I am not from a physics background. In fact, I'm a fiction writer. Lately I've been fascinated by the physics of the 19th century.
I came across Emil Warburg's experiments on the kinetic theory of gases. I was wondering if someone could decode or explain in simpler terms the conclusion his experiments came to.
I found an article outlining the tenets of K.T.o.G. But can't quite wrap my head around this:
'...confirmation of a consequence that Max-well had derived from the theory: that the inner friction and the heat conduction of a gas are independent of the pressure, so long as the mean paths of the molecules are negligible with respect to the dimensions of the container...'
Surely if you pressurise a gas that will affect the movement of the particles that make up the whole? What am I not understanding?
Here's the source: https://www.encyclopedia.com/science/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/warburg-emil-gabriel

B
I ceased contact because I thought it was the only way I could break free from this hold. But neither the silence, nor the thousands of miles between us have relieved me.
You invade my dreams; my every waking thought; you destroy any fantasy of meeting another who may love me the way I deserve. And though I crave intimacy, the prospect of anyone else touching me fills me with dread. Nobody’s eyes search mine the way yours did. Nobody’s gaze, or lips or hands caress my body the way yours did.
To acknowledge this power you have over me makes me feel vulnerable, but I don’t care about appearing strong anymore, I need to get it out of me. I so desperately want you to know that only you can satiate me. Only you can take me to that world where nothing else matters.
My desire for you will remain unfulfilled, perhaps for the rest of my life. Through time I will learn to accept this and, hopefully, the tight grip you have on my heart will start to loosen. I will come to terms with the fact that you do not care for me to the same degree that I do you, if at all.
I put up my walls and ran away because I was afraid to hear you say this. But also because I was tired of thinking that your indifference was an indication of my unworthiness. I was tired of not being truthful to myself, of trying to convince myself that I didn't care, out of fear that it would be unreasonable or silly or frightening TO YOU. Out of fear that I wasn't good enough.
I accepted how shitty and anxious our dynamic made me feel, just so I could be in your life in whatever capacity you would have me. I just couldn't anymore.
I wanted to send this to you, but I won't. I will never come back, I will never reach out, and you will never hear from me again. But I will surrender to the pain, the tenderness, and all the feelings I’ve been avoiding for too long. I won't feel ashamed or silly for caring about you. I surrender. I fucking miss you. Nothing and nobody compares. But you were also awful. I wish you all the best.
N

Me (25M) and my GF (22F) have been officially together for just over a year now but started seeing each other around 18 months ago and are currently having some issues with new distance in the relationship.
When we first met she lived 40 minutes away, which at the time didnt feel so bad. We took things slow (mostly on my terms) but ended up fostering a committed relationship. She began to look to move closer to me, viewed several places to rent and even got a job near me. Though i currently live with my parents she spent most days with me and stayed most nights while she was looking somewhere.
The first half of last year was great, we went away together a lot made a tonne of memories in a short time and built a genuinely amazing relationship. My relationship before her was 8 years long, and ive felt so much more love in this newer one. Im basically trying to say that things were very good, everything was so easy and it just felt like we were made to be a team.
Summer came around and she ended up landing her dream job opportunity of becoming a tattoo artist (apprentice position). The studio was 50 minutes away, but it didnt seem so bad i was just thrilled for her because these positions are famously hard to get. A couple months later she ended up getting a place over there. On a good day it's 50 mins away, on a bad more like 70.
Initially she was working 3 days and living off of savings as well as the small amount she earned at the time. So we still had time to make the trips and stay with eachother for a few nights at a time. However she now works a full 5 days, but tattoo apprenticeships arent particularly lucrative so shes even having to now look for part time work to fit around it.
Im freelance, which is both a blessing and a curse, it means i can be flexible with my time and work from home at her place so we can see eachother on evenings. It also means that my work can be super sporadic and lead to unfortunate timings where we may not see eachother for over a week or more.
But things have been particularly tough recently. We had a bit of a rough patch before Christmas where she didnt feel i was making enough effort and felt that i wasnt committed to our future (she was right to a degree in that i hadnt been doing much to show my intent and put that effort in) then she ended up kissing another guy on a random night out. She owned up to it after it had happened and we took some time off, i made the decision to let her back and try to rebuild some trust. Though many people might think thats not a great move i was happy with my decision and things actually got way way better, we had some conversations and loads of time together over Christmas which was a blessing. Our relationship genuinely got a second lease of life after that.
However the pain from that still festered and i still struggled to fully trust her, the past couple of months ive been quite anxious and maybe sometimes overbearing and just feeling suspicious which has definitely had an effect on her too.
The last month in particular has been difficult as shes had to do things on her usual days off and work has become more busy for me, typically on her days off too. So weve been trying to block out time together but its proven difficult.
This past week ive noticed that shes been a little off, i managed to stay at hers last night and decided to semi address the situation. I was upset and didnt put on my best performance (tears etc) but basically she said she feels like our relationship and her life where she currently lives are two separate things, like shes living 2 lives almost. She said that she feels like she cant establish a social life where she lives or fully settle because of our relationship. Shes always been quite needy (i dont mean that in a negative way) in the sense that she likes to have me around all the time, she basically said that all of the issues that have come with the distance are not what she wants in a relationship. Both of our love languages are physical touch and quality time which arent helped by distance.
The further issue is that we dont have an end goal/distance closer in sight. I will be moving out of my parents house this summer to a city that is even further away (probably 90 minutes total), she considered moving to the city too but says she doesnt want to make the move if im the only reason (which is fair enough i understand that perspective fully). I had tried to push her to move and look for an apprenticeship in that city but she seems to think it will be impossible as theyre super hard to get.
During our conversation last night she said she had kind of made the decision to settle there because it was easier than moving again. We didnt really come to any sort of conclusion, as far as i know we are still together but it feels like its all hanging in the balance.
I want to make this work, i believe we have a good relationship and the only reason for it to end would be 50 minutes of driving, which feels like a waste to me. I considered taking more time off to wrap our heads around the issue but I'm anxious that more space isnt the solution. Im concerned that she will now think im being too needy and anxious as ive made it very clear i dont want things to end.
Any advice would be so appreciated, even just a new perspective!
TLDR: GF (22F) of just over a year recently moved 50 minutes away for work. We have a very good relationship (barre one rough patch where she kissed someone else as our relationship took a hefty dip). Things have been busy and we've struggled to see eachother more than once a week recently. I will be moving further away (90 mins) in summer and we dont have an end goal of distance closer in sight. Im freelance so sometimes can work at her place and see eachother on evenings, she had time to look to move to the city that im moving to but has decided to settle where she is as she doesnt want to make the move just because i am.
Reposted to fix title

Welcome to part 2 of the results to the subreddit census we ran a couple of weeks ago! Here is part 1 on the general demographic info in case you missed it. This time around we're looking at the results to the questions on 'following the game' - by far the chunkiest of the 4 sections in the survey, containing 15 questions. To stop the post being one unbroken wall of text, the results will be split up into a few mini-sections which will hopefully be a little nicer to read through. Off we go...

National Team and Time Spent Following Cricket

• Much like the results for birth country, supporters of the 'big 3' make up the bulk of Cricket's community with fans of India (49.15%), Australia (23.44%), and England (10.21%) accounting for over 80% of the userbase between them. New Zealand (5.53%), Pakistan (4.21%), South Africa (1.51%), and Sri Lanka (1.09%) are the only other teams whose fans make up more than 1% of the sub
• Cricket users have been fans of the sport for a significant length of time, with nearly 90% of responses indicating they been following the game for 5 or more years, and nearly half for 15 years or more. Considering most of the sub is under 30 years old, that's likely the majority of the lifetime of most users that has been spent as a fan of the sport

Which Competitions Do You Follow?

• In terms of international competitions, Cricket prefers to watch men's tests and world cups above all else. Men's cricket consistently has greater followership than the women's equivalent across the board, and while followership significantly decreases as the format gets shorter in the men's game, there's a slight increase for shorter formats in the women's. It should be noted that when the survey was taken, there were 3 test series ongoing which could partially explain the extremely high response for men's tests
• In terms of franchise competitions, Cricket loves the IPL most of all. Not much surprising here given the spread of fanbases established previously, although the PSL and SA20 do seem particularly well-followed relative to the more modest Pakistan and South African fanbases on the sub - perhaps the IPL influence and novelty factor could be driving increased viewership for SA20, along with WPL and ILT20
• In terms of domestic competitions, Cricket mainly keeps tabs on the 'big 3' nations (again), but followership is far lower across the board when compared to the international and franchise competitions. Followership seems to roughly correlate with the size of fanbase for the nation (shown above), with some variation - e.g. Indian domestic cricket which is somewhat under-followed, and English domestic cricket is significantly over-followed (perhaps due to the high number of internationals that take part in English competitions, drawing followers from other fanbases)

Followership Habits

• Cricket tends to watch a match every few days, with just over 70% of responders watching between 2 and 10 matches per month on average. Tough to read too much into this one, as I imagine most users watch a lot of matches during their country's home season, but far less outside of this period, so the average will be somewhere in the middle of two very different values
• Cricket will watch matches even if their team isn't playing, with only 5.51% of responses claiming they only watch matches when they support one of the teams. There is, however, still a preference towards watching your team, with most users either indicating they either only watch big matches where their team isn't playing (30.21%), or predominantly watching their team while still regularly watching others (43.73%)
• In a similar trend, the majority of Cricket watches some women's cricket - with only 13.17% claiming they only watch the men's game - but there is still a strong preference towards watching men's cricket. Around half of users only watch big matches in the women's game (49.43%), and a further 31.11% follow both men's and women's cricket but definitely more men's
• Cricket's go-to method of following cricket is through score updates like CricInfo and CricBuzz, with 88.15% of the community using them. Interestingly, legal streaming services (71.4%) narrowly beat out TV (67.12%) for the second most popular way of following live cricket. 37.77% of you indicated you use 'other' streams, and yes, we will be sending a ICC/BCCI official round to your houses to personally serve you with a copyright infringement notice for this
• Highlights and articles are Cricket's favourite forms of cricketing media, with 83.41% and 75.47% of responders consuming these forms respectively. Social media posts (61.44%), non-highlight videos (40.5%), and podcasts (36.96%) sit in the middle of the pack, while only 20.32% have the time to regularly watch full-match replays

Watching Matches In Person

• Most of Cricket does not regularly watch matches in person, with 55% of responders claiming they watch no matches at the ground/stadium per year on average. A further 23.51% only watch a single match per year, leaving just over 20% of users who generally attend multiple matches in person annually
• Over half of Cricket has watched a men's international match in person at 58.31% of responses. For both men and women, there is a clear pattern of internationals being the best-attended, with franchise matches being significantly lower, and domestic matches even lower than that. It's also worth noting that the drop-off between corresponding men's and women's matches here is far greater than it was for the questions about followership, suggesting people are generally less likely to go see a match for a women's competition they follow than they would for a men's comp
• Around 1/8th of Cricket users have been to a match overseas at 12.74% of responders. Possibly a bit higher than you might've expected, especially when you consider that most users don't regularly attend matches at all

Using Cricket

• In what is an immensely satisfying pie chart to look at, there is a nice spread of time periods that users have been coming to Cricket. You can broadly split responses into 5 categories of how long they've used the sub, all of which account for roughly 20% of answers: Less than 1 year, 1-2 years, 2-3 years, 3-5 years, more than 5 years. Over half have started coming here in the last 3 years, which reflects the massive growth the sub has seen over that period
• And finally, in another piece of statistical satisfaction, almost exactly half of Cricket regularly participates in match threads. 50.78% do participate, 49.22% don't. Have to give a shoutout to u/poochi here for running CricketMatchBot the past few years, along with all the users who regularly make match threads for domestic competitions - you all massively enhance the sub for so many users!

And breathe. Hopefully that wasn't too much of a slog to read through; like I said at the start, this is by far the meatiest of the 4 sections, meaning the others shouldn't be this bad. A few quite interesting and slightly unexpected results in there, so hopefully there's a bit for you all to discuss in the comments. Part 3 will likely be out sometime next week, and will cover the section on playing cricket, including everyone's favourite question from the survey: 'how do you rate your cricketing ability out of 10?'.

Imgur album of all charts from this post

Bank of America strategist Michael Hartnett and his team said they expect equity and credit markets to plunge in the coming months as fears of an economic slowdown intensify and money in the markets is fleeing at the fastest pace since the outbreak of the epidemic.
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Hartnett said, "Credit and equity markets are too greedy for rate cuts and not worried enough about the recession." The strategist, who has been rightly bearish on U.S. Treasuries for the past year, says investment-grade spreads and the equity market will take a hit in the next three to six months.
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Markets have been on edge due to the collapse of several U.S. banks and the turmoil at Credit Suisse. This has not affected central banks, which have insisted on raising interest rates to curb inflation despite the pressure on the banking system, such as the Federal Reserve, the European Central Bank and the Bank of England.
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The report, citing data from EPFR Global, said global cash fund inflows for the week ending Wednesday were nearly $143 billion, the largest since March 2020, and have accumulated more than $300 billion in the past four weeks. Money market fund assets soared to more than $5.1 trillion, the highest level on record, Hartnett said, adding that the previous spike coincided with sharp interest rate cuts by the Federal Reserve in 2008 and 2020.
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Hartnett believes the Fed could cut rates sharply in the next 12 months, but that may only begin after the jobs number turns negative.
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Hartnett said investors should sell stocks after the last rate hike, given the negative impact of rising unemployment. It's a more protracted bear market than normal," he writes, "but policy intervention means stocks have not yet absorbed the effects of the sharp decline, and the biggest bull market recovery" will only come after the biggest drop.
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After the last decline in stocks, "we will buy long-term leading inflationary cyclicals rather than the old leaders in credit, private equity and large technology stocks.

Hello Campfire Tales! I am a huge fan of your channel and thought it would be a great idea to share with you one of my terrifying experiences/encounters as a former park ranger at Everglades National park. I I woke up bright and early to the sound of my alarm. I opened my eyes, having a positive, carefree attitude. It was almost as if I knew that that day was going to be a good day, but boy, was I terribly wrong..
I stretched and let out a sigh filled with positivity, almost as if my body was trying to butter me up for what was about to come. I rolled out of bed cheerfully and headed to the bathroom. I stopped in my tracks when I saw something peculiar in the toilet.
I quickly turned around and left the bathroom because I really didn;t want to deal with anything on such a positive day, but after a while of staring at my bed in wonder of what the thing i saw was, I convinced myself that despite the type of day i was having, I still needed to check out the peculiar thing.
I turned back around and walked into the bathroom to see the horrific scene of two yellow, inhuman eyes staring back at me. I screamed in fear and jumped back a few feet. I began to hyperventilate as I continued to stare at the two eyes staring back at me, seemingly into my soul.
I continued to stand there, labored breathing, trying my absolute best to comprehend the bizarre and foreign scene in front of me.
How… or who.. Or what… eyes are those?
I finally recollected myself and decided to take a few steps closer to the scene, but quickly turned back around when I realized just how risky a decision like that could be. I entered my bedroom and found a ski mask. I put the ski mask on, knowing that in reality it most likely wouldn;t protect me from whatever creature was in my toilet, but my philosophy was that something was better than nothing.
I made it back into the bathroom, where the scene was located, and took a few deep breaths to prepare myself for the sort of confrontation I was about to face. I took more deep breaths as I slowly inched closer and closer to the toilet, until eventually I was right back where I had been, standing on top of a toilet, staring at two yellow eyes.
There was something incredibly bizarre and terrifying about these eyes. If you were to look at them, they would look like a normal animal's eyes, but it’s almost as if a malicious energy is radiating off of them.
It certainly could have just been the principle of the situation that was making me feel this way, but I’m not going to brush off the malicious energy theory.
I realized I had been standing there, simply staring at the eyes for upwards of twenty minutes when I finally checked my watch. It was almost as if the eyes possessed a power to distort their victims' perception of time as they knew it. I could have sworn I was only staring at those eyes for thirty seconds, a minute at most, but no, somehow an entire twenty minutes had passed.
I quickly snapped out of staring at the creature and decided to try something. I closed the toilet and flushed the toilet. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth as I began to hear disgusting and horrifying loud noises, and then I heard nothing.
I opened the lid of the toilet and was incredibly relieved to see that the now familiar eyes were no longer there and staring at me. I truthfully had no idea how my plan had worked considering there was no way my toilet had the power to flush away a creature that big, but I was just thankful it was gone.
I stepped away from the toilet and turned on the shower. As I was waiting for it to heat up, a huge amount of disgusting, incomprehensible colored, black sludge came pouring out of the shower drain. I watched in horror for around five seconds until it finally stopped, and the water turned back to normal, and washed away the black sludge completely after around one minute.
Even after the scene was completely done with and the shower was back to normal, I couldn;t stop staring at the place where an incredibly horrific and incomprehensible scene had happened that I was now supposed to simply step into and embrace to get ready for work.
I knew that there was no way in hell I would be able to convince myself to go into the shower, so I simply exited the bathroom and locked the door from the outside using a chair in my room. I was so paranoid that I continuously checked behind me, every second or so, as I walked the very few steps needed to get to my closet which contained my work uniform.
I opened my closet door and screamed and felt intense fear for a split second when I mistook two yellow buttons on one of my shirts for the two yellow eyes I was unfortunately familiar with.
I decided to pick out that shirt , as a sort of way of exposure therapy to s,all, round, yellow objects, which I was aware I would now very unfortunately have a fear of for at least a good portion of the remainder of my life.
I put on the yellow shirt and looked into the mirror as I buttoned it up, feeling tense, feeling as if maybe this was a bad decision to make. I finally finished buttoning up my shirt, and I exited my bedroom and made my way into the living room which contained the front door. I opened the front door and embraced the chilly air, knowing today was going to be a rough day full of discomfort.
I adjusted the shirt on myself in the mirror, trying to gain some confidence to wear it. After a few minutes of doing that, I finally gained the confidence. I exited my room and entered the living room, and then took the few steps needed to reach the front door.
I turned the front door handle and embraced the warm spring air, knowing that today was going to be a rough one. I walked to my vehicle and opened the car door before getting inside and making myself cozy. My drive to work was around forty five minutes long, so at least that gave me some time to ponder about the situation that happened.
I sat in my car, almost crashing a few times, from thinking about the situation too much. Dozens of thoughts rant through my mind.
Am I crazy? Was it all just a hallucination?
What was that creature?
Will I see that creature again?
What came out of the shower head?
Am I safe to return to my home?
After nearly crashing into a car for the sixth time now, I decided to take my mind off of the bizarre creature as it was clearly not safe to think about in the midst of driving a few thousand pound vehicle.
After a while more of driving, this time without thinking about the incident, I arrived at my workplace. I pulled into the dirt parking lot that was next to the rangers office that I was assigned to on that day. I parked in my lucky parking spot and quickly exited the vehicle and I was soon on my way, taking the few dozen steps needed to reach the office door.
I made it to the office door and fumbled around inside of my pocket to find my keys. MY heart sank beneath the floor when I realized there was absolutely nothing in my pocket. It was then that I made the fateful and horrific realization that I had forgotten my keys all the way back at home, clearly having been too distracted by that creature to remember them.
I let out an audible and loud groan of frustration that caused a few nearby birds to fly away.
I was working the early morning shift today, and unfortunately I was assigned to work alone today, meaning there was no one to let me in. I knew that the late morning shift people would not arrive for four hours. It was then that I became aware of my two options: I could either wait four hours for the late morning shift workers to arrive on site and open the door for me, or I could drive forty five minutes there, and forty five minutes back, and then open the door for myself.
I let out one more audible and quiet loud goran of frustration, causing even more birds to fly away. I stepped down the steps that led to the dirt parking lot that was attached to the patio attached to the rangers office. I took the few dozen steps needed to reach my vehicle and I reached into my pocket, pulling out my car keys.
I stood still for a second and looked at my car keys in despair, wishing that I had remembered my other set of keys as well. I unlocked the car and got in the driver's seat. The drive home felt twice as long as it usually would have because of the pure anger and frustration I felt from forgetting my keys.
After a long and treacherous drive home, I finally made it. I parked my car in the driveway and stepped out of my vehicle. I walked the steps needed to reach the front door and turned the knob, only to realize the door was locked. I stood there in a paralytic state for a few minutes when the retaliation hit me that I had locked myself out of my own house.
I tried to think if I had hidden a spare key for myself, but I was always too paranoid about break-ins to do that. I screamed from the top of my lungs in frustration, causing all of the birds to fly away, and around four dogs to start a barking fest.
I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me and I quickly took cover before any concerned neighbors could take sight of me. I decided to pull out my cell phone and call my boss.
I dialed in my Boss’s number, and he almost immediately answered.
“Hey! This is Mike, just letting you know I might not make it to work today or I might be a little late because I forgot the office key inside of my house, and I unfortunately locked myself out of my house.” I explained to my Boss, feeling incredibly embarrassed.
“Really? You call me about this now? You really think that we wouldn’t have a spare key hidden on the work site Mike?” It took me a few moments to register his words, but when he did, I felt a huge wave of stupidity wash over me.
“O-ooh my god.., I- I am so incredibly sorry.. Listen, I’ll head back right now and call you when I get there so you can tell me where the key is, and again, I am so sorry for all of this! Bye!” I explained before hanging up the phone and rushing to get back in my car.
I opened my car door and instantly turned on the ignition. I began to speed on the streets, ten miles over the legal speed limit. It wasn’t even like it mattered if I was late anymore, but I guess the anxiety and embarrassment fueled me to get there as quickly as I possibly could.
I thought about how different this day could have gone if I had just remembered to bring my keys, but what was the point in fantasizing about a reality that had not and will not ever happen.
After another long drive to work, I had made it. I pulled up into the dirt parking lot once again and parked my car in the lot closest to the building. I exited out of my car and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I dialed my Boss’s number.
“Hey! Where is the key?” I asked my boss.
“It’s under the doormat in front of the front door,” He replied.
I felt one more wave of stupidity and regret wash over me once I realized that all I would have had to do was check under the doormat and this entire mess would have been avoided.
“Okay.” I replied simply before hanging up.
I let out a sigh of frustration before walking the few dozen steps needed to reach the doormat. I pulled up the doormat, revealing two keys. I sighed again and picked one of them up. I placed the key in the keyhole and turned the doorknob. To no one's surprise the door opened. I turned the doorknob once more with my hand this time and embraced the air conditioned rooms.
I quickly went inside and shut the door behind me. I sat down at my desk and logged onto my work computer to see what work I had assigned for the day. It looked like ij was assigned to “Deal with an issue regarding the river, right next to the West trail sign. Before 11:00 AM.
I found it sort of bizarre how cryptic the task was, but I decided that it would be best to just get it over with as soon as possible. It was 9:00 AM, and who knew how long this task could take to complete. I sat up from my office chair and walked to the front door once again. I turned the handle and embraced the seasonably hot warm air outside.
I groaned as I stepped outside, the heat hitting me abruptly and like a wave.
I stepped down the few steps needed to reach the dirt parking lot and was on my way to the west trail. I knew the river well and was confused as to why it needed an issue fixed. After some time, I finally arrived at the westside trail. I was immediately horrified when I arrived at the river and saw what I was looking at.
Inside of the river, twice the size it had been this morning, were the two, eerily familiar, yellow eyes, staring into my soul. This time was different however, because the eyes were attached to something. The eyes were attached to an incredibly bizarre body that appeared half human half alligator.
I continued to stand there in shocked awe, staring at the eyes. I wondered about all of the dark secrets they held. Suddenly, The creature began to move. It was slow at first, but there was no mistaking that it was moving. Suddenly, the creature stood up on its legs, revealing the upper half of its incredibly bizarre and disturbing body.
“RUN!” The creature shrieked at me incredibly loud, causing the hair on my head to sway backward in the wind its mouth had created. After the initial shock wore off, I booked it behind me and began to run as fast as I ever had. It felt as if I were running for my life, probably because I quite literally was running away from something deadly.
I ran until each breath I took felt like there was fire in my lungs, and until my legs didn’t even feel attached to my body. I looked behind me for the first time and was horrified to see the creature gleefully sliding down a ginormous river that was inching its way towards me at an incredibly fast speed, and flooding the trail.
After ten more minutes of running, My lungs felt as if they were pure lava, and I had forgotten what legs even were. Finally, I made it back to the office. I reached the patio and instantly swung the front door open, letting myself inside instantly and closing and locking the door behind me.
I instantly ran to one of the windows in the building and watched as the mass of water quickly moved towards the office, with the bizarre alligator creature riding atop of it. I braced for impact as the water suddenly got very close, but after a while of closing my eyes and protecting my head, I realized nothing happened.
I opened my eyes and saw the creature staring at me from the window.
“Well, it looks like you beat the game. Fair play.” The alligator said in an incredibly disturbing voice before suddenly vanishing. I stood there in shock for a few seconds before collapsing to the ground from pure exhaustion and confusion.
The next few hours were a blur, I remember waking up feeling confused on the office floor as the sound of the late morning shift people arriving woke me up. I left work that day and completely ghosted everyone there and never showed up again.

I, m33, have started dating again after getting out of a long term and very serious relationship - no kids but not married either. It's been great to meet people, take them for drinks and have genuinely enjoyable connections, forming bonds etc.
Now I have had many lovely dates with older women (ranging from 3 to 11 years older than me) but I'm a bit concerned that people my own age or younger are not interested in me.
I'm worried because right now I want something casual (it will take a while for me to be ready to go into a relationship again) but I also don't want to string these women along especially since their biological clocks are ticking and, frankly, it's not fair to do that to someone.
Any suggestions as to what I can do?

this might be a long one, but im desperate. im going to need a lot of help for this.
ive been on the verge of wanting to recover, but i cant bring myself to fully commit. i heard you have to fully commit to it for it to be worth anything though (is this really true?), and i probably cant fully commit to it anytime soon. anytime i think about what is ACTUALLY entails i end up hyperventilating. it seems so hard. but to be honest, i sometimes wish i could have a life where my biggest fear is losing a loved one, and not being forced to eat a pizza without blotting the oil off. anyway, my partner’s also stuggling themselves, but i dont think anywhere as much as i am. today they told me that the negativity was too much for them and i had to try to recover soon or they would dump me. i completely understand and agree with their point. we didnt get to finish the conversation as we both had no time, and we plan to speak in person tomorrow. ill never forgive myself if i lose someone as special as them to this stupid disorder. they said (and i agree) that in terms of everything else, we are quite literally almost moulded for each other, its just these pesky disorders and circumstances. the obvious answer is to just recover, i guess. its so easy to say though, and i honestly dont know if im strong enough. i guess i just dont know what to do, and im looking for any advice from people who know what im going through.
if i were to recover, i would have to look for external help as theres no actual way i can do this myself. if i told my school counsellor, she would tell my mom which i ABSOLUTELY do not need, and i also kind of just dont want it to cement my decision that much. if worse comes to worse though, i will go to her for help. either that or i grow myself some balls and tell my mom i want a therapist and hope she doesnt react adversely, lol.
if anyone could help me with this i would appreciate it so much, it seems like im stuck between a rock and a hard place. any insight or advice is also appreciated! i guess i just need more support right now

This is a Nature of Predators Fanfic
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At their secluded table, Amelia looked at Glenil. His dappled, ash-grey fur draped across his eyes, though he never seemed to mind it, and his sweetly tufted ears showed that he was focusing on her. Now that she had his attention, she felt silly for feeling so insecure earlier. But the bartender had been right - she had to let him know what had gone on in her head, or else they’d never be able to get on the same page.
“Glenil, I have something to confess.”
“Glenil?” he repeated, flicking his ears uneasily. “You used my actual name. I know humans only use their loved one’s official names when they’re angry. What’s wrong?”
Amelia raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Babe, I’m not angry. Well, I guess I am serious. I need to talk to you about some uncomfortable feelings I had, that’s all.” She took a deep breath before she went on. “Look, I didn’t realize you used to date Jaisa. I’m glad you’re still friends, I really am, but I wish you’d told me in advance so that I didn’t find out from some guy who’d only just stopped flirting with me when I told him you were my mate.”
Glenil’s ears twisted uncomfortably. “I didn’t realize that history was relevant. We’re friends now, I thought that would be all you would care to know.”
“Well, I feel differently. I do notice it doesn’t upset you at all to hear some other guy was just flirting with me and trying to buy me a drink,” she pointed out.
“Of course not. Why would I be? You told him you were in a monogamous relationship, and he backed off.”
“Well,” she sighed. “I would have been. Upset, I mean. And, I trust you. I trust you implicitly. But I did feel jealous watching you walk away with Jaisa, and even more so once I realized you used to date.”
As she spoke, Glenil's body tensed. His ears flattened, and his tail straightened out with her every word. “So, what, you’re jealous I had a life before I met you? Is that the real reason you didn’t want to invite me here? You don’t want me around other females because it might make you jealous?”
Amelia’s eyes widened and she leaned back in her chair. “No, that’s not it at all, I just—“
"Do you know why we broke up? Jaisa was jealous. She’d get drunk and dive-bomb any female friends who dared even talk to me. Jealous! ‘Jealous’ is just a predator-shit way of saying ‘aggressive and isolating.’”
Amelia stared at her hands, clasped tightly on the table. He had never yelled at her before. Glenil was usually such a thoughtful and caring communicator. Her heart thrummed tightly in her chest. She desperately wished she didn’t have alcohol in her system for this conversation. She hadn’t realized this would be such a touchy topic for him.
Half of her brain wanted to apologize for bringing it up, tell him to forget she even said anything, and the other half wanted to scream at him. He thought her feelings were predator-shit? Only Venlil are allowed to have irrational, emotional responses to things, is that right? But even after a couple drinks, she knew that would only escalate the situation further, so instead, she closed her eyes, took a breath, and counted to ten.
“I can see,” Amelia said quietly. “That this is something you have strong feelings about. I’m thinking that I shouldn’t have brought this up when we’d both been drinking. I’m sorry. Can we pause the conversation, and talk about it when we’re sober tomorrow?”
Glenil blinked at her. “You’re not going to tell me that jealousy is how you show love, and I’m just too much of a stupid, frightened Venlil to understand that?”
“No, of course not. Especially when you’ve made it clear it doesn’t make you feel loved.”
“Oh.” Glenil’s ears gradually relaxed, and he extended his tail to wrap around her wrist apologetically. “Shit. I’m sorry, Amelia. I thought you were saying… well, something you apparently weren’t saying. If you want to pause this conversation and talk tomorrow, we can, but if you want to finish it now, I promise I’ll listen.”
She frowned at him anxiously, but decided to speak her piece. “I’m just saying, I don’t know if it’s my cultural background or the territorial traits in my DNA that make me feel that jealousy, but I do know that it’s 100% my responsibility to handle my own emotions. I don’t want you to feel guilty for having history, or to change how you live your life, let alone turn you into a recluse, but I do need to be able to trust that you’ll give me the information I need to not get blindsided with this stuff in social settings.”
“You’re saying you wish that I’d told you about my history with Jaisa?”
Amelia nodded.
Glenil flicked his ears. “I suppose that’s a reasonable request. Jaisa and I did court, although it was only a few months. We just weren’t a good match, romantically. We were good friends, but she wanted someone a little more... territorial. I wanted someone who was less territorial and possessive. We just made better friends than lovers. So you don’t need to feel afraid that I’m going to decide to go back to her.”
Amelia frowned. “Babe, I’m not afraid. It's just that when you came in and I saw the way you hugged, I could feel that there was more between the two of you than I’d been told. That uncertainty felt scary, like catching a glimpse of movement in the shadows. Because you don’t know what’s there, you can’t tell if it’s a threat or not. I knew I was missing information, that I was in the dark about something. I couldn’t tell if you were intentionally hiding something from me, if she had always been in love with you from afar and she was going to try to compete with me, or if I was just overreacting over a cultural difference, over nothing. And then, I had to find out that backstory from a stranger.”
Glenil’s ears tilted in sympathy. “I can understand that. You weren’t sure if you should be on your guard, or calming your emotional responses, and so you weren’t able to fully do either one.”
Amelia nodded. “Exactly. And like I said, I trust you. I love you so much, and I trust you, completely, with my whole heart. I’m going to feel jealous sometimes, and I can, will, and do manage my own emotions. I’m definitely going to feel my feelings, but I can promise I won’t lash out at you over them. All I need is to know that you’ll also try to be more open with me in the future. I just don’t want to be the last one in the room to know.”
Glenil squeezed her wrist gently. “I can promise I will try, although I can’t promise I will always realize what information would be important to you. Can we talk tomorrow about what kind of things I should keep in mind to share going forward?”
Amelia smiled gratefully. “I’d like that. And thank you for listening, and taking me seriously.”
“I’m sorry I overreacted at first. And thank you for being so level and emotionally literate even after a few drinks. The lack of dive-bombing is deeply appreciated.”
Amelia laughed at him and gave him a quick kiss. “I try. You know we start learning how to handle our emotions as toddlers, right?”
“Yes, dear, you sang me all your ‘Big Feelings Nursery Rhymes’ last time you got too drunk,” he told her drily.
She giggled, and took his hand in hers. “And it was music to your ears, I’m sure.”
Glenil flicked his ears in a laugh. “You were really cute explaining the use of rhyme and meter in your language. Well, should we go find our friends again?”
Amelia swiveled her head to scan the room. “Oh, gosh. They’re dancing. I don’t even know how they can dance to this, I can’t even find a beat. Let’s just stay over here, at least until I finish this,” she said, lifting her drink to eye level. “Hey, babe. To communication.”
He waved his tail happily and lifted his own glass. “To communication.” He took a sip of his drink, and then flicked his ears at the dance floor. “By the way, if you were wondering what Jaisa flirting actually looks like, take a look at her feathers. She’s showing off all her iridescence.”
“Oh! Well that’s nothing like how she was acting with you. I can admit that’s a relief to learn,” Amelia quipped, grinning. “I hope Mariah realizes that’s what it means. She might be into it, though, she’s got her attention completely focused on her.”
“I can see her and Jaisa getting along,” he pondered. “They’re both confident enough to handle each other.”
“Over at the bar, it looks like Krisim might have found a new target, too.” At her boyfriend’s disgusted look, she rolled her eyes. “Target for his affections, I mean. Don’t look at me like that, that phrase isn’t even predatory! I don’t know if Talva’s even interested in dating right now, though. Want to go see if she needs to be rescued?”
——————————————————————
When the song came to an end, Mariah and Jaisa slowed their bodies and noticed for the first time just how close they were dancing without touching.
“Does human music sound anything like this?” Jaisa asked Mariah breathlessly
“Much of our popular dance music is simpler than what’s playing here. I’d bet the rhythms from the music of my father’s people is like nothing you’ve heard before.”
“The music of your father’s people… human tribes have different music?”
“Of course! I’m Nigerian, so I grew up listening to African music, which is different than what Amelia would be used to hearing in America. My father is a musician. Or, he was, before…” Mariah shook her head sharply. She’d just felt so good dancing, and she did not want to fall apart in this bar. “Anyway. He played traditional Igbo music, which is known for its complex polyrhythms. If I hadn’t been used to that, I don’t know if I could have figured out the rhythmic structure of your music.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Mariah. And I’d like to hear that music. Whatever taught you to dance like that must be incredible,” Jaisa said with a warm sincerity that Mariah hadn’t heard from her before.
She led the way to a nearby perch and gracefully hopped up to match Mariah’s height. They glanced around and noticed for the first time that Talva had not followed them onto the dance floor, but was drinking at the bar with Krisim.
“Oh, she’d better be careful,” Jaisa chuckled. “Krisim’s always been a xenophile, and I noticed him lekking earlier.”
“Lekking?”
“Looking for a mate. Shifting his feathers to show off his colors, dancing and singing to compete for attention. Most of these guys are. The attention can be nice, but sometimes being around a lek is just exhausting.”
“I see. Humans do the same thing, although we describe it differently. I agree, it can be exhausting,” Mariah said.
“Oh!” Jaisa said, ruffling her own colorful feathers. “How do you describe it? Does it sound exotic and predatory?”
Mariah paused, one corner of her mouth raised in a half-grin. “Do you want to know if it is?”
Jaisa’s eye twinkled mischievously. “I’m not like these excitable Venlil, you can tell me.”
“If I were out looking for love, someone might say I was ‘on the prowl.’”
Mariah was relieved that her new friend squawked a laugh at the term.
“And are you?” Jaisa asked.
Mariah tilted her head. “Am I what?”
“Looking for a mate.”
Mariah raised her eyebrows. “I’m open to finding love. Are you?”
“Only with a good dancer,” Jaisa told her wickedly.
Mariah blinked. Jaisa had just complimented her dancing a moment ago. And she’d definitely been ruffling her feathers to change colors on the dance floor. They had been dancing very close — Mariah had assumed in an effort to discourage the other Krakotl from cutting in — was the bird hitting on her?
The human took a long sip of her algae bloom without breaking eye contact. “So that’s a yes, then.”
“Well, maybe.” Jaisa ruffled her feathers in false indignance at her directness, but Mariah noticed that she kept her brightest patches showing as she did. Mariah smirked and tossed her braids back over her shoulder. She hadn’t come here to get a date, but it was refreshing having an alien react positively to her on their first meeting, for once.
Jaisa preened herself in a manner that somehow screamed girl-next-door. “If you liked the algae bloom, human, you should try an aafazian. It’s not a Krakotl drink, but trust me, it’s delicious.”
“I’ll have to have one, then,” Mariah smiled. “If you ever come to our usual spot, you can try a human-style beer. Since you prefer drinks that aren’t too sweet, I think you’ll like it.”
“And your music, too.” Jaisa dropped her usual teasing tone to fix her eyes on the human in front of her. “I’m serious. I want to hear the music that made you who you are.”
Mariah’s heart jumped into her throat, and her cheeks warmed. Since she’d left her home planet, she had so often felt like an exhibit at a zoo, representing all of humanity to an alien audience. Now, Jaisa genuinely wanted to get to know her as an individual.
“Then I’ll show you.”
——————————————————————
A few hours later, the group walked out of the bar and onto the perpetually sunny street.
Amelia blinked at the sky. “Somehow, I’m always surprised when I walk out of a bar and it’s still bright outside, even though I should know this planet is tidally locked by now.”
“Me too!” Mariah cried. “We’ve been here hours, but it’s still mid-afternoon. It will be mid-afternoon both when we go to bed, and when we wake up in the morning! I don’t think I can get used to it.”
Glenil, Tarva, and Jaisa, who had grown up on the tidally-locked planet in question, chuckled at the alien absurdity of expecting change from something as constant as the sun.
“Well, it was so nice to see you, Jaisa,” Talva said, running her paw down her friend’s wing.
“You too, Talva. And it was nice to see you again, Glenil, and to meet you, Amelia.” Jaisa gave each of them a hug, somewhat startling Amelia, who had never had a beak shoved in her neck before.
“See you all later,” Mariah told them cheerfully. “Thanks for inviting me, Talva. I’m glad I came.”
Jaisa and Mariah walked away together. The other three turned towards Tarva and Amelia’s apartment.
“I just hope Mariah’s careful,” Amelia said. “I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to date someone on the rebound.”
“She’s a smart adult,” Talva pointed out. “She knows what she’s doing.”
“Jaisa has many faults, but using people really isn’t one of them,” added Glenil.
“I didn’t realize humans did same-sex courting, though,” Talva admitted. “It’s nice to see the biological imperative to reproduce isn’t what drives bonding for you.”
Amelia snorted. “I think her being female would be way less of a barrier than her being a bird!”
Glenil swatted her gently with his tail. “You’re in an interspecies relationship yourself! What was it your brother called you? A furry-lover?”
Amelia rolled her eyes. “It’s just ‘furry,’ and he’s ridiculous. At least we’re both mammals. I’m just saying, birds are really different! Like, they have beaks, and I don’t even know if… you know what, never mind.”
“Okay, so gossiping about your friend, that’s fine, but the mere thought of discussing anatomy makes you blush?” Talva’s tail wagged in amusement. “You humans have such funny ideas of propriety! I’ll confess, though, I’ve never been attracted to a Krakotl, myself. They’re a little loud and pushy for me to look at them that way.”
“Seemed like you were getting along with Krisim pretty well,” Glenil pointed out with a teasing ear flick.
“That’s different! He’s always flirting with anyone in sight, so I never talked to him much, but he’s actually really nice. He told me about a film festival I hadn’t heard about next month, so I think we’ll hang out again then.”
Amelia glanced at her sidelong, as if she were hoping that by not moving her head, her gaze might go unnoticed. “Are you sure that’s not a date?”
“Of course not! He knows I’m not interested, and he wasn’t doing any of the ridiculous posturing he usually does. No, definitely just friends. But I’m looking forward to talking to him more.”
Amelia nodded, smiling. “I’m glad we went. It was really good to just spend time with them, as regular people. I was nervous going into it, but, other than that one guy who yelled at us, it was nice. Kind of like the algae blooms, in a way. After you try it, it’s not so bad.”
“That’s probably what Mariah’s thinking,” Talva smirked.
“Ew, Talva, don’t go there!” Amelia squealed, as both Venlil laughed at her human prudishness.
Months ago, Talva was terrified of humans, but just didn’t think they deserved to be summarily exterminated. Yesterday, she’d been afraid to invite the humans to meet her Krakotl friend. Today, the humans had been nervous even entering a Krakotl establishment. But now, she didn’t think any one of them was afraid. That’s what the cultural exchange programs were all about, she supposed. Overcoming fear and prejudice, just by spending time with each other as people. With time, the monsters you feared could become the people who were your friends.
Maybe Jaisa was right when she said you have to be open to something to learn to appreciate it. Talva didn’t think she’d ever truly enjoy the signature Krakotl cocktail, but she was beginning to believe the old avian adage about it was true. It’s only once you drink it that the algae truly blooms.
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Short-term cricket betting- There are two main types of betting on this sport: short-term and long-term betting. As far as long-range cricket betting is concerned, it is, as the term itself suggests, bets that sell out very quickly, often in the match itself. These bets require a bit of mental preparation and are the most “fun” bets for players, as they can see for themselves if the prediction is correct. Before you invest your money in short-term cricket bets, look for Ipl Betting Tips online.
Betting on cricket: how to bet on this sport

I've decided to go sober for the foreseeable future after recent events have proven to me that I may have a problem with alcohol. There is a history of alcoholism in my family and in recent times my drinking has increased a lot.
I was drinking a lot pretty frequently for the last three months and from what I've read here normally it takes a few weeks before you dont feel shit. But after only 5 days I feel pretty good, and hoping that obviously continues. I'm going to therapy as well for other issues and also this and I was advised by a doctor to go minimum three months sober, which I am gonna do. However, I am fully prepared never being able to drink again. I have made no long term life decisions yet, I'm just focusing on the here and now.
Is it strange I feel very good after a few days? Or have others had this experience?

Restarted generic pristiq 25mg in the morning after being on it around 9mos then trying to get off (symptoms of depression/anxiety came back and I realized the pristiq had helped). But one thing I have never gotten over is the sleep trouble; it seems when I’m on this, my sleep is restless and choppy. I dream all night. Last night I dreamt I was falsely accused of a crime and woke up all sweaty. I’m tired of this; can anyone actually sleep well on this medication? I’m concerned about effects lack of sleep could be having on me long term. But my level of functioning without medication is low right now…

Hi all!
Like many of you, I've made my fair share of bad choices over the years. The hardest ones for me to deal with are when my instinct is telling me one thing, but for some reason I don't listen and it ends poorly.
Example: I had some money in a shitty project (not a rug, just something I knew wasn't gonna go anywhere long term.) I never intended to stay in it for more than a couple days, and the chart/trend looked to me like I could make some quick money. I still decided to exit and move into something "safer", and as a result missed out on a 30% pump that happened over the course of two hours. That pump started literally 20 minutes after I exited -_-
When things like this happen to me, I try to tell myself that my decision was still the right one even if I missed out this specific time because it shows me learning proper risk management and such, and that it just as likely could've cratered and I could've been down significantly instead of in the same spot I was before.
Similarly, I entered crypto right at the start of the previous bullrun, and because I didn't know what I was doing, squandered a ton of fantastic opportunities and lost a bunch of money. Money I could afford to lose, but still. I've moved past this by treating it as my investing tuition, and whenever the next bull happens, I'll be equipped with the right experience to take proper advantage of it.
----------
What are some tips or advice you have for people to help them move on from poor decisions they've made in the crypto space?

I recently bought creatine from Redcon1 and it came with a free supplement called Halo. It says here that it’s a muscle builder, using Laxogenin (based on research, it’s supposedly a natural steroid with little to no side effects, but very little research behind it). I haven’t started taking it yet, as I am afraid of long term effects from it. Any thoughts on it tho? If anyone used it, what benefits and cons did you get from it?

19.89987652: Nikola Jokic 11.69810925: Luka Doncic 11.54267688: Joel Embiid 10.97623328: Damian Lillard 9.544269884: Rudy Gobert 9.209248136: Draymond Green 9.086292881: Kevin Durant 8.986403895: Paul George 8.748947341: Karl-Anthony Towns 8.662376501: Jimmy Butler 8.398216314: Jrue Holiday 8.317448039: Giannis Antetokounmpo 8.202602195: Chris Paul 8.118589242: LeBron James 8.056543668: Stephen Curry 8.043025312: Bradley Beal 8.018558781: Donovan Mitchell 7.953826792: Nikola Vucevic 7.950818934: De'Aaron Fox 7.903045535: Ja Morant 

I am going to keep this short and simple. I am a 21 year old experienced roleplayer. After writing heavy long-term plots for a long time, I feel I need a change of pace. This time around I’d like to write something more relaxed and fun. I am looking to write a fluffy cheesy romance Slice of life plot between two geeky characters. I want something lighthearted, easy to write. Looking someone who appreciates playing crazy and playful characters and is not embarrassed to play out cheesy over-the-top ideas, as I love having characters bond over geeky stuff and doing fun geeky things like playing around, spontaneous games, etc. I love the idea of roleplay within roleplay so I love them if their games could include assuming alter egos spontaneously. Like they could have a playful lightsaber fight as Jedi/Sith or a playful gun fight as rival spies or a magic wand fight in a Hogwarts dorm. In that regard I am really a big fan of characters playing games that end with cheesy wacky defeats.
As for the pairing I am open to many possibilities : Perhaps our characters can be college classmates, working on an end of the term project for their class when they find out they have a lot in common. Or they can be part of a larger circle of friends. They can be neighbors I am open to most pairings for this plot as long as the characters and the dynamics between the two remains the same.
I don’t have many requirements : Please be at least 18 years old, be able to write at least a paragraph or two per response and be okay with realistic refs and cute yet realistic looking characters (which means no petite perfect looking ref for your character, sorry!)
Feel free to send me a chat request if you are interested.

I am going to keep this short and simple. I am a 21 year old experienced roleplayer. After writing heavy long-term plots for a long time, I feel I need a change of pace. This time around I’d like to write something more relaxed and fun. I am looking to write a fluffy cheesy romance Slice of life plot between two geeky characters. I want something lighthearted, easy to write. Looking someone who appreciates playing crazy and playful characters and is not embarrassed to play out cheesy over-the-top ideas, as I love having characters bond over geeky stuff and doing fun geeky things like playing around, spontaneous games, etc. I love the idea of roleplay within roleplay so I love them if their games could include assuming alter egos spontaneously. Like they could have a playful lightsaber fight as Jedi/Sith or a playful gun fight as rival spies or a magic wand fight in a Hogwarts dorm. In that regard I am really a big fan of characters playing games that end with cheesy wacky defeats.
As for the pairing I am open to many possibilities : Perhaps our characters can be college classmates, working on an end of the term project for their class when they find out they have a lot in common. Or they can be part of a larger circle of friends. They can be neighbors I am open to most pairings for this plot as long as the characters and the dynamics between the two remains the same.
I don’t have many requirements : Please be at least 18 years old, be able to write at least a paragraph or two per response and be okay with realistic refs and cute yet realistic looking characters (which means no petite perfect looking ref for your character, sorry!)
Feel free to send me a chat request if you are interested.

I am going to keep this short and simple. I am a 21 year old experienced roleplayer. After writing heavy long-term plots for a long time, I feel I need a change of pace. This time around I’d like to write something more relaxed and fun. I am looking to write a fluffy cheesy romance Slice of life plot between two geeky characters. I want something lighthearted, easy to write. Looking someone who appreciates playing crazy and playful characters and is not embarrassed to play out cheesy over-the-top ideas, as I love having characters bond over geeky stuff and doing fun geeky things like playing around, spontaneous games, etc. I love the idea of roleplay within roleplay so I love them if their games could include assuming alter egos spontaneously. Like they could have a playful lightsaber fight as Jedi/Sith or a playful gun fight as rival spies or a magic wand fight in a Hogwarts dorm. In that regard I am really a big fan of characters playing games that end with cheesy wacky defeats.
As for the pairing I am open to many possibilities : Perhaps our characters can be college classmates, working on an end of the term project for their class when they find out they have a lot in common. Or they can be part of a larger circle of friends. They can be neighbors I am open to most pairings for this plot as long as the characters and the dynamics between the two remains the same.
I don’t have many requirements : Please be at least 18 years old, be able to write at least a paragraph or two per response and be okay with realistic refs and cute yet realistic looking characters (which means no petite perfect looking ref for your character, sorry!)
Feel free to send me a chat request if you are interested.

this might be a long one, but im desperate. im going to need a lot of help for this.
ive been on the verge of wanting to recover, but i cant bring myself to fully commit. i heard you have to fully commit to it for it to be worth anything though (is this really true?), and i probably cant fully commit to it anytime soon. anytime i think about what is ACTUALLY entails i end up hyperventilating. it seems so hard. but to be honest, i sometimes wish i could have a life where my biggest fear is losing a loved one, and not being forced to eat a pizza without blotting the oil off. anyway, my partner’s also stuggling themselves, but i dont think anywhere as much as i am. today they told me that the negativity was too much for them and i had to try to recover soon or they would dump me. i completely understand and agree with their point. we didnt get to finish the conversation as we both had no time, and we plan to speak in person tomorrow. ill never forgive myself if i lose someone as special as them to this stupid disorder. they said (and i agree) that in terms of everything else, we are quite literally almost moulded for each other, its just these pesky disorders and circumstances. the obvious answer is to just recover, i guess. its so easy to say though, and i honestly dont know if im strong enough. i guess i just dont know what to do, and im looking for any advice from people who know what im going through.
if i were to recover, i would have to look for external help as theres no actual way i can do this myself. if i told my school counsellor, she would tell my mom which i ABSOLUTELY do not need, and i also kind of just dont want it to cement my decision that much. if worse comes to worse though, i will go to her for help. either that or i grow myself some balls and tell my mom i want a therapist and hope she doesnt react adversely, lol.
if anyone could help me with this i would appreciate it so much, it seems like im stuck between a rock and a hard place. any insight or advice is also appreciated! i guess i just need more support right now

Any time I am feeling even semi okay I'll get unfocused and something bad will happen. And then it's even more devastating
I don't have any friends. At this point, any new people I meet even on the off chance I can be on decent terms with them, all have already existing friends and acquaintances who will always take priority over me on every level. I have an emergency? Well too bad because this person they have known 10 times longer than me wanted to maybe hang out at some point. It's always that way and always will be.
On top of that, I used to be at least semi-intelligent and definitely was quite creative. Now I am maybe about average at best and I couldn't invent a new way out of a wet paper bag. If this the trajectory I have to look forward to going on further what really is the point of continuing on?
Also, am I the only person who lurks here that gets a bit more depressed just because it feels like everyone but me is so eloquent and can at least communicate their thoughts well while I struggled to even get out this much?
On top of that, I can't help but feel bad because everyone else has actual problems and I feel like I am just complaining about next to nothing.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I'll probably end up deleting it later anyway.