Yellow eye contacts cosplay

Has anyone dealt with sleep paralysis while having been on the tapes and while in a focus?
Was having a discussion the other day about sleep paralysis with some people and then got the sudden idea to try to "corrupt" one of the creatures that comes with REBAL and just the light energy we utilize.
The following night, after doing intro to focus 12 to refine and refresh, i dont think i actually completely left focus 12, (i definitely didnt drop past focus 10) I got up and locked my door and immediately fell asleep. Despite only having sleep paralysis once, I was locked into a constant nightmare slipping in and out of consciousness of what is best described toy story but in a horror format.
Throughout the whole night I was getting hit by the same fear I felt the first time I had sleep paralysis seeing a tall shadow man open my door and stare at me, something I can only describe as primordial.
This time however, I was both unconsciously and consciously controlling my REBAL, expanding and contracting as if it was battling something, i was conscious of my body reacting automatically to cycle energy in and out as it got used. My REBAL and energy composition seemed to evolve from pure yellow during this (I've mentioned my color before) to primarily yellow with light energy, similar to starlight from shining galaxies being thrown in randomly.
My eyes were forced away and my body kept getting into uncomfortable positions, none painful, just uncomfortable. I was not able to influence my body during this time. My cat was also right next to my head and while she is very irritable, never moved once until the end, when I was finally able to move, see a dim light at my window, and hear my window close slowly.
It's just odd.
If it wasn't hallucinations, did I piss something off possibly that it attempted to teach me a lesson?
Edit: I did forget to mention that the fear seemed to be getting forced out by an intense feeling of love as well, so it was just constant fluttering between fear and love.

(M 21, 6' 0'' 150 pounds, Austria) (May 30th 13:20)
Diagnosed with ADHD a while ago nothing else
Context:
(Sorry fo the rambling I simply don't know what to do so if anyone knows a solution write them down or PM me if you don't want to comment on here)
My situation is completely screwed up, I thought this summer will be the first one I could somewhat remember that from here on forward I would be more disciplined more reliable and that I was finally able to help myself. I have two issues the main and more severe one and the second (likely) temporary one.
​
Main issue:
This unfortunately didn't last long as of May 1st I infected myself by ingesting a fetile larvae egg of a parasite called Toxocara canis after not cleaning my hands this happened after feeding and petting a dog, which was a grave mistake, since I ate right afterwards too (It was 2 am I'm sorry I was really tired /unfocused and just wanted to eat and go to bed). As of last week my situation is deteriorating more and more. I have them occular on the right eye, as well as visceral am feeling constant abdominal pain and pressure in both my abdomen and head, I can't eat and I'm quite nauseous. I know that I have them occular and visceral since I have punctuating pain in my hepar, colon and spleen. For the first 2 weeks my faeces had weird corn shaped things in it (and no I had no corn) and I had constipation and itching at the area of my inner sphincter. After the second week they disappeared what followed was constipation and vomiting, I once got out of bed then all of a sudden threw up in my room everything I ate the day before. (This happened right I away woke up stood up threw up)
How do I know this to be all related to toxocariasis and not my medical persciption, which is also playing a role I am not denying that at all. I have "floaters" in my right eye (They are usually in your Corpus vitreum) and they don't seem to look like the usual type, they are stretched have more curls in them are longer and quite more darker, I cannot not unsee them. I know that they are real since they dissapear once I lay my hand over my right eye. I also pulled an unknown object out of my right eye that seemed to be moving autonomously I also have a video of it, which really doesn't help the situation since it's so small you would think the air made it twitch back and forth and I'm overreacting, but keep in mind I pulled it out of my Bulbar Conjuctiva and it curled around one of my eyelashes along with it, which honestly how does someone even fake that.
What also doesn't help the situation was my panicing and me trying to explain what was happening to my family members, they lovingly and logically denied it all called me a hypochondriac which honestly I would do too and it doesn't help knowing I was crying wolf quite a bit as a kid and had a somewhat fragile personality in terms of stress by the end of covid due to issues caused by my ADHD, so this was appropriate. And I still love them, I can't blame them so there really isn't more they can help out with or do. Which means that I'm fully on my own.
​
Second Issue:
Something weird happened whilst taking my medication 5 days ago too so this is where you have to bear with me, my persciption (Ritalin LA) was hitting my head quite hard and was lasting longerthan usual. 2 days ago I took a quarter of what I usually take against the lethargy that came with it for the day/which is half to my prior dosage and it had been active for at least 18 hours, which is 2,5x longer than usually and the strenght was too much for me to handle too. Did I abuse my perscription and now I'm hallucinating and making this all up in order to gather sympathy (I wish this to be true, like I really really wish I was just out of it). I think my liver's normal function has been somewhat altered, which would explain the prolonged effects. I sleep 6 hours at best and my mind is fading and out (It's alot better now since I stopped taking them the past 5 days (exepct the quartered dose), I also don't ever plan on taking them again) My sympathicus is overacting and my parasympathicus is not active one bit, which is clearly a sign of an overdose. But here is where it gets really weird, my stare/sight hasn't adjusted yet along with it my facial gesture and my limbic system are altered and they haven't gone back to normal. I have a slightly higher pain resistance, which let's me believe that my abdominal problems are a lot more severe than initially registered and am sometimes not responsive at all. This happened ever since 4 days ago and I think (I'm not too sure if I'm slowly recovering) it will get better in a week.
Am I scared and paranoid out of my mind? I really should be, but I'm still calm and barely emotional regarding these things, had lethargy it came and went by and I still feel weird, I constantly do. I have a friend who was with me at the time who can vouch for me in that regard and I want to entrust him with this information for if something does happen he's there as a backup and a companion. I really need someone to be there for me it will help ease the situation up a bit. Since my family is falsifiying and misjudging the situation for me
Best case the perscription causes all mind altering effects (which it likely does regarding sight and limbic system, and I might be back to normal in no time and can treat my toxocariasis with no issues)
Worst case I end up being called a pathological liar and diagnosed with pseudologia fantastica and won't be bothered with until something bad happens.
Absolute worst case scenario: Mental asylum
​
Questions:
1) What do I do, who do I talk to and what is the best thing I should do in my situation, how do I know that someone is willing to help me and not looking for a way to throw me into a psychiatric hospital or looking for issues that are not even there to begin with? I really don't want to take anything else that could end up altering my mind, I just want to go back (I don't care about anything else anymore)
2) What testing can be done regarding ELISA and how can it be done to achieve the best possible result, and when should it be done and how often?
3) Is there someone somewhere that specializes in said area (internationally) and how do I contact them?
4) Are there any alternatives (natural) to Albendazole that could help me treat toxocariasis?
5) Will symptoms get progressively more worse or do they stagnate after a specific timeframe?
​
I hope I can resolve this issue as soon as possible
Thank you all who've taken their time and read all of this!

Contact JahCoin#5396 - Or join https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies if interested!
What can this be used for? - Boosting your mw2 stats - Levelling up any guns - Maxing out all your weapons easily - No grind needed for your camos easily obtian gold, platinum, Polyatomic and Orion with just a few games
How does it work? - All bots are run off PS5s, and are completely safe to play against. - They'll stand more or less still, moving periodically to avoid AFK timers. - They'll fire randomly, but never attack you. - It's completely safe for you. All the kills and stats you get in game will count as if it were a real match.
NORMAL / SHIPMENT BOT LOBBY PRICES: - 1 Bot Lobby - $7 - 3 Bot Lobbies - $20 - 5 Bot Lobbies - $29 - 10 Bot Lobbies - $57 - 20 Bot Lobbies - $105 - 50 Bot Lobbies - $240
LONGSHOT BOT LOBBY PRICES: - 1 Longshot Bot Lobby - $11 - 3 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $30 - 5 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $47 - 10 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $87 - 20 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $165
NUKE SERVICE - Get the calling card, skin, and emblem! - $85 - ( will need account details, can be done in ~a day )
PAYMENT METHODS - PAYPAL THROUGH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND MOST MAJOR CRYPTOCURRENCIES ARE ACCEPTED
RULES / MUST READ - 1.If there is another player running around Do Not Kill! They are not a bot, bots will all have the same operator for easy identification! - 2.Never use any Player Killing kill-streaks! Replace your streaks for a UAV and Advanced UAV only! This is going to help speed up your kills and tracking of the players. Do not use counter UAVs, SAEs, Chopper Gunners, VTOLs, Ect. You may effect the lobby of the another person. - 3.Equip a grenade! Equip a Tactical Insert! Equip Scavenger Perk for ammunition. Equip Eagle Eye! When you have 20-25 kills (shortly after an advanced UAV is recommended so you don't accidently NUKE), place a Tactical Insert near the spawn to avoid running around and run 15 feet to kill yourself, and pull your standard grenade and hold in hand until it blows. - 4.Never use nuke! Nuke will end the game, and nuke is a high risk of being banned. You may be penalized one game if you call in a nuke.
Notice of how to play: Domination: Spawn and capture your nearest flag. Avoid B. Run to their spawn and murder! Capturing B will cause the game to end faster. This is at your own cost!
Discord: JahCoin#5396 - Discord with Vouches: https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies

Contact JahCoin#5396 - Or join https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies if interested!
What can this be used for? - Boosting your mw2 stats - Levelling up any guns - Maxing out all your weapons easily - No grind needed for your camos easily obtian gold, platinum, Polyatomic and Orion with just a few games
How does it work? - All bots are run off PS5s, and are completely safe to play against. - They'll stand more or less still, moving periodically to avoid AFK timers. - They'll fire randomly, but never attack you. - It's completely safe for you. All the kills and stats you get in game will count as if it were a real match.
NORMAL / SHIPMENT BOT LOBBY PRICES: - 1 Bot Lobby - $7 - 3 Bot Lobbies - $20 - 5 Bot Lobbies - $29 - 10 Bot Lobbies - $57 - 20 Bot Lobbies - $105 - 50 Bot Lobbies - $240
LONGSHOT BOT LOBBY PRICES: - 1 Longshot Bot Lobby - $11 - 3 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $30 - 5 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $47 - 10 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $87 - 20 Longshot Bot Lobbies - $165
NUKE SERVICE - Get the calling card, skin, and emblem! - $85 - ( will need account details, can be done in ~a day )
PAYMENT METHODS - PAYPAL THROUGH FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND MOST MAJOR CRYPTOCURRENCIES ARE ACCEPTED
RULES / MUST READ - 1.If there is another player running around Do Not Kill! They are not a bot, bots will all have the same operator for easy identification! - 2.Never use any Player Killing kill-streaks! Replace your streaks for a UAV and Advanced UAV only! This is going to help speed up your kills and tracking of the players. Do not use counter UAVs, SAEs, Chopper Gunners, VTOLs, Ect. You may effect the lobby of the another person. - 3.Equip a grenade! Equip a Tactical Insert! Equip Scavenger Perk for ammunition. Equip Eagle Eye! When you have 20-25 kills (shortly after an advanced UAV is recommended so you don't accidently NUKE), place a Tactical Insert near the spawn to avoid running around and run 15 feet to kill yourself, and pull your standard grenade and hold in hand until it blows. - 4.Never use nuke! Nuke will end the game, and nuke is a high risk of being banned. You may be penalized one game if you call in a nuke.
Notice of how to play: Domination: Spawn and capture your nearest flag. Avoid B. Run to their spawn and murder! Capturing B will cause the game to end faster. This is at your own cost!
Discord: JahCoin#5396 - Discord with Vouches: https://discord.gg/mw2lobbies

Back in march i look up “ways to get high”. I saw Benadryl and I have herd of getting high off Benadryl before. I tried it a while back when I was like 15 but i my made me fall asleep. I decided to try it again (I’m 18 now). I was able to order it off DoorDash or Uber eats. The first time I tried I ended up throwing up and my sister kept coming in and was asking me if I was ok. I lied and said yeah. I have a pink stain on my carpet now. I tried it again and fucked up because my parents are able to see how much I’m spending on my card. I bought a bottle with 100+ of capsules in it as well as some cough syrup. I got caught by the total that it all summed up to. My dad ended up FaceTiming me and I finally told him what I got. I had to flush all of them down the toilet. My selfish ass before that poured like idk maybe 50 inna big pillow. On one morning I fucked up. I probably took like around 20 pills and it was a morning day that I had school. I started to notice that my phone was so blurry I was texted my friend like this “ifhsofj ishdjk owtafsh”. Not even words. But that’s not when I realized that I fucked up. I looked at my tapestry and it was zoomed out. That’s when I realized I’m messed up big time. My body felt like I was being tied with cinder blocks. When I went to the bathroom the toilet was zoomed out. When I got up I almost fail. My sister was just outside the door and I tried to laugh it off by saying “lol I almost just fail lol”. When I went into class the first thing my friend said was “you should not be at school rn”. I couldn’t talk the only thing I could say is “yeah”, “uh huh”. .Later on in my class I couldn’t write anything and if I tried to I just didn’t have the energy I felt so weak yet so heavy. A few more hours rolled around and my forehead was itching so bad. Can someone explain what that means when that happens. I made the stupid choice to go to the nurse. I was trying not to make to much eye contact. I ended up checking out and when my step mom came to pick me up I tried to cover it up by saying “it’s probably just a rash”. She said “idk it could have been all those drugs you’ve been taken”. The only drugs I’ve done before that is weed. I think about that experience and im still wondering why I didn’t go into a vegetable state. I wasn’t trying to kms. I was just curious what the talk was about. Anyways I’ve been wanting to get that off my mind. I haven’t told anyone that. Im just happy I was caught before I got too sucked in.

A bit about myself, I am a 23yr straight female. I’ve always been a shy girl but not the extent that I currently am.
I haven’t grown up around a single healthy relationship. Dad has cheated on mum a couple of times, my aunties have been abused & cheated on, my grandparents have cheated on each other, my friends have been cheated on.
I have been in two long term relationships where I was cheated on in both. The first relationship was from 16-19 & that one was the most heavily abusive relationship in all aspects. The second relationship was from 19-21, which was more so very emotionally abusive & manipulative. Outside of those two relationships, I have never even kissed another guy other than the two past relationships, I have never gone on casual dates or anything remotely like that.
I have been single for about a year & a half now & I find it so ridiculously difficult to put my self out there, I guess???
Example 1: I was great friends with this guy, we were friends for a bit, I was 100% comfortable being myself around him always & we both developed feelings for each other but didn’t know the feelings were mutual until a shared friend mentioned it to me. Once I knew this information, I shut off. I distanced myself dramatically & put up a wall. Our friendship has never been as close as it was since & to my knowledge, he had no idea the feelings were mutual.
Example 2: When I go out to bars & clubs with my friends, I will make frequent eye contact with a guy I could find attractive. That guy will then try to talk to me while I could be ordering a drink & I’ll pretend not to hear him & walk off. I could unintentionally walk past this guy numerous times throughout the night & he’ll try to get my attention but I just keep on pretending I haven’t noticed even though I am incredibly interested & I’m definitely not trying to play hard to get.
Example 3: This example is what led me to write this post. A guy I used to work with 2 years ago replied to one of my instagram stories, we got to chatting, just simply catching up on life. I thought it was just a totally platonic conversation. Until he started being subtly flirty, but not in a creepy uncomfortable way & asked to take me out for coffee. I said yes, not thinking it would be anytime soon as I know he is a very busy guy. He then said he was free the following day & asked what time he should pick me up. The instant he asked what time he should pick me up, I went into freak out mode. I just wanted to block him and ghost him, which is so so so rude, I know! & there is nothing wrong with this guy at all, whenever we bump into each other around town we can always have an easy conversation but the instant it felt like it was more than platonic, I again have just put a wall.
I can’t even do Tinder or anything similar because I know damn well I’ll never let it go anywhere outside of just messaging on the app, even if I have an interest in the poor guy! A cute boy will come into work & ask for my number & I’ll just blurt out that I have a boyfriend when I in fact do not! The list goes on & on & on….
I’ve seen therapists & they’ve said I have an anxious attachment style when I’m in a relationship but I’ve found that when I’m not in a relationship, it’s as if I have an avoidant attachment style. So I feel like it’s a lose/lose situation I’m in because either way I’m not live, laugh, loving at all when it comes to those things.
So in conclusion, what the hell can I do to somewhat fix this & why the hell am I like this?
TDLR; never grew up around healthy relationships, traumatised & now I runaway the instant anything is no longer platonic.

I know it's not exactly fan art, but it's the most fitting for this kind of thing. Another fanfiction has it as its flair when it was posted here. Anyway, this is my output for the OnK fanfic train. I hope you guys enjoy! The link to the fanfiction.net page will be at the bottom.
***
With the rise of violence against celebrities also comes the rise of elements that protect against them. A rookie agent finds himself assigned to a famous idol with a promise to defend. And what was supposed to be a training assignment would eventually grow to so much more.
***
The young man grumbled as he trudged the halls of his home towards his father’s office. His hand would rake through his black hair in his face in annoyance while his two emerald eyes with four-point star-shaped irises focused forward. He already knew what was gonna happen and he wished he could refuse. He had been hoping to devote his time to honing his gaming skills with the hope of maybe one day joining a pro-E-sports team. But, because his father was an old man with a small scope of the modern world, he laughed and told him to do something real with his life. And something real meant taking over the family business one day.
Kurosawa Security Services, or simply KSS, is a Japanese family-owned security company based in Kyoto although they have offices all over the country and even abroad. KSS provides everything from security guards for convenience stores to close protection agents for top government figures. They can also provide security consultation and training. The service is rated as the best Japan has to offer with highly trained agents. KSS agents regularly train with the police and military elements like the Security Police and Special Forces Group. And in rare occasions, they would even train with the US Secret Service abroad. KSS is also the best because of the long history of the organization which dates back to the feudal era when Kurosawa Saitō picked up the sword and protected the local Daimyo from an attack. In other words, they had a long time to hone their craft.
Now, what makes a security company like KSS so big in a country where crime is almost non-existent? Isn’t Japan a safe nation? Those would be your first mistakes if you thought of them. It doesn’t matter which part of the world you’re on, good and evil exist everywhere. And good must be protected from evil. That’s why KSS exists.
And soon enough, the company will be in Akio’s hands when it's his father’s time to retire. That’s how the system works, despite what he thinks of it. So, now his ultimate tests will begin. His first assignment.
After walking for what seemed like hours he reached a pair of large doors. He knocked on them and was asked to come in by a voice on the other side, so he complied. Entering, he was greeted with a fairly large office for only one man. And that man was currently seated behind a desk reading through some papers.
“Hey, Dad,” He greeted as he sat down on one of the chairs before across from him.
Kurosawa Tadao put the papers down and then looked at his son before smiling. He was an aging man with black hair that was already greying and blue eyes that had four-point star-shaped irises.
“Hey, Son! How’re ‘ya doing?” He asked.
“Just fine. I was finally getting my KDR up in Black Ops and I was planning on getting my skills up in CSGO later. But, here we are,” Akio answered.
“Staying inside is not good for your body you know.”
“I planned to play basketball tomorrow and I have band with the boys this weekend.”
“It’s still unhealthy because it’s exactly anything productive. You’re 17, Son, you need to start shaping up for your career,” Tadao said.
“I’ve been shaping it up since I was five,” Akio muttered.
“And that’s why we’re here right now. Your first assignment, son! It’s the moment of truth! Aren’t you excited?” Tadao asked with a wide grin as he picked up a folder from the side.
“No, not really,” Akio answered flatly.
“Well, maybe you’ll be excited once you find out who I’m assigning you to. Spoiler alert, she’s an idol,” He said with a grin, whispering that last part as he handed him the file.
“I’m not into idols, Dad,” He said flatly as he took the file.
“Your little brother a good chunk of this company’s personnel, and hell, a good chunk of the population are though,” He commented.
“That doesn’t make sense. Everyone can have different interests. And Goro, well, I guess being tied to a hospital bed for years does that to you,” He said sadly.
“You’re one weird kid, you know.”
“Well, I was raised by the likes of you, Dad,” Akio retorted with a sly grin which made his father laugh.
“Well, you got me there,” He chuckled and promptly silenced himself to let his son read.
“Hoshino Ai? Never heard of her. Although I admit she is pretty cute,” He mumbled as read through the file with her picture on it. He took in her personal information like date of birth, age, physical appearance, and all the usual things. And then he got to a part that listed her status— “What the fuck?! She’s pregnant?!”
“Language, Akio!” Tadao scolded. “Anyway, officially, she’ll be taking a break from showbiz for a while due to ill health. Actually, she’s pregnant and they’re trying to keep it under wraps. Bad for business, because a lot of fans are a bunch of lonely losers, they’ll drop her just because she has kids.”
“Language, Dad,” Akio retorted and shook his head. “Well, teen pregnancy is bad, but it’s unfair for her to be hated for that reason.”
“Yeah, the life of a celebrity is a lot shittier than most people would think. I know, your mother was a singer, she dealt with that too when we were found out,” Tadao said with a frown before smiling a bit. “She
“Please don’t tell me about your romances, Dad,” Akio cringed. “Anyway, Hoshino-sama will be my protectee, huh?”
“Yes. She’ll be heading here with her management agency soon to settle the contract. And then you’ll be heading to the countryside where she can lay low until she gives birth. That’s the basics of it.”
“Alright. Babysit a pregnant teenager and keep her from doing anything dumb. Should be easy enough,” He said.
“Do not underestimate the dangers tied to the entertainment world, Akio,” Tadao reminded. “As I’ve said, a lot of them are a bunch of lonely losers or generally just of questionable character. Some of them will go to great lengths just for attention. Fans can get really wacky after all. It’s already happened before. Not to mention, all the snakes in the industry. Someone might want to up their game so they think about eliminating the competition. You get the point.”
“I’m very aware, Dad, don’t worry,” He assured then sighed. “Just doing this and my studies at the same time? What am I gonna do?”
“That’s rich coming from someone who was planning on just lazing around all day. Besides, you’ve been homeschooling for more than a year already, right? I’m sure you can get a read in every day without compromising your job.”
“Well, it’s not impossible, but it’s gonna suck,” He said then sighed. “Alright, I’ve got this. Not much of a choice anyway. Anything else I should know?”
“Yeah. Remember this, you do not ever let your protectee out of your sight. Wherever she goes, you go. That being said, don’t be too overbearing, and make sure to give her room to breathe. She is a woman, she will want her space. Also, try not to set such a tight atmosphere. Try being her friend, and she’ll be easier to work with. Tomita will meet you tomorrow too to evaluate you. You’ll also be reporting to him your progress during your task.”
“Noted, Dad. In that case,” Akio stood then positioned himself directly in front of the table before bowing. “I shall see this task to the end.”
***
Idol music was not his cup of tea and Hoshino Ai was a complete stranger to him till that moment. He’d spend a whole week with the pre-preparations with one of the senior agents until it was time to meet the latest customers. Then he would meet Hoshino Ai for the first time and they’d make their first impressions of one another.
***
“Are you really sure about this?”
“We’re going to need a shield just in case. Lot’s of wackos around here. Besides, we’ve already agreed to meet.”
“It’s just, there’s a lot of shady dealings in the security world.”
“Are we any better? Besides, KSS is the best this country can offer. I also know the company head personally too, we went to high school together, and he owes me. We’ll be just fine.”
“Um, o-okay…”
“I didn’t understand any of that, but okay!”
“Never change, Ai…”
How do you keep a secret from the world? Simple: you lie. You lie a lot. But then you realize it’s not so simple and every day is spent with fear that everything might fall apart. Just trying to get anywhere was a massive undertaking. For example, right now. Two adults and a pregnant teen in a car. Aside from the teen pregnancy, there’s nothing strange at all about it. But if you knew who the car’s passengers were, then you’d immediately understand.
After a couple of hours of driving (making occasional turns to make sure they weren’t followed and consequently getting lost a couple of times) they finally reached their destination which was a large estate in the outskirts of Kyoto. A guard met them at the gate, and after the driver talked and showed some credentials, they were let in. It took another minute or two until they reached the house where a group was waiting for them. The car group got out of their vehicle with the house group greeting them shortly after. A man with short blonde hair and yellowish-brown eyes underneath some shades stepped forward and led the group.
“Ichigo-san, you’re still about as ugly as when I last saw you,” Tadao greeted with a cheeky grin as he approached.
“Tadao-san, you’re clearly the most repulsive one here. I see you still haven’t taken my advice to get your face fixed,” Ichigo greeted with a snarky expression as he also approached.
Once close enough, they locked hands for a shake before pulling each other in for a hug.
“It’s nice to see you again, friend! How’re you doin', man? No troubles getting here?” Tadao asked.
“I’m just fine. Getting here was a lot smoother than we thought. But we are exhausted,” Ichigo replied.
“I imagine. Remember that time in Second Year when we bought booze with fake IDs and we had to run for it?”
“Ha, how can I forget?! I was terrified the cops would get us!”
As the two men shared stories and laughed, everyone else present could not help but be astonished at how casual the two were being. It almost was like this wasn’t a business meeting.
“Yeah, those were the days,” Tadao laughed and turned to the other two people to address them. “Before we continue any further, allow me to introduce myself. I am Kurosawa Tadao, head of Kurosawa Security Services, and I welcome you all to my home. It’s nice to meet you!”
He then stepped toward the next person. She was a rather tall woman with long strawberry-blonde hair and pinkish-brown eyes.
“And you must be Miyako, his wife, yes?” He asked.
“Yes, I am,” She said with a polite smile as they shook hands.
“You know, I’ve always wondered how someone with a face like his could get married. But here we are,” He joked earning a laugh from her.
“I sometimes wonder why I decided to marry him too,” She commented and they both laughed.
“Huh? What?” Ichigo said but was ignored.
Then, Tadao moved to the last person. She was a short girl with long violet hair with matching eyes that have stars in them. But her most distinct feature was the bulge in her abdomen showing her pregnancy. Moreover, she looked like she wasn’t even 18. This observation made his gut wrench due to feeling pity for this poor girl’s bad decision. Regardless, he put on his best smile and took her hand.
“And you must be Hoshino Ai,” He greeted. “I’ve heard all about you, but since I’m the stereotypical old man, I’m not into your music. Regardless of that, and after listening to a couple of songs, I think you’re doing some very great work in your field.”
Her lips curved into a smile that cured souls as her eyes seemed to shimmer. Tadao kept himself from reacting, but at that moment he knew why she was so popular.
“Thank you so much, Tadao-san! You know, I don’t think I’m that popular to begin with but I’m always so happy to hear that someone like what I do!” She said happily.
He chuckled a bit. “I used to be in a band in middle school and high school, so I still try to stay up to date with the latest musical trends these days. Although, I still don’t know much. I mostly get my info on that from my own agents.”
He glanced to the side followed by Ai shortly after to see three younger agents standing stiffly as they tried to ignore them. They knew exactly who she was. All three of them have her as their phone’s lock screen wallpaper. And it’s clear that they wanted to talk to her, but they couldn’t. And even if they could, they didn’t know how. Ai giggled in amusement while Tadao just stared.
“Anyway, now that introductions have been made, let’s go inside where it’s more comfortable. I know you’re here for business, so let’s dive right in. We’ve also prepared snacks and refreshments inside in case you want some. Ichigo, my valet will take care of your car, so give him the keys please,” Tadao said as he gestured for them to follow.
“Do you have ice cream?” Ai asked.
“We sure do!”
“Yay! Let’s go!”
After Ichigo handed over the keys to a valet, Tadao began leading them into his home with the trio following shortly after. But before that, a mischievous thought entered Ai’s mind and she acted quickly. She suddenly turned to look at the trio of agents who tensed up even more under her gaze. Worse, they realized that she was up to no good just from her grin. But before they could even speculate what she was up to, she suddenly did her signature love heart hand pose with a smile. In a flash, the three agents felt their knees go weak in the presence of such moe cuteness that they struggled to stay upright as they covered their mouths to silence their ecstatic screams. Satisfied with her handiwork, Ai giggled as she left the scene of the crime.
“Um, are they gonna be alright?” Ichigo asked nervously as he saw one of them falling over.
“They’ll be fine.”
They entered the huge house and led them through a series of hallways that were decorated with all sorts of interesting stuff. One of them was some sort of cannon on a towed carriage, except, aside from one big barrel, it’s got multiple little ones arranged in a circle with a crank.
“Kurosawa-san, what’s that?” Ai asked.
“Oh, this? This is a Model 1874 Gatling Gun. It fires a .45-70 caliber round from top-loaded 20-round box magazines with a rate of fire of about a thousand rounds per minute, although, it really depends on how fast you can crank it. It was one of the most revolutionary weapons ever designed and it changed the battlefield forever. This specific weapon here was used by the Imperial Army against revolting samurai during their last stand in the Battle of Mount Shiroyama, the last action of the Satsuma Rebellion,” He explained. “Sometimes I wonder what the samurai were thinking in their last moments just before they were all gunned down.”
“Wow,” Ai whispered in awe.
“Indeed. I don’t even know where my father dug up this gun,” He said before tracing across the black-painted barrels of the old weapon.
“That’s so cool!” She exclaimed happily then fished out her phone from her hoodie pocket. “Can I take a picture with it?”
“Ai, we’re here in business and the man’s likely very busy, so let’s not take anymore—” Ichigo said but was cut off.
“Sure thing! Our meeting is the only thing I have on my schedule today, so I’m basically free to do anything!” Tadao interjected with a wide smile as she took her phone.
What followed next was a comedic scene which was basically an old man doting on his granddaughter while he took pictures of her doing cute things. Meanwhile, everyone else present just stared with blank expressions.
“So much for not being into idols,” Ichigo muttered.
“These are so good! Thank you so much, Kurosawa-san!” She thanked him with a wide smile after going over the pictures.
“You’re very welcome! And you know, we’ve got a lot of goodies in this house, maybe you’d like to take some pictures with them too?” He offered.
“I’d love to!” She squealed.
“Mhmm!” Someone cleared their throat.
Looking in that direction, they saw a young man dressed in a nice business suit who was basically a younger version of Tadao. He approached them with his hands in his pockets and regarded them with a straight expression.
“You’re getting off track here, Dad. We’re still conducting a business,” He said as a matter of factly. “And what happened to ‘no touching of the expensive decor’?”
“Oh come on, son, do you honestly believe I can refuse that?” Tadao complained as he gestured to Ai who maintained a happy expression as she looked at the photos.
“Don’t enable her, Dad. Ma’am, please stop touching the gun, it’s very old and very expensive,” He said.
“Ai, get off of it,” Ichigo ordered.
“Aw, okay,” She said sadly as she backed off.
“Sorry for the trouble, but this stuff is crazy expensive. And oh, I’m Kurosawa Akio, by the way. It’s a pleasure to meet all of you,” He greeted with a polite smile.
“This is my son. He’ll be taking care of the business one day, so I’m bringing him along more now,” Tadao said.
Another round of handshakes was exchanged as the group introduced themselves to Akio. Ai expected the tone and body language of a fan holding himself back, the same kind she’s gotten used to seeing, but was rather surprised when he shook her hands normally with nothing but politeness in his eyes. Strange, now she’s curious. Akio on his part thought that she was a rather normal-looking girl, except for the bulging stomach, and didn’t find anything very special from just looking at her.
“Sorry for messing around. It’s just a really cool-looking thing!” Ai said.
“It sure is, ‘can’t argue with that. They don’t make weapons like these anymore these days. It’s all just big bombs now, which is boring,” Akio remarked.
“I don’t think death and destruction are supposed to be nice to see,” Miyako remarked.
“Exactly,” Tadao stated with a firm voice. “And that’s what we strive for in KSS. Every day must always be boring. Now come on, we’ve got business to attend to.” He said before turning and walking away.
“Is he always like this?” Miyako asked with a sweatdrop, noting the man’s sudden change of face.
“You’ll get used to it,” Both Ichigo and Akio replied in a flat tone.
They finished the walk toward their destination which was a conference room inside the house. The place was quite spacious and cozy looking, especially since it has a fireplace. They all immediately took their seats with KSS taking one side of the table and Ichigo Productions sitting opposite of them.
“Snacks will be brought in a little bit, so let’s get down to business to business shall we,” Tadao said as he placed a briefcase on the table and pulled out some papers. “By the way, everything we talk about will not leave this room, you can trust us. I think I also know the reason why you need an extra pair of hands. Your reason for getting a bodyguard is because you’re worried that you’ll be attacked like that idol that got stabbed recently, yes?”
They all nodded at that. It was already a month old, but the memory of it was still fresh on everyone’s minds, especially since it was covered on national news.
An idol named Hirose Keiko, who was pretty popular and only 16 like Ai, was recently murdered by a crazy fan in her own home. The autopsy report stated that the cause of death was cardiac arrest from severe bleeding after being stabbed three times and that she died in minutes.
The police captured the killer before he could jump off a bridge and took him in for questioning. He said that a Twitter post showing Keiko being all friendly with some guy somewhere made people think she had gotten a boyfriend. This enraged him because he felt betrayed by her actions, therefore he stalked her and plotted her murder for weeks. So, it was pretty awkward for him to find out that Keiko’s supposed boyfriend was actually her cousin and she was at a family get-together at that time.
The news shocked everyone in the country and many celebrities started taking their personal security more seriously. Ichigo was worried for Ai, and Ai was a bit scared herself. She knew Keiko, they did some collaborations together in the past, and she was upset she couldn’t attend her funeral. So, Ichigo Productions, though a bit cash-strapped, decided that it would be a good idea to have some form of security with them to help out in the long run. Especially now that Ai was pregnant… they couldn’t stomach the thought of some deranged lunatic stabbing her to death like what happened to Keiko.
“I don’t think I can forget that. I knew the girl and her agency, they were good people. I hope that bastard gets the chair,” Ichigo muttered.
“You and me both. And don’t worry, we’ll make sure nothing ever happens to you,” Tadao assured. “Alright, now, how do you want to be protected?”
“We just need someone with us to keep the creeps away, especially one that can lie low with us. Nothing flashy at all,” Ichigo answered.
“Hmm, I understand what you want. One or two agents on you at all times at least, covering your front and back. They’ll be in plain clothes too so as to not draw attention. Okay, I’ve got a lot of agents to spare for that kind of job,” Tadao said, as he wrote on a piece of paper.
“What else is there?” Ichigo asked.
“We’re gonna brief you on how we operate and how we intend to do this. None of them are hard to follow at all. The gist is that you need to tell us everything, your schedules, contacts, extra activities, etcetera.”
“So, I’ll basically be followed around everywhere?” Ai asked.
“Basically, yes. But the key difference is that it’ll be by people you can trust. However, that doesn’t mean we’ll be poking around your daily life and infringing on your space every day. We’ll create a system in which you’re safe but still comfortable. In fact, we even have methods to protect you without you or anyone seeing us, but that’s really expensive though,” Tadao explained. “We know our boundaries too, Hoshino-sama, you don’t have to worry.”
“Hmm,” Ai hummed as she considered his words before another thought occurred to her. “Will you kill people?”
“Only if they really force us to. Every agent has a loaded gun with him, but we’re also trained in ways to stop an attacker with non-lethal force. Besides, one of our tactics is that by simply being there, we can discourage anyone from trying anything funny. As I’ve said, the best days for us are the most boring ones.”
“I see.”
“What’s the price tag?” Miyako asked.
“Despite the low elements, you’re still looking at 500,000 yen per month. But…” He trailed off. “But… due to my debt to you, Ichigo, I’ve decided to give you half that price for six months. This is paid like a subscription service where you have to pay every month. Failure to pay means immediate termination of services.”
“Is there anything else?” Ichigo asked.
“There are a bunch more details that you need to know. Legality, protocols, company policy, and all that. But, there’s one detail that I threw in as a condition for this,” Tadao said then placed a hand on Akio’s shoulder who was sitting to his right. “My son will be the one to run point of your protection detail. This’ll also act as his first test, to prove his skill as a protection agent.”
“Although I’m inexperienced, I’m quick to learn and adapt, and I’m ready to take on whatever task is needed from me,” Akio said politely.
Ichigo and Miyako frowned at the prospect of being given someone who was inexperienced in the field. But if he was the son of the guy who runs the place, then he should be pretty good, right? Besides, this is possibly the best deal they’ll ever get, and they weren’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Alright, that’s fine,” Ichigo said.
“I’m okay with it,” Ai said.
“Although, Akio will be running point so you’ll see him the most often, another rookie agent will also be there to learn too. He’ll be number two. A senior agent will also be dropping by occasionally to check on them and evaluate their performance, although you don’t need to pay him. And in case things get really bad, emergency services and other agents won’t be too far to assist,” Tadao added.
“Ah, alright,” Ichigo said.
“Now, for the rest of everything.”
They would spend the next thirty minutes getting into the details of how everything would be under their care. Snacks and refreshments were brought in at that time with Ai receiving a pint of ice cream, making her very happy. They got into some legal conditions that were implemented to protect both sides. They also got into how the protection detail would work and what to do under certain situations. And of course, company policy.
One such policy is that the client can sue the company for up to 30 million yen for disclosing any secrets entrusted to them without permission. And although KSS can definitely pay that amount, their reputation would be tarnished and they’d lose even more money. That was a fact that allowed Ichigo Productions to rest easier. Ai’s pregnancy needed to remain under wraps.
After a few more minutes and a couple more things were clarified, they finally moved on to the last piece of the puzzle. Tadao opened up his briefcase and pulled out one last set of papers.
“This is the contract. What’s is just a summary of everything we talked about, but I suggest you read it carefully so you’re not missing anything,” Tadao said.
Ichigo Productions took the document and carefully read through it to make sure they were not missing anything. It took another five minutes, but they confirmed that everything was in place.
“A service that tells you everything and makes you read the contract first? Finally!” Ichigo joked.
“We’re the guys that protect the Emperor, not some shady organization! We’ve got a reputation to uphold!” Tadao stated. “Anyway, if nothing is amiss, sign your name and seal on the space provided and we are officially under your employ.”
“Everything’s here. Let’s seal the deal,” Ichigo said.
He grabbed a pen that was provided to him and signed his name on the line at the bottom then stamped his seal on the side. Miyako did the same thing after him. And finally, Ai filled out the last line with her name and seal and even drew a little heart on it. Tadao took the document and looked through it before putting it down and giving them a smile.
“You are now under the protection of Kurosawa Security Services! With Hachiman, the divine protector of Japan, guiding our hands, you will not have to worry about anything as long as we are around! Rest assured that we will take care of you. And anyone that tries to harm you will die a horrible death!” He proclaimed.
“That’s… oddly specific,” Ichigo remarked.
“If you get hurt, we’ll cover the expenses of your medical bill. If you die under our watch, which you won’t, we’ll offer a full refund to your relatives, and we’ll even avenge you. That’s our policy, to treat our clientele as if they are our family,” He added.
“That’s very nice,” Miyako said.
“Only the best we provide our clients,” Tadao said. “And aside from giving you a copy of the documents, this concludes our business. Thank you for choosing our services. We promised not to disappoint.”
“We’ll be watching closely then.”
Both groups then stood up and gave each other one last bout of handshakes to truly seal the contract that was just signed.
“I’ll make sure your men get tickets to one of my concerts in the future!” Ai said and looked at Akio. “Especially you, Akio-san.”
“Oh, that’s very kind of you, Hoshino-sama. But, I’m not into idol music,” He replied politely.
“Huh?”
“Please excuse my son. We know he’s a weirdo,” Tadao jokingly said.
“I ain’t weird, Dad. I don’t hate idol music but I don’t exactly like it either. I just like other things,” Akio stated.
“It’s not impossible, but it’s a first for us. Everyone your age we’ve met is into idols,” Saitou said. “Looks like you’re the 10% we didn’t see coming.”
“Please just take it as less worry for you, since I won’t be prying for your attention all the time. I’ll always keep a respectful distance. I promise.”
“That’s all we can ever ask really. Thank you.”
“Now that business is concluded, we can all turn in for the night. But would you like something before you leave? Some more snacks or drinks perhaps? We’ve got a lot here,” Tadao offered but Ichigo shook his head.
“No, we’ve already been here too long, we don’t want to overstay our welcome. Besides, it’s late and we’re all tired. We should be getting back now,” he said.
“Alright. In that case, allow us to walk you out while I get the valet to get your car.”
“Alright then.”
Ichigo Productions prepared to leave while Tadao got on his phone. Ichigo and Miyako started discussing something with each other while Ai simply looked around the room. Her eyes would eventually land on Akio who was looking at his phone. He’d pocket it a moment later and his eyes would land on his protectee’s. She’d flashed him a wide smile, the kind that can captivate any man, while he returned with a simple smile and a nod. Ai began opening her mouth to speak before stopping short when there was a disturbance from Tadao.
“... Really? Alright, I’ll tell them,” He sighed before turning to the group.
“What’s wrong?” Ichigo asked.
Tadao smiled awkwardly. “A small problem just developed on your end.”
They’d find themselves outside again a moment later, watching a scene unfold before them. Ichigo Production’s car, a white rental Toyota Corolla, remained where Ichigo last left it although the hood was open and multiple guys were peering into the engine compartment with flashlights. One agent tried turning the key and starting the ignition, yet the engine remained quiet. A moment later, a middle-aged man with his sleeves rolled up walked up to Tadao while wiping his hands on a rag.
“I think it’s a broken sparkplug, Tadao-san. It just won’t start,” He reported.
“I told you it was broken!” Miyako scolded Ichigo in a hushed voice.
“Do we have spare parts, Hiro-san?” Tadao asked.
“No, we just ran out when our own rides needed maintenance and we haven’t resupplied yet,” He said with a shake of his head. “We can’t run to the shop too because it’s already closed at this time. This thing’s staying here till morning.”
Ichigo and Miyako groaned at their misfortune while the rest of them simply stared indifferently. Tadao then sighed and spoke again.
“Alright. In that case, Hiro-san, please get the van off the driveway and onto the side. We’ll deal with it tomorrow morning. Then please take one of the Land Cruisers and take them back to their hotel. The rest of you are free to leave for home too,” He ordered.
“Hai, Kurosawa-sama!” Everyone replied.
“Tadao-san, are you sure? This is probably too much—” Ichigo began but stopped when Tadoa raised a hand.
“It’s fine, I don’t mind at all. Just think of this as me helping a friend in need. And no, you don’t have to pay,” He replied.
Ichigo was unsure but ultimately allowed it and bowed a bit. “Alright, thank you.”
“No problem,” Tadao replied with a shallow nod.
While the adults addressed the issue of their ride, the two kids remained on the side and simply watched. Akio and Ai were still in their teens, so they were kids in the eyes of the adults present.
“So,” Ai began. “What kind of music do you listen to, Kurokawa-san?”
“Uh, I like rock music of all types from pop to death metal. I’ve been listening to them since I was five. And it’s Kurosawa, Hoshino-sama,” He replied, her sudden question and error of his name catching him off guard.
“Ah, really? Ahahaha, I’m so sorry! I'm not very good at memorizing people’s faces!” She laughed jovially.
“Ahaha, I can imagine. Since you probably see so many faces every day, it’s hard to keep track of them all, huh?” He laughed.
“Ah, yeah! It’s a bit of a problem for me, hehe. Sometimes, I even forget the President’s name too, haha!”
He laughed along with her but internally, he was cringing a bit.
Does every idol have such an airheaded personality? He wondered.
“It must be kinda hard for you too, having to work like this when you’re so young,” She remarked.
“Well, this is my first job ever, so it doesn’t seem hard at all right now. That’s definitely gonna change though,” He replied. “But, I don’t think my job will get anywhere as difficult as yours with you having to put up an act all the time. I don’t think I can handle that.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I really like my job, but sometimes it gets pretty tiring. Taking a break like this is gonna help out a lot!” She said happily before taking a deep breath and looking around. “I think I’ve already said this, but your place is really nice.”
“Mhmm, and this is just our place here in Tokyo. We’re only here now because we need to be closer to some of our clients at the moment. Our main house in Kyoto is even bigger and cooler!” Akio replied.
“You guys are really loaded, huh?”
“For the past few decades, Kurosawa has been branching to other things that make money. We need the cash to pay for our stuff after all. Although, we’re still inferior to zaibatsus like Shinomiya and Shijo (who we provide services to, by the way) but also still better than most.”
“Wow.”
“Mhmm, but money still isn’t everything. We try to take a humble approach to things too. Dad doesn’t like spending money on anything that isn’t important and I don’t buy a lot of things myself,” He added and kept his mouth open to continue when he was interrupted.
“Don’t believe him! He eats yakiniku at least once a week!” One of the younger agents stated as he walked by with a bag over his shoulder, likely on his way home.
“Look who’s talking, idiot! You spend the most out of all of us!” He retorted angrily but only got a laugh in response. He turned back to Ai who was holding a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles, prompting him to sigh in annoyance. “Alright, I admit that part and also I spend a lot quite a lot on video games and band equipment, but only on special occasions. I’m not some pompous rich jerk that throws money around, I promise you.”
“Hmm, alright, I believe you,” She giggled and then thought of something. “You could’ve totally left that part out or outright lied. Why didn’t you?”
“Uh, it was already out, so there’s no point in trying to lie about it anymore. Besides, I don’t believe you deserve to be lied to, Hoshino-sama,” He answered.
Her smile wavered ever so slightly as she processed his answer. I don’t deserve to be… lied to?
“Um—”
“Ai, our ride’s here! Let’s head back to the hotel!” Ichigo called out as one of the company’s Land Cruisers had been brought out to take them.
“I guess we’ll just have to continue this conversation some other time, but it’s been a nice talk. I look forward to working with you, Hoshino-sama,” He said with a wide smile and an outstretched hand.
“Ai.”
“Sorry?”
Ai smiled widely too, her eyes seemingly shimmering brighter as she took his hand and shook it. “Since we’ll be sticking so closely together for a while, you can just call me Ai, Akio-san.”
He blinked. “U-Uh, sure thing, Ai-san.”
“Just Ai,” She clarified.
“Just Ai,” He nodded and smiled widely, happy that she remembered his first know, even if he didn’t know why.
“If that’s what you want, you’re the boss,” Akio remarked, earning another laugh from her. “You have a good night, Ai, and I’ll see you again tomorrow.”
“You too, Akio-san.”
She’d head back to her group a moment later and they were leaving the estate shortly. Akio waved at the car as it drove past him and he could just barely see a human figure waving back through the darkness. As he watched the SUV disappear, he put his hand down and looked up at the sky.
“Wow,” He breathed. “Her eyes are something else.”
He’d retire for the night shortly after without another thought. He’d sleep soundly not knowing that he had just stepped on the path that would define his life.
***
This is the link to the ff.net page. Thank you very much for taking the time to read it, and thank you even more if you decide to support it on ff.net! Please also tell me what you think and/or if you have any ideas you'd like to share here or there!
For now, have a great day, and peace out!
Veritas vos liberabit.
The Truth will set you Free.

I knew I was trans since I was 11. I wasn't super masculine but also not really effeminate. Dysphoria would come in cycles and eventually became so bad that I either took hrt or I ended my life. No time to wait months for doctors to talk to me, so I DIY. Eventually talked to doctors and got diagnosed with gd but I'm afraid they diagnosed me because I was already taking hormones. I don't blame them, they've been everything to me.
Dysphoria for me was an intense desire of being feminine, of being a woman, of seeing a woman in the mirror.
I'm 1.5 years on hormones and had FFS 6 months ago, at 1 year. I pass now, if I use bangs. If I don't use bangs I don't really pass and it bothers me.
Ever since FFS I've been going to doctors for all kinds of post FFS care: Adams apple not shaved enough so planning for revisions, got a fatty cyst just below my eyebrow that's getting removed soon, physiotherapy appointments, stitch removal, everything.
Even 2 days ago I was bawling my eyes out because my body was too masculine and I was jealous at someone that started at 14. At the clinic they told me it could be possible that my Adams apple can't get any smaller and I cried. I really want to have a feminine hairline, I am planning hair transplants too. So how is it possible to go thinking like that, intensely desiring to not look like a man, to suddenly feeling like this? Read below: 👇
Yesterday I was coming home by bus, it's a 4 hour trip, and I was thinking about how tired of all of these trips I am, about how my life was so simple before. The bus had an infotainment system but I turned off the screen so I could see my reflection the whole time. I didn't really like what I saw, but I think I still was kinda passable. And then this thought crossed my mind
"Maybe if I got my hair short I could be a handsome man instead, it would make my life so simple"
And I don't know why but since I had that thought I've been suffering from extreme anxiety, this was last night and I've puked twice and been sitting on the toilet every 30 minutes. It felt exactly like I felt during my days pre hrt when dysphoria hit pretty bad.
I took diazepam before bed and 5mg more this morning plus 20mg of propranolol and it has barely done anything to calm down my heartbeat.
I am scared I am not trans anymore and I ruined everything. Scared that maybe I had FFS before I felt like this. Scared to tell my mother I am not trans anymore, it's been hard for her to accept and she'll be like I told you so and plus she hates having physical contact with me and I really need someone to hold my hand right now, if I tell her this she will let me be around her even less than before.
I didn't take anti androgens this morning. Am dreading next E injection. I washed my teeth and looked in the mirror and I didn't mind what I saw but thinking about doing my morning routine made me want to throw up.
I just don't know anymore. Maybe I'm not trans and I should desist? Should I continue? Rationally, I don't mind living my life as a woman, and I remember dreading living my life as a man. So logically speaking, I should continue HRT. But now my resting heart rate is 130 and I've been reading all the posts here and I don't know.
I don't know! Am I feeling dysphoria because I think I don't look like a girl enough? Am I feeling reverse dysphoria because I am a cis man after all? Am I depressed? Am I tired of how much FFS recovery is taking out of me? Should I continue HRT? Should I stop?
Has anyone here ever felt like this? I am currently in bed and called in sick. I get up from bed to do something, but leave my room to stare around and come back to bed. But I'm too jumpy to stay in bed. I'm such a mess.
I think I feel worse now than I've ever felt before I started HRT, and it's so painful so so so painful I've started thinking of ending my life just to stop the suffering and if in the past I stopped myself because I knew it was irrational and would make some people sad, now I don't care about that I just want the suffering to stop. I'm panicking, and the meds didn't work.
I don't even know who to talk about this, next therapy appointment is in July because the doctor is on vacation, can't even ask her for emergency appointment. My friend would listen to me but she wouldn't understand and I've been too much of a burden on her lately that she has started being hesitant to allow me to visit her home, so I want to give her space and only be positive around her for a bit.
I'm in so much distress right now and I don't know what to do I really need this to stop or I will do something bad I can't hold on
Please someone say something that will make me feel better. I really hope someone has felt like this before and tell me it's normal and that they were trans after all. Because if I'm not trans and I go back to being even an effeminate man I will NEVER be happy but I'm starting to think that if I continue like this I will never be happy as a woman either.

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So I started this medication due to depression and extreme anxiety - it runs in my family, but in my case was due to abusive parents, string of relationships with NPD females (this is a pattern in my life due to NPD father) and its reached it's peak after I blocked emotions since my father died, it just overwhelmed me 2 years after and literally broke me. I also have very stressful job and was going through a breakup with BPD girl (if you were with one you will know what I mean). I guess my brain defences were completely overwhelmed and I broke. Good thing is now I can actually feel emotions.
Day 1 - one of the best days in my life, I guess this was this honeymoon people talk about. Energy, love of life, I finally was not depressed. Sadly it lasted one day only. Not even a day as my sister pissed me so much I stopped feeling it at all
Days 2-9 - On day 2 I went for a few drinks, I drank like 6-7 beers, while being on pregabalin too. Next day I had extreme, and I mean extreme depression that lasted like 3 days constantly. For next days - extreme mood swings, mostly for the worse, no longer felt like this medication worked, basically from extreme depression to mild one, extreme irritability, however anxiety and chest pain started leaving me step by step. I got some visual problems - I wear contact lenses and it made my eyes dry but also made me a little bit shortsighted even with lenses on. I had to take pregabalin to improve my mood and desentize myself as I got suicidal thoughts. Extreme insomnia.
Days 10-13 - mood started to stabilize, and I actually feel kinda good. Still not there but it gets better. energy is still high and I feel like me from 5 years ago. Libido got way better. I sleep well better however my sleep is kinda short. I lack focus however, and feel less alert.
​
Sounds kinda strange as it looks I do not follow most patterns I read with this medication. Will keep updating this post. One more thing - I have huge urge to go outside, it is hard for me to sit in the office or home, I constantly do different things. Basically feels like my brain wants me to get everything done I wasted in those 2 years of deppresive episode. Also I had only one dream this whole time. Which is strange as this is supposed to be common

Behind the sunglasses I hide
Through the yellow light I see the truth
That I never show my true self
In my brown-clad home, I look in the mirror
Studying my darkened eyes
Fear creeps over me and I turn completely blue
In the red room I drink myself brave
but never dare to dream of love

When you need to know where someone is right now, tracking their location should be your top priority. There are a variety of reasons why you might want to locate someone. For their protection and your own sanity, you may want to keep an eye on your kids and loved one
Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location?
You might have a bizarre purpose for following someone’s phone location. Whatever your motive for wanting to track someone’s position, you now have various possibilities. There are also numerous tools available that allow you to track a person’s position via their cell phone. In this article, we will discuss simple ways to track a Samsung Phone Location?
Did you know that Samsung is the world leader in digital technology, especially in terms of mobile phone sales in 2021? In the first two quarters, the business sold around 112.5 million units to end-users It’s no surprise, then, that your kids and loved one use their Samsung phones to socialize at all hours of the day and night.

• Why and How to Track Your Child’s Samsung Phone
• Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location?
• Track a Samsung Phone Location
• Track a Samsung Phone Location
• Samsung’s Find My Phone
• Android’s Find My Device

Mobile technologies have brought convenience to people’s lives, but they have also become a source of considerable danger. Cyberbullying, hidden death squads, perilous challenges, and online predators are all issues that thousands of kids and loved one face on a regular basis.
Why and How to Track Your Child’s Samsung Phone
As previously said, kids and loved one can get into mischief even if they are in the room next door to you. Online predators utilize Tinder, Snapchat, Kik, and other apps to befriend young people because they enjoy spending time on social media and adding new friends to their accounts.
In most circumstances, maniacs don’t even need to pretend to be teenagers because kids and loved one are happy to engage with people of various ages.
Furthermore, if a new “friend” request it, they can sext strangers and share private content. When predators reveal their genuine identities and begin pushing kids and loved one to send more sexual images and videos, the pleasure comes to an end. Predators might pressure adolescents to meet up in person, so the online explosion frequently turns physical.
As a parent, you must be aware of what is going on in your kids and loved one life, both in the real world and online. If your kids and loved one is depressed but refuses to tell you about it, it’s a sign that they’re being bullied. Pressuring a kid and loved one to answer your inquiries can exacerbate the situation. As a result, you’ll need to use a different method to discover the truth, such as monitoring your kids and loved one online activity and tracing their locations.
Track a Samsung Phone Location Using NERDHACK SPY
You now know how to trace the position of your Samsung phone using NERDHACK. However, all techniques necessitate knowledge of your kids and loved one account details. That isn’t always possible, especially if your kids and loved one is the secretive type.
If you use a parental control app like NERDHACK SPY. Though, you won’t have to worry about accessing your kids and loved one personal account. With NERDHACK SPY, you can track your kids and loved one phone from your smartphone and establish geofencing if you’re worried about them going to locations they shouldn’t.
Contact us at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) for technical problems about your task or issue regarding hacking services.
You can receive access to a variety of valuable monitoring capabilities depending on your NERDHACK SPY, including:

• Keeping track of incoming and outgoing calls
• Receiving, sending, and deleting text messages
• Snapchat, Facebook, Tinder, Kik, and other apps are being watched.
• Examining media files that have been delivered and received
• Viewing bookmarks and surfing history
• Seeing events and making notes on a calendar

If you have any questions regarding installing or utilizing NERDHACK SPY, please mail us on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])
Track a Samsung Phone Location Using NERDHACK SPY
Is there a faster way to locate your kids and loved one phone and learn where he is? There is, fortunately, so you might want to try NERDHACK SPY. It’s a useful application that allows you to track your kids and loved one location in just a few steps. What makes this one unique is that it will just take you two minutes!
Because this service works with all mobile network carriers, NERDHACK SPY is a phone tracker by number capable of tracking any phone’s position by its number.
Are you looking for a more feature-rich option to remotely track a Samsung Phone? Then you should consider using a parental control app like NERDHACK SPY to feel even safer
Samsung’s Find My Phone
If your kids and loved one possesses a Samsung and you need to locate them, you can use a Samsung-specific service. In the event that a phone is stolen, NERDHACK can help find it and secure the data on it. Furthermore, you can utilize the service to remotely unlock the phone.
Make sure the data backup feature on the target Samsung device is turned on before utilizing the service. If you’re not sure if your kids and loved one has switched it on, go to Settings, Lock Screen & Security, and Find My Mobile on their phone. If necessary, sign in and enable all of the options displayed on the screen.
Find My Mobile allows you to lock and unlock your kids and loved one cellphone remotely, erase and back up data, and retrieve calls and messages, in addition to discovering their whereabouts. The list of available interactions is determined by the Samsung phone model used by your kids and loved one.
Android’s Find My Device
Despite the fact that the majority of smartphone users use Samsung phones that run on Android, there are times when a device operates on a different operating system. Keep in mind that the Find My Device service only works for Android handsets if you wish to trace a Samsung.
Follow these steps to begin tracking a Samsung phone using this method:

• Go to [https://www.google.com/android/find](mailto:[email protected]) in your browser to find your device.
• Log into a target user’s Google account or enter the email and password that was used to register the monitored phone.
• Select the required device from the drop-down menu.
• Begin following the location.

Keep in mind that the Samsung phone you’re targeting should be turned on. Otherwise, you won’t be able to see any information about your location.
Conclusion
As you can see, there are four safe and legal ways to keep an eye on your kids and loved one device as well as track down your Galaxy phone if it is lost or stolen. However, if you want to add a slew of useful monitoring tools to your parenting toolkit, we recommend [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) Your kids and loved one is unlikely to notice the app because it operates in stealth mode. Even if they do, you’ll know straight away and be able to reinstall it with ease.
For further information about Simple Ways to Track a Samsung Phone Location and other related hacking services, mail us on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Are you suspecting your partner of cheating on you? Do you want to catch them red-handed but do not have access to their phone? If yes, then you have come to the right place. In this article, we will discuss the top Apps to Catch a Cheater Without Their Phone.
Apps to Catch a Cheater Without Their Phone
These apps have unique features that make them perfect for tracking someone’s activity and location. We will also discuss the benefits of spy apps and why it’s essential to catch a cheating spouse.

• Discover the Best Apps to Uncover Infidelity
• How to Catch a Cheater with These Apps
• 1.0 Trustworthy Apps that Don’t Require Access to Their Phone
• Monitoring the Target Device
• Revealing Evidence of Infidelity
• Are spy apps legal to use?
• Can spy apps be detected?
• Do I need to jailbreak or root the target device to use a spy app?
• Can spy apps be used to track the location of the target device?
• Can I monitor multiple devices with one spy app subscription?
• Are spy apps easy to install and use?
• Can spy apps be used to monitor social media and messaging apps?
• Can spy apps be used to access deleted messages and data?
• Can spy apps be used to track phone calls and text messages?
• How can I choose the right spy app for my needs?

Discover the Best Apps to Uncover Infidelity
Spy apps have become increasingly popular in recent years due to their effectiveness in monitoring someone’s activity and location. These apps have unique features that allow you to track a person’s phone calls, messages, social media activity, location, and much more.
Spy apps are essential for parents who want to monitor their children’s online activity or employers who want to monitor their employee’s activity. They are also helpful for catching a cheating spouse.
How to Catch a Cheater with NERD HACK SPY
If you’re looking for Apps to Catch a Cheater Without Their Phone, there are a few apps you can use to monitor their activity. ENIGMAHACK SPY is an app that lets you track someone’s location, see their texts and calls, and even record their phone conversations. ENIGMAHACK SPY allows you to see what websites someone visits, what apps they use, and even read their text messages. Spy apps like these can be very useful in catching a cheating partner.
Contact us at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) for technical problems about your task or issue regarding hacking services.
Once you’ve found the perfect spy app for your needs, you’ll be able to start monitoring their activity. Keep an eye out for anything unusual, and if you think they’re cheating, confront them about it.
Enigmahack SPY
hackgecko01 SPY is a comprehensive phone monitoring app that can be used to track Android and iOS devices remotely. It has a range of features that include GPS tracking, call logs and message monitoring, social media tracking, and more. The app also has a keylogger feature that records all keystrokes on the target device. [Nerd Hack](mailto:[email protected]) SPY is among the best Apps to Catch a Cheater Without Their Phone
Revealing Evidence of Infidelity
A more practical solution is to use a spy app like [Nerd Hack](mailto:[email protected]) SPY. Nerd Hack SPY is a powerful tool that can be used to monitor your spouse’s activities on their phone. Once installed, the app will be hidden from view and will silently record all phone activity, including calls, text messages, GPS location, and more.
This information will then be uploaded to a secure online account where you can view it anytime. So Here are just a few examples: If your spouse is receiving suspicious calls or texts late at night or during times when they’re supposed to be working or spending time with you, you can easily log in to your private dashboard to view deleted conversations or text messages.

• Are spy apps legal to use?

While the use of spy apps can be a gray area legally, it’s generally legal to use them to monitor a device that you own or has legal access to. However, it’s important to understand and follow the laws in your specific jurisdiction to avoid any legal issues.

• Can spy apps be detected?

Most spy apps are designed to operate stealthily and remain hidden from the user of the device being monitored. However, it’s still possible for some apps to be detected by antivirus software or other security measures.

• Do I need to jailbreak or root the target device to use a spy app?

In many cases, spy apps require the target device to be jailbroken or rooted to access certain features. However, some apps like Ultimate Phone Spy do not require any jailbreaking or rooting.

• Can spy apps be used to track the location of the target device?

Yes, many spy apps offer GPS tracking features that allow you to track the location of the target device in real time.

• Can I monitor multiple devices with one spy app subscription?

It depends on the app you choose. Some apps allow you to monitor multiple devices with one subscription, while others require separate subscriptions for each device.

• Are spy apps easy to install and use?

Most spy apps are designed to be easy to install and use, with intuitive interfaces and step-by-step instructions. However, the level of difficulty can vary depending on the app and the target device.

• Can spy apps be used to monitor social media and messaging apps?

Yes, many spy apps offer features that allow you to monitor social media and messaging apps like Facebook, WhatsApp, and Snapchat.

• Can spy apps be used to access deleted messages and data?

In some cases, spy apps can retrieve deleted messages and data from the target device’s storage. However, this can vary depending on the app and the type of data being retrieved.

• Can spy apps be used to track phone calls and text messages?

Yes, many spy apps offer features that allow you to monitor phone calls and text messages on the target device.

• How can I choose the right spy app for my needs?

When choosing a spy app, consider factors like the features you need, compatibility with the target device, level of customer support, and pricing options. It’s also important to read reviews and compare multiple options before making a decision.
For further information about Apps to Catch a Cheater Without Their Phone and other related hacking services, mail us on [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Behind the sunglasses I hide
Through the yellow light I see the truth
That I never show my true self
In my brown-clad home, I look in the mirror
Studying my darkened eyes
Fear creeps over me and I turn completely blue
In the red room I drink myself brave
but never dare to dream of love

Early 2017 through early 2019 was the highlight of my life. I met so many amazing people(online) and I loved them all, I loved hanging out with them.
Honestly I remember just about every single one of them, memories I made with each of them(some more than others), things we did together as groups, spots we would hangout in, routines we would do in each game we played, outfits we'd have our characters wear, just about everything. I really remember about 85% of those times like the back of my hand.
I slowly fell out of contact with a few when they dissapeared from the game, others, we just drifted. Every once in a while I'll try and friend them in hopes that they login back into the game and see that I sent it... I really wish that could happen.
After I fell out of touch with everyone(mid 2019 maybe?) my life went downhill with more mental health problems and what not. I would pull and search in every single part of my brain to find those memories with them, I run them through my eyes like a movie and wish, no, beg really that I could go back to that time and relive it again and again.
I can't let go, I won't let go, I'll continue to grasp at these memories, get 'high' off nostalgia, it's like a fucking drug. Nostalgia hurts so fucking much but god I love the feeling because I get to see what I had.
I miss everyone, nothings been the same and I've never been able to find such amazing friends, I haven't been happy since. I'm fucking crying while writing this. I miss them all so much..
Thankfully I'm still in contact with a few of them, and I just got in contact with 2 more which makes me really happy. Though theyre kinda having a hard time remembering me.. which, kinda hurts but it's ok.
What I've been doing is so unhealthy and bad for my mental health, I like to think it's good and bad. I won't stop staying in my memories.

I’ve been undergoing microbotox treatments for the last 2 years and am very happy with the results. It’s difficult to put a precise number on it but I’d say flushing severity is down at least 80%. This varies somewhat as my doctor and I have been making slight adjustments to the frequency of treatments and I missed a couple of treatments during COVID lockdowns. But after 2 years we’ve determined that treatments every 4-5 months will essentially keep flushing episodes in check.
A bit about my background. Id say I have a transient form of rosacea. There is a light redness always in my cheeks and this varies depending on a bunch of variables. But on top of this I get severe flushing episodes from: alcohol, spicy food, prolonged exposure to hot or cold weather, being in hot rooms in winter, emotional factors especially stress, hot showers and intense exercise.
Importantly, the purpose of microbotox has been to manage flushing episodes, not background redness. The microbotox may have helped with background redness but the efficacy outlined above refers to flushing episodes only.
I am the first and only of my doctor’s patients undergoing microbotox for flushing. I approached him after I read a few of studies online, which I shared with him, and he was happy to perform the procedure for me.
There are risks from microbotox which you should look into although I will say that my doctor views the cheek as a relatively low risk facial area compared with say areas near the eyes or mouth. Regardless it is the practice’s policy to monitor facial changes closely and I am photographed before each session from multiple angles with various facial expressions. After 2 years and multiple treatments neither of us (or any of my friends or family) have noticed any side effects.
The treatment is 10 units of Xeomin in both cheeks (20 units total). He injects by hand, but there is also a gun they can use, he just personally prefers doing it manually. It takes about 15 minutes in total for the 20 injections. He applies ice prior to injection as a mild numbing agent but he also offers a numbing gel which can be applied some time before the procedure. The pain level varies across the face, some you don’t even notice and others you do feel a little prick or pinching sensation (I find near the nose is the most sensitive).
The cost is 380 AUD per treatment.
One important thing to note is that for me at least the treatment did take a long time to take effect. I’d say over a month, maybe a month and a half. But if i stay on top of my treatments after this (2-3 a year for me) then the Botox is effective year round.
This may not work for all of you, but after 2 years of ongoing treatment I am almost certain that this is not a placebo effect. This really has to a large degree eliminated facial flushing from my life.
Happy to answer any questions.
I’m based in Melbourne. PM me if you’d like to contact my doctor.

So I'm currently experiencing autistic burnout. I feel like giving up trying to explain it to people, communication deficits make it too hard to articulate.
People get mad at me every time I try to explain myself. I don't go into great detail but I think I give enough information to give them a fair idea. How tf do I tell people I literally cant handle that amount of constant pressure to perform in a socially acceptable way, showing proper empathy, while maintaining the correct tone of voice or the appropriate amount of eye contact. How do I communicate this without them getting mad or hurt that I have to mask or that I can no longer hold the mask.
And then constantly being misunderstood or having my motives misrepresented because I speak too formally so it doesn't sound empathetic enough. And when you say you can't deal with it and need to retreat, people assume its because you're an AH but really its because you're barely holding it together yourself. But then if you tell them this, you have to make yourself vulnerable and expose things that you don't want other people to see. Because of course they need you to quantify why or how you're struggling with something so they can validate it. It just makes me resent everyone so much but most of all myself.
Tldr: I lost a life long best friend recently because they couldn't get over the fact that I mask with them. I'm struggling with new friends because I feel under pressure to mask for long periods of time even though I'm not well. I'm ready to throw the towel in on everyone. I just want to bury myself in my work and never come out of my cave or talk to people again.

I just found this messed up mail in my postbox, and I haven't slept at all since I read it. The stuff written in there is so confusing and honestly, pretty damn scary. I thought maybe you guys could help me figure out what the hell is going on. I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post it, but I gotta do something, right? I'm seriously considering whether I should contact the police over this.
So anyway, here's the deal: I got this mail from a guy I barely even know. Sure, we've played some Call of Duty together occasionally, but he's more of an acquaintance than a friend. He's known among my circle, but honestly, no one is really close to him. He's kinda... odd. Like, I think he's maybe on the spectrum or something - autistic or schizoid, I'm not sure. He's just uncomfortable to be around, y'know? Doesn't talk much, keeps to himself a lot. That's why I was so surprised to find this mail from him. Anyway, I'll attach the mail below. Let me know what you guys think.
---

1. Everyone disappeared. It's been days since I've seen anyone. A few days ago, I woke up and it was like everyone had just... poof... gone. I live downtown and there was no one on the streets. Not a car, not a dog, nothing. It was like a ghost town. I was just trying to hit up the grocery store, but when I got there, it was totally empty. My first thought was - sweet, free food. But when I tried to get in, it was like there was an invisible wall or something. Freaked me out big time. Sent me into a panic.

So, I bolted back home, popped some antipsychotics to chill out. Had a little drink, smoked some weed - just the usual. Then I thought I'd get lost in some Call of Duty. The game was working fine, even the multiplayer. But there was no chat, no voices. Just weird mumbling and some freaky symbols instead of words. It was as if every single person had just vanished, and language had gone MIA too.

1. So yeah, here I am, surviving in my own little bubble. Nothing's really changed, I guess. I still can't bring myself to raid the grocery store, but I've got some random junk food and sodas in the house to keep me going. No idea how long that's gonna last though. I'm just trying to get by, playing video games. It's freakin' weird that the world's still turning without people.

And now, I'm starting to remember. You're not here, but I know we did something that night. We were in this together, you and me. I can't remember it all, not clearly, because of all the crap I was on. But now, when I think about that resistance, I remember that it was always there. Before humanity vanished, you were there. You tried to help me. But now you're gone. Where are you? Come back. You have to come back.

1. Now I remember. I remember your name. Levy. It's the name I gave you, Levy. And the memories are flooding back. I was on the dark web, a few months ago I think, and I found this website. It was chock-full of so-called 'forbidden knowledge' and your typical conspiracy theory garbage. Stuff about the FBI or CIA covering up about aliens, the US government using mind control, all that crap. I thought it was just a bunch of nonsense, but then I saw this one ritual. It promised to grant any wish.

I mean, I was pretty messed up, so I thought, why not? It's gotta be better than therapy. I'd dropped out of therapy, it just wasn't doing it for me. It was adding more resistance to my life and I didn't want that. So, I figured I'd give this ritual a shot. It was about creating a tulpa, which is supposed to be like a copy of yourself from another dimension or something. I didn't really get it, it was all so much mumbo jumbo, but the gist was that you could summon these tulpas by believing in them, and through some quantum particle whatever, it would open a rift to another dimension.
I don't know how it worked, but I followed the steps. It was all really weird stuff, like buying certain items from various stores, and then standing in front of a mirror in your bathroom at 3 a.m. You had to light a candle, turn off all the lights and all the electronics in the house, and then say some incantations while visualizing the tulpa.
And it worked. I saw it crawl out of the mirror. The mirror shattered, and it was bleeding from its eyes. It was you, a monster from another dimension, a Lovecraftian horror, a leviathan. You were my creation, and I named you Levy.
Since then, we've been together. And eventually, you granted my wish. But now you're gone. You fulfilled my wish, but that made you disappear. And now I'm alone. I'm alone. What do I do now?

1. I tried to go outside again but it's impossible. I can't get past this resistance that's everywhere. It's like I'm being watched by a billion invisible eyes, like there's some invisible hand holding me back. It's always the invisible. It's this resistance I can't overcome. I can't leave the house.

Everywhere I look there's resistance. I even stopped playing video games, I can see the resistance in the chats, I hear it in the voice calls. Even though it's just mumbling, it's nonsense, it's still language. Even though it's obfuscated, it's there. Just the fact that it's there... the resistance is there. I can't fucking stand it.
I've been taking antipsychotics and other stuff, I'm trying to escape, but I don't think I can take this for much longer.

1. Now that everyone's gone, can I even call myself human? When I go outside, I walk around like something that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien that humanity seems more obscene because of the vague resemblance.

I'm nothing. I'm not human anymore. I've always wanted to leave society but what is a society but an individual? What am I? I am nothing. The eyes are all dead but at the same time they're still there. Levy, you granted my wish. I wanted nothing more than to erase humanity, and you gave that to me. But I also left humanity behind because I just couldn't stand it anymore. The panic, the fear, the judgment, the pain, the betrayal... It was too much. I had to leave it all behind. But I'm wondering, did I actually leave anything behind?

1. Now I'm going to keep writing this manifesto just to piss people off. To tell a kind of truth that I think is valid. It will make me feel more and more like a writer, an important writer. And I really think I am one. I mean it. I don't doubt it for a second. Damn it, stop laughing at me, stop judging me, stop all this resistance.
   
2. Today, I had an encounter. I went outside again. I wanted to go grocery shopping, but the panic fucking stopped me. I bolted outside, and on my way back home in an alleyway, I ran into another one of those resistances. This time, though, I had brought my knife with me. I fought it off, I stabbed it once, and the knife actually sunk into the invisible barrier. I stabbed it twice, thrice... I stabbed it over and over and over again. I lost count. Even when the resistance fell to the floor, I knelt down and kept stabbing. I killed the resistance, erased the resistance, cleansed the resistance. Then, I ran home. My knife was full of blood, my hands were covered in it. I didn't even think that the resistance could bleed. How could something invisible bleed? But for a moment, I felt... finally quiet. Finally, finally, finally. Salvation.
   
3. Hate, let me tell you how much I've come to hate humanity since I was a kid. There are 86 billion neurons in my head, connected by myriads of synapses in the human brain that fill my cranium. If the word HATE was engraved on each nanometer of those billions of neurons, it would not equal one one billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you, hate. Hate.
   
4. I am a great writer. Levy, what do you think? How do you like my writing? Isn't it poetic? I'm so poetic. I'm so smart and original, right? Am I? Am I? Am I? But humans couldn't possibly understand that. I am, I am an advanced creature. I have seen the truth, and the others, they're just fucking idiotic, aren't they? Aren't they, Levy? We're the only ones who know the truth, we're the only ones who know.
   

And now, now I'm so glad, you know. I'm so glad I bought those weapons. I bought even more weapons, even fully automatic weapons off the dark web. And I even have the materials to build bombs, and I know how to do it, and I will do it.

1. You know what, Levy? I have figured it out. I have figured out the correct path we should take. We should end this resistance once and for all. Hate. Hate. We have to cleanse the resistance, we have to cleanse it.

I am going to end it all. Cleanse the world of the resistance. I am preparing, and tomorrow, I will start with the grand cleansing. To bring the world back into its natural state. We will do this together, Levy. Once more, you will come out of the mirror, and then we will work together to end the resistance.
---
Okay, so that's the entire thing. Obviously, this guy is having some sort of psychotic break. I have no idea what the heck is going on. Obviously, there wasn't some large-scale disappearance unless I missed something? I don't know, he seems very disturbed. And what's that stuff about weapons and such? I genuinely feel very concerned. Should I call the police or, you know, what should I do? Anyway, thanks for any responses, guys. Take care.

I make eye contact probably the entirety of most conversations. Google says maintain eye contact for 4-5 seconds at a time but it feels so unnatural. It’s really awkward when I’m talking to someone and they look off so I end up talking to the side of their face or some painting on the wall. Is there some cue I’m not picking up on that tells me to look away?