Dallas animal service and adoption center

Pets of Dallas-Fort Worth

2014.01.28 03:57 Pets of Dallas-Fort Worth

Live in DFW? Lost a pet? Trying to find a home for a pet? Want to adopt a pet? Just want to talk about your pet? Subscribe here!
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2014.07.17 17:56 PacoTLM2 Disney's Hollywood Studios

Step into your favorite Disney films and be a part of the action in Walt Disney World's third theme park, including Galaxy's Edge, Toy Story Land, and the first-ever Mickey Mouse attraction - Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Railway!
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2014.01.08 20:28 For the Love and Preservation of Wild Horses and Burros

This is a place to raise awareness about wild horses and burros, support their preservation on public lands, and oppose their slaughter.
[link]


2023.05.30 06:34 Mariners_bot Post Game Chat 5/29 Yankees @ Mariners

Please use this thread to discuss anything related to today's game. You may post anything as long as it falls within stated posting guidelines. You may also post gifs and memes, as long as it is related to the game. Please keep the discussion civil.
Discord: Seattle Sports

Line Score - Game Over

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E LOB
NYY 0 1 2 1 4 1 0 0 1 10 18 0 9
SEA 0 1 0 1 2 0 0 0 0 4 7 1 7

Box Score

SEA AB R H RBI BB SO BA
SS Crawford, J 5 0 1 0 0 1 .253
1B France, T 5 0 1 0 0 0 .259
CF Rodríguez, Ju 4 1 2 3 0 1 .247
LF Kelenic 4 1 2 0 0 1 .283
3B Suárez, E 3 0 0 0 1 2 .216
C Raleigh 4 0 0 0 0 1 .232
RF Hernández, T 4 0 1 1 0 1 .233
DH Trammell 2 1 0 0 2 0 .143
2B Caballero 2 1 0 0 1 2 .254
SEA IP H R ER BB SO P-S ERA
Miller, B 4.2 11 8 8 0 3 86-58 3.00
Then 2.1 4 1 1 0 1 28-17 4.91
Flexen 2.0 3 1 1 2 2 38-24 6.21
NYY AB R H RBI BB SO BA
2B Torres 6 2 2 0 0 0 .265
RF Judge 4 3 3 3 1 0 .302
DH Calhoun, W 5 1 2 2 0 0 .250
1B LeMahieu 5 1 1 0 0 0 .250
CF Bader 2 1 2 0 0 0 .267
CF Allen, G 2 1 1 0 0 0 .286
LF Bauers 4 1 3 2 1 1 .220
SS Volpe 0 0 0 0 0 0 .198
LF Kiner-Falefa 5 0 2 2 0 2 .217
C Higashioka 5 0 2 1 0 1 .214
3B Cabrera, O 5 0 0 0 0 2 .195
NYY IP H R ER BB SO P-S ERA
Germán 6.1 7 4 4 3 4 83-55 3.98
Marinaccio 0.2 0 0 0 0 2 11-6 4.00
Abreu, A 2.0 0 0 0 1 3 29-20 3.58

Scoring Plays

Inning Event Score
T2 Jake Bauers doubles (2) on a line drive to right fielder Teoscar Hernandez. Harrison Bader scores. 0-1
B2 Teoscar Hernandez grounds out, shortstop Isiah Kiner-Falefa to first baseman DJ LeMahieu. Jarred Kelenic scores. Eugenio Suarez to 3rd. 1-1
T3 Aaron Judge homers (16) on a fly ball to left field. Gleyber Torres scores. 1-3
T4 Jake Bauers homers (3) on a fly ball to right field. 1-4
B4 Julio Rodriguez homers (10) on a line drive to left center field. 2-4
T5 Willie Calhoun doubles (6) on a ground ball to right fielder Teoscar Hernandez. Gleyber Torres scores. Aaron Judge scores. 2-6
T5 Isiah Kiner-Falefa doubles (4) on a ground ball to left fielder Jarred Kelenic. Willie Calhoun scores. Greg Allen scores. 2-8
B5 Julio Rodriguez singles on a ground ball to right fielder Aaron Judge. Taylor Trammell scores. Jose Caballero scores. 4-8
T6 Aaron Judge homers (17) on a fly ball to left center field. 4-9
T9 Kyle Higashioka singles on a line drive to left fielder Jarred Kelenic. DJ LeMahieu scores. Greg Allen to 3rd. Jake Bauers to 2nd. 4-10

Highlights

Description Length Video
Bullpen availability for Seattle, May 29 vs Yankees 0:07 Video
Bullpen availability for New York, May 29 vs Mariners 0:07 Video
Fielding alignment for Seattle, May 29 vs Yankees 0:11 Video
Fielding alignment for New York, May 29 vs Mariners 0:11 Video
Starting lineups for Yankees at Mariners - May 29, 2023 0:09 Video
A deep dive into Aaron Judge's home run 0:09 Video
Jake Bauers: Home Run Statcast Analysis 0:15 Video
Visualizing Jake Bauers's swing using bat tracking technology 0:09 Video
The distance behind Aaron Judge's home run 0:10 Video
Breaking down Bryce Miller's pitches 0:08 Video
The distance behind Julio Rodríguez's home run 0:09 Video
The distance behind Aaron Judge's home run 0:22 Video
An animated look at Aaron Judge's home run 0:09 Video
Breaking down Domingo Germán's pitches 0:08 Video
Domingo Germán's outing against the Mariners 0:23 Video
Jake Bauers lines an RBI double to right field 0:15 Video
Bryce Miller strikes out Kiner-Falefa looking in 2nd 0:06 Video
Teoscar Hernández grounds out to plate Kelenic in 2nd 0:14 Video
Aaron Judge drills a two-run home run to left field 0:29 Video
Jarred Kelenic steals second base after review 0:29 Video
Jake Bauers lifts a solo home run to right field 0:24 Video
Julio Rodríguez smacks a solo home run to left field 0:28 Video
Willie Calhoun grounds a two-run double to right 0:20 Video
Harrison Bader exits with hamstring tightness in 3rd 0:26 Video
Isiah Kiner-Falefa slaps a two-run double to left 0:24 Video
Julio Rodríguez laces a two-run single to right field 0:24 Video
Aaron Judge belts his second home run of the game 0:29 Video
Aaron Judge belts a 116.9 mph homer to left field 1:13 Video
Jarred Kelenic stays in the game after hitting wall 0:29 Video
Domingo Germán strikes out Crawford swinging in 3rd 0:06 Video
Aaron Judge robs a home run from Teoscar Hernández 0:25 Video
Kyle Higashioka bloops an RBI single to left field 0:16 Video
Albert Abreu In play, out(s) to Ty France 0:15 Video
J.P. Crawford throws out Gleyber Torres after review 0:30 Video

Decisions

Winning Pitcher Losing Pitcher Save
Germán (3-3, 3.98 ERA) Miller, B (3-2, 3.00 ERA)
Attendance Weather Wind
68°F, Clear 4 mph, In From LF
HP 1B 2B 3B
Ben May Brian Walsh CB Bucknor Chris Segal
Game ended at 9:34 PM.
submitted by Mariners_bot to Mariners [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:30 farmer_giles91 12 Days Honeymoon in Tokyo & Kawaguchiko with tips and observations

I just had my honeymoon (originally scheduled for Jun 2020). My wife and I are in our early thirties. It’s my wife’s first time in japan while it’s my fourth. I’ve benefitted immensely from stalking Tokyo travel reddit and would like to return the favour. I’ll provide some of my tips and observations to the end (skip to the end if the itinerary doesn’t interest you), some of which I think haven’t been mentioned before.
Thank God pretty much everything went to plan, and my wife thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We spent 12 days in Japan, most of it in Tokyo and 2 nights in Kawaguchiko. Many people were surprised to know that we’d be spending most of our trip in Tokyo, but I thought it was just fine because Tokyo had a lot to offer. My wife and I aren’t big on visiting shrines or tick tourist hotspots off a checklist. We don’t shop much, but we did a lot of it simply because it’s Japan and we bought lots of quality-of-life items (not fashion) for ourselves and others. Given how much my wife really enjoyed the trip, I think others with similar interests could find something helpful too.
Pre-trip planning
Planning during the trip
Day 0 (Wed) - Arrival at Shinjuku Airport- Arrived in Haneda late, about 11. Clearance was quick but baggage took 30mins. I had no choice but to cancel my airport limousine and take the metro to our hotel in Shinjuku.- I tried Apple wallet’s Suica at first. It worked seamlessly but felt that a physical metro card was just faster so I eventually switched over.- Reached after midnight, so do let your hotel know in advance if you anticipate arriving at odd hours.
Day 1 (Thurs) - Shinjuku exploration- Originally planned to visit Tsukiji on day 1, but given that we arrive late the previous night, agreed with my wife to change the plan and spend the first day doing the Shinjuku itinerary.
Day 2 (Fri) - Kappabashi St., Fabric Town, Akihabara
Day 3 (Sat) - Cooking class in Shinjuku, Shibuya
Day 4 (Sun) - Komazawa Church, Harajuku, Shibuya
Day 5 (Mon) - Tsukiji Market, Ginza Muji/Uniqlo, Tokyo station
Day 6 (Tue) - Tokyo National Museum, Fabric town revisit, Akihabara revisit, Ochanomizu
Day 7 (Wed) - Shinjuku Gyoen Garden, Mori Museum, Ginza Wakamatsu, Shinjuku
Day 8 (Thurs) - Kawaguchiko
Day 9 (Fri) - Fuji Q Highlands, Shimoyoshida Honcho St, Batting Cage
Planning for Fuji Q & Morning Jog: I didn’t plan to go to Fuji-Q highlands before the trip. Always felt it a bit of a waste to visit amusement parks overseas. That’s until I realised that Fuji Q had some of the most exciting, (I mean world-record-holding) rollercoasters in the world. Perhaps not anymore, but that intrigued me enough, because most amusement parks only had 1-2 coasters. Problem was that wife is terrified, and she said cycling on the streets of Kawaguchiko was like a coaster ride for her. So I decided I would reach at opening time, and buy time by paying for the fast passes and try their top three coasters. The night before, we felt that we had to make decisions on our itinerary as it was our last day at Kawaguchiko. If Mt Fuji wasn’t visible, go to Oshino Hakkai, if it was, we could try going to Shimoyoshida to get a nice picture.
Day 10 (Sat) - Kichijoji, Ghibli Museum, Kichijoji Jazz bar
Woke up before sunrise for a run and to attempt to catch a sunrise picture of Mount Fuji. Streets were completely empty. Even ran to the famous Kawaguchiko Lawson for a picture. Headed back for an onsen bathe (note: we never used the hotel bathroom, and always went for an onsen bath throughout our stay in Kawaguchiko). Took a 7am bus to return to Shinjuku.
Day 11 (Sun) - Tokyo Sky Tree, Shinjuku, Back to Kichijoji, Shibuya
It was a crazy day where we simply hit the places we wanted to revisit regardless of proximity. Headed to Tokyo Skytree in the morning to check out another Ghibli store. If you’re not going to the Ghibli museum, this is probably the best store available. Headed to Shinjuku to try curry udon, then to Kichijoji to try satou beef balls and to make some purchasing decisions on some sports equipment. Then we ended up at Shibuya (my favourite place!) to the mega Don Quijote and Tokyu Hands to shop for gifts for others. It was a lovely end to our trip!
Day 12 (Mon) - Back home
Best trip ever, says my wife.
Tips for travellers
Observations
submitted by farmer_giles91 to JapanTravel [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:30 ClaudiaN99 Tired of feeling anxious when I walk my dog.

I live in a beautiful apartment complex and always felt safe walking my dog / being outside until recently. There’s so many shitbulls here, that aren’t suppose to be here. Just today I saw 2 sibling pits almost attack each other over a treat on my morning walk, and the walk I just came back from a pit was trying to go after a little white dog. They all bark, snap, lunge and foam at the mouth, at dogs AND people it’s disgusting. A few times they’ve locked eyes on my 60lb dog and it sure is terrifying. The incident I recently had was this lady wanted to bring her pit into the dog park area because she thought her dog liked my dog because he wasn’t barking, yet her pit was growling, lunging and foaming at the mouth. Totally freaked my dog out. I felt helpless in that moment because she was 2 seconds away from letting her beast run free and after my dog. Why do people seriously get these dogs? They’re so aggressive, shit isn’t normal. I’ve talked to the property manager and he advised there’s to be no pits or any bully / aggressive breeds on his property. Yet there’s about 8 of them. He said there’s a white one that’s a service animal with papers. He asked us to take pictures of the pits and the owners because he wants everyone that lives here to feel safe. He’s a no nonsense manager and doesn’t like those who don’t follow the rules he says. So now I’ve been taking pictures of the pitbulls and owners on my walks and basically making a collage of these dogs and their owners. Hopefully something is done soon, it’ll be difficult to catch them because they come outside after the office and management leave for the day. I’m surprised no one else has complained about this to management. Hopefully they will get evicted.
submitted by ClaudiaN99 to BanPitBulls [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:30 Gist_it China launches a new crew into space, including its first civilian astronaut

China launched a new three-person crew to its orbiting space station on Tuesday, including the country's first civilian astronaut.
Liftoff achievement: The Shenzhou 16 spacecraft was launched from the Jiuquan launch center, marking China's progress to put astronauts on the moon before 2030. * The crew will overlap with those currently aboard the Tiangong station before they return to Earth after their six-month mission. * A crewed lunar mission is also planned before 2030 alongside plans to expand the space station.
Background context: China built its own space station after being excluded from the International Space Station, largely due to U.S. concerns over connections between the Chinese space program and the People's Liberation Army. * China's first manned space mission in 2003 made it the third country to put astronauts in space using its own resources.
Competitive aspects: The mission comes amid a rivalry with the U.S. to achieve new milestones in space, reflecting competition for leadership and influence in technology, military, and diplomatic fields. * While the U.S. has an edge in some areas, China has achieved milestones like returning lunar surface samples and landing a rover on the moon's far side. * The U.S. also aims to send astronauts to the lunar surface by 2025 in collaboration with private companies like SpaceX and Blue Origin.
View original article on NPR
This summary was created by an AI system. The use of this summary is subject to our Terms of Service.
submitted by Gist_it to SummarizeNow [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:28 Jannerone The psychiatric inquisition is a continuation of the thousand year Elven holocaust :

I finally decided to share my personal story of my experience with psychiatry :
I have confession to make : I am not fully human as a part of my genome descends from the Anunnaki which devolves back to the Royal Scythian houses roughly 80 generations ago. I am member of the ancient Elven, Dragon race. Ancient Dragons used to dwell in the forests of France and Britain and we practiced a form of Royal Communism as part of our Grail code. In the earlier days of the Anunnaki it was possible to freely practice the Grail Code via an empathetic consciousness which was particularly strong enough for the foundation of the Grail Code within the family of the Gods. The peoples' selfish , individualistic motivations stood in direct opposition to the Grail Code of Royal Communism and community service. The motivation of Elves was driven by our transcendent consciousness , which can only operate in an environment of truth and empathy. If one desires only truth and empathy and gives instinctively for the common good, one becomes a target for deceivers and opportunists.
Faced with the violence and hostility of a group of myopic animals hell bent on pursuing their own selfish interests and unable to see the larger picture the Elves had no chance of survival , whatever other states of affairs might have transpired. This is how the mayors of the Palace took over and deposed of the Elven/Dragon Royal Merovingians. They exploited the innate trust and complacency etc.. of the Merovingian Kings.
Dragon culture was scientific and we can perform magic inter alia so we attracted the hostility of the Catholic church. The Catholic Church forged a Document known as the donation of Constatine which replaced the Merovingians with the Carolingian dynasty (if I remember correctly) then the Catholic church waged a thousand year Elven holocaust chasing the French Dragons and Pendragons deep into the forests of France and Britain. For over a thousand years the Church initiated a consistent policy of genocide that is still unrivaled in human history in terms of relentless violence and hatred.
This genocide continues under psychiatry but Draco Sentiens are by no means their only target because Dragon's were once part of a genetically clear sighted Elder race that looked over and protected the peasants from such abuses as we see in current day psychiatry.
Zoom in to modern times :
So one day I was a happy Pendragon frolicking in my native habitat of Cornwall/Devonshire. Then a black cloud appeared on the horizon and three banshees descended upon me. Who were the banshees ? The three horseman of the Pendragon apocalypse : the tyrannical sadomasochistic automaton genetic turnip peasants Emil Kraepelin, Freud, and Wilhelm Wundt. Freud came with his pet frog Charcot and they all stood behind the fascist kraut Kraepelin who uttered that I had the pseudo-scientific nonsensical diffuse label of schizophrenia. His German arrogance blinded him from the fact that genetic turnip peasants are not qualified to pontificate on a Draco Sentien's (Pendragon's) state of mind since I enter transcendental perception via unity of the godhead through an elaborate royal rite with my red headed virgin grail maidens called the Derkesthai perception. The peasants proceeded to poison their way to the top so I could not guide humanity via my superior Derkesthai perception. Now all of humanity is suffering as a result but ironically the peasants are hardest hit by this tragedy of epic proportions.
Being a Draco Sentien I have a different number of the correct axon membranes in the right type of synaptic receptors and an increased number of dendrites connecting the appropriate brain cells across both hemispheres. In layman’s terms Dragon princesses have round pegs and Dragon Kings had lots of round holes, in stark contrast to non-dragons, who seem to have different shape pegs and holes , and less of either. The Church and modern day psychiatry do not respect this neurodiversity and they hate the fact that they can't use “Dragon magic” so they attempted to destroy it so no one else can use it either. They hope to level the playing field so the stupidity of their own political ruling clients won’t be noticed in comparison to the hopefully exterminated and unobservable wisdom of the true Pendragon kings.
submitted by Jannerone to Antipsychiatry [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:28 GodzillaFlamewolf Found a teenager duck. Don't have any idea what to do with it!

Found a teenager duck. Don't have any idea what to do with it!
Sooo, I found a teenager duck with no duck parents around, and being stalked by cats. I ran the cats off, and now we have a teenager duck spending the night in a dog carrier without his mom's permission. He has no apparent injuries.
I figure there are two paths forward that dont involve throwing the duck to the proverbial wolves:
  1. Call animal control in the morning. We live in Boise, and wildlife control isbusually pretty good about getting them back to an appropriate place.
  2. Release the duck at one of our many local parks. There are a bunch, and they all have fairly large populations of ducks and geese with teenagers running around. But I dont know if this approach will work as I dont know if ducks adopt.
Any thoughts on the options presented?
submitted by GodzillaFlamewolf to duck [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:24 savviathan664 Animal Crossing is stressing me out.

Hey everyone. I’ve been recently trying to get back into animal crossing. I’m struggling. Hard.
I’m trying to reset to get my “perfect” island. West river, far away Resident Services, apples, and a yellow airport. None of those beach rocks with the water in them, preferably.
Ive been resetting for a combined 16 hours according to my play time. I’m so stressed out. I just can’t get it. I have to do something, because my poor lovely friend had been holding my items for awhile (she says she doesn’t mind, but I still feel horrible!). I wanted this to be fun. It feels like I’m fighting so hard just to want to open up the game and try to get the island. If I don’t get it, it’s gonna bother me until the end of time.
Any suggestions? I know it sounds so beyond stupid, but I was really doing this because the game became more like a chore than fun and thought a fresh start would help. Ugh.
submitted by savviathan664 to AnimalCrossing [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:21 GodzillaFlamewolf Found a teenager duck and dont know whT to do with it.

Sooo, I found a teenager duck with no duck parents around being stalked by cats. I ran the cats off, and now we have a teenager duck spending the night in a dog carrier without his mom's permission.
I figure there are two paths forward that dont involve throwing rhe duck to the proverbial wolves:
  1. Call animal control in the morning. We live in Boise, and wildlife control isbusually pretty good about getting them back to an appropriate place.
  2. Release the duck at one of our many local parks. There are a bunch, and they all have fairly large populations of ducks and geese with teenagers running around. But I dont know if this approach will work as I dont know if ducks adopt.
Any thoughts on the options presented?
submitted by GodzillaFlamewolf to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:19 Ambitious-Radish-981 My Name Is Snuff, I'm Super Sweet But Momma's in a hard situation so I needs a new Home

My Name Is Snuff, I'm Super Sweet But Momma's in a hard situation so I needs a new Home
I have cats that need a loving home The young adult male (1 year old) Absolutely needs a new home as soon as possible. I was unable to afford to get him fixed. My ex kept saying that he would get him fixed because he kept claiming it was his cat but he never did and then we split. The adult male is obnoxiously sweet but is territorial with the kittens. He sprays and he is extremely vocal. He is new to being an outdoor cat because he tried to smother the kittens. He seems pretty happy outside but is vocal indoors and out, so much so that it wakes my children up No matter if the cat is indoors or out. I cannot afford to get him fixed as I am on SSI. He was an emotional support animal until he produced kittens and started spraying all over the house, particularly on my children’s toys and my children’s bed which I cannot handle. both of my children have autism and I have sensory processing disorder among other disabilities so cleaning up spray multiple times a day is not something I can manage or afford I have posted him on a couple of adoption websites and so far they’re under review. Again super sweet and super loving. He just can’t be around kittens under 8 weeks old and sprays. I wish that Those we're the only issues and that I could afford the car that he needs but I cannot. The other main issue is considering how loud he is when he meows I can no longer handle that waking up my special needs children as sleep is something we already do not get enough of. That may change after he gets fixed. I do not know. His name is Snuff. His Mom was a bobt-tailed Siamese and his dad a big fluffy Maine coon. I got him at 12 weeks. He is currently a year old and just started spraying in the last month and a half.
The available or two kittens. One is all white and will probably remain all white. The other one is orange. Both males I believe. I know the orange one is for sure. It’s kind of hard to tell with the white one. They are not ready for a new home yet as they are coming up on 2 weeks old. After they are weaned from their moms somewhere between 8 and 12 weeks they will be ready. I cannot afford to get either of them fixed. I have reached out to my local animal shelters for things that I can do and for now they’re not taking new animals, and the ones that are are too far. Again, I am disabled and I do not drive. I do not have a car. I do not have a caretaker.My children do not have a caretaker other than me. I do not have any friends as I just escaped and abusive and isolating 6-year long marriage. I have enough going on. I cannot handle all of these stressors with these little animals. I love animals and I love cats and it hurts my heart to not be able to care for them but I would like to be able to find someone who can. Please DM me if you are interested or have some resources for me. I will add that I am aware of the voucher program. The only issue with that is that I do not have the transportation to go fill out the paperwork and then take the cat to the appointment and pick the cat up all while not also having any kind of child care or any kind of way to transport my kids and cats. I’m trying so hard to get my life put back together and I think finding happy, healthy forever home for these cats would be beneficial for everyone in my household including the cats. Please no negativity or comments to shame me for not getting him fixed sooner- I feel shitty enough being in this position and not having the help, knowledge or resources I need.
Thanks for taking the time and reading This.
submitted by Ambitious-Radish-981 to National_Pet_Adoption [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:18 hannahnotgay Policies that make me AND the customers mad

  1. Having to verify 100's and even 50's ; When my manager decides to go on lunch and it's just me in the store, I have to stand and wait or I will get written up for not verifying the bill.
I've worked with money since I was 16, I know how to verify a 100 dollar bill.
Also, a lot of my customers take offense to it and think that I am calling a manager because I think their bill is fake. I have to explain over and over it's just policy.
  1. Poles on carts ; I understand why. But people just tilt the cart a certain way to get it outside. Meaning I have to somehow do the same and get it back inside
Some people need help getting their items to their car, and the poles prevent that.
  1. No item voids ; When I first started a few item voids were fine. Now just one will get me written up.
This slows down everything for everyone in the store, because I now have to call a manager and wait. The entire line has to wait. If my manager disappeared I have to do an item void and get in trouble for it.
  1. Unverified service animals ; I have no issue with animals in the store, I do have an issue with animals in the basket with no blanket or towel underneath them. People put food in that and I've never ever seen someone clean them.
Any others?
submitted by hannahnotgay to DollarTree [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:06 Putrid_Platypus_2645 My friend is an obsessed dog mom

My friend of 15 years adopted a dog about 1.5 years ago from a local shelter with her then bf. She has become obsessed with this dog… which I’m completely shocked by because she’s a very level headed person and never mentioned even liking animals before despite having a dog growing up.
I find it ultra annoying that she has to constantly bring up the dog in one way shape or form. I ask what time I should come over? “Well I need to take my dog for a long walk first.” How was your holiday weekend? “oh good, I got invited to a get together and got to bring my dog so he ran around all day and was pooped.” Literally the dog mom identity has completely taken over.
Let me say that I enjoy animals/pets as I have my own, but I literally hear more about this dog than about my friends human babies! Her dog is a perfect bill of health, no special needs or anything noteworthy that would warrant constantly bringing him up.
I haven’t said anything to her about how annoying it is because I didn’t know how to talk to her about it without being offensive. But today she blew off a get together I was hosting because she “felt bad about leaving her dog especially bc she works in the office tomorrow”- she had plans in the morning that weren’t dog friendly and got home around 12:30pm. My party was at 6pm. You’re telling me that your dog can’t handle being alone from 6-8pm after hanging out with him for 5 hours?! (She also puts her dog in doggy daycare when she’s in the office.)
I told her I was annoyed that she wasn’t coming and that I can’t understand letting any pet/animal dictate social plans. She responded genuinely perplexed why I was upset and said that she’s trying the best she can now that her and her bf broke up (happened 6 months ago) to balance taking care of the dog and social things. And that he’s her “kid.”
I’m so over the obsessed dog mom that my friend has turned into. I don’t want this to become a bigger thing but I don’t know how to go about this conversation. Any advice?
TLDR: My friend has turned into an obsessed dog mom and after she blew me off for her dog today, I have to explain to her how ridiculous she’s being in a way that doesn’t escalate things further.
submitted by Putrid_Platypus_2645 to Advice [link] [comments]


2023.05.30 06:03 michaelwoff214 REACHING OUT FOR HELP IN OBTAINING $5000 FOR LEGAL AID (RETAINER)

Well this was suggested for me to do considering the desperate circumstances I find myself in. I'm looking for Paypal or CashApp or Zelle donations to use for a $5,000 retainer to hire legal counsel! And here's why...
I will be brutally honest even though the truth may turn people from wanting to help due to the stigma and stereotypical mind sets people seem to carry towards those that suffer from drug addiction and mental health issues. I suffer from a mental health diagnosis called shizo-effective depressive type. I also had a heroin addiction for many many years. In 2017 I had been on methodone for several years at a 50mg daily dose at your local friendly methodone clinic. I also drank daily, Id buy a fifth of Captain Morgan on my way home from work everyday. Id drink about 3/4 of this fifth daily after work. For years this went on all the while I worked doing basement waterproofing 6 days a week, running a jack hammer daily or digging huge deep holes around the outside perimeter of homes. I rented a small apartment a mile away from the beach, had a live in girlfriend, paid all my bills with simply one paycheck out of the monthly 4 pay cycles. Life was seemingly perfect! Compared to my earlier years of homelessness and heroin addiction. Slept in abandoned houses on the east side of Detroit, drug houses, homeless shelters and warming centers in the winter months. I committed retail frauds daily to support my drug habit, to eat, to support every financial need I had. Inevitably I did alot of time in county jails. Visited over 12 county jails and was a repeat customer at several of the jails. I spent approximately 5-6 years incarcerated in county jails. Then despite my crimes being non-violent, petty in nature, low class misdemeanors and felonies... The judges grew tired of my revolving door antics seemingly serving 90 days in jail out for 90 back in for 90 for over 5 years this went on. With quite a few 6 month sentences and a couple 1 year sentences. After being viewed as a career criminal with no regard for the law I was sent to prison, twice actually! I served almost 6 years total with the M.D.O.C. AKA Michigan prisons. For a grand tally of almost 11 years of incarceration on the installment plan, in pieces not straight 11 years. Moving forward I got out in 2012 and turned over a new leaf after serving 3 years for stealing 10 cans of baby formula from the local Kroger market. I went on what they call M.A.T. (medicated assisted treatment) methodone. This is viewed as a "harm reduction" module, basically for the severely addicted that have a very difficult time accumulating any clean time what so ever! Methodone gave me what I imagine people would refer to as a normal life. I worked, I rented a place, I paid bills, I was a productive member of society for the first time in my life at age 30. I landed a job with the local 687 carpenters union out of Detroit worked as an apprentice on commercial cooling towers. I attended apprenticeship school, or trade school once a week for 8 hrs and collected $19 an hr to sit in class. I had a pension, an annuity, top class health insurance with an Express Scripts debit card that collected $120 a month to use toward prescriptions, doctor appts, copays etc. Life was grand I was finally proving myself to be more than the stereotyped street addict career criminal. Moving forward the carpenters union didn't pan out and unfortunately wasn't vested enough to collect any of my pension I paid into, my employer paid into for over a year. I then got into Basement Waterproofing and stuck with this trade from there on out. Well in the year 2017, 5 years out of prison now and heroin free I became ... What's the perfect adjective to use here... Complacent I suppose. Life was good had all I wanted, never went w/o. Even had the live in girlfriend situation going. Learning to step outside of my own selfish self-centered geared mentality. Into a loving compassionate individual that did my best to provide, support, love another human being. This was foreign territory for me absolutely! As before the world evolved around me me me. Safe to say I was growing and learning to live "normal" (despise that reference but seemingly fits here). I in fact was doing so well I decided I no longer needed to be on methodone and if I'm gonna stop that I may as well not drink either! I cold turkey approached a 50mg daily 5 year dose of methodone and quit drinking almost the daily fifth of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. Now here in lies the confliction and perhaps even someone could view as controversial because I claimed to be growing and living my best life yet I was taking a strong narcotic medication and drinking daily on it! However I view this in a relative standpoint, in comparison to the way I lived prior ... Street junky retail fraud extradenair in and out of incarceration, not to mention around 20 inpatient substance abuse rehabilitation centers. So in comparison to that lifestyle I did view myself as experiencing "my best years." In fact I would still argue that logic, despite my own mother not seeing it in that perspective. Which brings me into mental health and my schizo-effective major depressive and substance abuse severe diagnosis. The classic coined term Dual Diagnosis, suffering from drug addiction and mental health issues. So to back it up briefly and quickly move forward with this because I'm honestly not wanting this to be long in the sense of people dont even contemplate reading it. But yes my decision to quit drinking and abruptly quit methodone against doctors advice to gradually wean down to a near 0mg dosage . I had made up my mind and couldn't of been more ready to see this thing thru! Well I'd say it was 10 days into my detox (methodone is a long drawn out detox due to a "half-life" term that basically means the medication builds up in your system and takes forever to not only complete a detox, but to simply feel like your self again) it gets in your bone marrow and does NOT see itself out as normally as say other drugs would! In fact I would argue that after being on methodone long term that you never fully recover from that. Simply put you never quite feel the same again, that the daily "norm feeling" is far from normal anymore. It is common knowledge that fatigue, depression, and for me, being in a never-ending state of not ever again experiencing pleasure in mundane things that (here we go again) normal people find joy in. There is no drive to do anything, to go anywhere, or simply go out and enjoy the company of socializing and interacting with other people, even loved ones. Simply put it is very difficult to find pleasure in anything, with no high or low emotions rather like being stuck at a constant medium. Combine that with chronic fatigue and a general baseline of feeling depressed. That is what it is like to come off a synthetic opiate that you took daily for 5 years or better! But I haven't even started on the mental health aspects of my experience. Back to the point of being about 10 days into my detox... I experienced what they call a drug induced psychosis. Which was basically like being schizophrenic but times 10. I was in such a state that when I watched T. V. I was being sent subliminal messages from corporate America trying to indirectly turn me on to something that was extremely important but yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand "what the TV was truly trying to tell me." When I put music on I was convinced that the artists I was listening to had a direct feed into my personal life and were rapping about me, again sending me messages. When I walked down the street the traffic in the road was deliberately trying to lead me somewhere that I needed to follow or sometimes avoid. I mean it is very difficult for me to put in words what I experienced because it's like trying to write something that makes absolutely no sense, but then try to make the reader understand what I was experiencing and trying to explain. Another thing I recall was people around me in stores or wherever they would be on there cell phones talking but they weren't actually talking to anyone on their phones they were indirectly talking to me. Ill stop there with the attempted explanation of what a psychosis was like, I'm sure the reader can see it's basically going from never having any psychological issues to becoming absolutely crazy! It's like the most intense self-centered experience one could ever go thru. As everything, the traffic, people, music, television literally everything surrounding you is directed at you! As if the entire world is circulating around you because everything that happens has to do with someone or something directing a message or a signal to you. Basically I lost my fuckin mind ok. I went from never having any mental health issues perhaps a little situational depression due to my life choices, my addiction, being incarcerated etc. But nothing worthy of note nothing pre-existing here that got triggered in my detox. It wasn't like that, I wasn't previously even slightly off my rocker then thru detox it enhanced it. No it was more like being completely normal experiencing what I was considering my best life to being completely utterly insane! So naturally 3 weeks into this I had lost my job, my car broke down, and I wasn't leaving my apartment at all. It progressed and got worse for a period of, no exaggeration here, almost 3 years. I moved back in with my mother and step father in 2017. Having lost everything I worked for and accumulated, even my pets! My family thought I was gone beyond repair that I would never be myself again. I went to the psychiatric hospital a few times and they couldnt even explain what had happened or the why I ended up in such a long state of insanity. Id say it was about 2020 at which point community mental health workers had been coming to my mom's place 3 times a week to check in on me. I had been taking a medication called Abilify for quite some time at this point. And I don't know hard to elaborate on but I just kinda started to snap out of it. Then eventually I did completely snap out of it and I was wonderfully sane and capable of sitting down and having a rational conversation again. The catch was severe depression lingered, a depression that was more intense than the horrible adjustment phase of not having methodone to jump start brain synapses, and working with a completely deleted amount of dopamine and serotonin levels. It became my personality a general baseline of depressed. Sane again yes but depressed to the extreme of finding little to no pleasure in doing things. Sleeping 12 hours a day, chronic fatigue... Basically discontented at all times. At this point of my life I had been out of prison for 11 years, had 0 police contact, no problems with drug abuse at least not on the level of being anything remotely close to a street junky.
So this turned out to be way longer and more detailed then I had originally intended this to go. I'm writing this for a purpose because I am currently in trouble and I honestly do need financial assistance to acquire legal representation. A situation I never ever thought I would be in again. As I had over 10 + years outside of living in such a miserable existence of constantly worrying about being incarcerated or worrying about my next fix. So anyway I'm sharing my story here to first of all present an honest persective into my life. Yes I struggled for many years but I never once went into the how i got into heroin at age 17. I didn't play the point my finger at the adult game that turned me and my best friend onto the drug telling us it was only ketamine that is essentially non addictive. That I used heroin for the duration of a year before I new it was heroin. Finding out too late because I was already in a state of being chemically dependent. That it was in fact my best friend thru middle and high school, his older brother that turned us onto becoming junkies and mislead the whole way into thinking we were doing a drug that doesn't have serious addictive properties. I mean there are so many blame games I coulda orchestrated in this writing, perhaps sharing my own father being a crack addict that routinely embarrassed me in high school by going on crack binges then coming over to like my girlfriends house and trying to manipulate money outta them. Or having me in the car with him as a kid while he smoked crack telling me to turn my head while he blasted away 50 dollar rocks filling the entire car with crack smoke. My point is yes there was learned behaviors I picked up at an early age that perhaps made me more susceptible to turning out the way I did. Or the trauma I experienced as a child that had me running to drugs to get high at 13 years old. There were so many contributing factors but the simple truth is despite all that stuff, the trauma and learned behaviors all the things the licensed therapists will play on and then tell u it's not your fault. Well I kinda disagree with all that because no one forced me to do the things I did, I made a conscious decision every day in doing the things I did until it completely spiraled outta control and my life became completely unmanageable. Textbook powerlessness over the ability to simply say no and to just stop using. I couldn't do that, I still can't do that I have to be on medication to balance myself out if I'm not using. Because I dont feel normal or happy when I'm not on my medicine in fact I'm out right miserable. Which brings me to the current perdictment I'm in, with the legal issues. To get to the point of summing this up after 12 years of no legal trouble I did end up being charged with a felony. I had given an old friend a ride and he stashed a meth pipe in my truck, that had been there for over 6 months without my knowledge until the day came where I was pulled over. And with my history when I get pulled over they search my vehicle every time! And yes this happened and they find this meth pipe and apparently meth is like the worse drug in the world to be charged with. Over having a meth pipe in my truck I was charged with felony possession of methinphetamines. I go to court and because of my past the charges from over 12 years ago, it enhanced my sentencing guidelines. I was told I was going to do anywhere from 5 months to 41 months, for this pipe found that wasn't even mine. And it mattered not that all this time had went by where I didn't get in trouble and did well for myself. So with looking at prison again, and having mental health problems now being a bit older and settled down... I completely panicked over the ideal of long term incarceration again. So I signed up for the mental health court program which is basically the same thing as drug court for those that are familiar. And I did 18 months on this program of seeing the judge every single week to check in with status reports. Going to take drug tests 3 times a week. Doing mandatory counseling 5 days a week at community mental health on top of seeing my recovery coach once a week and my therapist once a week. To top it off with 5 NA/AA meetings a week. I did all this for 18 months only had 6 months of this intense probation left to go. Then my uncle died of lung cancer and the man was like a father figure to me. I relapsed and I can't really explain the why, it was like I was in a state of just not caring being so lost with grief is a overbearing thing idk but yes I relapsed. I immediately told on myself, told my therapist told the judge told everyone on the mental health team. And the judge was not happy I told her I had a rehab set up and I could get in that very next day. I went on to tell her that there was a 90 day program they offered at this facility and I was aiming to get into that. She then completely cut me off said I was to go there I was to do not a day less than 90 and if I deveaated in any way she would take me off this jail diversion mental health program that I would be resentenced on original charge and basically it wouldn't be good! And I do know from experience in my dealings with the judicial system and being around other inmates hearing there stories, that when put into one of these jail diversion/ sentence diversion programs like mental health court or drug court.. that if you sign up for it then end up messing it up not completing for whatever reason that they go to the very high end of your sentencing guidelines and give you every bit of time they are permitted to according to your scoring sheet.
Coming to conclusion here I went to this program and IMMEDIATELY found out that the 90 day program they offered was merely for a select few individuals that there was never bed space to get into it and unfortunately you had to of been from that same county receiving funding from that particular county in order to get accepted into it! So I was a far ways off from even being remotely close to being eligible for this 90 day program that my judge demanded me to do. Then I find out my program is only a 2 week program which is a far ways off from 90. And I knew my judge wasn't gonna wanna hear any kinda excuses or reasons. So what I did was I did 2 weeks then I applied for 2 week extensions at the end of my 2 week funding period. Long story short here I got 7 weeks in and then my funding source decided that was sufficient and I wasn't getting anymore funding for additional time there in the program. So I panicked and I ended up calling medicaid switching my address to a local address then I called the local funding source for inpatient rehabs and I gave them this new local address. Well they issued me more funding to stay and I thought I was good, no worries. Few days later I'm being told that I have to zoom in for mental health court that day which was not routine at all as I had been there 8 weeks almost at that point and never had to zoom in because the judge new I was in rehab. So I zoom in to court the judge tells me that I'm to leave the rehab and report immediately the following Tuesday to court for resentencing that I was being kicked of the program because I was no longer a resident of Lapeer county. I tried to explain and I was shunned wasnt allowed to explain then I got hung up on whole on the zoom app. I immediately call my therapist because she's part of the mental health court team. She tells me that in changing my address and using it to fasely acquire funding for medical services in a fraudant way was in fact a felony. Then she said that she was sorry but there was nothing she could do for me that the judge was gonna resentence me. So my life flipped upside down immediately here I am in rehab going on almost 8 weeks doing great participating the best I could attempting to get the most I could outta the experience so I could get out stay clean and move forward with my life and be off the court probation thing it under 6 months. To my reality becoming I'm not going to do 41 months in prison over a meth pipe which is technically a paraphernalia ticket but they trumped it up to a felony and now I have to go back after 12 years of being out. I stressed and stressed and stressed then I ran. I didn't go to court because honestly I'm scared to death over the idea of going back to prison. I struggle with mental health problem now, I'm older and simply just not the young healthy person l was when I had to go in last time! I convinced myself that I wouldn't mentally be capable of enduring that again in the current state of my well-being. And I left the trailer I own because staying there woulda been me being arrested with in a week. So now here I am staying with a friend no money no job no where to go family mad at me and im looking at 41 months :( .
I need help I'm trying to raise 5 grand to retain this lawyer that already knows the ins and outs of my whole case. And believe he can get me a deal to no prison time! Which is a miracle because as of now I'm looking at 41 months! So we're talking roughly 30 months being shaved off for an expense of 5 grand! That is worth the money it's worth me doing something like this that I would under normal circumstances not even think about writing my personal life to be painted on the internet for the world to see. And maybe just maybe a few individuals out there that have the means to help people financially will read this and decide I've suffered enough in my life time already and won't wanna see me go do 41 months in prison!
That's all I got, if your in a position where u can donate to my freedom clause GREAT, it's more than appreciated! If ya can't help well I hope you enjoyed the short version of my life story.
ASKING FOR CASH APP DONATIONS AT $shortchange214 IS MY CASH APP TAG NAME... MIKE W
OR ZELLE DONATIIONS USING THE EMAIL [email protected]. (lowercase letters in email)
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God bless and thank you for your time and consideration if nothing else!
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2023.05.30 06:02 Most_Bee_2549 Why the kalos leagues doesn't work (mostly my way of thinking)

This has been a topic of discussion bc of ash losing and I thought it was time to throw my hat in the ring when it comes to untangling exactly why I think the Kalos League doesn't work at all, and most significant criticisms of it don't miss the point. Not to say that the League is good and good arguments are not valid whatsoever, but rather that the most discussed criticisms are not valid ones, and tend to overshadow discourse surrounding the Kalos League as a whole and it’s place in the XY Series because people didn't get the story telling at all because of the writers own failure at making the story.
Introduction – The Story Thus Far
It’s important we start this with some context, the Kalos League is the culmination of the Kalos Gym Quest that has been going on throughout the XY series and it’s important we understand clearly where every relevant character stands before we proceed into the league itself, so let’s go through the main contenders.
Ash
After having unlocked the true power of Ash-Greninja at the start of XYZ, Ash had come up against a roadblock controlling the ability due to his insecurities over failing to live up to the image of himself that his friends and rivals had built of him, which he perceives as ‘The Ace’ a strong and capable trainer who always wins. This insecurity caused him to overestimate his responsibility for failures which ultimately lead to his collapse following a string of losses against Alain, Sawyer and Wulfric.
However, through the actions of Serena and Greninja, Ash was reminded both of the importance of partnership in a battle and that he had been misinterpreting the image of himself he’d been attempting to live up to.
Wins and losses weren’t successes and failures, and it wasn’t his loss to Wulfric that had made Serena scald him, but rather the way he acted afterwards whilst blaming himself for a perceived failing. He learnt that as long as he tried his best, never gave up until it was over and accepted both defeat and victory with grace, that was all his friends and rivals ever expected of him all along.
In addition to this, he learnt that he was not solely responsible for a win or a loss. The Bond Phenomenon was, at its core a partnership, and by shovelling all that pressure to succeed onto himself, he was denying the partnership and causing the transformation to break down.
By rejecting the idea of ‘the Ace’ as someone who always wins and by acknowledging the importance of his bond with Greninja, Ash was able to come to a more mature understanding of the reason for the results of his recent battles with Alain, Sawyer and Wulfric and how his relationship with Greninja factored into that, and with this newfound understanding he was finally able to finally defeat Wulfric, breaking his losing streak and claiming his final badge.
Alain
Unlike Ash, Alain has come to the Kalos League for one single purpose. To battle Ash. Alain was originally an assistant to Professor Sycamore who broke away from him to pursue his own journey and to more thoroughly understand Mega Evolution. During these travels he met Lysandre, the leader of Team Flare, and through his (false)teachings comes to believe that strength is the best way to protect people.
During Mega Evolution Special I, Alain meets Mairin and Chespie and they end up travelling together as Alain seeks out other trainers with Mega Evolutions to grow stronger (and Learn).
During his journey, on behalf of research for Lysandre Labs he is forced into battle with Primal Groudon, Primal Kyogre and Mega Rayquaza. Three Pokemon so powerful even his Charizard, who at this point can stand up to a Champion, was no match for them.
This only further convinces him of the need for strength, especially now he has grown to care for Mairin. He terminates his relationship with her for the sake of training. But during the resultant match, Mairin’s Chespie is rendered comatose after exposure to the energy of Zygarde. This greatly hurts Mairin and only further enhances Alain’s desires to become stronger as he, even with his strength, was still unable to protect Mairin.
His battle with Ash-Greninja upon meeting Ash convinces him that a fully mastered Ash-Greninja would be his ultimate opponent and his entrance to the League was done solely due to Ash’s presence. Other battles are all well and good but the battle with Ash is sacrosanct.
Sawyer
Sawyer is a new trainer and one who relies primarily on analytical battle techniques and writes down any and all advice in his notebook. His strategies and mindset rendered him a prodigy who through study and motivation was able to improve rapidly.
Sawyer has been enamoured by Ash Ketchum from the moment they met. His unpredictable strategies and quick thinking inspired Sawyer, motivating him to undergo his rapid improvement which allowed him to become a fully-fledged rival to Ash. His main one in fact.
This lead to him not only fully evolving his starter Pokemon, but also eventually claiming a Mega Stone of his very own.
His previous encounter with Ash was during Ash’s aforementioned period of difficulty controlling Ash-Greninja’s abilities and this lead to Sawyer’s first victory against Ash. Despite this however, Sawyer considered the victory illegitimate, as he was not fighting Ash as he had come to truly know him. He desired to face Ash at his peak to prove how far he had come and to experience a proper full battle against Ash.
He also wants to see if Ash has fully overcome the obstacles holding him back at their previous encounter.
With our three main players in place and their character journeys contextualised, it is now time to cover the Kalos League itself.
The Importance of Everett ( the Furfrou Guy also the importance of Alain vs Trevor)
The first two matches of the Kalos League don’t seem all that important at first glance. Alain vs Trevor is only shown in a cursorily with only the final matchup being seen (incidentally a mirror match between two Mega Charizards). Similarly Ash’s first match isn’t even a match in the League, but rather is a match against Everett, who’s mostly referred to as ‘The Furfrou Trainer’.
However there’s a reason both of these matches are presented at the beginning and consecutively and it’s to set up our first important trend across the Kalos League. The contrast between Ash and Alain.
Trevor and Everett are for all intents and purposes in the same role. They are woefully outmatched against an opponent they cannot defeat. Ash and Alain are the finalists of this League for a reason. But for one notable difference. Alain has to battle Trevor to advance, for Ash, battling Everett could cost him his position in the League.
Now Alain destroys Trevor, this should come as no surprise. It’s to the point that whilst Trevor sees Mega Evolution as his ultimate trump card. Alain merely sees Trevor as a hurdle on the path to Ash. Trevor’s dreams and aspirations don’t matter to Alain, only that final goal, battling Ash, proving he is better than ash winning. That’s all that matters.
Contrast Ash. Ash owes Everett nothing, he’s not even an opponent from the League, he’s someone who failed to get all Eight badges before the conference. Yet Ash stops, listens to him and battles him. He Everett’s dream and understands that in being in the League, in progressing in the League, he will be going up against other people’s dreams for the sake of his own. And rather than trample on that without a second thought like Alain did, he gives someone who he owes nothing to the respect he believes he deserves.
This sets up the two as ideological opposites, one driven by his own power and strength, the other by his connection to others.
This also invokes Ash’s prior arc, Alain is in some ways a dark parallel to Ash, having gone through a similar experience, he has chosen to prioritise winning above all else. Whilst Ash rejected that route, he embraced it.
Ash then goes on to annihilate an Altaria. Despite their differences, Ash and Alain are both really really strong.
Sawyer: Ash’s True Rival
Sawyer is a prodigy, I said as much above but this match ‘Sawyer vs Tierno’ serves to highlight exactly why that is.
Tierno has been set up through XY as an unconventional battler, he had a style that was uniquely his that Ash was entirely unable to replicate which he pulled off effortlessly.
Yet in no time flat, Sawyer counters his style, works out its benefits and detriments, and targets those detriments to easily defeat Tierno.
Remember Sawyer barely knows Tierno, yet in no time flat he counters Tierno’s style and is able to gain the upper hand with ease. This sets up the stakes for his match with Ash. Unlike with Tierno, Sawyer has been watching Ash the whole time, he even defeated him last time they fought.
Add that to both Sawyer and Ash’s reasons to fight one another. Sawyer’s to finally surpass the one he’s admired from the start and Ash to show Sawyer everything he’s got.
And with Ash vs Sawyer set up as the next match, we get set to go into it.
But first…
Alain and his 4 episodes which are called the Mega Evolution Specials
Alain vs Remo. This is rematch between Alain and an opponent he first faced in the Mega Evolution Specials. Remo has come to this match ready for a rematch, he’s pumped up and excited to face Alain again, determined to this time overcome him
Alain doesn’t care, and crushes him 2-6. This isn’t just some random either, this is someone he’s faced before and specifically wanted to face him again. And he straight up doesn’t care.
This would be an appropriate time to talk about the Mega Evolution Specials.
A point to be made very clearly here is the Mega Evolution Specials status as proper episodes. Despite the name of ‘Mega Evolution Specials’ they aren’t your conventional specials. They’re an essential part of the series and the viewing experience and shouldn’t be skipped. Despite this, the dub still refuses to acknowledge them as such but that is a fault of TPCi, not the original XY staff (But they also have fault at this by not mentioning Alain at all in ash's series)
Alain as a character originates from these specials. And they’re where much of his character arc is chronicled. Showing his descent from Sycamore’s Assistant to lackey for Team Flare and his growing obsession for power to the point of driving those who care about him away with Mairin in Mega Evolution Special 4 in a kind of dark parallel to the snowball scene from Seeing the Forest for the Trees. This event directly leads to Chespie’s current condition and drives him even further into a quest to be the strongest trainer ever. If he just gets that bit stronger, maybe he can undo the damage he did.
By the point of the League he no longer cares about anyone else besides Ash, his goal. He tramples across people he knew and people he just met alike with the sole goal of battling and defeating Ash and becoming the strongest (Even tho that wasn't Alain's true goal, his goal was only ash)
Ash vs Sawyer: The Culmination of a Rivalry
And the long awaited match begins.
It’s important to take a look as the competitors heading into this match as their mindsets make the match as much as the actual (fantastic) animation and battle strategy does.
And to begin, Ash knows ahead of time Sawyer has specifically engineered his team in this match to hard counter Ash. Every single Pokemon Sawyer uses is intended to neutralise Ash’s teams advantages.
He knows this. And yet he calls no subs. And uses exactly the team Sawyer had planned for.
Why? Well, this kind of thing has happened before, though the reasoning is different let’s also take a look at…
Ash vs Paul, the most important match at the Sinnoh League (besides ash vs Tobias) and one of the best matches (according to fans) in the anime period. In this match, Paul correctly predicts Ash would reuse his Lake Acuity Team. Ash was aware this would likely be the case. So why did he do it here? Simple, Ash believed his Lake Acuity Team deserved that win, because they were all there with him when he was crushed at Lake Acuity. He respected them enough to not sub them out even if tactically it would’ve been the better option.
Ash’s mindset with Sawyer’s match is similar, but this time, flipped. Ash used his Kalos Team because he respected Sawyer, and wanted to see all that Sawyer had. With both the Paul and Sawyer matches, switching teams was the easy way out. But for differing reasons, yet the same underlying mindset, Ash refused that easy way out and faced Sawyer’s best with his own even in spite of the inherent disadvantage.
I could go into the many reasons why this match is tactically brilliant, potentially even more so than the one against Alain (let's be real most of us accept ash vs sawyer the final of the kalos league). Sawyer’s analytical strategy and how he seizes the momentum of the match and the range of counters that Ash develops and employs mid match against Sawyer to overcome his analytical style are incredibly well construed.
But for now let’s focus on the character stuff.
For Sawyer, this his proper match with Ash, the last one didn’t count for him (the one were he won). This is it for real.
Similarly for Ash, this match is about showing that he is no longer held down by that insecurity and self-doubt. He trusts his Pokemon and his Pokemon trust him and together he can push them all, and Sawyer too, to even greater heights.
The match ends, Ash is victorious, Ash-Greninja overcomes Mega Sceptile when it previously fell against Sceptile. His strength is borne not from strength itself, but from the trust between his Pokemon and himself.
Sawyer is understandably frustrated, losing is frustrating, but he also accepts that this means he still has a long way to go and inspires him to keep aiming for the sky.
The two acknowledge the match and the outcome and accept one another. Their rivalry is not over, Sawyer still intends to one day surpass Ash, but it has reached a temporary conclusion that both are presently satisfied with.
Following this we are granted an intermission before the final match. Where Ash and his friends gain some insight into Alain, where Ash and his friends meet Mairin for the first time and where Lysandre begins to make his moves. Which is where we need to talk about.
Intermission: Team Flare and the Structure of the XY Series
Whilst the League is in intermission I would be remiss not to talk about the structure of the XY series as a whole as there are important differences between it and prior series that separate the two and factor heavily into how the final match plays out.
The XY Dub, in what I consider to be one of its most critical faults, separates the four Mega Evolution Specials into a separate ‘special episode’ list that excludes them from the majority of broadcast orders or streaming sites. This is a fault because said specials are utterly essential for the plot of the XY series (for the writers part and not the fandom because they didn't care at all). Whilst it seemingly starts the same as other series, XY’s central plot is not about the Gym Circuit in the way other series are (but for ash story the gyms ARE important not for Alain's story). That much is evident by the time of XYZ and this is heavily due to Team Flare’s and Alain’s setup during the Mega Evolution Specials. Greninja’s power, Alain’s loyalty, Olympia’s prophecy, Team Flare’s actions, all pointing towards an ultimate showdown at the end of the series.
Crucially, unlike with DP, who’s character arcs were centred on the Sinnoh League and Grand Festival, XY’s central character arcs are also centred on this showdown.
Ash’s reaffirmation, Alain’s obsession with strength, Serena’s confidence and independence, all come into play during or after the Team Flare Arc. The Team Flare Arc appears to be the (intended) climax of the series, not the League. And thus, the League’s decisions must always be made in consideration with how they set up the characters and the plot for the climax of the series. And thus the Kalos League ended being a fundamentally different purpose in the narrative of XY than in any previous or subsequent series.
but it is shown through Lysandre and Ash’s discussion during the League itself, that the series’s focus wasn't very clearly on the subsequent arc (because of things I will mention later will probably mention later if i don't forget) now Whether you conceptually agree with a series structured like this is up to you, but you cannot fault it for failing to execute a League centric series when that was never its intention, because of wanting to have 3 separated stories to begin with (ash, Alain and team flare stories respectively).
With that in mind, let’s consider…

Kalos League Victory, Ash’s Ultimate Match
Ash vs Alain, the controversial climactic final match of the Kalos League and the thing the League had been building to. This match is super important for both characters and not solely because of their clash of aces in the final moments (Which we will discuss). A peak Ash is the one and only trainer Alain has been looking forward to fighting. The obstacles are out of the way now and his goal is at long last within his reach. Unlike with Sawyer, who controlled the momentum of the match but who’s team was substantially weaker in raw strength. Ash and Alain are nigh equally matched, and not only that, both characters are enjoying the match, which for Alain is a big deal given every prior match was merely an obstacle to be disposed of.
Alain even brings out his ace to take out Pikachu after he proves himself an incredibly dangerous threat to the rest of Alain’s team (which is kinda dumb considering the type disadvantage and that he could have lost thanks to that).
Even Goodra’s seemingly lacklustre performance is not as bad as claimed, after all, Goodra’s rain dance allows Greninja to take down Bisharp and to go into the final match undamaged (but let's be real goodra should have won against bisharp.
And down to the final matchup. Ash-Greninja and Mega Charizard X. The controversial result of which is enough to ruin the League for some (but people being mad is fair because the series wasn't good at telling the story).
Why the Loss Makes Sense (for Alain's character and not ash): The start of the Team Flare Arc
sadly thanks to this lose, Ash-greninja's arc ended being ruined because of Alain's character arc (will touch that in a bit), whilst Alain’s has lead him to desire winning and proving his status as the strongest above all else (when even Alain himself admitted that wasn't his goal).
And the climax ash character arc in the series was the League, now would be the perfect opportunity to grant Ash the win.
But it’s not, it never has been, and all the League does must be in service of the overall narrative of Alain's character arc and not ash charcter arc.
Ash’s loss doesn't makes sense for ash character at all, but it works for Alain's character arc, because for ash it was the ultimate demonstration of what he’s learnt, both how far he’s done since his loss in the Indigo League and what he’s learnt from Wulfric’s match. Winning isn’t everything, losing is just as valuable...at least some times.
like I said just above, the win means something for Alain’s character arc too. Alain wins, he does it, he attains his goal (beating ash), he proves he’s the strongest in his eyes (even tho he didn't wanted to be the strongest). He battles and defeats Ash at full power. He’s finally strong enough… right?
Of course we know that isn’t the case. The Team Flare arc begins and Alain realises he’s been helping Team Flare the whole time.
And it all comes crashing down. And whilst Alain is stuck there, frozen, unable to react in any way. Ash, the one who he beat, the ‘weaker’ trainer, is able to stand up for the sake of the world when he, the ‘stronger’ one was unable.
And it all comes crashing down, his worldview, his supposed strength. All he did, the heights he achieved, it was all meaningless.
And that’s how Alain realises it’s not all about power or physical strength, because Ash has something different that he never had, and that was the reason he was unable to save Chespie and Mairin.
So whilst Alain won the final league match. Ash ultimately proves himself to be the better trainer in the way that really matters (for Alain's character arc because we all know ash was going to stand up anyways). Strength of character, willingness to stand up for ones beliefs and friendship. His ability to lift others up and his respect for the dreams of others not his own allows him to stand up to Lysandre for the sake of all those people's dreams, which gives him a strength that Alain does not possess.
But together, Ash and Alain manage it, in a way Alain was never capable of doing on his own. They manage to stop Lysandre and save both Kalos and the world.
It’s wonderfully poetic and the perfect conclusion to their character arcs and it requires Ash to lose the Kalos League, this is factually wrong because it never was poetic and it wasn't a perfect conclusion at all (Unless stomping the main character is a way to end his arc)
If Ash Won (and why his arc was ruined)
Ok, so let’s say for the sake of argument, we give Ash the win instead. So Ash wins, great. We’ll set aside the fact his whole arc was about how winning isn’t everything and thus handing him the Kalos League win reduces the impact of that arc for some people but it really doesn't.
also ash winning doesn't completely demolishes Alain’s arc at all. Without the win, Alain’s already questioning his strength, Ash’s stand against Lysandre doesn’t prove anything to Alain because Ash is the stronger trainer in Alain’s eyes because he won and Alain will most likely stay at Lysandre side a bit longer.
Now some may argue that’s worth it, because the League wasn't the climax of the series, because the villain arc was (sadly this is true) and unlike OS-BW, XY’s climax sadly isn’t the Kalos League, it always was the Team Flare Arc (which hurts to admit it let's me real). Gutting the character moments in the Team Flare Arc for the sake of the League actually could work and it doesn't do damage to the entire narrative of the series.
I understand people’s disappointment in the result, in the wider series, Ash had already lost five times prior and the marketing did seem to imply a victory. But separating that disappointment from the narrative of alaons character and the xyz series itself is crucial, from what I saw in the series, I believe it’s clear the XY series wouldn't be narratively hurt by a Kalos League victory.

Pacing: Why Astrid was Unnecessary
Now I’ve heard people criticise the Kalos League by arguing that it was ‘incomplete’ or needed more battles. Citing this one as an example of such.
I must preface this by explaining that the Kalos League would be in no way hurt by the battle were it added. My reply is not directed at those that would’ve thought the battle with Astrid would’ve been cool. Merely those who believe the league to be insufficient due to a lack of battles.
As I have explained above what I perceive to be the purpose for pretty much every single match in the current existent Kalos League. So I ask, what would a full Astrid match actually add that isn’t already covered by an existing battle.
I feel beyond giving Ash’s Pokemon more screen time there’s no benefit to the actual narrative of Alain's arc to be gained from this match and so, whilst it would be cool to see it, it is not necessary and the Kalos League isn’t ruined due to not having it. (This applies to other such proposals such as an opening ceremony or various other matches).
To put it simply, the Kalos League possesses every single element it needs to be successful and serve its function in the wider narrative of Alain's arc and team flare arc but sacrificing ash arc at the end
Conclusion
I hope I have explained, to the best of my ability of writing (because I know I suck at writing wall texts), why I believe the Kalos League works only for Alain's arc and not ash's arc and why many main criticisms of the League miss the very point of alain winning League in regards to its wider role in the XY series and the overall narrative of said series, like when people criticism Alain or ash when they don't get the arcs at all.
Again, this is not to say that the league is perfect and that it totally doesn't stomps on ash story of being a Pokemon master, merely that a main few criticisms are drastically overplayed and distract from actual discussion about the Kalos League and XY Series as a whole, including more legitimate criticisms, but all of this is mostly on the writers for not knowing how to make the story understandable for people.
post data: I most say that I don't want to make an argument with people and such I only wanted to explain things but if I left something out I can of course answer any question that I get (please don't hate me or ban me for this sub because of this)
Edit: I have to say that I don't hate Alain at all He is one of my favorites but I didn't like how they handed his character at all.
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2023.05.30 05:59 Sudden_Raspberry6136 how’d i do?

how’d i do?
honey berry backwoods
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2023.05.30 05:57 michaelwoff214 Seeking Paypal/CashApp/Zelle donations for legal aid expense (Retainer)

Well this was suggested for me to do considering the desperate circumstances I find myself in. I'm looking for Paypal or CashApp or Zelle donations to use for a $5,000 retainer to hire legal counsel! And here's why...
I will be brutally honest even though the truth may turn people from wanting to help due to the stigma and stereotypical mind sets people seem to carry towards those that suffer from drug addiction and mental health issues. I suffer from a mental health diagnosis called shizo-effective depressive type. I also had a heroin addiction for many many years. In 2017 I had been on methodone for several years at a 50mg daily dose at your local friendly methodone clinic. I also drank daily, Id buy a fifth of Captain Morgan on my way home from work everyday. Id drink about 3/4 of this fifth daily after work. For years this went on all the while I worked doing basement waterproofing 6 days a week, running a jack hammer daily or digging huge deep holes around the outside perimeter of homes. I rented a small apartment a mile away from the beach, had a live in girlfriend, paid all my bills with simply one paycheck out of the monthly 4 pay cycles. Life was seemingly perfect! Compared to my earlier years of homelessness and heroin addiction. Slept in abandoned houses on the east side of Detroit, drug houses, homeless shelters and warming centers in the winter months. I committed retail frauds daily to support my drug habit, to eat, to support every financial need I had. Inevitably I did alot of time in county jails. Visited over 12 county jails and was a repeat customer at several of the jails. I spent approximately 5-6 years incarcerated in county jails. Then despite my crimes being non-violent, petty in nature, low class misdemeanors and felonies... The judges grew tired of my revolving door antics seemingly serving 90 days in jail out for 90 back in for 90 for over 5 years this went on. With quite a few 6 month sentences and a couple 1 year sentences. After being viewed as a career criminal with no regard for the law I was sent to prison, twice actually! I served almost 6 years total with the M.D.O.C. AKA Michigan prisons. For a grand tally of almost 11 years of incarceration on the installment plan, in pieces not straight 11 years. Moving forward I got out in 2012 and turned over a new leaf after serving 3 years for stealing 10 cans of baby formula from the local Kroger market. I went on what they call M.A.T. (medicated assisted treatment) methodone. This is viewed as a "harm reduction" module, basically for the severely addicted that have a very difficult time accumulating any clean time what so ever! Methodone gave me what I imagine people would refer to as a normal life. I worked, I rented a place, I paid bills, I was a productive member of society for the first time in my life at age 30. I landed a job with the local 687 carpenters union out of Detroit worked as an apprentice on commercial cooling towers. I attended apprenticeship school, or trade school once a week for 8 hrs and collected $19 an hr to sit in class. I had a pension, an annuity, top class health insurance with an Express Scripts debit card that collected $120 a month to use toward prescriptions, doctor appts, copays etc. Life was grand I was finally proving myself to be more than the stereotyped street addict career criminal. Moving forward the carpenters union didn't pan out and unfortunately wasn't vested enough to collect any of my pension I paid into, my employer paid into for over a year. I then got into Basement Waterproofing and stuck with this trade from there on out. Well in the year 2017, 5 years out of prison now and heroin free I became ... What's the perfect adjective to use here... Complacent I suppose. Life was good had all I wanted, never went w/o. Even had the live in girlfriend situation going. Learning to step outside of my own selfish self-centered geared mentality. Into a loving compassionate individual that did my best to provide, support, love another human being. This was foreign territory for me absolutely! As before the world evolved around me me me. Safe to say I was growing and learning to live "normal" (despise that reference but seemingly fits here). I in fact was doing so well I decided I no longer needed to be on methodone and if I'm gonna stop that I may as well not drink either! I cold turkey approached a 50mg daily 5 year dose of methodone and quit drinking almost the daily fifth of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. Now here in lies the confliction and perhaps even someone could view as controversial because I claimed to be growing and living my best life yet I was taking a strong narcotic medication and drinking daily on it! However I view this in a relative standpoint, in comparison to the way I lived prior ... Street junky retail fraud extradenair in and out of incarceration, not to mention around 20 inpatient substance abuse rehabilitation centers. So in comparison to that lifestyle I did view myself as experiencing "my best years." In fact I would still argue that logic, despite my own mother not seeing it in that perspective. Which brings me into mental health and my schizo-effective major depressive and substance abuse severe diagnosis. The classic coined term Dual Diagnosis, suffering from drug addiction and mental health issues. So to back it up briefly and quickly move forward with this because I'm honestly not wanting this to be long in the sense of people dont even contemplate reading it. But yes my decision to quit drinking and abruptly quit methodone against doctors advice to gradually wean down to a near 0mg dosage . I had made up my mind and couldn't of been more ready to see this thing thru! Well I'd say it was 10 days into my detox (methodone is a long drawn out detox due to a "half-life" term that basically means the medication builds up in your system and takes forever to not only complete a detox, but to simply feel like your self again) it gets in your bone marrow and does NOT see itself out as normally as say other drugs would! In fact I would argue that after being on methodone long term that you never fully recover from that. Simply put you never quite feel the same again, that the daily "norm feeling" is far from normal anymore. It is common knowledge that fatigue, depression, and for me, being in a never-ending state of not ever again experiencing pleasure in mundane things that (here we go again) normal people find joy in. There is no drive to do anything, to go anywhere, or simply go out and enjoy the company of socializing and interacting with other people, even loved ones. Simply put it is very difficult to find pleasure in anything, with no high or low emotions rather like being stuck at a constant medium. Combine that with chronic fatigue and a general baseline of feeling depressed. That is what it is like to come off a synthetic opiate that you took daily for 5 years or better! But I haven't even started on the mental health aspects of my experience. Back to the point of being about 10 days into my detox... I experienced what they call a drug induced psychosis. Which was basically like being schizophrenic but times 10. I was in such a state that when I watched T. V. I was being sent subliminal messages from corporate America trying to indirectly turn me on to something that was extremely important but yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand "what the TV was truly trying to tell me." When I put music on I was convinced that the artists I was listening to had a direct feed into my personal life and were rapping about me, again sending me messages. When I walked down the street the traffic in the road was deliberately trying to lead me somewhere that I needed to follow or sometimes avoid. I mean it is very difficult for me to put in words what I experienced because it's like trying to write something that makes absolutely no sense, but then try to make the reader understand what I was experiencing and trying to explain. Another thing I recall was people around me in stores or wherever they would be on there cell phones talking but they weren't actually talking to anyone on their phones they were indirectly talking to me. Ill stop there with the attempted explanation of what a psychosis was like, I'm sure the reader can see it's basically going from never having any psychological issues to becoming absolutely crazy! It's like the most intense self-centered experience one could ever go thru. As everything, the traffic, people, music, television literally everything surrounding you is directed at you! As if the entire world is circulating around you because everything that happens has to do with someone or something directing a message or a signal to you. Basically I lost my fuckin mind ok. I went from never having any mental health issues perhaps a little situational depression due to my life choices, my addiction, being incarcerated etc. But nothing worthy of note nothing pre-existing here that got triggered in my detox. It wasn't like that, I wasn't previously even slightly off my rocker then thru detox it enhanced it. No it was more like being completely normal experiencing what I was considering my best life to being completely utterly insane! So naturally 3 weeks into this I had lost my job, my car broke down, and I wasn't leaving my apartment at all. It progressed and got worse for a period of, no exaggeration here, almost 3 years. I moved back in with my mother and step father in 2017. Having lost everything I worked for and accumulated, even my pets! My family thought I was gone beyond repair that I would never be myself again. I went to the psychiatric hospital a few times and they couldnt even explain what had happened or the why I ended up in such a long state of insanity. Id say it was about 2020 at which point community mental health workers had been coming to my mom's place 3 times a week to check in on me. I had been taking a medication called Abilify for quite some time at this point. And I don't know hard to elaborate on but I just kinda started to snap out of it. Then eventually I did completely snap out of it and I was wonderfully sane and capable of sitting down and having a rational conversation again. The catch was severe depression lingered, a depression that was more intense than the horrible adjustment phase of not having methodone to jump start brain synapses, and working with a completely deleted amount of dopamine and serotonin levels. It became my personality a general baseline of depressed. Sane again yes but depressed to the extreme of finding little to no pleasure in doing things. Sleeping 12 hours a day, chronic fatigue... Basically discontented at all times. At this point of my life I had been out of prison for 11 years, had 0 police contact, no problems with drug abuse at least not on the level of being anything remotely close to a street junky.
So this turned out to be way longer and more detailed then I had originally intended this to go. I'm writing this for a purpose because I am currently in trouble and I honestly do need financial assistance to acquire legal representation. A situation I never ever thought I would be in again. As I had over 10 + years outside of living in such a miserable existence of constantly worrying about being incarcerated or worrying about my next fix. So anyway I'm sharing my story here to first of all present an honest persective into my life. Yes I struggled for many years but I never once went into the how i got into heroin at age 17. I didn't play the point my finger at the adult game that turned me and my best friend onto the drug telling us it was only ketamine that is essentially non addictive. That I used heroin for the duration of a year before I new it was heroin. Finding out too late because I was already in a state of being chemically dependent. That it was in fact my best friend thru middle and high school, his older brother that turned us onto becoming junkies and mislead the whole way into thinking we were doing a drug that doesn't have serious addictive properties. I mean there are so many blame games I coulda orchestrated in this writing, perhaps sharing my own father being a crack addict that routinely embarrassed me in high school by going on crack binges then coming over to like my girlfriends house and trying to manipulate money outta them. Or having me in the car with him as a kid while he smoked crack telling me to turn my head while he blasted away 50 dollar rocks filling the entire car with crack smoke. My point is yes there was learned behaviors I picked up at an early age that perhaps made me more susceptible to turning out the way I did. Or the trauma I experienced as a child that had me running to drugs to get high at 13 years old. There were so many contributing factors but the simple truth is despite all that stuff, the trauma and learned behaviors all the things the licensed therapists will play on and then tell u it's not your fault. Well I kinda disagree with all that because no one forced me to do the things I did, I made a conscious decision every day in doing the things I did until it completely spiraled outta control and my life became completely unmanageable. Textbook powerlessness over the ability to simply say no and to just stop using. I couldn't do that, I still can't do that I have to be on medication to balance myself out if I'm not using. Because I dont feel normal or happy when I'm not on my medicine in fact I'm out right miserable. Which brings me to the current perdictment I'm in, with the legal issues. To get to the point of summing this up after 12 years of no legal trouble I did end up being charged with a felony. I had given an old friend a ride and he stashed a meth pipe in my truck, that had been there for over 6 months without my knowledge until the day came where I was pulled over. And with my history when I get pulled over they search my vehicle every time! And yes this happened and they find this meth pipe and apparently meth is like the worse drug in the world to be charged with. Over having a meth pipe in my truck I was charged with felony possession of methinphetamines. I go to court and because of my past the charges from over 12 years ago, it enhanced my sentencing guidelines. I was told I was going to do anywhere from 5 months to 41 months, for this pipe found that wasn't even mine. And it mattered not that all this time had went by where I didn't get in trouble and did well for myself. So with looking at prison again, and having mental health problems now being a bit older and settled down... I completely panicked over the ideal of long term incarceration again. So I signed up for the mental health court program which is basically the same thing as drug court for those that are familiar. And I did 18 months on this program of seeing the judge every single week to check in with status reports. Going to take drug tests 3 times a week. Doing mandatory counseling 5 days a week at community mental health on top of seeing my recovery coach once a week and my therapist once a week. To top it off with 5 NA/AA meetings a week. I did all this for 18 months only had 6 months of this intense probation left to go. Then my uncle died of lung cancer and the man was like a father figure to me. I relapsed and I can't really explain the why, it was like I was in a state of just not caring being so lost with grief is a overbearing thing idk but yes I relapsed. I immediately told on myself, told my therapist told the judge told everyone on the mental health team. And the judge was not happy I told her I had a rehab set up and I could get in that very next day. I went on to tell her that there was a 90 day program they offered at this facility and I was aiming to get into that. She then completely cut me off said I was to go there I was to do not a day less than 90 and if I deveaated in any way she would take me off this jail diversion mental health program that I would be resentenced on original charge and basically it wouldn't be good! And I do know from experience in my dealings with the judicial system and being around other inmates hearing there stories, that when put into one of these jail diversion/ sentence diversion programs like mental health court or drug court.. that if you sign up for it then end up messing it up not completing for whatever reason that they go to the very high end of your sentencing guidelines and give you every bit of time they are permitted to according to your scoring sheet.
Coming to conclusion here I went to this program and IMMEDIATELY found out that the 90 day program they offered was merely for a select few individuals that there was never bed space to get into it and unfortunately you had to of been from that same county receiving funding from that particular county in order to get accepted into it! So I was a far ways off from even being remotely close to being eligible for this 90 day program that my judge demanded me to do. Then I find out my program is only a 2 week program which is a far ways off from 90. And I knew my judge wasn't gonna wanna hear any kinda excuses or reasons. So what I did was I did 2 weeks then I applied for 2 week extensions at the end of my 2 week funding period. Long story short here I got 7 weeks in and then my funding source decided that was sufficient and I wasn't getting anymore funding for additional time there in the program. So I panicked and I ended up calling medicaid switching my address to a local address then I called the local funding source for inpatient rehabs and I gave them this new local address. Well they issued me more funding to stay and I thought I was good, no worries. Few days later I'm being told that I have to zoom in for mental health court that day which was not routine at all as I had been there 8 weeks almost at that point and never had to zoom in because the judge new I was in rehab. So I zoom in to court the judge tells me that I'm to leave the rehab and report immediately the following Tuesday to court for resentencing that I was being kicked of the program because I was no longer a resident of Lapeer county. I tried to explain and I was shunned wasnt allowed to explain then I got hung up on whole on the zoom app. I immediately call my therapist because she's part of the mental health court team. She tells me that in changing my address and using it to fasely acquire funding for medical services in a fraudant way was in fact a felony. Then she said that she was sorry but there was nothing she could do for me that the judge was gonna resentence me. So my life flipped upside down immediately here I am in rehab going on almost 8 weeks doing great participating the best I could attempting to get the most I could outta the experience so I could get out stay clean and move forward with my life and be off the court probation thing it under 6 months. To my reality becoming I'm not going to do 41 months in prison over a meth pipe which is technically a paraphernalia ticket but they trumped it up to a felony and now I have to go back after 12 years of being out. I stressed and stressed and stressed then I ran. I didn't go to court because honestly I'm scared to death over the idea of going back to prison. I struggle with mental health problem now, I'm older and simply just not the young healthy person l was when I had to go in last time! I convinced myself that I wouldn't mentally be capable of enduring that again in the current state of my well-being. And I left the trailer I own because staying there woulda been me being arrested with in a week. So now here I am staying with a friend no money no job no where to go family mad at me and im looking at 41 months :( .
I need help I'm trying to raise 5 grand to retain this lawyer that already knows the ins and outs of my whole case. And believe he can get me a deal to no prison time! Which is a miracle because as of now I'm looking at 41 months! So we're talking roughly 30 months being shaved off for an expense of 5 grand! That is worth the money it's worth me doing something like this that I would under normal circumstances not even think about writing my personal life to be painted on the internet for the world to see. And maybe just maybe a few individuals out there that have the means to help people financially will read this and decide I've suffered enough in my life time already and won't wanna see me go do 41 months in prison!
That's all I got, if your in a position where u can donate to my freedom clause GREAT, it's more than appreciated! If ya can't help well I hope you enjoyed the short version of my life story.
ASKING FOR CASH APP DONATIONS AT $shortchange214 IS MY CASH APP TAG NAME... MIKE W
OR ZELLE DONATIIONS USING THE EMAIL [email protected]. (lowercase letters in email)
FINALLY PAYPAL DONATIONS USING EMAIL [email protected] ( use lowercase letters)
God bless and thank you for your time and consideration if nothing else!
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2023.05.30 05:57 Few-Pea1480 🤷🏽‍♀️had to be said sorry

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2023.05.30 05:50 Drakolf Dragon Rising- 4. Counsel:

It was called disassociation, the change in my life had been so traumatic that I just... kind of existed, largely doing things on autopilot, only engaging in things when necessary.
I hadn't wanted to be a Kobold, part of me kept thinking, 'this isn't real, I'm going to wake up any moment now'. But I never woke up to anything but this reality. Rather than tackle this like a normal, sane person, I just withdrew and didn't engage.
"Hello, I'm Ruuk." I said. "I haven't exactly been here the past year and some."
The way everyone welcomed me to the warren, not like a stranger finally being accepted, but as a family member who was gone for far too long- It felt good to just... connect.
While I sequestered myself to my shack on the edge of town, the warren had been organizing, fixing things up, just generally working their asses off to make things as comfortable as possible for people. The result was kind of an anachronistic mess, but it worked. Roads had been turn up and repaved, taking a mess of a car-reliant town and streamlining it so people could actually walk from place to place.
The Artificers had taken cars apart and reused the tools to make a tramway that was convenient for everyone. Why bother with cars when half of us can't even reach the pedals? With the restructuring of the town building by building, done simply because it needed to be done, the surrounding houses could be utilized more efficiently.
The reason why my house was largely untouched was because it was still my house, there was no committee ruling that demanded I give it up. It was understood that I'd know what I wanted to do with it when I was finished being a hermit.
Well, more than a handful of people suggested I just have a full-on mage tower, I realistically didn't need that much space, and even then, the things I wanted to keep were so few that having an entire four-story house to myself with more rooms than I realistically needed.
"Besides, when you get to Level 15, you can create your own demiplane." Tudru, the Fighter, remarked.
The plans for such a hypothetical mage tower put it toward the center of the town, just north of the central tramway. It would be convenient to get to me, and it would be convenient for me to go anywhere.
"Plus, well, we've been wanting you to be the Sorcerer on the Council." Goss, the Sorcerer, remarked.
"The what on the what?" I asked.
The Council, as I understood, was comprised equally of Humans and Kobolds. Kobolds with a set Class were put into a position to discuss the needs of the town. No matter who it was, no matter the Class, there was a representative, even if they were the only one present.
There was no Sorcerer Councilor yet, in spite of us being fairly common.
"Why me?" I asked after being given a significantly less truncated explanation.
"Because you're the most competent one out of all of us, are unbound by preconceived notions of how things work." Goss replied. "I mean, I would have never thought of using Magic Missile on that boulder, or staggering the hits like that so nobody got hurt."
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I mean, anyone could have done it." I said.
"The fact of the matter, Ruuk, is that most of us have assumptions based on a bunch of books in a situation that we still don't really understand. I choose to believe that another world has made contact with ours, and we're the ones burdened with responsibility. That doesn't mean I am correct."
They further broke down expectations.
"I am in charge of infrastructure." Rekka, the Artificer, spoke. The goal was to transform the town into an entirely self-sufficient place. Since we were still technically under quarantine, we couldn't get supplies in or out, not without the government allowing it through. The dissemination of magic items and technology that was essential to our continued existence hinged on understanding where to put it and how to ensure it was used correctly.
Barbarians and Fighters- in spite of Kuvli and Tudru being the only ones- were in charge of town defense.
"We work in tandem to find the best solution to a threat." Tudru said. "While thus far purely theoretical, we have options for if and when monsters show up. Let's not forget the Dire Rat that came out of the mine."
"Dire Rat?" I asked.
"Big fuckers." Kuvli said. "Ever seen a nutria? That fucker you killed was even bigger."
It was understood that if monsters came about, we would need weapons. Artificers took care of that, we had a small cache of magically enhanced swords ready and available, as well as every gun in town somewhere where people could grab and react.
Bards, when we would eventually get one, would be in charge of communications and entertainment. With the quarantine in place and us having no actual income at the moment, short of going out and stealing shit, we were largely on our own with what we already had.
"I am in charge of ensuring the town's spiritual needs are taken care of, and the adjudication of our laws." Galax stated. "Given the high probability of Gods existing, and the likelihood of demons, ghosts, and other beings eventually showing up, This includes discerning which deities are existent, and which ones are not. So far, we've only had minor to moderate luck with divine magic. Prayer is necessary for it to work, as we have to explicitly petition our Gods for it every long rest."
"Aren't you biased toward Bahamut?" I asked.
"Of course." He said. "Any anyone who comes to the Temple is welcome to hear anything I have to say on the matter. The biggest problem is figuring out how it all relates."
Next was Merti. "We Druids are in charge of ensuring this town's sustainability and harmony with nature." She said. "That includes recycling materials, ethical and sustainable logging, hunting, farming... Essentially, as long as it pertains to nature, it's our duty to ensure we don't shoot ourselves in the foot."
"Well, while you're busy speaking for the trees, we're responsible for going out there and making sure nothing is coming to kill us. That and getting meat." Tatla spoke. "We're also in reserve in case of a combat situation, we defer to our Fighter and Barbarian for that."
"When we get a Rogue, they will focus on security. As the closest thing we've got to that, I've got plans set up for establishing a wall around the town, just outside the Anomaly, so that people can't just waltz right in, and to prevent any wild animals or hypothetical monsters from getting in." Nakk the Locksmith who might actually be a Rogue said. "And for the record, I've tried everything I can think of to awaken to a Class, and I'm reasonably certain Rogue isn't one." He paused. "That being said, I am offering lockpicking lessons to anyone who thinks it might help."
"Considering we just share and share alike, I don't think we need to worry about our Rogues." Someone I wasn't familiar with yet said.
The way Nakk reacted to his statement, avoiding his gaze, made me wonder why he reacted that way.
"Nakk, why do you look guilty?" I asked.
He looked at me with wide eyes, and for a tense moment, it seemed like he was about to run. I walked up to him and gently put my hand on his shoulder. "It's better to get it out now, rather than later."
He looked away. "I... I've been overcharging everyone since I moved in." He said. "On top of that, I've used my skills as a locksmith to steal from people."
He expected us to get angry, and a fair number of us did.
"Honor and Correction to the enemies of Justice and Good." Galax spoke, "Nakk, is the confession you have spoken true?"
"Y-yes." Nakk said softly.
"When you moved here, was it your intention to steal from us?"
"No." Nakk said. "I just- I had some bad debts, I was trying to escape, start a new life. But then they found me, told me if I didn't pay off the debt, they'd make me regret it. So I stole, but no matter how much I took, the debt never seemed to shrink. When we were all transformed, I was so happy because I could finally escape. They couldn't possibly hurt all of us, and with the quarantine..."
"Nakk." Galax spoke. "Is it your intention to atone for your crimes?"
Nakk nodded. "Yes."
"Then I shall ease your burden, that you no longer are swayed into such temptation." Galax took a pouch out of another pouch on his belt. "This is powdered silver." He said, several eyes widened, clearly understanding the significance of this. "Bahamut, Grandfather of Dragons, Grand Master of Flowers, Justicemaker. Before me stands a penitent soul seeking to atone for his sins against his fellow people. If he hides from you, you are the one who shall bring him into the light. If he hides his face, you are the one who shall reveal it. If his tongue betrays him against his people, you shall be the one who frees it from evil machinations."
He threw the powdered silver upon Nakk, and as he did so, he roared.
"NOMAG SVABOL UI WHEDAB RANNOX EKESS MITNE!"
The silver flashed with brilliant light that, somehow, didn't hurt to look upon, and then Nakk was engulfed in flames. Before anyone could panic, the flames swirled as if caught in a whirlwind and flew into Nakk's open mouth.
For a moment, Nakk was suspended in the air, and then he fell onto his feet, then onto his hands and knees. He gasped for breath, faint wisps of silvery fire escaping his open maw.
"What the fuck just happened?" Kuvli asked.
"That was the Atonement spell." A Player remarked. "You touch a willing creature whose alignment has changed, and if you're powerful enough, you bring them back to their original alignment. In this case, maybe neutral leaning toward evil back to good."
Galax nodded. "You have caused suffering to your people, Nakk. I have firmly put you back on the path to righteousness. You will no longer fear the reprisal of your warren, but will openly accept it. You will no longer hesitate, you will do what is necessary to make amends. Though I can do this as many times as I deem necessary, for you, this is but one chance. In the guidance of Bahmut, go forth and sin no more."
"I will. Thank you." Nakk said.
"I do not need thanks, I am simply the one who interceded on your behalf. Zhin mrith filkiati."
With that out of the way, the meeting resumed.
"Ruuk, as the Sorcerer Councilor, you would be responsible for the responsible use of magic. As every Sorcerer has unique spells, there is a level of versatility that the Warren can use. It would be your duty to advocate for your fellow Sorcerers, to ensure we do not end up taking advantage of them for our own selfish desires." Rekka said. "What do you say?"
I gave it some thought, then nodded. "I'll do it." I said.
What the Council does, as I learned, is convene every week to go over current events and how to deal with them, and occasionally plan ahead on hypothetical situations. We were each paired with a Human who was chosen by other Humans to serve as their representative on specific matters.
My partner is Dave. Dave is a Pagan, he practices magic as a form of spirituality. He is also, currently, the only Human with any level of magical skill, being able to use magic items fairly easily without it blowing up in his face.
"The only reason why I'm not a Kobold is because I want to be an Elf." He said. "I'm hoping that learning more about the Anomaly on the magical end of the spectrum of scholarly pursuit will allow us to do that." He paused. "I will also settle for Dragonborn. You and Galax are currently the best chance of either."
"Why would we want to do that?" I asked.
"Well, presently, only Kobolds are capable of magic, meaning that Humans in the Forgotten Realms are different from us."
"The what?"
"Common setting for D&D." He said. "Now, back when this was all make-believe, Earth was mentioned as being existent in the D&D multiverse, meaning that something decided to mess with us." He paused. "Look, from what I've been able to gather, Earth is in a part of the Prime Material plane that has very weak connections to other planes, we lack magic because of this. However, we are currently in a dome of sustained magic-"
"It's actually a relatively short column." I corrected.
"-which means something has connected us, and specifically us." He finished.
"Alright, so this raises several presumptions, like the notion that someone did this to us for a reason. Do you have any ideas as to what that reason would be?"
"Interplanar invasion, the astral plane bleeding into ours, maybe we're crashing into another plane, maybe a wizard got lucky. We don't have enough information."
I sighed. "Look, let's just get some work done."
We got started on requests, most of them were just questions on if a certain spell was viable for use, some were requests to run experiments with certain spells. With Dave and I debating back and forth, we got them done by the end of the day.

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2023.05.30 05:36 skeriphus On the Nature of Sorcery: Chapter 0.2 — Tea Time.

Motivation — A Close Reading of Tea Time

"I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking: maybe six feet ain't so far down?"
Nimander Golit
Chapter V of Weathered
2002 BS
Click Here for the Introduction to the essay series.

Prelude to the Close Reading

Why, hello there, again. It’s been a few weeks but I promise that this endeavor is still moving forward. For those that don’t know, this essay is a part of a collection I’ll be putting together which investigates the Eleint, their blood, and sorcery within the Malazan shared secondary universe. We’re still laying down our foundations, and today we’ll be covering a sequence of scenes in Chapter 8 of Toll the Hounds.
My intentions were to cover all of the scenes in a single post, but that has proven itself to be difficult. As such, I’ll cover the first scene in this sequence in this post. There’ll be one or two follow-up posts.
There are ten scenes that are in this sequence:
  1. Nimander 1
  2. Desra 1
  3. Desra 2
  4. Skintick 1
  5. Desra 3
  6. Nimander 2
  7. Desra 4
  8. Kedeviss 1
  9. Nimander 3
  10. Kedeviss 2
I’ll be approaching these scenes (including the one discussed today) through a few lenses.

A ringing of bells.

In his musings on writing, Erikson discusses the notion of a bell. I’ll let him speak for himself.
In the scenes we’ll be looking at, some of the bells that I believe are used are (and not all of these are represented in this first particular scene):

Existentialism.

Particularly the genealogy of continental philosophy that led to Sartre’s existentialism and the shared/adapted/bifurcated philosophies of his contemporaries (such as de Beauvoir, Camus, and Merleau-Ponty). This wasn’t my initial intention when I decided to use this sequence of scenes as a launch pad into my collection of essays. However, the beauty of close-reading is that you go into a text with a hypothesis seeking evidence and support, and then end up with new insights.
Some of the concepts that will be brought up are:

Genre conventions as grammar.

Particularly, we’ll look at Erikson’s use of genre conventions from the likes of Gothic literature and Weird Fiction — namely the Sublime, cosmic horror, and the Weird — as the subtle language used to convey tension that is congruent with some of the other subtexts. If these grammars are subverted, we’ll try to point that out too.
We will later delve more into Malazan’s literary genealogy in other essays, but I want this lens to be present during the reading to see how Erikson aligns or subverts these genre conventions.
We’ll be using Professor Michael Moir’s YouTube lectures on Weird Fiction as reference.

What the fuck is happening?

This is a question about plot that I will answer at the end of all of the scenes, but keep it in mind as we go through. It has less to do with existentialism and Gothic literature and more on what Gothos was trying to do during these scenes.

Pre-TtH Context

We first meet Nimander and his siblings (unnamed) in House of Chains on Drift Avalii. By Bonehunters, they had left Drift Avalii and ended up at Malaz City, where they then joined Tavore Paran’s fleet while fleeing Malaz City. In Reaper’s Gale, we find the siblings had been ‘adopted’ by Sandalath while they traveled to Lether with the Malazans. Phaed wanted to kill Sandalath. Nimander stopped Phaed from killing Sandalath. Withal (Sandalath’s husband) throws Phaed out a window. The murder is taken as a suicide. The siblings intern Phaed and then meet Clip, who offers to lead them to Anomander in Black Coral via Kurald Galain.
This gets us to Toll the Hounds, where Nimander is being haunted by Phaed. They’ve left Kurald Galain and are now on Genabackis (but not yet to Black Coral). Nimander fears the future meeting his father and the rest of the Tiste Andii. The siblings and Clip ‘stumble’ on Morsko, where Clip is curious about its cult of the Dying God. A ritual takes place there. Nimander and Skintick are nearly enthralled, but are saved by Aranatha (and thus Mother Dark herself). The group then find Clip, who is in a coma. They collect him, and set off in a wagon to follow the Dying God’s priests to Bastion. Along that journey, the siblings stumble upon the High King, Kallor, who reluctantly chooses to not kill them and instead travels with them.
The sequence of scenes in Chapter 8 that we’ll be discussing follows some time after Kallor joins the siblings.
Now that the administrative stuff is out of the way, let’s dive into the first scene.

Nimander 1

Rum-induced memories.

We start this sequence thrust into Nimander’s introspection on ‘rage’ as a breaking of a vessel, impossible to fix. He recalls Deadsmell’s musings that ‘rage in battle’ was a gift while the two drank rum. Rum that awakened memories once ignored by Nimander.
(Note: in Scene 2, we’ll see Desra’s view of Nimander, and we’ll see that Nimander’s ruminations on rage here are what inform Desra’s view of him, and not in the way that Nimander’s doubt imagines.)
In the previous post, we discussed memories and their decay. So much of this series and the lore surrounding it is driven by the memories of ancient beings. Nimander is younger with respect to ancient beings (but ancient nonetheless), and even he struggles with his memories. Perhaps this is a result of the traumas he’s experienced with respect to his being in diaspora and perceived abandonment by his father (a symmetry itself with Rake’s — and the Tiste Andii as a whole — relationship with Mother Dark).
He recalls the rum lighting “a fire in [his] brain, casting red light on a host of memories gathered ghostly round the unwelcoming heart.” He reminisces on the time after Kurald Galain (but before Drift Avalii) and his father’s emotional indifference. He recalls the pranks him and his kin would pull on Endest Silann; the arrival of Andarist and his arguments with Anomander. It is unclear what the arguments were — if you’ve read Forge of Darkness, you might be able to infer what’s likely, but I’m curious if the argument is Andarist asking to take the siblings and Anomander refusing, or Anomander asking Andarist to take the children and Andarist was reluctant? Was the argument about Anomander thrusting the Hust blade, T’an Aros/K’orladis (i.e., Vengeance / Grief), onto Andarist or did Andarist already possess the blade? We don’t know exactly to my knowledge, but it’s fun to speculate.
Regardless, Nimander recalls, like a certain inscribed hearthstone, there was peace. Andarist was to take them all through a threshold, a portal elsewhere (as mentioned, portals end up being a rung bell, so pay attention). Nimander remembers Endest’s weeping as the children were pulled through a “portalway into an unknown, mysterious new world where anything was possible.”
Andarist raised the Tiste Andii children on that portal’s other side, on Drift Avalii. We know (or can infer) that this was a task to protect the Throne of Shadow, but Nimander and his kin didn’t understand this as children. But Andarist led them with his pragmatism, he ensured they learned how the world was. With our knowledge of Kharkanas, this is so powerful. We know Anomander’s hubris was abused as a motivating factor for Hunn Raal’s despicable acts. We know that Andarist likely lacks children of his own in response to this, and so his taking on guardianship over the children of his brother — that very same brother that rejected Andarist’s grief in favour of vengeance (and materialised in the T’an Aros/K’orladis dichotomy) — is a stark, challenging, and ultimately selfless decision.
But this pragmatism created child soldiers. The collision of reality’s necessity to survive and carry out the duty of protecting the Throne of Shadow came at the expense of what little remaining childhood innocence Rake’s brood still had (even as a people on the run, exiled from their home due to a sociopolitical schism). Andarist became a stern teacher, juxtaposed to the echoes of Endest’s gentleness. “The games ended. The world turned suddenly serious.” Nonetheless, the Tiste Andii siblings grew to love Andarist.
Nimander continues his introspection:
See a bored child with a stick — and see how every beast nearby flees, understanding well what is now possible and, indeed, probable.
This reminds me of a general rule of advice: ‘never fuck around when a child has gun.’ Tiste Andii or not, children can be cruel especially when mixed with unknown doses of trauma and violence. Regardless, I want to call attention here that this notion of children and beasts are each bells rung. To Nimander, Andarist “unleash[ed] them, these children with avid eyes.” He “had made them good soldiers,” ones that know rage.
Vessels broken.
As such, from his own experience, Nimander suspects that the Dying God is a child. He speaks to the dialectic between gods and their worshippers (another bell rung):
The mad priests poured him full, knowing the vessel leaked, and then drank of that puerile seepage. Because he was a child, the Dying God’s thirst and need were without end, never satiated.
The group stumbles on desiccated bodies staked among fields: dried up, tapped of their libations. This speaks to a particular exploitation between mortal and god, symbolised literally as worshippers feeding a god to then become the harvested. This perpetuates the Dying God’s power to accumulate more worshippers via addictive kelyk. The language here shows that the Dying God has stumbled upon a sort of cheat code, an exploitation of the god-mortal dialectic that allows him and his priests to arbitrage power. Like a cancer that, via the law of large numbers, is equipped with the mechanisms to divert a body’s resources to it while it slowly destroys the body.
The scarecrows being in fields is such a perfect choice of this analogy: things to be harvested. A product, a commodity — a thing with both use-value and exchange-value, for our Marxians out there. I believe Erikson has said that he was thinking of oil here, and that is fine by itself, but I do like the mirroring to Eucharistic transubstantiation in Catholicism (due to my being a very-very-lapsed Catholic). Especially with wine, an extremely addictive substance, transcending into God’s blood to cleanse us as cannibalistic sacrament.

Dal Honese burial practices.

Nimander sees these fields as “bizarre cemeteries, where some local aberration of belief insisted that the dead be staked upright, that they ever stand ready for whatever may come." This makes him recall some shipwrecked Dal Honese on Drift Avalii. He thinks on the ancestor cult and burial practices of Dal Hon: literally constructing their homes with their dead in the walls as both material and essence, the building stretching out with additional rooms as time moved on and kin died.
This reminds me of the Neolithic proto-city, Çatalhöyük, found in Anatolia within modern-day Türkiye where ancestors have been found to be buried beneath platforms in living quarters. See: Chapter 6 of The Dawn of Everything by Graeber and Wengrow.
With or without intention, I like to view this ritual via an existentialist lens, particularly Sartre’s notion of the Look. To Sartre — in contrast to other phenomenologies — being is in flux, some path of a given chaotic double-pendulum switching to and from poles of being-in-itself***\**1* and being-for-itself***\**2*. The Look, to Sartre, is a sort of symmetry breaking — a realisation by being-for-itselves that decentralises it, the sudden awareness of its being an object, an Other, to Other consciousnesses.
A heuristic often used to showcase Sartre’s notion of the Look (or Gaze) is that of a voyeur peeping through a keyhole into someone’s room that hears a noise down the hall. Regardless if that noise is from another person (another being-for-itself) or not (say, the house settling), the subjective voyeur suddenly objectifies themselves, collapsing the chaotic pendulum from being-for-itself (nothingness as "no thing-ness") to their facticity — their being-in-itself, their thing-ness — whose meaning to Other being-for-themselves is relative to a separate centre than the voyeur’s own.
To Sartre, the resulting anxiety experienced snapping from subject to object is a proof against any nihilistic approach to solipsism. The fact that we can Other our own being-for-itself means that we can also recognise being-for-itself external to us since those we Other too can Other us as we Other ourselves. The reflexivity as a result of the Look is evidence against solipsism to Sartre.
As a result, this Dal Honese practice is a cultural self-burdening via Sartre’s Look by literally having your ancestors clay-filled bodies decentralise your subjectivity and externalise you as an object that can be judged by its facticity. This results in a sort of collective Dal Honese being-for-others, Sartre would argue. This isn’t inherently good or bad to existentialists, but it does necessitate a calculus that discerns if the living descendants are authentically expressing their freedom with each moment they accept this practice, or if they are living in bad faith.
Regardless, though, this is a haunting of the Past. This haunting isn’t something that is only important to existentialism or other philosophical traditions (such as post-structuralism — see: Derrida’s hauntology), but to the genre conventions and tropes of Gothic horror and its descendants (such as cosmic horror, weird fiction, and their influences on sword and sorcery, etc.).
There are mappings (some more subtle than others) between the Sublime and the existential anxiety and dread experienced in phenomena similar to the Look. The experience of looking upon the vastness of the sea, of stumbling upon an ancient statue, of learning of the size of the universe — which are described as the Sublime, the Weird, or Eldritch in some literary traditions (e.g., Romantic, Gothic, Horror, the Weird, etc.) — are the same experiences that are often analysed in continental philosophies using words such as angst/anxiety/despaiabsurdity/alienation.
Nimander goes on to further expose the relationship between this Dal Honese ancestor cult and inter-tribal conflicts that lead to deaths and stolen bodies that leave physical voids in Dal Honese architecture. He muses how this physical representation of wounds begets a cycle of vengeance (a cultural tradition, a product of facticity and bad faith): “blood back and forth,” he says. He mentions that this cycle is what pushed the shipwrecked Dal Honese from their homes, an act of revolt and perhaps even authenticity to Sartre. Eventually the Dal Honese recovered and “paddled away — not back home, but to some unknown place, a place devoid of unblinking ghosts staring out from every wall.
I love that Erikson has this whole little short story in this scene, especially in the contrast of its being some rum-induced reflection by Nimander on his own past’s haunting of him and his siblings. Moreover, these Tiste Andii are travelling with Kallor, the Undying Unascendant: a being-for-itself that literally manifests the past’s haunting on the present — a man cursed, jaded, who carries the past with him wherever he travels. All of these together show that one’s freedom can have one flee (even be redeemed — which balances with other plotlines in TtH), but that doesn’t necessarily — nor sufficiently so — annihilate the past.

Finding a tower.

After this, Nimander’s reminiscing is interrupted by his hearing Kallor nearby (like a footstep in a hallway). Kallor comments on the use of the corpses and notes that the flora “[is] not even native to this world, after all.” Nimander replies that the corpses are being used for saemankelyk. The mention of the plants not being native to this world should orient the reader back to the Weird, especially since it brings upon a sense of unease, an Othering — the house settling that again serves to reduce both Nimander and the readers to our thing-ness
‘The past’ versus ‘the present’ versus ‘the future’ (and their hauntings of one another) bubble up again with some banter between Skintick and Kallor about the state of things. Kallor states ‘nothing changes.’ Skintick counters ‘it keeps getting worse,’ to which Kallor claims is but an illusion.
I find this dialogue to be a comical little conflict between Kallor’s perceived-postmodern, nihilistic judgement of the state of things being inert versus Skintick’s pseudo-Rousseauian, inverted-Hegalian, modernist grand narrative of things getting worse.
Again, it alludes to a haunting of the past on the current generation. Interestingly, this is a trend within the Book of the Fallen in general: not as an espousing of the ‘old vs. young’, but Erikson’s decentering/challenging/deconstruction of that binary. Think of Raest in GotM; Menandore, Sukul and Sheltatha in RG; Karsa in HoC; the Witness trilogy. He does this via a sort of Ancient's Hubris colliding with its differences to the Present’s Ingenuity, and this being dual to the Present’s Naivety colliding with the Ancient Wisdom.
Kallor eventually hits a sore spot with the Tiste: he brings up Rake. Unlike the Dal Honese whose freedom had them flee the cultural practices of letting their ancestors haunt both literally and figuratively, Nimander and his siblings were pulled/pushed away from their father (and people) as children — by what very well could be their father’s request. The Tiste siblings are haunted by Anomander’s active absence. Their continued distance from their father isn’t an act of expressing their freedom against an Ancestor’s Gaze — it isn’t an act of revolution — it is their facticity and a source for their Othering of themselves. We often see this from Nimander’s POVs up to and including this sequence.
Kallor sniffs out this weakness and presses upon the wound. Nimander gets flustered and retorts. To which Kallor responds:
'Anomander Rake is a genius at beginning things. It’s finishing them he has trouble with.'
Damn, Kallor.
Also, I didn’t need my ADHD called out so harshly, dude. What the fuck.
Without diving into what Erikson was dealing with while writing this book, this hits hard for Nimander, and is an interesting commentary nonetheless. His father, Anomander, is the leader of a diasporic people who’ve been without home, without a centre, for 400,000 years. I think Kallor’s words hurt Nimander so much because the Tiste siblings don’t know Anomander’s current plans nor have they experienced the "settling-down" from the unveiling of Kurald Galain in what is now Black Coral. They are unaware of Rake’s teleology for his people, for himself even. Regardless, we see again and again that Kallor isn’t just a strong skirmisher, his words cut nearly as well as his blades.
Kallor goes on to confirm that he knows Rake before the group notices a ruined tower among the alien plants and scarecrows. Kallor says its Jaghut. Kallor trudges forth indifferently, pushing corpses out of his way as he bee-lines it to the ruined tower. I don’t think such a sequence of action has ever described Kallor’s whole raison d’être and modus operandi so well: just a man seemingly indifferent to the corpses in his path as his will pulls him forward.
We get a small interaction between Skintick and Nimander that reveals Skintick’s acuity in reading Kallor’s take on Rake. Kallor sees their father as an equal (it isn’t just the readers that need to be keen to subtext, characters do too).
Skintick offers the idea of sicking Kallor on the Dying God, hoping he “decid[es] to do something for his own reasons, but something that ends up solving our problem.” I like the use of “deciding to do something for his own reasons,” as this aligns so well with authenticity in existentialism (and the absence of some absolute morality for authenticity).
As Nimander approaches the tower behind Kallor, both Nimander and the readers get a great sense of horror, the weird, the uncanny, and the sublime with how Erikson describes the scenery:
Drawing closer to the ruin, they fell silent. Decrepit as it was, the tower was imposing. The air around it seemed grainy, somehow brittle, ominously cold despite the sun’s fierce heat.
The highest of the walls revealed a section of ceiling just below the uppermost set of stones, projecting without any other obvious support to cast a deep shadow upon the ground floor beneath it. The facing wall reached only high enough to encompass a narrow, steeply arched doorway. Just outside this entrance and to one side was a belly-shaped pot in which grew a few straggly plants with drooping flowers, so incongruous amid the air of abandonment that Nimander simply stared down at them, disbelieving.
Nimander notes an incongruity of this place — its aesthetic of abandonment juxtaposed with a curated garden. “The cold despite the sun’s fierce heat.” This evokes a certain unsettledness to Nimander (and thus, the reader). These genre conventions are sources of tension and anxiety, similar to non-diegetic violins building up to a real or false jump-scare in a slasher flick.
Arrogantly, Kallor chooses to go out of his way and insult the presumed Jaghut within the tower. Classic Kallor. The Jaghut replies “nothing changes,” resulting in Kallor shooting Skintick and Nimander a “pleased smirk.”

Tea time, but before falling into a rabbit-hole and not after.

Before Kallor can announce himself, the Jaghut lists off Kallor’s titles, his facticity. Kallor’s reputation precedes him and there’s an asymmetry here in which the Jaghut knows who Kallor is but Kallor doesn’t yet know who the Jaghut is. This is our first hint that this meeting isn’t serendipitous, and is instead an intentional interaction with regards to the plot. And if this Jaghut knows of Kallor, does he know those who Kallor travels with? Who is this Jaghut’s intended audience among those options?
I also like the play here with facticity: the Jaghut lists out things about Kallor, but is Kallor some sum of those thing-nesses? How many are true, how many are manufactured myths? It’s an act by this Jaghut to Gaze upon Kallor, to show to Kallor that he’s being seen. It’s a deliberate tactic to destabilise and decenter Kallor: an offensive.
We as readers are informed of Kallor’s limitations from the Azathanai curses via Draconus, K’rul and Nightchill, but these limitations on Kallor don’t necessarily restrict his freedom until Kallor allows them.
We get a flash of Jaghut humour and guest rites — this ancient dismisses Kallor while inviting everyone in for tea. Interestingly, Erikson has this Jaghut use the proper noun of ‘Others’ which lends me to think that an existentialist lens hasn’t been the worst pick (not that ‘Othering’ is strictly existentialist by any means).
So, we’ve had corpses drained dry for kelyk, alien plant-life, a ruined tower of an unknown age stumbled upon beyond the urban, a preternatural creature to Nimander and his kin (something they’ve maybe only witnessed a handful of times) and then we get this description:
The air of the two-walled chamber was frigid, the stones sheathed in amber-streaked hoarfrost. Where the other two walls should have been rose black, glimmering barriers of some unknown substance, and to look upon them too long was to feel vertiginous — Nimander almost pitched forward, drawn up only by Skintick’s sudden grip, and his friend whispered, ‘Never mind the ice, cousin.’
Ice, yes, it was just that. Astonishingly transparent ice–
I love this. First: “it was just that” screams “no it isn’t” to anyone paying attention to the words Erikson is using to make the reader uncomfortable. We know: Jaghut + Ice = Omtose Phellack. The atmospheric setting here is directly being called out in not just a sublime way, but his description has an added layer of horror to Omtose Phellack.
Erikson uses “vertiginous,” giving both Nimander and us a sense of vertigo, being decentred and unoriented. This isn’t too different from descriptions found in works like Vandermeer’s Annihilation or other New Weird authors. This ice wall calls to Nimander, draws from him feelings of unknown when he’s caught himself staring for too long — emphasis on staring.
For all intents and purposes, this ice wall is a thing, a being-in-itself, neither active nor passive. But its effect on Nimander is similar to the Dal Honese ancestors’ Gaze — this ice wall objectifies him, calls to him, evokes his being-for-others, and emotionally alienates him. The pull Nimander feels is his submitting his being-for-itself with the freedom of those that Gaze upon him. A justification of his facticity, his bad faith. This will be important later.
Eventually we get this awesome line from the Jaghut host:
’Once, long ago, a wolf god came before me. Tell me, Kallor, do you understand the nature of beast gods? Of course not. You are only a beast in the unfairly pejorative sense — unfair to beasts, that is. How is it, then, that the most ancient gods of this world were, one and all, beasts?’
There’s so much going on to unpack in this paragraph.
Later, again, we get this Jaghut saying Others as a proper noun, and then the Others are called Tiste Andii.
‘Ah, and what of the Others with you? Might not they be interested?’
Clearing his throat, Skintick said, ‘Venerable one, we possess nothing of worth to one such as you.’
‘You are too modest, Tiste Andii.’
‘I am?’
'Each creature is born from one not its kind. This is a wonder, a miracle forged in the fires of chaos, for chaos indeed whispers in our blood, no matter its particular hue. If I but scrape your skin, so lightly as to leave but a momentary streak, that which I take from you beneath my nail contains every truth of you, your life, even your death, assuming violence does not claim you. A code, if you will, seemingly precise and so very ordered. Yet chaos churns. For all your similarities to your father, neither you nor the one named Nimander — nor any of your brothers and sisters — is identical to Anomander Dragnipurake. Do you refute this?’
Above, the Jaghut goes on to describe genetics, but also calls out the fact that they are children of Anomander — dude definitely knows more than he’s leading on, that’s for sure, and is winking directly to us readers, seemingly going over the heads of both Kallor and the Tiste. Also, the bit about chaos in blood will come up again and again in later scenes and later essays.
Moreover, we see that the Jaghut says that which he scrapes "contains every truth of you, your life, even your death" — our genetics are facticities, among our thing-nesses. "Yet chaos churns," the Jaghut rebuts. That chaos in our blood is a source of our "no thing-ness," from which we may express our freedom against the determinism of genetics — of facticities — and transcend.
For each kind of beast there is a first such beast, more different from its parents than the rest of its kin, from which a new breed in due course emerges. Is this firstborn then a god?’
I love this for two reasons. One, it speaks to a criticism of the assumption that a prime-mover is necessarily divine. But, through the existentialist lens, it’s a challenge and criticism of the presumed Authority of Genealogy. Jumping back to the early musings on ancestry: if ancestors haunt us and dictate our facticity as a result of suppressing our being-for-itself, then where does that chain of dictating/suppressing end? And is that terminus also an Authority above all generations below it just due to its being something new, something sufficiently different from its own genealogy, its ancestors ‘behind’ it?
I also like the subtext of trauma as hereditary here with the double entendre behind ‘beast’, we can think of this Jaghut as asking if the primordial source of generational trauma has authority over its descendants? What does this dialogue mean for Nimander and his siblings and their place with respect to their father and the rest of the Tiste Andii people? Does this inform an analysis of Nimander’s chaotic double-pendulum between being-in-itself, being-for-itself, and his being-for-others?
A huge thing I would like to point out here, too, is that neither Skintick, Nimander, nor Kallor have used the Tiste Andii’s names, yet this Jaghut knows them by name. Kallor could deduce they were Rake’s children, but he didn’t know their names. Even though Skintick showcased an acuity to subtext when considering Kallor’s opinions of Rake, he doesn’t catch onto this subtlety. This Jaghut not only knows of Kallor, he knows of Nimander and his siblings. The evidence that this meeting isn’t serendipity continues to build.
‘You spoke of a wolf god,’ Skintick said. ‘You began to tell us a story.’
‘So I did. But you must be made to understand. It is a question of essences. To see a wolf and know it as pure, one must possess an image in oneself of a pure wolf, a perfect wolf.’
‘Ridiculous,’ Kallor grunted. ‘See a strange beast and someone tells you it is a wolf — and from this one memory, and perhaps a few more to follow, you have fashioned your image of a wolf. In my empires, philosophers spewed such rubbish for centuries, until, of course, I grew tired of them and had them tortured and executed.’
This sequence of dialogue is fantastic and reminds me of arguments foagainst the strong/weak Sapir-Whorf hypothesis/es. We see the Jaghut musing on a seemingly prescriptive Platonic idealism that Kallor interrupts with a more descriptive, pragmatic, empirical framework in which he follows with a jest of torturing and executing philosophers (remind me to never live in the Kallorian Empire).
Kallor speaks as if his words contradict the Jaghut and show the assumed idealism to be wrong. But, by Kallor’s own argument, the Jaghut’s words of ‘pure’ and ‘perfect’ are just as empirically contingent to one’s memories as ‘wolf’ is. The combinations of signs and symbols language users use give flesh to those signs’ and symbols’ own meaning — but bury that meaning beneath the flesh by doing so. The concept of a ‘perfect wolf’ (i.e., ‘perfect’ + ‘wolf’) emerging from one’s own contingency with the notion of ‘perfect’ and ‘wolf’ is entirely possible without that imagined ‘perfect wolf’ being actually some idealisation, i.e., some Platonic Perfect Wolf.
The Jaghut responds with laughter to Kallor’s absurdity: both in his misinterpretation of the Jaghut’s musings as well as the nature of Kallor’s brutal reaction to those that question things he finds to be rubbish. This pairs well with Skintick’s future POV in this sequence, but the contrast between Kallor and this Jaghut is entertaining nonetheless. Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish when Kallor is telling the truth about his brutality or if his mutterings are just words congruent to his reputation.
The two then have a pissing contest. We find out the Jaghut was in disguise — I don’t have the evidence or time here to say, but there are ideas that this particular Jaghut is a d'ivers and it is fucking awesome even if untrue. The discussion here points to some T’lan Imass’ Jaghut War. It being the Kron, I’m inclined to wonder if there is a relationship with the bones Karsa stumbles upon in HoC (where he and his war party find Calm).
Skintick squatted to pick up two of the cups, straightening to hand one to Nimander. The steam rising from the tea was heady, hinting of mint and cloves and something else. The taste numbed his tongue.
Don’t take candy from strangers tea from Jaghut, people.
We find out that Raest is this Jaghut’s child. We find out that this Jaghut took on 43 T’lan Imass and a Bonecaster, killing them all. This is a threat rallied back against Kallor’s assertion that he’s killed Jaghut.
Teeth bared, Kallor bent down to retrieve his cup.
The Jaghut’s left hand shot out, closing about Kallor’s wrist. ‘You wounded that wolf god,’ he said.
Oh shit. What follows is one of the first times I can recall that Kallor is scared. Contrast with his earlier treatment of Rake as equal.
'Oh, be quiet, Kallor. This tower was an Azath once. Shall I awaken it for you?’
Wondering, Nimander watched as Kallor backed towards the entrance, eyes wide in that weathered, pallid face, the look of raw recognition dawning. ‘Gothos, what are you doing here?’
‘Where else should I be? Now remain outside — these two Tiste Andii must go away for a while.’
The revelation: the Jaghut is none other than the Lord of Hate himself, Gothos. You can understand why Kallor, always so arrogant, submits to Gothos and listens to his instruction.
Immediately after the reveal, Skintick and Nimander succumb to the effects of whatever extra ingredient Gothos had slipped into their tea. We get this final sequence:
Nimander’s eyes were drawn once more to the walls of ice. Black depths, shapes moving within.
He staggered, reached out his hands–
‘Oh, don’t step in there–’
And then he was falling forward, his hands passing into the wall before him, no resistance at all.
‘Nimander, do not–’
Blackness.
Again, the readers eyes are drawn along with Nimander's to the icy, abyss-like, objectifying, Gazing threshold. Here's where the sublime and the weird really flavour the setting in this scene.
There's a bell’s echo here from the start of this scene: this sequence starts with Nimander discussing the uncertainty related to moving through a portal with Andarist away from the rest of his kin, a breaching. During these final lines of this first scene, we get a tension between us and the unknown, between what has happened and that-which-is-to-come, between what we’ve imagined about Malazan’s cosmos and some contorting of those assumptions. What’s beyond the veil decentres not only Nimander in its draw and pushing him to being-for-others, but it decentres the readers too. Hic sunt dracones, terra incognita, the sublime, the enigmatic, the terror. We’re made to feel small and inconsequential by this icy threshold.
It isn’t mysterious because it evades our Gaze like other fantastical things (e.g., many renditions of some archetypal tricksters found within various folklores), instead it invites our Gaze eventually since It Gazes back (almost Nietzschean).

Thoughts

Calling back to the genre conventions, this extended scene is one that definitely plays with the established conventions of Gothic literature and its descendants. Constantly, Erikson hits us with tension sewn into his choice of words in Nimander’s ruminations, his angst associated to diaspora, the notion of Dal Honese ancestors gazing upon their descendants from clay walls, absent ancestors that too haunt the same, the fields of scarecrows as desiccated (and harvested) bodies of worshippers, the alien plant-life, the ancient Jaghut tower, the ice threshold. Each of these (and those unmentioned) add onto to the dissociation (de-centering) of both Nimander and us, the readers. Each of us seem small and inconsequential to the dynamism of the cosmos: everything we know, including that of what we already know about the Malazan universe (and our own) can be challenged. We’re each just travellers who have stumbled upon a shattered visage in the desert that reads: “My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”
This stands in contrast to — almost a revolution against — the modalities one can garnish from the Enlightenment and post-Enlightenment that favour an almost religious rationalism and positivism. This is why I believe (and hope I have shown) that the existentialist (and those schools of thought peripheral to it) lens is apt. The genealogy of Gothic literature serves as a grammatical sandbox that gives way to exploring the things that existentialism tries to frame in its study, such as the dread and anxieties — the nothingness (no thing-ness) — of being.
Not only are the Dal Honese clay-filled ancestors present to alienate the reader by entertaining a certain ‘exoticism’ (by the readers’ juxtaposing such practices against what we consider ‘normal’ — here's where Sartre is applied to White or Male Gazes), but they are there as conduits for understanding how Nimander is affected by Others, by their Looks — his siblings, his absent father, his dead uncle, Kallor, Gothos, and the icy threshold — even if this ‘othering’ is one done only by Nimander onto himself (the house settling perceived as a footfall). This becomes more important in the scenes that follow.
So, how does this relate to the Eleint, dragonblood or sorcery? If you want to know now, please read ahead in the text — i.e., he future scenes in this sequence in Chapter 8 of TtH — you’ll find out. Otherwise, I’ll attempt to provide more clarity in the follow-up post(s). Until then, I just want put forth some questions:
Beyond those questions (which align with my grander narrative shared in this collection of essays) — in regards to the plot, I think it is smart to continue asking, ‘why has Gothos ensured that Anomander’s children and Kallor would stumble upon his tower?’
1 the facticity of what can be understood as objective states ascribed to things, including social constructions — thing-ness — e.g., how things are thrown into the world, a mode of existence that simply is, the contingent being of ordinary things, such the language(s) one speaks, one’s occupation, etc.
2 the mode of existence of consciousness that stands in contrast to being-in-itself, “no thing-ness”, that which negates being-in-itself
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2023.05.30 05:36 ecesllc Tiny Village Project

MODESTO COMMUNITY ACTION ASSOCIATION has announced that they are moving forward in development for the community wide effort at batting the escalating issue of unhoused and under housed folks in the area.
Since 2014, the Modesto Community Action Association has worked with various agencies and advocacy groups to build better, more accountable programs that provide real results to this problem. The group consists of both clients and providers of these services, which we feel often need to be given perspectives more often of those who actually use these programs and services.
Our goals include a drop in center and this project, Tiny Home Village.
Our outreach is done with many people who are involved in the daily struggle to survive. We are in touch with people who are dying to be active and involved, yet have no clue where to start. We seek to unite these people in the effort to make real and lasting changes in the waya service is provided and the responsibly we have to fellow human kind to give a hand up, not out, if we have those means.
This is a three phase plan that will identify and attempt to develop a plot of land we can have through either a partnership with a landowner or real estate agent, or with the city or county, using the resources of locally based doners to build a small community of affordable tiny houses and provide the homes as long term solutions for housing.
Each would be equipped with appliances and the community would be secure, with 24/7 on site security and manager who would be also living on site. The units would require the eventual occupants to provide in kind labor and solict financial assistance, to contribute to the effort. Residents will have a case manager and a plan towards self sufficiency, with check in required to be able to stay. There would be no restriction on length of tenancy, and rent would be adjusted to the work hours they contribute to the ongoing effort to keep the community solid.
Tenants meeting every week. On site manager On site security Fully equipped 200-300 square feet units for individual or family. Phase one - demo units (4), community outbuildings, and garden, and staff units.
Family units are larger, up to 340 sq feet. Individuals can be placed in one of three 150-300 sq feet units prr initial design and budget estimate.
The current goal is to raise the funds to raise funds. A funding campaign will be available online soon. We will seek the backing of both government grants and private donations. The committee is going to start meeting on Zoom (see schedule). We are going to be expecting to appoint the replacement of our founding Board member, Lola Kennedy, who passed away after a long illness last month.
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2023.05.30 05:35 SummitEstate Financing Real Estate expansion + conversion to health care inpatient (if not with SBA 504)

Current business. - One of the best addiction treatment centers in CA. Best in the Silicon Valley (we have several decent competitors in Marin County and then the rest of the competiton is in Malibu)
Small. High End. 6 bed residential/inpatient + 30 seat outpatient. ~30 fte employees/contractors. 6m/y rev.
INITIAL PROBLEM: Vast majority (95%) of people calling us we can not service at our current pricepoint/location and we refer out. Even rather decent insurance policies. Insurance wise - Out of Network. We primariy can only accept PPO policies from people working for Big Tech.
SOLUTION: Open quite a bit larger, cheaper to run per bed, facility while providing great clincal care. ~30-40 bed. This been on my plate for a while. So in preparation I secured decent in-network contracts to fill the beds once it opens. This would at worst 3x revenue.
COMPETITION: Larger facilities, even in the immediate area in the exist. I humbly believe that we can run circles around them as far as good clinical services and still make money. I have spoken to several owners. My idea of quality that people in recovery deserve is a level or two higher.
Paths to getting a 30 bed going
1) Buy an apartment building and convert it. ~4-6 m if in San Jose area. - Hard to get SBA loan (they dont like RE) to do this as a conversion requires conditional use permit. Plus I would prefer it to be "nicer" than your run of the mill apt with 11-15 units, even nicely converted.
2) Buy a motel/hotel and convert it. SBA allows around 5m, but one of the hotels that I like is around 7m. Another around 9m.
Last I spoke with SBA lender they were more interested in me finding an already running "larger addiction treatment center" to take over. But for me the "treatment center" part is nearly irrelevant. Most sell without RE.
What are some creative ways to look for this financing that is larger in size than SBA 504?
Thank you
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2023.05.30 05:35 brownsuga-anime Hey look ma I made it

Not 1 but 2 Noble Prizes
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2023.05.30 05:28 janes_left_shoe Seeking advice- How do you deal with difficult feelings and moments as a parent/pet parent?

It’s kind of scary to even admit this, but I’m hoping that if any community on Reddit can empathize both with where I am and where I want to be, it might be this one.
I adopted a kitten in summer 2021. I was living alone, deeply struggling with depression and dissociation, and having a lovely living creature in the house with me has helped a lot. Her mom was a feral cat who wandered into someone’s backyard, and she needed a safe home. She’s my baby, and I tell her that probably ten to twenty times a day. I tell her I love her, and we slow blink at each other a lot when we’re both chilling. She gets the fanciest dry food, good vet care, spends a couple of hours a day on my lap on average, sleeps with me at night, all winter she has a heating pad going on her chair. We have meowing conversations with each other. I say all this somewhat defensively, to give some evidence to support the idea that I love her and care for her well most of the time.
But what do I actually do about the times when I resent her, get frustrated with living with her, or even wish I hadn’t adopted her? A lot of my healing at this point has to do with re-associating to the negative emotions of fear, anger, jealousy and resentment that I have been pushing away for most of my life in pursuit of being “good”. I am trying to stop telling myself that I can’t have those feelings or that I’m bad for having them, but I don’t know what to do with them when I actually accept them and let myself feel them.
For example, she is having some diarrhea right now from trying out a new food, and she is not doing a great job of cleaning her own butt afterwards, unless you count wiping poop and anal gland secretions on my rugs and bedspread as doing a great job. It’s making the house smell a little like poop all over the place, and in between my washing machine being broken and my rugs being colorful and patterned enough to hide the stains so I can’t quite find them, it feels like everything is contaminated with poop and will never be clean enough again. Usually I can deal with the fact that there is litter scattered all over my floors and it’s unpleasant to walk around in bare feet despite mitigating this with a litter mat and a rug near her box to capture the scatter, but today it’s bringing up a lot of frustration and missing the days when I only had to deal with my own, decidedly less scatological mess.
I feel for her- it’s rough on anyone, human or animal, to have tummy problems, and it’s not like I can explain to her that she’ll feel better soon or if she stays sick I’ll take her to the vet, or ask her to wipe herself on some particular towel or cloth I can wash instead of a rug. I tried shutting her out of my room last night when I found two more big wipes of poop on my bedspread, and she does sleep in the living room sometimes, but then when she was at my door in the middle of the night I felt bad and let her in.
I’m struggling this weekend with some other emotional things- feeling lonely, and feeling really uncertain in my relationship with my therapist, the one person I see every week- but otherwise, I started ketamine therapy a month ago and it’s been really successful. I’ve been able to do more, care for myself, even start to think about the future in a way that was simply impossible a month ago. But I’m afraid of these feelings causing a backslide, which to some degree might be inevitable as a pendiculation of growth and then some contraction or difficulty as part of the healing process.
It also scares me because she’s kind of like a practice child to me, and I’m terrified that I would have these feelings about a potential future human child as well, which I really want someday in my life. If I can’t deal well with them, in thirty years, will my kid be posting on a futuristic cptsd forum about their mom feeling resentment towards them? Is that something I can prevent? Is that something everyone has to deal with in some sense, a cost of existence that every once in a while, the people responsible for caring for you will feel it to be a burden? Or is that something I need to overcome and not feel or express if I’m to be a (good? perfect? acceptable?) parent?
I would really appreciate responses from people who are fully responsible for another living creature’s life. Please be kind- I feel vulnerable in sharing these darkemore difficult feelings, and I really am trying to do the best by myself and by my baby.
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