Happy sunday gif

That's it, it's been decided, I WILL try something next Sunday. I cannot live like as this unfixable ugly subhuman God made me, I hope he's happy with what he's done to me.

I've shared fiction here before and it didn't go altogether too poorly, so I'm going to press my luck and do it again. This was written about a year ago, and I'm tired of trying to peddle it to lit magazines. Might as well share it here, know that it met a few eyeballs, and have done with it.
It's relevant to the sub insofar as it's about urban alienation and the working conditions at a small business run by IN THIS HOUSE WE BELIEVE people. (I tried to pitch it as a story of the great resignation with a momentary flicker of cosmic horror.) It's based on a similar job I took on after getting laid off during the lockdown, and the circumstances of the main character's breakup are faintly similar to one I went through several years back (her job sucked the life out of her).
Without further ado:
* * *
It was getting close to midnight, and the temperature outside was still above 80 degrees. We’d locked up the shop at 10:15 and walked over to Twenty, the dive bar on Poplar Street, where a single wall-mounted air conditioner and four wobbly ceiling fans weren’t putting up much resistance against the July heat baking the place from the outside and the dense mass of bodies giving it a stifling fever from within.
Just now I came close to saying it was a Wednesday night, because that was usually when the cyclists descended upon Avenue Brew, the gritty-but-bougie craft beer and sandwich shop I was working at back then. Every Wednesday between March and November, about fifteen to twenty-five Gen Xers dressed in skintight polyester, all packages and camel toes and fanny packs, locked up their thousand-dollar bikes on the sidewalk and lined up for IPAs and paninis. They reliably arrived around 8:00, an hour before we closed, making it impossible to get started on the closing checklist and leave on time at 10:00. The worst of them were demanding and rude, and even the best got raucous and stubborn after a couple drinks. There were nights when bringing in the sidewalk tables couldn’t be done without arguing with them. Most were sub-par tippers, to boot.
After Wednesday came and went that week without so much as a single 40-something in Ray Bans and padded shorts stopping in to double-fist two cans of Jai Alai, we dared to hope the cyclists had chosen another spot to be their finish line from there on out. But no—they’d only postponed their weekly ride, and swarmed us on Friday night instead.
I was the last person to find out; I was clocked in as purchaser that evening. The position was something like a promotion I'd received a year earlier: for twenty hours a week, I got to retreat from the public and sit in the back room with the store laptop, reviewing sales and inventory, answering emails from brewery reps, and ordering beer, beverages, and assorted paper goods. When I put in hours as purchaser, my wage went up from $11 to $15 an hour, but I was removed from the tip pool. On most days, tips amounted to an extra two or three dollars an hour, so I usually came out ahead.
This was back in 2021. I don't know what Avenue Brew pays these days.
Anyway, at about 8:15, I stepped out to say goodbye to everyone and found the shop in chaos. Friday nights were generally pretty active, the cyclists' arrival had turned the place into a mob scene. The line extended to the front door. The phone was ringing. The Grubhub tablet dinged like an alarm clock without a snooze button. Danny was on the sandwich line and on the verge of losing his temper. Oliver was working up a sweat running food, bussing tables, and replenishing ingredients from the walk-in. The unflappable Marina was on register, and even she seemed like she was about to snap at somebody.
What else could I do? I stayed until closing to answer the phone, process Grubhub orders, hop on and off the second register, and help Danny with sandwich prep. After the tills were counted out, I stayed another hour to take care of the dishes, since nobody had a chance to do a first load. Oliver was grateful, even though he grumbled about having to make some calls and rearrange Sunday's schedule so I could come in a couple hours late. Irene and Jeremy, Avenue Brew's owners, would kick his ass if he let me go into overtime.
Danny suggested that we deserved a few drinks ourselves after managing to get through the shift without killing anyone. Not even Marina could find a reason to disagree with him.
The neighborhood had undergone enough gentrification to support an upscale brunch spot, an ice cream parlor, a gourmet burger restaurant, a coffee and bahn mi shop, and Avenue Brew (to name a few examples), but not yet quite enough that the people who staffed them couldn’t afford to live within a ten-minute walk from the main avenue where all these hep eateries stood between 24-hour corner stores with slot machines in back, late-night Chinese and Mexico-Italian takeout joints with bulletproof glass at the counters, and long-shuttered delis and shoe stores. Twenty on Poplar was the watering hole set aside for people like us. It was dim, a bit dilapidated, and inexpensive, and usually avoided by denizens of the condos popping up on the vacant lots and replacing clusters of abandoned row houses.
When we arrived, Kyle waved us over. He didn’t work at Avenue Brew anymore, but still kept up with a few of us. He was at Twenty at least four nights out of the week.
So there we all were. I sat with a brooding stranger freestyling to himself in a low mumble on the stool to my left and Oliver on my right, who tapped at his phone and nursed a bottle of Twisted Tea. To Oliver’s right sat Marina, staring at nothing in particular and trying to ignore Danny, who stood behind her, closer than she would have liked, listening to Kyle explain the crucial differences between the Invincible comic book and the Invincible web series.
I recall being startled back to something like wakefulness when it seemed to me that the ceiling had sprouted a new fan. I blinked my eyes, and it wasn’t there anymore. It reminded me of an incident from when I was still living with my folks in South Jersey and still had a car, and was driving home from a friend’s house party up in Bergen County. It was 6:30 AM, I hadn’t slept all night, and needed to get home so I could get at least little shuteye before heading to Whole Foods for my 11:00 AM shift. I imagined I passed beneath the shadows of overpasses I knew weren’t there, and realized I was dreaming at the wheel.
I was pretty thoroughly zombified at that point. Heather and I had broken up for good the night before, and I hadn't gotten even a minute of sleep. Calling out at Avenue Brew was tough. Unless you found someone willing to cover your shift on like six hours' notice, you were liable to get a writeup, a demotion, or your hours cut if you couldn't produce a doctor's note. So I loaded up on caffeine pills and Five-Hour Energy bottles at the corner store, and powered through as best I could.
I finished the last thimbleful of Blue Moon in my glass. Oliver wiped the sweat from the back of his neck with a napkin and covered his mouth to stifle a laugh at the KiwiFarms thread he was scrolling through. Pool balls clacked; somebody swore and somebody laughed. The TouchTunes box was playing Bob Dylan’s “Rain Day Woman #12 & 35,” and enough bleary 40-something men around the bar were bobbing their heads and mouthing the words to make it impossible to determine which one of them paid two bucks to hear it. A guy by the cigarette machine who looked like a caricature of Art Carney in flannel and an old Pixies T-shirt was accosting a woman who must have been a toddler when he hit drinking age, and she momentarily made eye contact with me as she scanned the area for a way out. Danny was shouting over the bartender’s head, carrying on a conversation with the Hot Guy from Pizza Stan’s, who was sitting on the horseshoe’s opposite arm.
I never got his name, but when Oliver first referred to him as the Hot Guy from Pizza Stan’s, I knew exactly who he meant. Philly scene kid par excellence. Mid-20s, washed-out black denim, dyed black hair, thick bangs, and dark, gentle eyes. He was only truly alluring when he was on the job, because he seldom smiled then—and when he smiled, he broke the spell by exposing his teeth, stained a gnarly shade of mahogany from too much smoking and not enough brushing.
“How’s Best? Marcus still a joker?” Danny asked him.
“Yeah, you know Marcus. You know how he is.”
So the Hot Guy had been working at Best Burger (directly across the street from Avenue Brew) ever since Pizza Stan’s owners mismanaged the place unto insolvency. (Afterwards it was renovated and reopened as a vegan bakery—which incidentally closed down about a month ago.) Danny used to work at Best Burger, but that ended after he got into a shouting match with the owner. I happened to overhear it while I was dragging in the tables and collecting the chairs from the sidewalk the night it happened. It wasn’t any of my business, and I tried not to pay attention, but they were really tearing into each other. A month later, Oliver welcomed Danny aboard at Avenue Brew. I hadn’t known he’d been interviewed, and by then it was too late to mention the incident. But I’d have been a hypocrite to call it a red flag after the way I resigned from my position as Café Chakra's assistant manager two years earlier—not that we need to go dredging that up right now. Let's say there was some bad blood and leave it at that.
Anyway, I was thinking about giving in and buying a pack of cigarettes from the machine—and then remembered that Twenty didn’t have a cigarette machine. I looked again. The Art Carney-lookalike was still there, fingering his phone with a frown, but the girl was gone—and so was the cigarette machine.
I had only a moment to puzzle over this before Danny clapped me on the shoulder and thrust a shot glass in front of me.
“Starfish!” he said. (Danny called me Starfish. Everybody else called me Pat.) “You look like you need some juice.”
He distributed shots to everyone else. Marina declined hers, but changed her mind when Kyle offered to take it instead.
She and Kyle had stopped sleeping together after Kyle left Avenue Brew to work at the Victory taproom on the Parkway, but Marina was still concerned about his bad habits, which Danny delighted in encouraging.
We all leaned in to clink our glasses. Before I could find an appropriate moment to ask Marina if I could bum a cigarette, she got up to visit the bathroom. Danny took her seat and bowed his head for a conspiratorial word with Kyle.
I watched from the corner of my eye and tried to listen in. Like Marina, I was a little worried about Kyle. He got hired at Avenue Brew around the same time I did, just before the pandemic temporarily turned us into a takeout joint. He was a senior at Drexel then, an English major, and sometimes talked about wanting to either find work in publishing or carve out a career as a freelance writer after graduating. But first he intended to spend a year getting some life in before submitting himself to the forever grind.
He read a lot of Charles Bukowski and Hunter Thompson. He relished the gritty and sordid, and had already been good at sniffing it out around the neighborhood and in West Philly before Danny introduced him to cocaine, casinos, strip clubs, and a rogue’s gallery of shady but fascinating people. (None were really Danny’s friends; just fellow passengers who intersected with the part of his life where he sometimes went to Parx, sometimes came out ahead, sometimes spent his winnings on coke, and sometimes did bumps at titty bars.) Kyle recounted these adventures with a boyish enthusiasm for the naked reality of sleaze, like a middle schooler telling his locker room buddies about catching his older brother in flagrante and seeing so-and-so body parts doing such-and-such things.
Marina hated it. She never said as much to me, but she was afraid that the template Kyle set for his life during his “year off” was in danger of becoming locked in. The anniversary of his graduation had already passed, and now here he was trying to convince Danny to contribute a couple hundred dollars toward a sheet of acid his guy had for sale. He wasn't doing much writing lately.
I was the oldest employee at Avenue Brew (as I write this I’m 37, but fortunately I don’t look it), and when Kyle still worked with us I felt like it was my prerogative to give him some advice. The longer he waited to make inroads, I once told him, the more likely he’d be seen as damaged goods by the publishing world. He needed to jam his foot in the door while he was still young.
I could tell the conversation bored him, and didn’t bring up the subject again.
The bartender took my glass and curtly asked if I’d like another drink.
“No thanks, not yet,” I answered.
She slid me my bill.
I missed the old bartender, the one she’d replaced. I forget her name, but she was ingenuous and energetic and sweet. Pretty much everyone had some sort of crush on her. Sometimes she came into Avenue Brew for lunch, and tipped us as well as we tipped her. Maybe three months before that night—Danny witnessed it—she suddenly started crying and rushed out the door. Everyone at the bar mutely looked to each other for an explanation. (Fortunately for Twenty, the kitchen manager hadn’t left yet, and picked up the rest of her shift.)
She never came back. None of us had seen her since. But drafts still had to be poured and bottlecaps pulled off, and now here was another white woman in her mid-twenties wearing a black tank top, a pushup bra, and a scrunchie, same as before. Twenty’s regulars grew accustomed to not expecting to see the person she’d replaced, and life went on.
“How’re you doing?” I asked Oliver, just to say something to somebody, and to keep my thoughts from wandering back to Heather.
“Just kind of existing right now,” he answered. His phone lay face-up on the counter. He was swiping through Instagram, and I recognized the avatar of the user whose album he hate-browsed.
“And how’s Austin been?” I asked.
“Oh, you know. Not even three weeks after getting over the jetlag from his trip back from the Cascades, he’s off touring Ireland.” He shook his head. “Living his best life.”
He’d hired Austin on a part-time basis in September. We needed a new associate when Emma was promoted to replace a supervisor who'd quit without even giving his two weeks. There was a whole thing. I'm having a hard time recalling the guy's name, but I liked him well enough. He was a good worker and he seemed like a bright kid, but he was—well, he was young. Naïve. One day he found Jeremy sitting in the back room with his laptop, and took advantage of the open-door policy to ask why the store manager and supervisors didn’t get health benefits or paid time off. Jeremy told him it "was being worked on," and that he couldn’t discuss it any further at that time. I understand the kid got argumentative, though I never knew precisely what was said.
Irene started visiting the shop a lot more often after that, almost always arriving when the kid was working. No matter what he was doing, she’d find a reason to intervene, to micromanage and harangue him, and effectively make his job impossible. A coincidence, surely.
It’s something I still think about. By any metric, Jeremy and Irene have done very well for themselves. They’re both a little over 40 years old. I remember hearing they met at law school. In addition to Avenue Brew, they own a bistro in Francisville and an ice cream parlor in Point Breeze. They have a house on the Blue Line, send their son to a Montessori school, and pull up to their businesses in a white Volkswagen ID.4. But whenever the subject of benefits, wages, or even free shift meals came up, they pled poverty. It simply couldn’t be done. But they liked to remind us about all they did to make Avenue Brew a fun place to work, like let the staff pick the music and allow Oliver and me to conduct a beer tasting once a day. They stuck Black Lives Matter, Believe Women, and Progress flag decals on the front door and windows, and I remember Irene wearing a Black Trans Lives Matter shirt once or twice when covering a supervisor's shift. None of the college students or recent graduates who composed most of Avenue Brew's staff could say the bosses weren't on the right team. And yet...
I'm sorry—I was talking about Austin. He was maybe 30 and already had another job, a “real” job, some sort of remote gig lucrative enough for him to make rent on a studio in the picturesque Episcopal church down the street that had been converted into upscale apartments some years back. Austin wasn’t looking for extra cash. He wanted to socialize. To have something to do and people to talk to in the outside world. He wanted to make friends, and all of us could appreciate that—but it’s hard to be fond of a coworker who irredeemably sucks at his job. Austin never acted with any urgency, was inattentive to detail, and even after repeated interventions from Oliver and the supervisors, he continued to perform basic tasks in bafflingly inefficient ways. Having Austin on your shift meant carrying his slack, and everyone was fed up after a few months. Oliver sat him down, told him he was on thin ice, and gave him a list of the areas in which he needed to improve if he didn’t want to be let go.
When Austin gave Oliver the indignant “I don’t need this job” speech, it was different from those times Danny or I told a boss to go to hell and walked out. Austin truly didn’t need it. He basically said the job was beneath him, and so was Oliver.
It got deep under Oliver’s skin. He did need the job and had to take it seriously, even when it meant being the dipshit manager chewing out a man four or five years his senior. He earned $18 an hour (plus tips when he wasn’t doing admin work), had debts to pay off, and couldn't expect to get any help from his family.
The important thing, though, the part I distinctly remember, was that Oliver was looking at a video of a wading bird Austin had recorded. An egret, maybe. White feathers, long black legs, pointy black beak. Austin must have been standing on a ledge above a creek, because he had an overhead view of the bird as it stood in the water, slowly and deliberately stretching and retracting its neck, eyeing the wriggling little shadows below. As far as the fish could know, they were swimming around a pair of reeds growing out of the silt. The predator from which they extended was of a world beyond their understanding and out of their reach.
The video ended. Oliver moved on to the next item: a photograph of the bird from the same perspective, with a fish clamped in its beak. Water droplets flung from the victim's thrashing tail caught the sunlight. And I remember now, I clearly remember, the shapes of like twelve other fish stupidly milling about the bird's feet, unperturbed and unpanicked.
Danny peered at Oliver’s phone and observed a resemblance between the bird—its shape and bearing, and the composition of the photograph—and a POV porn video shot from behind and above, and he told us so. Elaborately. He made squawking noises.
“And mom says I’m a degenerate,” Oliver sighed. “Can you practice your interspecies pickup artist shit somewhere else?” Oliver flicked his wrist, shooing Danny off, and held his phone in front of his face to signal that he was done talking.
Danny sagged a little on his stool and turned away. I sometimes felt bad for him. For all his faults, he had the heart of a puppy dog. He really did think of us as his tribe. There was nobody else who’d only ever answer “yes” when you asked him to pick up a shift, and he did it completely out of loyalty.
He was turning 29 in a week. I wondered how many people would actually turn out to celebrate with him at the Black Taxi. Kyle probably would—but even he regarded Danny more as a source of vulgar entertainment than a friend.
Then it happened again. When I turned to speak to Oliver, there’d been a pair of pool cues leaning side-by-side against the wall a few stools down. Now they were gone.
This time it might have been my imagination. Somebody passing by could have casually snatched them up and kept walking.
But a moment later I seemed to notice a second TouchTunes box protruding from the wall directly behind me. I let it be.
Marina returned from the bathroom. Danny rose and offered her back her seat with an exaggerated bow. Before she got settled, I asked if she’d like to step outside with me. She withdrew her pack of Marlboro Menthols from her canvas bag, which she left sitting on the stool to deter Danny from sitting back down.
Marina never minded letting me bum cigarettes from time to time. I couldn’t buy them for myself anymore; it’s a habit I could never keep under control, and was only getting more expensive. Like everything else in the world. About once a month I reimbursed her by buying her a pack.
The air out on the sidewalk was as hot as the air inside Twenty, but easier to breathe. After lighting up, Marina leaned against the bricks and sighed.
“I wish Oliver would fire Danny already and get it over with.”
I nodded. Marina rarely talked about anything but work.
“He sneaks drinks and doesn't think anyone notices he's buzzed,” she went on. “He steals so much shit and isn’t even a little subtle about it. He’s going to get Oliver in trouble. And he’s a creep.”
“Yeah,” I said. These were her usual complaints about Danny, and they were all true. “At least he’s better than Austin.”
“That’s a low bar.”
Three dirt bikes and an ATV roared down the lonely street, charging through stop sign after stop sign, putting our talk on hold.
“Remind me. You’ve got one semester left, right?” I asked after the noise ebbed.
“Yep.”
Marina was a marketing major at Temple. She’d had an internship during the spring semester, and her boss told her to give her a call the very minute she graduated. Her parents in central Pennsylvania couldn’t pay her rent or tuition for her, so she was a full-time student and a full-time employee at Avenue Brew. Her emotional spectrum ranged from "tired" to "over it." She’d been waiting tables and working at coffee shops since she was seventeen, had no intention of continuing for even a day longer than she had to, and feared the escape hatch would slam shut if she dallied too long after prying it open.
She’d considered majoring in English, like Kyle. She went for marketing instead. I couldn’t blame her.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You’ve been kind of off all day.”
“I’m terrible.”
“Why?”
I gave dodgy answers, but she asked precisely the right follow-up questions to get me going about what happened with Heather the night before.
It was the new job. Before the pandemic, Heather worked as a server at a Center City bar and grill. (That's where I met her; we were coworkers for about a year, and then I left to work Café Chakra because it was quieter and closer to where I lived.) When the place closed its doors and laid everyone off during the lockdown, she got a stopgap job at the Acme on Passyunk, and hated it. Then in March, she found a bar-and-lounge gig in a ritzy hotel on Broad Street. Very corporate. Excellent pay, great benefits. Definitely a step up. But her new employers made Irene and Jeremy look like Bob and Linda Belcher by comparison. It was the kind of place where someone had recently gotten herself fired for leaving work to rush to the hospital after getting the news that her grandmother was about to be taken off life support, and not finding someone to come in and cover the last two hours of her shift.
Heather seldom worked fewer than fifty-five hours a week, and her schedule was even more erratic than mine. At least once a week she left the hotel at 1:00 or 2:00 AM and returned at 9:00 the next morning. Neither of us could remember the last time she’d had two consecutive days off, and it had been over a month since one of mine overlapped with one of hers. She’d spent it drinking alone at home. All she wanted was some privacy.
I’d biked to South Philly to meet her when she got home at 1:30. The argument that killed our relationship for good began around 2:30, when I complained that we never had sex anymore. Heather accused me of only caring about that, when she was so exhausted and stressed that her hair was falling out in the shower. Quit the job? She couldn’t quit. The money was too good. She had student loans, medical bills, and credit card debt, and for the first time in her life she could imagine paying it all off before hitting menopause.
So, yeah, I was cranky about our sex life being dead in the water. Say whatever you like. But at that point, what were we to each other? We did nothing together anymore but complain about work before one or both of us fell asleep. That isn’t a relationship.
She said my hair always smelled like sandwiches, even after bathing, and she was done pretending it didn’t turn her off. I told her she was one to talk—she always reeked of liquor. As things escalated, we stopped caring if her roommates heard us. “You want to be a father?” she shouted around 4:00 AM. “Making what you make? That poor fucking kid.”
We fought until sunrise, and I left her apartment with the understanding that I wouldn’t be coming back, wouldn’t be calling her ever again. I biked home and sat on the steps facing the cement panel that was my house’s backyard. After my phone died and I couldn’t anaesthetize myself with dumb YouTube videos or make myself feel crazy staring at the download button for the Tinder app, I watched the sparrows hopping on and off the utility lines for a while.
At 11:40 I went inside. One of my roommates was already in the shower, so the best I could do was put on a clean Avenue Brew T-shirt before walking to the shop and clocking in at noon to help deal with the lunch rush.
“That’s a lot,” Marina finally said. “Sorry.”
I don’t know what I was expecting her to say. She was sixteen years my junior, after all, and just a coworker. She didn’t need to hear any of this, and I definitely didn't need to be telling her. But who else was there to tell?
She’d already finished her cigarette. I still had a few puffs left. She went inside.
I decided to call it a night.
The second TouchTunes box was gone—naturally. Danny had taken my stool, and regarded my approach with a puckish you snooze you lose grin. I wasn’t going to say anything. I’d just pay my bill, give everyone a nod goodnight, and walk the five blocks back home.
And then Danny disappeared.
One second, he was there. The next—gone.
Danny didn’t just instantaneously vanish. Even when something happens in the blink of an eye, you can still put together something of a sequence. I saw him—I seemed to see him—falling into himself, collapsing to a point, and then to nothing.
You know how sometimes a sound is altogether inaudible unless you’re looking at the source—like when you don’t realize somebody’s whispering at you, and can then hear and understand them after they get your attention? I think that was the case here. I wouldn't have known to listen if I hadn't seen it happen. What I heard lingered for two, maybe three seconds, and wasn't any louder than a fly buzzing inside a lampshade. A tiny and impossibly distant scream, pitchshifted like a receding ambulance siren into a basso drone...
I don’t know. I don’t know for sure. I’m certain I remember a flash of red, and I have the idea of Danny’s trunk expanding, opening up as it imploded. A crimson flower, flecked white, with spooling pink stalks—and Danny’s wide-eyed face above it, drawn twisting and shrinking into its petals.
For an instant, Twenty’s interior shimmered. Not shimmered, exactly—glitched would be a better word. If you’re old enough to remember the fragmented graphics that sometimes flashed onscreen when you turned on the Nintendo without blowing on the cartridge, you’ll have an idea of what I mean. It happened much too fast, and there was too much of it to absorb. The one clear impression I could parse was the mirage of a cash register flickering upside-down above the pool table.
Not a cash register. The shape was familiar, but the texture was wrong. I think it was ribbed, sort of like a maggot. I think it glistened. Like—camo doesn’t work anymore when the wearer stops crouching behind a bush and breaks into a run. Do you get what I’m saying?
Nobody else seemed to notice. The pool balls clacked. A New Order track was playing on the TouchTunes box. A nearby argument about about Nick Sirianni continued unabated.
Finally, there was a downward rush of air—and this at least elicited a reaction from the bartender, who slapped my bill to keep it from sailing off the counter.
“Danny,” I said.
“Danny?” Kyle asked me quietly. His face had gone pale.
“Danny?” Oliver repeated in a faraway voice.
After a pause, Kyle blinked a few times. “You heard from him?”
“God forbid,” said Marina. “When he quit I was like, great, I can keep working here after all.”
“Oh, come on—”
“Kyle. Did I ever show you those texts he sent me once at three in the morning?” The color had returned to Oliver’s face.
“No, what did he say?”
Oliver tapped at his phone and turned the screen toward Kyle.
“Oh. Oh, jeez.”
“Right? Like—if you want to ask me something, ask me. You know? Don’t be weirdly accusatory about it…”
I pulled a wad of fives and ones from my pocket, threw it all onto the counter, and beelined for the exit without consideration for the people I squeezed through and shoved past on the way.
I heard Marina saying “let him go.”
I went a second consecutive night without sleep. Fortunately I wasn’t scheduled to come in the next day.
The schedule. It’s funny. Oliver was generally great at his job, and even when he wasn’t, I cut him a lot of slack because I knew Irene and Jeremy never gave him a moment’s peace. But I could never forgive him those times he waited until the weekend to make up and distribute the schedule. This was one of those weeks he didn’t get around to it until Saturday afternoon. When I found it in my inbox, Danny’s name wasn’t anywhere on it.
As far as I know, nobody who hadn’t been at Twenty that night asked what happened to him. We were a bit overstaffed as it was, and everyone probably assumed Danny was slated for the chopping block. The part-timers were, for the most part, happy to get a few additional hours.
Oliver abruptly quit around Labor Day after a final acrimonious clash with the owners. I never found out the details, and I never saw him again. Jeremy and Irene took turns minding the store while a replacement manager was sought. None of the supervisors would be pressured into taking the job; they knew from Oliver what they could expect.
About three weeks after Oliver left, I came in for my purchasing shift and found Jeremy waiting for me in the back room. I knew it was serious when he didn’t greet me with the awkward fist-bump he ordinarily required of his male employees.
“You’ve seen the numbers,” he said. Business for the summer had fallen short of expectations, it was true, and he and Irene had decided to rein in payroll expenses. My purchaser position was being eliminated. Its responsibilities would be redistributed among the supervisors and the new manager, when one was found. In the meantime, I'd be going back to the regular $11 an hour (plus tips of course) associate position full-time.
Jeremy assured me I'd be first in the running for supervisor the next time there was an opening.
I told him it was fine, I was done, and if he’d expected the courtesy of two weeks’ notice, he shouldn’t have blindsided me like that.
“Well, that’s your choice,” he answered, trying not to look pleased. His payroll problem was solving itself.
I racked up credit card debt for a few months. Applied for entry-level museum jobs that might appreciate my art history degree. Aimed for some purchasing and administrative assistant gigs, and just for the hell of it, turned in a resume for a facilitator position at an after-school art program. Got a few interviews. All of them eventually told me they’d decided to go in a different direction. I finally got hired to bartend at Hops from Underground, a microbrewery on Fairmount.
I’m still there. The money’s okay, but it fluctuates. Hours are reasonable. I’m on their high-deductible health plan. There’s a coworker I’ve been dating. Sort of dating. You know how it goes. In this line of work you get so used to people coming and going that you learn not to get too attached. I walk past Avenue Brew a few times a week, but stopped peering in through the window when I didn't recognize the people behind the counter anymore.

Hi there! Looking for a FS/partial/larger decant (say 2ml+?) of NAVA Crystalline 2 from Valentine's 2023. Though if you have a smaller sample, I'd be happy to check out the rest of your destash :)
Thanks for looking! Please reply here or PM, chat isn't available on mobile. My destash has some NAVA, Arcana, and a few other houses, but it's a bit low right now, so feel free to let me know your ISOs or preferences if you prefer to swap :)

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Conservative Kiwi

Happy weekend everybody! I have some cards up for sale. Please feel free to ask for close-ups. I do work Tuesdays-Saturdays from mid afternoon til early morning and I am off Sunday and Monday so my availability for pictures may be limited during these times. Here is what I’ve got:
This page I am firm on the prices.
$10: Arceus Lv.X Promo, Entei HGSS Promo, Fire Energy HGSS Base, Call Energy Reverse Majestic Dawn - MP
$5: Charizard from Arceus - Damaged
$1: Golbat and Spearow Reverse Holos - NM
https://imgur.com/a/yIs6q65
All the cards listed here range from MP-HP with a few LP cards scattered in which will all be priced accordingly from TCG Player. These I am willing to take reasonable offers for.
https://imgur.com/a/Ot4eCPv
Here are the Black and White reverse Holo cards I have. All of these are $0.50 each firm and are in NM-LP condition. The fronts on the majority of them are near flawless but the edges on the back have some slight wear.
https://imgur.com/a/e5Q6Qvu
Here are my Diamond & Pearl and Heartgold Soulsilver Common/Uncommon cards. Conditions range from LP to MP+ and are $0.25 each firm regardless of the card.
https://imgur.com/a/Z4jj1tG
These cards are all $0.10 each and the Scrafty Holo is $0.25.
https://imgur.com/a/qaJNobO
If you are interested in trading videogames for cards, price charting average will be used for primary value measurement for the games. I have a post in my history for wants but I am solely a Nintendo collector and can negotiate. $1 PWE and $4 for Bubble Mailer. To save on shipping, I can send 2 PWEs for $2. I can also ship to Canada as well but I may have to increase shipping costs slightly. Cards will be shipped with care. Thanks for looking!
SOLD CARDS:

• Arceus Lv.X Promo
  
• Platinum Base Giratina Deck Exclusive
  
• Platinum Arceus Fighting Arceus Holo
  

So, here is my story, it will be really long. Sorry about grammatic mistakes, im not native speaker. If you want to skip to drdp related text, it will be marked below.
From childhood I was really, really anxious about everything. My peak was, when I went to Sunday School, and fixed on a thought, that my parents will go to heaven, and I will go to hell, because of my sins. And i really loved (and still) my parents, so every night was a horror. Funny enough, after around two years of this torture (i really mean it, it was so bad, especially for young mind), i completly lost ability to have nightmares. I had like 2 after 9 years old, and even than, those were nothing in comparison with those, i had before. So, at 18 y.o im getting my diagnose (somewhat of a mix: GAD-based MDD :) )
I having treatment with mirtazapine with pick in 15mg (those who knows, that s not that much)
And I responded really well, my anxiety (the "ill" one) flew away, and depression sinked after lost of anxiety. Parallely, there were a lot of stress in my life. School, uni, than work, personal life, regular stuff. And I occasionally smoked weed. Not much, not often, never two days in a row, and the smallest gap was 3 weeks (it was only once, usually 1.5 months minimally, 6 months casually between smoking). And I am also responded really well. I was happy, no anxiety or panic at all, but i was also really responsible. At 19 years old I stopped vaping (I was vaping 3 years, 2 years on nic, from 17 to 19 on really high dosage, 20 - 50 mg/ml on 100 watt).
Here starts DRDP question
But, in February of this year, my dog died. I was always afraid of it, all my life, I prayed to god for his health all my life. He had heart cancer, really rare case. And on first days of his illness, i was alone with him, i had noone who could help me. So I had a couple of really intense episodes, not sure if those were panic attacks, but i felt really bad, nausea, dizzines, vertigo, heartrate is 120 (my normal is 100). He died after 2 weeks. It was so painfull to see how he is changing, how his behavour is "unnormal". We decided to put him down, until he got pains (he was inoperable). All of this started, after 3 days of me slipped off of mirtazapine (really bad timing). But, it seemed as a surprise to me, I really lacked in emotions in comparison of what i expected from my self. My bet is that, my brain tried to pull me out of situation, because i faced my biggest existential fear, the fear of death. Anytime I think of death (from childhood and now on), I am getting temporary severe anxiety, that I once had. It flews away when I stop thinking of it, but this fear is on a place.
So, after this I developed serious headaches. I tried to go to neurologist, and had all my analysis passed, everything was fine. On march 25, it was a soccer match, so I decided to have a little weed (by little, I really mean it, I was not even high, just slightly apettite boosted). Everything was fine, I ate a lot, and went to sleep. Afterwards, I woke up at 3 a.m, with strange feeling. It was like nausea with mild anxiety (I think, organism wanted me to go to toilet, because, I really had a lot of food), but, I tried to fell asllep once again. And I fell of in some kind of limb, as it was dream in ultrasound, i was not asleep, but I saw how i am slowly flying in dark entity with white artifacts appearing around me. It was like 3 seconds long, but I really freaked out. On a next day I felt still "high", so I thought that it was just me being too tired and not had enough sleep. But as time went, I still got this feeling of "something isnt right". It seemed to me, like my vestibular system was really hecked up, full time vertigo, and like general feeling, like my sensory systems were inadequately perceive the signals (colors were not right, blurry vision, a lot of dark dots and so on). First week, every night I had anxiety attacks. I thought that I am physically damaged, that something is not right. But, I didnt have any feeling of not being me, or not living my life. I was living in constant fear, that I will be forever stuck in this condition (that was along with me had a little break up with my pshychiatrist, because, I asked her about my condition in link with weed, and in our country weed is not yet decriminalised). I was really tired of vertigo and nausea.
And here I am, 2.5 months past, and I came back to mirtazapine (now 7.5 mg, more like a sleep aid). I am feeling really better, but still, I am catching these visual distortions, and overall, I am really afraid of having anything even mildly psychoactive (primarily caffeine and alcohol). So, what is your thoughts, what is wrong with me? Was it DPDR, or just severe anxiety after dogs death? I am really afraid of getting back to that cycle. Thank you for reading all of that, I really appreciate it.
edit 1 - I want to add, after dogs death , developed not exactly headaches, but paresthesias in my head, like something really heavy pushed my forehead (from inside to outside), that sometimes were becoming into headaches. So I was really freaking out, if that was a schizophrenia or something...

So, here is my story, it will be really long. Sorry about grammatic mistakes, im not native speaker. If you want to skip to drdp related text, it will be marked below.
From childhood I was really, really anxious about everything. My peak was, when I went to Sunday School, and fixed on a thought, that my parents will go to heaven, and I will go to hell, because of my sins. And i really loved (and still) my parents, so every night was a horror. Funny enough, after around two years of this torture (i really mean it, it was so bad, especially for young mind), i completly lost ability to have nightmares. I had like 2 after 9 years old, and even than, those were nothing in comparison with those, i had before. So, at 18 y.o im getting my diagnose (somewhat of a mix: GAD-based MDD :) )I had treatment with mirtazapine with pick in 15mg (those who knows, that s not that much)And I responded really well, my anxiety (the "ill" one) flew away, and depression sinked after lost of anxiety. Parallely, there were a lot of stress in my life. School, uni, than work, personal life, regular stuff. And I occasionally smoked weed. Not much, not often, never two days in a row, and the smallest gap was 3 weeks (it was only once, usually 1.5 months minimally, 6 months casually between smoking). And I am also responded really well. I was happy, no anxiety or panic at all, but i was also really responsible. At 19 years old I stopped vaping (I was vaping 3 years, 2 years on nic, from 17 to 19 on really high dosage, 20 - 50 mg/ml on 100 watt).
Here starts DRDP question
But, in February of this year, my dog died. I was always afraid of it, all my life, I prayed to god for his health all my life. He had heart cancer, really rare case. And on first days of his illness, i was alone with him, i had noone who could help me. So I had a couple of really intense episodes, not sure if those were panic attacks, but i felt really bad, nausea, dizzines, vertigo, heartrate is 120 (my normal is 100). He died after 2 weeks. It was so painfull to see how he is changing, how his behavour is "unnormal". We decided to put him down, until he got pains (he was inoperable). All of this started, after 3 days of me slipped off of mirtazapine (really bad timing). But, it seemed as a surprise to me, I really lacked in emotions in comparison of what i expected from my self. My bet is that, my brain tried to pull me out of situation, because i faced my biggest existential fear, the fear of death. Anytime I think of death (from childhood and now on), I am getting temporary severe anxiety, that I once had. It flews away when I stop thinking of it, but this fear is on a place.
So, after this I developed serious headaches. I tried to go to neurologist, and had all my analysis passed, everything was fine. On march 25, it was a soccer match, so I decided to have a little weed (by little, I really mean it, I was not even high, just slightly apettite boosted). Everything was fine, I ate a lot, and went to sleep. Afterwards, I woke up at 3 a.m, with strange feeling. It was like nausea with mild anxiety (I think, organism wanted me to go to toilet, because, I really had a lot of food), but, I tried to fell asllep once again. And I fell of in some kind of limb, as it was dream in ultrasound, i was not asleep, but I saw how i am slowly flying in dark entity with white artifacts appearing around me. It was like 3 seconds long, but I really freaked out. On a next day I felt still "high", so I thought that it was just me being too tired and not had enough sleep. But as time went, I still got this feeling of "something isnt right". It seemed to me, like my vestibular system was really hecked up, full time vertigo, and general feeling, like my sensory systems were inadequately perceive the signals (colors were not right, blurry vision, a lot of dark dots and so on). First week, every night I had anxiety attacks. I thought that I am physically damaged, that something is not right. But, I didnt have any feeling of not being me, or not living my life. I was living in constant fear, that I will be forever stuck in this condition (that was along with me had a little break up with my pshychiatrist, because, I asked her about my condition in link with weed, and in our country weed is not yet decriminalised). I was really tired of vertigo and nausea.
And here I am, 2.5 months past, and I came back to mirtazapine (now 7.5 mg, more like a sleep aid). I am feeling really better, but still, I am catching these visual distortions, and overall, I am really afraid of having anything even mildly psychoactive (primarily caffeine and alcohol). So, what is your thoughts, what is wrong with me? Was it DPDR, or just severe anxiety after dogs death? I am really afraid of getting back to that cycle. Thank you for reading all of that, I really appreciate it.
edit 1 - I want to add, after dogs death , developed not exactly headaches, but paresthesias in my head, like something really heavy pushed my forehead (from inside to outside), that sometimes were becoming into headaches. So I was really freaking out, if that was a schizophrenia or something...

The wife and I went and looked at another property yesterday. Oddly enough we looked at the house just next store a few weeks prior. Both gorgeous, and with a wonderful piece of property. She fell in love. Checked all the wants/needs (except for detached garage, which the other one did have). The area is perfect. Same distance to work, quiet location and plenty of upgradable opportunities with the unfinished basement.
Well, we put in an offer. Trying to be competitive, and with a laundry list of recent repaiupdates over the last 4 years, we decided to waive inspection. Also, wanting to be competitive went $18k over asking. The listing agent said they’d be taking offers till this Sunday at 5pm and then of course have to look over the offer. Really hoping to have some good news Monday morning/afternoon.
My fellow FTHB/Redditors, do you think I shouldn’t have waived an inspection? My wife is quiet literally IN-LOVE with this house, I could live in a shed and be fine (I did when I was in high school and had nowhere to go). I want us both to be happy. I want it for her.

last sunday i finally saw the guy i was going out with again face to face after 6 months. we hung out at my place and he dyed my hair. he put a towel around my shoulders while standing in front of me. he was so close and my face was red.
he did a great job and was so gentle the whole time, but what really stuck with me is when he washed out the dye. I've never been treated so gently and lovingly. he asked me to cover my face, so it wouldn't get stained. so i stood there, hunched over my bathroom sink with the boy i love gently caressing my temples and neck as if i was the most precious thing on earth.
I've experienced emotional neglect and abandonment far too many times. I'm very insecure about my face when my hair is wet and slicked back and i feared he'd see what i see and leave me but he wouldn't until he had to. he's so present. it broke me in the best way possible because it was necessary for me to begin healing these wounds.
we gave each other letters to open once we were apart again. they were painfully romantic and included asking the other out, so of course we said yes. this was not at all coordinated whatsoever. we're boyfriends! i still can't believe it but we are. this is a first for both of us and we couldn't be happier. today we're going to museums all night long and then he's sleeping over. I'm happy.

First time poster on this subreddit. So if I make any mistakes or needs clarification, please let me know. I could use the support as I'm currently going through cognitive dissonance. I feel mentally drained and weak as I'm also recovering from a serious work injury on my left hand.
Also little did I know that such a beautiful woman like herself with sweetness could eventually turn into a completely different person. I suppose this is where she would be the reason why I give up on online relationships overall.
If you want to find out the real problems, **skip all the boring messages to paragraph 6.
To start off where I met this woman, I met her from a dating site last year on April 11th. I initiated the conversation with her as she had a friend here who helped with the translation. "Yayyy me," I thought thinking I was the lucky guy. Despite the huge language barrier, we managed to hit it off by using a legit site that translates our words privately by real professionals. And yes it gets expensive when it's $1.04 per 100 characters. But that didn't matter to me. Her happiness and positive emotions was what mattered to me. I admired the pictures of her even if she wasn't smiling. But her half-smile in these pictures lit her inner glow. We've tried using AI translator and it has caused confusion due to the wordings and grammar. Her intention was to come to the United States and settle in Chicago before be together and for our meeting in real life to be special. Alright that was a huge plus.
Her not being a social media person, we did not video chat or phone call to each other because we both agreed that the first meeting in real life would then not be the same. However we did record videos of ourselves, shared cool collection of gifs, and wished happy holidays. As I was learning her language I offered her to call me if she wanted emotional support because of the current issues she's experiencing in real situation. But of course she said she'd let me know. First few months I began to struggle to refill the money in the website as I got to take care of bills. I told her I needed one week to refill and my messages would be short. She said she understood my situation and said no matter how short sized the letters are as long as there is deep emotional connections.
**Fast forward to where I noticed the bad apples arise. It all started after arriving in the hospital due to a serious work injury on my left hand. I told her what happened to me. I told her the day I was going for my surgery and she sent me sad emojis on the site. The next day after my hand surgery and high on Anesthesia, I log into the site and she sends me this seemingly superficial message

Her: Of course, I'm glad we met a year ago, although to tell you the truth, I think our relationship is going through bad times at the moment, but I believe things will change for much better when we meet.
Me: I'm glad that we met a year ago too. I hope I understand what you're saying about our relationship. Although it would be nice if I knew why you think it's going through bad times at this moment.

I ended up bawling alone in the hospital bed as my self-confidence dwindled. Also not once did she call me. My family members that visited me asked if she called me. I replied "no" to that and they all were wondering what she is doing. Then I questioned myself if this is normal. And I gave the benefit of the doubt. Next day she replies:

I'm certainly aware of your financial problems, and I'm well aware of that. But I still attribute these problems not only to the size of the letters, but to depth and understanding in general.

Later as time progresses and discharged from the hospital on May 11th. I'm able to go home while still in recovery. 1 in a half weeks passes by. I login to send her a message and I ask her for clarification on what she meant by the message I quoted above. She flat out denied it by saying

In fact, I wasn't saying at the time that our relationship was going through hard times. I was saying it wasn't the best of times

I gave into what she said by thinking that there was an occasional translation problem on the site. Another week passes by where she sends me a selfie with no smile. I complimented her beauty and wished she smiled. Admittedly It was not the best choice of words I made because of how offended she was. So I apologized and made up to her and poured my heart out to her. This is what I said:

Honey, listen. There's something I need to say because realized I made a mistake. I wish to take everything back I said. I'm terribly sorry for the negativity I made about your picture as it was never meant to bring you down. I'll take the fall on that. I reread my letter and didn't add what I wanted to say. I wished that you smiled because when you do, it adds more glow to your face and it makes my heart flutter. Your smile also serves as a reminder in why I find you the best woman in my life. Like coffee, when I get up in the morning, I always look forward to starting my morning with you. And when the cup is empty, I miss you just like when we've exchanged messages telling each other how we truly felt as a distraction from your bad days. I understand and know that you are trying to look better with permanent crowns in which I'm really excited for you. I hope that the procedure all goes well. But know this, you don't need to have teeth when you smile. You can smile with cheek. But when you smile I hope that it's out of pure affection and that it's because you feel loved by this man. I know that you are upset with me and it's okay to vent it out with me if it helps you. I accept that things won't get better quick. However my desire for you to know that the only woman I've ever been in love with is with you since the beginning.

But then when she responded, the messages became superficial and not genuine. She said

I understand you about this situation, it's not an issue for me anymore and I'm just trying to move on. All I meant was that if I sent a picture without a smile, that doesn't mean I have to smile and you have to accept such a picture as it is. And it's the same if you send something or say something. Although you can, again, not accept it, that's your right. And there is no need to change my mind to start thinking otherwise. I thank you for your kind words anyway and it brings me joy. And your compliments are important to me

At this point, it really made me upset because I felt this whole time that she just didn't love me for who I am. It took me 1 day before gathering my thoughts before breaking it off. On May 31st, I send her a very lengthy message about how all I felt as mentioned in this post especially when she never called me in the hospital. I asked where she had been all this time, called out on her lie, etc.
After confronting her, I could tell she was very upset and there was some sincerity. But then she denied everything she did and victimizing herself and also acted like she had no clue. Not only that but after confronting again and telling her that I would no longer refill the money for the translation services, she went psycho on me and said that I declared war on her messages. She mocked me by saying "Oh, poor you" after telling her for the past 2 months that I felt no sense of love. Then labeled me a narcissist, a man who shows love, kindness, simplicity behind a mask in disguise. I felt this whole time she never knew who I was. In past abusive relationships, I've always questioned my own sanity. But she cut communication completely from me making me unable to write to her.
TL;DR The long distance relationship lasted for a full year. On May 31st I broke up with my Ukrainian gf and lost faith in the relationship because I felt she downplayed the situation after finding out I was in the hospital and lack of empathy and love. Need support

https://play.limitlesstcg.com/tournament/6474a3779b9f5808497aad61/details
https://discord.gg/P3qC8TmP8A
(yes this is a reg C practice tournament by the way 😁)
The VGC Trainers' School are happy to be hosting another tournament, this time in preparation for the Fresno regionals VGC 2023 regulation C. All games to be played on cart, with the format being VGC Regulation C with BO3 Swiss.
It will be on Sunday 4th june at 6pm BST (8pm CEST, 1pm EST, 10am PST)
(If you're enjoying these tournaments please consider making a donation to me using https://www.paypal.me/aoxVGC) I spend quite a bit of my free time running these events and would appreciate the support :)

So a little background...... I filed for divorce just have to wait until September before they can be filed with the courts. Her father originally agreed to Friday 5pm pick up to Sunday 8pm drop off. Every other weekend. He's come for her twice only in 3 months and not at the times he's said he was going to be there. Which i guess worked out because i was iffy on overnights since he lives with men. When I inform him of his daughter's well being he automatically blames me. See its because you take her to the park, it's because you are always working. If she was with me this wouldn't happen etc. In the past days i inform him of anything send him pictures videos etc and he responds either 👍or ok. Then he gets upset that our child doesn't want him near her and happy when he's gone. Now he's saying I don't even know why i come. She doesn't even love me you should come back. No.