Mike rowe on last man standing

In many ways, I would describe myself as a fan that "knows everything yet knows nothing". I found out about BABYMETAL through reaction videos on Youtube in early 2020, and although I soon devoured all the concert footage and interviews and stories about them that I could find, I had never been blessed with the opportunity to experience them live until yesterday night in Taipei.
Before the concert, I had "followed" the 2023 Sabaton concerts and earlier Asia shows in real time, constantly checking Discord to see which songs were on the setlist, and if there was anything new or surprising. I would get excited when surprising songs like "Shanti Shanti Shanti" were announced, and hyped to see some new bangers like "Maya".
When you're at the show though, none of that matters. I paradoxically cared about the setlist more as a spectator on the internet, than when I was there in the moment experiencing it. Performed live, every song is a banger, and every song they select is the right one.
Su famously says "Don't Think, Feel" when it comes to BABYMETAL, and she's absolutely right. This idea felt somewhat abstract to me before last night, but afterwards, I truly understood what she was saying. BABYMETAL is often described as a "theatrical" performance. There are various different elements of "theater" that typically come to mind when most people use the word - acting, facial expressions, creating a sense of story and lore, suspension of disbelief, etc.
But there's something else that's a crucial part of theater - it doesn't last. It's there, and then it's gone.
Unlike movies or other forms of visual storytelling, theater performances typically are a "one-time" thing. Sure, a theater troupe might perform the same play multiple times, but each performance is unique. This is in contrast to a movie, which will always be exactly the same. Perhaps you might observe something you overlooked before, or feel differently about it at different times. But the movie itself is static and permanent, whereas every night of "Romeo and Juliet" performed 7 nights in a row is different. The slight differences in inflection, the facial expressions, the emphasis, the little mistakes... the show that you saw today is simply not identical to the show your friend saw yesterday.
This is something that affects both the actors and audience alike, and a big part of what makes theater special - when you know that it's a fleeting experience; that what you see will never be 100% replicated again (recordings are but a limited view), it primes you to focus on "feeling" and "experiencing" the show, savoring each moment for what it is because there's no time to think about it - every moment is passing you by, every second and minute. That moment Moa flashes a ridiculously charming grin, and when your eyes seem to meet, it's as if she's looking right at you and no one else in the world? Cherish that moment, because it was there, and now it isn't.
To be clear, I have nothing against people recording concerts on their phones and taking photos (as long as they're not overly obstructing the view) to share the experience as best they can, and try and preserve memories for themselves and the fanbase. But for my very first show, I decided to (perhaps selfishly) simply soak it all in and bask in the BABYMETAL experience without taking a single fancam video, and that's what helped me enjoy the show to its fullest. (I would note that it seemed there were generally fewer phones out at all times, in contrast to some European or American shows I've seen, and it generally didn't affect the viewing experience at all for me)
In a sense, all the "book-knowledge" I possessed about BABYMETAL and their songs made it easier for me to "Feel" and not "Think". I already knew when I was "supposed" to raise my fists, when to chant, and when to mosh for each song. And that brings me to the first of several points about the concert that really came to mind (I don't plan on doing a full concert recap, as in a sense, the play-by-play isn't actually that different between each performance, but what you personally see and feel is what makes it unique):
1) The audience is an integral part of the show
This is also very much a "BABYMETAL cliche", but it's also absolutely true. I don't know what it is, but it almost feels like we're compelled to be an amazingly hype crowd because we don't want to let them down, almost like we're performing for them. I'd estimate that roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of the crowd may have been from Japan, and they obviously know exactly what the crowd "should" be doing. But the Taiwanese crowd was extremely in sync, constantly cheering and jumping and yelling at the right time, giving the girls further energy, leading to my next point:
2) Perfect combustion
BABYMETAL shows are understandably criticized as being too short. There certainly are ways to pad out the length fairly easily without adding to the physical workload of the members, such as adding Kami solos and some lore videos. But personally, I think the 70 minute pedal-to-the-metal non-stop performance is really exhilarating. Both the members and the audience alike give it everything they've got, spending every last bit of energy to burst past the finish line, and you go home wiped out and satisfied. Knowing that the show would be fairly short, I was able to jump and shout and run around to my heart's content, without feeling like I needed to preserve energy. And I think this is part of what makes the live experience so good; no one's phoning it in.
3) Great mix of old and new
I like the Asia setlist very much, and I think that for a concert participant, it was extremely well-structured. For the older songs from the first album, there was a lot of crowd interaction and chanting, which is always fun. But I don't think it would be the best idea to do this for the entire show - by mixing in newer songs that had fewer sections where we felt "obligated" to do various chants and fist-pumping, the new songs from THE OTHER ONE provided a great opportunity to just stand there in awe and enjoy the music and new complex crisp choreography, before another hype classic begins and you start running around again.
4) Kami Masks
The three members were absolutely mesmerizing. Honestly, I feel that even if the Kamis weren't wearing masks, I would still be looking at Su, Moa, and Momo the entire time; I didn't want to miss a single mischievous smirk from Moa, a habitual tongue blep from Su, and the ball of energy that Momo has become. Obviously others that are more fans of the musicians will feel differently, and perhaps I would as well if I had the chance to go to multiple shows and had the luxury of "wasting" my limited (precious) attention on the Kamis, great as they are. On a related note, I saw Barone walking around the venue a few hours before the show (probably getting some refreshments or something) and it seems like absolutely no one recognized one, w hich is probably exactly what they prefer before a show.
and lastly...
5) Moa and Momo (and Yui before) are magical
I've always believed that BABYMETAL would have been quite successful even if it had been a more traditional rock/metal band with Su as a solo frontwoman. However, it was the "scream and dance" roles that really elevated BABYMETAL from "great" to "legendary". Moa/Momo/(Yui) really do have a way of making the show feel personal, in a way that can't be captured fully on camera. If I were only allowed to pick one thing when it comes to describing the difference between seeing them in person and on a Blu-ray, it would be the little details of Moa/Momo's crowd interaction. The way I see it, Su makes you want to bow down, but Moa/Momo/(Yui) are what make you want to love them. It's a perfect combination.
Random notes I found interesting/amusing
There were several people wearing frog costumes (I counted 4), I'm sure Su got a kick out of that!
During "Megitsune" it seemed that Su was having some earpiece(?) issues; she seemed to be gesturing several times for adjustment, and dashed off the stage immediately after the song was over, and there was a longer pause than usual before the next song "Iine!" began as they resolved the problem. On a related note, Su sounded amazingly good live, with very few pitch issues compared to what I've heard in fancams. I don't know if that's confirmation bias from being at the show, but I think it's fair to say that phone microphones aren't entirely reliable for capturing what you actually hear at the venue.
Earplugs, oh lord earplugs are needed. I was near the barrier in front of the "Moa" side and it felt like I was getting directly blasted by the sound (and the drums/bass in particular). But I heard from some fans in other parts of the floor that the sound was muffled or quiet at places, so I think where you were standing made quite a big difference. At any rate, protect your hearing, people! If I hadn't been wearing earplugs, I definitely could have permanently damaged my hearing; it's not worth it to go without.
All in all, 10/10, would do again.

FYI, this is a story COLLECTION. Lots of standalones technically. So, you can basically start to read at any chapter, no pre-read of the other chapters needed technically (other than maybe getting better descriptions of characters than: Adam Vir=human, Krill=antlike alien, Sunny=tall alien, Conn=telepathic alien). The numbers are (mostly) only for organization of posts and continuity.
OC Written by Charlie Stastarrfallknightrise,
Typed up and then posted here by me.
Proofreading and language check for some chapters by u/Finbar9800
Future Lore and fact check done by me.
Damn! The last LFIL chapter a while ago had a pretty legendary photograph moment, but this one tops it by far!
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
"Please everyone, calm yourselves. The Galactic Assembly is addressing the issue as we speak."
The crowd roiled and churned like the bubbles in a pot of boiling water. Flags waved and voices rose high into the air.
The chanting increased in fervor.
"Please!"
The Rundi struggled to raise his voice high enough to be heard over the crowd, who only grew with strength and intensity.
Commander Vir keyed his mic,
"Delta units to the GA side of the crowd, some of these protesters are looking extremely agitated. Let's make sure they don't do anything we're all going to regret.”
He stood with his back to the GA chambers, its wide arching courtyard devoid of life, except for those unfortunate Rundi ordered to carry messages from one side of the compound to the other, otherwise they tried to keep their distance from the front facade of the building and the churning mass of protesters.
White flags waved and fluttered.
Commander Vir held the energy shield with one arm, pressing it back firmly against the crowd, so they could not pass the dedicated marking point.
"Commander, the crowd over here is getting violent."
He grimaced and reached a hand down to open the line,
"Stun them and let them calm down, do NOT catch anyone else in the crossfire. We do not want this escalating."
"Yes sir."
Something pushed against his shield and he grunted, pushing back.
The white bandanna on his arm was pressed against the clear blue force field and helped to at least confuse the crowd before them.
And luckily, they would be kept too confused to get violent.
The aliens among the human protesters helped as well.
If this was on earth, things would have broken out into a riot by now, but the Drev the Tesraki and the Finnari tended to be more levelheaded when it came to these kinds of things, and they managed to reign in their humans from doing something stupid.
He closed his eyes tight for a second, praying that the GA would rethink their position.
It hurt him to watch these people struggle like this.
It just felt so strange that anyone should be here in the first place.
Beside him, Sunny had taken control of two young humans who were getting a bit more than rowdy,
"Let’s keep this a protest, and not a riot."
She growled, giving them a look that would have made anyone quell in their boots. It sort of made him half smile, Sunny was such a badass, he wanted to be more like her when he eventually grew up.
His thoughts were cut off, as the crowd churned a bit, pressing into his shield.
He keyed his mic again, prepared to go over the loudspeaker and tell them that if they didn't calm down he was going to turn this protest into a mass nap time.
He had the power to do that if things got out of hand, though he honestly didn't want to.
The GA needed to see this.
He was so preoccupied with the crowd, that he barely noticed as the Rundi ran up from the inside of the compound, flying forward on its long spindly legs.
It stopped by the first Rundi to say something, and the conversation that passed between them didn't look particularly encouraging.
HIs heart sank into his stomach.
He felt... Surprisingly disappointed, very sad for all those people who were going to get their day ruined.
The Rundi waffled around at the front of the crowd for a bit before turning and looking over to where he stood.
Oh great.
The Rundi walked over, and he backed off from the crowd, allowing Sunny to take a step in his place with her shield at the ready.
The people looked as if they were about to start something, but seeing her expression, they decided not to.
He dropped his shield and lowered his head to hear the Rundi over the roaring of the crowd.
"The GA is not budging."
The Rundi whispered,
"They are asking the protesters to leave."
Adam growled in frustration.
Behind him someone in the crowd pointed at him,
"They're saying no aren't they!?”
Others took up the call, and soon enough the rest of the crowd had been alerted. Adam was forced to run back to support Sunny, as everything suddenly grew more intense.
Fights were breaking out on the left and the right.
People were hitting the ground as the guards were forced to stun them.
That only agitated the rest of the crowd who also began to buck and fight.
Adam keyed the mic for real this time, filling the intervening space with his booming voice,
”ALL OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF RIGHT NOW OR I WILL STUN YOU ALL."
The aggression in the crowd died down, though the anger remained sizzling at the surface.
Overhead clouds passed over the sun, before him the crowd roared like a wave, and behind him the GA council chambers were as silent as a ghost town.
"LISTEN, QUIET DOWN ALL OF YOU."
It sort of felt as if he was floating.
The world around him hardly seemed real though that was not the best way to explain it.
The crowd died down a bit,
"You may not understand this! And I have said it before, but these are not humans. Protests don't work on them. When they see a group of angry humans, they get scared and when they get scared, they double down even further. I know it does not make any sense to you NOT to protest for what you believe in, but if you are going to do this, you MUST remain civil. Even now the GA is frightened by you. They don't believe you are rational, and they are not going to listen to you if this keeps up."
The crowd had quieted down to a milling sort of confusion.
"Then what should we do!"*
The shouting came from somewhere and in anger, though he couldn't pinpoint the source.
In frustration he nudged Sunny, and she allowed him to climb on her back as he had before.
The crowd could see him now, and he could see them for the most part.
He waved them down trying to cut off the others who had taken up the chant.
"I understand what you are trying to do, and I support your efforts, but you are only hurting ourselves. The GA can only be won by rational discussion."
"The GA won't see any of our representatives. They are debating only on their own facts and opinions."
One of the crowd's people snarled. The call was echoed and Adam stared at them in shock,
"Wait what!? Are you serious?”
There was a muttering throughout the crowd.
"For fuck's sake."
He muttered under his breath,
"The Rudi think none of us are high ranking enough to be allowed into the council chambers, and none of the representatives will take up our cause. The human ambassador thinks we are disgusting, so she won't do anything and says she won’t represent our minority."
The muttering through the crowd grew louder.
Adam looked around, head turning to see all the angry faces, blushed with red, or streaked with tears.
These people were frustrated, and hurt, and he understood why.
This wasn't right!
He closed his eyes again and took another deep breath.
What was he thinking!?
He stepped down from Sunny's back and walked over to one of the protestors in the front row, pointing to his large flag on a pole that was about eight feet tall.
"May I borrow your flag?"
The protester stared on at him in confusion,
"What, why?"
"Because, I am going to give you the representative you need."
[…]
Commander Vir and Sunny walked alone down the length of the GA outer courtyard.
A billowing white flag streamed lazily over his head, suspended there by way of the pole which rested heavily on his shoulder. The white of the fabric had been marred now by many colors as hundreds of rushed signatures had been scrawled on its face.
He was armed with the backing of a thousand protesters, a hundred signatures, and more than a few dozen stories.
Sunny turned her head to look at him, and he fancied that maybe he saw an expression of pride in her eyes, though she didn't say much except,
"Pretty brave."
He didn't feel very brave, and as they walked through the front doors of the GA atrium, his hand was shaking against the cold metal of the flagpole.
He was stopped by a pair of Rundi guards on his way into the chamber, but was let in after they recognized who he was.
He could hear voices up ahead, and the sounds of the protest going on outside had all but died away,
"They have proven that they cannot be civil, and based on the humanizing effect, we can assume they will do similar things to any non-human lifeform that they encounter."
"I may not agree with their decision counselor, but that sounds like your prejudice against humans is seeping through."
There was an uproar in the council chamber.
He paused for a moment, staying with Sunny just out of line of sight and took a deep breath.
She lay a hand on his shoulder.
"Here goes nothing."
He muttered, before stepping his way out onto the GA floor.
At first no one noticed his presence as he made his slow way into the center of the circle, but his large, white flag soon changed that.
The council chambers went silent.
The chairwoman stood,
"Commander, what are you doing here. Shouldn't you be taking care of the protesters?”
His lips drew into a thing line,
"With all due respect councilwoman, I am."
He rammed the flagpole against the stone, sending a loud cracking sound out and around the wide atrium silencing the council,
"I have been made aware that you refuse to see their representatives based on a ranking issue, well I assume my rank is high enough."
The Human rep leaned forward,
"Commander, this is not your place!”
He shot her a look,
"Then whose place is it counselor? I heard a certain democratic counselor refuses to speak for them because they are and I quote “a too small and insignificant minority”…”
He turned his head in a wide arc at the watching crowd,
"Counselors, you have known me, longer than you have known any human currently in this galaxy. You understand that I know your rules and your customs. You understand that I have only ever striven to protect and uphold the GA and the planet's it encompasses. I have thwarted wars, signed treaties, and broken my own body for your best interests."
There was silence about the room.
"Will you let me speak now, with the understanding that my loyalty has never wavered from you, and never will?”
The silence continued.
Aliens understood the power of human loyalty.
Or at least they should…
The chairwoman took a seat,
"Very well, commander."
He lifted his head, feeling his heart slow as he took a few deep breaths. There was a muscle in his face that had begun to twitch, like it always did if he was extremely angry or nervous, but he held it down,
"I understand you are frightened, and I understand that you are confused, but I want you to know first of all that those people outside are good average people. They don't mean you any harm. They are hurting, and they are afraid for themselves, and they are trying to get your attention. Historically, humanity has used protests to right the injustices of government to combat prejudices brought on by one's sex or the color of their skin. You must understand that they see this as an impingement on their happiness and a decision made out of line."
There was a murmur around the room.
"So, I ask you now, that I may, perhaps, answer your questions and ease your worries. Why are you so against them?"
"It's unnatural."
It was the Bran representative that had spoken, and he did it quite emphatically.
"Why?"
The commander asked,
"Because they aren't even the same species."
"So?"
The Bran seemed caught off guard,
"They... It's not natural. They can't reproduce, so it isn't... A thing that should be done."
The commander shrugged,
"So if one can't reproduce then they aren't natural? I see a couple issues in that logic relating to prejudices against people with infertility."
There was a murmur around the room.
"So, they can't reproduce, so what? You know who we can reproduce with though... Adaptids."
There was a sort of hushed exclamation form around the room.
The commander shrugged,
"They can't have kids.... Hardly a good enough argument to bring to the floor of a government discussion."
"What he is trying to say is that this practice equates itself to bestiality. It is utterly disguting!"
It was the human representative this time, and she stared at him with her eyes narrowed in anger.
He kept his cool, though he very much did not like her.
"That is absolutely disgusting and wildly insulting of you because that implies that one or both parties are no better than animals, beasts as you will."
The room was silent,
"So which one is it, are humans animals, counselor, are the Finnari or the Rundi animals?"
He turned to the Drev counselor,
"Are the Drev just dumb animals that have no understanding, and no decision making abilities?”
The Drev representative stood, angrily cracking his spear against the stone,
"We are most certainly not!"
The commander held up his hands,
"Then what is so bestial about it? Bestiality is absolutely disgusting because you are taking advantages of a creature that can neither understand nor protect itself from what you are doing. It cannot say yes, and it cannot say no. It has no greater understanding than that of a child, and so cannot make its own decisions."
He looked towards the Finnari representative,
"Tell me counselor, is your species a species of children, with no greater concept of their own decision making?”
"Of course not. Why would you even imply such a thing!?”
"I imply nothing, counselor. This is what YOU imply with your decision. So far we have established that all parties are intelligent consenting creatures, and none of you have managed to give me an actually good reason for banning the practice."
The floor was growing more agitated.
"They will be a poor example for the rest of the galaxy. If we make it legal others will surely follow."
Adam turned his eyes on the speaker, an Iotin,
"You're worried that they are going to turn the rest of the galaxy extrial?"
He laughed,
"That is a poor argument which is not only selfish, but foolish. People should be allowed to make their own decisions. And assuming you are right, what then? Oh no... There are a few more extrials... And it does... What exactly?"
He turned in a wide circle,
"If you are worried about population growth or in this case population falloff due to this issue then you should be reminded that extrials comprise a percentage of the human population so small that I could fit the greater majority of them on my ship comfortably. This occurrence is not common, and even if the numbers were to rise, it would not be of enough significance to cause issues."
His heart was hammering hard inside his chest. He felt like he was doing alright, but that might mean nothing.
"In any event, these relationships do not affect the vast majority of the galaxy. Humans cannot be with the Bran or the Rundi due to the water we shed from our skin. The Gromm and the Iotins are out for similar reasons. Vrul and Gibb are incapable of having feelings for humans in that way as far as we know, and both the Tvek and the Celzex are too different from humans for either party to be interested."
He walked around in a circle, allowing the flag to trail behind him,
"Furthermore, the humanization phenomenon happens with or without romantic intent, and as it is, its mention is more a mark of prejudice on humans than it is an argument against the two groups being together."
He left the floor open for a little while, as the council muttered with each other.
Finally, the Drev representative stood,
"My species culture and our way of life has been upturned by the GA. I fear relationships with humans will result in the loss of our culture. We have already strayed far from what we originally were. We are hardly recognizable as Drev anymore."
The commander let his voice soften,
"I understand that the Drev have lost a lot in joining this..."
Sunny held up a hand, and in surprise he was cut off.
She took the floor,
"Your Glory…"
She said bowing her head,
"If you would have truly upheld those ideals, you would not be sitting on this council."
The Drev pulled back in surprise at her words,
"Yes, we lost a lot in joining the GA, and after the war, but I would argue that some of that was for good. Before the GA people like me, with perceived imperfection were cast into the fire and perceived as no better than animals. This practice still takes place on our planet, where these traditions are still alive and well."
Her words made the room shift nervously,
"However, culture changes and adapts, and it must to survive. We changed in order to live among the GA. We found other alternatives to fighting that still maintain our honor and our prowess in war, and this includes the sports that the humans have brought to us. Furthermore, the vast majority of the Drev I see who are with humans are those of us who would not be accepted by our own kind, perceived as ugly or malformed. If this is the case then your traditions remain sound, and those like me are removed from the mating population."
The counselor almost looked ashamed at her words, turning his head away so as not to look her in the eyes.
"As far as a change of culture goes, it was bound to happen, and it seems you are more worried about change than you actually are about human Drev relationships."
She went quiet, and Adam nodded to her taking the floor again.
A Finnari counselor stood,
"I am simply worried about our birth rate. The Finnari were farmed by the Gnarlak for many years, and we are only now replenishing our population."
"I don't think you need to worry. The amount of actual relationships is so small that it will not affect the Finnari population in any significant manner."
The representative sat back down with no real argument to combat him.
The chairwoman stood,
"Your arguments have been heard commander, though, what the others do not mention is the issue of disease. We have seen a great increase of illness transmissible from humans to non humans and-"
"I hate to cut you off chairwoman, but that is NOT related to interspecies relationships, but instead has another simple explanation: the rise in human tourism."
She paused,
"Explain."
"You all know very well that humans are not allowed to leave their planet unless they are tested for all communicable non-treatable diseases. This means that those of us that you see here cannot physically pass our diseases off onto other people, except for the germs that are found naturally on our skin. In this case these issues did not stem from relationships at all, but poor vaccination, the poor regulation of tourism, and allowing aliens to travel onto earth where infected humans are located and not testing them as they leave."
He looked on at them pleadingly,
"You see. You don't even have problems with them, but you are using them as a real scapegoat for the actual issues. And I am here to tell you that, in fact you are causing more problems by banning this! The more you push, the harder they will push back, and eventually someone is going to get hurt, because they are not allowed to be together legally, they do it illegally, and because they do it illegally, they end up in dangerous places exposed to greater rates of crime. They get hurt, and they get involved in things they would otherwise not have gotten involved in if you had not banned it. Just look at Noctoplis. It has the highest rate of extrials living there and the lowest policing force and the most corrupted system. There are no legitimate jobs there, so we see an influx of crime by desperate people who won't be accepted anywhere else. Not to mention that it increased the depression rates, which increases suicide rates. Your laws have ostracized them, forced them to become criminals, and turned many of them to think that killing themselves is better than living in a world where they are seen as disgusting when they don't actually do any real harm."
He had to take a deep breath,
"Earth has seen all of this before, and one way or another, eventually someone will see what I am trying to say."
He rested the flag on the floor beside him, feet planted at shoulder width.
"I hope that this rational conversation will allow a more open mind on the council. I encourage you to talk to their representatives. They are more rational and educated than I am, and they can give you hard facts and statistics. But please, they don't want to cause trouble, if you allow them to do as they will, you might find these problems going away for you."
The human representative clearly did not seem convinced, but he didn't expect to convince her, he expected to convince the others who were more afraid than they were prejudiced.
"It seems as if we have some other potential policies to discuss, commander."
The chairwoman said, tapping her fingers on the table before her.
"I have a suggestion, ma'am."
"And that is?"
"A temporary revocation on the ban, that way you can SEE what the universe will be like without it, and you can judge for yourself whether The ban does any good. You don't have to overturn the law just yet, but temporarily suspend it, that way you can re institute at any time. Then you will have concrete proof. You can do testing, and polls and whatever else, then you would know for sure."
His suggestion turned into a discussion, that dragged on for many minutes before the chairwoman raised her hand,
"It has been decided, all in favor of this temporary proposal please indicate."
The voting lights flashed above them.
Commander Vir waited with baited breath.
[…]
He walked from the venue, hours after he had entered, totally tired and exhausted.
The flag felt heavy in his hands and his boots thudded with exhaustion on the white marble below him.
Outside, the protest field was surprisingly silent, though he could still see their flags.
As he walked closer, he could see that the vast majority of the crowd was sitting down.
Their voices reached him from a distance at first, until he realized they were calmly singing with each other.
Waiting for his verdict.
Suddenly the first people from the crowd noticed the two silhouettes coming from the chambers towards them.
A lone man and Drev were walking from the building.
The man was wearing riot gear, a full helmet, a shield, and carrying their flag, resting against his right shoulder.
The group of them began to stand, rising to their feet and yelling.
Pointing in his direction.
They quieted as he got closer.
"What did they say!? What did they say!?”
He stayed quiet, holding a hand in the air to silence them.
He passed the flag to the original protester who looked on at him with such an expression of pleading that he felt his eyes tingle a bit with rising emotion.
He had to look away, boosting himself onto Sunny's back, keying his mic.
The crowd was silent.
A thousand eyes fixed on one human and one Drev.
"I spoke to the GA."
They waited on tenterhooks,
"And after a long debate, and a slim majority the GA have decided..."
Flags whipped in the wind,
"To temporarily revoke the ban on inter-species relationships until a-"
He didn't get to finish his sentence, drowned out by a powerful wave of noise and joy so overwhelming that he was nearly knocked backwards off his feet.
The crowd surged forward, and Sunny staggered as the group surrounded them, pressing inward and upwards.
Adam found himself on the ground on his feet, packed in by bodies enclosed by hundreds of pairs of arms, which slapped on the shoulder and the arm, as every person tried their best to get one hand on him.
The flag from earlier was ripped off its stand and pressed into his hands.
He was deafened by cheering and an outpouring of gratitude so profound he had simply never experienced such emotion.
He looked up at Sunny, pressed in with him by the enthusiastic crowd.
And she nodded her head in approval.
He grinned.
He had to admit.
This felt pretty good.
Though, weather it was all over was a question for another time.
Previous First [Next](link)
Want to find a specific one, see the whole list or check fanart?
Here is the link to the master-post.
Intro post by me
OC-whole collection
Patreon of the author
Thanks for reading! As you saw in the title, this is a cross posted story written by starrfallknightrise and I'll just upload some of it here for you guys, if you are interested and want to read ahead, the original story-collection can be found on tumblr or wattpad to read for free. (link above this text under "OC:..." ) It is the Empyrean Iris story collection by starfallknightrise. Also, if you want to know more about the story collection i made an intro post about it, so feel free to check that out to see what other great characters to look forward to! (Link also above this text). I have no affiliations to the author; just thought I’d share some of the great stories you might enjoy a lot!
Obviously, I have Charlie’s permission to post this and for the people already knowing the stories, or starting to read them: If you follow the link and check out the story you will see some differences. I made some small (non-artistic) changes, mainly correcting writing mistakes, pronoun correction and some small additional info here and there of things which were not thought of/forgotten or even were added/changed in later stories (like the “USS->UNSC” prefix of Stabby, Chalar=/->Sunny etc). As well as some "biggemajor" changes in descriptions and info’s for the same stringency/continuity reason. That can be explained by the story collection being, well a story collection at the start with many standalone-stories just starring the same people, but later on it gets more to a stringent storyline with backstories and throwbacks. (For example Adam Vir has some HEAVY scars over his body, following his bones, which were not really talked about up till half the collection, where it says it covers his whole body and you find out via backflash that he had them the whole time and how he got them, they just weren't mentioned before. However, I would think a doctor would at least see these scars before that, especially since he gets analyzed, treated and goes shirtless/in T-shirts in some stories). So TLDR: Writing and some descriptions are slightly changed, with full OK from the author, since he himself did not bother to correct these things before.

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"

The scene faded back in to a shot of some treetops, Sammy saying "Well, even though we didn't finish, I'm glad I didn't get targeted," as the camera panned down to the Rats walking through the woods. "It was bad enough watching Leshawna and DJ go through it."
"Girl, you can't let that stuff get to you," Leshawna told her, the two girls walking at the front of their team's pack. "Sure it's humiliating, but it'll pass in time. Besides, it's not like any of us would've held your secrets against you, not when my secret was revealed."
"I hadn't thought of that," Sammy said with a contemplative look.
"We can't let our fears control us. It'll just prevent us from achieving what we want to do," Sierra told her team while focusing on her phone. She tripped on a rock and landed on her face as a result.
Confessional: Sammy
"Back home, there's this girl who's basically the princess of my school," Sammy exclaimed. "She leaks out the students' personal secrets just to get even with them or simply be mean," she gulped, "and when one of my own secrets got posted, I was teased for a week."
"Thankfully, my friends didn't bother me about it and still continued to hang out with me."
Confessional Ends
The scene cut back to the Maggots, also walking through the woods together, and focused on Anne Maria and Katie at the middle of their pack.
"This is the longest I've ever gone without using an electronic," Katie droned. "How am I gonna talk to my viewers about my day and give them advice?"
"You don't need to be on a device 24/7," Anne Maria spoke to the girl.
"Easy for you to say," Katie said snottily. "You don't have to worry about vlogs since you focus on maintaining your hair."
"Ya think that's easy?" Anne Maria retorted calmly. "I have to work overtime at a diner just to buy all the hairspray that I can afford."
Confessional: Katie
"Maybe I could've been nicer there," Katie admitted, "but my subscribers can go down if I don't upload anything."
Confessional Ends
The shot cut ahead to Scarlett and Molly, the former looking like she's been listening to the conversation behind her. "Chris has created a disadvantage for us by taking away Katie's gadget right before the game!"
"True, but Chris thankfully had the decency to end the challenge before he could reveal any more of our embarrassments," Molly said.
"The host just thrives off our pain and suffering," Scarlett summarized.
"You can say that again," Molly told her. "Sociopathy is something that could be cured, but Chris is way long gone."
\
"Welcome, players!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker again, the camera cutting down to ground level to show the Rats meeting up with the Maggots again. "Now that you're all here, it's time for part two of today's challenge," the host continued, the shot zooming out to show all thirteen campers standing in some sort of wide field of mud with a wooden ramp leading up off-camera on the right.
"The 'Mad Skills Obstacle Course'," Chris announced, the shot cutting to him standing on some patch of grass.
"The relay race begins with a mad dash from the Kick Start," the shot cut to the wooden platform at the other end of the ramp, where an absurdly large rubber root was connected by wooden shaft and gear to a pole sticking up out of the platform. "Forget coffee," the host said as the boot swung squeakily back and forth in demonstration, "if this baby doesn't get you goin', nothin' will."
"Then it's off to the race against time that is the Cannonball Run," Chris said, the camera following his motion further onward to another stretch of wooden platform. Several cannons situated below suddenly blew gaping holes in it, and the shot zoomed out to show several more cannons hooked up to a scaffold over the platform and aimed downward.
"Over to my personal fave," the shot moved to the end of the platform where a log had been set up to rotate on its side, "Wrecking Ball Alley! Hurts so good," he said as the camera panned across and the titular wrecking ball swung down over the rolling log.
"And moving on," the shot cut next to a few higher, disconnected, and generally precarious platforms, "we head to the Gang Plank, complete with rabid mutant beavers." The shot cut to the mud pit at the bottom where two giant wooly beavers with boney spikes along their back were busily chewing through the poles the gang plank platforms were on.
"Followed by," the shot cut to a close-up of a large, red, butt-shaped apparatus that was moving up and down, "the bouncy agony of Double Trouble." The shot zoomed out to show four of the butt-shaped things moving up and down between two platforms.
"And finally," Chris said, "the Grand Slam," the shot cut to several giant baseball bats sticking up out of the mud surrounding an equally giant baseball mitt, "where you'll use ropes to swing into the giant baseball mitt, while avoiding those deadly bats." The shot zoomed in on the mitt, then panned over to one of the bats as a small red bird flew head-first into it, knocking it out with a clonk. "Piece of cake," Chris said with a chuckle as the shot cut back to the staring and nervous campers.
"Oh, and as you may remember," the host added, "I said that the winning team from part one would have a distinct advantage in part two?"
"But there was no winner!" Sierra reminded the host. "You canceled the first part!"
"Yeah, don't remind me," Chris answered in annoyance. "The losing team was gonna wear snazzy specs while competing," he explained with a chipper smile, "but since we never actually finished the competition," he became annoyed again, "I've decided that everybody has to wear them!" He laughed, and the campers looked behind them to see Chef Hatchet holding a cardboard box.
Dave was the first to step forward, taking out one of the pairs of glasses – thick, ugly things that almost seemed to have a greenish tint to them – and put them on. His brow shot up immediately. "Hey, what's with the old glasses?" he asked. "We won't be able to see anything wearing these!" The perspective shifted to demonstrate what he was seeing, which was little more than an incredibly blurry shot of the forest and some unknown body of water.
"Dorktacular goggles won't make part two easy," Chris said, "or attractive," he shrugged, "but it can be done. In theory."
The campers groaned.
"Since the Maggots have one more player than the Rats," Chris added on, "one of them has to sit this one out."
"It should be Katie," Scarlett suggested to her team, "She's still suffering from her tech withdrawal."
"Fine by me," Molly boldly said. "I don't want her losing for us."
"Competitors, take your positions!" he said, and the footage flashed forward to show Anne Maria and Geoff together near the edge of the first platform, the jersey shore reject waving her hands in front of her face in order to see. "First up at the Kick Start it's Anne Maria against Geoff," the host said before the shot moved on to the next pair. "Then, it's DJ versus Sammy," the brickhouse and nervous cheerleader looked about before the shot pulled back to show the cannons, "versus the Cannonballs."
"Molly faces Scott in Wrecking Ball Alley," the indie chick and social seeker stared at each other. "B is up against Scarlett in the Gang Plank," the camera cut to the base of the ladder then panned all the way up to it to the strong, silent genius and the quiet brainiac on top, "Dave and Leshawna will battle Double Trouble," the normal guy looked warily at the butt-shaped apparatus in front of him while the sista just cracked her knuckles, "and, Sierra will fight Trent for the Grand Slam." The obsessive uberfan nervously looked around while the cool guy tried to maintain his balance, the shot moving out to show the baseball mitt.
"First team to finish wins the whoooole shebang," Chris explained. "And, the other team loses a member tonight! Since it's a relay race," he added, "you'll need something to pass: your mascots," he said with a grin. "Oh, intern~!"
A scrawny white boy with his long black hair flipped over his eyes walked up to Geoff and Anne Maria holding a pair of pet carriers; whatever was inside was snarling angrily enough for the two competitors to exchange a wary look. "Team Rat gets a mutant rat," Chris announced as the intern thrust a large, squealing, six-legged hairless rat into Geoff's arms. "And Team Maggot gets," the host continued, "a mutant maggot," a large, slimy green maggot was thrust into Anne Maria's arms.
"Ew. It's a what?" Anne Maria said in surprise.
"Aaaand," Chris said as he prepared an airhorn, "go!"
At the sound of the horn the giant boot swung down on the two campers. With a yelp Anne Maria managed to duck out of the way, but Geoff was not so lucky and got sent flying with a scream. He landed in the mud between platforms, but kept the rat held high. It burped as Chris said "And Geoff gets the boot!"
Anne Maria hopped across the gap between platforms with the maggot in her arms.
"Anne Maria takes the early lead," Chris continued, and the jersey girl ran up to DJ.
"Here!" Anne Maria held out their mascot.
"I'll take this cute critter from here," DJ took the maggot from her, then turned and ran off down the course.
"Yeah, I got it goin' on," Anne Maria walked back the opposite way...and blindly fell into the gap between platforms, landing with a squelch of mud.
The shot cut to DJ as he ran along his part of the platform. He slammed face-first into a post, then recoiled a few steps. He vigorously shook his head and sidestepped around the post. He only got another two steps before a sudden cannon volley through the floor in front of him forced him to a stop with a yelp.
Now covered in mud, Geoff ran along the first part of the platform with his rat held out in front of him. He jumped the gap, and soon reached Sammy. "We're already far behind! Go!" the party boy held out their team's mascot.
"Got it!" Sammy said, grabbing the rat and running off.
"The Rats take the lead!" Chris called out as Sammy caught up to DJ at the start of the cannonball run. Another cannon fired towards them, forcing both to dart and duck out of the way.
"Okay," Sammy assured herself, "I just have to dodge a bunch of cannons that are impossible to see!" She charged forward, leaving DJ to chase after her.
"Time to try again," DJ added in.
The scene moved to Scott and Molly waiting at the start of the next leg. Sammy ran up and thrust the rat into Scott's arms, panting after she did so.
"Wow. We're in the lead? Great," Scott realized and started to walk slowly. "Nice and slow, all the way to last place. Right, little guy?" He told the rat while walking along the rolling log, but the rat bit him in the chin. He howled painfully and missed the wrecking ball swinging down at him. It caught him and sent him flying, all the way into B.
"Faster, DJ!" Molly yelled as DJ ran up to her and handed over their maggot.
"Good luck," DJ supported Molly as she headed for the rolling logs.
Scott was lying on the floor and petting the rat with B watching as the shot cut back to them.
"Aww, who's my good freak? Who's my good little freak?" Scott faux affectionately talked to the rat in order to slow them down as B was signaling him to pass it to him. "There, there, little guy. Uncle Scotty kept you safe and sound." He saw B waiting. "Oh, do you want this? Why didn't you say so, Beverly?"
Having enough, B took the rat before putting it in his pocket and jumped on to the first precariously isolated platform. It immediately started to wobble and sink, and B quietly cried out in alarm as the camera quick-panned to the base revealing the two mutant beavers making quick work of the pole, causing him to fall down into the mud. He recovered and saw the two ferocious-looking beavers he had landed next to.
Molly was looking up and back just in time to see the wrecking ball swinging towards her. She jumped up, safely grabbing on to the ball and allowing it to carry her forward. She jumped off at the extent of its swing, and sailed further on through the air.
The camera quick-panned over to B as he hastily sculpted a female beaver out of mud. The two beavers looked past the muddy feel and fell in love with it. As they ran over to hug it, B sneakily slipped past.
"And in a surprisingly touching move, B extends the Rats' lead," Chris announced out loud.
Scott was watching from where he landed. "Oh, come on!" he whined in disappointment.
"Go now!" Molly told Scarlett as she handed the maggot over, Scarlett immediately turning.
The beavers stopped hugging the mud sculptured beaver when the head fell off. Realizing that they were tricked, they soon turned vengeful.
Scarlett hopped to the first platform. It immediately wobbled thanks to the beavers gnawing the leg, taking Scarlett down.
"Alright, my brotha!" Leshawna cheered and took the rat from the tired B. "Let me take it from here."
Leshawna threw herself on to the first butt-shaped thing, landed, and bounced off it without a word. She continued on in this way, bouncing from one to the next until eventually she reached the end. "Sierra, take it!" she yelled to her teammate, the fangirl waiting with her back turned at the edge of the next platform.
Despite stretching her rat-holding arms out towards him as she fell, Leshawna was unable to make the pass-off in time before falling completely past her and landing in the mud. "What?" Sierra said as she finally turned around. "Aww. I missed the catch."
The shot cut to Leshawna face down in the mud. The mutant rat scampered out of her grasp. With a growl, Leshawna scrambled to her feet and chased after it screaming "Get back here!"
"Here you go," Scarlett told her teammate as the shot cut back to her holding the muddy and slimy maggot out to him.
"Got it!" Dave said as he reached out for the mutated larva.
It promptly vomited onto his face.
"IT THREW UP ON ME!!!" Dave freaked out and ran while one of the beavers grabbed Scarlett's head and dragged her down.
The perspective briefly changed to show the blurry obstacle that Dave was approaching, then changed back to his head-on close-up as he became visibly determined.
"The quicker I finish this, the quicker I can clean up!" Dave told himself just as he jumped onto the first butt-shaped object; he landed on his chest with a pained yelp and bounced off, continuing on painfully from one bouncy apparatus to the next until eventually he landed on his chest on the far platform with a slam and a groan.
"And Dave takes back the lead for the Maggots!" Chris announced, the camera cutting to him and Chef on their chairs. "He really doesn't like to get messy."
"Alright, it's my turn!" Trent declared confidently, turning proudly towards the end of the course.
"Hurry up!" Dave told him impatiently.
The camera panned back to the left, passing Dave and reaching Sierra just as Leshawna forced their team's mascot into her arms. "Here!" she commanded.
"Sorry I didn't catch it in time," Sierra apologized.
"It's like they say on Blackcomb Mountain. "Best glimpse of heaven's on the way into-" Trent said before reaching the giant mitt and saw how far it was. "Hello."
Meanwhile, Scarlett was in danger courtesy of the two beavers.
"I would ask if you detach from me now," Scarlett begged while a beaver took out a bottle of ketchup and licked their teeth. "I warned you," Scarlett growled before kicking both of their groins, making them moan. "If you had simply not taken me, then I wouldn't have had to resort to kicking you two. I show no sympathy."
Sierra had finally caught up to Trent in the Grand Slam. "This is like the electric eel part of the trust challenge from season one," Sierra talked to herself before grabbing one of the ropes that had been loosely tied there and swung off.
She passed between the baseball bats, and planted her feet on the baseball mitt. Sierra slowly lost her standing and fell into the mud. "Being splattered by mud is better than being electrocuted I guess," she laughed a bit.
Back at the edge of the platform, Trent grabbed the end of the other rope. He unleashed his own terrified cry as he swung blindly through the Grand Slam, and almost made it to the mitt – but slammed into one of the last bats with his legs spread wide. He painfully groaned as he slid down into the mud.
The footage skipped ahead to show a muddy Sierra running up for her second go, the ropes once again tied to a post on the side of the platform. "This time, I should swing higher. Then I'll be on the mitt for sure," the blogger discussed with herself.
"C'mon Sierra!" Geoff called out to her, the shot cutting to show him and the other Rats standing on a nearby platform without the glasses that had been forced on them. "Swing!"
Sierra grabbed one of the ropes again and jumped off. She stuck her legs out in front of her and passed by each bat in turn. However, her muddy hands caused her to fall from the rope just before she reached the mitt and she fell into the mud.
The Rats all groaned.
The camera panned past them and on to Trent, who had grabbed his own rope again and was sizing up his next swing. "My team needs the win," he told himself, tucking the maggot under his arm as he used his fingers to frame his target.
The music turned triumphant as he ran forward and swung off. He hit all the bats, and the peak of his swing put him just about over the mitt. It was then that he let go of the rope and fell down towards the goal, landing on his head as the maggot landed on top of him.
"The Maggots win!" Chris announced, and the maggot mascot threw up on the musician.
The Maggots cheered, having also discarded their glasses, while the five nearby members of the Toxic Rats groaned once more.
"To the Maggots, the spoils," Chris announced as Chef walked over to the winning team holding some kind of gift basket. "McLean Brand Soap, Shampoo, and Conditioner. Guaranteed to wash off the stink!" the host listed over a close-up of the gift basket, showing off its contents against a radiant yellow background.
"I'll definitely keep those in handy!" Dave said with a smile.
"Make sure not to hog all of it," Katie reminded him.
Confessional: Katie
"If my team was up for elimination, I probably would have been the one eliminated, and I wouldn't have my tablet with me. I dodged a bullet there," Katie cheered.
Confessional Ends
"Rats, see you at the elimination ceremony!' Chris added with his usual smile.
The five members of the Rats groaned for a third time. "I could've used the reward to wash off the mess," Leshawna groaned.
Sierra moaned as she got off the muddy floor, coughing up mud in the process. "Losing two times in a row? That's not gonna go well for my blog."
\
The footage flashed ahead to all of the Toxic Rats except for B and Sierra assembled at the steps leading up to their cabin. The camera focused on Scott, who was standing on the ground in front of the others. "All right, guys. Sierra's gotta go. She lost the challenge for us, and she's more focused on using her phone than competing most of the time."
"Now hang on!" Geoff replied. "So she made a mistake and slipped up. We aren't robots. I'm thinking we should give her a second chance."
"Sierra is also a big fan of the show," Sammy said. "Voting her off this early wouldn't be fair to her."
"Fair, smhair," Leshawna muttered. "If eliminating her allows us to sleep without being disturbed by her constant texting to her friends, I'm all for it."
\
The footage flashed ahead again to show the Toxic Rats at the campfire pit, Chef and Chris standing before them with their respective marshmallows.
"Ready?" Chris asked. "Everyone gets a marshmallow, even the loser!" The shot cut to a close-up of the strongbox in Chef's mitted hands. "But that's one marshmallow you do not wanna eat," Chris added as his assistant flipped the lid up and revealed the bright glowing thing inside.
"To the votes! The following people are safe," the host said, picking up the first normal marshmallow off his tray. "Geoff." The party guy caught his prize with a smile.
"Leshawna." The sista sitting next to him was next, satisfied as she caught her marshmallow.
"Scott." The devious, slumped forward, raised his free left hand and caught his prize.
"And Sammy." The nervous cheerleader allowed her marshmallow to fall into her open hands.
"Which leaves, Sierra and Bev," Chris announced, earning a nervous look from both teens.
"What?" Sierra asked in shock.
"And the Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to," Chris said, trailing off as the camera slowly zoomed in on the faces of the bottom two nervous campers.
"Sierra," the host finished.
"Me? But why?" Sierra sputtered in shock while B caught his marshmallow with his mouth.
"Don't know and don't care," Chris said. "You're out."
Sierra dodged the toxic marshmallow thrown her way. "It is what it is, but one last thing!" She whipped out her phone and snapped a photo of her and her teammates, blinding their eyesight and making them audibly yelp. "#ToxicRatsForever!" she enthusiastically claimed and ran to the Hurl of Shame.
\
The footage cut over to the Dock of Shame, the camera zoomed in on Chris and Sierra in the catapult's bucket.
"Any last words before we give you the Hurl of Shame?" Chris asked.
"Of course. Can I have a self-" Sierra said before Chris unflinchingly launched her into the air. Sierra finished with a scream as she disappeared into the night.
Chris laughed. "It was a rhetorical question. Two hurls down, twelve to go! Who will be eliminated next?" he asked the camera. "Tune in, and find out, on Total! Drama! Revenge! Of! The Island!"
(Roll the Credits)

Toxic Rats: B, Geoff, Scott, Leshawna, Sammy, Sierra
Mutant Maggots: Anne Maria, Katie, Molly, Scarlett, Dave, DJ, Trent
Episode 02: Truth or Mutant Shark
"Last time, on Total Drama Revenge of the Island!" Chris opened over a long-distance shot of Wawanakwa, the recap montage beginning soon after. "Fourteen new competitors were blown away by this year's challenges," the host said as the yacht carrying the new cast was shown, Chris maliciously pressed a button on his remote control, and the yacht blew up. "They were treated to an early-morning swim," Max was shown trying not to drown, "said hello to the island's wildlife," Dave was shown to get nearly zapped by its eye-lasers, "and did some totem-surfing," the Toxic Rats slid down the hill and into the air, falling from their totem just before it crashed into the better cabin and exploded. "Ex-plosive!"
"In the end," a few short clips of Max trying to be villainous, "Max's non-stop claims about being dangerous made him useless enough that his team sent him packing, Hurl of Shame-style." The recap footage ended with Max getting catapulted off the island.
"Who'll go home next?" Chris asked the camera from the end of the dock. "And how much pain can I put them through first? Find out right now, on Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!"
XXXXX
The episode opened on a shot of the morning sky and a few far-away bird calls as the camera panned down to the two cabins of Camp Wawanakwa.
The shot cut inside to the girls' half of the Rats' cabins where Leshawna and Sammy were woken up to the sound of Sierra texting on her phone.
"The first day competing on Total Drama was exciting," Sierra talked to her phone. "I managed to make some friends and even though my team lost the first challenge, I'm still staying for another day!"
"Girl, who are you even talking to?" Leshawna mumbled tiredly.
"I'm giving the fans an update about my day and experience being a contestant," Sierra mentioned. "The fansite eats up this stuff."
"Are you going to carry your phone everywhere you go just to do so?" Sammy asked.
"I won't use it during the challenges, but I keep it with me at all times," Sierra said. "Without my phone, I'd probably lose my mind!"
Confessional: Sammy
"So I joined the show because my friend group suggested I do so," Sammy timidly said. "They said it's to increase my self-esteem and make me branch out more or something close to those lines."
Confessional Ends
The shot cut abruptly to a top-down view of the other half of the Rats' cabin, showing Geoff and B sleeping in their bunk beds. The sound of a door suddenly slammed open and slammed shut, waking Geoff up.
It was Scott – flat against the front door with his eyes wide, his breath heaving, and his clothes dirty. "Dude, what happened to you?" Geoff asked in concern.
Scott straightened himself out. "Oh, uh... just had an early morning make out session with one of the honeys," he explained.
Geoff got out of his bed in his pajamas and got near Scott. "Why are you so messy then?"
The footage quickly cut to a scene of Scott running in terror from a Woolly Beaver – one with several boney spikes jutting out of its back. The shot flashed back to the Rats' cabin, and Scott added "A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."
"Wait," Geoff stepped in. "You kissed a guy?" This comment earned him an annoyed expression from Scott.
Confessional: Scott
"All right. I was out looking for that hidden immunity idol, not that they need to know," Scott opened up. "It's all part of my strategy. Let my team lose so the Maggots develop a false sense of security before I pick 'em off!"
He was interrupted by a knock on the wall. "Occupied!" he shouted until the wholly beaver from earlier barged through the wall and frightened Scott into screaming.
Confessional Ends
The camera cut back outside the cabins, zooming on on the Maggots' abode on the right then cutting inside to show Anne Maria brushing and blow drying her hair.
Scarlett walked up behind her from the left carrying a clipboard. "How were you able to sneak those cans in?" she asked.
Anne Maria placed her items inside her pouf. "Easy. I stuck it in my pouf." She noticed the clipboard. "Why are you carryin' that clipboard?"
"I've been working on sleep analysis, Anne Maria," Scarlett answered. "Your stage two sleep spindles were low frequency followed by an intense delta or slow-wave. You slept well."
Anne Maria was a little surprised to hear that. "That's nice, but don't go spyin' on me." She grabbed her hairspray from her pouf and walked away spraying her hair.
Scarlett saw that Katie was still sleeping. "Seems Katie's sleep cycle is lower than I anticipated. Had she not tried to pull an all-nighter, she'd have a higher score," Scarlett spoke to herself.
Confessional: Scarlett
"I have the need to research my teammates and know what their weaknesses and strengths are," Scarlett said. "We were able to achieve victory in the first challenge, and I want to keep it that way."
Confessional Ends
The scene flashed to the boys' side of the cabin, the camera focusing on DJ as he woke up and stretched his arms. "Morning Trent and Dave!" the brickhouse greeted his bunkmates, though Dave wasn't around at the moment. "Where'd Dave go?"
Trent, who had also woken up, shrugged. "Beats me. He probably went to the bathroom."
Confessional: Trent
"This is my first time sleeping in a cabin," Trent confessed with his guitar on his lap. "It was hard trying to fall asleep, so I played some songs that were guaranteed to make me and the guys drift off… at least that's what my friends back home say."
"Anyway, my bunk mates are pretty cool. Dave's a bit neurotic, and DJ's more soft-spoken, but once I get to know them more, I can guarantee you we'll be best buds."
Confessional Ends
The scene cut to the back of the Maggots' cabin where Molly got out of a tent that she pitched.
Confessional: Molly
"I don't like bunk beds," Molly admitted with a shrug. "They tend to break no matter how stable it is. That's why I decided to sleep outside. Besides, I wanted to have a camping experience, and sleeping in a tent is the first way to go."
Confessional Ends
The footage returned to Molly stretching her body, and a few seconds later, Dave walked up to her. "Did you sleep outside of your cabin?"
"Yep," Molly nodded.
"Do you know the negatives of doing that?" Dave crossed his arms.
"I don't think so," Molly shook her head.
"You could get bug bites or get sick," Dave explained to the indie woman.
"I already planned for that," Molly laughed. "Ever heard of bug spray and sleeping bags?"
"I know those things, but why did you sleep outside?" Dave wondered.
"One, I prefer to sleep by myself, and two, I don't like sleeping indoors," Molly gives the germaphobe answers. "I hate following the crowd."
"Okay then," Dave said. "I'm gonna use the bathroom. Are you coming?"
"I'm already prepared," Molly took out toothpaste and a toothbrush.
\
The scene cut to a seagull sleeping in a nest inside the horn of a loudspeaker. A blow horn sounded through it without warning, though, forcing the bird out into the air and revealing its snake-like features as it fell.
"Up and at 'em my little morning glories!" Chris called out, sitting on his ATV below. "It's time for today's challenge!" he announced, the camera moving behind him to show the two teams assembled in front, their respective logos appearing on the screen overhead.
"What?" Sierra asked in shock. "But we haven't even had breakfast yet!"
"Not a problem for me," Molly brushed it off and swallowed a pickle. "I packed enough pickles for me to be full."
"And we haven't had enough sleep," Katie added.
"Cognitive function is dependent on REM sleep," Scarlett acknowledged the host.
"You can catch up on your sleep after the challenge," Chris told them. "Rrright this way, to the Bay of Dismay!"
The thirteen campers groaned, except for Katie, who pulled out her tablet.
"Hey viewers! I'm gonna be at a Bay of Dismay," Katie started to film herself until Chris used a magnet to take her tablet away. "What the?"
"Contraband! Now it's mine! Confiscator's keepers! Come on! Your humiliation awaits!" Chris told a miserable Katie.
\
The scene flashed ahead to the thirteen campers walking along at an even pace. "'Bay of Dismay'?" Trent told Anne Maria as they walked side-by-side. "That doesn't sound depressing at all."
"If Chris is gonna make us fight against alligators," Anne Maria said. "I'm planning on suing him after the show ends for breaking my nails."
Trent frowned, but chose to ignore it.
The camera lingered a few seconds as they walked off, long enough for DJ and Katie to enter the shot together. "So, what kinda challenge do you think Chris is gonna put us through this time?" DJ asked.
"I don't know," Katie answered without looking at him, "but I hope it's one that requires the use of a camera so I can take pictures with it, you know?"
DJ facepalmed, unseen by the influencer.
Confessional: Katie
"It's been four minutes, and I'm already missing my tablet," Katie squeaked out and huddled herself. "How will my viewers know what I'm doing right now?"
Confessional Ends
DJ decided to make Katie happy. "Maybe when the challenge is over, you could get your tablet back."
"Emphasis on maybe," Katie snarked.
"I don't know if this is going to be another physical challenge," Leshawna said to Sierra as the footage cut to the two of them walking together. "We already struggled getting that totem down last challenge."
"Chris probably has an academic challenge planned for us at the Bay of Dismay," Sierra told her as they walked forward, "and I know Chris isn't lying."
"How do you know Chris isn't frontin' us?" Leshawna asked.
"Basic knowledge," Sierra bragged. "I can tell if he's lying to us by his vocal pitch and body language."
"So you really studied the show and how it works, huh?" Leshawna followed up in surprise.
"Of course I have," Sierra said. "I've seen every episode like fifty-three times and auditioned twice before being accepted the second time."
B and Scarlett were now shown walking together. "Any idea on what we'll be facing up against?" the quiet brainiac asked the similarly intelligent boy, who didn't talk back to her. "I can see that you prefer not to vocalize your sentences like me, but you're more exaggerated."
Confessional: B
B simply shrugged in the confessional.
Confessional Ends
The static cut away to the body of water that was, presumably, the Bay of Dismay. Three structures rose out of its waters: on the left and right were two-tiered game-show-like seats that housed the Toxic Rats and Mutant Maggots respectively and bore their logos on the front; and in the middle was a single Greek pedestal upon which Chris stood in his blue tuxedo below a large video screen and electronic scoreboard.
"Welcome to the 'Getting to Know You' Trivia Game Challenge," Chris introduced. "Everyone strapped in all nice and snug?" he asked the contestants.
"Too snug," Scott answered irritably. "It's cutting into my shoulders!"
"Yeah, children's size harnesses will do that," Chris chuckled. "I'll be asking our players embarrassing personal questions," he explained, "and I mean majorly humiliating. If the player I'm talking about hits the poorly-wired buzzer and owns their humiliation before the time runs out," he continued as the shot cut back to Scott looking at the red buzzer on the counter in front of him, the camera zooming out to show Sierra on the left, Sammy on the right, and B, Leshawna, and Geoff on the back row, "their team gets a point." The camera panned across the Maggots, showing DJ, Molly, and Scarlett in the bottom row and Katie, Anne Maria, Dave, and Trent above. "First team to five wins part one, and a distinct advantage in part two."
"Buuut," Chris added as the shot cut back to him, "if no one owns up, this happens!" He took out his remote, pressed the button, and with a mechanical whir the elevated stand the Maggots were seated in suddenly dropped into the bay. The shot cut to the seven holding their breaths below the water, focusing in on DJ in particular. He looked around and screamed when he saw the large mutant shark with arms and legs looking at him hungrily, and his teammates joined in as the shark reared back to take a bite – but the stand rose back up just in time to take the teens away from danger.
The shot cut back to the surface as the Maggots re-emerged, dripping and coughing and generally frantic. "There's some kind of two-legged shark down there!" Anne Maria told the host in a panic.
"You mean Fang?" Chris asked with a broad smile and quick laugh. "Yeah, it turns out toxic waste can mess with stuff underwater too." He pointed up at the screen above him as he spoke, and the camera panned up to show a seemingly ordinary shark drinking a cup of tea on a wooden post underwater...until the screen flashed, and a picture of Fang against a simple teal background replaced the normal shark. "Who knew?"
"Better them than us," Scott said from the Rats' stand.
"Anywho," Chris continued slowly, "if a team gets dunked, their opponents can steal by guessing which dunk-ee is guilty. Guess right, and you get a point. Guess wrong, and this happens." With a sly look he pressed the button on his remote again, and this time it was the Rats who got plunged into the bay. Fang was shown tying a bib around his neck, then looking behind him just as the fresh set of teenagers came into view. He turned around and opened his mouth to bite, and with the muffled screams being heard the shot cut back to the bubbling surface. Chris pressed the button once more, and the Toxic Rats rocketed back up on their stand.
"Now that we understand the rules," Chris told them as they coughed up water, "let's start the game!" The host pulled a notecard out from behind his back. "To the Rats, now listen carefully," he began. "Who does this," he motioned upward to a picture of a question mark, "if they eat or drink any form of dairy?" the question mark farted.
All members of the Mutant Maggots began to laugh, as did the members of the Toxic Rats – all except Leshawna, who seemed to shrink in her seat as the camera zoomed in on her. "Where did you get that?" the sista asked in her embarrassment, pressing her buzzer and yelping at the shock she received.
The shot cut to the scoreboard, the Rats' half changing from 0 to 1.
The camera moved back to Chris and his card, now turned towards the Maggots. "Who sleeps with a teddy bear," he motioned upward to a picture of a brown teddy bear, "even after they turned 13?"
"Really? I thought we were more grown-up than that," Dave cringed at the fact.
Scarlett saw that DJ was feeling embarrassed. "Push the button, DJ! You're clearly harboring some guilt," Scarlett advised.
As the timer continued ticking, DJ finally shuddered, then slammed his right hand down on her buzzer. "Alright then," he declared after getting shocked, "it's me."
A bit of light laughter came from the Rats, and the scoreboard updated to show the Maggots' first point. "And it's one-all!" the host declared, earning a cheer from the Maggots.
"Aww, thanks DJ," Katie whispered to the drooping brickhouse. "I know that must've been hard, and I don't hold it against you."
"Really?" DJ regained his smile.
"I have my own collection of teddy bears in my room," Katie beamed.
Confessional: DJ
"Liking teddy bears is one thing me and Katie have in common," DJ smiled in the outhouse. "We'd have to get to know each other a bit more."
Confessional End
"Rats," Chris turned back to the other team, "whose first name is really Beverly?"
"That's not embarrassing," Trent called out defensively. "None of us will throw a fuss over a girl's name being Beverly."
Over to the Rats, Sierra was looking at a picture of Chris, Sammy was shrugging to signify it wasn't her, and Leshawna was just waiting for someone to buzz in.
B, on the other hand, looked down at his own buzzed timidly, and after some consideration, he pressed the buzzer and got shocked, raising his hand to let Chris know that he owned up to the question.
"Correct, Beverly," Chris teased the strong, silent genius. "Rats get the point, but I would've preferred a verbal response."
"But B is as quiet as a snail," Geoff piped up. "And we still got the point."
"Don't care," Chris said apathetically. "So, as a quick punishment." He smiled as he pushed the button on his remote again.
The Rats were plunged back into the water, and the camera focused on Scott as he hollered before getting chomped up by Fang, the stand rising back up as Fang struggled to close his jaws.
Scott managed to get out of Fang's mouth, shouting "No! Wait for me!" as he swam back to her seat.
Confessional: Scott
Scott winced in the confessional, pulling something white out of his butt. "What the? A shark tooth?" he asked, looking at what was obviously a shark's tooth.
Confessional: Fang
The next to use the confessional was none other than Fang, examining his mouth in a hand mirror with great concern. Upon noticing the gap in his upper row of sharp teeth, he growled angrily and snapped the mirror.
Confessionals End
Scott furiously climbed back into his seat. "Thanks for leaving me down there, team!" Scott scolded his teammates. "You can win this stupid challenge without me!"
"If he's not playing, then I'm not either," Anne Maria chimed in, the shot zooming back out as she and the other Maggots looked towards the host.
"I've already had a secret about me exposed, so I think I'll be leavin'," Leshawna declared.
"Okay, everyone just settle down," Chris told them all sternly.
"I'm with everyone else. We should stop," Molly said, standing up and trying to undo her harness. "I do not want any secrets of mine to be spilled out."
"You can do so after you've had a secret revealed," Scarlett snapped.
"Hey! Host talking here!" Chris barked. "I decide when the challenge is over."
"Whatever," Scott scoffed, having already removed his harness. "I'm out of here."
"Not until we win," Sierra held the dirt farmer back from leaving. "I am not going to have us lose."
Just then, Fang jumped out of the water and took a large bite out of the Maggots' stand, forcing them to yelp.
"Now would be a good time to leave," Sammy remarked and tried to get herself out of her straps.
The shot cut back to the Maggots as Anne Maria and Scarlett began to argue with Dave and Molly and DJ, Katie, and Trent watched the debacle going on.
Eventually, the shot cut back to Chris as he finally shouted "Alright! SHUT IT!" The off-screen arguments promptly ceased. "Thanks to that pathetic digression," he said in annoyance, glancing at his watch, "now we don't have enough time to finish this challenge! Happy?"
The Rats voiced their agreement. Likewise, all the Maggots agreed happily.
"Well you won't be happy for long," Chris told them and the camera with a smile. "Come back after the break for an all-new challenge from which there is no escape. And in the meantime," he added slyly as he took his remote back out and pushed the button, causing both teams to be dunked into the bay with a scream once more.
\
(Commercial Break)
\

Snail: In the land of Hyrule you’ll find monster, assassins and of course Princess Zelda who will probably be with her champion Link. There have been many Link’s over the years across 3 timelines… I-I think? Uhh but we are giving Link everything! So let’s start off!
Genesis: Happily mum Link is always a blonde man who has tons of armor with different effects and abilities! Some let him swim up waterfalls like the fast fish you’ve ever seen some let him trick through the hottest places in the world and some let him cross dress. Link’s awakening am I right folks?
Snail: Genesis! Uhh anyway Link has saved the world on several occasions cutting through the likes of Ganondorf who can survive a giant ass castle falling into him, he can destroy the giant metallic legs of guardians with relative ease. And he even beat Majora who almost crashed the moon into the Earth! He’s had to save the powerful and capable princess Zelda several times from the forces of evil. And he has a hide arsenal to do it!
Genesis: Like his swords! His most powerful is the Master Sword! It can even shoot magical air blades when Link swings it! He has his famous Hylian Shield able to block any attack! Including laser! By looking at the speed they move and the distance Link can dodge or reflect them he would need to be moving over 300 times the speed of light!
Snail: He has his guardian sword and spears as well and while frail can easily chop down powerful enemies such as the giant robo spiders the Guardians! Remember those? Link also has a cloak to turn him invisible, the lens of truth to help with things invisible to the naked eye and illusions, his sheikah slate that allows him to create bombs, stomp time on certain things, control and toss around metallic objects and create ice pillars from water!
Genesis: Link is also a fine sniper with a bow and arrow! He has regular arrows basically vanilla flavored, ice arrows to freeze sorta like strawberry favor so everyone likes them but it’s nobody’s favorite, electric arrows to show and it’s like chocolate because everyone loves these, his fire arrows that are sorta like the mint flavor as not everyone loves them and his most powerful the light and ancient arrows that sorta make the other arrows useless by comparison… also I don’t have any more ice cream flavors sue me!
Snail: Link does what he does across these timelines because when he dies his soul will always be reincarnated with one of the pieces of the Triforce!
Genesis: The Triforce of Courage! No wonder Link never stands down! The other two piece of the Triforce being the Triforce of Wisdom and Power held by Ganondorf and Zelda respectively are also very powerful and when all three are brought together they create the full wish granting Triforce! Although Link made sure that it never got into the wrong hands!
Snail: Link even has fairies that can revive him just before he dies but his strangest piece of equipment are his masks!
Genesis: Yeah remember that Majora guy well to beat him Link had to use his ocarina that allows him to control the weather, teleport and even go back in time to find a way to stop Majora before the moon crashed into a clock tower killing basically everyone! And he got masks to let him do that. He can turn into a Deku,Zora and so on and so forth. He even has extra masks like the mask of truth that lets him read minds!
Snail: But his most powerful is by far his great deity mask. After putting this mask on almost nothing can hurt him and he is way more powerful than before! He beat majora who at this point created a copy of Hyrule!
Genesis: Link has elixirs to amp his speed and make him resist certain attacks! He can destroy giant monsters who are easily the size of large buildings with little effort and even beat characters like Demise who can create pocket dimensions and destroy them just as easily.
Snail: Link is the hero of Hyrule and if you asked anyway who met him they consider him a great threat or a hero of time

Mayo_Enjoyer:will is something everyone has, it's mostly associated with a certain green object wielding human, luke Skywalker the chosen one(not sorry hal), Luke Skywalker is the twin brother of leia and the son of Anakin Skywalker more commonly known as darth Vader and padme, luke has been raised by his uncle on tatoine a desert planet yet he was a farmer and that's stupid, after meeting with old man Ben also known as obi-wan kenobi luke began his training.
Mayo_Enjoyer:but space jesus got killed by his father who also took his hand and by that I mean he cut off Luke's hand and yes I'm saying this so it doesn't sound like luke married his father, luke has been training by one of the most powerful jedi in history yoda and with the training luke was able to overthrow the empire with the help of rebels and bring peace to the galaxy but this doesn't end there as luke rebuild the jedi order and defeated millena's weird cousin Abeloth the chaos bringer.
Mayo_enjoyer:luke has his trusty green lightsaber and force abilities and oh boy he has many of them, luke like every jedi can move stuff with the force and one of the stuff he moved was a black hole because it was in the way, push it and jump super high, luke can also read your memories and find your weaknesses with the force, he can also do the funny jedi mind trick and mind control people,luke can also use the force as a projectile by using force blast, luke can also see several years into the future with the force and heal himself from any injuries also with the force man why he didn't heal his hand in the movies. Luke has performed many impressive feats like moving a black hole like I mentioned earlier, speedblitzing a speedster, defeating darth Vader, defeating Abeloth the chaos bringer, destroying the death star twice but this was without his jedi abilities or the force, luke has defeated countless enemies, taking control over the millennium Falcon with just the force, became immovable, telepathically called every jedi in the galaxy, resisted force blindness. Luke is really the chosen one who will bring back the peace to cosmic clash

Previous posts:

• Shadespire
• Nightvault

For those unfamiliar with Warhammer Underworlds, it's Games Workshop's card/mini/board game set in the Mortal Realms. Almost every card in the game has a small snippet of lore on it in addition to its rules text; some of the lore is simple statements about the card's effect, but others describe the setting or the fighters or provide in-universe quotes. I haven't found a card library that compiles these lore snippets (they are understandably focused on the rules), so I decided to compile them myself.
This is my third post of the project, compiling the cards from the third season of the game, Beastgrave. This is the first major setting update, since the previous seasons (Shadespire and Nightvault) both took place in Shadespire, while this one takes place in Beastgrave, a living mountain in Ghur.
Cards for the season starter warbands:
Grashrak's Despoilers:

Text	Card Name
There is a diabolical method to the Brayherds' depravity.	Bestial Cunning
The gruesome food for Grashrak's primal sorceries are rarely in short supply.	Blood Ritual
To beastmen, carnage and mayhem are ends unto themselves.	Bloodshed
The creatures of the Brayhertds stampede forth from their domains whenever a more enticing territory presents itself.	Conquerors
True victory comes only when all the enemy held dear is reduced to ruin.	Despoilers
To Grashrak's Despoilers, there is no sight more pleasing than that of unsullied flesh being butchered.	Killing Blow
In the wild, the alpha creature is the one still standing at battle's end.	Proven Superiority
There is no better hunting ground than the lands of a defiant enemy.	Raiders
Beastmen strike hard and fast, and they seldom do so alone.	Stampede
Bloodshed breeds strength, and strength breeds opportunity.	Survival of the Fittest
Wherever Grashrak's Despoilers go, so follows the corruption of Chaos.	Swarm the Battlefield
It is not enough to despoil the land - the air itself must writhe with the power of anarchy.	Taint of Ruin
The primal fury of the Brayherds is infamous, and rightly feared.	Baying Anger
The true children of Chaos are driven by instinctual animosity.	Baying Hatred
There is nothing more fearful than a wounded beastman.	Berserk Bellow
Primal magics swirl across the battlefield, driving the herd towards their foe.	Bestial Vigour
The language of the Brayherds is not elegant, but it is easily understood.	Blood Taunt
Grashrak's Despoilers use every weapon that nature and Chaos have bestowed upon them.	Bull Charge
A bestial curse twists the foe in both body and mind.	Devolve
When hunting down prey, speed is as important as brute strength.	Skirmisher
Like carrion feeders to a corpse, the beasts of the Brayherds flock to territories they can despoil.	Vile Invaders
The notion of a fair fight is anathema to Ungors.	Weight of Numbers
Why work to conceal yourself when you can simply take away your hunter's ability to see?	Blinding Attack
The scent of blood only intensifies the hunger for battle.	Bloodcrazed
Even the most masterfully wrought armour crumples at the touch of this Chaos-infused blade.	Cursed Flint
There are few greater weapons than a strong instinct for self-preservation.	Dogged Survivor
Always another foe, always another quarry, the bloodletting in Beastgrave is never-ending.	Endless Hatred
Pain is the one sense the beastmen seek to dull.
Those with the shortest horns must find other ways to puncture their prey.	Jabbing Spear
Seething energy crashes into the enemy, tearing at their flesh and driving them from their feet.	Savage Bolt
Grashrak has an innate understanding of the anarchic and the arcane.	Sorcerous Trinket
Amongst the Brayherds, the severed head of one's enemy is the ultimate symbol of status.	Trophy Taker

Skaeth's Wild Hunt:

Text	Card Name
In Beastgrave, there is no end to the hunt.	Aspects of Kurnoth
Once the quarry has been sighted, it is Karthaen's horn that calls the Wild Hunt.	Cry of the Wild
Preparation is the first step towards victory.	Gifts of Kurnoth
There are multiple ways to take down one's quarry.	Hunt's End
In the wilds, one must always be aware of their surroundings.	Kurnoth's Snare
It is Karthaen's hope that the Beastgrave itself will some day be scoured from the realms.	Purifying Rites
'Your blood shall flow free, and it shall wash away the corruption you have brought to this land.' - Sheoch, Kurnothi Tracker	Ritual Kill
'Your death is as inevitable as the changing of the seasons.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Run Down
'Die, foul creature. No longer shall you be a blight upon the realms.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Run Through
'Who can catch an arrow in flight? Its speed is its armour, and the source of its deadliness.' - Althaen, Kurnothi Tracker	Safety in Swiftness
The most fallow soil can be made fertile if seeded with enough bone and flesh.	Slay the Corrupted
The Wild Hunt seek to ensure that no more souls fall to the Katophrane curse.	Soulbinding
With a blast of his horn, the air itself, the air itself comes to Karthaen's aid.	Binding Wind
The Wild Hunt advance on their foes with the speed of a summer storm.	Fleet of Foot
Even in the cavernous depths of Beastgrave, the live-giving winds of Ghyran can blow strong.	Healing Breeze
'I am the Hunt! The Hunter grows within me!' - Sheoch, Kurnothi Tracker	Might of Kurnoth
The weal must be reaped so that the strong may thrive. That is the way of the hunt.	Pounce
'That which was made to run must run. That which was made to fly must fly. That which was made to kill must kill.' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Retrieve Javelin
The resounding blaze of Karthaen's horn imbues the members of the Wild Hunt with bountiful vigour.	Song of Swiftness
Just as they seek harmony in life, the Wild Hunt work in harmony to bring death to those who would desecrate the realms.	Strike in Concert
In the pursuit of their foes, the Kurnothi are as relentless as a winter's gale.	Swift as the Wind
Any enemy that values its life can be herded, given adequate provocation.	Battle Cry
The Kurnothi call upon their fallen god to drive their enemies from the lands that have been corrupted.	Divine Strength
There is no escaping thise fighter's fury when they have marked their prey for death.	Eye of Kurnoth
Althaen's arrows fall swift and sharp as monsoon rains.	Fast Shot
It is speed, not strength, that allows prey to outrun its predator, and a predator to close ground on its prey.	Great Strides
Even now, Kurnoth's gifts still protect those who are faithful to him.	Hale Charm
Those familiar with malkyn know that when their teeth are bared, it is already too late to run.	Hunting Aspect
'Bring life to the lands, and death to those who would despoil them.' - Kurnothi chant	Kurnoth's Mark
An enemy's offence becomes severely limited when their bones have been shattered.	Shield Slash
At Karthaen's call, the motes of life magic in Beastgrave coalesce into barbed projectiles that fly towards his foes.	Vicious Darts

Starter box universal cards:

Text	Card Name
When the enemy lie broken and bloodied to the last, then can the deep rumbling of Beastgrave be heard.	Annihilation
Stride forth boldly and seize that which belongs to your enemy.	Conquest
Hold fast to what is yours, no matter the cost.	Denial
Seize the howl-horn and let its mournful dirge echo through Beastgrave's heart.	Hold Objective 1
Capture the amber-bone riches of Ghur.	Hold Objective 2
The throne of tusks may be claimed only by one who is worthy.	Hold Objective 3
The worth of the gargant's blade is beyond imagination.	Hold Objective 4
Dare you don the mask of the Silent People?	Hold Objective 5
Seize the heart of the mountain, chamber by twisted chamber.	Supremacy
The cursed caverns within Beastgrave can disorient even the most keen-minded explorer.	Confusion
A morbid fume surrounds the casts, choking any foe that dare approach.	Eldritch Haze
'Nowhere have you left to run, nor any place to hide...' - Skaeth the Huntsman	Marked
The key to survival is being where your predators least expect.	Sidestep
The key to killing is to attack where your prey least expects.	Snare
An opponent cannot always be defeated, but they can always be made to pay for their actions.	Caltrops
The most fearsome creatures in Beastgrave are those who have adapted to survive in an environment of slaughter.	Great Fortitude
The bestial might of Ghur flows through this fighter's veins.	Great Strength
Driven by primal urges, this fighter watches their enemies for the slightest sign of weakness.	Predatory Instinct

Hello friends, today I thought it would be fun to take a look at the Milwaukee Bucks' cap sheet and make some general observations about what to expect from them this offseason and moving forward. It's another big offseason for them as they no doubt are looking to improve their core, or at the least keep it together for another run. Let's see what that might look like.
​
Here is the Bucks' cap sheet heading into the 2023 offseason:
green indicates player option, red indicates team option
So as of right now, the Bucks have over 157.8 million committed to 8 players, including Middleton and Carter who have player options. With the luxury tax line expected to fall around 162 million, re-signing their key free agents could get very expensive for ownership if Middleton does opt into the final year of his contract. The new second apron and its dreaded penalties aren't set to kick in until next season so management doesn't have to worry about that for now, but of course that doesn't mean there isn't a limit put on them for what they can spend.
Milwaukee's free agents include Lopez, Ingles, Crowder, Thanasis, Matthews, Dragic, and Meyers Leonard. Lopez is obviously the priority, but he has value on the open market and will expect fair compensation if he does decide to return. The purpose of this exercise is not to debate the value of certain free agents and how much they'll get this summer, but we need to make some estimates. Let's say Lopez re-signs with the Bucks for 3 years, 15 million per season. In a scenario where Middleton and Carter pick up their 2023-2024 options, Milwaukee's total salary would be at around 10.8 million over the luxury cap this summer with 6 roster spots to fill out.
The ownership has shown willingness to pay luxury tax in the past, but there's always going to be a limit. And now there are new complications with paying the tax bill thanks to the new CBA. The already infamous 2nd apron is staring down teams, daring them not to cross. Furthermore, the Bucks are set to pay the luxury tax for a fourth consecutive season, triggering the repeater tax, which is even more brutal under the new CBA. The tax increase is reportedly not set to take effect until next year, but teams will still have to plan accordingly. And even without the increase, the repeater tax is pretty brutal as it stands. Ownership dug into their pockets last season and paid out about 84 million in luxury tax after the team's payroll went almost 30 million over the line. However, if we assume that ownership is willing to pay the same amount this year, which isn't a given, then management can only allow the payroll to go about 24 million over the line for 2023-2024. While this is possible in a scenario where Middleton picks up his option and they pay Lopez around 15 million, it will involve a lot of veteran minimums and it's hard to see Milwaukee being able to use the taxpayer MLE to add a fresh face.
If management's desire is to bring back the core of the team and see how they perform under a new coaching staff, then I imagine they will look to negotiate a new deal with Middleton. Considering that he has 40.4 million sitting on the table, we shouldn't expect Khris to accept anything less than a large, long-term deal to replace it. Middleton opting out to sign a 4-year deal worth 28 million per year could make sense for both sides. From Khris's perspective it would be like adding 3 years for 72 million onto his current 40 million dollar deal, which is a fair extension for someone with his age and injury history. From the Bucks' perspective, they free up 12.4 million this season which they can use to comfortably re-sign Lopez and maybe even bring back Crowder or use the MLE in free agency.
Let's say that both Ingles and Thanasis re-sign to veteran minimum deals. Since it's probably an underpay, let's also say that Carter turns down his player option and re-signs for 2 years, 5 million annually. Here is what the Buck's cap sheet could *theoretically* look like after using the full taxpayer MLE, re-signing Middleton and Lopez, and filling out the roster with a couple vets and a rookie:
https://preview.redd.it/qavgdq3zwp3b1.png?width=807&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=fc5099fcc84b60c41be6d632380657308be912ba
Under this configuration, the Bucks can keep their choice of free agents and also utilize the taxpayer MLE to add a new player to help them on their mission to win another championship. Of course, I don't expect their front office to end up with this cap sheet exactly as there are many different paths that they can go this summer. However, the Middleton decision is absolutely a domino for them as it could mean the difference between being able to run it back with a new free agent addition or struggling to re-sign Lopez.
TLDR: The Bucks are set to pay into the luxury line for a fourth consecutive season, triggering the repeater tax. It will be expensive, but feasible to bring back their key players from last season. Negotiating a new long term deal with Middleton could open up room to allow them to utilize the tax payer MLE this summer.
So what do you think friends? Do you expect the Bucks to run it back next year? Should they try to sign Middleton to a new deal? Did you get any interesting observations from this exercise? Do your best Jon Horst impression and let me know!

Chat us on +44 7593880762 (Telegram/Whatsaap) if you are interested in Anthony Gallo - 14-Day Filmmaker.
Inside Anthony Gallo - 14-Day Filmmaker you will learn how to:
- Produce Cinematic & Emotional Videos: Unlock the secrets to creating stunning, emotionally impactful videos that captivate your audience.
- Save Time and Effort: Skip the months of trial and error and get straight to success. No more wasting time trying to figure it all out on your own.
- Affordable Equipment: Discover how we started with a Canon 70d and a $50 lens and still achieved outstanding results. You don't need a massive budget to create amazing videos.
- In-Depth Training: Dive deep into the art of filmmaking as we guide you through the entire process, from shooting to editing and everything in between.
- Master Camera Techniques: Learn how to shoot like a pro, compose captivating shots, and choose the perfect camera settings to bring your vision to life.
- Create Dynamic Movement: Discover techniques for creating fluid and captivating camera movement that adds a cinematic touch to your videos.
- Masterful Storytelling: Harness the power of storytelling to engage your audience and create compelling narratives that leave a lasting impact.
- Seamless Editing: Unleash your creativity in the editing room as you learn how to craft polished videos that stand out from the crowd…
… and much more!
You can benefit from the years of experience of Paul Xavier and Anthony Gallo. Since 2013, they shot over 200 commercials, generating tens of millions in profit for their clients.
If you are interested in Anthony Gallo - 14-Day Filmmaker, contact us at:
Whatsapp/Telegram: + 44 7593880762 (Telegram: silverlakestoreproducts)
Reddit DM to u/CourseAccess
Email: silverlakestore/@/yandex.com (remove the brackets)

Bonjour lads, is that time of the year where I contradict myself by looking for a friend whilst simultaneously avoiding any sort of social interaction irl.
Anyways, I'm a 23 yo man vibing through life at the speed of light and as much as my comfort zone involves anything that doesn’t include someone else, there’s still times when I wish I had someone to play games, watch movies with and all that friends stuff people said they do, at least until I take a nap and forget what happened in the last 4 hours after waking up.
I couldn’t think of a good transition so Ill just list some of my interests or what I generally do.

• Games are usually what you’ll find me wasting most of my time in, with pc being my main platform and also lately I’ve cleaned off the dust from the switch to become cripplingly addicted to TOTK. Do not tell my therapist the amount of koroks I’ve attached rockets to.
  
• I'm down to play most co op games. The list of games I've played can range from something like slime rancher to doom eternal so feel free to suggest anything that comes to mind
  
• I'm planning on becoming the next Arnold Schwarzenegger by working out a whopping 3 times a week, 30 min each day, maybe like 15 if you ignore the breaks in between.
  
• I work from home for around 6 hours a day so the amount of free time between the rest of the day and the weekends is one of the main reasons Im here
  
• I sometimes read manga mainly because long sentences makes me sleepy so books are pretty much a lost cause. As for anime I rarely watch anything nowadays but im open to suggestions and Id like to think I've watched enough in the past to recommend something if that’s what you are looking for.
  
• Bit of social anxiety and bad but improving english are the perfect excuses to avoid voice calls, at least for now. We can start with something like voice clips and make our way up hopefully to properly vc at some point, or we can just keep it to chat only, I don't mind either way.
  
• I'm hoping to move out to Europe next year, still unsure where exactly so any suggestions are welcome if you are from over there or have any experience in the matter, the colder the place the better:)
  
• Doubt time zones will be an issue considering the amount of free time and weird sleep schedules I sometimes have.
  

Brain dead and wont let me think of anything else so if you are desperate enough interested, my dms are open and lets hope I still remember how to talk with people, just be 18+ and don’t be creepy kinda weird.

I'm sure alot of users say this as well, but I do not mess with VBA/coding very much. I am writing code which will:

1. Take entries from a spreadsheet and populate Visio Shapes in a specific x,y location
2. Then connect the shapes with dynamic connectors based on info filled out by the user

The code that I have does accomplish this, however there is a specific scenario that seems to break it when I loop through the excel data.
After the shapes have been dropped into Visio, I then look at columns L (source connection) and B (destination connection) to see where I should glue the ends of the dynamic connector in Visio. This does work when the data is consistent (no gaps/blanks) between the start and end of the populated range. However, if there is a blank cell/row anywhere in the middle, I get an "Unexpected end of file" error.

Sub VisioNetworkAutomation() Dim ws As Worksheet Dim visApp As Visio.Application Dim visDoc As Visio.Document Dim visPage As Visio.Page Dim visStencil As Visio.Document Dim visShape As Visio.Shape Dim visConnector As Visio.Shape Dim boundingBox As Object Dim numberOfPages As Long Dim i As Long Dim deviceCountColumn As Long Dim lastDeviceRow As Long Dim endCell As Range Set ws = ThisWorkbook.Worksheets("Network Architecture") ' Set your worksheet and the column number you want to check numberOfPages = ws.Range("B9") ' Determines number of pages entered by user ' Create a new Visio document Set visApp = New Visio.Application Set visDoc = visApp.Documents.Open("C:\_EAA Network Automation\EAA Network_Blank.vsdm") For i = 1 To numberOfPages ' Create Visio pages, then sets the name and background Set visPage = visDoc.Pages.Add visPage.Name = "Page-" & i visPage.BackPage = "Background-1" Next i Set visStencil = visApp.Documents.OpenEx("EAA.VSSX", visOpenDocked) ' Open the Basic Shapes stencil deviceCountColumn = 10 ' Column to check = J, Change this to the desired column number (1 for Column A, 2 for Column B, etc.) lastDeviceRow = ws.Cells(ws.Rows.Count, deviceCountColumn).End(xlUp).Row ' Find the last non-empty row in the column Set endCell = ws.Cells(lastDeviceRow, deviceCountColumn) ' Set end cell ranges Dim dataRange As Range Dim cell As Range Dim xCoord As Variant Dim yCoord As Variant Dim connectionTemplate Dim idMatch As Range Set dataRange = ws.Range(Range("J12"), Range(endCell.Address(0, 0))) 'Sets the range from J12 to last populated cell in J column ' Loop through the range and store the cell values in the array For Each cell In dataRange connectionTemplate = cell.Value ' Grabs the Connection Template of the current cell row xCoord = cell.Offset(0, 4).Value ' Grabs the x-coordinate of the current cell row yCoord = cell.Offset(0, 5).Value ' Grabs the y-coordinate of the current cell row If IsEmpty(cell) = False Then Set visShape = visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 3).Value).Drop(visStencil.Masters(connectionTemplate), xCoord, yCoord) ' Drops current shape on current page visShape.Name = cell.Offset(0, -8).Value ' Write into Shapesheet data of shape visShape.Cells("Prop.Name.Value").FormulaU = Chr(34) & cell.Offset(0, -6) & Chr(34) 'Writes C4 to shapedata visShape.Cells("Prop.Model.Value").FormulaU = Chr(34) & cell.Offset(0, -5) & Chr(34) 'Writes D4 to shapedata visShape.Cells("Prop.IP.Value").FormulaU = Chr(34) & cell.Offset(0, -4) & Chr(34) 'Writes E4 to shapedata visShape.Cells("Prop.Subnet.Value").FormulaU = Chr(34) & cell.Offset(0, -3) & Chr(34) 'Writes F4 to shapedata visShape.Cells("Prop.Gateway.Value").FormulaU = Chr(34) & cell.Offset(0, -2) & Chr(34) 'Writes G4 to shapedata End If Next cell Set idRange = Range("L12:L51") For Each cell In idRange.SpecialCells(Type:=xlCellTypeConstants, Value:=xlNumbers) Set visConnector = visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 1).Value).Drop(visApp.ConnectorToolDataObject, 0, 0) ' Connect the shapes (ID to Source) visConnector.Cells("BeginX").GlueTo visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 4).Value).Shapes(cell.Offset(0, -10).Value).Cells("Connections.Left") visConnector.Cells("EndX").GlueTo visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 1).Value).Shapes(cell.Value).Cells("Connections.Right") Next cell End Sub 

The piece in question is the last For loop which checks all populated cells in idRange (column L).

 Set idRange = Range("L12:L51") For Each cell In idRange.SpecialCells(Type:=xlCellTypeConstants, Value:=xlNumbers) Set visConnector = visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 1).Value).Drop(visApp.ConnectorToolDataObject, 0, 0) ' Connect the shapes (ID to Source) visConnector.Cells("BeginX").GlueTo visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 4).Value).Shapes(cell.Offset(0, -10).Value).Cells("Connections.Left") visConnector.Cells("EndX").GlueTo visDoc.Pages("Page-" & cell.Offset(0, 1).Value).Shapes(cell.Value).Cells("Connections.Right") Next cell 

Again, when there are no breaks in data from cell to cell, the code runs fine. As soon as I introduce a blank, it fails.
I have added watches and troubleshot this extensively, and I can see after a blank cell, it cannot determine the id columns in excel (column L and B).
The files can be found here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1a_dJUVhRV8hTlQHQiDSxDoSd_pYYGiDU?usp=sharing
The current state of the files will error out, as I have left row 19 blank. To see the file work, simply copy the contents of row 18 or 20, to row 19. Thanks for any assistance here.

So once again this is another short video and this time it’s pretty good! Due to the support on the last one and the teasers, and let’s not forget about the little hints I made, I decided to make a sequel or continuation to the “Mine_Exploration.mp4” video! Oh and I’ll explain the lore of the “Mine_Exploration.mp4” video, and it goes a little something like this: Before the mines were closed off by the rubble, there were a group of miners, and one of them was Grimmstone, but some called him Grimm. He was a friendly man, and was a well respected man in the Gorilla Community. But one day, while he and his miner friends were busy well, mining a monster came out and started killing everyone, and unfortunately Grimmstone did not survive. And the place was closed off to keep the public safe, but one day someone ventured into the mines and was unfortunately trapped down there with the monster. And while he was down there, he heard the spirit of Grimmstone warning him to not follow the sound of the growling, but he didn’t listen and was eventually killed. And that is the lore of “Mine_Exploration.mp4” and if you want to watch the continuation, click the link below.
Here’s the link: https://www.reddit.com/useAdLevel1647/comments/13ze4ki/grimmstonemp4_gorilla_tag_vhs_tape_2/

Hello crab. This will be my last message for you.
Well, I just thought I should at least tell you exactly what I felt when you messaged me that you dreamt about me. I mean, you sending me a message after how many months is a real breakthrough. It was literally a pure shock, like you knew when to attack and fuck up my peace of mind. And honestly? I felt like you just made-up those scenarios in your head, saying that you dreamt about me and such. Maybe you built all of those scenarios after seeing my instagram posts and lurking on my profile for days. I don't know. That story in your dreams sounds like a fucked-up kdrama based on your narcissistic side of playing with other people's feeling and using it in your own poetry. I don't know what's real and what's not about you anymore.
By the way, I dated someone after you. He's a long time friend of mine, way before I met you. He stayed in my life for years, with a year of no contact because he needed to finish his military service in Turkiye. After being discharged, he searched for me through gmail and IG, updated me with whatever happened to him inside the base, about his parents in Germany, his sisters in Turkiye and all his nephews and the new-born ones. I also met his aunties and other relatives through live images, which you NEVER DID. The funny thing was that, you are the opposite of him. He's family oriented, he always wanted to know whatever the fuck is happening to me, my family and to my relatives. AND I KNOW HIS FULL NAME. He even showed me pictures of him when he was serving in the military and also his ID, which YOU NEVER DID. I don't even know if the name that you told me was really your first name. Fricking fucking aside, I don't even know your whole name yet I trusted you with my life story, my traumas and fears. And fuck me for trusting you because you only used my life as a subject for your windy lifeless poetry. Fuck me but fuck you more.
I just hope that you will be happy and contented with what you're doing with your narcissistic life. And good luck that girl you are seeing now. I hope you can be happy by loving people based on your fantasies and not for who they really are. Bro kdrama is kdrama. Stop fantasizing people all bc they looked like an anime, or your favourite kpop idol or whatsoever. Hope you'll be happy with a girl who's always at the bar every weekend, party nonstop and someone who is like a living anime (like you said) and looked like a mother with 3 children.
And please, for God's sake (even if you're an atheist), please settle your divorce first with your ex wife before you go and fuck every woman that you like to lick there in South Korea. You're a teacher, right? That doesn't sound like a life your students should idolize nor see.
You cut me out first. Don't expect that I will welcome you anytime in my life again, nor expect me to be happy and be excited to receive any fuckery made-up stories from you. We're done and long gone. You're just a letter in the alphabet for me, a ball-less poet, a lost crab and no mi cariad.
I am happy now with my family, friends and a real man who loved me even before seeing my face. And I hope you'll get the happiness you deserve too and I hope, it's not me.
PS: I didn't pushed through with sending one of your stories (series) in any publishing houses here in Manila, nor letting my brother who has connections and friends with famous writers here in the Metro. You simply don't deserve it. Maybe you only deserve to live your life as an aspiring writer not in London, Wales, South Korea nor here in the Philippines but only in Russia. Life in war mirroring yours, respectively.
I am not your, Lemon Cat

This is long. Sorry. Kind of.
My husband's behavior has been deteriorating since his dad died in 2020. Prior to this, he was an excellent dad and husband, and tbh the majority of the time he still is. But isn't that the nature of the beast? If they were monsters all the time, the decision to leave would be easier, wouldn't it?
I have three kids from a previous relationship (21m 20m and 17f) and we have one together (6f). He's been the dad figure to the older three since 2012. Their dad died and they treat my husband as a parent and vice versa.
Like I said, since his dad died, my husband has changed a lot. FTR, both of our dads died that year - mine in July from complications of diabetes, his in November from Covid.
Our most recent fight was a few nights ago. For a little context on it, our 17 year old is a graduating senior this year. Is has been a long struggle with mental health as she has had a lot of trauma with her bio dad's death at 6 after a long illness, then the loss of two adoring grandfathers close together during a pandemic that was really hard on the whole world. Attendance has been an issue.
Last week, she had two absences I thought had been mismarked so I contacted the school about them. It turns out one day she forgot to sign the roster sheet with a sub, and the next she was so tardy, it counted as an absence. I was upset with her for not giving me the whole story, as she had acted like she had no idea why she was marked absent and this is not the first time I've spoken up for her and come out looking stupid, but I try not to escalate her too much when I know her nerves are high (like right now as she's anxious about graduation) so I just told her that was pretty hurtful to me, and how if she had been honest I'd have approached it differently and more effectively, and how I really really don't like looking like an asshole.
My husband, on the other hand, got home and over dinner, started in about how often she's tardy. He started off fairly calm but quickly escalated into this aggressive not-quite-yelling thing he does, where he leans in and his whole posture is kind of intimidating. He is also 6'3" and almost 400lbs while my daughter is 5' even and I myself am 5'3" and 150lbs. He was ranting about how we "just" had another call about a tardy a few days before even, how we asked her to stop being tardy to first hour and she just can't respect us at all, she's "constantly" tardy.
Admittedly, she was frequently tardy earlier in the year, but she and I were both a little confused because aside from the one last week it has been a few weeks. So, I pulled the attendance up on my phone, thinking I could clear the argument up easily enough, we could see whether I got a call a "few days ago" or not. Attendance showed that the last tardy was, in fact, several weeks ago.
My husband slammed his hands on the table and yelled,
"Unbelievable. I can't believe you. You can't back me up. You can't be a united front with me."
I said I won't back him up if it means lying to our daughter, particularly in a way that punishes her or hurts her. Absolutely not. I pulled up that info on my phone to clear up the confusion and the info backed her. I won't lie to her. And he kept insisting the information was wrong, we had had a call, she had been tardy much more recently than that, I was wrong, we had a call just a few days before, he was sitting right next to me when I answered the auto-call about it. I said the school's attendance record was literally right here on my phone.
At this point he really lost it and started yelling at both of us, just laying into us. My daughter was hysterical and I told her she wasn't in trouble but she needed to take her food and go upstairs to her room, please. My husband moved to the couch and while my daughter ran by sobbing, he was still laying into her the whole way. "You just can't respect us, can you! Can you! Can you!"
A quick aside - Our six year old was at the table for a lot of this as well, but the 20yo who is currently home from college for the summer came downstairs and subtly snatched him up to his room to chill.
I told my husband he needed to take himself to the bedroom immediately and stop having a tantrum in the living room.
This is where the potential gaslighting comes in. I went in after him to use the bathroom and when I came out of the bathroom he had changed his tone. He was crying, and he told me,
"I'm genuinely concerned about you." I was like, what? And he repeated himself.
"I'm genuinely concerned that you don't remember that phone call we had just a few days ago. I'm genuinely concerned about your memory and your mental state. I wouldn't be this vehement about it if it hadn't happened, Aceface. I'm so concerned about you right now."
I told him, no. No, no, no. He is not going to do that. He is not going to call into question my mental health when he is losing the fight. That is abuse, that is gaslighting, and I will not stand around and be abused and he can get right out. He yelled at me to stop using "stupid reddit words" and closed down entirely.
Regarding the phone calls, I can't use my call logs to prove anything because all auto-calls from the school come from the same number, whether about tardies and attendance or about after school clubs or school lock downs. I did, however, remember that for ever call I get for a tardy, I also get a text, so I was able to go back and find that and my last text about a tardy was in line with what the attendance records had. Several weeks ago. This was not adequate proof for him. He is still convinced, days later, that I am wrong. Though he is being fine and normal now, at least.
This is not the man I married, or the man he was for the first 6 years of it.
He does also have a supposedly "benign" issue in his brain that can cause cognitive impairment, depression, and mood changes. He has an appointment for it coming up. I am not able to go to appointments with him and since he doesn't think he has mood or behavior problems, he won't bring this up with the doctor. He will not seek counseling or therapy because he says it would just be "one more chore."
He is a lawyer, ftr.

I'm a 34-year-old man (34M) dealing with long-standing mental health issues like depression and anxiety, which started even before I met my 29-year-old partner (29F). I'm using a secret account out of fear she might discover this. We've spent 12 years together and have a wonderful 3-year-old daughter (3F). Although I'm not in any danger and am seeking professional help, I'm in dire need of some friendly advice.
Our relationship has been strained due to a persistent lack of physical intimacy. Despite years of trying to communicate about it, there's been no change. I'm always the one initiating affection. When we decided to start a family, we used IVF. It hurt, especially since I felt it was because she found me unattractive for the natural process. She even asked me to lie about the frequency of our intimacy to get access to IVF treatment. Past efforts to go to couples counselling were met with stonewalling on her end. She shuts down when conversations get hard.
Following our daughter's birth, what little physical closeness we had almost disappeared. The only time my partner initiates anything is when she's heavily intoxicated. This reality has escalated my mental health struggles, leading to hospital stays and self-harm attempts. To cope, I've resorted to marijuana. My partner disapproves, labeling it an addiction. While I might agree, I don't see it as the core issue.
I know that my behaviour is also probably a factor in all of this, but I am out of options. She will not talk about it unless I am in a crisis, and even then I feel like she refuses to compromise. I am genuinely trying to be as open minded as I can be about this. She might simply be asexual. Maybe she’s just not attracted to me. That’s OK. I just think I need more out of a relationship, and maybe I should be with someone else.
I've suggested couples therapy for our daughter's sake. I'm uncertain whether I still love my partner. The lack of touch and care is painfully palpable. When I fall ill, she shows annoyance rather than concern. I'm feeling lost. My parents, who love her deeply, are taken aback by my thoughts of leaving. I'm seeking advice, a fresh viewpoint, a new perspective on my situation.
What should I do?

I've been dealing with feelings of jealousy about preferential treatment towards my younger sister for a long time and I want to vent.
I was born soon after my parents married- both fresh MBBS doctors, they hadn't done their PG yet. They trained in the US- they sent me back to grow up with my maternal grandparents when I was 4. Though they didn't have much money they sent me American toys every 6 months or so (a lot of which my grandma would lock away) but otherwise I wasn't very connected with my parents. My grandma had a foul mouth and a nasty temper- I was physically and emotionally abused a lot. She'd constantly compare me with my fairer skinned cousin next doors who had better handwriting and was a stronger singer too. She'd tell me my art was talentless trash and curse and beat me while supervising piano and other activities she deemed more worthy. There was a prized male servant who sexually abused me there too ages 6 to 9. From a bubbly kid I became sad and fragile- nobody really noticed or questioned why. My dad would visit every year or so and push me to new impossible standards to acheive- he'd berate me for being dark and chubby, not smart enough, not athletic enough, etc. Mom came back when I was 10, pregnant with my sister. We lived with my dad's family where my mom was treated poorly, more like a maid. Dad came back when I was 13, never confronted his family on mom's behalf though. We moved to the maternal grandparents house again and at 14 my old abuse story came out and the grandparents said I was lying rather than to have to lose that guy. There were other clashes too so we moved out to a tiny rented home. Mom had breast cancer the next year at just age 36 and went away for treatment. That's when I started putting in effort in my studies and became a topper going on to do MBBS and MD by merit in a top college (Yaay me!). I have a lot of childhood trauma (a lot more in college and beyond too) and have had very very low self esteem but I managed to reach here.
I don't know if my parents were ready to have me back then- or if my very existence makes them feel guilty about the ways my childhood got messed up but they'd tell me, the sensitive teenager that I'm not "strong" like them and I have all my bad traits are coz I grew up in "THAT house". My dad is a narcissist and my mom is a passive enabler. I only started standing up to them when I was 28.
The younger one came along when i turned 10. Dad was back in 3 years and I was off to college when she turned 6. Our lives didn't overlap much. She grew up in better circumstances- parents were doing well and they bought her A LOT of gadgets (a good digital camera, a Nintendo Wii, not one but TWO Nintendo DSes). Parents were always tight lipped about money so I always thought we didn't have enough and I didn't have enough self esteem to ask for stuff even when she got hers (shouldn't they have just matched purchases themselves?). I'd ask her to share but she didn't like to, was quite sadistic - my parents would mock me saying "have some self respect! Don't grovel! She's younger too" (don't most elders teach us to share?!). She had chaperones ensured everywhere she went (because of my old abuse). She was allowed to say the RUDEST things and get away with them. She grew up very shielded, entitled and sadly vain and shallow. She's fairer, thinner and taller so dad would tell her- your sister has the brains, you have looks, we'll marry you off if you don't study well and get into college. Princess chose a very expensive private college, got distracted by romance, sports, culturals and everything else and flunked 1st year. It was very stressful for us all- she didn't care. She's had panic attacks since school days so my parents were careful to get her therapy to cope (they have been mocking me for going recently). Mom immediately dropped everything to go be with her for a few weeks (she's done this for her a few times, never for me- heck I needed spine surgery 3 years ago and my parents were delaying showing up coz they prioritized their hospital inspection). With half ass efforts she barely passed a year later and is in 2nd year now. She is cold and manipulative and has my parents wrapped around her little finger.
I'm a very straightforward person who ends up butting heads with my parents more because I'm not as traditional as them. They call me immoral, the black sheep, tell me that I have multiple demons in me. I have yearned for their acceptance for YEARS and have just started giving up. It all seems unfair to me. My sister is getting even nastier with age and keeps trying to widen the gap between the parents and I. How did she turn out so awful? I recently asked my dad why I always got the short end of the stick- he robotically said "each child will be provided for as per their needs". No further explanations. He also told me that my sister is the most important relationship I'll ever have in life and so to stay cordial (like he spinelessly stays nice to his brother that treated us like shit- and my mom too to her selfish sisters and parents).
Maybe being around me is hard for them? Especially mom (very religious vs atheist me)? She was due to visit this month but is now humming and hawing. They are currently busy indexing old question papers in my sisters text books (the heck?! They NEVER put in this much effort for me- Dad never taught me physics but called me dumb for not being good at it but actually bought books and sat and taught her.. and they've been working like some sweatshop over question papers the last few days.) Sis video called to show me that on some other dumb pretense- she likes rubbing my nose in it. She flippantly tells me to let my past go coz "we all have trauma" and to stop criticizing the parents (easier for her to say coz they have done WAY MORE for her).
Maybe they shouldn't have had me back in 1991. They have never been kind or supportive to me after then either. I'm also a "failure" to them because they couldn't find me a groom since I turned 23. Dad wants me to move off abroad and find someone. They mock me to my face but brag about my acheivements to strangers- it's absolutely retarded.
I'm upset. How do I deal with the poor treatment of myself gracefully without seeming juvenile? It affects me too much.

For contexts sake, i work inbound stow at an AR FC.
Jumping into this job like everyone else on this sub has stated, Stow & pick is a introverts wet dream. I’ve always been pretty introverted, or so i thought….
Get in, stay out of the bottom 8% keep quality in mind and just keep it pushing.
I’m a rehire, and have gone through a lot in my personal life in the last few months. Not much of a social circle anymore other than the few occasional friends i stay in contact with here and there outside of work.
But man.. As much as i love my me time i have been dying to talk to literally ANYONE. And sad enough, i’m the type of person to never go out of my way to make the first engagement. Social anxiety blah blah..
But this is just a silent thanks to other associates, and AM’s who i see everyday in the FC that stop to say hi to me and just shoot the shit for a minute or two. It really does help get through the day and it definitely helps boost the morale

Ive known this girl for about 6 years, we were childhood online friends. Last year we ended up meeting and dating from early November till 2 weeks ago. She broke up with me because of the distance, and truly the relationship was amazing, and i believe her when she says that. She stands firm in that we will still be friends, although she needs some space for now. She still texts me most days and we talk about everything, including just how were doing with the breakup. However ive been taking it a lil harder than ive been telling her recently tbh. And last night i finally told her how ive been sad about everything and how it's not been easy yk, and she told me it made her feel horrible about putting me through this pain when it was never about the relationship. She said she needed space for a day or 2. My worry is that, as its been a confusing time for me being broken up with and everything, and text not being the best way to convey emotions, and my mind maybe oversharing, maybe i said too much. When we were dating, we had stories for each other on Snapchat where wed just post videos for each other thru the day and such just randomly so the other person would see it whenever they stumble on it. Ive been debating posting a short video just saying that im okay and that like while i wont say it doesnt hurt ultimately im also okay and im going to grow as always and be okay. And maybe say like i hope she has a good day or something. She is currently asleep as far as ik, its pretty late, so she would probably wake up and see it in her morning routine. Is it too much though? She asked for space from me and i wanna respect her wishes but i also dont want her to feel like shit. I also feel like a short video would be a better way of conveying emotions than a text or even a voice message. Thanks :')
TLDR: long distance doesnt work but were tryna be friends. We texted last night, i maybe overshared about being sad, she said she feels horrible for putting me thru that when it wasnt the relationship it was the distance. I wanna snap her quickly and just say im okay and im gonna grow and be okay. Not sure tho because she asked for a day or 2 of space last night and i wanna respect that as well, but i dont feel like she should feel like a bad person either

My father died the 25th of December 2021. That year, we had a really small gift exchange between my mother, my brother and me. We originally wanted to be with my father at the hospital that day, but he was already too far gone, and even if we didn't admit it out loud, we all knew we wouldn't see 2022.
The thing is : my brother and I didn't really have a close relationship with my father. We were sad when he passed, but I must have cried a day or two. I don't associate his death with Christmas, neither do my brother.
Mu mother does it. Last year she absolutly wanted to forget about Christmas, and insisted on going to a foreign country. I organized a trip to Spain. I wanted to include my brother, but that would have also included my SIL, and my mother can't stand her. As a result, I had to have a very akward conversation with my brother about what our plan for Christmas were. I could tell he waq a bit hurt we didn't ask him before making the plans. But he got to celebrate with his inlaws, who are VERY MUCH into celebrations, more like my family ever was. Apparently, it was really nice.
The thing is : I accepted to forget about Christmas one year for the sake of my mother, but she now acts as if I accepted to do it every year. She is stating that I promised we would go the a foreign country every year, to do tourism instead of celebrating.
I never did. When I told her that I still wanted to celebrate Christmas, and maybe sometimes with my brother, she answered that Christmas was not important, "It's the same every year, what is the point ? Gift is for birthday, at Christmas you better throw an envelopp full of cash !" I suggested we may try to do a celebration with my brother's inlaws. Her response : "they make 20 plates, it seems so boring !" Once again, my family has never been into real celebration. They taught my brother and I the celebration yoj see on TV, whether for Christmas or Birthday, are just for TV. Our birthday didn't have eveb a cake before my 18th where I decided to organize my own party for the first time. Best I ever had.
When we talked about our plans this year, I was adament I wanted to celebrate Christmas. She was adament that she wanted to travel, and if I wasn't on board, then she'll go alone.
I feel letting her leaving alone would make me a jerk. But I also really want to celebrate Christmas. I don't have any family outside of my mother and brother.
I don't think it's a legacy my father would have cared leaving for us. He made great effort every year to piss on every thing we made for Christmas, and not one into finding us gifts...
So : how can I explain to my mother that this really bothers me ? Thab even if it's the sale every year, I really like Christmas and actually want to do bigger parties than I ever had in ly childhood ? That I don't associate my father with that day ?
I know it's really early, but she is already looking into plane tickets.

So Id like to start by saying I never want to get back with my ex but I'm not able to get rid of her from my mind. I left her because of alot of reasons that built up over the years and I finally could not take it.
Unfortunately I've noticed that whenever I'm in an anxiety driven situation or any incident happens, that night I tend to get nightmares about my ex in some form or the other. I call them nightmares instead of dreams because most of the time I'm anxious in the dream as well.
Tonight I woke up at 4am again where I had a nightmare. My ex who was blocked on every platform somehow got through and was calling me. I didn't pick up but got anxious. For some reason I called back (irl I've resisted the callback alot as I've got alot to say but I wanted to cut the connection completely) and luckily she didn't pick up. But after a minute she kept calling back again and again and when I picked up it was a video call where she was smiling and telling me nasty things and was for some reason giving me updates on how she moved on. The next minute she would switch to pleading to return and again go back to gloating how she doesn't need me.
Now I don't want to pay my own back and say I'm wonderful and so amazing that she would plead for me to come back but in reality she did alot for months when we broke up.
I even met her the day I broke up to give her closure but she zoned out alot that day and infact sexual harrased me alot. Few days later was valentine's day and I know alot of people will think it's really sad I broke up before that but I did for a reason. I couldn't fake it anymore. I was not able to smile, laugh and pretend anymore and I thought this would give her false hope for another month for me to again feel like things aren't working. A week later was her birthday and yes I was extremely guilty but again as I said, i couldn't fake it. Valentine's day and then throwing a celebration for her birthday (I did this every year and Is generally keep it special but this year I could not) seemed to just endorse a false Reality for a longer time. Things were miserable. I empathized and sympathize alot (not cause I'm better or anything but because of guilt) so i still picked her calls up after we broke up and didn't block her. But then things got nasty. In order to make herself feel better, I got really horrible messages, blame for things I never did, constant pleading and she even landed below my house multiple times and cried in the street which I had to handle in front of my entire community (my sister practices buddhism and it was a big day that for her, she had invited alot of people to our house to chant together and wanted my family and I to be there to support but due to this incident I was really rattled because my ex was down crying while everyone was in the house, my ex knew about this meeting because it was planned months in advance). As the messages got nasty I blocked her. First on WhatsApp, then on Facebook, then on Instagram (all 4 accounts of hers), then on Google meet, teams, i don't even know where all, as she kept finding me and messaging. Even on email. Her emails still come through in my spam and it's made me very anxious as I still land up checking the spam folder everyday in fear and clear it. It's become a bad habit. Randomly I'll get calls from odd numbers and it'll turn out to be her friends phone and she will talk and I cut the call. I even got video calls on Google meet from her 3rd and 4th email which I had to block.
It may sound brutal but I really tried to give closure to her on the day we broke up, I spent 5 hrs at house explaining everything and instead she zoned out that day and kept get distracted as if she doesn't care and kept sexual harrasing me. Pulling my shirt and unbuckling my pants which unfortunately as a guy I can't push her away i can only tell her several times to stop.
Now I'll be completely honest but I did not tell her every single thing as to why I broke up with her because the anxiety was so much. I was trying to break up since a while and finally did it. I'm extremely socially anxious and everything makes me very nervous when I'm unfamiliar. It's only my second relationship and first time I was serious, my first relationship only lasted 3 months and that was my therapist telling me to explore because I need to be out there. The reason I never said everything is because 1. I didn't want to hurt her ofcourse, it's nasty to hear someone you loved talk about things that can be looked at as flaws but in reality they were affecting me and it was really unhealthy for the both of us 2. I didn't know myself, I knew things are not right but it's only after the break up I've truly understood them 3. I was nervous as she kept saying she wants to suicide from the balcony and threatened me alot of I left that night 4. I genuinely am bad at confrontations, I cannot do it, the pressure makes me run away mostly or just let it be as is.
Over the course of the relationship I had become very dependent on her as socially she's the only person I met. Every weekend or weekday for 2.5 years. I suffered from depression and anxiety alot growing up and often found it hard to make friends. In college however things changed and for those years I was really open. As I did my master's in another country I became reserved again. Returning back home I lost touch with everyone and became a workaholic. For 6 years I worked say and night, had only 2 friends and stayed in my room mostly depressed. Work took me around the globe, I lived in LA for a year and then once covid hit I returned home where during the lockdown I decided " let's try to open up a bit more and meet someone, it's time ". I was very open from the get go that I'm horrible at socializing, I've got only few friends whom I hardly meet, I can be very quiet sometimes and enjoy my own company as well sometimes and I'm a terrible planner for "fun weekends". I know my flaws and I've accepted it. My ex on the other hand was very emotionally dependent on me. She would call me at a stop of a hat and panick and there were days where I've left calls in between to help her through her anxiety. She was younger than me by 3 years and was just going through the phases of career while I was going into a senior position and had seen these phases. I guided her alot on it and so family problems, work problems, random people bothering her, stress anything she would talk to me and I was ever ready to talk. No complaints as that's what partners do. However it became without any boundaries, she would often expect me to drop everything and tend to her. Days where I've got major deliveries to make, she would throw tantrums and in one instance I was supervising the biggest project of my life and she threw lots of tantrums as we worked weekends and 24 hrs round the clock. It was the biggest movie of the country at the time and the first big hit post covid. (i work in the film industry).
I mentioned my flaws earlier as those became her focus of complaint. My insecurities were her complaints about me and she even once broke up with me over "lack of friends and not being a man enough because I can't plan things for the weekend", no doubt she taught me how to have a good time, I had no idea which restaurant to book, what cuisine to pick, which area to book this weekend which is exciting, how to do more fun activities other than dinners and going to cafes etc and for the first I learnt what's a staycation cause of her. I guess she felt the burden was on her but then again anything I'd book she would cancel it anyways. I booked several restaurants that were good but she'd cancel it anyways and then ehen someone else would recommend the restaurant she'd agree to go. It's almost like I had no say in anything anyways so I put my hands up. My social anxiety 5 years was at an all time high and I couldn't even order food as I'd feel the waiter would judge me (which they often did) , I attended lots of therapy for these weird quirks of mine which to an average person seemed like no biggie but it genuinely made me nervous. I got over and thought by the time I met her I'd made good progress, I was able to pick up the phone and book things sometimes, I could order food, I was fine with video calls (I'm very conscious of how I look as I was bullied alot in school), I tried to participate in everything and I gave in all my efforts instead into understanding her and learning who she is first and putting my fears aside. However I feel she didn't do the same. For a long time i believed she understood exactly whats wrong with me and empathized and put it aside but i realised as the taunting went on and the gas lighting that she looked at them as flaws. She didn't bother to understand them or see them but instead gave me notes like a teacher and complained alot on how I'm not social. Infact on her birthday she kept messaging me she's alone so I felt guilty and called and instead she complained about all my insecurities and I had to take it quietly. She even said "I'll make sure the next person treats me like woman and is a real man" which really hurt me alot. I cried that night because of guilt and shame. Guilt because I wanted it work and it didn't and so I had to pull the plug and Shame because for first time in a long time I felt ashamed for who I am.
Today the anxiety driven situation was a social situation. I've come to the US for a family friends wedding and although I know people it's really making me nervous. Indian weddings last the entire week and this wedding has 250 people who have eyes on me constantly as I know few of them or my family knows them. Today was the first day and as usual I was lost, my sister on the other hand is extremely social and I used to depend on her. However a year ago she got drunk in a wedding again while we were out of town and told me "You're social life depends on me you loser" and then proceeded to abuse me alot for no reason while I was helping her as she puked. This wedding it makes me nervous and alone, I cling to my parents and the younger crowd stares at me alot pulling me to dance and I'm very awkward. Idk how to join in or have fun I'm very conscious and Idk any of the songs as I generally don't enjoy Hindi music (not cause of snobbishness but cause I don't get it, I'm more into exploring mellow music and Bollywood sounds all the same to me, also working in Hollywood and Bollywood I'm fed up of movies so I don't watch half of them).
I'm sorry for the long post, it's just that I'm awake and wondering why I got these nightmares, how to get rid of them, how to survive the next few days and what am I doing with my life. There were alot of pretty girls here today and all I could think of was "They are all too much fun for me, I'll bore them to death"