(Hi, I'm Ben! I'm posting this for my friend and DM, K (she/they) and I'll be helping a bit in the process of finding players)
Welcome to Fold The Deck! It's a campaign in a homebrewed world that I began to design...somewhat recently? But due to my hyperfixation, I already have a ton of it done (most of it, really). In this world, you'll be playing as somebody of high social standing, someone that has to weave their way through the delicate nature of high society while also keeping your allies close and your enemies closer. In addition to this, there's a sinister plot going on in the background that you, and your newly found companions, just might have to stop in order to save your own skin.
We have two players currently! Each player is using one of the archetypes from Good Society as the launch point of their character; so far, the Heir and the Cornerstone have both been picked! Other than that, any of the archetypes are available as a starting point (again, that is as I'm writing up this message, so keep 1-3 in mind that you might want to play as! Your options, just in case you're unaware, include the following; The Socialite, The Dowager, The Dependant, The New Arrival, The first code word is Gambit, The Meddler, The Hedonist, The Tutor, and The Careerist).
The whole base concept of this is similar to the base concept for Dimension 20's 'A Crown of Candy', though I can promise that this will be nowhere near that brutal (at least, in terms of combat)! Except instead of Candy Land, this world (or at least, the society you're all playing in) is based on playing cards; more specifically, the game War (in which Aces are the most powerful (those are the gods of this realm), and 2s are the least powerful (the poorest of commoners)). So the social hierarchy is Aces (again, the gods of this realm; deity is the second code word), then the royal families (Kings, Queens, Jacks, and 10s), the nobility (9s, 8s, and 7s), the middle class (6s and 5s), and then the lower class (4s, 3s, and 2s). Your character will end up being a 6 at the very lowest!
The campaign will be beginning on the day before the most important event of the year, for commonfolk and royalty alike; The Festival, which is a one-month-long huge holiday event that happens during the exact middle of the year! I plan to have the campaign run through two separate festivals, so for at least a year and a month. And years last for 15 months in this world, so for at least 16 in-game months! Though we can certainly do more if the party wants to! I've had a lot of fun developing this world so far, and I can definitely find ways to expand upon the plot!
The day will be alternating Saturdays, and time is not decided yet. The time zone is EST but as long as you can make it to session your time zone doesn't matter. The reason for the rating is due to mature themes; also, myself and the current players are all adults, and we have an adult sense of humor. Also, there are themes that I don't feel comfortable exploring with minors, so if you're not 18 or older, please don't apply! Also, please don't apply if you're over 30; this is just a personal preference, I don't want to play with people that are more than a decade older than me, you know? Oh! Also! The final code phrase is 'The Horror, The Cat, and The Crow'. Thank you so much for reading my little posting! Oh, and here's the link to the Google application form! https://forms.gle/pwDyyiH2hbQMe3AFA

My family is about as TBM as it gets. Every family sealed, every young man serves missions, most of the young women too. My grandpa is a patriarch, my uncle is a general authority. Everybody goes to the temple all the time.
Of all the extended family (nearing 70 people now) I only know of 5 family members, including my wife and I, who are out of the church. Everyone else is as all-in as you can be.
Or so I thought.
We just had a family reunion, and I saw and heard things I never would have seen or heard from this family when I was growing up. The young women were wearing tank tops and short shorts. A male cousin had earrings. I heard “damn”, “shit”, and “oh my god”. I know those are small things to most people, but this is a family that thinks “stupid” is a bad word and bare shoulders are slutty. I was absolutely stunned to see these changes. They’re just silly little things, but it made me happy to see people being more comfortable being themselves, even if it was against church guidelines.
It feels like there’s a general shift towards being more relaxed with church culture rules like modesty, language, etc. Are other people seeing this?

I'm staying at my nana's house right now and looking at old photos from when I was a kid & it's literally left me crying.
I was so pretty as a child. And you can really see where I started getting ugly, it was when I was like 10. Granted it was like 2009 so not the most beautiful fashion, but my face & hair are just so ugly. Glasses, braces, messy hair, ugly clothes.
Throughout my teens my beauty ebbed and flowed. 14/15 was pretty horrendous as I went through an Ariana Grande phase where I wore pink dresses, bows, etc and it made me look so childish.
I think I looked okay at 16/17/18 but I also became overweight in this time and when I was 18 I also got hideous bangs.
Then at 19 I bleached my hair and it was literally yellow for a year. 20 is when my face/hair looked better but I was still overweight so from like 16-22 my style was horrible as I wore ugly clothes out of insecurity.
I lost 25lb when I was 22 and gained a lot of confidence. I'm 24 now and definitely think I'm prettier now than I have been in the past 10 years of my life, but now I just feel regret for being so ugly before.
I know this is a harmful way of thinking but obviously were taught being young is the prime of your life. Well I'm nearly 25 now and it feels like I've wasted most of my youth being overweight, ugly & unstylish.
And it's not just purely being ugly that is upsetting, it's the fact that that has affected my confidence & how I act/present myself. I feel like I could've done so much more in my life so far if I had just not been so friggin ugly.

The Red Car
It was crispy and dark november night. Eric was enjoying a night walk after dinner. He was walking around on a dirt road while gazing at the stars. This always made him relaxed especially when he had a bad day. The dirt path was surrounded by trees but they were far enough to not block the sky. The most important thing about this road was that it was quiet. He have rarely seen somebody during his walks,there were no cars or speeding bikes to create disturbance in this peaceful part of the world. To avoid any distrubance he usually left his phone back at his apartment. So he could enjoy his walk peacefully without someone calling him to ruin his personal time.
While walking he saw a car parked at the edge of the dirt road. Its hood was open but there weren't any moving flashlight to indicate someone near it. He thought this was weird as people dont usually travel along this road as it ends up at a dried up pond. He decided to check it out and see if he could help in anyway.
As he approached he noticed the car was not in a good condition. The red paint was worn from many places and some of the places were rusted. He was so fixated on the car,he jumped out of his skin when he heard the voice from car.
"Help,is someone out there,please if there is anybody out there please help me." It was a woman's voice coming from the trunk of the car. Eric could not believe what he was hearing. He immediately went beside the car.
"What happend, were you kidnapped, are you hurt?" He asked the questions one after another not waiting for the reply in his panic.
"Yes, I was kidnapped. Please get me out of here. He could return at anytime. I dont know how much time has left till he returns. Just get me out of here. I dont want to die." She said hurriedly as if fearing that the kidnapper may return at any point of time.
"Calm down miss, i will try to get some help and get you out of there. Do you have any idea how long until he arrives ? " he asked trying to calm her while thinking of a way to get her out of the trunk.
"No please dont go" she said urgently " you cant leave me here alone what if he returns while you are gone, you are my only chance of getting safely out of here."
Eric cursed himeself silently for leaving his phone at home. He asked about her name while trying to figure out how to open the trunk.
"My name is Katie." She replied.
" Okay, listen katie I am going to find some thing to break the window and check if the trunk can be opened from the inside of the car. I will be right back so dont worry." He said.
" Okay,but please hurry up and get me out of here." She begged.
He walked sideways off the dirtpath and started looking for something to break the window. While looking for a rock be caught a glint of something in the moonlight. He squinted and realised he was looking at keys.
He stooped to pick the keys while thinking how lucky he would be if these were the car keys. When his hands reached the keys a thought rushed in his mind. What if all of this was a trap. He could almost feel the cold metal of the gun on his back. He was waiting for the gunshot and took a relieved breath when it didnt arrive. He hurridly walked back to the car.
He put the keys in the lock of trunk and turned the keys. He heard the resounding click. He felt immense relief as he was worried he have the wrong keys. He pulled the trunk up while saying " Lets hurry up,bef-"
These were the last words Eric uttered as a snake like tentacle emerged from the car and swolled Eric whole. The tentacle retracted back and the trunk closed automatically.
After a few minutes, a black figure emerged from the tree lines and picked up the keys put the front hood down and went inside the car and started it.
"Just a few more, and you will be as new as if you were made yesterday." He said while caressing the steering wheel.
The pathes where the paint was missing gradually started filling up and the color became slightly brighter. The crumbling leather seats started mending themselves.
The car moved and left behind a plume of smoke resembling a man.

Hopefully getting an offer letter soon with a job located in DC and they've told me to start looking at relocating. The job pays 130k a year.
I heard of a couple of surrounding areas were decent if you didn't want to live in DC proper (I imagine it's too expensive to live there on that salary): Alexandria, Arlington, Herndon, Sterling, Reston, and Falls Church.
I don't want to spend more than an hour commuting each way (although that might be near impossible) and it's just me and my three pets (two cats and a medium dog).
Thanks!

Artist: Emm Gryner Album: Science Fair
If you dont know Emm Gryners music I highly recommend. She's a great canadian singer songwriter (some of her biggest fans were Bono and Bowie) she still makes music and also wrote a book which is on my "to read" list.
In terms of streams her album Science Fair doesnt get anywhere near as many plays as I think it ought to: can someone listen to it and tell me if Im only connected to this album because it was in heavy rotation for me during an important part of my life (early 20s) or if it really is objectively a great album?
Worst case: you listen to it and tell me so that I can just be ok with this album being special to only me
Best case: you hear something new and she gains a new fan

Bedoli of Rito village (near the top where you first start Region Quest) asks for chillfin trout, glowing cave mushroom and glowing cave fish in exchange for arrows. I have multiple of all 3 materials, but she only ever asks for the trout. Even when i have 0 trout but 20 mushrooms, she still doesnt let me trade.
Anyone else having this issue?

Special thanks to u/That_guy_why for letting me remake this thread

Roger Smith and The Big O

"Big O! Showtime!"

Opening
Roger Smith is a Negotiator in Paradigm City, a city whose residents lost all memories 40 years ago. He will negotiate nearly anything, from kidnappings to pet ownership, for nearly anyone, provided both sides of the negotiation play fair. However, he refuses to work with the Paradigm Corporation unless absolutely necessary. Roger is also the pilot of the Big O, one of the giant robots known as Megadeuses. Whenever the city is threatened by another Megadeus or a giant monster, Roger calls in Big O to save the day.
Hover over the feat for the episode number.

Roger Smith

"My name is Roger Smith. My other name is Negotiator, a much-needed job here in Paradigm City, a city that has lost its memory"

The Watch

• Used to call Big O to his location
• Alerts Roger that he has been locked onto with a missile launcher
• Has a grappling line
  • Grabs the top of a building after jumping out of a window
  • Grabs the railing of a walkway and pulls himself and Angel up
  • Grabs the fender of his car while its on top of a factory roof
  • Swings from a gargoyle
  • Ascends a building, grabbing Norman along the way
  • Takes down Vera from a distance
• Has a radar that shows Big O's position
• Communicates with Norman
• A laser that cuts through a metal cuff

The Griffon

• Armors itself to prevent theft
• Roger uses the watch to have the car fire missiles
  • Blows a hole in the roof of a factory and drops two missiles into it
• Has a radio and video screen inside
• Has machine guns on the front that tear through wooden signs
• Can self-drive
• Picks up police radio and changes its color
• Drives through a brick wall
• Bulletproof with the armor activated and drops mines to blow up robots
• The guns, missiles, and mines destroy robots and a road barricade
• Warns Roger of danger

Physicals

Strength

• Pulls Dorothy free from wiring and carries her
  • Dorothy is stated to weigh 130 kg and a man can't move her
• Throws a chair through the window of a submerged building
• Snaps the device controlling Dorothy in half
• Breaks out of metal cuffs

Durability

• [Limit] Gets knocked out by a taser
• [Limit] Gets knocked out by a blow to the head with a rifle
• Jumps out of a window unharmed
• Falls off a ladder
• Runs through fire
• Shrugs off getting knocked back by an explosion at his feet
• Gets smashed through the top of a stone column
• Gets crushed by Dorothy for a time
  • Dorothy can lift and throw a bicycle and two men with one hand and knocks a locked prison door out of its frame

Speed/Agility

• Catches up to a small submarine on foot
• Dodges bullets
• Jumps a fair distance through a window and lands in his car as its driving
• Dodges a crane
• Dodges swipes from an android
• Blocks a surprise stab from behind with a book

Skill/Misc

Resources

• Has an informant
• His butler Norman maintains and repairs his car and Big O
  • Norman carries a big gun

Skill/Intelligence

• Can tell that the Griffon's break efficiency has dropped by 1/8th
• Uses Dorothy as a decoy to draw enemy fire
• Repositions Big O so that the Megadeus trying to reel him in is pushed back
• Gets out of the ropes he's tied up in
• Though he doesn't carry a gun and refuses to shoot people, he's a fairly accurate marksman
• Explains how to negotiate kidnappings
• Blinds Big Duo with the Chrome Buster, allowing him to dodge his attack unseen
• Uses his jacket as a decoy while fleeing a pursuer
• Hears Alan ready his gun from a distance away
• Grabs a pipe (from somewhere) to counter Alan rushing him with a sword
• Throws Alan over his shoulder

Misc

• Makes pretty good scrambled eggs
• Not very good at painting faces

Misc Gear

• Activates a briefcase with jets attached to it using a remote
• A key mold pen
• A flashlight
• Binoculars
• A zipline briefcase
• His house has a defense system

Big O

"Cast in the name of God, ye not guilty"

Physicals

Strength

Striking

• Sticks its hand through a parking structure to catch a van driving away from it
• Stomps through the street to reach underground
• Breaks a Megadeus' faceplate with a punch
• Tackles a giant chimera through a laboratory complex
• Punches through a giant sword and knocks back a Megadeus
• Knocks the Leviathan down the street
• Punches through a wall and destroys two robots
• Clashes with Big Duo's diving punch, making a shockwave that shatters the windows on a nearby building and tosses cars, though it ends up with a damaged arm

Lifting/Throwing

• Tosses aside a smaller Megadeus
• Yanks a Megadeus to him using the Mobydick Anchors and lifts it with one arm
• Throws a giant robot high into the air
• Lifts the Behemoth, a massive Megadeus and destroys it off-screen

Pushing/Tearing

• Pushes a Megadeus into a building hard enough to shift it back
• Tears apart a giant sea monster's tongue
• Tears apart the chimera's tendrils and rips off its arm
• Tears off the plating covering Big Duo's pilot area

Other

• Overpowers Big Duo
• Catches Big Fau's rocket arms right after they plow through a building

Durability

Impact

• Blocks a bunch of blows from a Megadeus with its arm plating
  • The Megadeus was strong enough to lift Big O
• Gets hit by a glancing attack from a Megadeus
• Gets tackled by a smaller Megadeus
• Gets knocked over by a smaller Megadeus after throwing it
• Gets continuously blasted by a Megadeus' sonic weapon
  • An accident involving the weapon at the lab where it was created left a massive crater in the ground
• Gets tackled across a dome and through a building by Big Duo
• Blocks a dropkick from a Megadeus
• Gets thrown into a building by a Megadeus
• Gets tackled by the same Megadeus
  • The Megadeus matched Big O in strength
• Blocks more punches from the Megadeus with its arm plating until it gives up
• Gets tackled through a bridge by the Hydra

Piercing

• Takes a hit from a Megadeus' drill
  • Another Megadeus, using the same drill, drilled through concrete
• The Megadeus' drills bounce off its arm plating
• Blocks Big Duo's machine guns with its arm plating
• Blocks Big Duo's drills with its arm plating
• Blocks Big Fau's saw with its arm plating
• Big Fau's saw shaves off its crown, but doesn't damage the head underneath
• Takes a hit from Big Fau's saw to the torso

Energy

• Gets shocked by a sea monster - Again
  • The sea monster's electricity disabled a car and lit up a city
• Gets hit by a bunch of fireballs from a Megadeus
• Lasers that carve through buildings and a dome just bounce off its arm plating/crown
• Takes electricity from three Megadeus
  • A Megadeus made of components from those three shoots electricity that carves through buildings, a bridge, and tanks
• Blocks a Megadeus' laser with its arm plating
  • The laser blew up Military Police vehicles
• Gets hit with the Hydra's electricity
  • The Hydra's electricity caused large explosions
• Blocks several laser blasts from Big Fau

Explosives

• Blocks missiles with its arm plating
• Tanks missiles from a Megadeus
• Blocks Big Duo's missiles with its arm plating

Limits

• Its arm is ripped off by a point blank sonic attack

Speed

• Uses the Mobydick Anchors to dodge explosive fireballs
• Intercepts missiles
• Grabs a giant chimera as it leaps at him then slams it down
• Avoids finger lasers from a Megadeus
• Blocks Big Fau's laser blast

Misc

• Big O is 30 m tall
• Escapes a Megadeus' tendrils after being lifted into the air
• Destroyed a power plant off screen
• Either tanks or avoids two missiles from Big Duo
• Moves on its own to come to Roger's rescue

Equipment

Sudden Impact

• Uses the pistons on its arms to enhance the strength of its punches, blowing a hole through a Megadeus' torso
• Gives a van a good shake
• Pulling back the piston knocks the sea monster entangling it off
• Boosts itself back to the surface while underwater
• Destroys a Megadeus' head
  • The Megadeus was undamaged by missiles that knocked it back into a building hard enough to crater it
• Beheads a Megadeus without harming the people inside
• Punches a hole in a giant tree and the building it enveloped
• The air pressure punches through two skyscrapers
• Destroys Big Duo's head and makes a large crater in the ground beneath it
• Knocks back two Megadeus, leaving craters in their chests
• Destroys a piece of space debris
  • The debris was undamaged by the Chrome Buster
• Blows a hole through the chest of a giant construction robot
• Punches a Megadeus through a very thick concrete wall

Mobydick Anchors

• Fires a hip-mounted chain-linked anchor that stabs into a Megadeus
• Catches Big Duo as it's flying away
• Hooks to the top of a dome
• Fires anchors in a spread around it, piercing through three Megadeus, though they were previously damaged by Sudden Impacts, as well as a ship
• Have claws and can be finely controlled for delicate operations
• Lift Big Duo into the air
• Stops itself from falling over
• Pulls Big Fau into the water as it's falling in

Missile Party

• Launches a bunch of missiles from its abdomen, lifting a smaller Megadeus into the air and destroying it in the explosion, which also damages the area above ground
• Precisely blows off just a Megadeus' sonic weapons while leaving the pilot unharmed
• A few missiles damage a giant tree and the building it enveloped

Cannon Party

• Fires machine guns out of its chest, exploding and burning off Big Duo's bandages
• Breaks part of Big Duo's armor

O Thunder

• Fires an array of machine guns in its arm to destroy a Megadeus
• One shots Beck's Megadeus
• Blows off Big Duo's head and blows a hole through the line of skyscrapers behind it

Arc Line

• Shoots beams out of its eyes that destroys chunks of buildings
• Blows a hole in a Megadeus
• Blows up a giant robot containing bombs
• Cuts through part of a giant tree

Chrome Buster

• Fires a beam of energy from its head that tears through a giant sea monster
• Blows a hole in a dome
• Destroys the Leviathan's head
• Cuts off and destroys two of the Hydra's heads

Plasma Gimmick

• Makes an energy shield that blocks the Hydra's electricity, then expands with a powerful shockwave to annihilate it

Final Stage

• Produces an energy cannon that does massive damage to Big Fau and the surrounding area of the dome
  • This attack requires Dorothy to perform and appears to break after being used once

Misc

• Travels the city via an abandoned railway system and rises through the ground
  • Rises through the ground wherever it is
  • Rises through an entire skyscraper
• Tracks down the location of a man who was remotely piloting the Megadeus he just fought
• Determines the position of a Megadeus using holograms by tracking the path of the projectiles it fired
• Has a compartment in its hand that holds Angel
• Identifies that a giant robot is carrying bombs
• Has a garage in its foot for the Griffon
• Releases a smokescreen

I'm definitely a novice to wine and it is much more expensive than what I generally buy. This is the only available Recioto della Valpolicella near me, and I've been wanting to try it, but I don't know if it's worth it to buy this one or if I should wait.

My supply for the first 8 1/2 months of my baby’s life was huge. I had so much milk, no problem pumping and would get 5-8 ounces in a 20 minute session. I had to leave here for about 4 days to get my stuff from our old house. I did pump, but not nearly as much as I should’ve. Now, my breasts make more than enough milk when I breastfeed, but they can tell the difference between a baby and a pump and refuse to let down anything. I’ve tried a couple of supplements and all it’s doing is producing more milk for when the baby eats and I still get absolutely nothing when I pump.
Please don’t let this post flop, I am having the struggle of a lifetime and my baby needs milk while I’m working for 8 hours.
Cross posted by me**

I work in a field that requires traveling. Kind of like a field job but all over the country + world and it’s so painful to keep on seeing “remote” jobs deny me and specify due to me not living in nyc, San Francisco, or Dallas/Austin.
These are three VERY DIFFERENT geo locations and 90% of the time these companies didn’t have physical offices there.
The reason? We might have more travels in those areas. So me living near a major airport that can get to most places in under 2 hours isn’t okay?
The best part? TRAVEL REQUIRED 40% +
Someone living in a metropolitan might not be as qualified or with the same industry experience but you automatically rejected me because I might not live in one specific city you might send me to?
Note I’ve come across 20 of these already and with even internal referrals. One even asked my to MOVE to NYC or Dallas with no relocation support but must travel 60% of the year.

Noticed my car was running a tad bit hotter than normal on my way to work Thursday and nearly pooped my pants getting off the interstate. Started her back up and drove home that afternoon, all was fine until the last 5 minutes of my drive when the gauge was reading where the H is and has been just as temperamental since. There’s no sign of a blown head gasket; radiator’s full and my coolant was topped off a few weeks ago. I haven’t spotted any leaks. The car sounds fine and is running like a champ. Took this vid of the gauge for my stepdad on the way home last night and he hasn’t gotten back to me yet but I have to drive a couple hours out of town today. Advice/solutions? It’s a 2005 nissan so she’s pretty old

At the end of serving someone I told them to have a great day and just when they were nearly out the door they walked all the way back to tell me that while I had "beautiful service" I should not have told her to have a great day because "we are in England not America" !?! Is this an American thing because I've always said "have a nice/good/great/lovely day" and everyone else has responded positively? I just don't get how someone can be so miserable that I told them to have a great day, it's astonishing to me lol.

For context, I haven’t lived with my mom since experiencing a mental health crisis in 2019. I live with other family members hours away from her and my immediate family. I was going to see them for vacation so I decided to try talking about our past, to try and resolve it, since we’ve never really had a heart to heart about it. She immediately got defensive and angry, and told me she had “moved on” and “why am i bringing up the past?” She says she thinks it’s great we can “see each other on good days like holidays and not the bad days”.
When I lived with my immediate family I was very depressed and didn’t achieve much (I still haven’t, but that’s besides the point). I was really shitty to people during that time and really withdrawn. My siblings are far ahead of me despite being younger, and are going to very good colleges and pursuing high level careers. My mom and dad got an apartment near them and visit them all the time. My mom seems really involved in their lives.
I was planning on moving back with them to finish college next year (my dad tries to keep a close connection with me and wants me home) but my mom doesn’t seem to want that. Maybe she doesn’t believe I’ll stay stable. I don’t know. I barely talk to my brother and sister. I think I should stay away. I don’t fit into the family anymore (not that i ever did due to my issues) and everyone seems so happy without me. I’m not saying that for pity, it’s probably best if I try and make my own life without them. It seems like I’m trying to hold on to relationships that are near dead. Thoughts?
TL:DR; moved out of my mom and dad’s house to live with other family because of mental health issues, potentially moving back next year to finish college, mom says “she’s moved on from the past” and seems disinterested in me coming back

Planning to do some reports tonight so tara lets talk. Rants, chika, or whatever, game. SFW please :)
Lets talk in TG if ever :)
Please be 30-35 yrs old or near 30s. 😅 Message me! :)

Can someone tell me how Sanctuary ends? Our projector died with what seemed like 2 minutes left in the movie and after waiting nearly 40 minutes for it to be fixed, management told us we just had to leave because it was too soon before the next showing to play us the ending.
This was where we got to:
They did the dad roleplay, woke up the next morning, walked out into the hallway. Neither of them said anything in the hall yet before the movie cut out

Hello dear reader,
I have already explained some of my predicaments once in a comment but as I continue to write my own problems and childhood experiences from different perspectives, I would like to explore a new one that: life accidentally taught me the wrong things.
First the basics: I have a minor spastic diplegia called by a hole in my brain and it was very well treated when I was 10. Before that I walked a bit strangely in a way that would make me fall quite frequently. It linked going on a walk and coming home with boody knees as a statistical certainty. It wouldn't happen all the time but often enough to avoid risks by avoiding needless walks... I did walk to school every day, but I wouldn't walk "for fun" because it was potentially not fun.
I got a revolutionary surgery at 10. I was told later that my recovery was so good that I replaced the before/after video (at least for a while). So far so good uh? Well already at that age my oldest brother was a bit of a bully. We did fun things together but he could turn a bit violent at times especially towards my other brother. He recently explained to me that he add trouble asserting himself among his friends and expressed his desire for strength on us instead.
My mother is a narcissist up to a certain degree. She never allowed us to make choices at an early age. She could ask the question if I want more potatoes but they would be on the plate before being able to answer yes or no. She also may have learned this narcissistic behaviour from my grandmother who was still trying to rule over her even after her marriage. Important thing she wanted to take care of things at home. She say that she was overwhelmed by the responsabilties but failed to make us help her, in a sense she taught us the opposite.
As for my father he had frequent business travels and preferred to raise his voice a bit and then go back to his journal. He never really liked to take care of little kids and now he is at least realising the damage his lack of presence in the household as a counterpoint to mom has done to all of us.
So at age 10 I got the surgery, spent a summer in hospital and reeducation went to a hospital school for a while to avoid stairs (a fall could have been problematic) and then when I came back to school I stayed in class during some pauses once again to avoid children running around and playing football (soccer). When I was told to finally come back to the courtyard, during the spring of my last primary school year something strange happened. I extracted a year ago a forgotten memory from that time but once extracted it came back as a very vivid memory. A girl asking me "did you see the pussy of [best early childhood friend name]" (it works in my mothertongue too). I was still prepubescent and had a vague idea that it was partially "forbidden" even if I didn't know what it was. But loving double entendres, I responded jokingly: of course she had black hairs, green eyes and her name is [name of that cat]. Sadly they didn't seem to get the hint of irony Telling this story to somebody else I was told that it sounded very innocent for a women who was in my modern point of view as cuntish as hers was bleeding. Why? Because for the first time the group laughed at me rather than with me. And connecting the dots, I managed to understand why. I was quite close with my childhood friends, we met in preschool so at that stage we knew each other for basically all our lives. But there is more, I had the habit of holding hands of people I held dear for the very obvious reason explained above: walking was a statistical risk of coming home with bleedy knees and the post surgery times made it pretty clear that falls had to be avoided. Therefore you can imagine what went through the mind of girls whose brained was rewired by hormones at the sight of two boys holding hands. Last year I managed to tell the situation for what it was: homophobia even if I am not homosexual. The problem is that in that context I lost a friend and in a way a link with the rest of my classmates.
Arriving in secondary school I finished to lose my childhood friend (it was gradual, he changed I didn't). During that year I continued to miss days of school to check the evolution and more importantly: twice during the year a part from the class blocked me the entrance to the classroom from the inside: showing me clearly that I was one in the crowd. The second time they got spotted by an adult and got shouted at a little bit, the message was clear though. Recently when my oldest brother learned about these and asked why I didn't asked him to protect me, I reminded him that he liked to play the exact same kind of games at home when he wanted to annoy me... despite him being 5 years older. So from my point of view it was normal, expected to be annoyed and not expecting a strong response.
Later that year I bonded with a boy who became my best friend. He was bullied in the other class, we had gym together. This person is the only person ever who truly managed to make a gym course bearable if not enjoyable. He would run by my side giving my advices instead of running ahead and letting me be dead last (which was expected considering the handicap from birth). I am not sure why but I never noticed that he was bullied by his classmates. Maybe because I was not in that classroom and also because it got reduced after we bonded near the end of the academic year. Of course his mother was furious at the situation and asked the school to do something. He could have drowned once during a swimming lesson. But that would have meant kicking out multiple students, that's not good. One kid leaving, that's normal.
As for the situation at home I recently realised through discussions that our mother was obsessed with good grades and didn't care about anything else while our father was not present enough. More importantly he liked to watch documentaries in the evening and would encourage me to watch documentaries and other cultural programs. There, there was positive reinforcement.
So regarding lessons: you can voice your opinons but it doesn't matter. Other people will annoy you and it will have barely any consequence for them. You have different interests than most of the hostile crowd. Taking initiatives is a risk of breaking things.
Quite logically I went to school attended courses and went home, (almost) never taking times to socialize with people who were, for all intents and purposes, strangers. I took refuge in legos, TV, video games, comic reading those kind of things. In the years following the surgery (we are in 2001-3) I had a lot of kinesitherapy, almost every day of the week.
One day I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I resisted going to the kinesitherapy and told crying to my mother: "I don't want to go, I want to die". A sentence that should have ringed all the alarms. But in a move that will not necessarily suprise you at this stage, she just pushed me towards the car and probably told me to stop crying. And then it was not really mentioned ever again. I now consider this moment a key point: it sealed my emotions for 18-20 years. The lesson learned: compaining is useless, showing emotions is useless.
From all of that I got what I am pretty sure is a massive rejection trauma, it looks like depression but the duration, the probable causes and all of that fit almost 100% with Dr. K. episode on trauma.
Ah a key point I forgot to mention is that I was good enough in school, just good enough to not necessary learn to work hard. On the contrary to learned to focus on what I liked, especially as I was always last in gym and you can see bad grades as a kind of rejection.
I learned to not take initiative, not complain, focus on the things I liked and not care about my surrounding which was kinda potentially hostile. The result once you finish university is that you don't want anything. You don't really have ambitions because you almost failed your memoir as trauma crippled your ability to start things (if the lack of abilities to make choices didn't do that already). You check some job offers they all demand multiple years of experience so rejection is expected. It's the same as at school. You expect rejection so why bother. You may get help, but you don't seek help unless you are directly told that you may get help by somebody already in charge of that, otherwise you are not seeking it. Again because rejection is expected.
The ultimate consequence are years spent doing things on my own. Things that have impressed quite a few people over the internet. It almost gave me a career. But even then for other reasons outside of my control I experienced rejection. Projects got planned but failed to materialize for stupid reasons outside of my control. Other opportunities were not taken thanks to trauma. It's only when I went back to the "maybe let's consider suicide" that my best friend noticed and urged me to get a psychologist and opened the vault of emotions.
I have 26 days left to find a new place to move in. I have retraining plans for this summer but I need a place to sleep to get things done. I also want to get rid of that stupid emotional burden, while I should embrace it and move forward.
This is not a fully satisfying conclusion but I am done with writing this thing for now. I have to unlearn the toxic lessons of my childhood and finally become the smart adult I was supposed to become. Instead I am still a wounded child who specialize in knowing things the job market doesn't want.
This letter is dedicated to all those people who made relevant remarks but were unable to notice the large size of the problem, just like blind people touching an elephant.
Thank you for reading.

Part 18 A Delicate Situation (Part 1) (Part 17)
​
"Aho, Zim, ni je na?" Msko was the first to notice and greet the relatively short, stout, and furry being that just waddled into The Hammer’s Control Center.
​
"Ah, Administrator Zimuzari, I am honored you could join us." Atxika's eyes quickly shot up from the holographic display being projected from the table she was leaning on and landed on Kyim'ayik colony leader. "Have you had an opportunity to read through the initial report we sent you?"
​
"Hello there, Mkso, Admiral Atxika. It's…" The reddish-brown ball of fur paused his adorable squeaking, half covered his mouth with one of his paws, and let out such a tremendous yawn that Atxika could see both the massive front incisors as well as the not quite as large, but still impressive, set of canines behind them. "My apologies, I woke up less than half an hour ago. But it is good to see you both, as well as an honor and privilege to join you in your Command Center, Admiral."
​
"The honor and privilege are mine." Atxika bowed slightly with her pleasant smile still wide. "And I would like to apologize for waking you. It will still be a few days before we arrive at our destination and this strategy meeting could have waited."
​
"No, no, no, that's alright." Zim quickly replied with his species' high pitch and chirpy version of galactic common while stretching out and flicking his long, shiny whiskers as he approached the military leaders. "I've already gotten about nine hours of sleep. Skipping the last hour or two has killed me yet! And I’d rather get started on this sooner rather than later.”
​
Admiral Atxika had to put in real effort to prevent herself start cooing at the delightful manner with which Zim made his way over to the holo-table and climbed the stool-like chair designed for his anatomy. The long, wide, and flat tail distinctive of the Kyim'ayik was lifted just off the ground and stretched far back to balance the rest of the being’s body weight while the relatively short hind legs carried him along in an awkward, though comfortable, bipedal gait. With the limited range of motion in the squat, fuzzy man’s leg-like arms as he stretched, it was clear his species was more intended for quadrupedal locomotion. Despite that fact, the posture of the Kyim'ayik Administrator while he walked was far more similar to her own, or a human’s, than what she had remembered from her previous interactions with the species. However, as Zim stretched out his back to its full length, adding good chunk to his overall height, and began climbing the stool so he could have a proper view of holographic display, Atxika was suddenly reminded of a domesticated species of vermin-hunting musteloid from her species’ homeworld that were quite popular pets. Even though she knew this furry little man was a well respected guest on her ship, and a being from an Ascended species, she couldn’t get over how adorable he was.
​
“I hope you didn’t wake the misses.” Msko commented with a sarcastic tone while shooting the beaver-otter a cheeky wink.
​
“Nah, that woman could sleep through an atomic detonation.” Hearing the galactic common word for ‘atomic detonation’ be said with such an endearing squeak was pushing the Admiral to the absolute limits of her self control.
​
“I can have some food and refreshments brought, if you like.” Atxika interjected while doing her best to keep her smile from growing too wide and showing all of her teeth.
​
“Oh n-” Zim was about to politely decline before Msko interrupted him with a bit too much energy.
​
“Yes, please!” The War Chief blurted out. “That restaurant Tens took me to in your Amenities Section was amazing! I knew this ship had a huge manufacturing capability, but I didn’t realize you’d have freshly grown food.”
​
“I’ll have the private command facilities prepare something.” The Admiral quickly replied to ensure that Zim couldn’t refuse. “How does a zetloxoni platter sound?”
​
“What are-” Zim began to ask before Atxika realized her mistake and explained.
​
"Zetloxoni are fish fillets, rolled in a semisweet and highly nutrient-rich grain, and occasionally topped with more fish or other ingredients." The Admiral replied while typing into the display to bring up a holographic representation of the sushi-like dish she was describing. "This is what I was thinking."
​
"That actually looks amazing!" The Kyim'ayik ears suddenly perked up and eyes grew wide with delight.
​
"Wonderful! It's settled then." Atxika pressed in a few more commands to place the order then tried to redirect the conversation to reason for the meeting. "I find it is often easier to address delicate situations with a clear mind and full stomach."
​
"Delicate?" The squeaky reply carried a noticeably sarcastic tone as Zim shifted his attention towards the holographic representation of a planet and saucer shaped ship orbiting it. "That looks like Arnehilians. Ain't nothing delicate about the Grays, except maybe their physical forms."
​
"Well, they're definitely Arnehilians but…" Msko interjected with a hesitant tone that caught his Kyim'ayik friend off guard. "We don't think they're Grays."
​
There was a second of confused silence as Zim stared into the War Chief's eyes to see if this was a joke. Before Nishnabe could bring himself to explain, however, Atxika chimed in to give the proper explanation.
​
"What I am about to say is Level 8 classified information from Military Command and should be treated with the appropriate amount of secrecy. Do you understand?" After an incredibly professional and understanding nod from the Administrator, the Admiral continued. "We have confirmed the existence of a non-aligned, neutral-standing collective of decentralized Arnehilian groups who refer to themselves as, quote, 'the Greens', or the Free People of Sundered Arnehil. According to all reports, they are an ecologically-minded, nomadic, agricultural society who regularly travel in such a way as to avoid any means of tracking or detection by their… less peaceful cousins. However, there are a few who regularly check in with Military Command to avoid potential confrontations. There have been no indications that any of their groups discovered so far are violent, nor even capable of galactic standard levels of self-defense."
​
"I thought those rumors were just misinformation or propaganda." Zim was now much more earnest as gazed upon the holographic saucer floating above the planet. "And you say they're even ecologically-minded?"
​
"Our drones haven't detected any significant environmental disruptions." Msko sounded far more nonchalant about this situation than his long-time friend was expecting. There was no aggression or anger in his movements as he indicated towards a highlight portion of the holographic planet floating above the table and prompted the display to project a new hologram. "Their settlement is using solar and wind energy to operate their infrastructure and accumulate power reserves. From what we can tell, they're only a week away from finishing their agricultural harvest and two weeks away from their power reserves being fully recharged. If we had been delayed a month, there's a good chance we would have missed them completely."
​
“What kind of resource impacts would I have to account for?” The Administrator quickly followed up.
​
“Maybe a couple hundred tons worth of basic elements and organic matter.” It was clear Msko had already scoured everything and couldn’t find any reason to be concerned. “But the drones' sensors can’t detect any real difference between now and six months ago. Like I said, if we were delayed a month, we might not have even known they were ever there.”
​
"I see…" There was a moment of pause as Zim stared at the highly detailed holographic representation of a temporary settlement located only a couple dozen kilometers from where he had been planning his own colony.
​
The two military officers remained silent to give the Kyim'ayik Administrator all the time he needed to think about what he had just been told. Each species, without exception, had some unique form of architectural design and aesthetic, and the variety of buildings Zim was looking at were no different. The extensive use of cheap, easy to produce polymers, the simple, module construction, and rounded, nearly circular, aesthetic to all of the building were all clearly Arnehilian. However, there was something humble, almost intentionally so, about the lack of silver-metal detailing combined with the way the structures simply flowed into the untouched trees around them. Rather than a budding slaver-colony run by beings who thought themselves entitled everyone and everything, this looked like the respectfully maintained dwelling of a temporary guest who wished to remain discreet. Though the Administrator knew his duty to his people would normally demand he evict these uninvited squatters from his land, he couldn’t help but feel something almost kindred in what he was seeing.
​
"Have you made contact with them yet?" Zim flatly asked, though he could already guess the answer. "Do they know we're coming?"
​
"No and no." Atxika promptly answered, while letting her smile fall into a more professional expression. "Their ship is inactive, seems to be in a state of disrepair, and is currently in a free-floating, low orbit. According to our scans, their ground-based sensor systems are incapable of detecting our reconnaissance drones. However, they would absolutely notice our fleet entering the system."
​
"Well, we don't wanna scare them." Zim finally squeaked out with a slightly giggle that sounded more like a chirp. "Reptiles always freak out when you startle them."
​
It had been nine hours of working in the greenhouse when Mayor Harideth noticed the young dark gray-skinned, olive-drab clad messenger running towards him at full speed. Though he had known this young woman her entire life, she was a member of her community after all, he had never seen her running this fast. It wasn't the speed of her approach that made him stop what he was doing, rather it was the unadulterated fear plastered across her face. As Nalhilum sprinted down the path between the vertical hydroponic racks, a few of the Arnehilians in the greenhouse took notice, though didn't stop their work. When the young woman came to a sliding halt just in front of the Mayor, it looked like she was about to keel over from exhaustion and stress.
​
"My dear, please." Harideth had a genuinely concerned expression on his scaly face as he quickly moved to brace the young woman and prevent her from falling over. "You are too young to give yourself a heart attack running like that. Whatever is happening, you don't need t-"
​
"Mayor, we've been detected." The dread that came out of Nalhilum's voice and the tears in her eyes as she looked up at her community leader shattered the man's soul.
​
"Do not fear, Nalhilum, my dear. Please sit and rest. We will be fine. I promise." Harideth helped the young woman slowly lower herself into a seated position, plucked a just-ripe fruit from a vine he had been tending, and handed it to her before turning towards the closest other people in the greenhouse. "Maricha, please see to Nalhilum and ensure she recovers. I am needed in my mayoral duties immediately."
​
In the few seconds it took for the worker to be at the young woman's side, she had already begun nibbling on the sweet treat, savoring it as this was her last opportunity, and the Mayor had given her a gentle kiss on the forehead then began running out of the greenhouse. Though Harideth felt he had a personal duty to stay at his messenger's side until she had fully recovered and ensured she wouldn't need further assistance, he had a greater duty to his community as a whole. Despite feeling the same fear that he saw in Nalhilum’s eyes, and wanting to ball up and hide with every fiber of his body, he charged as fast as he could towards the town hall building. Though he knew running this fast was not good for his health, especially in his old age and after working all day, the only thing on the Mayor’s mind was the safety and future of the people who trusted him with their lives.
​
“Please don’t let it be the Oppressors.” Harideth muttered to himself as he ran as fast as his legs could take him. “By the Gods of Old, please don’t let it be them.”
​
For nearly a millennium now, his people had been free of those who flew the red and gray flag and, despite the many hurdles and setbacks, they had found their own form of happiness. After the Dynastic family who had kept his working-class ancestors in literal chains had been dealt a devastating blow when their capital ship was overrun by a group of abducted, pre-Ascension beings, it sparked a revival of the Free People’s ideology in the slave population. Stories of people living together in mutual aid, love, and respect once only told in hushed whispers were shouted from the rooftops as most of the surviving members of the Dynasty were thrown from them. Once all of the slaves of the other species were freed and on their way back to their respective homes, the budding groups of Greens scattered into the interstellar winds to avoid reprisal from other Dynasties which were sure to want revenge. There was even a dream that they would find other groups of Free Arnehilians living among the stars.
​
It was a blessing that their rebellion had initially gone unnoticed by the rest of the Arnehilian Dynasties and the greater community as that gave his ancestors time to disperse beyond the ability to be completely tracked down. Even if a few scattered communities eventually met their death or worse, the end of their freedom, there would be some who were able to survive and thrive. Though Harideth had assumed his nomadic village may eventually run into someone, he put a great deal of effort into minimizing that potential. In fact, he chose this very planet as their temporary stopping grounds specifically because it was far out of the way of most civilizations and people. After spending nearly a full season on this beautiful world, he had even started to grow attached to it and was looking for an excuse to postpone their migration in order to facilitate repairs to their ship. Being detected after so long, and with only a few weeks until they would have been ready to leave on their own, was something the Mayor could have never been prepared for.
​
“Make a hole!” A person wearing a dull green cap shouted down a rather cramped corridor that Harideth was barreling towards at full speed before quickly pulling back and nodding towards the man as he passed.
​
“Thank you, Chuzikum.” Harideth faintly mouthed while darting past the person and into the now cleared passageway that led outdoors.
​
Finally outside, the man only slowed his sprint to turn a few corners and avoid running into the few unwary people who had failed to notice him coming. He was less than a hundred meters away from the town hall building housing his destination, the command and control room, and he couldn’t stop now. Regardless of how hard his heart was beating, how much he felt his body overheating from the strain, and how much he wanted to just collapse, he couldn’t fail his people. As the building got closer and closer, Harideth tried to think through all of the possibilities of who it could be that had detected them. Though none of the options that came to his mind were particularly pleasant, from Bendari pirates to Qui’ztar law enforcement or even the Oppressors themselves, he was already trying to work out contingency plans as he finally approached the already open door and his assistant waiting for him beside it.
​
“Please close the door behind us, Marlati.” Harideth’s request was just barely audible as he crossed the threshold of the door and was quickly followed by his assistant who did as she was asked. “Who is it and what do they want?”
​
“The communication signal we are receiving registers as the Qui’ztar Third Matriarchy, Mayor Harideth.” Marlati quickly and quietly replied as she followed the man towards the command and control room.
​
“Oh, thank the Gods.” The Mayor stopped mid step and placed a hand on the wall next to lean and catch his breath for a moment. “This could still be very bad, but it could have also been so much worse.”
​
“Um, sir?” The Mayor’s assistant watched him with a hint of concern as she could see how much he was overheating. “Would you like me to get you a cooling pack?”
​
“Oh, no, that’s alright.” Harideth stood back up straight and continued towards his final destination, though a bit slower than before. As he turned back to his assistant, he gave a compassionate nod of approval. “You are too kind, my dear. This is just a…” The man’s voice trailed off as his thoughts began to concentrate on a plan of action.
​
“A what, sir?” Marlati nervously in a manner which caused the Mayor to look back at her. “I’m sorry sir, but this is the first time this has ever happened in my entire life.”
​
“First time for me too, Marlati.” Harideth admitted with a hit of nervous laughter. “But I do know enough about the Qui'ztar to not be issuing an immediate emergency evacuation order.”
​
“That’s not very reassuring.” Though the whine that just came his assistant would have been grating in any other circumstance, she was right and the Mayor knew it.
​
“That is the name of the game you help some of the children play, something of the magical planets?” Harideth stopped at the door to the room which separated him from his responsibilities as a Mayor.
​
“Adventures of the Magical Worlds, sir?”
​
“Yes! I believe there is a moral alignment chart in the rules somewhere.” Though it was clear that his assistant didn’t quite know what he was getting, it became incredibly obvious as he explained. “If I remember correctly, everything I’ve read about the Qui’ztar would put them roughly in the ‘hierarchical neutral’ category.”
​
“Ah…” The assistance was quite hesitant as she knew what that actually implied. “That still isn’t very reassuring.”
​
“They’re here to do a job. And as long as we comply and don’t get in their way, we’ll be fine.” The Mayor was doing his best to hold up his mask of confidence and not let this young feel what he felt.
​
“And what if their job is to kill us?”
​
“Then they wouldn’t have made their presence known. They would have simply shown up and sent us all to the next life.” However morbid that statement was, it actually did give the Marlati a small sense of real relief in the fact they weren't already dead as the door to the command and control room opened and the pair slowly walked in.
​
"Sir! Thank the Gods you're here!" A communications specialist shouted from his seat in front of a terminal towards the Mayor as he quickly approached.
​
"Of course, Telucima, I wouldn’t make you talk to them all by yourself." Harideth tried to crack a joke to the young woman behind the terminal in a vain attempt to calm her obviously flustered nerves. Though Telucima’s dark gray skin was never as shiny as a royal's, her face was especially dull and pale at the moment and the Mayor couldn’t help but empathize with her. “Now, please, give me your report. What do we know?”
​
“Well…” Telucima made a gulping sound as she swallowed some of the semi-poisonous saliva that had been building up in her mouth as a fear response. “There is a fairly substantial colony fleet headed our way being escorted by the First Independent Fleet of the Third Qui'ztar Matriarchy. They have stated that we are inhabiting an unregistered settlement on a planet that has already been claimed by the Kyim'ayik. However, they have not yet made any demands, claimed our settlement is in violation of any laws, or even made any threats. I am absolutely sure they know who we are, but they didn’t explicitly identify us in their message. I’m not exactly sure what it is going on, but the signal strength and delay indicate they are still a day or two away.”
​
“Interesting…” The Mayor commented with a more curious than scared tone while rubbing the top of his head in contemplation. “No demands, threats, or attempts to justify the use of force through galactic law… Is there any way we could get a real-time communications link established?”
​
“Sir? You want to talk to them?” Marlati could barely contain her fear as she interjected. “I thought every species hated us, and you want to talk to them?”
​
“They hate the bastard Oppressors, Marlati, though maybe not as much as we do.” Harideth knew this would be his one and only chance to make a good impression on what could otherwise be their impending doom and he was doing everything in his power to muster the inner courage needed for this conversation. “They may not know the difference between us and… them… yet. But something tells me they might.”
​
“Sir,” Telucima had redirected her attention back to her terminal and was running through the system to facilitate the Mayor’s request, “I can establish a quantum link, though it would require me to activate the relay on the ship. If there are any oppressors nearby, there’s a chance they could detect our presence and attempt to use the trace to track us down.”
​
“Do it.” The Mayor ordered with a tone that implied he knew the risks. “I want to see if these Qui’ztar would be willing to allow us to stay for the few weeks required to complete our harvest. Worst comes to worst, we’ll have to start packing everything up early and delay the repairs for another season.”
​
The next few moments were nearly silent aside from the sounds of a tapping keyboard and the occasional digitized ping from the terminal. Telucima had begun the task of awakening the ship, configuring the communications channel, and activating the relay through text-based commands on a simple, monochromatic screen, while the other two people clad in simple olive-drab clothing could do nothing but fester in their thoughts. While Harideth was busy planning out how he was going to grovel and beg for permission to finish his people’s desperately needed harvest of fresh food, Marlati was simply doing everything in her power not to shake in fear. When the final confirmation ping came from the terminal and Telucima began pressing her headset tightly to her ears, the faint whispers of a translated voice could be heard.
​
“Yes I can understand you…" The communications specialist, though lacking much previous experience in speaking with a member of another species, seemed to be focused solely on her job and not her fear. "Oh no, I'm sorry, this terminal doesn't have that function. It's… Yes, I can absolutely do that. Just give me one moment to set up the connection and I'll be right back with you."
​
In a flash, Telucima had taken off her headset, stood from her console, and was moving to a nearby bag resting on a table, much to the shock of the other Arnehilians. Before either the Mayor or his assistant could question the young woman, she was triumphantly holding up her personal data-tablet and was returning to her seat.
​
"What-" Harideth began before the young woman cut him off while pulling her tablet into the terminal.
​
"Ope, sorry about that, sir." The specialist cut off her mayor and began to explain in a rush. "I was speaking to a communications officer and she wanted an audio-visual feed to link to her commanding officer. This terminal doesn't haven't that functionality, but I can just just patch a link through my tablet. It's got a mic and camera and we can use it as the display."
​
“Good thinking, Telucima.” The Mayor laid a gentle, compassionate hand on the woman’s shoulder after she had placed the tablet at a good angle and sat back into her chair to type in the commands. “I knew you were the right person for this job.”
​
“It was the communications officer’s idea, sir.” Telucima couldn’t help herself but to be honest regardless of the praise. “I’m just glad there were instructions for this kind of patch in the training manual. It should just take a moment to load.”
​
When the relatively small screen came to life in front of the Mayor’s face, he saw three faces looking back at him with expectant eyes, and he froze in shock. Though none of the expressions looked out right hostile, he could tell none of those individuals would tolerate anything less than submission. Despite only ever seen descriptions of the being he was now looking at, all three could easily be identified. Even without his tail being visible, the furry, large-toothed person on the right was clearly a Kyim'ayik. The large, mostly-hairless, blue primate with pronounced tusks in the middle was, without a doubt, a Qui'ztar of particularly high rank. However, the not-as-large, similarly hairless, but copper-brown primate on the left was a species Harideth had a special fear, and particular reverence, for.
​
“Are… Are you a Nishnabe?” Harideth stammered out before even introducing himself or allowing these beings to introduce themselves, which prompted the Qui’ztar and Kyim'ayik to turn to the now confused human.
​
“Yes…” Msko replied hesitantly. “I take it you are aware of my people?”
​
“Aware…” Harideth couldn't stop the heartfelt smile from forming across his scaly face. “You… Your people… the Vanquishers of Tyrants, the Bane of Oppressors, the Unstoppable Rage, and the Saviors of the Oppressed… Your people are the reason my people have been blessed with a thousand years of freedom!”

This is a bit of a tricky situation. I’m coming here as a last resort because it’s been months and none of my irl friends can provide me with the answer i’m looking for, so I’m hoping a fellow autistic person may understand a little better.
So I’m not in love with the person i’m dating. I love him very much, he’s my best friend, but i’m not IN love. I don’t get those feelings when I’m with him or when I think about him. In fact, I don’t really think about him unless I am reminded of his existence. I’m not aromantic, I’ve had very intense crushes in people in the past. In fact, I used to have a crush on him before we started dating, but it was never to the extent of other crushes Ive had in the past on unobtainable people. These crushes were all-consuming, like special interests. It becomes very obsessive, and although it feels amazing it’s also maddening and I feel like a stalker (lol) But it’s usually only on best friends who I know will never love me back. The fact that this man always felt obtainable and I knew he considered me “out of his league” took some of that magic away. I’m not sure if this is because of my Adhd (i have both) but it’s a recurring theme.
Anyway, I know what you’re thinking. Break up with him!!! I would. But 1. I don’t want to break his heart. 2. I don’t want to go through the pain of losing my best friend. 3. we are moving in together (with a bunch of other people) in 4 short months. Contract signed and deposit payed. A bit if a sticky one.
For nearly 5 months i’ve wrestled with the guilt of this. And I know I am wrong. But I feel trapped. I don’t find him attractive. (This might be because I am asexual though?) But i really enjoy his company, but just in the way you’d enjoy the company of a best friend. There are times where I even convince myself that I do love him only to realise that I don’t think about him much. When we go for long periods of time without seeing eachother I do really miss him but on a day to day basis i don’t find myself infatuated by him. Im indifferent.
Maybe this is just me not understanding my own feelings? I keep slipping up and acting immorally even though he doesn’t deserve it. He is a bit too obsessed with me to the point where he sulks if my attention isn’t on him at all times during a night out and he follows me around. That is annoying. But it isn’t an excuse for me to treat him badly like I have at times. I feel really shitty. I wish there was a way i could sort this out and not hurt him or myself.