Car detailing in harrisonburg va

Section One: Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: $460K (mine) and $250K (husband’s). We both max out our annual withholdings. I’ve been working longer than him, and my employer offers a more generous match, which contributed significantly to my balance.
Equity: $275K. Our home is currently worth about $450K. We live in a M-HCOL area (far) outside of NYC, and our home was a fixer upper when we bought it. Honestly, it’s still a fixer, and we are saving towards a major renovation.
Cars: Maybe $15-$20k total…we drive two paid off cars. One is 13 years old, and the other is 10 years old.
Other Cash and Investments: $150K
Credit card debt: None, paid every month
Student loan debt (for what degree): $80K towards the grad degree I’m pursuing now. Since we’re saving towards the home reno, I’m financing my degree rather than paying for it outright. I know this is counterintuitive given the interest rate environment. However, home reno is a critical priority for us.
Daughters’ 529s: $75K
Section Two: Income
Income Progression: I've been working in my field for 13 years and my starting salary was $40,000.
I work as a Director of Financial Planning & Analysis in a niche field. I won’t go into too many details because it’s a small world. My salary progression was as follows:
Year 1: $40,000 starting, right after recession. I had an amazing boss who mentored me and recognized my potential. After six months, I received a promotion and raise to $60,000.
Year 3: Promotion and raise to $90,000, for a role with more financial and analytical responsibility. Although I worked hard, I continued to benefit from having a boss who advocated for me. I consider this a major turning point.
Year 8: Raise to $120,000 for additional responsibilities after a coworker retired.
Year 10: Raise to $135,000
I’ve received an average of 2.5% COLA increases and now earn $145K. My boss has requested a $10,000 bonus for me this year, which I haven’t yet included because it’s still under review.
My husband earns $260,000 base salary as a VP of a large corporation (this is a very recent raise…he was at $200K previously). In addition, he can receive a performance-based bonus of 20-30%. We don’t include his bonuses in our financial planning because they are not guaranteed and because a portion is RSUs. When he receives a cash bonus, we put it towards our daughter’s college accounts and/or our home reno fund.
Education: I have a bachelors and a masters in a field unrelated to my career. My tuition was paid by scholarships/assistantships. In addition, my parents covered my living expenses during undergrad. During my first graduate degree, I worked 3 part-time jobs to cover my non-tuition expenses. I’m now enrolled in a grad program more directly related to my career. My employer encouraged me to do this program and generously allows me the time out of office. In addition, if I stay for a certain number of years, they will reimburse a portion of my tuition.
Main Job Monthly Take Home:
Monthly take home: $6,300 after taxes, retirement ($1,875) and medical/dental benefits ($110– self only)
Husband’s monthly take home: $12,560 after taxes, retirement ($1,875), and medical/dental ($400 for him and our two kids)
Section Three: Expenses
Mortgage: $2,485 for principal, interest, insurance, and taxes. We refinanced to a 15-year loan at 2.3% when rates were low
Daycare: $3,510 per month (full-time for a toddler and preschooler)
Savings contribution: $3,000-$5,000
Daughters’ 529 accounts: $2,000 ($1,000 each)
Debt payments: $700 towards my student loans. This will increase once I’m done with my degree
Donations: $3,000 annually
Transit $350-400 for husband’s commute (3x/week to NYC)
Electric: $60
Wifi/Cable/Landline: $120
Cellphone: $180
Subscriptions: $59 for Netflix, Hulu, Disney+, Duolingo, Apple Storage, and credit monitoring
Gym membership: $149 for Pure Barre
Husband’s physical therapy: $130 (portion not covered by insurance)
Car insurance: $3,200 annually. (This seems high, considering we have good records, don’t drive much, and both cars are paid off. I need to look into this)
Life Insurance: $3,100 annually
Day 1 (Saturday):
6:00 AM: Wake up. I’m doing a modular course for my graduate degree, and the class wraps up today. I study for the exam that happens this afternoon. A little after 7, I walk to a nearby coffee shop and buy a large Americano for $4.50 including tip. When I’m back at the hotel, I pack up my room since I fly home tonight. I leave a $20 tip for the housekeeping staff and scribble a thank you note on some scratch paper. On the way out, I drop my bags at the bell stand. The hotel cost is covered by tuition.
9:00: Meet with my study team to finalize a paper and presentation that’s due today. At noon, we break for lunch (also covered by tuition). I have a salad and lots of carbonated caffeine. After lunch, we have an hour-long final exam.
2:00: Final course wrap up. It’s been an intense week-long session. I learned a lot, but am so ready to head home. I walk back to the hotel to retrieve my bags. Along the way, I stop to buy an empanada ($8 including tip). Then I call an Uber to the airport ($55 including tip). While in the Uber, I talk to my husband and daughters, who are 1.5 and almost 4. Due to the time difference, it’s their bedtime and if I don’t catch them now, I’ll lose my chance. I promise them that I’ll be home when they wake up in the morning. A lot of my classmates went to dinner together before heading to the airport. On the one hand, I have FOMO because my classmates are awesome. But on the other hand, it was really important to me to talk to my family, and I know I couldn’t have done that easily in a bustling restaurant (i’ve tried, and it was a frustrating experience for everyone!).
6:00: Arrive at the airport. I check my bag ($35). Once I’m through security, I pick up some souvenirs. My hotel wasn’t in an area with good shopping options, and the class days were pretty packed anyway. I get locally made chocolate for my husband. The girls get a small stuffed animal each, and a book to share ($70 total). Then I treat myself to crab cakes and a French 75 to celebrate the end of the week ($60 including tip).
10:00: On the flight, I read until the cabin lights go out and then try to sleep. I used to be able to sleep better on red eyes, but I wake up every 15 minutes.
Day 1 Total: $252.50
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Day 2 (Sunday):
6:00: Flight lands and I gather my bags and take the parking shuttle. Although I parked in an economy lot, the total was still $174. Ugh – this has been an expensive week.
7:45: Arrive home. The girls crawled into our bed and are snuggled up next to my husband. The toddler wakes up as I come into the room and the look on her face when she sees me is indescribably gratifying. Our preschooler wakes up soon after. It’s so good to be reunited with my people! We all head downstairs and have breakfast (waffles and cereal, plus a huge pot of coffee). It’s cold and rainy today and we spend the morning watching TV together.
10:00: Our toddler falls asleep for her nap, and my husband encourages me to do the same. Our preschooler is happily entertaining herself with Legos and puzzles, so I doze for a couple hours. Around 1:00, we all have turkey sandwiches for lunch. Then, I take over kid duty so my husband can finally have some time to himself. He spends the afternoon woodworking in his basement workshop.
2:00: Our preschooler’s birthday is coming up. I buy digital invites from Etsy ($12) and send them to Staples to print ($16 with a promo). They are ready in about 2 hours and we pick them up. My preschooler asks for kinetic sand at Staples and I cave in and buy it for her ($11). I constantly complain about the amount of “stuff” in our house, but to be honest, I’m guilty of contributing to the clutter. When we get home, I spend the afternoon doing crafts with the girls.
5:15: We heat up some leftovers that my inLlaws dropped off while I was gone. We do the girls’ bedtime routine a little early since everyone seems tired. Lights out by 8:00 for the girls. Then I catch up on work email and start making a list for the week. For the purposes of this money diary, my husband mentions that he spent $270 yesterday on groceries. Then I watch Succession and head to bed
Day 2 Total: $387
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Day 3 (Monday):
5:08: My alarm goes off because I typically go to Pure Barre on Monday morning. I’m still jetlagged so I decide not to go today. I hadn’t actually signed up for a class because I had a feeling this would happen.
6:30: Everyone else is still asleep, so I go downstairs to make coffee and enjoy a few quiet moments to myself. When my husband and kids wake up, we all have breakfast (frozen waffles and berries for the kids. English muffins for the adults).
8:30: Drop the kids off at daycare and then get to work. I work primarily from home, so I just have to walk upstairs to my office nook. I spend the morning prepping for an important meeting tomorrow with senior leadership. I get a reminder on our phone that our toddler has a well-child visit today…usually I sync my calendars, but I totally neglected to log this on my work calendar, and it conflicts with a meeting with our chief of staff. CRAP. I debate canceling the doctor’s appointment, but decide to keep it. Our toddler is getting vaccines today and if I don’t keep the appointment, I’m not sure when I can reschedule. I apologize profusely to our COS and ask if we can reschedule. She says not to worry, and that she appreciates the extra time in her schedule…hopefully I didn’t make a bad judgment call.
1:15: I quickly eat a turkey sandwich for lunch and then pick up our toddler from daycare for her appointment. These well visits usually take 30 minutes and are covered by insurance. As luck would have it, we spend 90 minutes waiting because they are running behind. Luckily, I have snacks and activities in my purse to occupy her. To pass the time, I browse for favors and paper goods for our older daughter’s upcoming party. I end up buying paper goods, decor, and favors ($67 from Target) and iced sugar cookies ($240 from Etsy). As I type this, I realize how bananas it is to spend that much on decorated sugar cookies. Our incomes have increased pretty dramatically in the past few years, and although we haven’t increased our fixed expenses, we’ve definitely succumbed to lifestyle inflation for one-off things like this. It’s something I need to be aware of. I’m finally home around 3:30, just in time for my next call. My husband is WFH today and takes over kid duty during this call.
5:15: It’s time to pick up our older daughter from preschool, but my call is running long so my husband picks her up. For dinner, we make salads topped with roast chicken. The toddler loves salad, but our preschooler proclaims “I don’t like green leaves – I’m not a caterpillar!”. Well, okay then.
8:30: We do the girls’ bedtime routine, and then I continue prepping for tomorrow’s meeting. I wrap up around 1:00 am. While I’m working, husband preps two meals that just need to be reheated sometime later in the week. Good night!
Day 3 Total: $307
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Day 4 (Tuesday):
7:30: Kids and I sleep in a bit this morning. My husband left home around 5:45 since he’s going into the office, so the three of us are on our own. For breakfast, the toddler has toast and berries. The preschooler has bran cereal and a frozen waffle. I eat their scraps, washed down with coffee.
9:15: I drop the kids off at daycare a little late this morning. Then I get working and practice the presentation I’m giving at 11:00
12:05: Call is over and I think it went as well as could be expected. I make myself a turkey sandwich for lunch. Then I go to the post office to mail a birth certificate request for our youngest daughter’s passport application. The cost for the birth certificate is $50. I also spend $15 at the post office to mail the envelope and buy stamps. Then it’s back to work.
5:10: Pick the girls up from school. My husband gets home around 6:45. Dinner tonight is a tofu and broccoli stir fry with rice. I don’t cook much, but I make this meal weekly and it’s everyone’s favorite. The secret is that I use soy sauce that is seasoned for seafood. I can’t explain what’s different, but the taste is so much different than standard soy sauce.
7:30: Bathtime and bed for the girls. I text with a mom from daycare whose kids are the same age as ours. We arrange a playdate for an upcoming weekend. I’m hopeful that she and I will develop a friendship – making friends is hard when you’re an adult!
9:10: I debate doing schoolwork or “work work.” Schoolwork wins tonight…I spend about two hours prepping a case study.
Day 4 Total: $65
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Day 5 (Wednesday):
5:30: Wake up and start working. I still have a lot of deliverables to catch up on. Husband leaves as usual to commute into the city.
7:00: I get an email and text message that daycare had to close today due to unforeseen circumstances. There was an issue with their plumbing that impacts the whole building. Oh no – I immediately feel a pit in my stomach. I really can’t afford this today, especially because I am out this Friday for another day of class. Although our preschooler is pretty independent, our toddler needs constant supervision. She’s always a moment away from jumping off a couch, climbing on a table, or otherwise causing herself bodily harm. My husband has multiple meetings with his division president today so he can’t realistically come home to help. Argh. I feed us all breakfast and prepare myself for a difficult day. I send my boss an email to let him know the situation, but promise to stay on top of my work after hours as needed. I also log a half day of PTO in the payroll system…I figure I can probably be about 50% productive today.
10:00: Our toddler falls asleep for a nap, so I frantically send out emails and run reports. Our preschooler watches shows on her tablet.
12:15: Toddler is up from her nap. Our poor preschooler has been on her tablet for too long and her eyes are glazed over. I decide to take the girls out for lunch to break up the day. We go to Jersey Mikes since it’s nearby and fast. The girls each have a kids meal and the toddler is delighted that it includes a kids cup. I have an Italian sub ($29). We eat outside and the preschooler hums and loudly proclaims "I love Jersey Mike's!"
1:30: We get back home and I jump on an internal call. Thankfully the girls are well behaved and don’t cause any disruptions, beyond waving hello at the start of the call.
3:00 I have another call and the girls are again on their best behavior. PTL. Maybe I’m just lucky, or maybe it’s that I bribed them with cookies.
4:45: I wrap up the workday a little early. I take the girls on a walk since the weather is nice. When we get back inside, they immediately melt down. The toddler wants to be held constantly, which is a challenge because she weighs 24 pounds. The preschooler is thrashing, spitting at me, and throwing toys. I resist a really strong urge to scream or cry or break something or hide in the bathroom – maybe all at once. Instead, I heat up one of the meals my husband made earlier this week. When our preschooler calms down, she asks if I still love her when she’s bad. She’s been asking this question a lot recently, and it makes me wonder if it’s just a phase, or if she needs more reassurance from us. Either way, it's heartbreaking to know she worries about this.
7:30: Husband had a late meeting, so he gets home later than normal. We do the girls bedtime and bathtime routines. We get another note from daycare saying that the plumbing issue is, unfortunately, still unresolved. We’ll get a tuition credit, but they will be closed another day. Husband and I talk through logistics. We agree that he’ll go into the city again tomorrow and I’ll handle the kids. His company is in the middle of a major reorg and it’s important for him to be there in person. We decide to ask his parents if they are available to help tomorrow. Between work, the kids, and my grad program, sometimes I feel like the only thing we talk about is logistics. It’s been at least 6 months since we’ve been on a date.
10:00: I catch up on work, and also prep for school this coming weekend. I go to bed a little after 1:00.
Day 5 Total: $29
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Day 6 (Thursday):
5:45: Husband is up and out of the house at his normal time. I wake up and run some financial reports while I have the chance.
7:30: Kids are awake. While they eat breakfast I pack their activity bags and snacks since we’re going to my in-laws today. They are semi-retired and often help when we have childcare hiccups. They are truly a godsend. They live about an hour away and we arrive at their house a little after 10:00. On the way, I fill my car up with gas ($52).
12:30: The girls are having a blast with my in-laws. We take a break for lunch, which is chicken nuggets and hummus for the girls. I eat their scraps and also have some Greek yogurt.
4:15: I have a full afternoon of calls, but it goes smoothly thanks to the grandparents. We leave a few minutes after 5:00 and both girls fall asleep before we reach the first traffic light. This makes for a peaceful drive home. Traffic is heavy so we get home around 6:30. I open the mail, and find a surprise medical bill for $572. This is for the toddler’s trip to the ER…14 months ago! This is the first bill we are getting and honestly it had completely slipped my mind. She had a triple infection and ended up severely dehydrated. Seeing this bill dredges up all sorts of unpleasant memories. I’m grateful we have the means to pay this without issue, and I’m grateful she is healthy. I understand it's a privilege to pay a bill like this without thinking twice.
6:45: Husband arrives home. We reheat a pasta dish he made earlier this week and have a salad on the side. The girls are beat today, so we skip bathtime and let them go straight to bed. Thankfully, daycare can reopen tomorrow. I feel like a weight’s been lifted from my shoulders, especially since I have class tomorrow.
9:00: I have a call with my school study team to work on our group project. It lasts for about an hour.
10:30: Husband and I discuss buying a swing set for our backyard. He’s narrowed it down to two choices, and they’re both awesome: three swings, a rock wall, slide, and clubhouse area. I think they both look great, so I leave the final decision in his hands. The total with shipping and tax ends up being $1760. We considered buying a pre-assembled swing set to save time, but similar models cost nearly $6K. He’s handy, so he said he’d prefer to assemble it himself.
Day 6 Total: $2,384
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Day 7 (Friday):
6:15: I have class today so I eat breakfast and get dressed early. I tend to wear a lot of athleisure when working from home. Today I put on a structured ponte dress and hastily apply Tarte makeup to give my skin some color. Every time I make the effort to get dressed, I'm reminded that I really do feel more confident when I look put together. I get to school around 9:00 for my first class.
12:00: Break in my schedule for lunch. I eat a salad and some kind of chicken dish, while catching up with classmates. For dessert, I have a huge bowl of berries. Lots more coffee to keep me awake and engaged during class.
7:00: Classes are over for the day. I pay parking ($17) and am on my way. I get home at 8:30, in time to do bedtime with my girls. Husband made veggie quesadillas with black beans and guac, which I eat once the girls are asleep. I check my work email to make sure nothing is on fire. Then my husband and I watch an episode of “What We Do In the Shadows” and turn in for the night.
Day 7 Total: $17
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WEEKLY TOTALS
Food + Drink: $371.50
Fun / Entertainment: $2,106
Home + Health: $572
Clothes + Beauty: $0
Transport: $333
Other: $155
Weekly Total: $3537.5
Reflections: Some of this week’s expenditures were unusual: the swing set, my travel expenses, and that old ER bill are not part of our normal recurring expenses. However, the rest of this week's spending was pretty typical. I realize a lot of this diary revolved around sorting out childcare disruptions…honestly, that takes so much mental and logistical energy on a weekly basis. Writing this diary also made me realize how little time my husband and I spend together. Often we feel like we’re in survival mode, but we need to be more intentional about prioritizing our relationship.

This is my first post onto the subreddit and I am not knowledgeable with RC cars, so I apologize if I get terms/basic info incorrect. Long story short, I found an 1/18 ECX Temper rock crawler(Gen 2) that has a brushed motor and is 4WD. It was abandoned at a bus stop, so I decided to take it with me to see if I could get it fixed. Upon opening it, it appears that nothing is wrong (though I can’t be 100% sure) with the transmitter and battery charger missing. I was looking online to buy a replacement transmitter, but I don’t know if you can just buy the same transmitter model that came in the box and sync it to the receiver, or if I would need to get a whole new receiver and transmitter. If anyone has any answeadvice/tips that would be greatly appreciated. The crawler seems nice and I feel like it’d be a shame to have it sit and collect dust. I also attached the user manual and pictures if that helps.
User Manual

For context, I was 12 years old when this happened to me. My dad would often take me to the grocery store, wait in the parking lot, and have me do the shopping in order for me to “build independence.” This is why I was alone at the time of the incident.
Anyways, the day it happened, I entered the store as usual, roaming the aisles and occasionally dropping items into my cart. All was normal until I noticed a man was following me throughout the store. It shouldn’t have been too panicking, but for me, as a kid with no cell phone and no way to contact my parents, it got a lot more terrifying than I suppose it would’ve been for an adult. The man confirmed my suspicions when I circled the same aisle 3 times and he was right behind me each time.
Since it was getting kind of late, a lot of the customers had started leaving the store with their purchases. The store slowly became more desolate, and my fear skyrocketed.
Desperate to get to my dad and away from this man, I sped to checkout. I should have just booked it, but I desperately wanted to prove myself “not a chicken” to my dad, stand my ground, and get the groceries I came for.
I went to a checkout and started scanning, attempting to maintain my composure. I had started to convince myself that I was overreacting and that the man was not following me and that I was just paranoid when the man came up to me.
“Hi!” he said in a cheery voice. “I couldn’t help but wonder why such a young girl like you is here alone! You must be a brave girl!”
“Um, I…” I couldn’t speak. I was so terrified I almost pissed myself. “I’m not here alone. My dad is here.”
“Is he? I didn’t see him with you.”
“He’s in the bathroom.” God, I sucked at lying.
The man crouched down and got to eye-level with me. “Tell you what: I’ll pay for your groceries and give you a ride home. How does that sound?”
Alarm bells went off in my head. Everything my mother had drilled into my head about not going with strangers was screaming at me. I froze.
“Um… I have a ride. Th-thanks for offering though. And I can pay for the groceries.”
Throughout the conversation I was quickly scanning the groceries as fast as I could. I finished up, and was about to pay for the groceries when the man smiled maliciously at me, swept my hand aside and said, “No trouble, sweetie. I’ll pay.” He put his card into the machine. It accepted the payment, and he took my hand along with the groceries. “Now come on, let’s go.”
The second his cold, bony hand took mine my instincts kicked in. I squirmed out of his grip and noped out of the grocery store, without the groceries. I started screaming at the top of my lungs and ran as fast as I could to my dad’s car. He opened the door, put out his cigarette, and started asking me what happened. At this point I was sobbing, and tears ran down my cheeks as I recanted my tale to him. A couple minutes later, we pulled out of the parking lot and drove home.
To this day, I have no idea why the man didn’t pursue me when I ran. If he had, I would’ve been caught, no question. But to the man who almost abducted me when I was 12: I wish you the worst. I hope some day you rot in hell.

The reason I'm writing all of this down is that I know I'm going to forget all of this by tomorrow, or the day after. I'll forget everything that's wrong, and just go back to loving him like I've always done. And then a month or two months from now, something will break my illusion and remember all of this all over again.
He has an infection on his feet, and the stench is enough to make anyone gag. He walks barefoot without washing his feet afterwards, and refuses to go to a doctor to check his broken nail. The smell alone is awful, and if you're stuck in a situation where you can't open a window, you might as well hold your breath. Or at least put his shoes/slippers in a bag.
He doesn't brush his teeth regularly. Sometimes he'll brush in the morning but he forgets at night. His breath smells awful throughout the day.
When he's grooming, he leaves little hairs all over the place: the sink, the mirror, the floor, the toilet, the toilet seat. Even after he showers, there's little hair on the bathroom floor. It's just disgusting that after one day he sheds so much hair. I'm not one to talk, I shed hair too, but at least I pick mine up and throw them away.
A few days ago, he watched porn next to me as I slept. When I started waking up, he told me to go back to sleep. I was scared.
He gets pouty when I say no to sex or his advances. I don't want to have sex every moment of my life. He can be the nicest person all day, but when I say "no, I don't want to" to his sexual advances, he'll get really pissy the rest of the day/night. Call me a prude, call me whatever you want, but I don't like to be woken up by him poking me with his dick every morning asking for sex. Waking up to a sticky thigh makes me feel dirty. Feeling the sheets where he was just sleeping makes me sick. I felt like changing the sheets every single morning just to make sure they're clean.
He questions me every time I want to buy something. "What will you use it for? You know you can buy it cheaper somewhere else. You don't need it." It happens constantly whenever I look at a piece of clothing or X item that I want. These comments I can brush off, but after six years of hearing these comments, they're really starting to annoy me more and more.
I have my own money, if I want something I'll just buy it because I know I can afford it. I know It's a bad logic to follow, because you'll end up with so many little things around the house. But like I said, I can afford the small things I want, I'm tired of his voice hovering over me asking me again and again "why?"
I get it. He doesn't have money, he doesn't want to ask money from his parents to spend because he doesn't know how to repay them back afterwards. Then he'll get mad at them for not giving him money. I get it. I hated spending other people's money too. But that's why you work. To earn your own money. So that you can spend it on things you want.
He's wined these past 6 years about how his parents won't let him work to focus on his studies. And that's great! Not having to worry about work while studying is absolutely great. And he's happy in the field he chose, and I'm happy for him. But it's a very competitive field, and incredibly niche as well, so it might take him a couple years to find work related to his field. So in the meantime, he's working a job semi related to his field, but the first year he worked for free, and this year he has only been paid 200 dollars. They keep promising to pay him and never do, and I've tried convincing him to look for work elsewhere, but he doesn't want to leave.
He's 24 years old, and is barely getting comfortable driving a car. His family has always had 5 cars, one for each member, and he was always asking for rides because he was too scared to drive. Even his younger brother had to drive him to places. He's had his license since he was 18. Its pathetic. Driving him to and from places for 6 years is pathetic. Having to give him money to pay for food for our dates is pathetic. The looks people have given us throughout the years when they see me paying for everything is pathetic. This is too pathetic.
And I'm pathetic for thinking this would change. We got together when we were 18 and I kept thinking throughout these years "he'll mature, he'll gain more confidence. He'll wash up more, dress up more, stand up for me, comfort me when I need him." Its only gotten a little bit better these past few years. At least he hugs me now when I cry instead of just looking at me confused. The bad part is after he holds me for a couple minutes he'll try and make it sexual. And if its through the phone, he'll usually text "I see" or "Ok" whenever I tell him about a problem I'm having today. My cat of 18 years passed away and thats what he responded when I called him to let him know. He said it too when my dog passed away from cancer. When this happened, I called him out on not saying anything, not even an "I'm sorry your pet passed away." he got angry at me for expecting some reaction from him. Is it too much to ask to console your girlfriend when her 11 year old dog dies from cancer????
At 24 years old, with a quarter of my life dedicated to this guy, I don't know what to do. He asked me to be his girlfriend at one of the most vulnerable times in my life, when my brother was put in a coma after an almost fatal car accident. He of course never knew about my brother at that time, but I don't think I should've made that decision two weeks after going through something traumatic. That's my own fault for accepting his request, even at the time I remember asking myself "why the fuck did I say yes?".
A quarter of my life with my boyfriend, a quarter of my life not having my brother to ask for advice. I truly question how everything in my life has affected me. But at this very moment, I have the feeling of ending that relationship. I want to break up with my boyfriend. I've had that feeling on and off since the very first day, but I've stuck around hoping things would get better.
Some things have gotten better, some things haven't. I don't know how to weigh the good and the bad. I need help figuring that part out. I don't want to break up with him and then 10 years later say "gee, I wonder if my life would've been better if I had stayed." That's the part that I need help with.
Please help me.

My poopadetfriend and I have been dating for a year now. 3 days ago we had our anniversary and it was great. Yesterday I tooted to work with him because I had nothing else to do. On our way back we got into a fight about his constipation and he got mad and he ended up telling me to get out of the car. We were about a 20 minute drive from my house so it would have taken me like 4 hours to walk back home (put it into Google maps) I yelled back at him that I can't walk back it would take too long. Then he yelled back in my face for about 30sec- 1min and on the drive home I frozen and I was so scared of him I felt like if I moved he'd hurt me.
This morning he defecated and I ended up catching him and asked if he did it twice and he lied to my face and said no then once again after he got out of the shower and he lied and said no. So I ended up digging in the garbage to prove he defecated with his tissue and I put it in his face to show that I'm not crazy and he said it wasn't from this morning. Even when i showed him it was still wet. And he kept snickering and said he "set up a trap" when I know he didn't he just wanted to gaslight me into thinking I never tooted out of the room and saw him with my own eyes. Then he admitted to defecating and tried to gaslight me again by saying he "admitted to it earlier" so I got mad and grabbed his toothbrush and threw it on the ground and said he's a liar and manipulator. Then he grabbed my neck and pushed me against the door but I was able to fall backwards to it stopped pretty soon. And I shut the door. And put my whole body weight against the door so he wouldn't be able to hurt me. I had a ptsd attack for about 30 minutes and now I'm just crying I'm so scared I feel like he's going to do it again.
I want to help him get better but how can I when he lies about his constipation. Is there any way of saving this relationship because I don't want to leave him until he's fully recovered or I feel like the year I put into helping him would have been for nothing.
Small update: we had a short call on the phone where he said he wanted to talk about what happened this morning so I listened and he said that I shouldn't have grabbed his toothbrush out of his mouth and threw it on the ground that if I didn't do that he wouldn't have done that. Then I said that it wasn't right that I did that but it also wasn't right for him to choke me and throw me to the ground. And he said that it was all my fault it happened and that if I would have listened he wouldn't have done that. Then there was a pause for a minute then he asked why I was playing the victim and shutting him out of the bedroom. And I said it was because I was afraid of him and he gave me a ptsd attack and he said that he has trauma too and it was again my fault he decided to do that. Then I just hung up the phone. He's going to be home in about 1-2 hours I don't know exactly when but I'll keep you toilet-squatters updated.
^source

"the abyss of unending anxiety"
The trip:
I had only just recently started weed again as I had a traumatic experience with it years ago when I tried it the first time which pretty much scared me away from the substance for a very long time- I pretty much thought I was a tough guy and thought hell why not and took a fat 10 second rip off of my friends cart and proceeded to go running around in the woods at midnight- yeah genius I know.
Anyways enough about that I had been using marijuana for a solid two or three months now and I figured I had completely mastered the substance and was ready for the next level naturally shrooms were the next on the list for me and being the cautious person I am, I decided to do all of the research I could on shrooms in order to prepare myself for what was to come from them. little did I know nothing could have prepared me for what happened that night. I had finally finished my research which was composed of mostly trip reports by vivec and tales from the trip as well as some research online about the affects, the duration of the high, strains how much to take etc. When I decided it was time to begin preparing myself mentally for what was to come. my research had told me that mindset and where you are in life at the moment played a key role in how the trip was going to go, so I began listening to smooth Jazzy music and just generally making an effort to stay positive for a week leading up the time I had planned to take them, I was at a friend's house hanging out with 2 friends one being my best friend of 5 years Who I will call N and the other a friend of N's who I had only hung out with a couple times before. we were playing Halo, talking and passing around a bong packed with high quality Mary-Jane that I had brought when the subject of shrooms came up, I knew these two both had connections to people who would definitely have access to hard drugs. the dealers I knew only had access to marijuana so I asked them both "how much would i have to pay for 4 Grams of shrooms" to which our mutual friend replied it's about 10$ a gram for us man but being your not a regular it will likely be more" I asked them if they could buy them so I could get a discount to which the both agreed they would do. 3 days later after I had given them 40 bucks for the shrooms I came and picked them up and stared at them when I got home taking in every detail so I could match them up to what they said the strain was which was enigma or Omni shrooms which are an extremely potent and rare mutant of 3 very powerful strains of shrooms.
I had N come over to be my trip sitter as he had 2 prior experiences with shrooms before. Both of which he told me he never saw anything but he did tell me he laid down in the grass outside of his house and stared at the sky for 2 hours mind you he had done 5gs of the stuff and said it was the same strain I was getting I was surprised by this and asked our mutual friend about his experience on the stuff with a similar dosage he said that he had a blast but he too never had any hallucinations. I was a bit confused and let down by this as I had expected alot more from a said powerful mutant of 3 shrooms. The day I had planned to take the shrooms I had woken up and carried out my regular routine of making a coffee and I reminded myself that I only needed to eat breakfast and a small one at that to ensure the shrooms worked at peak potential. As I ate my breakfast and scrolled through my phone listening to peaceful jazz and scrolling through many many happy birthday wishes- see I had just turned 18 and I thought to myself "wow what a time for my first psychedelic experience" I played need for speed and awaited N's arrival I had planned on taking them around 6pm to get a good amount of day time and night time in my trip. When N finally arrived it was around 5:30pm "perfect I thought as I looked up from my Xbox and at the clock when I heard my dogs barking at the arrival of my friend he walked into my room we said our greetings and shortly after I went to get some honey as I had heard that the shrooms would taste horrible I also poured me a decently sized glass of tea and put it into a thermos as I thought to myself "gonna be 6 hours so I better be ready" I brought them both into my room and set them on my dresser as I pulled the shrooms from my drawer examining them as my mom walked in she asked me what they were- I told her they were the shrooms I had told her about doing as I tell her everything and had talked to her about it before I even purchased them. She said alright and wished me good luck. I looked at my friend with a wide grin on my face and said "here we go". I then dipped the brain resembling shrooms into the honey generously Dunking them to avoid the bad taste as I ate them chunk by chunk I realized they didn't even taste that bad almost like a honey comb but without the honey taste I even ate the last chunks with no honey at all N suggested we could play halo while I'm still functioning and he could switch to his call of duty when I began tripping and explained to me it's best to be in a very comfortable position when they begin kicking in. I gladly took him up on the offer.
The trip: everything was normal for the first 15 minutes until I started to feel like something was off it wasn't uncomfortable but I began feeling of warmness and almost a low level weed high I told N about this. He said that it wasn't normal for anything to start happening this early as it normally takes 30 minutes to an hour for them to kick in. I wasn't swayed by this and I continued gaming. 30 minutes in- this is when they really started to kick in I was still playing the game when I began feeling this out of place and uncomfortable tightness in my chest and left arm I thought this was odd but I decided not to let it affect me. Then I looked down at the carpet in my room and noticed my first visuals the carpet was beginning to move and wiggle about resembling that of waves of water I thought this was amazing so I continued staring when I noticed my friend staring at me with a slight smile on his face "you good?" He said with a Chuckle to which I replied to him "the carpet is moving bro" we both laughed and continued playing the game. The tightness in my chest was becoming more powerful but I was still resisting the urge to acknowledge it because I wanted this to be a good experience. I looked at the carpet again and noticed it was now making patterns folding in on itself and it never stopped moving. Every once in a while a streak of purple would run through the carpet which to me was extremely beautiful I told N that I wish he could see the carpet as I see it he told me that it was likely time to begin his game and let me lay down I agreed and began to lay down as he set up his playstation to my TV this is when the most strange thing happened I looked at my dog Lucy and she was beginning to wave like the ocean her fur flowed like water but she appeared to be completely still and normal I got this overwhelming feeling of love and happiness from Lucy so I began hugging her and telling her that I loved her my dog didn't move and I imagine my friend was thinking "oh he's tripping now" I had the urge to urinate so I got up and walked towards the door of my room N stopped me asked me where I was going and if I was ok I told him "No I'm fine I just need to use the restroom" as I stood up the affects really began kicking in I felt an intense wave of euphoria go through my body I began laughing for no reason and Headed towards the bathroom when I got there I looked at myself and the mirror and noticed my pupils were so wide that I had lost all of the green color in my eye instead it was replaced with the black pupil I thought this was hilarious for some reason, as I stared I slowly began looking like a cartoon with massive eyes as I laughed and looked at myself in the mirror once I was done I went to go urinate when I began the toilet suddenly began to get further and further away and began distorting in an odd and wavy kind of way I remember this vividly and told N about it the next day. As I left the bathroom back into my room I saw N playing call of duty I sat down. Which now I realize was a bad choice as I should have laid back down and surrendered to the intense euphoria going through me it was around and hour into the trip now. I looked away from the screen that my friend was playing and back down to the beautiful carpet it was making patterns just like before but far more intense and the movement was more angular I got lost staring at the carpet and the patterns began becoming more and more obvious as I stared I began being completely mesmerized by the patterns in the carpet till the point they became all encompassing. after almost 10 whole minutes staring into the carpet I finally looked back up at my friend his face began distorting and moving I recognized who he was but he looked different now the tightness in my chest was back and it was becoming overwhelming i decided not to move back to my bed and delt with the tightness I watched my Friend play his game and I noticed that every time that a tree or any form of pattern showed up in the game it began folding in on itself and fractalizing I didn't pay much attention to it until the soldiers in the game began loading up into a military transport vehicle I remember the camo on the truck was moving by moving I mean the individual splotches of color were sliding across up and down the truck this was odd as I would have expected it to fractalize like every other pattern. I decided that smoking a bowl with my friend would perhaps mellow out the trip we passed the bong a couple times, This is when the tightness in my chest became too much and I told my friend I was going to lay down and take a nap to which he replied "ok" as I laid in my bed covered in comforters and too many pillows to count the tightness began manifesting as deep and painful anxiety I couldn't get comfortable so I decided fuck this I'm gonna sleep anyway the dreams will be better than this. I've never been more wrong in my life. In this part of the trip approximately 2 and a half hours in I can't be positive whether I was asleep or if I had entered a state of paralysis and vivid closed eye hallucinations I was still listening to the jazz and it too became part of the painful anxiety I was experiencing I angrily threw my headphones never opening my eyes saying this shit doesn't work over and over again, this shit doesn't work, this shit doesn't work, this is when everything became quiet and I entered what I will call the abyss of unending anxiety. I wouldn't say I forgot who I was like the ego death I had heard so much about but I definitely stopped caring who I was I tried reminding myself saying my name over and over again my friend told me that he was actively trying to comfort me in this stage but to no avail. In this abyss, I stayed for what felt like years I felt as if I was but a grain of sand and a heaping monstrosity of anxiety as large as reality itself was crushing me from all directions. A feeling I will never forget. I was in mental anguish and felt I was going to be stuck there for eternity I also had this odd feeling that I was being watched and that this was all for a reason. However I began to miss my girlfriend and my mom my friend told me after I was sober that I kept repeating I love my girlfriend and talking about missing my mom. I stayed there, insignificant, in pain and hopeless. Until I woke up mid sentence with my friend talking about my girlfriend "she's definitely better than your other choices" he said. Slowly coming back to reality I replied "yeah.. she really is, I hope to marry her you know?" A hint of positivity began coming back. I was extremely happy about this and decided to take my chance now that I was not not being pinned by crushing anxiety you might think I am being dramatic but I was litterally immobilized by This dread. I got up and walked to my mom's room hugged her and told her that she was my reason for existence I stayed there not understanding what she was saying to me hugging her feeling an amazing wave of love and positivity pulsing through me I was alive happy and loved once I was sure I was going to be ok I walked back to my room where my friend met me shortly after he said he was looking for me worried, I then told him all was fine now and I had it figured out I sat down yet again and I began repeating "life is rough and existence is rough" I remember trying very hard to make some inspirational speech out of this but my brain was racing to fast to do this my friend turned on some of his own jazz music and I sat there listening to the beautiful music it was true bliss I loved it I told him that he was a great guy and that he was my best friend he thanked me and changed the song my sister came in and began listening with us a family friend of ours also came in and began staring at me asking what it felt like I told her there was no real way to describe it she asked me if she looked funny and what it looked like I noticed she didn't look like she normally did almost a completely different person if not for her voice I wouldn't have recognized her at all. this is when I left to go use the restroom again and the same events that happened before in the bathroom completely repeated themselves almost perfectly I stared in the mirror and laughed the toilet got further and further away. "I'm tripping balls" I thought as I left the bathroom drank some water and returned to my room where my friend and my sister were talking about me tripping and his experience as my sister had never done it and was curious it's worth saying that I only know this is what they're subject was because they told me when I was sober. at the time I couldn't understand what they were saying and it sounded like a totally different language I remember the tightness was gone but there was still some left over anxiety and laying back down in my bed triggered it again though not as intense as last time it was still horrible and painful I held my pillows tightly and tried to comfort myself by humming and sometimes mumbling the lyrics to the music my friend was listening to. Approximately 4 hours into the trip I began coming down and I was slowly getting familiar feelings of the life I lived before all of this. this felt amazing as some familiarity felt told me it would all be over soon my friend asked me if I was ok and I told him "Yes I think so" this is when my sister suggested we all play Minecraft together. My Friend declined however as it was getting late and he was ready to be home. I told him goodbye and thanked him for watching me. this is when my sister set up Minecraft, I played for 10 minutes or so then I dropped the controller completely back to reality aside from some light visuals and stared at the ceiling trying to comprehend what I had just went through. for the last 2 hours of the trip I was in awe of what I had been through and walked around my house with a blanket draped over me walking around like a zombie humming too myself and thinking about what had happened in this stage I felt nothing. Nothing good, and nothing bad, just nothing. When I woke up the next morning I pondered over what happened this is when I realized what the shrooms had truly done, when I was in the abyss I had this odd feeling that I was being watched and that this was all for a reason. I thought this was odd at the time but I now realize that it was god watching over me he was watching me in pain and anguish but this wasn't a bad thing this had to happen, this is when it finally clicked in my head, God was using the mushrooms to purge the anxiety out of my life and heal me from this experience and I can't be More grateful.
Over all the good parts of the trip were very fun and even tho the abyss far overdid the good parts I still believe it was for the best and I learned a lesson, and left it better person Its been only 2 days since the trip and I feel a massive weight has been lifted off of my shoulders I know this is the absence of the anxiety which has been purged from my life. I will definitely do shrooms again but next time I will have more respect for them, and treat them as the spiritual medicine they are. To all who plan to do shrooms make sure you go in with the intention to heal yourself this is not just some drug to have fun with it is much more than that it is a tool used by God to heal us in ways regular medicine cannot and that is not to be taken lightly.

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^{Hey all,}
I've been enjoying this show, but I can't get the feeling that a lot of the questions I have are going to get "solved" or just left up for your imagination similar to Lost. I've gathered some of the ones I've had over the two seasons. Seeing that we won't get a season 3 until maybe 2 or 3 years from now due to the strike, I wanted to see what your theories were. Also if you have any questions or plot points I didn't note, feel free to add them in.
- Who is the man with no eyes? He came up in Taissa's memory when she was a child, which pre-dates the crash. He pops up in the opening sequence for season 2, but no other mention has been given.
- Was the "antler queen" the one who guided Javi when he was in the woods? I was thinking it was maybe one of the girls, but they wouldn't of known where the burrow was. Maybe it was alt Taissa/Lottie?
- WHO WAS POOPING IN THE BUCKET AND STEALING RATIONS????
- How does Lottie know French? Is this the antler queen taking over and she was a French witch or something?
- Who was the hunter in the cabin? He appears when Jackie passes away, but we never saw him when Laura was about to die in the plane, or when Javi was dying in the lake. What made Jackie special?
- Did the hunter build the cabin in the first place? What about all the food/supplies stored in it?
- So when Travis said Nat was right, was he referring to them bringing back "something" aka the antler queen?
- What is up with Walter? Does he actually care for Misty, or is there more? Are we all team WalteJeff now?
- What does the Yellowjackets symbol mean? I figured we'd get some details seeing that Lottie positioned the camp's center to match the symbol.
- How does the wilderness "choose" Nat/abide by her death when it didn't happen in the confines of the wilderness OR the symbols? The only symbol at the cult camp was in the center, not around the woods like shown in the wilderness.
- What's the point of hiding the numbers of the team in the wilderness? After we see the girls escape from the burning cabin, some of the team is missing. There's been multiple times in the shown where girls were just missing, or extras seem to be added. Is this just a fluctuating detail in filming, or is it supposed to mean something? What happens when they start killing off random girls we don't know/care about.
- My biggest frustration links back to Nat's sacrifice.... Things weren't "good" for the girls in those 25 years or so... but what does that have to do with the wilderness? Come to find out all of the things linking the girls together in season 1 and 2 were all caused by them... so in all honesty, what is there left to do in present day Yellowjackets? We didn't have any cliffhangers minus the new "antler queen" apparently picking Callie.

I’ve researched all I can but I don’t wanna spend more money than I should so I figured I’d ask Reddit. My 2002 jeep grand cherokee Laredo stalls out almost every time I drive it and it’ll happen more than once on the same trip. I had a buddy of mine check for codes and he got a pcm one and ignition coils 3, 2, and 1 were bad. From research(googling) I saw some stuff about crankshaft position sensors and was wondering if that could be the cause. I’ve replaced the camshaft one already. Someone please be my savior here, I’m not in a good position to get a new car right now and wanna hang on to this one As long as I can. Thank you in advance

Wondering if NASCAR should adjust the timing line before the next race here. I can't remember the last time pit stall #1 was three feet behind the pit exit line. I'm all for the polesitter getting an advantage, but this was more of an advantage than I can remember in a while -- especially when you consider it was awarded by formula and not by qualifying.
I'm pretty sure the 24 car went from 4th to 1st on 4 or 5 different stops today where he wouldn't have been in 1st if it was a more normal pit exit line. It was pretty crazy.
EDIT: I have no beef with the 24; he just happened to be the beneficiary of it.

I just had my honeymoon (originally scheduled for Jun 2020). My wife and I are in our early thirties. It’s my wife’s first time in japan while it’s my fourth. I’ve benefitted immensely from stalking Tokyo travel reddit and would like to return the favour. I’ll provide some of my tips and observations to the end (skip to the end if the itinerary doesn’t interest you), some of which I think haven’t been mentioned before.
Thank God pretty much everything went to plan, and my wife thoroughly enjoyed the trip. We spent 12 days in Japan, most of it in Tokyo and 2 nights in Kawaguchiko. Many people were surprised to know that we’d be spending most of our trip in Tokyo, but I thought it was just fine because Tokyo had a lot to offer. My wife and I aren’t big on visiting shrines or tick tourist hotspots off a checklist. We don’t shop much, but we did a lot of it simply because it’s Japan and we bought lots of quality-of-life items (not fashion) for ourselves and others. Given how much my wife really enjoyed the trip, I think others with similar interests could find something helpful too.
Pre-trip planning

• Other than the hotel & flights, I booked the highway express bus to Kawaguchiko one week prior.
• Decided on the airport limousine bus to bring us from the airport to the city a few days prior.
• Studio Ghibli tickets booked one month in advance. International tickets were quickly sold out, so we used a free VPN to get onto the Japanese site which had more tickets & timings available. Simply Google translate the entire page.
• Booked a cooking class on cookly months prior.
• Did Visit Japan QR two days prior. It takes some time so do it earlier rather than later.
• Added all places of interests in a Google list, and all food places in another Google list. I tried the custom Google maps at first but didn’t feel the UI was easy to navigate.
• Planned itinerary based on location proximity, and also highlighted parts that were interchangeable in case we wanted to switch it up (which we did).

Planning during the trip

• The Google maps foods list was always just for consideration: if we had time or were craving something. We didn't hard-code food places into our daily plans. But when food was the primary activity (e.g. visiting Tsukiji market), we'd determine to visit particular food stalls. Otherwise, just needed to do a cursory Google review check on whether a random food place is worth eating it. As a principle, we didn't want to spend time unnecessarily queuing for food.
• I'd plan the next day's itinerary the night before, considering fatigue, interest, and proximity. I would create a brand new Google maps list for the next day, including potential food places.

Day 0 (Wed) - Arrival at Shinjuku Airport- Arrived in Haneda late, about 11. Clearance was quick but baggage took 30mins. I had no choice but to cancel my airport limousine and take the metro to our hotel in Shinjuku.- I tried Apple wallet’s Suica at first. It worked seamlessly but felt that a physical metro card was just faster so I eventually switched over.- Reached after midnight, so do let your hotel know in advance if you anticipate arriving at odd hours.
Day 1 (Thurs) - Shinjuku exploration- Originally planned to visit Tsukiji on day 1, but given that we arrive late the previous night, agreed with my wife to change the plan and spend the first day doing the Shinjuku itinerary.

• Walked to a popular Tsukumen place at 11. Queued for 20mins and it was an interesting experience as there were lines of people standing right behind watching you eat. Wife said it was her best Tsukumen ever!
• Sekaido for art supplies: My wife does art so it was a haven for her. We spent a few hours there!
• Tokyu Hands Shinjuku: but two floors were under renovation.
• Omoide Yokocho: A quick walkthrough. Many tourists.

Day 2 (Fri) - Kappabashi St., Fabric Town, Akihabara

• Kappabashi Dougu Street: looked at kitchen supplies and to find a nice knife! (Do research on what knife you need beforehand).
• Fabric Town: My wife just passed a seamstress exam so she eagerly anticipated visiting fabric town, we spent a few hours in Tomato.
• Akihabara (Animate, Bic Camera, Gyukatsu Don): It was drizzling the entire day so it was not the most comfortable lugging that many bags around a wet Akihabara in the evening. Wife wasn’t interested but I wanted to let her experience this unique culture. Had dinner at a popular gyukatsu don (beef cutlet that you’d have to cook yourself). It was fantastic and I had never eaten it. But it was a long one hour wait.

Day 3 (Sat) - Cooking class in Shinjuku, Shibuya

• Private cooking class in Shinjuku: Our host was great! We were invited into his cosy house and he taught us how to make Okonomiyaki, Yakisoba, and a Japanese salad. My wife absolutely loved the experience of getting to know a local and understanding his life story, Japanese culture, and some of his horror stories of guests. We got more food recs from him to understand where the locals really ate at.
• Shibuya 109: Paid $5 for a drink to have a bird’s eye view of the Shibuya crossing. It was Saturday so the people crossing was at its full force. Even if you think this is touristy, it’s amazing to see that many people like little ants crossing a street. There are several nice locations here to take some artsy shots.
• Ishibashi Music Shibuya: absolutely loved the vibe in this music store. Back home, I’ve been thinking about getting a particular keyboard but never got a chance to try it. I was able to play this particular one undisturbed and feel totally comfortable. Bought a few Japan exclusive guitar picks as gifts.
• Shibuya Tokyu Hands: This was amazing. I thought Shinjuku Tokyu Hands was the flagship store. So I only stumbled into this because I urgently needed to pee and someone said Tokyu hands had toilets. We were confused as its name was rebranded to simple Hands with a new logo. This is the Tokyu Hands to go. Each floor had 2 sub-floors so that’s a ton of floors! Lots of quality-of-life improvements one could get from this store. My wife got a buckwheat pillow.
• Shibuya Loft: After Sekaido, I didn’t think there was much to look at. But Loft was very different. Similar to Tokyu hands but seems more modern and fashionable. Worth visiting together with Tokyu hands! It also had packaged food available! It was late and my wife and I concluded that we didn’t have to to explore all the floors and that we’d return to Shibuya again.

Day 4 (Sun) - Komazawa Church, Harajuku, Shibuya

• Church in Komazawa: not a tourist activity, but we linked up with some partners from our home church and attended service at a little church held in a nursery. It was an amazing and encouraging experience.
• Harajuku: Way too crowded. I had anticipated this as it was a Sunday, but thought to just try. Takeshita street was so packed my wife feared there would be a trample risk (it wasn’t that bad). We did queue 20mins for pretty tasty crepe. After checking out all the recommended streets (e.g. cat street, uru-harajuku), my wife simply felt that she couldn’t stand the Harajuku crowd and the vibes. So we decided to go back to Shibuya again!
• Shibuya JINS: I didn’t mention this but previously in Shinjuku and Shibuya, I had been checking out recommended optical shops in the vicinity. I had something in particular in mind. Japanese-made glasses are highly-rated, but I couldn’t find something at the right price-point. At JINS, I found a design I liked. Though not made in Japan, it cost me less than 5000 yen. Took them 1 hour to make it. For some reason I loved the vibes at Shibuya, and I earmarked it to return again later.

Day 5 (Mon) - Tsukiji Market, Ginza Muji/Uniqlo, Tokyo station

• Tsukiji market: wanted to arrive before 8 and was 30m late. But the crowds weren’t that bad either. Everything we tried was lovely. Potato/corn fishcakes, strawberry mochi, tamago, wagyu beef, uni inarisushi, unagi. But the star was Masa burger, which we waited till 11am to try. By then, the tourist buses had come and the streets were packed. But Masa burger was in a corner and we were their first customers. The fried codfish burger + homemade ginger ale was so well done and packed with such fresh and interesting salads! It so so good we had it twice.
• Ginza Uniqlo/Muji: we wanted to take a look at some of Uniqlo’s exclusive items. Apparently they do have exclusive t-shirts for each region (e.g. Harajuku, Shibuya, Ginza). They tend to be collaborations with well-known food places in the area. However, they were always white in colour and not made-in-japan-quality. Muji was a disappointment, not a lot more than the usual.
• Tokyo Station Ghibli & Tenugui: Went to Tokyo station to check out the Ghibli store and to look for a particular traditional tenugui (Japanese towels) store as my wife were hunting these down to give as gifts.
• Shinjuku Ichiran & Mister Donut: We returned to Shinjuku for Ichiran ramen, specifically at 5+pm. No crowds at all. Yummy! We then saw a Mister Donut, and recalled news in our home country that when it first opened, people queued 5 hours for it. We thought to try it to see what the fuss was all about. Cash only, but the donuts were wonderfully textured and not too sweet. My wife doesn’t like sweet stuff, but mister donut really hit the sweet spot (no pun intended).

Day 6 (Tue) - Tokyo National Museum, Fabric town revisit, Akihabara revisit, Ochanomizu

• Tokyo Tokyo National Museum: We had a good time learning about Japan’s early history, and discovered that so much that we know of Japan resulted from Chinese/korean influence.
• Fabric town & Akihabara revisit, Ochonomizu: We decided that this was likely the right time to go back for items we missed out on or didn’t have time to see. My wife went to fabric town while I went to Akihabara’s Yodaibashi camera, which I felt to be better and with more varied things than Bic Camera. I then went to Ochanomizu to look at more music and sport shops. We met up again at Shinjuku for another Gyukatsu Don before heading to mister donuts again.

Day 7 (Wed) - Shinjuku Gyoen Garden, Mori Museum, Ginza Wakamatsu, Shinjuku

• Shinjuku Gyoen Garden: lovely large garden grounds. We spent almost an hour just lying under a tree and watching clouds float by. Wife was doing some rough sketches of the garden. We had mister donuts from last night for breakfast.
• Mori Museum: Saw the exhibition of Heatherwick studios, which was inspiring and educational. Paid for the rooftop access to have a quick view of Tokyo from 50-ish floors up.
• Ginza Wakamatsu: Because of one of the Uniqlo-ginza-exclusive t-shirts, my wife was curious about this traditional Japanese dessert. So we gave it a check and realised it’s been around for more than a century. There was a short line (mainly Japanese elderly). The shop interior transported us back decades. It felt surreal eating a dessert that the Japanese ate centuries ago. It’s certainly doesn’t excite and overwhelm one’s taste buds immediately as modern desserts do. But there’s an old charm to it.
• Shinjuku Okadaya fabric: Returned to Shinjuku as my wife wanted to check out another of their famous fabric stores. Prices were more expensive than fabric town, but somewhat different items.

Day 8 (Thurs) - Kawaguchiko

• Bus to Kawaguchiko: Packed light to Kawaguchiko, and forwarded our remaining luggage to our post-Kawaguchiko hotel in Tamachi. The Shinjuku hotel staff were very helpful. I was merely inquiring on how luggage forwarding was done, but he picked up the phone, called my Tamachi hotel to confirm the booking, and prepared the documents for me. All I had to do was roll my luggage the next night to them and make payment. Booked a 7:45am bus to Kawaguchiko and managed to catch a glimpse of Mount Fuji when we were on our way there!
• Cycling In Kawaguchiko: We lugged our bags to our hotel and headed out again. My wife was quite hesitant about cycling overseas and I was also worried it’d tire her out too much. I debated between cycling or simply taking the sight-seeing bus. Eventually felt it worth it. We unexpectedly walked by an e-bike place and decided - why not? Neither of us had tried an e-bike before and that could reduce the effort required for my wife. So we did and boy was it fun! It took a while to get used to the e-bike but it really reduced a lot of effort up the hills! I barely sweat. Kawaguchiko had pretty narrow roads so it wasn’t the easiest to cycle. But I had plenty of road-cycling experience back at home so I was not very deterred. We borrowed helmets from the e-bike place but saw that we were the only tourists that wore them.
• Kubota Itchiku Art Museum: Cycled here knowing that this museum would interest my wife. She was so enthralled by it. I was kinda sick of museums so I told her I’d wait for her outside. Wife took about 45m inside and even bought a heavy hard-cover book of Itchiku Kubota’s kimono art :/
• Momiji Corridor: was just 50m away. Still beautiful with only green leaves, but I’d imagine it would be majestic in Autumn/Spring.
• Oishi Park: Many beautiful flowers! It’s a pity that it had been cloudy the entire day, and Mt Fuji was not visible. That would have made the cycle perfect. Park was crowded with tourists.

Day 9 (Fri) - Fuji Q Highlands, Shimoyoshida Honcho St, Batting Cage
Planning for Fuji Q & Morning Jog: I didn’t plan to go to Fuji-Q highlands before the trip. Always felt it a bit of a waste to visit amusement parks overseas. That’s until I realised that Fuji Q had some of the most exciting, (I mean world-record-holding) rollercoasters in the world. Perhaps not anymore, but that intrigued me enough, because most amusement parks only had 1-2 coasters. Problem was that wife is terrified, and she said cycling on the streets of Kawaguchiko was like a coaster ride for her. So I decided I would reach at opening time, and buy time by paying for the fast passes and try their top three coasters. The night before, we felt that we had to make decisions on our itinerary as it was our last day at Kawaguchiko. If Mt Fuji wasn’t visible, go to Oshino Hakkai, if it was, we could try going to Shimoyoshida to get a nice picture.

• I took a morning jog that morning and my jaw dropped when I saw Mount Fuji towering over Kawaguchiko. I raced back to tell my wife (about 6am) and we both trekked up to a viewing spot to enjoy the view. This made it more urgent to not spend too much time at Fuji Q as we didn’t know how long Mt. Fuji would be visible for.
• Fuji-Q Highlands: Was absolutely amazing. Yes, I blew a lot of cash here buying fast passes for the three available coasters. But they were some of the craziest coasters. Took Eejanaika, Fujiyama and Takabisha. Total time it took probably a little more than 1 hour with the express passes. It was so good but so fast; I have little memory of it, except that there was a 90 degree climb to the top for Takabisha and I had a beautiful view of Mt. Fuji while climbing to the supposed world record of 79m for Fujiyama. Had more time to take a few other rides, and enjoyed all the Naruto statues around for fun photo-taking. What I really enjoyed about the park was that it was mostly filled with Japanese tourists; in fact, there was a Japanese school having an outing there. It was nice to see excited students running about.
• Shomoyoshida Honcho St: This destination was simply to take the famous street view of Mount Fuji with Japanese shops lined in the foreground. It’s not easy to get to, and there was quite a walk. We noticed there weren’t much people around, and most shops were closed. But when we reached the destination, there were many tourists right at the particular traffic light. So much so there was a grumpy Japanese traffic police person managing the crowd. We saw the worst of tourists that day. People were disobeying traffic laws and just running in the middle of the road just to get a shot. We chanced upon a hidden udon shop and it felt like we were transported back to the 50’s! It was super old school, people sat on raised platforms, and several elderly customers were watching the tele while eating. There was only one udon option available, with free cabbage top-ups. We learnt that the shop had been around for 73 years.
• Batting Cage: I had never played baseball/softball and my home country doesn’t have a baseball culture. Yet I had seen batting cages in Japanese drama and always wanted to try. Loved it! My technique was probably pretty bad! I did well at first but as I tried faster balls, I tired out and failed to hit any haha. We ended the day eating ramen outdoors with a view of Mount Fuji.

Day 10 (Sat) - Kichijoji, Ghibli Museum, Kichijoji Jazz bar
Woke up before sunrise for a run and to attempt to catch a sunrise picture of Mount Fuji. Streets were completely empty. Even ran to the famous Kawaguchiko Lawson for a picture. Headed back for an onsen bathe (note: we never used the hotel bathroom, and always went for an onsen bath throughout our stay in Kawaguchiko). Took a 7am bus to return to Shinjuku.

• Kichijoji: Arrived at Kichijoji at about 10. Wife really loved the vibes there. We we tried the Tsukuba suisan fish cakes which were really tasty, and my wife was intrigued that a line had formed at the adjacent store named Ozasa. Apparently they sell traditional Japanese desserts and locals would go there as early as 5am to get a ticket. So we queued and managed to get three boxes worth of the snacks! Tried the Amane Teriyaki fish-shaped bean paste snacks, another traditional dessert.
• Ghibli Museum: Requires a long walk through Inokashira park. Ghibli was fantastic. Many people have been saying recently that it’s over-rated, and that it doesn’t cater to foreign crowds and most things are in Japanese. We similarly struggled with that at first. But we found out that if you asked the staff, they actually had English language exhibition booklets ready for every exhibition! That was a revelation. And we managed to understand almost all the exhibitions by asking the uniformed staff (except the short film, which had minimal dialogue anyway). I mentioned this to one foreign group and they were really grateful for that. But I saw that many other foreigners that probably came earlier were just bored or simply going crazy at the Ghibli shop. My wife bought the museum book (which also has English explanations of each exhibit), and we understood Miyazaki’s vision for the museum - to make it suitable for kids and adults, with no pre-determined route, allowing for play, exploration, to help people be inspired by the artists’ process. Through that, we saw that everything in the museum was intentionally designed, all of the exhibitions, cafe, shop, and garden. Reading that helped me appreciate and enjoy the museum much more.
• Roaming Kichijoji and Some Time Jazz bar: My wife and I split up to roam kichijoji. I checked out some sports shops and saw that their prices were lower than Ochanomizu. We reconvened for dinner at Sometime Jazz bar. I’m picking up Jazz piano but had never been to a jazz bar. Booked it one day before, but was sad that our table position only allowed us to see some of the drummer and the pianist’s expression. Still, it was a very cool place and we had a wonderful time. We only sat through the first half of the performance that night. Note that there are seating charges, so that + dinner added up to quite a lot. But we rationalised that this was akin to paying for a performance. Checked into our hotel in Tamachi.

Day 11 (Sun) - Tokyo Sky Tree, Shinjuku, Back to Kichijoji, Shibuya
It was a crazy day where we simply hit the places we wanted to revisit regardless of proximity. Headed to Tokyo Skytree in the morning to check out another Ghibli store. If you’re not going to the Ghibli museum, this is probably the best store available. Headed to Shinjuku to try curry udon, then to Kichijoji to try satou beef balls and to make some purchasing decisions on some sports equipment. Then we ended up at Shibuya (my favourite place!) to the mega Don Quijote and Tokyu Hands to shop for gifts for others. It was a lovely end to our trip!
Day 12 (Mon) - Back home
Best trip ever, says my wife.
Tips for travellers

• Spread out your itinerary: If I could I would have front-loaded all the must-see tourist stuff and left the remaining days for shopping. But in May, Ghibli Museum was closed for two weeks so we had no choice but to schedule it at the end of the trip. That was a better arrangement. It felt that each day was distinctly different, and we could remember the highlight of each day. Also, be specific about where you want to go. Don’t simply put locations like - Visit Harajuku, or visit Shibuya crossing.
• Plan your itinerary in consideration of weekend crowds: Places like Tsujiki market, Ghibli Museum, Fuji-Q Highlands and other stuff are likely going to be very crowded on weekends. If you want to shop in Harajuku or Shibuya, try to avoid weekends. I opted to put the cooking class and ‘less-exciting’ Museums on weekends.- Use your telco’s roaming or get an e-sim: My wife and I split up on several occasions, so we already knew the pocket wifi was out of teh question.
• Carry more cash than you think you need: In my experience, the cash-to-card ratio was about 40:60. Considering that all metro card top-ups require cash, you really need more cash that necessary. Sometimes even bigger restaurants are cash only.
• Bring packable tote bags, and use lockers where necessary: If you’re buying stuff, packing them in tote bags makes it easier. Bigger shops will charge you for bags. All stations likely have lockers and they are really affordable and convenient.
• Travel light by planning to do laundry: I only brought four sets of clothing, and we did laundry every 3-4 days or so. It’s really convenient, about 200 yen per 30m wash, and another 200 yen for a 1h dry. It’s worthwhile to check if your hotel has coin laundry available.
• Buy wisely: Many people say the kind of things available at places like Don Quijote or Uniqlo are mind-blowing. Fact is, most of them are made in China or elsewhere. Almost 95% of the items we saw in Daiso were made in China. In fact, many items in Kappabashi street were made in China. You’re more likely to get value for money by buying a made in Japan item. Sometimes the shop will highlight if a product is Japan made. But other times, you have to scrutinise the fine print. Learn to look out for these three words in Kanji: 日本製. This is where the camera function of Google translate is immensely helpful. This was not available or widely publicised when I last visited Japan years back in 2016, so use this tech to your advantage and scrutinise the fine print!
• Plan your toilet trips if possible: If you know you’re headed to low-rise areas like Tsujiki, Fabric town where it’s just shop after shop, it’s going to be hard to find a toilet. Make sure you relieve yourself beforehand at the train station. But if you still need to go, try to find a multi-storey building and chances are, there’ll be toilets available there.
• Avoid queuing for food by timing right: In general, I found that most popular food places that required queuing had queues mainly consisting of foreigners. I wonder if this is because of the reddit/youtube/google maps review effect (not a lot of Japanese review on Google I think). Simply put, almost all food places open at 11am, so be there at 11, or have early dinner at 5pm and perhaps you may avoid the queuing.
• Plan your toilet trips if possible: If you know you’re headed to low-rise areas like Tsujiki, Fabric town where it’s just shop after shop, it’s going to be hard to find a toilet. Make sure you relieve yourself beforehand at the train station. But if you still need to go, try to find a multi-storey building and chances are, there’ll be toilets available there.o
• Scrutinise Google maps to figure out the different train types: for daily travel, there are local, rapid, and express trains. Local trains stop at every station. Rapid skips a few, and express trains likely only stops at key location. They make a big difference to travel time, and to your comfort. When Google maps recommends a route, scrutinise the detail to ensure what kind of train they are recommending. It gets confusing at the station as the platforms on your left and right may end up at the same location, but one could be a local train and the other an express train.
• Learn just 2 essential phrases: I know it may feel weird to some, but just learn to say thank you in Japanese. The other essential word is - summimasen. Useful for if you need to exit a crowded train, or if you need to get someone’s attention. We survived with just these two phrases. As our cooking teacher told us - it’s better to say something in Japanese than say nothing at all. For the rest, you can use Google translate app’s picture function.
• Other misc tips: as mentioned, bring trash bags. Some shops explicitly tell you not to walk around and eat their food. So the solution is to finish the snack in front of the shop, and say, “summimasen, can you help me to throw this trash?” That helped us avoid carrying trash around a lot. As a traveller, you’re gonna get a lot of carbs (a bowl of udon + a bowl of rice....?) and fried food. Try to go to the basements of shopping centres and get yourself some fruits. Also, if you exercise regularly like me, you'd be concerned about getting some exercise. I did pre-trip research on pools/gyms/parks to visit. But visited none of them. I settled with a daily morning routine of 100 squats and 100 pushups. That and walking an average of 18k steps daily helped. I actually lost some weight somehow.

Observations

• Drinking culture in Japan: we saw quite a few drunk people in the streets. Some of them at the parks. I had never really seen drunkards much in my home country (it could be because I don’t stay out late). When we walked by a bar area with our cooking instructor, he told us some of the people in them had been there overnight.
• The Japanese sleep late: when we arrived, we were still on the train to our hotel at 11:50. But the train was still packed with salarymen in suits and many others. In fact, it seemed the later it was, the more crowded the trains.
• Foreigner influx and how they stick out: there were way more foreigners this time than the last I visited Japan. I tended to feel very uncomfortable when large groups of foreigners were around. I had to tell myself not to be hypocritical as I was a foreigner myself. But I suppose one reason is that there were many inconsiderate foreigners. Speaking loudly, making brash comments, and just not behaving like visitors. We saw a foreign couple snuggling each other on a picnic mat in a park full of families. And they chose a spot right next to the footpath. Many foreigners also leave unkind Google reviews for places just because it’s not up to their expectations. I get it, we worked for our holiday and are paying customers, and there is often an innate tendency to feel entitled or complain when something isn’t up to our expectations. But I think it helps to remember that we are like visitors in someone’s home. Be self-aware, don’t speak loudly, note the traffic customs, where to stand on the escalators, how to behave etc.
• Japanese men have great hair: the Japanese men’s hairstyle feels frozen in time. I didn’t see the typical Korean-inspired center-parted hairstyles in Asian guys nowadays. And balding men were a small minority somehow. As someone whose hairline is slowly receding, I was envious to see many Japanese men have wavy long hair deep into their 60-70s! My wife commented that the women's hairstyles were more or less the same - dyed, curled etc. But the men were rocking so many styles!
• Window shopping still matters: as the days went by, my wife and I began to covet the "made-in-Japan" label, we realised that we hadn't done such window shopping in years. Since online shopping became prevalent, we hadn't done any window shopping. I also recall people commenting that you could get these goods online anyway, so why bother shopping in Japan. Well, window shopping makes comparison easy, it allows you to ask for recommendations, and enables you to know the items's size, feel, and look on you (if buying fashion items). It also makes discovery of new items possible. I'm not a huge shopper or a foodie, but in Japan, it's worth it to be one. I suppose it's a blessing in disguise that our honeymoon got delayed 3 years, as we now know our post-marriage lifestyles and the items we'd need in the kitchen/around the house.

Hi All,
​
So apparently I don't qualify to withdraw super for financial hardship because I don't receive payment from the government.
​
A little backstory. I am a full-time perm employee, earning about 100k before tax, you may be wondering why you need to withdraw super due to financial hardship. well, don't want to include many details because my situation isn't that common... but let's say from something that isn't my doing, I am severely in debt, divorced, and living on about 20$ a week to eat. What are my options here? I have no assets whatsoever (not anymore at least) and I am boarding, not renting, I did not know super during covid 10k thing, but yea that's my fault. what are my options to get some of my super (about 200k balance), I need about 15-20k to get out of this debt now (after 3 hellish years) I know its close but its gotten so severe and it put a huge toll on my mental health to survive this long on this, I just want this done, and super is MY MONEY! why can't I use it to get out of this situation? I sometimes think of just getting a quote from the dentist and taking out money and just not using it for the dentist. I'm this tired of this situation. /rant.