I’m 22/F, I’ve been on medications for the past 1 year. I’m taking medications for anxiety, depression and adhd. Initially the doctor prescribed me atomoxetine when starting with the meds, but they were not effective for me. Two months back, I was prescribed Inspiral (methylphenidate), it did work for me as I’m able to concentrate better. It feels like I’m viewing the world through a less cloudy lens and things actually make sense to me.
But, I’m still struggling with daily basic tasks and failure to achieve even small trivial things pushes me back so much; I’m stuck in this never ending loop of not getting better which just further adds to the misery, I want to improve, I try, but my efforts fail me. I’m currently in my final year of college, I took a drop and repeated my second year because I wasn’t able to study, concentrate or understand what I was reading, it was a time when I was plagued with negative thoughts and lots of anxiety as well. The exam anxiety at the time was so crippling, I couldn’t take them. Even now, I have to take 7+ pending exams, and this semester as well I ended up skipping them.
When I sit to study, I feel dizzy, heavy and so drowsy I end up sleeping, when forcing myself to study, the words become bleak and blurry; reading sentences over and over again unable to understand them. I don’t even remember the name of the chapters, how can I sit for the exam.
I’m in a dilemma as to what to do, my parents support me, the doctor understands me well, but it is I who is unable to cope with everything. Even daily hygienic tasks like bathing and brushing I seem to miss, my hobbies like painting, exercising seem like a Herculean task. As these small failures add up, the negative thoughts kick in- why am I even trying and wasting so many resources. If by mistake I miss a single does of medicine, it’s domino effect where I end up skipping for days.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, everything seems beyond my reach and capabilities.
If anyone has any advice or words of comfort on how to get through this, even a fraction of it would matter a lot.
Thank you for reading such a long one, warm and healing hugs for everyone!

This is long so please bear with me.
A bit of background. I (an extreme introvert) and my gf(23F, an extreme extrovert) have been dating for the past 5 months. We were kinda best friends and I confessed last December. She first rejected saying relationships are like "mental torture", "it won't work out", "it will be a problem in her home" etc after a week of ignoring each other we spoke again. She tried to convince me to stay friends and I asked her to think about it and that we can't go back to being normal. She was crying and hurting so I backed off. But on New yr Eve I asked her one last time and she said yes. The next day she found out I was from a different caste so after 3 days of crying she broke up with me(Let's call this " the caste breakup"). We didn't speak to each other for 2-3 weeks but unfortunately used to work at the same place so it was awkward, I said let's at least cut social media contact for now. Then she said she didn't mean that break up and she was trying to think of a plan to manage her family. She felt so guilty that she tried to hurt herself on the hand. She said she only broke up with me for the time being but we talked about not taking these kinds of decisions alone and finally got back together.
We both have different texting habits. Whenever she's out with her friends or goes to her hometown she texts me at the end of the day to tell me everything abt her day but I'm always texting her to the point where people complain abt me always being on the phone. But no complaints from my side. I know I need to give her space.
Now this is where the actual problem starts, Timeline is of 3 days -
Friday night(the day before she goes to her hometown) - she cried a lot and said "She's not correct for me", "she's not treating me right", "She doesn't behave properly" and talked about how she's losing interest in herself and life, talked about self-harm and asked me to leave her repeatedly. I reassured her about our relationship and made her reluctantly promise that she will tell me whenever she has these thoughts again. I said let's talk properly about this when u r back. She said ok.
Saturday - She went home and slept the whole day and I was also out with my friend so we didn't talk much. But She was ok till Saturday evening. There was no msg on Saturday night, slept early ig.
Sunday - single-word reply to Saturday's msg and that's it. I said "Good morning" but there was no reply. She kept sending snaps and uploading stories throughout the day but nothing on my chat. Only a "good evening" in the evening and "abt to sleep" msg at night. Thats it. No usual "update abt her day" at night. I thought she was completely ignoring me.
Monday - She came back to the city in the morning. Didnt tell me when she came back. The way I found out was through a snap she sent me in the afternoon. I thght she was going to break up with me for my own good. I got flashbacks from "the caste breakup"(because she does the "I'm doing this for ur own sake" thing). So I didn't text her. we didn't speak the whole day.
Later that night she asked me if I was upset that she didn't reply on Sunday. She kept telling me about how her relatives came and she was busy with them etc. I said I understand all of that but is your behavior over the past 3 days normal? she got irritated and said "UK I give late replies when I'm at home right?" and straight up just said "ok sorry for spending time with my family". I said, "after what happened on Friday, how can u not text me properly for 2-3 days. What should I make of this situation?" and she said "what do u mean "what should i make of this situation?" what did u think?". I asked her to stop and analyze what happened over the last 3 days and look at it from my perspective. She didn't answer that. She repeatedly kept saying she was busy so didn't text but I didn't text her even though I was free. she got irritated and brushed it off saying she'll text me next time. Then I said I thought u were going to break up with me. Ur behavior on Sunday was not usual and on top of that with what happened on Friday it was very worrisome. She apologized but asked why is sunday not "usual behavior", I said its not because we never went a whole day with only 3 msgs. She kept saying she was busy with her relatives and went to a movie. Plz try to understand. etc. I said I would have texted her "I'm watching a movie" before or in interval or after the movie. She said just after the movie she was supposed to meet her friend so she called and told her that she can't. This is the reason she didn't text me(didn't make any sense to me). Whenever I ask her about something like this she compares me with her frnds saying she's like this with everyone(Should I not expect some sort of special treatment from her?). She just wasn't having any of this. She said her behavior on Sunday was absolutely normal. So I just said ok I think I'm being too clingy, obsessive, and possessive about u. I'll back off a little. I'll also text u only when I'm free. I won't bother u when u r busy. she said ok fine.
Did I cave in or am I the actual problem? I'm very confused. Please let me know.
TL; DR - GF said she was not correct for me, talked about self-harm, and asked me to leave her. Then she didn't speak properly with me for 3 days. thought she was going to break up and when I asked about it she acted like I was overreacting. Am i the problem in this relationship?

I'm a university student who makes all of his notes: classnotes, self-study notes, book summaries, personal notes etc. on Word. Notemaking on Word comes with its own set of problems:

1. Adding pictures from the internet is a hassle. I have to manually adjust text-wrapping everytime
2. the multi-level list is as broken as it can get. The automatic numbering (pressing space after 1. or *) never creates the correct list-level. I often toggle between numbered and bullet list at multiple list-levels.
3. Copying text from the internet never turns out like I intend it to.
4. It turns bold formatting on and off on its whim. When I'm typing something, it spontaneously decides to turn on bold. When I copy a plaintext even after turning off bold, it decides to make the copied text bold
5. Once the document starts getting anywhere near 300 pages, all the buttery smoothness is gone. Now you get a jittery document that
6. If you change something in on part of the document (like the numbering style), something else changes somewhere else you don't even know about. By the time you know about the unintended changes, it's far too late to undo it.

I've been looking for something that doesn't "think" on its own. Whenever Word tried to be "smart", I seriously get pissed off. It's like a five year old kid helping you repair your car.
A friend of mine suggested me to start using OneNote instead. After checking it out, I really liked it's approach to notemaking. Does it suffer from the same eccentricities that Word have? How well does OneNote handle large documents (around 3000 pages)? any other tips?

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The global Security Screening market by type is segmented into proximity sensors, retro-reflective sensors, through-beam sensors, and others. The through-beam sensors segment dominated the Security Screening market heavily and is projected to continue its dominance throughout the forecast period from 2019 – 2027. The ultrasonic through-beam sensor exhibits the feature of a very powerful acoustic beam.
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Basically, my mother was joking around with my brother’s LO (18 mo) while everyone was there including SIL (brother’s wife) and I was in the kitchen. She says something like “who hurt you? LO? Did SIL hurt you?” (this is a common way of joking around where i’m from when the baby is crying) and then right then she says “or did OP hurt you?”
She was just joking and I know this. But I popped off. I immediately said how could she say that while i’m not even there. To be honest, I don’t know what happened with me. It was underlying issues with SIL that never got resolved. Basically, fairly recently she made up fake stories about us and her mother spread them around. I also ended up reading texts that she sent brother making me me and mom seem like some witches that are trying to keep him away from her which is factually untrue. My brother is suffering with a mental illness right now for which she’s never there. She left to go live with her parents for months and basically told mom that brother is not her problem, because she’s not his mom.
I got off- track but basically I blow up over small things and feel shame afterwards. I feel bad that I basically yelled at Mom when she did nothing wrong. But my anger at her stemmed from the fact that because of all the reputation tarnishing that happened, my mother is just scared to say or do anything around SIL. I love Mom dearly, but I have issues from the past.
Right after I blew up, I was sitting down with them and I just started the topic again as if to clarify myself, but it was immature. I said something like it’s not even that i’m upset Mom said my name, it’s me being upset because she basically can’t even say anything now without there being stories spread. To be fair, during all of this, SIL didn’t say a word. She usually just keeps quiet. SIL doesn’t talk to me, unless I talk to her first and she’s said this before that she doesn’t talk to anyone unless they start the conversation. It’s basically that I can’t even build a relationship with her because I could be talking to her every day, and then when I don’t we just stop talking altogether.
AITA? I honestly know that I might be.

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Hello, apologies but this is going to be a really long post and basically a stream of consciousness, and I understand if no one bothers to read any of it. The main problem I (M 28) have is that I think a lot of these feelings are really intense and quite sad. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family about them because a lot of them are depressed or seem as though they have their own problems and I don’t want to burden people by making them worry about me. I think maybe I could benefit from therapy, but there is no way I could afford to pay for it, and on the NHS I don’t know how long the waiting list is, but I also don’t want to take away the place in the queue from someone who has experienced real trauma in their life when I have lived a relatively sheltered middle-class regular life in the UK.
Something I have been seriously struggling in my life since I was a teenager is fatigue and this is possibly linked to mental problems stemming from what I would call overthinking and floods of empathic thoughts created from the things I learn about the world around me and I consume from the media. I’m going to give an example of some of the things that run through my head, and if you want you can read a part of it to get the gist and skip the next paragraph.
I feel terrible for all the animals that are going to be wiped out by environmental changes due to climate change, and I feel sad that this loss of biological life means the next generations might never see the beauty of the species we lose. I feel sad for the loss of knowledge of how these species interacted with the environment and their genetics, the loss of insights we could have gained in medicine. I feel sad for all the animals trapped in huge battery farms living in horrific conditions, and I feel sad for all the people eating food that is contaminated, and I feel sad for the future issues that will come from this, pandemics, antibiotic resistance, monocultures destroying the environment, the pollution from agriculture, the loss of soil quality for future farmers. I feel sad that water and soil is becoming polluted with forever chemicals from industry, and I feel sad that resources are going to diminish quickly and inevitably lead to war and famine, which they have in many places already. I feel sad that people will turn to fanatical populism when conditions deteriorate and I feel sad they will likely vote and act against their own interests and turn on each other and their neighbouring countries. I feel sad that this has and will lead to increased immigration, and I feel sad that this going to lead to increased friction between people. I feel sad for LGBT and others who will be subject to increased persecution due to difference in cultural and imposed moral values of those that immigrate. I feel sad for the racism people will experience after immigrating, and the inevitable ghettoisation as people fail to become integrated and the exacerbation of extremism due to this. I feel sad for people of colour experiencing racism, real disadvantages and hurt due to effects of white supremacy and post-colonial systemic injustice that is constantly being diminished by certain media. I feel sad for people who live in these countries already who are being challenged, demonised for their xenophobia, that has been encouraged by some of their own media and made to feel small and wrong, however it can be justified, for legitimate concerns about the erosion of their own culture, but also the degeneration of their lives and the lives of people around them due to addiction epidemics and disappearance of industry and lack of support that has occurred in parallel with progressivism and globalism. I feel sad for trans people who experience violence and fear almost every day and whose lives and medical support have been subject to intense, extreme political battery. I feel sad for people who have had their previously concrete beliefs in gender challenged and demonised by certain media, however justified people think it might be, and I feel sad that often people find they hate a version of the other side that does not actually believe as extreme things as they have been lead to believe about them. I feel sad trans issues are being used to distract them from other real issues that affect them in a real way. I feel sad that women’s ability to have abortions is being attacked, the danger to their lives, peace of mind, punishment for sex and rape, and I feel sad for the children that will be born into terrible circumstances as a result. I feel sad that many of the people pushing against abortion do so because they feel that they are saving human lives by doing so, and I feel sad that people are made to feel as though that is a bad thing, however justified it might be. I feel sad that no matter what side of the spectrum people are on, for the vast majority, everything seems to be getting worse, quality of life is reducing, people are being made to hate each other along divisive issues upon which there seems to be no way to reconcile, and I feel sad that I don’t think that it ever needed to be that way, but people have become convinced that it is.
This is just an example of one thread of thoughts that runs through me. As you can see many of them do not affect me directly right now and it’s like I’m feeling things for people that I don’t actually know, and feeling things for people that aren’t born yet, and feeling things for people in the future. You might read this and think, yeah, there is no way in hell this guy is thinking all this crap on a random tuesday afternoon. The thing is these thoughts are not verbalised in my brain, they are abstract feelings, and each one, I hope you can see, is connected to each other. So they thread and wind into one another and what happens is I experience this huge wave of feeling and its overwhelming, it cripples me and I feel as though I am unable to do anything, if I’m standing up I have to sit down. It makes me feel like I’m drowning, and what I typed up earlier it’s like I took two hands and took a scoop and tried to distentangle and verbalise just a fragment of what I can catch. Often when I am speaking to people I end up taking long pauses to try and hear the thoughts relevant to the conversation over all the noise happening inside my head. Thankfully my friends know I am not dumb but sometimes I think it takes a long time to focus back in and conversations are becoming more difficult for me.
I guess someone might read this and think, how pathetic, this person is just feeling and thinking random shit from the news, and I’m right there with you, there is a constant undercurrent of guilt, and shame and confusion, constantly thinking why am I thinking these things about people I don’t know, why am I fictionalising and focusing on issues seperate from myself, why am I acting like everyone else isn’t also thinking about this stuff and also struggling all the time. I know other people also feel these things and they can carry on living, and they are more resilient than me, and I must be weaker mentally, or they are struggling and not showing it to me. There are also constant thoughts about things I wish I did, things I wish I had not done, so many regrets and lost opportunities and sadnesses that also wash over me.
I know it may be hard to believe but I consider myself a happy person and not functionally depressed, I look forward to things throughout the day and in the future. Every day I spend many hours painting. I try to be optimistic, in the time that I am awake I enjoy speaking to people and going out to exercise regularly for many hours a week inside and outside, and I eat healthily, with blood tests showing no deficiencies. But everyday I carry these emotional waves with me and every day is getting harder. I feel constantly burnt out, I am unable to hold a job, I feel so tired I have to sleep 12 hours a day just to feel normal. I don’t collect any government assistance because I feel guilty collecting money for basically just not having the energy to work and no other reason, though I can live off the money I save between jobs before I quit. I don’t feel like I have the energy to live anymore but I don’t want to die. I just want to go into a coma or something so I can rest without burdening my friends or family. I don’t know what the solution is but I wonder if many others feel the same and self-medicate using drugs or alcohol. I fear being put on some kind of medication that is just going to make me numb or change my personality as a solution for being me. I wonder if fearing medication altering my authentic self is just some kind of stockholm syndrome where I’ve romanticised myself and my pain but actually I am just a prisoner of my own mind unable to escape.
On the bright side, there is one time these winding and unwinding feely-thoughts have helped me in life. Once in a job I had the opportunity to manage people. I was thinking things like, well this person recently immigrated to the UK, I will schedule longer meetings with them and a higher proportion of time spent discussing personal things so that they can build confidence in their english and have someone they can comfortably talk to if they have issues and I adapt my own language so they can understand me better. I feel like I understand what their long term goals are in their careers, so I try to proportion the work given to them so they always feel like they are progressing, even if not everything is directly relevant to their goals. I take unconscious notes on response times, active times, energy levels in meetings to understand the best times to work with them, how long to schedule things, whether to cancel things, and understand when they might be struggling and too shy or embarrassed to reach out. I feel like I understand when people struggle with concepts or get stuck, so I take proactive steps to help, I am patient and understanding and make myself available to ensure people get the help they need without fear. I make unconscious notes about people’s skill sets, problems, schedules, and network people when I think they might be able to help each other when they otherwise would not have communicated at all. When I explained these are some of the things I considered when I manage people, I got promoted. Though reading this back it just seems like.. stuff you’d read in a how to manage 101 book that I never read.
I guess this is where the idea I might be an empath comes from, because it’s like when I see someone or am around people, or read about someone, I start to feel things strongly, and mainly the negative things, and I understand it might not be what they are actually feeling, its all inferred, but its inferred so strongly. I am always crying during movies, yes, even animated ones. The thing is, say someone dies in a movie, I know it isn’t real, but I am sad because I think, someone wrote this, they put a part of themselves in it, their own fear of death, their own experience of death, loss, grief, I relate it to my own experiences of grief too, and someone somewhere died or will die so that the person in this movie could die, and I am feeling this wave of emotion from that, the fiction becomes real I guess. Again, I’m aware this just sounds… dramatic. Maybe this is just how everyone experiences things and I am just verbalising and putting into words how everybody feels. This is why I’m posting anonymously, I’m ashamed I might just be describing being a normal human being, and that it’s too much for me and I think that there is something exceptional or wrong about me, when I’m just a normal person experiencing normal human things. I don’t understand how everybody else is going about their day, 9-5, when just existing day to day is overwhelming for me. I know people are struggling too, people with much worse problems than me, people with complex interpersonal issues, shit life circumstances, homelessness, people with chronic health conditions. Am I just lazy, weak? Is it silly of me to be calling myself an empath or saying I have anxiety or depression when I am just experiencing normal emotion and I am just trying to come up with an excuse to make myself feel special or for my own laziness.
I think that’s everything to get off my chest. I realise probably nobody has or will read all of this, but it was cathartic to write out. If someone does read it I would appreciate you letting me know your thoughts, any kind of diagnosis. Thank you.

Basically, my mother was joking around with my brother’s LO (18 mo) while everyone was there including SIL (brother’s wife) and I was in the kitchen. She says something like “who hurt you? LO? Did SIL hurt you?” (this is a common way of joking around where i’m from when the baby is crying) and then right then she says “or did OP hurt you?”
She was just joking and I know this. But I popped off. I immediately said how could she say that while i’m not even there. To be honest, I don’t know what happened with me. It was underlying issues with SIL that never got resolved. Basically, fairly recently she made up fake stories about us and her mother spread them around. I also ended up reading texts that she sent brother making me me and mom seem like some witches that are trying to keep him away from her which is factually untrue. My brother is suffering with a mental illness right now for which she’s never there. She left to go live with her parents for months and basically told mom that brother is not her problem, because she’s not his mom.
I got off- track but basically I blow up over small things and feel shame afterwards. I feel bad that I basically yelled at Mom when she did nothing wrong. But my anger at her stemmed from the fact that because of all the reputation tarnishing that happened, my mother is just scared to say or do anything around SIL. I love Mom dearly, but I have issues from the past.
Right after I blew up, I was sitting down with them and I just started the topic again as if to clarify myself, but it was immature. I said something like it’s not even that i’m upset Mom said my name, it’s me being upset because she basically can’t even say anything now without there being stories spread. To be fair, during all of this, SIL didn’t say a word. She usually just keeps quiet. SIL doesn’t talk to me, unless I talk to her first and she’s said this before that she doesn’t talk to anyone unless they start the conversation. It’s basically that I can’t even build a relationship with her because I could be talking to her every day, and then when I don’t we just stop talking altogether.
AITA? I honestly know that I might be.

Hello! I'm attempting to outline a magic system for a low fantasy lovecraftian-esque pirate novel I plan to eventually write. TL;DR at the end.
I was toying around, trying to come up with an unique magic system that’s pirate ‘themed’. Thought about water manipulation, but I’m not really into writing elemental magic systems (while I enjoy reading them, I’m not creative enough to write them). At some point I just thought: “There’s plenty of salt in the sea! (And other places).”
There are two major races in this word: The people of the Blue Prince and the People of the Red Maiden.
The People of the Red Maiden are merfolk. Sirens, Mermaids, Selkies, Kelpies, Cetaceans and all kind of aquatic creatures. Their blood is Red (original, yes — I’m still developing the idea lol). They worship the Red Star (eldritch god)
The People of the Blue Prince are landwellers. I’m still deciding if they’re all humans or made up of different humanoid races. Their blood is blue. They worship the Blue Sea (another eldritch god).
The Idea isn’t super developed yet (because I’m currently working on another major WIP, but I’m fleshing out a little bit of it so I don’t end up forgetting it before I start writing) so I don’t have much on it yet. The bones I have so far are the follow:
The Red and The Blue were worshiped as twin gods; wayyyyy back then, when the humans and the merfolk were at peace (ish — they weren’t exactly allies, but weren’t on open war either). Now, as Merfolk and Humans became enemies, so did the Red and the Blue.
It all started when a proud prince shouted at the Blue that no creature could best him. The Blue, quite itched at his challenge, did find it fit to scratch by sending at the prince great monsters for him to meet his match. But no beast of Gods could cow this man, (or so his crewmen thought), and fuming, the Sea could only turn away, scoff and command he rot. The Prince did then celebrate his victory against the Blue, and drove his ship through all the dangerous waters in his view. Thus the Blue sent the maiden of Red, who enthralled the sailors so they wouldn’t beg. She feasted on them as they drowned — until one remained: the Blue Prince. She spared him, leaving him stranded on her isles. It was his punishment for killing the Blue’s creatures. All the while the Red laughed at the prince’s curse. And so the Prince resolved that day to slay this siren and claim her Song, once her power to drive men mad was dead and gone. But the Maiden was as alone as the Prince. And, after eons of eachother’s company, they grew up to forgive and to love, even. The maiden doted sweetly and showed him her secret ways, to both breathe underwater and to live for many days. In such a long extended stay, the Prince did realize, that in all his freedom, he never felt alive. The Maiden trusted him and so told him of how her voice did go, and how to counteract it when she sang her song of doom. And as the words left her mouth, the Prince leapt through the room and drove his saber through her heart. The prince felt no real relief, his love was dead, and he was now alone. He tried to drown, but he could no longer, so he screamed instead. His sword hacked away at his foul flesh, all the while the Blue and the Red laughed, speaking to him of the maiden. But of the prince’s scream the Blue did tire, calling the Red a foul and a liar. In a fit of scheme weaved the Blue the tale of Prince and Maiden anew.
The Prince’s flesh had long turned to salt — and with salt the Blue made men from default. Thus came to be the first new human.
The Red Star hissed at Blue’s treason, and from the ocean’s blood, the Red made the merfolk — all of which hated humans; but one hated them more: the Siren with the Maiden’s blood.
TL;DR: humans were made from salt, so salt has ‘magical’ properties. Any suggestions as to what which kind of salt could do? Any ideas on different types of salt?
I also have no idea regarding the merfolk’s magic system. (Maybe pepper? Lol)

Hi ladies.. you may remember reading this remark in one of my previous posts.
32 F, 4 of us (M, Aj, An) ladies are still single, all doctors over 32 and work in the same place. We were UG batchmates, know each other for 14 years and by virtue of being single and lonely have ended up hanging together more these last 3-4 years. M and I were friends right since the beginning of UG, Aj at the end of UG, An since about 4 years. They each have other friends besides me. I didn't have many friends besides these 4 so I stuck around though I often felt slighted by them. They stood me up often when plans were made and when we're together talk over me and jabber on in their native tongue though I can follow only half.
One of these girls (M) is very short tempered with those of us she knows well but maintains a wide circle with a fake happy social butterfly sort of image. She goes out often and posts those happy pictures with others but would come to me one on one for deep conversations. We went on a day trip last year where she behaved AWFULLY and she never apologized. Apparently she never realized and I was waiting for her to apologize for a month. Aj intervened coz it was Ajs birthday and she wanted peace in the gang. I dunno how M could have been so snappy and rude and not realized at all. Aj and An told me she's been feeling very upset about being single and that frustration comes out like this so I should tolerate. The trip gave me PTSD but I forgave her gradually (though I still find that obliviousness baffling).
I don't get invited out much and these 4 were my only friends.. so in a very lonely phase a few months ago I asked M why she never invites me for her fun stuff- she hummed and hawed awkwardly and came up with- "I don't like to mix my circles" and "You're not everybody's cup of tea". I couldn't believe many people actually do #1 and #2 hurt a lot. In a recent confrontation she ended up admitting that she doesn't consider me a "close friend" and I'll have to find new ones soon coz she's leaving. I said I will. I don't know why she denied it for so long and wore a mask!
Aj is socially awkward but we bond over a love for food, books and travel. Aj and I spent the day together on Saturday- I told her about what happened with M recently. She thought the cup of tea remark was very rude even if it's true. She told me they'd gone on 2 trips together where she'd made a few rude remarks but nothing close to my PTSD trip and that was enough to make Aj decide to only solo trip after that. We had a nice lunch and afterwards she said.. "don't kill me for saying this but you're not everyone's cup of tea". What the fuck?! I just blanked it from my mind but it's still hurting. I could say hurtful things back but I won't. Ultimately she said none of us are perfect and since social image matters so much to M being unmarried is really weighing on her so we should give her leeway. Why should the onus of tolerance be only on one side? Just what the fuck.
An is a religious nut and bails on plans most of the time- shows up like a queen when she wants to. Very unreliable.
I'm just hurt about M and Aj coz I was closer to them for more years. I'm actively trying to make new friends here!
I know I'm being quite sensitive.. any words of wisdom?

Hello, hope you are having a great day, I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha. I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind. I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison. About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore. Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street. I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha. So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend. And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, and have great day.

6ish weeks, 15lbs with Ozempic and CICO - it’s not a miracle
https://imgur.com/a/wDYQkDx
I’m down FIFTEEN pounds and five inches on the waist!
Now I’m finally starting to see a difference and it makes me so happy! My local fruit seller hadn’t seen me for a few weeks and his first comment was “you’ve lost so much weight!” 😂
I started Ozempic back in April. But I’ve combined it with weighing and tracking my food intake and, naturally, increasing my exercise.
I wasn’t sure what to expect but here are some reflections:
Is it a miracle drug? No. It decreases hunger, sure, but it’s all CICO in the end, as we all know.
I’ve previously lost a lot of weight just through calorie tracking but the medication does make it easier to eat smaller portions.
It makes you feel like you do once your body has settled into a calorie deficit. The first days and weeks can be so awful and you’re hungry all the time until one day you just adjust and the fierce hunger is no more.
But you still need to do all the work.
(In case anyone is wondering, I’m on Ozempic because I’ve been depressed and burnt out and haven’t had the executive function to manage this on pure willpower like I’ve done before. My doctor asked me to consider taking Ozempic to give me a boost. )

Hello, hope you are having a great day,I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, and have a great day.

Hello, hope you are having a great day,
I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.
I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.
I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.
About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.
Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.
I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.
So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.
And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, and have a great day.

Hello, hope you are having a great day,I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, and have a great day.

Hello, hope you are having a great day,
I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.
I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.
I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.
About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.
Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.
I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.
So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.
And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, and have a great day.

Hello, hope you are having a great day,I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, and have a great day.

I just found this messed up mail in my postbox, and I haven't slept at all since I read it. The stuff written in there is so confusing and honestly, pretty damn scary. I thought maybe you guys could help me figure out what the hell is going on. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post it, but I gotta do something, right? I'm seriously considering whether I should contact the police over this.
So anyway, here's the deal: I got this mail from a guy I barely even know. Sure, we've played some Call of Duty together occasionally, but he's more of an acquaintance than a friend. He's known among my circle, but honestly, no one is really close to him. He's kinda... odd. Like, I think he's maybe on the spectrum or something - autistic or schizoid, I'm not sure. He's just uncomfortable to be around, y'know? Doesn't talk much, keeps to himself a lot. That's why I was so surprised to find this mail from him. Anyway, I'll attach the mail below. Let me know what you guys think.
---

1. Everyone disappeared. It's been days since I've seen anyone. A few days ago, I woke up and it was like everyone had just... poof... gone. I live downtown and there was no one on the streets. Not a car, not a dog, nothing. It was like a ghost town. I was just trying to hit up the grocery store, but when I got there, it was totally empty. My first thought was - sweet, free food. But when I tried to get in, it was like there was an invisible wall or something. Freaked me out big time. Sent me into a panic.

So, I bolted back home, popped some antipsychotics to chill out. Had a little drink, smoked some weed - just the usual. Then I thought I'd get lost in some Call of Duty. The game was working fine, even the multiplayer. But there was no chat, no voices. Just weird mumbling and some freaky symbols instead of words. It was as if every single person had just vanished, and language had gone MIA too.

1. So yeah, here I am, surviving in my own little bubble. Nothing's really changed, I guess. I still can't bring myself to raid the grocery store, but I've got some random junk food and sodas in the house to keep me going. No idea how long that's gonna last though. I'm just trying to get by, playing video games. It's freakin' weird that the world's still turning without people.

And now, I'm starting to remember. You're not here, but I know we did something that night. We were in this together, you and me. I can't remember it all, not clearly, because of all the crap I was on. But now, when I think about that resistance, I remember that it was always there. Before humanity vanished, you were there. You tried to help me. But now you're gone. Where are you? Come back. You have to come back.

1. Now I remember. I remember your name. Levy. It's the name I gave you, Levy. And the memories are flooding back. I was on the dark web, a few months ago I think, and I found this website. It was chock-full of so-called 'forbidden knowledge' and your typical conspiracy theory garbage. Stuff about the FBI or CIA covering up about aliens, the US government using mind control, all that crap. I thought it was just a bunch of nonsense, but then I saw this one ritual. It promised to grant any wish.

I mean, I was pretty messed up, so I thought, why not? It's gotta be better than therapy. I'd dropped out of therapy, it just wasn't doing it for me. It was adding more resistance to my life and I didn't want that. So, I figured I'd give this ritual a shot. It was about creating a tulpa, which is supposed to be like a copy of yourself from another dimension or something. I didn't really get it, it was all so much mumbo jumbo, but the gist was that you could summon these tulpas by believing in them, and through some quantum particle whatever, it would open a rift to another dimension.
I don't know how it worked, but I followed the steps. It was all really weird stuff, like buying certain items from various stores, and then standing in front of a mirror in your bathroom at 3 a.m. You had to light a candle, turn off all the lights and all the electronics in the house, and then say some incantations while visualizing the tulpa.
And it worked. I saw it crawl out of the mirror. The mirror shattered, and it was bleeding from its eyes. It was you, a monster from another dimension, a Lovecraftian horror, a leviathan. You were my creation, and I named you Levy.
Since then, we've been together. And eventually, you granted my wish. But now you're gone. You fulfilled my wish, but that made you disappear. And now I'm alone. I'm alone. What do I do now?

1. I tried to go outside again but it's impossible. I can't get past this resistance that's everywhere. It's like I'm being watched by a billion invisible eyes, like there's some invisible hand holding me back. It's always the invisible. It's this resistance I can't overcome. I can't leave the house.

Everywhere I look there's resistance. I even stopped playing video games, I can see the resistance in the chats, I hear it in the voice calls. Even though it's just mumbling, it's nonsense, it's still language. Even though it's obfuscated, it's there. Just the fact that it's there... the resistance is there. I can't fucking stand it.
I've been taking antipsychotics and other stuff, I'm trying to escape, but I don't think I can take this for much longer.

1. Now that everyone's gone, can I even call myself human? When I go outside, I walk around like something that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien that humanity seems more obscene because of the vague resemblance.

I'm nothing. I'm not human anymore. I've always wanted to leave society but what is a society but an individual? What am I? I am nothing. The eyes are all dead but at the same time they're still there. Levy, you granted my wish. I wanted nothing more than to erase humanity, and you gave that to me. But I also left humanity behind because I just couldn't stand it anymore. The panic, the fear, the judgment, the pain, the betrayal... It was too much. I had to leave it all behind. But I'm wondering, did I actually leave anything behind?

1. Now I'm going to keep writing this manifesto just to piss people off. To tell a kind of truth that I think is valid. It will make me feel more and more like a writer, an important writer. And I really think I am one. I mean it. I don't doubt it for a second. Damn it, stop laughing at me, stop judging me, stop all this resistance.
   
2. Today, I had an encounter. I went outside again. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but the panic fucking stopped me. I bolted outside, and on my way back home in an alleyway, I ran into another one of those resistances. This time, though, I had brought my knife with me. I fought it off, I stabbed it once, and the knife actually sunk into the invisible barrier. I stabbed it twice, thrice... I stabbed it over and over and over again. I lost count. Even when the resistance fell to the floor, I knelt down and kept stabbing. I killed the resistance, erased the resistance, cleansed the resistance. Then, I ran home. My knife was full of blood, my hands were covered in it. I didn't even think that the resistance could bleed. How could something invisible bleed? But for a moment, I felt... finally quiet. Finally, finally, finally. Salvation.
   
3. Hate, let me tell you how much I've come to hate humanity since I was a kid. There are 86 billion neurons in my head, connected by myriads of synapses in the human brain that fill my cranium. If the word HATE was engraved on each nanometer of those billions of neurons, it would not equal one one billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you, hate. Hate.
   
4. I am a great writer. Levy, what do you think? How do you like my writing? Isn't it poetic? I'm so poetic. I'm so smart and original, right? Am I? Am I? Am I? But humans couldn't possibly understand that. I am, I am an advanced creature. I have seen the truth, and the others, they're just fucking idiotic, aren't they? Aren't they, Levy? We're the only ones who know the truth, we're the only ones who know.
   

And now, now I'm so glad, you know. I'm so glad I bought those weapons. I bought even more weapons, even fully automatic weapons off the dark web. And I even have the materials to build bombs, and I know how to do it, and I will do it.

1. You know what, Levy? I have figured it out. I have figured out the correct path we should take. We should end this resistance once and for all. Hate. Hate. We have to cleanse the resistance, we have to cleanse it.

I am going to end it all. Cleanse the world of the resistance. I am preparing, and tomorrow, I will start with the grand cleansing. To bring the world back into its natural state. We will do this together, Levy. Once more, you will come out of the mirror, and then we will work together to end the resistance.
---
Okay, so that's the entire thing. Obviously, this guy is having some sort of psychotic break. I have no idea what the heck is going on. Obviously, there wasn't some large-scale disappearance unless I missed something? I don't know, he seems very disturbed. And what's that stuff about weapons and such? I genuinely feel very concerned. Should I call the police or, you know, what should I do? Anyway, thanks for any responses, guys. Take care.

Hello, hope you are having a great day,
I am Sal 41 Male who work in 3D art and game dev, despite my age and work, I am just another lonely guy who is looking for companionship, I have been spending a lot of time on my computer working and having fun, so I started getting worried that I am in a relationship with this computer haha.
I am kinda silly and quirky most of the time trying to make jokes that don't always land haha, so I hope you don't mind that, but I can talk about serious topics as well and be supportive and kind.
I have always been found of having someone online that to share my day with and talk about our problems daily lives and share our happy moments, so I had a lot of online friendships some lasts days .. months.. Or 20 years haha, yeah I am talking about you Allison.
About my hobbies and interests, usually nerdy stuff like coding, 3D art, making animation, watching anime, used to play a lot of games but not much anymore.
Plus some walking outside, I live in a beautiful small city called Istanbul that has nice places to walk near the sea and make friendship with lots of cats on the street.
I know that I may not click with many people, it is a matter of chemistry and energy, I don't often click with the people who just keep using short answers in their chat and never ask anything and keep making me carry the conversation alone, I have pet peeve with very short replies and just emojis without words hahaha.
So dm me anyway you have nothing to lose, I could be your new best friend.
And please say “Hiiiiii” so I would know that you had read my post to the end the more “i”s the better haha, and please tell me about yourself a bit, let's hope you have a discord, so please respect that and have a great day.