I am not the Original Poster. That is u/throwawaymom_12. She posted in AmItheAsshole.
Mood Spoiler: hopeful
Original Post: May 19, 2023
I (33F) am married to John (35M). Together we have a daughter (3F) and are currently expecting our second child together. We both also have a child from previous relationships: I have Liam (8M) from my previous marriage, and my husband has Ava (10F).
I make Sunday lunch for my family every week. On Friday, Liam asked if I could make stuffing without onions this week. Liam doesn't normally eat stuffing. He tried it a few times, decided he wasn't a fan, and that was it. He tried it with his dad the weekend before (we have 50/50 custody, so our weekends vary) and liked it. I agreed, and on Sunday made my son his own stuffing without onions. It's no big deal, after all, and I'm happy to make separate portions of anything if it means my children eat more.
This is where the problem starts. We sit at the dining table and John points out that Liam has stuffing on his plate. Liam tells him that I made him stuffing without onions, because he likes it without the onions. Immediately, I noticed Ava's mood sour, and when I pressed her, she asked why I didn't make her stuffing without onions when she'd asked about it months ago. Now, I'd understand where she was coming from if she'd actually asked but I had no clue what she was talking about. I said as much, and she told me that she'd brought it up with John, who said he'd talk to me. John never spoke to me about it, and told Ava that it was 'too much work' for me to take out the onions just for her.
John said he didn't tell me because he thought it'd be too hard on me, wanted to make things easier, thought I'd only say no anyway. He even said that it didn't make sense to make a separate portion for just one person. He said it was stupid that I'd even done it for Liam. He said the kids should learn to either make do with onions or not have stuffing at all, because not everything in life is going to go their way. I called him an idiot. I then went to the kitchen and got the rest of the onion-less stuffing for Ava to try.
Later that evening, Ava went back to her mother's and told her what happened, which caused an argument between her and John (and they're not on good terms anyway). John has been angry with me since. He says it's my fault Ava (and her mother) is mad at him. He says I should've just left the 'd*mn stuffing' alone, that I'm just spoiling my son by giving into him like that. There's been some name-calling, but I'd rather not repeat what he said.
Liam must have told Mike what happened, too, because he's told me that he thinks John is overreacting. John's mother and older sister think I'm an a-hole, but his brother has told me to just ignore him. My parents are also on my side, because they used to make separate portions for me when I was a child if I didn't like a specific ingredient. My sister told me to post on here to see if the majority think I'm in the wrong or not. So, I dread to ask, am I the a-hole for making a separate portion of stuffing to suit my son's taste?
Relevant Comments:
Has your husband been saying things to the children about food behind your back? Is it a behavior he exhibited with his ex?
"I hadn't thought about that. Liam hasn't mentioned anything, but I'll have to have a talk with him just in case. I'll ask his father if he's said anything about John, too. Thank you!"
"I definitely will. I'm in charge of pick up this week, so it'll definitely be addressed before I head home. I'll be stopping at Mike's place to talk with him and Liam about John, and then I'll talk with Ava and her mom when I pick her up. There have been a lot of helpful comments and I've realised I need to talk to John's ex, too, to see if this is behaviour that he exhibited when they were married"
Is this anger a pattern of behavior for John?
"He has always had a habit of calling names when he's angry, but he never used to get angry all that often"
"John hasn't always been this bull-headed. He's kind and funny, and he loves the kids. But I'll admit there's been a change in him over the last few months."
"Thank you, I really appreciate it. He is normally very good to us, but he has been quicker to anger these past few months after I found out I was pregnant with our second child together. Hopefully it'll get better after our talk. Thank you again!"
Did you call him an idiot in front of the kids?
"I'll admit calling him an idiot wasn't my best moment. I didn't say it aggressively by any means, but looking back it was wrong to do so. Definitely a slip of the tongue and not something I practice often (especially in front of the kids). I was just blown away, honestly"
OOP decides what else to do:
"Thank you. As bizarre as this argument has been, it's definitely been an eye-opener. I'm planning on showing him these comments tonight when our daughter is in bed. I also plan to have a long talk and air everything out before Liam and Ava come home tomorrow"
Can you teach the kids to make their own food too?
"That's another thing! Liam and Ava do sometimes help out when I'm making the dinner on Sundays. If they're not otherwise engaged (because holding a child's attention can sometimes be a battle), they'll help me with peeling the potatoes or stirring the gravy, etc. John has always been hands-off on Sunday dinners!"
OOP is voted NTA
Update Post: May 23, 2023 (4 days later)
Hi everyone. Before I begin, I just wanted to thank everyone for the overwhelming number of comments and messages I received as a response to my original post. Because of the support and advice that a lot of you gave me, I wanted to come back and give you all an update on how things have progressed since then.
On Friday night, aka a few hours after I posted, I sat down with my husband after he put our 3yo to bed to talk about what had transpired and why he reacted the way that he did. We spent fifteen minutes just reading through comments and messages you guys left, and John was ashamed. He was also very hurt that his reaction (i.e. the name calling) was, in the eyes of the majority, bordering on abuse. He was disgusted with himself.
Now onto the onion debacle. I'm not going to quote everything he said word for word, but it boils down to this: John's dad was very strict when it came to meals. You ate what you were given, and that was that. If John or his siblings ever expressed their dislike for something on their plate, even if it was just one thing, then the meal would be thrown out and they'd go to bed hungry. His dad drilled into him the same "not everything goes your way" mentality that John expressed last week. No one ever told John any different growing up. His mom followed the same rules even after his parents divorced. His dad remarried and John's step-mom was just as bad. If John wanted something, it was an automatic 'no' from her. John didn't tell me about Ava's request because he didn't want me to shut her down as coldly as he was. I guess it was two traumas with one stone.
Then it comes to the anger. Again, I'm summarising here, but John attributes it to stress. He feels overwhelmed with the kids and the pregnancy, and his work has been particularly busy over the last few months. He feels constantly frustrated and doesn't know how to bring that down. But then he asked a question that really blew my mind. He asked if I was having an affair with my ex-husband/Liam's father. Apparently his mom (lovely lady) made a comment about how close we were, how it was 'unnatural', and it's been playing on his mind since. I'll admit that Mike (my ex-husband) and I are close. We're friends. We have a child together. But we don't love each other anymore. All of this I told my husband. I asked if I did something to make him not trust me on that.
Well, after four years of marriage, I found out why John and his ex-wife hate each other. She had an affair. He didn't want to tell me because he was embarrassed and he wanted to put it behind him. He also didn't want me to hate her and maybe have that ruin my relationship with Ava, because it was his pain (his 'burden') to carry. He's bitter because she never apologised and blamed him for the affair. He's apologised profusely for the pain he has caused me and our children. I apologised for calling him an idiot. We both agreed no onions on Sunday.
Despite this exhausting and enlightening conversation with John, I still sat down and spoke with Liam the next day when I went to pick him up from Mike's. Liam said John has never said anything 'weird' to him, nor has he gotten angry/yelled at him, he's never raised a hand. Mike said that Liam has never mentioned anything to him about John. He also said that Liam still brings up the time that John took him and Ava to the zoo when I was pregnant with our youngest.
I also decided to go ahead and talk with John's ex-wife, Izzy. I asked her if John was ever 'hotheaded' when they were together, and she said that he'd get angrier with stress. I then asked about the affair, because while I wanted to believe my husband unconditionally, I needed to hear it from her side. She admitted it. She said that she 'connected' with a guy from her job. She said she doesn't feel guilty about it, because it felt like John was waiting for an excuse to leave, because that's exactly what he did. They argued, and he left, and that was it. Neither of them fought for their marriage, and Izzy's bitterness is mostly due to the fact that, when they were in the process of divorcing, John ordered a DNA test on Ava because the affair made him question if he was really Ava's father.
There were no onions on Sunday. John has agreed not only to couple's counselling but to solo counselling as well. We're also considering family therapy, but before we commit to it, I want to get Mike and Izzy's opinions since they're the other parent of our respective children. John has also apologised to both Ava and Liam separately for the incident. He made the stuffing this weekend with Ava, no onions. It was nice. John even apologised to my parents for being a no-show last week. It's been very stressful, but I love my husband. I believe that he can grow from this. I know him to be kind, and funny, and just a good man overall. I hope from the bottom of my heart that things will be looking up by the time we welcome our son into this world.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments and messages again. I genuinely believe that your advice may have helped save our marriage. Or, at the very least, given me the strength I needed to save it myself.

Hello, I've been working on revising an old magic system to fit with a new story, and I wanted to get some feedback on if my system works well or not. It's a long one, but feel free to hit me with any questions/comments/criticisms about it! Please excuse the inconstent capitalization though, I'm working on it.
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An Occultists’ Guide to Boundaries
All of reality is built on boundaries. A boundary is a metaphysical container for both the physical matter and the concepts defining an object. For example, imagine for a moment a ball sitting on a table. Now imagine an invisible skin, wrapped tightly around the entire surface area of the ball, encapsulating all the information and properties of the ball. Now imagine that invisible skin suddenly disappeared, leading the concepts that once filled it to just drift away. They might be infused into the table, making it ‘bright red’, or ‘round’. They could get into the air making it ‘bouncy’ or ‘safe for children ages 2+’. The stuff that makes the ball would still be around, but the ball itself wouldn't. For an object to exist, it must be distinct from the things around it. Without boundaries separating ‘thing’ from ‘thing’, the whole universe would be just one big ‘thing’.
This is the basis of Occult practices. Being an occultist starts with the manipulation of boundaries, as the space within them is where magic is performed. That is why, when an occultist begins their studies, the first power they gain is usually simple telekinesis, as manipulating the position of a boundary is good practice. We tend to call those who never move past that stage ‘espers’ or ‘psychics’ or something of the same effect, and even though they are just scratching the surface of what the occult can do, they can get to be fairly powerful.
A basic, widespread (but not universally applicable) law of boundaries is that they have a natural resistance to being manipulated, which is in most cases tied to the surface area of the object. An interesting application of this is that there is functionally no difference in trying to telekinetically move a cardboard box and a solid steel cube of the same size. However, when it comes to destroying a boundary, the difficulty of doing so is all in the ‘complexity’ (this is hard to define, but it will make more sense later) of the object. Stronger occultists will be able to destroy or create more complex phenomena at larger scales.
Since the creation, destruction, and manipulation of boundaries is a fundamental skill for occultists, many different exercises have been devised to help expand a beginning practitioner's skill in doing so. One popular one is trying to destroy the boundaries of small objects, such as playing cards or snack foods, and quickly capturing all the escaped concepts by creating a spherical boundary around them. This can lead to some delightfully non-euclidean objects, especially when you destroy and re-capture the concepts of two different objects into one boundary, but it is a very dangerous way to practice. One could end up not capturing the concepts in time and end up turning themselves ‘easily tearable’ or ‘appetizing to ants’ without the knowledge of how to reverse that.
The analogy of a weightlifter in training may be the most appropriate since an occultist’s ability will grow like a muscle over time, only one that doesn’t plateau in strength. But like any muscle, they will get tired if they go on too long, which will greatly increase their chances of causing an accident.
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Reality and You
Reality is everything that is real. Every object, entity, or phenomenon that exists and is not fictional is a part of reality. If you can measure it, it's real. There aren’t very many other ways to describe this, but humans generally have a solid grasp of what is real and what is not due to being real themselves. However, not all parts of reality are equal.
All magic happens inside a boundary wherein reality is measurably degraded. There is a special, magical, and incredibly complex machine that can measure the ‘level’ of reality within a boundary. The baseline level, the level wherein everything that isn't the occult takes place, was set to be 10 on the Non-Reality Scale (the NRS for short), and anything below that is magic.
But why would one want to degrade reality? Hypothetically, when someone is pouring themselves a cup of water, they would prefer a fresh, clean glass, to one that hasn’t been washed in years. This is because they want to avoid contamination. Spellwork has the same idea, where to pour what they want into a boundary, the occultist first has to ‘wash’ everything they don’t want out.
That is not to say that less reality is always better. A reality that is too low level can mess with spellwork, or cause a dangerous accident if the boundary is flawed. This is because to complete the final step of the casting, one must reintegrate their degraded reality back to the baseline (that is, if they want anything more than an intangible illusion). The extent to which one would want to degrade reality fully depends on what they want to do with the boundary they are creating. For example, one did not want to use it for drinking, but it would be perfectly fine to use it to water a houseplant. And most people would not be bleaching out a clean cup before drinking from it, even if it has a bit of dust in it. In the same way, in most cases, an occultist does not need to purge absolutely everything from their boundary, and will instead want to selectively degrade reality to a certain level.
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Mana, the Soul, and Concepts
A Concept is the abstract idea of the matter within a boundary. For example, the boundary of the ball I described earlier contains the physical matter of the ball, but it also contains the Concept of the ball. The Concept can be imagined as an index of every piece of information about the ball, with each piece being called an Attribute. Attributes of the ball’s Concept could include its weight, size, bounciness, flammability, or any other property that one could measure from the ball. Being a Concept and being an Attribute are not mutually exclusive, and it is relative to what the caster is referring to at the moment. Technically, all Concepts are Attributes of the Universe, which contains everything, so it's best to think of each Concept as a part of a greater whole, which is in turn made of smaller parts. With this comes the idea that a concept cannot be created or destroyed (of course, there are those annoying exceptions), only constructed and deconstructed.
The basis of spellwork is simple. Create a boundary, degrade its reality, fill it with a bunch of Attributes to form the Concept of the phenomena you want to create, reintegrate reality, and presto, you have a spell. This process is fundamentally the same for most spellcraft, making a well-practiced occultist very versatile. However, it is the complexity within each of these steps that requires research to understand, skill to navigate, and training to pull off.
Every living thing has a boundary, and every living thing has a Concept. Except for living things, we tend to call the Concept a ‘soul’. There is no real difference, and there is a constant debate over what has a soul. Bacteria are generally deemed soulless, robots and magically animated constructs have been rhetorically argued to have souls, and there is debate around what stage of birth or death does the soul of a corpse become just a Concept. But it is generally agreed that living humans have a soul, and within the soul, there is an Attribute called mana. Mana is the fuel that is required to perform anything to do with the occult. Manipulating boundaries, degrading and reintegrating reality, and working with concepts all require mana.
Almost everyone starts with a very low amount of mana. Most humans only have enough to perform small miracles in moments of great stress, such as a parent being able to lift a car to save their child or a firefighter obtaining enhanced perception in a burning building. Mana, however, can be grown over time like a muscle. After continuous depletion of one's mana reserves, the maximum amount that can be ‘refilled’ during rest increases.
There is a widespread standard for measuring how much mana one has. It requires a half-inch diameter, clear glass marble enchanted with a Concept that causes it to output light in a manner directly proportional to the amount of mana poured into it. An occultist can push as much mana as they can into it and measure the irradiance of the light produced by the marble with a photometer to find their maximum output.
Besides mana, the soul also contains Attributes for one's familiarity with other Concepts. Concept familiarity determines how well an occultist can summon, read, or build a concept. Familiarity is gained in several different ways. For example, an occultist skilled in the art of pyromancy may be a grad student who’s spent many sleepless nights studying thermodynamics and exothermic reactions, a person from an icy village who spent a lot of time near the fireplace as a child, or a serial arsonist who thinks fire is incredibly beautiful. All of these people would be familiar with the Concept of fire. In other words, research, experience, and passion are all equally valid ways to gain familiarity with a concept.
There are three ways to get a concept into a boundary. The first way is to summon it, using one's will to draw in a concept and use it directly during spellwork. This is generally considered the best method for any occult performance for various reasons, as its only real downside is that it requires a very high level of familiarity with the Concept one is trying to summon. However, it requires no material components to pull off and does not produce any backlash (an important idea that will be explained later). This is why most mages choose to spend their life within one field of similar Concepts, increasing their familiarity with a small group of Concepts, trading some versatility to be able to pull off Concept summoning efficiently.
On a side note, there is the popular idea of the ‘four elements’ system of magic. While the idea of earth, air, fire, and water being base elements of the universe has no real truth to it, the fact that they are things one commonly interacts with and are fairly visual makes them perfect for summoning.
The next way to obtain a Concept is through reading. This method takes an object that has a desired Concept or Attributes, destroys its boundary, and adds said Concept or Attributes into the spell. Reading allows an occultist to work with a Concept that they aren’t familiar with, although they should have some level of familiarity if they want to work with it safely. Unfortunately, reading requires you to destroy a material component and leads to backlash. The result is that spellwork done with Concept reading needs more preparation than summoning, and may require rare or expensive materials. The amount of material destroyed, however, does not matter when trying to read a Concept, so long as it is enough that the occultist can reasonably focus on it. For example, if one was trying to read the Concept of gold, the casting will be the same with a few specks of the stuff as with an entire bar.
The final method, Concept building, is the least. Building requires a mage to take several different Concepts and use them as Attributes to construct an entirely new Concept. For example, the Concept of ‘the superpower of human flight’, which doesn’t exist naturally, could be built using the Concepts of ‘weightlessness’ and ‘propulsion’ and ‘human will’. Building has all the drawbacks of reading compounded, so it is very rarely used and requires great skill. But the power to make fiction reality, even more so than any other type of magic, is incredibly appealing, and many occultists spend their entire life trying to bring a permanent concept into the world.
Concepts are not completely objective. For example, a modern person likely associates the color black with things like death, darkness, or despair. In ancient Egypt, however, the color had a more positive connotation, being associated with fertility and festival, since black soil, not white, is where one could grow the crops. Concepts work similarly, and different ones can have different meanings to different people from different cultures and backgrounds. It is completely unknown how modern magic continues to work with so many different ways of looking at the same Concept.
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And Now for the Bad: Backlash
Once again, imagine a ball sitting on a table. Remember how I said destroying its boundary could lead to the table and air around it lead to the table and air around it obtaining some of its properties, or as we now know to call them, Attributes? This is also how I described some of the side effects of improperly doing the ill-advised boundary exercise from the boundary section.
Both of those are simplified examples of backlash.
When an occultist performs a Concept reading, they are picking out the Attributes they want and exposing the rest to outside reality. If left uncontained, the rest of the Attributes will diffuse into other nearby boundaries, giving the caster’s surroundings (and likely the caster themself) properties that they likely do not want. This is a backlash. Worse, as the free Attributes look for a new boundary, they randomly and chaotically deconstruct themselves into simpler Attributes (for example, the attribute ‘fire’ may deconstruct into ‘heat’ and ‘light’), multiplying the number of Concepts diffusing over time, increasing the scale and chaos of the event.
The resistance of an object's boundary to being destroyed scales somewhat on the complexity of the Concept it contains, and therefore, more complex objects that would cause bigger backlashes are naturally harder (as in they require more mana) to destroy. This acts as a sort of natural safeguard for the occult, stopping just any aspiring wizard from accidentally rending cities uninhabitable or wiping large swaths of land off the map.
Be they geometric shapes or runes in an unknown language, the main purpose of a magic circle (or any shape for that matter) is to contain and safely dispose of backlash. Over time, occultists have found ways to take common aspects and successfully break them down into their most harmless components, allowing them to be dissipated safely, and history has provided a good base for the backlash of just about any spell to be properly contained, with a bit of research. A very skilled occultist will be able to properly command backlash to harness it and enhance their spells, controlling the decay of Concepts to find simpler Attributes needed for the main spell or to set off smaller secondary spells to support the original.
Another way of dissipating backlash is with somatic action, or using one’s body in the same fashion as a magic circle. The danger of this should be clear, but it allows the caster to dissipate backlash without having to prepare a magic circle.
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Reintegration and Types
The last part of any occult spellwork is normally the easiest. You just have to stop trying. For sorceries and rituals, firing off a spell is just like firing a bow. If creating a spell boundary is notching the arrow, and gathering Concepts is pulling back and aiming, then the final casting is simply letting the arrow fly as it will. There is some skill involved with the speed and grace of an occultist's mental disengagement, but for the most part, reality itself will do most of the job as it brings one's Concepts back to a level 10 NRS and makes the phenomenon ‘real’. This means that after one creates their fireball, all they have to do is bring it into existence and define its parameters, and throwing it costs no extra mana on your part. That also means that a fireball, once thrown, cannot be altered or taken back unless one creates a completely new boundary to counter it.
I mentioned sorceries and rituals. Those are two of the three ‘types’ (not to be confused with ‘schools’) of the occult.
The first is sorcery, the stereotypical form of magic. Sorceries use summoned Concepts and don't require materials or magic circles or somatic actions. If you see a wizard concentrate for a moment, and something weird happens afterward, you saw a sorcery.
Next are rituals. Magic circles, material components, somatic gestures, and multiple casters are all hallmarks of this type, and it includes anything that creates a new boundary but isn't sorcery.
Lastly, there is enchantment. Enchantment either creates an instant phenomenon on another material, or a permanent artifact meant to be used repeatedly. The idea is, that the spellwork one does is not within a completely new boundary, but is done by adding or removing Concepts from a pre-existing boundary. For example, an occultist could permanently add an ‘unbearably cold’ concept to the blade of a sword, or instantly change the enemy's skeletal system to be ‘highly combustible when submerged in blood’.
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Schools and Applications
There are quite a few ‘schools’ of the occult, general categories occultists put spellwork into. Schools can include things like ‘divination’, ‘necromancy’, or ‘war artifice’.
An example of a specific school of magic is called ‘name sympathy’. Almost all human souls have a ‘name’ Attribute, as it is standard practice to name your children in modern times. One’s name generally is one of their most prominent Attributes, so it is not a difficult task to target a person by using just their name. This is where the school of name sympathy shines, using traces of one’s person to find out their name and affect their soul directly. Sometimes this is used for good and is especially effective when used in conjunction with the ‘healing’ school of magic. Most times, though, it's used for magical murder.
Immortality is not a school of magic per se, since it is just one Concept, but that concept is so hard to build that it takes as much research and effort as any real school. The thing about immortality is that it is very hard to balance. The human body is made up of millions of small parts, all of them living and reproducing and dying constantly. Sure, one could just enchant themselves with the Concept of ‘life’ and apply their mana, but that would immediately give them cancer in every organ. And since there are no real immortal creatures to read the Concept from, in practice, an occultist seeking immortality has to build the Concept from the ground up, and doing so has taken so long and has been failed by so many that most believe that it's completely impossible.
An occultist may completely copy a concept into another boundary. That is called conjuration, one of the other greatly researched struggles of the occult. In most spells, the physical material attached to the Concept within the boundary is left out. When an occultist tries to completely recreate an object with mass or energy, (for example, if you were trying to use gold to make more gold), they are trying to add more matter to the universe than there originally was. And they will accomplish this, thoroughly breaking the law of conservation of mass. However, reality hates when its laws are broken, and it will attack the conjured object, destroying it completely within moments. The whole problem with conjuration is trying to make it work long enough to be applicable for anything more than its primary use for split seconds of attack or defense in the middle of battle, especially given how mana intensive it is. A promising line of study has involved trying to create an equal amount of ‘dark matter’ at the same time as the actual conjuration, balancing out reality.
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All About Artifice
Artificing is another application of the occult, but it is an expansive field that warrants a section of its own. It is generally defined as using enchantment to permanently imbue an item with a Concept.
Artifacts are the most accessible way to use magic. Unlike sorceries and rituals, which require magical knowledge and practice to use, the only real requirement for activating an artifact is to push mana into it yourself. And since everyone with a soul has at least a small amount of mana, anyone can pick up an artifact and use it with minimal training. A good example of this was the ancient Greek phalanx, which was not only the name of the military formation, but also what they called the combined magical gear used by the people in it, comprised of animated spears that automatically targeted vital points, shields that inflicted magical fear, and helmets that stopped arrows in their tracks.
Potions are another example of artifice, though technically they belong to its subschool, alchemy. A potion is any ingestible, magical liquid that gives a beneficial effect to the drinker when they apply mana to the unmetabolized quantity of it within their bloodstream. Solids versions of this concept are called boluses, and gasses are generally deemed too hard to work with. Potions can only be activated by the drinker, meaning there are not many ways to create alchemical poison without convincing one's victim to course mana through their own bloodstream.

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Just got back from 10 days in Japan and wanted to type up a trip report to hopefully help others that are trying to plan a trip!
Our trip was 5/16 - 5/28 including travel days. This was my 2nd time in Japan (first time was study abroad for 5 weeks in May/June 2016), but it was my mom & sister's first time, so the goal was to include as many must-see activities as we possibly could in the short time we were there. Our days were packed to the brim however all 3 of us are fairly active and healthy so despite being absolutely exhausted by the end of each day, in retrospect we wouldn't have changed a thing in our itinerary.
That being said, our itinerary would be much too busy for the average person's first trip to Japan so keep that in mind if you use this information to plan your own trip. For example, we usually only had time to sit down and eat for one meal per day and had to eat on the go for the other meals in order to have enough time to go to all the places we wanted to go to. There was very little downtime in our trip.

Tourist Tips

• Luggage
  • We each traveled with 2 checked luggage since they were included in our flight. I had one full sized suitcase and one slightly smaller suitcase which both only had one side filled when I left the US. The plan was to fill the other half of the suitcases with souvenirs to bring home. Last time I went to Japan, it cost me ~$200 to ship two large boxes of souvenirs back home, so despite having to bring a lot of luggage this saved me a significant amount of money and I will be doing this for future trips as well.
  • Within our luggage we also packed a duffel bag to hold all our purchases on heavy shopping days and a daily backpack to hold things like our trash bag, hand towel, hand sanitizewet wipes, body wipes, small purchases, etc. My carry-on was a 40L backpack that I took with us when we stayed overnight in Kyoto.
• Money
  • I brought $400 cash to exchange at the airport. I had gotten a Charles Schwab debit card before leaving which has no foreign transaction/ATM fees so I planned to use my card for whatever purchases I could then use cash for everything else. I ended up withdrawing another ¥20000 which was just enough cash to last me the rest of our trip.
• Walking
  • Last time I went to Japan I survived wearing flat gladiator sandals basically the whole trip, but this did NOT work this time around for whatever reason (I guess we walked a lot more this time?). BRING COMFORTABLE SHOES TO WALK IN. I ended up having to buy sneakers on day 2 because I stupidly didn't think I would need them. I was more concerned about looking cute for pictures (ha) but I quickly realized that all the girls in Japan wear sneakers with their cute skirts and dresses, so I blended right in. I would also recommend bringing a second pair of shoes with you each day (in your backpack) to swap into if the shoes you are wearing start giving you blisters.
• Masking
  • We saw a lot of people not wearing masks, but the majority of people still wear masks. I would say the ratio of people wearing masks to not wearing masks was about 80:20.
• Trash
  • As many have mentioned on this subreddit, due to the lack of public trash bins I would highly recommend bringing a reusable trash bag to store your trash while you're out and about until you can find a bin. We found these cool black fabric ones with a waterproof liner on the inside that you could rinse out when it got dirty and could clip to the outside of your backpack so it wasn’t with your other belongings.
• Restrooms
  • Due to the lack of hand dryers/paper towels in bathrooms we also brought hand towels as recommended, but found ourselves just air drying our hands way more often than using the hand towels as it was often more cumbersome to remove our backpacks and fish out our hand towels to use.

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Accommodations

• Sakura Hotel Jimbocho in Tokyo
  • I stayed in this hostel when I studied abroad in college in 2016, so it holds a special place in my heart. You can get a single room here for cheap, and although the rooms are extremely small, I don’t travel to Japan to spend time in my hotel so when looking for accommodations price is my #1 factor, not comfort. Toilets and showers are shared in this hostel and the rooms are set up coming off of a square hallway with sinks/restroom facilities in the center. The facilities don’t appear to be very modern and pretty, but the water pressure of the showers is the BEST. They have other room types as well, like bunk-beds, double rooms, etc. They have a 24 hour cafe downstairs and breakfast is included in your stay. All their staff speak English & Japanese (and other languages as well). They host some cool events like language exchanges and walking/jogging groups if you are more of a social person. I really enjoy the location of this hostel. You are within walking distance from the Imperial Palace and it still feels like you are in the city without it being so loud and busy like if you were to stay in Shibuya, etc. They do have other locations if you’re looking for somewhere with more nightlife.
• The Millennials Hostel in Kyoto
  • This is a really modern looking hostel in Kyoto, 2 streets over from Pontocho. The facilities are gorgeous and look brand new. They are set up similar to a capsule style hotel with a bunch of rooms coming off a hallway. Your bed takes up your entire space, and you have about 18 inches at the foot of your bed to stand. You pull an opaque privacy screen down to make your room private - there is no door. You can control your bed’s incline and lights through an iPhone in your room. There is storage space under your bed and on a shelf above your bed. Restrooms are shared but the showers are in one room and toilets in another. There are a lot of shared common spaces including a full stocked kitchen you can cook your meals in, but we literally only stayed here to sleep so we didn’t explore those spaces. I was worried about other guests being noisy but that wasn’t the case - everyone was super respectful. The price and location was great so I would definitely come back here.

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Daily Itinerary

Day 1 & 2: Travel

• We flew out of Chicago O'Hare International Airport. Our direct flight to Narita was around $1600 after taxes, fees, and flight insurance. I had one layover the last time I flew to Japan and in the future I will only be buying a direct flight as I found this to be way easier than having a layover.
• Once we arrived in Narita we turned on our e-sim. We chose Ubigi after reading many positive reviews on this subreddit and I highly recommend them. We had some issues getting iMessage to work despite following Ubigi's instructions to a T, so we ended up just using WhatsApp to message during the trip, however, iMessage did start working later on.
• We decided against picking up our JR passes & seat reservations at the airport because the line was long and we didn't need them for another 5 days.
• Going through customs/immigration and grabbing our luggage only took about 20-30 minutes. There were many staff to guide you and we found the whole process to be really smooth.
• We exchanged our currency and went downstairs to buy our tickets for Narita Express at a ticket vending machine. We got round trip tickets for ¥3460 (keep in mind that the return ticket needs to be used within 14 days). We had purchased our Suica before leaving and put them in our iPhone wallets and they came with a balance of ¥2000 so we didn't load money onto our cards until the following day.
• We took the Narita Express to Tokyo Station then took a cab to our hostel in Jimbocho. We each traveled with 2 checked luggage, so we found the short and inexpensive taxi ride to be a better option than lugging 6 giant suitcases on local trains to get to our hostel.
• We checked into our hostel. The total price per person for 11 nights was ¥49500 (about $380).

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Day 3: Imperial Palace/Ueno

• We woke up and walked to the Imperial Palace/East Gardens. We got there right when they opened and spent about 90 minutes there. We walked back to Jimbocho to go to my favorite tempura place in Jimbocho. This place has gotten quite famous since I was last there in 2016. We were first in line at 10:45am and by the time they opened for lunch at 11:30, there was a line of 20+ people. Our lunch cost only ¥800.
• After lunch we took the train to Ueno and spent some time in the Tokyo National Museum and Ueno Park. We also visited Shinobazu No Ike Bentendo Temple which is a cool temple right inside Ueno Park. While at Ueno Station, we picked up our JR passes & seat reservation tickets and also put ¥5000 on our Suica. We really enjoyed the fact that you could charge your mobile suica at a convenience store using cash - we didn’t have to worry about finding the machines in train stations with the phone holders.
• After that we walked through Ameyoko and did some shopping - I bought a super cute used Coach purse for around $65. Ameyoko seemed to have a lot more products than when I was there in 2016… but I also had more money this time around so maybe I was just paying more attention!
• We took a train back to our hostel to drop off our shopping bags and change. We took a train to Shinjuku to go to New York Grill for our dinner reservation. New York Grill is on the 52nd floor of the Park Hyatt hotel in Shinjuku and the views were incredible. We got the Spring Harvest 5-course dinner which included wagyu and it was easily the best beef I have ever eaten in my life - so juicy and buttery. The cost was ¥23100 per person (~$175).
• 25,138 steps on this day.

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Day 4: Shibuya/Akihabara

• We woke up and took a train to Shibuya to see Hachiko, go to the Starbucks near Shibuya Crossing, and shop at Shibuya109 and Uniqlo. It was hard for me to find any clothing that would fit me at the stores in Shibuya109 (I am a US 8/10 which is basically considered plus size in Japan) however I was able to find a cute t-shirt at Punyu's in Shibuya109 and two dresses at Uniqlo. I also bought sneakers at the Skechers store.
• I also went to the Mega Don Quijote in Shibuya and spent about $102 on candy and snacks to bring home. Lots of fun KitKat flavors here but it was very crowded and hard to walk around with my extremely full baskets.
• We took a train back to our hostel to drop off our shopping bags and had a quick lunch via conbini.
• We took a train to Akihabara and bought some souvenirs and gachapon, and walked all the way back to Ameyoko where I spent another $90 on candy and snacks to bring home.
• We took a train back to our hostel to drop off our shopping bags and change. We took a train to Ginza to go to Tempura Kondo for dinner (a Michelin starred tempura restaurant). We got the Yomogi dinner which was ¥23100 per person (¥25410 after fees, ~$195). The staff were amazing - they noticed that my sister was left-handed and set up her plates/silverware as such which was really observant. We loved the dinner, however there was WAY too much food for us; the staff recognized we were starting to get full, and asked us if we would be able to eat the next course which was ten-don. I was really concerned about being disrespectful and wasting food, so I was really glad that they noticed and asked!
• 19,445 steps on this day.

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Day 5: Asakusa/Ginza/Omoide Yokocho

• We woke up and took a train to Asakusa to see Sanja Matsuri. We shopped at the small souvenir shops on Nakamise-dori and had street food at the festival for lunch. I bought an awesome goshuincho here with a wooden cover and foxes on it.
• After being completely overstimulated, we took a train to Rikugi-en Garden to escape the crowds. This garden is a little off the beaten path, just outside the big city, but it is completely gorgeous and so worth the trip.
• After the garden, we took a train to Ginza to window shop and go to our reservation at Higashiya Ginza for wagashi & tea pairing. We had 5 wagashi paired with 5 teas that were amazing. It cost ¥4500 per person.
• After this, we walked to Mitsukoshi Ginza to explore the basement food floor and grab dinner. They start to discount the food as the stores near closing time, so going for a late dinner can save you a couple yen! After eating on their rooftop terrace which was beautiful, we walked to Patisserie Sadaharu Aoki Paris Marunouichi to grab dessert then headed back to our hostel to drop off our shopping bags.
• After we ate, we took a train to Shinjuku to walk down Omoide Yokocho. We had a drink on the third floor of Bar Albatross - highly recommend! The alleyway is a lot shorter than I imagined, and very crowded as you would expect. I probably wouldn’t go back here in the future but I am glad we visited!
• 25,002 steps on this day.

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Day 6: Harajuku

• We woke up and took a train to Harajuku to visit Meiji Shrine and got our first goshuin.
• After visiting the shrine, we walked back to Takeshita-dori to get lunch at Afuri Ramen. They’re known for their ramen with yuzu in their broth and this was one of our favorite meals during our trip. We got there about 20 minutes before they opened and were ~8th in line. By the time they opened, the line was stretching around the building!
• We walked down Takeshita-dori and shopped, then went to our reservation at Mipig Cafe (mini pig cafe). This place was so cute! You can make reservations for 30 minutes or 1 hour where you sit on the floor and miniature pigs will come and sit on your lap. You weren’t allowed to pick the pigs up and the staff were super kind and handled the pigs well. A 30 minute reservation was ¥1800 per person.
• After the pigs, we walked down Omotesando and took the train to Shinjuku to get dinner on the food floor at Isetan.
• After we ate on the rooftop terrace (beautiful once again), we headed back to our hostel to drop off our shopping bags. We took the train to Shibuya to go to our reservation at Shibuya Sky. We got the package where you get an admission ticket including a 50 minute reservation for the sofa seats and a choice of a mini bottle of champagne or 2 beers per person, which cost ¥5900 per person. The views were unreal and I recommend reserving the sofa seats so you can get amazing pictures. This was a highlight of our trip.
• 21,719 steps on this day.

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Day 7: Kawaguchiko

• This was our first travel day. We woke up early to take the highway bus from Busta Shinjuku to Kawaguchiko. The bus was ¥4400 per person. We were able to get some super clear pictures of Mt. Fuji while we were on the bus and right when we arrived at the station.
• We bought the daily unlimited bus pass for ¥1500 which ended up not being worth it for us because we spent so little time seeing things on the bus route. First, we went to the Panoramic Ropeway. We got there about 15 minutes before they opened and there was already a really long line. By this time, Mt. Fuji was already completely covered in clouds but the ropeway was really cool and we still got some awesome panoramic pictures. They have a shop at the top where you can get ice cream and sit on some swings and take pictures.
• After the ropeway we took the bus back to Kawaguchiko Station to get on the train to go to Chureito Pagoda. The gnats here were INSANE. We climbed up the ~400 or so steps to the top and got some cool pictures as well as our goshuin.
• We walked back to the station and took the train to Fuji-san Station and walked ~30 minutes to Kitaguchi Hongu Fuji Sengen Shrine. The wooded walk up to the shrine is absolutely gorgeous. We got goshuin here as well.
• After the shrine, we walked and took a train back to Kawaguchiko Station to eat a conbini dinner, do last minute shopping, and catch our bus back to Tokyo.
• 19,374 steps on this day.

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Day 8: Kanazawa

• We woke up early to catch our 6:16am shinkansen to Kanazawa. Once we arrived, we bought the daily unlimited bus pass and took the bus to Omicho Market where we bought some souvenirs and food.
• We walked from Omicho Market to visit Ozaki Shrine and Oyama Shrine and got goshuin at both places. My sister realized she lost her wallet at this point, but a kind soul had turned it in to the staff at Ozaki Shrine!
• We took the bus from Oyama Shrine to Kenroku-en Garden, where we walked around, took lots of pictures, and sat down for lunch at a local restaurant.
• After lunch, we took the bus to the Higashi Chaya district where we shopped and took pictures.
• After that, we took the bus back to Kanazawa Station to catch our 5:57pm shinkansen back to Tokyo.
• 20,192 steps on this day.

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Day 9: Kyoto Day 1

• We woke up early to pack our overnight bags and catch our 6:21am shinkansen to Kyoto, where we would be staying for one night. We decided to keep our reservation at our Tokyo hostel because 1) it was super cheap and 2) we would be able to leave all our suitcases and belongings in our rooms for when we returned to Tokyo.
• When we arrived in Kyoto, we headed straight to our hostel to have them hold our bags before we could check in later that day.
• After that, we took a local bus to the Arashiyama area. It was absolutely packed with school groups and tour buses. We walked up Saga-Toriimoto Preserved Street to Adashino Nenbutsu-ji Temple where it was much quieter. We got goshuin and visited the small and private bamboo grove behind the temple. We walked back down Saga-Toriimoto Preserved Street towards Togetsukyo Bridge where we stopped and sat down for lunch then continued shopping along the way. I got lots of uji-matcha here.
• We walked back to Arashiyama Station and took a train to Kiyomizu-dera where we got goshuin, then walked to a small rooftop bar overlooking the Hokan-ji temple and pagoda and got awesome pictures and had dinner.
• After eating, we walked back to our hostel and checked in, then slept for the night. Our 1 night stay cost ¥5000 per person.
• 21,545 steps on this day.

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Day 10: Kyoto/Nara Day 2

• We woke up super early to check out of our hostel and head to Fushimi Inari. Our hostel held our bags while we went sightseeing for the day. We arrived around 6:45am which was so worth it - it wasn’t crowded at all and we got lots of pictures of the shrine and torii gates without any people in them. We walked for about 30 minutes up the mountain then headed back to Inari Station to head to Nara.
• Once we arrived in Nara, we spent some time with the deer then visited Todai-ji and got goshuin.
• After that, we took a train back to Fushimi Inari to visit the souvenir shops which had not opened yet when we had gotten there earlier that day. We shopped and got goshuin, then headed to Sannenzaka/Ninenzaka to shop. We visited Ryozen Kannon to get pictures (they had closed by the time we got there) and walked down Ishibei-koji Lane and Hanamikoji Street.
• After that, we walked back to our hostel to pick up our bags. We took a taxi to Kyoto Station to catch our 7:36pm shinkansen back to Tokyo.
• 27,861 steps on this day.

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Day 11: Tattoo

• My mom and I went to a tattoo shop near Shibuya to get matching tattoos on our wrists, then my mom spent the rest of the day shopping in Shibuya with my sister while I got another large tattoo on my shoulder.
• After my tattoo was finished, we all met up in Ikebukuro to get gyudon for dinner.
• 9,879 steps on this day.

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Day 12: Yokohama/Kamakura

• We woke up and took a train to Yokohama where we walked the Minato Mirai 21 area and shopped and had lunch at World Porters.
• After lunch, we took a train to Kamakura. First, we visited Hase-dera and got goshuin. I got lots of pictures of the hydrangeas even though they weren’t in full bloom yet.
• After that we walked up the road to Daibutsu and got goshuin. We walked back to Hase Station and took a train to Kamakura Station and walked the pedestrian pathway in the center of the road to Tsurugaoka Hachiman-gu. We got our goshuin and were able to observe a small part of a traditional Japanese wedding that was happening at the shrine, which was really cool.
• After that, we walked back to Kamakura Station and took a train back to Tokyo.
• We spent the night packing. I ended up completely filling my suitcases with my souvenirs and had to put even more in my carry-on bag.
• 21,131 steps on this day.

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Day 13: Travel

• We woke up and headed back to Senso-ji to grab our goshuin, since it was too busy when Sanja Matsuri was happening the week before.
• We took a train back to our hostel and checked out around 11am, then made our way to Tokyo Station to take the Narita Express back to the airport.
• We arrived at the airport with plenty of time before our flight so we could get last-minute souvenirs. I found a couple flavors of KitKat and Hi-Chew here that I could not find in Donki/Ameyoko - but I could not find Beni-Imo KitKat which is the flavor that I was looking for! :(
• We flew back to O’Hare and drove home from there.

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Trip Cost

• Total trip cost: ~$5462.73
  • Total spent before I left Japan (flight, JR pass, highway bus ticket, tattoo deposit, pay-ahead reservations, suica, car rental): $2562.73
  • Total I spent in Japan (souvenirs, snacks, accommodations, transportation, meals, activities/admission, reservations, tattoo): ~$2900

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Cost Breakdown

Airfare

• Total (USD): $1600

Accommodations

• Total: ¥54500
  • ¥49500 (Tokyo hostel/11 nights) + ¥5000 (Kyoto hostel/1 night)

Transportation

• Total: ~¥64470
  • ¥33610 (JR pass) + ¥4400 (highway bus) + ¥3460 (N’EX) + ¥18000 (local trains/bus) + ¥5000 (taxis - approximate)

Meals

• Total: ~¥88510
  • ¥40000 (breakfast/lunch/dinner) + ¥48510 (meal reservations)

Souvenirs

• Total: ~¥150000
  • Goshuin, charms, matcha powder, candy, jewelry, clothing, purses, shrine offerings, postcards, etc.

Activities/Admission

• Total: ~¥9800
  • Pig Cafe, tea/wagashi tasting, shrines/temples, etc.

Tattoo

• Total (USD): $604.66

. Hello! ~ i am a 26 year old female from a southern state looking for a friend.
~To describe myself physically, I would say I'm 5'0, I have 5 facial piercings, I'm a medium size, I have short black/brown highlighted hair, I wear glasses and I love oversized sweaters. I would describe my fashion style as soft, alternative or goth.
As for hobbies:
~my biggest hobby is reading. I read one hundred books a year of all genres, I just finished my 40th! I also read manga but don't count that in my 100 books.
~I play video games, I own a pc and a switch. My favorite games being soulsborne, total warhammer, minecraft, starbound, undertale(not a part of the community), baldurs gate, and starcraft.
~On the weekends or when I have free time my favorite things to do are to go hiking, go try new restaurants (I love all types of food, I'm not picky but i am vegan), go to local coffee shops and bookstores. Then come home and curl up with a book.
~I am a mom. I don't mind talking about it.
~I'm currently a full time college student studying literature.
~I recently picked up painting and have been experimenting with acrylics.
~My favorite bands are bright eyes, foster the people, and purity ring! I love allll types of music.
~i have cats, and I love animals! Anyways, I hope to hear from you
A bit about you
*please be over 24+ *please have something in common *I am a mom, if that bothers you, please do not message me, it saves us both the trouble ♡
If not good luck on your journey!
Best, Sophie♡ (^ω)

I've been veg for over 20 years, and by all accounts, I'm a great cook. I've converted several people just because they ate my food for a while and learned that eating vegetarian can be very delicious. That being said, I had never gotten my hands on pure msg until a month ago, and now? Guys, my green beans are a treat. My pasta sauces. My lentil shepherds pie is out of this world. Have you ever added a pinch of msg to your spinach with oat cream and garlic? My scrambled tofu will blow you away. Mexican rice is all I wanna eat until the end of days. I'm in love with msg and I don't care who knows it.
There's more! Here are my favorite seasonings and spices and other flavourings, please add yours!

• tomato powder, just on anything, especially on sandwiches
• thyme, the best herb, by far
• black salt, also, just in general, good salt actually tastes better, confusingly. Fleur de sel makes a difference, it does!
• sweet soy sauce, my secret weapon
• vegan fish sauce
• sun dried tomatoes, what I used to add umami before I got that pound bag of msg
• dried mushrooms for the same reason
• dill
• horseradish. Hugely underrated imo. Add it to cabbage!

By Tony Mosher

 I got out of bed Tuesday morning with an overwhelming sense of dread. It was then that the alarms sounded. Those old school air raid sirens. Funny enough, I didn't even know that my town had those. Soon after I received an emergency alert on my phone. “Disaster alert warning. All residents are advised to stay in their houses. Keep clear of all windows. Minimize noise.” God that's weird. I'd never seen an alert like that before. I decided that I'd better call my boss. I probably shouldn't go into work with that alert and all. There's a problem though. No cell signal. I have to say, that's not normal. But why would it be? Air raid sirens, emergency alerts, and no phone. Perfect. Curiously, I make my way to my living room and peak out the blinds. I see a bright and sunny day. I guess it's not a weather alert. But then why did it say to stay away from windows? That's, like, tornado advice. Maybe the person in charge of these alerts messed up or something. But it it was a mess up, why is the cell reception out? I guess I could go to work; nothing seems especially dangerous outside. Oh but everyone else probably got the alert; what if I'm the only one who shows up? No, something might be going on anyway. I'll just call my boss when the reception comes back up. Besides, I hate that stupid job. All I do is answer phones all day. If I get fired it's not the end of the world. Mind made up I closed the blinds and got on my computer, thinking I'd check the local news. That aught to clear up the current state of things. Oh. No wifi. Alright, something is definitely up. This is getting really weird. Why would the wifi be out too? I don't have cable, but maybe I can find something on the free broadcast channels. I flipped on the tv and my blood ran cold. All I found on every channel that comes in was a visual counterpart to the emergency alert I'd gotten on my phone earlier. No answers for me I guess. What the heck do I do? No info, and no entertainment. I sat down on my couch. I guess I was there for a while, deep in thought. A while later I realized maybe I should check in with my neighbor. Ted lived next door, and not very far either. He probably didn't know any more than me, but damn, at least I wouldn't be alone in....whatever it was that was happening. I never made it over there. As I grabbed my jacket, keys, and phone (just out of habit of course), and approached my front door, a loud pounding rang out through the first floor of my house. Someone was at the door, and seemingly REALLY wanted in. I went to answer it, as one does, but stopped. Something felt very wrong about this. None of my neighbors would knock like that. Maybe one of them was freaked out about everything that was going on? No. This didn't feel right. “Let me in, hurry!” came a booming bass voice rang out. That definitely wasn't anyone I knew, and who else but my neighbors would be anywhere around here after the alert? Slowly I crept to the side window to peak out. When I saw who was there, my heart just about stopped. An elderly woman stood at my door. With that voice?! She turned to walk away my stomach turned and I nearly threw up. The way she moved was just not right. Not for someone of her age. Not for anyone ever. She moved in quick, limber strides, punctuated by jerking spastic motions that my eyes almost couldn't process. I know this sounds nuts, god help me, but I don't think she was human. And she was headed to my neighbor's house. She pounded on his door. I prayed he wouldn't answer. I wanted to help him, but what could I do? Of course he answered. Good old dependable Ted; he would never turn away someone in need of his help. That turned out to be his downfall. As he opened the door, she lunged in. I heard a horrible scream. I had an unobstructed view through his front windows, but I didn't want to see this. I let the curtain fall and backed away. Just then another pounding came from my door. This time it sounded like a little girl crying for help. I knew better. This one stayed for a while. At least I think it was the same one. A different voice came every few minutes. But I assume it was the same one. Some time later it left. I heard it walking away. These are not quiet things. I rushed through the house making sure all the lights were off, and all the doors and windows were locked. I grabbed what water and food I could, and shut myself in my hall closet. That was the best place I could think of to hide. No basement in my house, and upstairs was a bad option. If worst came to worst I'd either be trapped, or jumping from a second story window. At least on the ground floor I might be able to make a run for it. Not that I think I'd be successful. I hadn't seen one of these things try to run, but I have no reason to believe they aren't fast. I was in that closet for some time. I don't know exactly how long, but it was at least a couple days. I barely touched my food and water. I was terrified to make any noise. Every few minutes the pounding at the door came back. All sorts of different voices. Honestly I thought I was going to die in that closet. Eventually I knew they would break in. How could they not? They must know I'm here. Why else would they keep coming back? Coming back to the same empty house over and over again would be an awful waste of time. Although, I didn't really know anything about their intelligence. How stupid could they be though, if they were trapping up? They never did break in. I don't know if it was just dumb luck, or if maybe there are rules they have to follow. Either way, I didn't take the bait. Sometime later the sirens sounded again. Like I said I'm not really sure how long, but it was at least a couple of days. I got another notification on my phone. Look at that, I guess the cell reception was back. I barely had time to read the all clear alert before my phone died. I suppose days in a closet will do that, even if I hadn't used it. I disregarded the alert. No way was I coming out of that closet. I'd rather starve to death or die of thirst than to face whatever those things would do to me. I didn't trust the alerts. I may have stayed in that closet forever. The pounding started back up again, and I was glad that I had been skeptical. But then, I heard the sounds of my door being broken down. I really thought that was it. The alert was wrong, and they had finally decided to just force their way in to get me. Imagine my surprise when I found myself being pulled from my closet by personnel dressed in what looked to me like space suits. I found myself being directed out of my house and into a tent. There I was assaulted by a heavy spray of something cold and noxious. Some sort of decontamination shower. It burned my eyes and skin. Afterward I was given a pair of scrubs to wear and was sent off to the hospital for observation. It was at the hospital that I was given an explanation. After my intake a doctor came to talk to me. Apparently there had been an issue at the nearby power plant. The doctor said it was radiation. I had been exposed. I told the doctor that couldn't be, and recounted my experience. He dismissed me and told me that hallucinations were a common symptom of radiation sickness, but I was lucky to have only been minimally exposed. He said that my house must have lead in the walls, because most of the people in my town had gotten much sicker than me. Most of them had died, or were expected to soon. He then informed me that although I had been given a mostly full bill of health, I would need to stay for a few days just in case. I would also need to be monitored periodically throughout my life, as my chance of developing cancer was much higher than the average person. I also wouldn't be able to return home for a while. Disaster personnel would need to clear the area and make sure I wouldn't be at risk of further contamination. Radiation can stick around apparently? I'm not really too sure about all that. But the doctor said the Red Cross would be giving out vouchers to survivors for temporary accommodations and personal needs, once we were released. Everything I had been through in the last couple of days, the explanation laid out for me should have put me at ease. I should be feeling lucky right now. But I wasn't. There was one big problem. As far as I knew, my town did not, or had ever had a nuclear power plant anywhere near it. I would know. I'm a receptionist at the hydro-electric plant about an hour out of town. And as the doctor walked away, I caught a hint of the same spastic movement that the old woman thing had made at the beginning of all this. He was smoother though. Like they learned we could tell that they were different from us. Here's what I think: we're being invaded. I don't know by what, but they're getting better at blending in. If you get an emergency alert, don't go outside. Don't let anyone in. Just hide any pray. I think they might have to follow rules. I think if you don't let them in, they can't just come in. But that's just a guess. Good luck out there. 

. Hello! ~ i am a 26 year old female from a southern state looking for a friend.
~To describe myself physically, I would say I'm 5'0, I have 5 facial piercings, I'm a medium size, I have short black/brown highlighted hair, I wear glasses and I love oversized sweaters. I would describe my fashion style as soft, alternative or goth.
As for hobbies:
~my biggest hobby is reading. I read one hundred books a year of all genre, I also read manga but don't count that in my 100 books.
~I play video games, I own a pc and a switch. My favorite games being soulsborne, total warhammer, minecraft, starbound, undertale(not a part of the community), baldurs gate, and starcraft.
~On the weekends or when I have free time my favorite things to do are to go hiking, go try new restaurants (I love all types of food, I'm not picky but i am vegan), go to local coffee shops and bookstores. Then come home and curl up with a book.
~I am a mom. I don't mind talking about it.
~I'm currently a full time college student studying literature.
~I recently picked up painting and have been experimenting with acrylics.
~My favorite bands are bright eyes, foster the people, and purity ring! I love allll types of music.
~i have cats, and I love animals! Anyways, I hope to hear from you
If not good luck on your journey!
Best, Sophie♡ (^ω)

my scorpion (emperor) has not moved in almost a week, i assumed at first it was due to molting since he refused food but i keep reading that it shouldn’t be taking him so long, curiosity got the best of me and i poked him a little and he didn’t move but was flexible and weirdly squishy(i didn’t squish him hard dw) but i wanted to come on here for help, is he dead, is he okay, is he molting?

Everything went great! Jane setup a temporary nursery in our bedroom, which has a sliding door to the patio, so everyone could come in and see daughter and 5 day old baby for short periods. She's a petite little girl just like her mother was, and the other grandkids were enthralled with such a tiny little person. They asked if she would ever get big. I told them that she will only get big if she eats all her food and does everything her mommy tells her. Love them grandkids.
The big surprise was when my brother and his wife arrived, he went around to her car door and helped her out, then steadying herself on his arm, they WALKED to the patio and stood there for 5 or 10 minutes greeting people. She has had MS for years, the worst symptoms come and go but she has been in a wheelchair for over two years. Everyone, including me, where in shock and awe. We all spontaneously started clapping and cheering and I wasn't the only one wiping away tears. They had been working on this, specifically for this day. She is such a lovely and gracious woman and we're so happy for her and my brother. It was wonderful to see them enjoying life.
The L-19 flyover went exactly as planned at the end of our National Anthem. I called his cell phone when I started the Anthem so he could hear it and timed his pass exactly as the last note faded. He has blue tooth headsets so could hear his iphone. He then did several more passes with some steep pull-ups and sharp turns and everyone cheered and waved and yelled at them (his wife was with him). They landed at the little airport near us. My son and I left a car there for them this morning. He's retired Air Force so he wore his old Air Force BDUs, I wore my WWII flight suit I got years ago (I was never in the military), and Jane even dressed as a WWII nurse.
All in all, one of the best days ever. Patriotic music, wonderful family and friends, good food (a feasting day), and perfect weather. Over 30 souls attended and many stayed until nearly dark. Can't imagine a better day. I am truly blessed.
I've had a clean week, but it's a special occasion today so after wine all day I've allowed myself a Scotch, and now on my second. Need to tell you guys again how important you all are to me. Not sure I would even be in this great place in my life if it weren't for your comments and the therapy of journaling all my thoughts to you. Thank all of you from the bottom of my heart. Jane is sitting here with me now and says "ditto".

Hi all, Today is 5/29 and I feel amazing. The past month has been great in all honesty, because of WS’ overall honesty, being able to communicate (even though it’s hard for us), etc. Although it should’ve been done, we decided to remove Snapchat off of our phones. Snapchat was the app that he hurt me with & before it being deleted, he’d give me his password & screen record his chats & blocked list, send me all the people on his friends list (not much), etc. I know he didn’t hide anything, because the AP is blocked and has been since DDay. Today started off with a nice simple breakfast and how much he loves me. How he wants to continue this and he’s sorry. I was kind of shocked at first because it was out of the blue. This isn’t his first time saying sorry, but it felt like something I needed to hear. Afternoon was perfect as he bought me more food & we talked about our relationship & such then. It was hot (90 degrees) so we decided to get a smoothie & go home. Usually, when it gets hot I get irritated & I was. So he took it upon himself to ask me what I needed in this moment & basically how he could show up for me. Night was perfect aswell. Our favorite food place was closed early so I started to get irritated. We were both irritated but we talked it out. Today I realized for the past few weeks, he’s been trying his best to do things that make me feel safe. He told me he’s making it up to me & how we grow with each other everyday. He told me how I am a great woman and this decision he made was because of his headspace he was in at the time.
I do see this as a breakthrough in our relationship. We’ve been having amazing sex and talking out things more. He’s been taking care of me & even helping me with my college stress. I do see this as something I want long term, for the rest of my life. We are starting to go to Couples Counseling (or MC in these terms), and this starts June.

I clean about 25 units in Panama City Beach, FL, everything from high end super fancy to could use some renovations. I want to talk to you about cleaning fees, why you pay them and what we really expect you to do before you leave.
My fees are as follows- 1br- $125 2br- $175 3br- $225 4br+ by quote
So, let’s talk about where that money goes. We supply your starter items (trash bags, dish soap and sponge, laundry and dishwasher detergents, toilet paper, shower kits) which probably run about $5 per unit. I pay my helper $50 for 1/2br. My supplies per unit run about $5 as well. Laundry for a 1br is $10. My gas and business insurance maybe $5. Thats $70 for a 1br. I myself make $55 cleaning that unit. It’s takes the two of us 1.5 hrs to do a 1br if we aren’t rushing like crazy. That’s a pretty good salary, but I’m certainly not getting rich. And when you walk in my units I guarantee you are impressed with the cleanliness.
I know so many units aren’t being cleaned to my standards so it might not seem worth it to you, but I want you to understand why the cost is what it is. This really can only apply to units that are truly being cleaned.
Now, here’s what we really want you to do before you leave. Start the dishwasher at least an hour or two before check out time and throw away your open food items. It would be great if you took the trash out on your way out.. but that’s not the end of the world. Mostly the dishwasher please!! The rest is really no big deal. The owners may have a list, but it’s not like I’m complaining that you didn’t strip the beds.
The BIGGEST thing I would ask is of pet owners. Please please please don’t let your dogs on the furniture! Please! It takes forever to get the hair off of the sofa and we have to lint roll sheets and and blankets AFTER washing. I love dogs, I have two German Shepherds, so I know the struggle.. but we WILL hit you with excessive cleaning fees for that.
The main thing we ask is not to be assholes. Just don’t leave the place disgusting and we’ll do the rest! I take a lot of pride in my units and I want them to be beautiful for you. I want you to enjoy your time there and not worry about much at all.
Ok, so now.. what would you tell me if you could.. which you can! How do you think cleaners could do better and make the fee worth it?
Next post.. I’m going to tell you all the shocking things most cleaners ARE NOT doing.. stick around. 😭 And if you want a great place to stay at a beautiful beach, let me know, I’ll hook you up with some of the best owners on AirBnB.

It’s kind of scary to even admit this, but I’m hoping that if any community on Reddit can empathize both with where I am and where I want to be, it might be this one.
I adopted a kitten in summer 2021. I was living alone, deeply struggling with depression and dissociation, and having a lovely living creature in the house with me has helped a lot. Her mom was a feral cat who wandered into someone’s backyard, and she needed a safe home. She’s my baby, and I tell her that probably ten to twenty times a day. I tell her I love her, and we slow blink at each other a lot when we’re both chilling. She gets the fanciest dry food, good vet care, spends a couple of hours a day on my lap on average, sleeps with me at night, all winter she has a heating pad going on her chair. We have meowing conversations with each other. I say all this somewhat defensively, to give some evidence to support the idea that I love her and care for her well most of the time.
But what do I actually do about the times when I resent her, get frustrated with living with her, or even wish I hadn’t adopted her? A lot of my healing at this point has to do with re-associating to the negative emotions of fear, anger, jealousy and resentment that I have been pushing away for most of my life in pursuit of being “good”. I am trying to stop telling myself that I can’t have those feelings or that I’m bad for having them, but I don’t know what to do with them when I actually accept them and let myself feel them.
For example, she is having some diarrhea right now from trying out a new food, and she is not doing a great job of cleaning her own butt afterwards, unless you count wiping poop and anal gland secretions on my rugs and bedspread as doing a great job. It’s making the house smell a little like poop all over the place, and in between my washing machine being broken and my rugs being colorful and patterned enough to hide the stains so I can’t quite find them, it feels like everything is contaminated with poop and will never be clean enough again. Usually I can deal with the fact that there is litter scattered all over my floors and it’s unpleasant to walk around in bare feet despite mitigating this with a litter mat and a rug near her box to capture the scatter, but today it’s bringing up a lot of frustration and missing the days when I only had to deal with my own, decidedly less scatological mess.
I feel for her- it’s rough on anyone, human or animal, to have tummy problems, and it’s not like I can explain to her that she’ll feel better soon or if she stays sick I’ll take her to the vet, or ask her to wipe herself on some particular towel or cloth I can wash instead of a rug. I tried shutting her out of my room last night when I found two more big wipes of poop on my bedspread, and she does sleep in the living room sometimes, but then when she was at my door in the middle of the night I felt bad and let her in.
I’m struggling this weekend with some other emotional things- feeling lonely, and feeling really uncertain in my relationship with my therapist, the one person I see every week- but otherwise, I started ketamine therapy a month ago and it’s been really successful. I’ve been able to do more, care for myself, even start to think about the future in a way that was simply impossible a month ago. But I’m afraid of these feelings causing a backslide, which to some degree might be inevitable as a pendiculation of growth and then some contraction or difficulty as part of the healing process.
It also scares me because she’s kind of like a practice child to me, and I’m terrified that I would have these feelings about a potential future human child as well, which I really want someday in my life. If I can’t deal well with them, in thirty years, will my kid be posting on a futuristic cptsd forum about their mom feeling resentment towards them? Is that something I can prevent? Is that something everyone has to deal with in some sense, a cost of existence that every once in a while, the people responsible for caring for you will feel it to be a burden? Or is that something I need to overcome and not feel or express if I’m to be a (good? perfect? acceptable?) parent?
I would really appreciate responses from people who are fully responsible for another living creature’s life. Please be kind- I feel vulnerable in sharing these darkemore difficult feelings, and I really am trying to do the best by myself and by my baby.

Hi everyone, this is going to be long so I apologise. I am aware that this is a first world problem but it’s less about the actual trip and more about preserving my friendship with someone I consider one of my best friends.
I (21F) went to school with these 3 people, let’s call my close friend (S), her cousin (M) and his girlfriend (B). I recently got back in touch with M and B after we attended an event for S. We hung out a couple times and decided to plan a trip for the summer. Italy and France.
This is obviously very exciting and I felt very grateful to be able to plan such a fun trip with my friends but very early on I ran into an issue which is budget. We don’t live in the US and are all well off in our country but two of them S & M (the cousins) are ridiculously rich even by western country standards. I’m going to list my issues so it’s easier to read.

1. Airplane tickets. They wanted to go business class but I wanted economy so I could spend my money on shopping. They gave each other looks and I caught on so I told them to go business and I would happily sit in economy. It was a little awkward but in everyone’s best interest so they agreed and we moved on.
   
2. Hotels. M sent us an itinerary $350 per night per person. I wanted to be in safe hotels so I agreed. A few weeks later this has changed to $550 per night and this was not okay with me. I’m an anxious person and didn’t want to cause conflict so I call someone for advice and they told me to just suck it up and communicate and that if S is really a true friend they’d understand and want me to be comfortable. I call S and address my concerns and they are nice about it and told me nothing is finalised and of course we can change it. I was relieved. A few weeks later nothing has changed and it’s like the conversation never happened. Instead of getting the cheapest room at the fancy hotels they wanted balconies that no one is ever going to use. I tried to say do we really need a balcony and they just laughed it off.
   
3. Booking restaurants. We meet up to plan the small things. I have a friend who lives in France so I ask for recommendations. They send back a long message with restaurants and bars. We are going through this list and M starts making jokes about how they are inexpensive and probably suck. (€30 a dish) so yes not Michelin star but not unhygienic by any means. Only wanting to go to caviar lobster restaurants but I stay silent because I like food too and it’s fine.
   
4. Other activities. Boat day, rental car. Need the fanciest boat but I don’t say anything because boards are fun and it’s fine. Rental car for one day is €2800 ( I won’t be driving) so it doesn’t matter to me if it’s a vintage sports car or just a taxi. I say no because they called me and made jokes about how I’m sitting in the backseat alone because B has now cancelled due to work.
   
5. B has cancelled. I feel unheard and I don’t want to cheat them out of their luxury trip experience. I don’t want to keep nagging about things. It’s not fair to them or me. Not to mention things like the boat and car are now divided by 3 not 4. Without B I feel like the third wheel between two cousins who are best friends. They also speak a different regional language than me and often start communicating that way and I have to ask that they don’t do that multiple times a day. I feel left out and don’t want to not enjoy myself fully. I don’t know what to do but cancel at this point because our preferences are different.
   

I don’t think badly of S at all. They think that getting regular rooms instead of suites is a compromise. They think using Ubers rather than getting a car + chauffeur is a compromise. If I could afford that, of course I would go. I know that if I go on the trip, many more things like this will come up and at this point I just care about preserving my friendship with S.
If I do cancel, they will still go without me. So I wouldn’t be ruining it for anyone else. I just need advice on how to approach the situation and try to get S to see it from my side.
If you got this far, thank you for reading and I apologise for the formatting since I’m on my phone.

-I'm Addicted To You ~ ♡ Catching A Yandere Breaking Into Your House (F4M - Willing Listener) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQWREdyi0jc
-Yandere Wife Is Sorry About the Baby "I Didn't Mean to Break It" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xXCo6VXyoc
-[F4M] Yandere Wife Confronts You After a Tragic 'Accident' [Manipulation] [Infidelity] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxdhFVuBi-U
-[F4M] Wife Takes You Out on a Drive [Yandere][Stalking][Intimidation][Gaslighting] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFFAoAmkGNI
-[F4M] You Wake Up in Your Yandere's Car [Yandere][Kidnapping][College] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CXrf3VcXHk
-[F4M] Your Crush is Acting Weird...? [Yandere] [Possessive] [Body Horror] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeOVYL3fJhg
-ASMR Yandere Wife Confronts You After a Tragic 'Accident'[Manipulation][Infidelity][Sweet but Mean] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aH-3Luou1h4
-Yandere Fiancée Won’t Let You Call Off the Wedding F4A - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66VOk5SucXU
-Yandere Best Friend Confesses At A Sleepover [F4M] [Gradual Buildup][Stalker] [Friends To Lovers] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FtAorJZvkE
-[F4M] Obsessive Yandere kidnaps you [Drugged] [Force feeding] [Girlfriend Roleplay] [Restrained] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd7AdDT3_aw
-[F4M] Two Yanderes Fight For You [Asmr Girlfriend Roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEtPlAg_dlA
-[F4M] [FF4M]Yandere v Yandere Fighting Back For You [ASMR Girlfriend Roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfECxeBWj58
-[ASMR] Yandere Mistress Purchases You [F4A] [Dominant] [Mommy] [Flirty] [Possesive] [Wholesome] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM-5N9RyDXc
-Gentle Yandere Wife Relaxes you with Cuddles "You can't escape~" [ASMR Roleplay] [Misses You] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PXj-KhL3x54
-Dominant Mommy Yandere Mistress TAKES you Audio Roleplay F4A - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdEY304bJGs
-Yandere Bully Confesses Her Feelings For You [F4A] [Confession] [Obsessive] [ASMAudio RP] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_YFSuaDRuY
-[F4A] Sold To Your Yandere Childhood Friend Turned Mistress [ASMR Roleplay] [Sleep Aid] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86EaDKbSvWY
-Your Yandere Ex Girlfriend Kidnaps You [Part 1] 🔪💕 [yandere ex girlfriend roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZefCTB8zXA
-Your Yandere Ex Girlfriend Kidnaps You [Part 2] 🔪💕 [obsessed yandere ex roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mXOnXXLfXus
-Your Controlling Yandere Girlfriend Calls You Whilst You're At Work 💓 [yandere girlfriend roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PbFPGS9Zoc
-Your Yandere girlfriend isn’t happy that you talk to other girls… [F4A] [toxic] [crazy] [possessive] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xXMb9Ye9LM
-Your Yandere Fiancé Finds Out That You Have Been Faking Your Wounds 💔 [yandere girlfriend roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQtn2OJmNjU
-Yandere Ex Breaks Into Your House To Try And Steal Your Clothes💔 [yandere ex girlfriend roleplay] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rDab3CKVBM
-Yandere Chef Serves You Breakfast In Bed ♥ Dark F4A ASMR RP - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X32Te_bAA0k
-[F4M] Your Yandere Tomboy Friend Has Something to Show You [FDom] [Psycho] [Horror] Audio Roleplay - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT_ZBNhBnqs
-[F4M] Yandere Guardian Angel Goes Too Far [Playing God] [Sadistic] [Gentle FDom] Audio Roleplay - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI-DL_BdSQM
-Dominant Yandere Bully Forces You Into Her Dorm Room[F4M][Obsessive] [EnemiestoLovers]Audio Roleplay - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHXMCqNKP9s

Hi. I'm gonna be honest...I really don't like this subreddit. It's full of hate even though it claims to not be a space for hating Islam, but let's be real, that's exactly what it is. So you're probably wondering what I'm doing here then? Well I wanted to share my current experiences with Islam in an unfiltered way, and I'm hoping if anyone sees this, they won't start attacking me for God knows what reason. I have been looking at things from a space in between being Muslim and being exMuslim (and I have no idea what I am right now but we'll see) and I have noticed some things. I'm heavily considering leaving Islam, but probably not for the typical reasons. I actually love Islamic culture in terms of modest dress, being family oriented and praying 5 times a day...the problem is that the Quran is supposed to be perfect with no contradictions or errors, and recently I have discovered, thanks to wikiIslam, that is not in fact true. I want to talk to Islamic scholars about these things I have found but I know that my worries will most likely be pushed aside or explained using the excuse of "mistranslation" and that bothers me. It's not that I dislike islam: unlike what appears to be the vast majority of online exmuslims, I appreciate it so much for the good in it and I think a lot of Muslims are the sweetest people I know!! My dad us a very religious Muslim and I love him so much...but what I don't love is the idea that I could be living a lie. And I have been going through a turbulent part of my Islamic journey but this just made things click into place. There's so much that can't be explained, so much that has to be explained so thoroughly to be convincing that I just don't know what to do anymore. My father is of the belief apostates didn't get killed for just leaving the religion, but because they had military secrets at the time, but a lot of Muslims would call us liberal for that belief. And if they are right that apostates were killed just for leaving the religion, how is that fair? You are cutting a life short and sentencing them to hell essentially. And then I thought, what if apostates were killed because they knew things about prophet Muhammad that would damage the reputation of the religion? Why am I supposed to love this man I have never met more than anyone I know right now, lest I get sent to Hell even if I believe in Allah and admire the prophet? Why can't I have an objective view of anything he does? Why do I have to believe he was perfect for all ages when marrying a 6 year old during these times is not justified at all?? You're telling me that if I went to Jannah, I would be able to look down on all the burning people in Hell, and I would smile and taunt them? These people who have feelings and emotions and did their best to not hurt anyone? I am told "it's because they defied Allah. They deserve it, it's an eternal sin" but Allah is SOO MUCH BIGGER THAN US. Why couldn't He at least wipe those people out of existence? They're nothing compared to Him and still I'm supposed to be okay with the idea of Him wanting to burn them for eternity. I cannot wrap my head around it, no matter how much I try. Jannah if I'm honest, only sounds appealing for food, reuniting with family and avoiding Hell. Genuinely, I have never liked the idea of immortality but I have forced myself to because it feels like there's no other choice. A lot of stuff about Jannah disturbs, me frankly. Transparent, humongous people, who never experience sorrow or anything other than pure bliss. I see it as smiling zombies. Smiling zombies, walking down the freakishly perfect streets without being phased by the loud sounds of a man having his way with Hoor al Ayn. Or a wife, smiling down on her husband with another woman. It makes me exceedingly uncomfortable. If men are naturally polygamous like a lot of muslim men claim, why haven't most women been given the ability to be completely okay ot even happy with this? I will be told, "it's a test" but that sounds so unfair to me. There's so much more in my head that is just floating around but it would take pages to express. So I'm going to conclude with why I most likely won't be leaving islam..
I am only 15, so I live with my family. My whole immediate family, entire friend group, and a large chunk of my identity is muslim. If I were to leave my religion it would have terrible consequences for me. I would be a disappointment to my family and my friends would be confused as to who I am anymore. My life would fall apart. Also, as stupid as it may sound, I am still scared o Hell. The problem is no one knows what happens after death...but what if it really is judgement day? What if I spend eternity in a fire because of what I'm saying right now? The truth isn't defined by if you like it or not, unfortunately. And like I said before, I don't hate islam. I love a lot of the people and practices and beliefs...my main problem lies in the fact that the things I have been taught that kept me strong in my faith simply aren't true. There's not only 1 Quran, unchanged word for word. Hadiths contradict, quite a lot. There are so many sects of islam, and all of them call each other kafirs. When it comes to any other religion getting prayers answered. "It's probably the devil" but when it comes to muslims they have it right? Couldn't they say that about us? If you wear perfume as a woman, and recite ayatul kursi after each Salah, what happens? "There is no compulsion in religion" is apparently not true in all circumstances. A lot of scientific miracles are just verses taken out of context...what am I supposed to do with this? I give credit to islam for being a monotheistic religion but that doesn't simply get rid of everything else. I believe I'm God, but I don't know about this.
So with that, I thank you for reading my story and maybe I will update it later.

My mum (58F) and I (32F) live in different places in Asia and we have been living apart for more than 15 years. She is the traditional Chinese tiger mum and a fierce business woman, who has endured a lot of hardship during her life - growing up during the cultural revolution, getting cheated on by my dad after I was just born, single handedly raised me and supported her parents, and eventually built a really comfortable life for our family. I really respect her and feel very grateful for all she’s done and given us. However, she has a lot of toxic traits and its negatively affecting my mental health during all these years and I’d like to know how to handle a parent who just wants the best for you but is treating you with a lot of toxicity.
I have been working hard on succeeding in school and my career since a young age, but she consistently make me feel like I’m not good enough, compares me to her friends / relatives. She doesn’t know how to communicate with care, most of the time just lashes out through anger or mockery.
An example I want to draw attention is my intimate relationships. From 2014-2020, I was in a long distance relationship with my ex bf (39M) she never approved of him and refused to ever meet him because she thinks he’s not good enough and she was also very racist towards him, as he’s from a ‘poorer country”. In fact he was a hard working guy in Finance, is very genuine and has good strong family values. She threw fits at me for dating him and threatened to cut off our relationship too and challenged me to marry him and “see what happens”. Eventually Covid came, there was no plan for me and my ex to be in one place, and we ended the relationship on amicable terms. I believe she thinks I’m holding resentment towards her for her disapproval. Following this breakup, she’s been trying to push this family friend of ours to me and said to consider him. Even though he is a really good guy and we are good friends, I just don’t feel anything in a romantic sense towards him. When I tell her I don’t like him that way, she throws a fit and says I don’t listen to her and calls me “stupid”.
Recently I came to visit her for a short trip and we were out at lunch with her and her female friend (45F). It’s my second time meeting her friend and my mum decided to bring up my relationship issues for discussion. Once again, she brought up the family friend issue and hoping to get her friends input to persuade me, however her friend was very neutral. Mum calls me stupid again and brought up my ex, then challenges me and says “why don’t you reflect on your poor decision making with your ex, you wasted 5 years of your life, if you want, go MARRY him now, I give you permission”. Basically, this issue got me riled up and made me quite upset inside. I didn’t want to escalate the issue further and with the help of her friend, we moved to other topics.
TL;DR: my mum is super toxic towards me and during a recent visit, she brought up issues on my intimate relationships and is trying to dictate and control who I can date or otherwise she will throw a fit and hurt me emotionally. What should I do about her and her toxicity as it is really damaging towards my mental health? (I don’t think she has any idea what mental health is)

Greetings!
I work for a Richmond based company and will be in the area for the next 3 weeks during the week (as well as in the future). Company pays for my dinners so might as well make the best out of it and explore my options rather than eat Chipotle 4 times a week like I have in the past when down here.
I'll be down in Chester but am open to wherever in the area, I don't mind a drive. Budget's up to ~$35, I'm open to any kind of food, prefer the option to take it to go.
My favorites are sushi, any variation of American, Mexican (or any other Central American cuisines), pretty much any Asian cuisines, Spanish, etc. I'm a little picky with Italian since I'm from the NYC area.

Just context, you can skip this long ass read. Tl;dr, everything was okay, for several years of varying stress levels, until it VERY suddenly wasn't. If you can, at least just skim the important bits and advise me on how the fuck to cope with this.
Everything was okay around a month ago. Our situation hasn't been good, but we were handling it and excited for a growth opportunity like we've never had.
She has PTSD, but she's always managed herself well, aside from a brief period years back where some impending doom set in while confronting some of her trauma. She sought out therapy, and even just by the end of her first session she was improving a ton. It wasn't long before she was back to her normal self, but even better for it.
Problem is, we've been under tremendous stress for around two years.
Our rescue macaw passed away from a viral wasting disease, and he was the closest thing we'd had to a child. We had him for most of our ten years together.
We had our (rental) home sold out from under us in the middle of a rental crisis. Basically the only option we had left was to move in with her family 2,400 miles away, onto their ranch. She couldn't continue therapy when we moved.
They were contributors to her childhood traumas, but she was so sure they'd changed and were ready to be the people she needed them to be many years ago.
I was extremely skeptical that the people who hadn't extended a finger to us, let alone a hand, through several years of struggling through a lot of hard shit, suddenly wanted to give us a near-free ride. But I think her sheer optimism for it just made me feel like I was being an awful cynic, so I just shoved it down and bought into her fantasy. For her sake, as I thought at the time. Maybe she was right, after all.
She was wrong, and it went about as well as you'd expect. Honestly probably a lot worse. Her grandmother and father are manipulative, narcissistic assholes, whether or not they realize that's what they are. They bait and switched on us hard, whether they meant to or not.
The picture that was painted was that we'd live in the spare trailer on their property and pay our portion of the taxes and the insurance, and obviously just do our share of stuff like yard work. Maybe occasionally helping out with some cows and fences.
We spent most of our savings to get there, and after a four and a half day U-Haul trip, they started moving us in.. to her grandmother's house. In a tiny spare room. For two (at the time) 26 year old adults, a dog, a cat, and a snake. We had to get a storage unit for the vast majority of our stuff, since we'd had nearly ten years of building a life together in the back of that truck.
That spare trailer stayed empty for the whole year and a half of us being there, by the way.
All the responsibilities were then handed off to us. We were expected to cook the meals for everyone, clean the house, do all the ranch work, fix anything that broke, etc.. Her father and grandmother just sat in bed, collected their retirement/inheritance/disability, and popped their pills.
Then on top of it, we were also expected to pay "half" of the bills, so we had to find employment on top of all the other full-time responsibilities.
We weren't allowed to see the bills, they would just tell us what we owed, but I'll tell you right now that I'd never in twelve years of being out on my own now, in comparably sized homes, paid $800 for a month of electricity. But allegedly the "half" we were expected to pay was $400.
My grandfather passed away, and I soft inherited my grandparents' property. My grandfather and I never had a good relationship, so it was a huge surprise. But with what little we'd managed to save up in that time, it got us off her family's ranch, and it also got us out of the vicious poverty inducing rent cycle, so it seemed like we'd finally gotten a massive break.
Then the housing problems set in.
I've replaced about half of the plumbing myself, because new stuff just kept breaking down all the time.
I wasn't confident doing a new gas water heater myself, so we had to get work to save up for a new one. Until that indeterminate future date, we had to boil water on the stove and shower with a pitcher out of a cooler. We took it in humor as best as we could.
Then our vehicles started breaking down, and became unreliable enough we couldn't leave the small town we're living in. Our savings at that point weren't nearly enough to get new vehicles, or even to get the level of work required done in a shop, and I didn't have the means to do that level of work.
She's been in healthcare (a very desperate field) for her whole working life, and is a fantastic worker, so she found work right away, four minutes from our house.
I sat on Google refreshing the job listing probably forty times per day, looking for anything even marginally close enough that the car could make it to, and I could plausibly continue to find a way to work even if it suddenly couldn't. I've done remote work before and would've been happy to go that route again.. except the best we get here is 7mbps internet, and I couldn't find a single fucking place that would accept that.
We're an equal home. Bills, large purchases that benefit both of us, food, housework, everything except stuff like the vehicle/house maintenance which she wasn't comfortable doing (though even that she was interested in learning). This was killing me to feel like I was leaching off of her, and I know it was really stressing her out being the only source of income.
Then set in the job problems. Put simply, she'd wound up in a very toxic work environment. To make matters worse, one of the people there is almost like a 40 year younger version of her grandmother, whom we'd just escaped.
My S.O. started to lose her identity there, just trying to mask and mirror her way through the social dynamics, which were more like a cliquey high school than a workplace. She felt her job depended on it. Gossip, cruelty, passive aggression, all completely out of character for her, but she felt like she didn't have a choice but to participate in it.
The manager also didn't want to do her own job, and given my S.O.'s glowing experience, resume, and letter of recommendation from her previous job, started putting the job of managing people on her..
But without the title, authority, or pay of a manager. So naturally, nobody gave a shit what she had to say. It still all fell down onto her anyway, and she was treated like shit every time her attempts to lead didn't go as they should've.
But she felt she couldn't leave, because the way she (understandably) saw it, our survival depended on it.
I did finally find work as lower management in a small casino in town, but she never lost that survival mode mindset, and had no interest in quitting despite all the stress it was putting on her.
How we landed here, per the title. This is where my heart breaks down completely. Mostly for her, but quite honestly, also for myself
About three weeks ago, she came home from work one day. She started her normal "today's bullshit at work" vent session, like we've always done for each other every day.. but this was different. First she seemed a bit disconnected, but it quickly devolved into extreme emotional reactions.
All of a sudden she starts talking about how everyone's behavior is changing around her. Suddenly the girls at work were chipper and kind. Everyone was doing their job correctly. She became convinced there was some kind of investigation for a hostile work environment or something happening, and that was causing the change.
It didn't seem totally out of the realm of possibility, especially because they'd just finished berating a transgender coworker out of there. And my S.O. has always been pretty sound of mind (albeit occasionally a little prone to unlikely fantasies of optimism, but I personally love that about her despite what it had just resulted in with her family). I agreed that it did sound like a possibility.
Pretty quick, she started getting squinty-eyed, told me my behavior has been changing too, and started asking me what I knew about the investigation. Caught me completely off guard, and I guess she saw that in my body language, but misread it as me trying to hide something.
She asked me what I was hiding, and at this point I was just massively confused how this went from a normal vent session about work, like we've had for ten years, to an interrogation.
Before I could answer, suddenly she jumps to angrily asking if I'm cheating on her, a look of almost intense hatred in her widened eyes.
Every question just confusing me more in terms of where she's getting any of this from. We have great communication, loyalty, honesty, trust, the whole package. I had no idea what was happening.
She ran to the bedroom and started packing to leave, and I was begging her to slow down and stop so I could catch up on what the fuck was happening. She told me I was in on the investigation but wouldn't tell her anything, and I was cheating on her with one of her coworkers (who has a loose link to my boss at the casino.. small town shit), and that's all she needed to know.
It finally clicked for me that this was some kind of stress breakdown, and I suggested as much. She finally slowed down and thought about it. Suddenly she's calling her sister, who lives in a completely different state a thousand plus miles away, surrounded by ocean. "Do you know anything about an investigation? Have any of the girls from my work contacted you?"
Her sister was also caught off guard, but honestly responded much better than I did, and I'll always feel like my uncoordinated response did damage here. Maybe because they share a lot of the same traumatic experiences, and the diagnosis, so she understood what was happening much more quickly? I'm not sure.
My S.O. backed down, had a good long cry while we cuddled, and it seemed like that was it. She understood that it was some kind of mental snap, and her grip on reality had basically fully returned. She said she didn't think she could go back to work there, and I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agreed after what I'd just witnessed. WHOLE. FUCKING. HEARTEDLY. Scared the shit out of me, but after hours of it, I was just glad it was over.
The next day, "I just wish someone would be honest with me. There is FACTUALLY an investigation happening, you all know something about it, and I know you're cheating on me. I need to just get away from everyone." Cue an hours long conversation trying to talk her down again, but this time on my own, because she'd decided her sister "wasn't in the loop enough to see what was going on anyway."
It went on like this for about three weeks. Off and on. All day. All night. Moment of clarity, back down the rabbit hole 30 minutes later. Moment of clarity, back down the rabbit hole.
She started making all these "seeing god in the stars" types of connections. Suddenly everyone on Facebook knew something she didn't now too, evidenced by how these posts they're sharing relate back to it. My family was also allegedly talking about her mental breakdown on Facebook, which meant that I'd told them everything about it and taken away her choice to control that information.
Neither of us were sleeping, eating, drinking, basically neglecting all forms of self care to sit there and hash, rehash, and rehash this out again. I'd guess I was averaging 5 hours of sleep per week, right alongside her, while still having to go to work and pretend everything was fine.
I tried to suggest returning to therapy god knows how many times, or even something in-patient since this was SO much worse than her last episode years back, but initially she was convinced this was me trying to manipulate her. Gaslight her. Convince her she's crazy.
I tried to get her to just think it through, like what evidence does she actually have for any of it beyond her gut feeling? The evidence doesn't exist because we're all smart enough to get rid of it and keep it from her. She just kept repeating that she trusts her body, and that's all she needed.
During one of her moments of clarity, she finally booked a therapy appointment.. but unfortunately not through her old therapist, who had been fantastic with her. She no longer lives here. Instead, she went through that BetterHelp app.
Her first appointment, she starts going into the stuff she needs to get working through, and in response she gets, "Holy smokes!" Yeah. That's it. Holy smokes. To be clear here, this is evidently not a platform for people in crisis, this is a platform for people whose dad yelled at them that one time and it makes them sad to think about, because these people are clearly not equipped for anything more serious than that. What kind of fucking psychology professional responds like that?
Anyway, the therapist also went on to say about the job situation, "I would've quit too." Now, this seems innocent enough when you're dealing with someone who's with it, but my S.O.'s currently fractured mind took that as validation for everything, not just the general toxicity of the work environment like the therapist was speaking to. Again, a psychology professional should've known better. And it was back on full force for a while.
A massive divergence happened a few days after this. I'm not even sure how or why. We had our usual rehashing session, and suddenly.. she just accepted it. She accepted that she's in perpetual fight or flight mode right now, and her mind is looking for any explanation to grasp at, any possible danger imaginable. She just had to trust us, the people who've loved and supported her all along and have no reason to betray her, and keep with the therapy.
For three or four days, she was totally with it. I mean, almost fully back to normal. All apologies for what she put us through, all forgiveness and "just happy to have you back" from us. Then on the final night, she sees that my step mother is Facebook friends with one of her coworkers. And we're back on.
Fast forward to the past few days, and she's become very despondent about the way she's feeling. She's fairly consistently aware that something is happening to her internally, rather than externally with everyone else, basically just seeking regular reassurances that we're being as honest as possible about everything. But her fight or flight just.. Will. Not. Disengage.
We had a conversation about trying another therapist, and she agreed, but she still didn't feel she needed in-patient care. She booked an in person session with one who specializes in behavioral health and trauma.
Then she starts experiencing distortions in her perception. Shadows when she closes her eyes. Rooms appearing smaller than they should. The voice track on TV shows not appearing to line up with actors' lip movements. Just little distortions, but they scared the absolute living shit out of her.
That fear led to some horrific dissociation, where it's like she's losing context on everything. She doesn't know what's happening and feels like nothing is real anymore. Nothing makes sense.
She was still stuck on there being an investigation, but it was evolving. It wasn't her old job being investigated anymore, it was her father for child abuse from when she was young. Then it was us for neglecting our pets (because we don't take our snake out very often and occasionally forget a regular nail trimming for the dog, but they're otherwise very well cared for). Then it was her father again, but for elder abuse, because her grandmother (who insists on managing her own medications) accidentally overdosed one day.
She became even more despondent, frequently breaking out into panic attacks and crying fits, which I just continued to try and help her through. Ice packs, reassurances that she was safe, there was no threat, etc. Truth be told, I was terrified too.
Finally, two days before her appointment, she had a massive panic attack about it being Memorial Day weekend. She couldn't explain why, just that it didn't make sense. She finally says she thinks she needs a hospital, which she's been completely opposed to until this point.
I rushed her to the emergency room, and that was a mess because it was the middle of the night so they couldn't find a bed anywhere in a more appropriate facility that late. They didn't really have any mental health resources themselves, so all they could do was give her some medications to calm her nerves and help her sleep through the night until they could find a bed.
The hospital.. was not good for her either. After a while, she just kept begging me to take her home. She just wanted to sleep together in our own bed, but they'd decided that between the bouts of confusion, paranoia, and admitting that she has had thoughts of suicide in the past, she was a danger to herself and couldn't leave.
They took her phone, leaving her in a blank room, and thanks to her work and the fact the most recent retraumatizing came from a healthcare environment, constantly triggered by the sounds of call lights and such in the emergency room outside.
All I could do was hold her, and keep reminding her that she's safe, and that everyone there just wants to help, but they're just limited in the ways they can until they find a bed somewhere. She just kept repeating that she wasn't actually getting any treatment, and to be fair she basically wasn't, but I just had to keep asking her to hold out a little longer, because they were trying to find her a facility that had the ability to.
They did finally, this morning, but it was about 130 miles away. They let me take her there myself though, which was a huge plus to know we'd get that last bit of time together.
On the way, however, she starts telling me how horrible of a person she is. At one point, she asks if I'm taking her to prison. I asked her what she could possibly go to prison for, and she just says incredibly minor things from the past like downloading a movie, (very rarely) doing this or that drug, etc.
I just kept reassuring her that I'm taking her to a crisis center where they'll be able to help her figure out where this is coming from, and that in no way is she in trouble legally. Everyone involved in this just wants to help her.
It's at this point I realize.. they took her phone. All these little connections she was making via Facebook and such, suddenly unavailable. She'd also decided once and for all that I wasn't the problem. So now all she had left was herself. She was being held at the hospital against her will. The "investigation" was no longer into her work, it was into her, because that's all that was left.
She tells me she's going to go away (to prison) for a long time, but to just know how much she loves me. She wishes we could've just had a simple life together, but she ruined that for us. She was just so sorry. I just kept reassuring her that nothing was ruined, and we can and will still work towards that life together, she just needs help that's beyond what I can provide so we can get back to that.
Then finally, after a long goodbye.. I dropped her off.
The facility is very small (literally a regular house in a regular neighborhood, so only a few patients getting a lot of 1x1 care), and very soft spoken and compassionate staff. Practically everything is optional right down to the daily therapy, which made me really happy to hear given it seems like that should ease her mind on the prison train of thought. She's even allowed to leave for good whenever she wants, with the one caveat being that I or a family member would need to pick her up.
It doesn't have visiting hours though, and I couldn't even go in with her.. that kills me. They don't have HIPAA forms, so just walking through the door is a violation. But she gets to keep her phone at all times with the exception of bedtime, just to make sure she gets some sleep. She told me a bit ago that she's nervous coming into this new environment, but everyone there has been nothing but incredibly welcoming and empathetic towards her.
Not to make this situation about me, because it's so far from it, but my heart is just so broken.
I've never felt anything so horrible. Not even remotely close. I feel like I, myself, need therapy after this.
I'm still so confused. Did I just miss the cracks of this coming on? Or was it really that sudden? I swear I would've noticed her behavior change.
I'm so angry with her toxic fucking coworkers, who it seems like ultimately sent her into this downward spiral. I'm so angry with her family for being.. well, who they are.
I'm so angry with myself for not trying harder to get her to leave that job sooner, just because I didn't want to press the issue since she's her own person and capable of making her own decisions. But I saw the stress it was putting on her. I should've done more.
I'm so scared of what comes next. Will she ever normalize out and heal? If so, when? Days? Weeks? Months? How is this experience going to change her? Admittedly, given we live in the US, how in the fuck are we going to afford this (though as long as she's getting the help she needs, that's far from my primary concern, but still something I have to figure out)?
It feels like my whole world came crashing down around me. She is my person. She's one of the biggest reasons I get out of bed in the morning. My favorite parts of the day are crawling into bed together and waking up to each other, like we've been doing for ten fucking years.
Her absence in our home is utterly suffocating, knowing the hell she's going through while there's practically nothing I can do for her except be there for her when she wants to text or talk on the phone.
I doubt anyone is going to read this whole book I've written here, but just being able to type it all out sequentially like this has been a bit cathartic. But I still just have no idea how to feel. What to do. I'm so lost.