists (at least in part) to foreshadow that, like Theon, Petyr Littlefinger, is (among other things) a scion of ironborn kings, because Petyr is Hoare-ish: I.e. because Petyr's blood is (in some part) the blood of the ironborn kings of House Hoare of Orkmont and, later, Harrenhal.
You can find an index of every post I've made on the topic of a Hoare-ish Littlefinger (including every post in this sub-series) [HERE].
Even if I'm wrong about Littlefinger's lineage, the 'rhyming' recursivity between the homecomings of Theon and Petyr detailed in this series remains, and certainly merits attention.
NOTE: In what follows, all uncited quotes are from ASOS Sansa VI, which describes Petyr's homecoming to his "Drearfort" tower of the 'Smallest Finger', or ACOK Theon I, which describes Theon's homecoming to "drear" Pyke.
As in past posts, I sometimes use "→" as shorthand for "'prefigures' and/or 'informs' and/or 'is reworked by' and/or 'finds a recursive rhyme in'.
As in: ACOK Theon I → ASOS Sansa VI.
This post picks up straight-away from where Part 8 left off. You can read Part 8 [HERE].
If you want to begin at the beginning, Part 1 is [HERE].

The Myraham's Prophetic Cargo

After Theon makes port, the captain of the Myraham announces his cargo to the people on the docks of Lordport and we read about the offloading of the Myraham:

"We're out of Oldtown," the captain called down, "bearing apples and oranges, wines from the Arbor, feathers from the Summer Isles. I have pepper, woven leathers, a bolt of Myrish lace, mirrors for milady, a pair of Oldtown woodharps sweet as any you ever heard." The gangplank descended with a creak and a thud. "And I've brought your heir back to you."

Most of what we read there seems to be reworked in and around Littlefinger's homecoming in ASOS Sansa VI, when the Merling King brings the Dreadfort its heir, Littlefinger, as well as the seeming heir to Winterfell, Sansa. This begins with the Arbor wine and fruit we see off-loaded from the Merling King:

Oswell made two more trips out to the Merling King to offload provisions. Among the loads he brought ashore were several casks of wine. Petyr poured Sansa a cup, as promised. …
… The wine was very fine; an Arbor vintage, she thought. It tasted of oak and fruit and hot summer nights, the flavors blossoming in her mouth like flowers opening to the sun. She only prayed that she could keep it down. Lord Petyr was being so kind, she did not want to spoil it all by retching on him.
… "Grisel," he called to the old woman, "bring some food up. … Oswell's brought some oranges and pomegranates from the King." …
Grisel reappeared…, balancing a large platter. … There were apples and pears and pomegranates, some sad-looking grapes, a huge blood orange.

Besides the straight repetition of Arbor wine, oranges, apples, and heirs, the repeated Oldtown motif is baldly reworked by Sansa's description of the wine, which is patently Oldtown-summer-esque, per the only substantive pre-AFFC description of Oldtown, which associates it with hot, fruity summer nights:

"King Maekar's summer was hotter than this one, and near as long. … [T]he heat was fierce while it lasted. Oldtown… came alive only by night. … I remember the smells of those nights, my lord—perfume and sweat, melons ripe to bursting, peaches and pomegranates, nightshade and moonbloom." (AGOT Eddard V)

The Myraham's "mirrors for milady" prefigure Sansa being figuratively groomed by Petyr and literally grooming herself in Petyr's Eyrie after he takes over:

When Gretchel fetched her Lysa's silvered looking glass, the color seemed just perfect with Alayne's mass of dark brown hair. (AFFC Alayne I)

The Myraham's "woodharps sweet as any you ever heard" presage Sansa being attacked by Marillion, whose "voice was strong and sweet", (AFFC Sansa I) after he sings a song (about blowjobs?) called "Milady's Supper" (supper a la the Myraham-ish fruit Sansa eats for supper when she lands) during Petyr's wedding bedding:

Lady Lysa's singer launched into a bawdy version of "Milady's Supper"….

The Myraham's "woven leathers" and "Myrish lace" are reworked into the "laces unlaced" i.e. unwoven during said wedding:

By the time they had gotten him into the tower and out of his clothes, the other women were flushed, with laces unlaced, kirtles crooked, and skirts in disarray.

That it's a "bolt of Myrish lace" is interesting: After Sansa boards the Merling King, she sees a singular "bolt" from a crossbow strike Dontos, and then two more:

Lothor Brune dipped his torch. Three men stepped to the gunwale, raised crossbows, fired. One bolt took Dontos in the chest as he looked up…. The others ripped into throat and belly. (ASOS Sansa V)

Three crossbow bolts? What does that remind us if not… a Myrish crossbow:

"The king is playing with his new crossbow," Tyrion said. Ridding himself of Joffrey had required only an ungainly Myrish crossbow that threw three quarrels at a time…. (ACOK Tyrion VI)

What about the Myraham's "pepper"? I suspect this gets box-checked first by Sansa trying not to "retch" as she is off-loaded along with the wine with which Littlefinger tries to settle her tummy, as just two chapters later peppers are tightly linked to "retching" of the sort Sansa feels like doing:

[Tyrion] found himself on his knees retching… that double helping of fried eggs cooked up with onions and fiery Dornish peppers. (ASOS Tyrion X)

GRRM seems to play off the "pepper" motif in other ways, as well. Consider that the gathering to meet the Myraham and the shouted questions that prompt her captain to announce her cargo—

A handful of Lordsport merchants had gathered to meet the ship. They shouted questions as the Myraham was tying up.

—get reworked by Petyr's household all gathering "to meet" the Merling King and by their peppering one another with questions:

Servants emerged from the tower to meet them; a thin old woman and a fat middle-aged one, two ancient white-haired men, and a girl of two or three with a sty on one eye. When they recognized Lord Petyr they knelt on the rocks. "My household," he said. "I don't know the child. Another of Kella's bastards, I suppose. She pops one out every few years."

She's a "popper", then, in case we didn't catch that retching → peppers. (This also reworks Theon "popping one off" with the captain's daughter, who is in many ways reworked by Kella, as will be discussed below.)

… [Petyr]… gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek and grinned at the younger one. "Who fathered this one, Kella?"
The fat woman laughed. "I can't rightly say, m'lord. I'm not one for telling them no."
"And all the local lads are grateful, I am quite sure."
"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man. … "How long will you be in residence?"
"As short a time as possible, Bryen, have no fear. Is the place habitable just now, would you say?"
"If we knew you was coming we would have laid down fresh rushes, m'lord," said the crone. "There's a dung fire burning."
"Nothing says home like the smell of burning dung." Petyr turned to Sansa. "Grisel was my wet nurse, but she keeps my castle now. Umfred's my steward, and Bryen—didn't I name you captain of the guard the last time I was here?"
"You did, my lord.…"
… Petyr gestured toward the fat woman. "Kella minds my vast herds. How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"

A gathering, and questions, questions, questions, as when Theon docks.
Recall that Bryen and Umfred come from shore to offload Sansa (who's just been promised a cup of wine to help with her upset "tummy") from the Merling King's rowboat:

The two old men waded out up to their thighs to lift Sansa from the boat so she would not get her skirts wet.

This reworks the "shorehands… off-loading… casks of wine" from a Tyroshi trader docked with the Myraham—

[Theon] spied a Tyroshi trading galley off-loading…
Shorehands rolled casks of wine off the Tyroshi trader, fisherfolk cried the day's catch, children ran and played. A priest in the seawater robes of the Drowned God was leading a pair of horses along the pebbled shore, while above him a slattern leaned out a window in the inn, calling out to some passing Ibbenese sailors.

—which itself prefigures the above-quoted off-loading of the Merling King (when "Oswell made two more trips out to the Merling King to offload provisions" including "several casks of wine", from which Petyr immediately "poured Sansa a cup, as promised").

Kella & The Slattern

What about that "slattern lean[ing] out a window" to greet "some passing… sailors" while "children ran and played"? I submit that she is one of several motifs from Theon's homecoming prefiguring Petyr's servant Kella. I'll explain.
Consider that Petyr's servant Kella has many bastards i.e. children, popping one out every few years:

"I don't know the child. Another of Kella's bastards, I suppose. She pops one out every few years."

We only see one; presumably the others are off somewhere, running and playing, perhaps.
Kella happily greets Petyr as he comes ashore, much as Lordsport's slattern "call[s] out to some passing Ibbenese sailors". Note that the sailors on the Merling King are likewise 'passing' — passing through:

"From here the King turns east for Braavos. Without us."

Consider most of all that Kella's something of a slattern herself: She's "not one for telling them no".

"I can't rightly say, m'lord. I'm not one for telling them no."
"And all the local lads are grateful, I am quite sure."

Indeed, something Lysa says pretty clearly codes Kella as a verbatim "slattern", underlining the recursion:

"How would you like to spend your life on that bleak shore, surrounded by slatterns and sheep pellets?" (ASOS Sansa VII)

So I think the vignette with the slattern and the children in Lordsport pretty plainly prefigures Kella. But I think she's prefigured by two more pieces of Theon's homecoming.

Kella & The Captain's Daughter

Keeping in mind that Kella has a bunch of bastards ("she pops one out every few years) and that she's "not one for telling them no", consider also that she is (a) literally 'with child' — or rather, with a child—

a girl of two or three with a sty on one eye

—that she's (b) "fat"—

"Who fathered this one, Kella?"
The fat woman laughed.

—and that she's (c) coded as a bit stupid:

"Kella minds my vast herds. How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"
She had to think a moment. "Three and twenty, m'lord. There was nine and twenty, but Bryen's dogs killed one and we butchered some others and salted down the meat."

All like Theon's "captain's daughter".
The captain's daughter is "plump", as Kella is "fat":

The girl was a shade plump for his taste…

She is likely pregnant with Theon's bastard, a la Kella the bastard-popper.
She tells Theon…

"You can put it in me again, if it please you…"

…and accedes to his request for a blowjob, so she's "not one for telling them no."
She thereby helps Theon 'pop one off', a la Kella "pop[ping] one out".
Like Kella, she seems a bit stupid:

She looked rather stupid when she smiled, but he had never required a woman to be clever.
The stupid girl did not seem to be listening.
She… learned quickly for such a stupid girl….
She looked at him stupidly, so he left her there.

And finally, she offers to work in Theon's castle—

I'd work in your castle, milord.

—just as Kella works for Petyr.

Kella: The Spreading Patch of the Smallest Finger?

Besides the "slattern" and the captain's daughter, I suspect Kella may also riff on — of all things — the "spreading patches" of "lichen" on "wet" Pyke as Theon sails by:

[Pyke was] wet by the same salt waves, festooned with the same spreading patches of dark green lichen, speckled by the droppings of the same seabirds.

Get it? A spreading 'patch'? In combination with "lichen" a la "licking" and Pyke being "wet"? And not just wet, but "wet by… salt waves", when as we know from the captain's daughter, semen tastes "salty", "like the sea". It's like Pyke is being described as a turned-on "slattern" with her legs spread.
A Hoare, we might say.
This connects to Kella, specifically because of her name: Kella is a near anagram for "kale", a dark green plant, like the "dark green lichen".
Actually, the name Kella may have anothere precursor in Theon's story: "Qalen", the maester Theon asks Helya about upon his arrival at Pyke:

"And what of Maester Qalen, where is he?"

Qalen would be pronounced Kalen. Qalen → Kalen → Kale → Kela → Kella. Anyway…

Grisel & The Captain's Daughter

Something similar is going on with Petyr's servant Grisel, the "thin old woman" who was his wet nurse but who "keeps [his] castle now":

"Grisel was my wet nurse, but she keeps my castle now.

Grisel is similarly prefigured by two people from Theon's homecoming, including first the captain's daughter who wants to work in Theon's castle as Grisel works in Petyr's "castle".
Consider first that Grisel, like the captain's daughter, seems slightly stupid (but eager to please), as she fails to grasp Petyr's sarcasm and takes his derisive joke about gulls' eggs and seaweed soup as an order:

"Ah, cold salt mutton. I must be home. When I break my fast on gulls' eggs and seaweed soup, I'll be certain of it."
"If you like, m'lord," said the old woman Grisel.
Lord Petyr made a face.

Then there is the captain daughter's resume:

"I'd work in your castle, milord. I can clean fish and bake bread and churn butter. Father says my peppercrab stew is the best he's ever tasted. You could find me a place in your kitchens and I could make you peppercrab stew."

This surely prefigures what we're told about Grisel making a sea-based soup of her own (i.e. the just mentioned "seaweed soup"), baking bread, and churning butter for Petyr:

Grisel reappeared before he could say more, balancing a large platter. She set it down between them. … The old woman had brought a round of bread as well, and a crock of butter.
Grisel climbed up to the bedchamber to serve the lord and lady a tray of morning bread, with butter, honey, fruit, and cream.

Where Grisel used to be Petyr's wet nurse, Theon suckles the captain daughter's nipple as if she's a wet nurse:

Theon's finger circled one heavy teat, spiraling in toward the fat brown nipple. … He took her nipple in his mouth….
"You can put it in me again, if it please you," she whispered in his ear as he sucked.

And finally, where Theon kisses the captain's daughter on the ear—

[Theon] drew the captain's daughter close and kissed her on her ear.

—Littlefinger kisses Grisel on the cheek:

Oswell and Lothor splashed their way ashore, as did Littlefinger himself. He gave the old woman a kiss on the cheek and grinned at the younger one.

Helya & Grisel (& Gretchel)

Grisel also rhymes with and reworks Helya, who keeps Balon's castle:

A bentback old crone in a shapeless grey dress approached him warily. "M'lord, I am sent to show you to chambers."
"And who are you?"
"Helya, who keeps this castle for your lord father."

Get it? "Helya and Grisel", a la "Hansel and Gretel".
(Gretel is a variant of "Greta". "Grisel" sounds like gristle, whereas in Hansel and Gretel the witch is trying to fatten Hansel up — she don't want no stringy meat! Note the thematic symmetry as well: By treating Hansel kindly and feeding him delicious treats, the witch is essentially "grooming" him for her own benefit/consumption, as Theon and Petyr groom the captain's daughter and Sansa, respectively, for their own benefit. Finally, note that "pebbles" are a key motif in Hansel and Gretel, prefiguring the proliferation of "pebbles" on Pyke, the 'rhyming' "pellets" on Petyr's Finger, and the isle of "Pebble" that leads to Petyr's Finger.)
The two "old" castle keepers neatly invert one another. Consider Grisel's comments about the old rushes and fire in Petyr's tower:

"If we knew you was coming we would have laid down fresh rushes, m'lord," said the crone. "There's a dung fire burning."
"Nothing says home like the smell of burning dung."

That's a recursive reversal of Helya's (lack of) preparation for Theon's visit: Where Grisel has a fire going even though she didn't know Petyr was coming, and where she proactively apologizes for not changing the rushes, telling him "we would have laid down fresh rushes… if we knew you were coming", Helya neither lit a fire nor changed the heavily foregrounded "old and brittle" rushes in the rooms Theon is given—

"I'll have a basin of hot water and a fire in this hearth," he told the crone. "See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill. And gods be good, get someone in here at once to change these rushes."

—despite having ample forewarning of his coming:

It was not as though they had no word of his arrival. Robb had sent ravens from Riverrun, and… Jason Mallister had sent his own birds to Pyke….

The joke is underlined by the introduction of "Gretchel" — Gretel with a borrowed H from Helya/Hansel — who fetches washbasins of water (which, see below), "la[ys] a fire in the hearth" and "tend[s] to the fire", brings food and discusses food storage in Petyr's Eyrie in AFFC Sansa I & Alayne I. (In other words, she 'keeps his castle.')

'Rhyming' Interiors

That's just the beginning of the reversals in the many recursions between Theon's lodgings at Pyke and Sansa's in the Drearfort.
Where Helya leads Theon to his rooms on his orders—

"Show me to my chambers, woman," he commanded. Bowing stiffly, [Helya] led him across the headland to the bridge. …
Whenever he'd imagined his homecoming, he had always pictured himself returning to the snug bedchamber in the Sea Tower, where he'd slept as a child. Instead the old woman led him to the Bloody Keep.

—it's Petyr who leads the way into his tower, casually inviting Grisel (and everyone else) to follow him:

"If you like, m'lord," said the old woman Grisel.
Lord Petyr made a face. "Come, let's see if my hall is as dreary as I recall." He led them up the strand…

Petyr jokes about his hall being "dreary", and perhaps it is, but while it's "small" and "even smaller" within, his tower is also home to his servants, and hence very well lived-in.

Within, the tower seemed even smaller. An open stone stair wound round the inside wall, from undercroft to roof. Each floor was but a single room. The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs. Above that was a modest hall, and higher still the bedchamber.

(Note that the "mastiff", which we see as Petyr leads Grisel in, recalls Helya bowing "stiffly" before leading Theon to his rooms.)
This sharply reverses the situation Theon finds at Pyke, when he's deposited not in a single room shared by a bunch of people who've lived in it forever and warmed by a hearth with a burning fire, a la Sansa, nor in the "snug bedchamber" in the Sea Tower he'd anticipated (which sounds like Littlefinger's little "tower" by the sea), but in the Bloody Keep, in a whole-ass "suite" of large but "chilly", even "cold" rooms with incredibly high ceilings — rooms which haven't even been opened, much less lived-in, for "years", and which are the very definition of "dreary":

The halls here were larger and better furnished, if no less cold nor damp. Theon was given a suite of chilly rooms with ceilings so high that they were lost in gloom. [Omitted but see below.]
[Omitted but see below.] It was not fear of ghosts that made him glance about with distaste. The wall hangings were green with mildew, the mattress musty-smelling and sagging, the rushes old and brittle. Years had come and gone since these chambers had last been opened. The damp went bone deep. "I'll have a basin of hot water and a fire in this hearth," he told the crone. See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill. And gods be good, get someone in here at once to change these rushes."

A ton of the motifs here (including the omitted stuff, which I'll return to) get recycled and reworked in Petyr's tower.
Most obviously, Theon's request for hot water prefigures Sansa's request for a hot bath:

"Might I have a hot bath as well?" asked Sansa.
"I'll have Kella draw some water, m'lady."

Note that Kella fulfills the request, not Grisel. This 'fits', as it's not Helya who brings Theon's water, but "two thralls".
Note also that Sansa requests her bath after thinking…

She desperately needed a bath and a change of clothes.

…whereas Theon changes his clothes immediately after the quoted passages.
Slightly less obviously, the "wall hangings [that] were green with mildew" are reworked by Petyr's own green 'wall hanging': his grandfather's shield, which is painted with a "light green field" and which "hung… above the hearth". The "mildew" is reworked by the fact that the paint is "cracked and flaking" i.e. flawed. And maybe also by the "light green field", since a field grows crops which get milled and which get dewy.

Brittle Bryen's Brigantine, Brindled Mastiff, & Old Blind Dog

As mentioned, the motif of unchanged rushes from Theon's homecoming recurs when Petyr comes home. But Petyr's homecoming also lexically riffs on Theon's rushes being quote-unquote "old and brittle" by giving us Bryen in "brigantine" who is very "old" but not, seemingly, brittle, as he still walks watches, not with his "old blind dog", but with a "brindled mastiff":

"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man. He looked to be at least eighty, but he wore a studded brigantine and a longsword at his side. …
"Bryen—didn't I name you captain of the guard the last time I was here?"
"You did, my lord. You said you'd be getting some more men too, but you never did. Me and the dogs stand all the watches."
Sansa found Bryen's old blind dog in her little alcove beneath the steps…
The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs.

Is the brindled dog a "mastiff" 'only' a wink at Theon going mast-stiff for Asha? (See Part 4.) Maybe. But it's worth mentioning that when Theon is first being stirred by Pyke's banner and it's being battered about like the shield we see in the Drearfort three sentences after the mastiff, it's also (a) flying from a very stiff "mast" and (b) juxtaposed with a very large 'dog' of sorts:

The banner streamed from an iron mast, shivering and twisting as the wind gusted like a bird struggling to take flight. And here at least the direwolf of Stark did not fly above, casting its shadow down upon the Greyjoy kraken.

Musty Old Mattresses

The old, "musty-smelling and sagging" mattress (in the chamber that has just been re-opened after long periods of being closed and uninhabited) from Theon's homecoming is answered in Petyr's homecomiong by Lysa, who arrives a few pages later in the chapter, eager to finally have sex again with Petyr. "Mattress" is slang for a sexually available woman (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mattress) and Lysa sags—

Lady Lysa was two years younger than Mother, but this woman looked ten years older. Thick auburn tresses fell down past her waist, but beneath the costly velvet gown and jeweled bodice her body sagged and bulged.

—and smells stale. (Note that Lysa is on a mattress here.)

Her aunt was drenched in sweet scent, though under that was a sour milky smell. Her cheek tasted of paint and powder.

Lysa's "cheek tast[ing] of paint and powder" riffs on the line about Theon's "distaste" and "fear of ghosts":

It was not fear of ghosts that made him glance about with distaste.

The distaste wordplay is obvious: Lysa tastes bad. As for the "fear of ghosts", Lysa (whom Sansa fears) being covered in "powder" reminds us of Sansa being afraid of a "spirit" covered in powdery flour:

When the spirit stepped out of the open tomb, pale white and moaning for blood, Sansa ran shrieking for the stairs…. Arya stood her ground and gave the spirit a punch. It was only Jon, covered with flour. (AGOT Arya IV)

This line—

The halls here were larger and better furnished, if no less cold nor damp.

—is reworked by Lysa as well, who is big and well-dressed ("better furnished", so to speak)—

[B]eneath the costly velvet gown and jeweled bodice her body sagged and bulged. Her face was pink and painted, her breasts heavy, her limbs thick. She was taller than Littlefinger, and heavier; nor did she show any grace in the clumsy way she climbed down off her horse.

—but cold to Sansa and horny/wet/"damp" for Petyr.
Given that Theon's rooms are in several ways like Lysa (newly 'open for business' after a long period of being closed and untouched by men, etc.), and pronouncing aunt like antler, we also might say that where the Lysa-like rooms are "cold" and "damp", Lysa herself is Sansa's "cold" aunt. Rhyming 'rhyming'.
That "years had come and gone since" the room with the Lysa-like mattress "had last been opened" is reworked not just by Lysa getting laid, but textually when Sansa is told Lysa is coming to the Drearfort (where she is 're-opened', so to speak):

It had been years since Sansa last saw her mother's sister…"

I wonder whether Lysa crying and speaking to Sansa of being "bound by blood" to her—

Tears welled suddenly in Lady Lysa's eyes. "We are women alone now, you and I. Are you afraid, child? Be brave. I would never turn away Cat's daughter. We are bound by blood."

—might not be in part a play on the fact that "the damp went bone deep" in the Bloody Keep. By saying that, Sansa's damp (i.e. crying) aunt "went bone deep", so to speak. (If you're "bound by blood" to someone, you have a "bone deep" bond with them. Also, bone → bound wordplay?)

Braziers → Bracing?

Did Theon's attempt to drive away "the chill" and damp of the salty sea air of Pyke using "braziers"—

See that they light braziers in the other rooms to drive out some of the chill.

—inform (via wordplay: braziers → bracing) Petyr's line when the Merling King pulls up to the Drearfort?

Lord Petyr came up beside her, cheerful as ever. "Good morrow. The salt air is bracing, don't you think? It always sharpens my appetite."

And/or is that "sharpening" motif a recursion of Theon sharpening his dirk immediately after said braziers are lit?

After some time, they brought the hot water he had asked for. … While two thralls lit his braziers, Theon stripped off his travel-stained clothing and dressed to meet his father. … He hung a dirk at one hip and a longsword at the other…. Drawing the dirk, he … pulled a whetstone from his belt pouch, and gave it a few licks. He prided himself on keeping his weapons sharp.

Gods Be Good!

The motifs of Theon yelling "gods be good" at his servant and of "ceilings so high that they were lost in gloom" are recursively reworked when Lysa summons Sansa (like a servant) to speak with her the morning after she weds Petyr. Sansa responds to the summons by thinking, verbatim, "gods be good", and is then told they'll be heading to the Eyrie, which we know is "so high you can stand on the parapets and look down on the clouds", i.e. it has parapets 'so high that they were lost in the clouds':

Lady Lysa was still abed [like a good mattress!], but Lord Petyr was up and dressed. "Your aunt wishes to speak with you," he told Sansa, as he pulled on a boot. "I've told her who you are."
Gods be good. "I . . . I thank you, my lord."
Petyr yanked on the other boot. "I've had about as much home as I can stomach. We'll leave for the Eyrie this afternoon."
Seven towers, Ned had told her, like white daggers thrust into the belly of the sky, so high you can stand on the parapets and look down on the clouds. (AGOT Catelyn VI)

The notion of a "ceiling" so high it is lost in gloom is perhaps also reworked by the story Lysa tells Sansa about Petyr's "rise" to power: She says she "always knew how high [Petyr would] rise", and it's my belief that said rise has likely seen him 'lost', spiritually, in 'darkness'. (Note that ceilings are a frequently invoked metaphor when talking about climbing the corporate ladder.)

"Half his teeth were gone, and his breath smelled like bad cheese. I cannot abide a man with foul breath. Petyr's breath is always fresh . . . he was the first man I ever kissed, you know. My father said he was too lowborn, but I knew how high he'd rise. Jon gave him the customs for Gulltown to please me, but when he increased the incomes tenfold my lord husband saw how clever he was and gave him other appointments, even brought him to King's Landing to be master of coin. That was hard, to see him every day and still be wed to that old cold man.

(Recall that the motif of bad/fresh breath there reworks the "winey stench of the old man's [Sylas Sourmouth's] breath", which Theon thinks about roughly ¼ page prior to being shown his suite in the Bloody Keep.)

Butchered Sons & Brothers

Lysa continues to rant:

"Jon did his duty in the bedchamber, but he could no more give me pleasure than he could give me children. His seed was old and weak. All my babies died but Robert, three girls and two boys. All my sweet little babies dead, and that old man just went on and on with his stinking breath. So you see, I have suffered too." Lady Lysa sniffed. "You do know that your poor mother is dead?"
"Tyrion told me," said Sansa. "He said the Freys murdered her at The Twins, with Robb."

Those references to (a) a bunch of dead "babies", including two brothers, one of which was "murdered" when Lysa's father, Hoster Tully, who ruled the Riverlands, betrayed Lysa's trust; and to (b) foul smelling breath, a la Sylas, and finally to (c) the Red Wedding — a bloody betrayal of Sansa's brother, who was King of the Riverlands — particularly (per Sansa saying "Tyrion told me") as it's described by Tyrion—

Sansa did not need to hear how her brother's body had been hacked and mutilated, he decided; nor how her mother's corpse had been dumped naked into the Green Fork in a savage mockery of House Tully's funeral customs. (ASOS Tyrion VII)

—are one of the ways ASOS Sansa VI rejiggers the part of Theon's description of his Bloody Keep suite I "[omitted]" earlier, which entails betrayals, murdered brothers, a River King, slaughter, and bodies "hacked to bits".

[Theon] might have been more impressed if he had not known that these were the very chambers that had given the Bloody Keep its name. A thousand years before, the sons of the River King had been slaughtered here, hacked to bits in their beds so that pieces of their bodies might be sent back to their father on the mainland.
But Greyjoys were not murdered in Pyke except once in a great while by their brothers, and his brothers were both dead.

Lysa's speech with its reference to her abortion and to the Red Wedding (and to stink-breath like Sylas's) isn't the only (or even the main) way Petyr's homecoming chapter refracts those images from Theon's homecoming, though.
Littlefinger is himself a kind of River King (as Lord Paramount of the Trident), right? And note that we read all about his "slaughtered" "sons" just before he enters the tower, wherein we then see the foul betrayers who murdered their 'brothers'. I'm talking, of course, about his sheep and his sheepdogs:

"How many sheep do I have at present, Kella?"
… "Three and twenty, m'lord. There was nine and twenty, but Bryen's dogs killed one and we butchered some others and salted down the meat."
"Ah, cold salt mutton. I must be home.…" … "Come, let's see if my hall is as dreary as I recall." … A handful of sheep were wandering about the base of the flint tower…. …
Within, the tower seemed even smaller. An open stone stair wound round the inside wall, from undercroft to roof. Each floor was but a single room. The servants lived and slept in the kitchen at ground level, sharing the space with a huge brindled mastiff and a half-dozen sheep-dogs.

Note the kitchen, recalling that the Bloody Keep is paired with the Kitchen Keep as Theon first gazes on Pyke:

Farther out were the Kitchen Keep and the Bloody Keep, each on its own island.

Note, too, that the sheep are coded as Petyr's "sons", in a way (a la the "slaughtered… sons of the River King" Theon remembers in his Bloody Tower rooms), and not just because he owns them. He says that Kella has lots of bastards and that she minds his sheep, right? And what else does he say of Kella, in jest? That she 'is' the "mother" of his "daughter," "Alayne Stone":

"Alayne . . . Stone, would it be?" When he nodded, she said, "But who is my mother?"
"Kella?"
"Please no," she said, mortified.
"I was teasing.

The joke foregrounds the notion of Petyr as the father of Kella's children. And while she supposedly has a bunch of bastards, we don't see them. We just see the one girl with the livestock-evoking eye with a sty. It's almost like the sheep she looks after are her children. And thus like Petyr is their father.
(Note the word "mortified". This points straight back to Theon in his Bloody Tower for two reasons: First, greyscale, which mortifies the flesh, killed Balon's brother Harlon, who died "in a windowless tower room" at Pyke. Second: Theon will, in his next chapter, be truly mortified by the realization that "Esgred" is his sister Asha, where that masquerade in turn prefigures Sansa masquerading as Alayne.)
So the "cold" Bloody Keep with its partner the Kitchen Keep and its story of a "slaughter", betrayal, brother killing brother, a River King's sons' bodies "hacked to bits in their beds" — all these motifs are reworked by Kella's account of one of Lord Paramount Petyr's sheep-'sons' being killed by its lexicial 'brothers', the very "sheep-dogs" who were supposed to guard it, and of other sheep-'sons' being verbatim "butchered", i.e. slaughtered on a killing bed and in the process surely hacked into pieces that were then preserved against spoilage for future consumption, such that the resulting "cold salt mutton" could be used as travel rations. Which jibes with Theon's language, creatively interpreted:

[T]he sons of the River King had been slaughtered here, hacked to bits in their beds so that pieces of their bodies might be sent back to their father on the mainland.

(They were slaughtered and hacked to bits only so as to properly preserve them against spoilage during their upcoming journey "back to their father on the mainland", you see!)

Theon's Honor Guard

The conditions in Theon's rooms are consistent with the cold welcome he receives, both from Aeron—

The priest's manner was chilly, most unlike the man Theon remembered.

—and Balon—

Theon pulled off his gloves. "… Why is my father not here to greet me?"
"He awaits you in the Sea Tower, m'lord. When you are rested from your trip."
And I thought Ned Stark cold.

—and they're thus part of a broad yin/yang 'rhyme' with Petyr's initial homecoming, which is warm and welcoming and full of familiar faces, whereas Theon knows no one, such that he thinks:

It is as if I were a stranger here….

The reversal is wryly underlined when Petyr is greeted at the shore by his "captain of the guards", Bryen:

"It is good to have you home, my lord," said one old man.

Thus Petyr ironically gets the "honor guard" welcome Theon hoped he'd get on his arrival 'home':

[Theon] saw… no honor guard waiting to escort him from Lordsport to Pyke, only smallfolk going about their small business.

Notice that where no one stops what they're doing for Theon, everyone stops when Petyr arrives. And of course, everyone in his household recognizes him, whereas no one recognizes Theon. Which is telling, because in a deep sense, that's all Theon really wants, deep down: a little recognition.
Littlefinger has it… but it's not enough.

(SUB)SERIES CONCLUDES IN PART 10: Oswell & Aeron; Lothar & Dagmer; The Closing Twist

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